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Ch.46- "Possibilities"
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The cave-in caused by Rod Reiss' Titan formed a sinkhole nearly a kilometer in radius. It wasn't exceptionally deep, "only" about ten meters, but they could easily see the bottom. Even from a kilometer away. The sun was high enough that the strange glass-like substance didn't glow as bright as it had that horrible night, but it still shone. The area was sectioned off by the Military Police, off limits to civilians, but that didn't stop them from crowding around, trying to get a better look at the strange substance that had been under their feet the whole time. The porters who lived on and worked the lands of the Reiss estate had been terrified, both that their liege lord was a Titan and that he was dead, meaning they had no idea what would become of them. For the moment, they were told not to worry; everything would be settled by the liege's daughter soon enough. They all assumed they meant Frieda.
Portions of the rubble had been cleared away to get at the bodies that had been crushed beneath them. Dark brown stains and oily smears remained on the crystalline surface in places, tinting the pale blue light around them a sickly hue. The ground was uneven enough in places that Erwin kept his hand on Levi' shoulder for stability as they made their way further in. His balance still wasn't great even without him leaning most of his weight on his heel. The doctor had suggested he use a cane, but he refused. How would it look to his soldiers to see him hobbling about with a cane? Besides, with all the tiny fragments of stone underfoot, he'd probably just end up slipping and falling flat on his ass.
The majority of the cave-in was centered around their destination, meaning they couldn't get too close, but they could see it just fine from where they were. Unlike the translucent material surrounding it, the shell that remained on the precipice was the same off-white as the Walls and the Armored Titan's skin. Part of it had broken off, crushed by the falling stone, the head and an arm, but the rest remained intact enough that Erwin could still make out the pose the Titan had been in; balancing on hand and knee, its back curved to shield those who had stood beneath.
"The part that caved in," he asked Levi, "was that before or after you pulled him out?"
"Well after, when I came back the next day. See how it's hollow? It wasn't like that before. Eren's Titan started decaying after we pulled him out; that must have weakened it." Well, that explained why there were Titans within the Walls- their bodies were required for the structure to remain solid.
"And Hange hasn't taken a sample yet?"
"They're still pouring over that serum with the gimp. Said they're coming out after the meeting to examine this thing. Probably gonna spend an hour or two humping it first…" Levi turned to face him. "So?" Erwin frowned slightly.
" 'So' what?"
"What do you think?"
"…well, my expectations were somewhere in the dirt, so I'm pleasantly surprised." After all, they'd never have assumed something like this was even possible. "It won't stand up to any kicks from the Colossal, but we're going to have to remake the gates anyway, so I suppose it's for the best that it's able to be broken down. The question now is can Eren replicate this effect on command, or was this a one-time occurrence?"
"He's gonna fucking replicate it," Levi spat. "If I have to drop boulders on him to make him do it, so be it."
With a bit of effort, Erwin stooped down, picking up a shard of the crystal that had broken off of one of the pillars. His fingers remained bandaged, but it sat in the curve of his palm, cool as glass, the light it radiated casting a sickly pallor on his skin. He'd never seen anything that gave off light but not heat. It was amazing; the Walls, these stones… So many wondrous, amazing things hidden just out of sight. He put the shard in his pocket, picking up a few more and adding them to the growing collection. Levi noticed what he was doing.
"What, are you getting into rock collecting, too?"
"I want to see if these stones will continue to give light if we remove them from this location. It's possible that there's something in the soil they're reacting to that's making them glow, but if there isn't, if this luminescence is part of the material…" He stood. "Traveling at night might not be as far-fetched as it seems. Of course, this revised operation still depends wholly on Eren…"
"Not necessarily." A thick brow quirked questioningly. Levi wasn't looking at him, but rather at the hardened shell looming over them. "Eren's just a vessel for this power. If Historia ate him, it would've been transferred to her, but whatever blood magic the first king put on his descendants would have stopped her from doing anything to help us… but that doesn't mean Eren is the only one who can help."
"…what are you saying?"
"We've got a bottle of Titan juice; if Eren can't do it… maybe someone else can."
"You would have us feed Eren to someone else?" Levi gave a halfhearted shrug.
"I'm just saying, if push comes to shove, it could be an option." Erwin's lips thinned into a hard line. On the one hand, it was a horrible thing to even consider, but on the other… if push comes to shove… He shook his head mentally to clear it.
"I admire your prudent thinking, Levi, but we do not have enough soldiers that we can go around cannibalizing those that don't meet our expectations… besides, I'm fairly certain if we tried that, Mikasa would slit our throats."
"We can stick her in a kennel until the deed is done."
"That's a rather cruel way to talk about your kin." Levi's jaw tightened at those words.
When he'd first presented Erwin with the pilfered case and explained how it ended up in his possession, his first question had been "why"? Why would a man who was hellbent on killing his lieutenant gift him with something so precious? Even if he was dying, strangers didn't usually bequeath things to random people. Storm clouds seemed to gather behind Levi's eyes, darkening them as his brows furrowed, his lips thinning in agitation…
"…-e's… -y –le…"
"What?" It was a wonderment that his teeth could grind any harder without shattering.
"…Kenny… he's my- he was my… uncle. My mom's brother." He raised his gaze, eyes shining behind his fringe. "Levi Ackerman; that's my full name." …so. That was why he knew about this strange, non-noble bloodline that was immune to the royal bloodlines' power over their minds. For six years, a key piece of the puzzle had been right under his nose, and he hadn't even known it.
"So… that would make Mikasa your…?" Levi scoffed, crossing his arms almost defensively.
"Fuck if I know. Cousin, probably. At first, I didn't even think she was related to me; I mean, hell, how many 'Smiths' are there? You really think all of them are your family?" That darkness behind his face shifted, from a strange frustration to something Erwin couldn't even begin to comprehend. "The only reason I know we're related now is because she had the same… surge as me and Kenny."
" 'Surge'?" Erwin sat up straighter. "What do you mean?" In response, Levi slumped further in his seat.
"I don't wanna talk about it."
"You have to. Levi, you realize that, just because fate has taken pity on us this one time doesn't mean we aren't in danger. Historia may have gone against her father, but that doesn't mean this power might not fall to the royal family again, and if it does, you may well be one of the only people who isn't negatively affected by whatever that person does. We need to understand what makes you different so we can perhaps protect ourselves." The gray eyes staring at him were as hard and cold as they were six years ago, down in the gloom of the Underground.
"…I don't want to talk about this.Ask Mikasa. Or, better yet, if you actually want answers, make Eren ask her. She can't refuse him." For a second, Erwin assumed he was referring to the girl's obvious infatuation, but with his mind still thinking back on the past, he recalled a half-remembered event, Mike and Levi all but trying to kill each other under the guise of sparring, Levi's petulance running so deep he was willing to cripple himself to prove a point, a flash in his eyes…
Don't play stupid with me- you know what you're doing! This isn't the first time you've done it…!
She can't refuse him, he'd said… Erwin decided to keep his mouth shut this time, lest he lose his tongue.
"Perhaps later; we have enough to deal with at the moment. It would probably be better for Hange to run these tests, after all; they have a gift for collecting data." He paused for a moment, mulling over his next words. "Should I… update your personnel file with your full name?" Levi's hands clenched, his knuckles popping softly.
"No. That's my name- that's not who I am. It's just Levi…"
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Normally, meetings involving the heads of the military took place in the Chancellery, but given that it was currently being prepared for the coronation tomorrow, it was decided that they would relocate this meeting somewhere less… conventional. The Survey Corps's headquarters in Trost were not so large as even their base in Ehrmich, meaning the only room that could easily fit more than five people was one of the barracks.
Given that they only had thirty four soldiers to their name, most of the barracks were long deserted, many cleaned out months ago, though a few personal belongings still remained scattered here and there, remnants that family members had not sent for, things that would inevitability end up in the trash. Zachary had clucked his tongue as they passed the few remaining Scouts heading to the mess hall.
"Well, this won't do at all. No matter how much funding we, ahem, acquire, a few dozen Scouts aren't going to be able to accomplish much."
"I'd rather not press our luck attempting to recruit cadets from the 105th before they graduate, so our only option for more soldiers will be to push the expedition back another year, or start pulling volunteers from the other branches." Commander Mansel, of the Northern Military Police, shook his head heavily.
"A year will be far too long. Cementing the peoples' trust of the military during this transitional period is crucial, otherwise, they'll accuse us of replacing the old regime with more of the same."
"Well, I hope you have some soldiers willing to transfer," Pixis told him, his voice grim, "because after the invasion here and their last excursion beyond Wall Maria, the Southern Garrison is hanging onto its soldiers by a thread." As they sat at the table that had been brought in, Nile leaned across it, lowering his voice as he spoke to Erwin.
"It's not much, but I do have one recruit for you. Marlowe Freudenberg, from the 104th east. He's been asking me to transfer him to the Scouts since the coup."
" 'Freudenberg'? Tall guy with a bowl cut?" Levi asked, earning a bemused look from Nile.
"Yeah… You… know him?"
"He made himself a fugitive to help us stay ahead of the Anti-Personnel squad. Constantly bitching about how corrupt and worthless the MPs are… Good kid. We'll take him." Erwin nodded.
"Send me his file, and I'll finalize the transfer. Perhaps he would be willing to extol the Corps' virtues and convince some of his fellow MPs to transfer with him…?" He offered up hopefully, earning a derisive scoff from his old friend.
"He'll be 'willing' to do whatever you ask him, but no one's going to listen. No one in his station can stand him; he's a self-righteous goody two-shoes." Levi raised a thin brow.
"Oh, that's what you call MPs who aren't lazy drunks?" Nile opened his mouth to argue, but before he could, a series of rapid knocks interrupted him.
"It's open, Hange." They were going to wear a hole in the door… They were still wearing a grin as they peered inside, but quickly adjusted their face into a more professional expression as they opened the door completely and stepped over the frame, beating their fist against their chest.
"Apologies, sir; I just wanted to make sure I wasn't interrupting."
"You're late," Levi said with a frown.
"Entirely my fault; we were putting the final touches on our presentation. Come on, come on! Don't be nervous!" They reached behind themselves, pulling in the person who had been half hiding behind the door frame.
The only one not in uniform, Thomasin looked entirely out of place amidst the commanders and officers, clutching a leather satchel as though it were a lifeline. She kept her eyes lowered as she approached the table, her uneven gait echoing loudly in the near empty barracks. Without a long skirt to hide it, her wooden leg was on full display, and a glance around the table revealed that the other men were openly staring. Nile quickly looked away, that somewhat disquieted look he'd once regarded Erwin's missing arm with flashing across his face, but Mansel had no such tact.
"You were once enlisted in the Survey Corps as well, weren't you, Mrs. Smith?" She ground her teeth slightly as she set the bag on the table and opened it.
"Nurse Smith. And yes, for all of three months."
"I take it-"
"Yes, a Titan bit my leg off. No, it wasn't the same Titan that bit Erwin's arm off." There was definitely tension in the air, but Hange swooped in, quickly taking bottles and cases from the bag and setting them along the table.
"I asked the exact same thing. I mean, could you imagine? It wouldn't even be out of the realm of possibility. Apparently, one of the Titans Eren saw before he was rescued from Wall Maria was the same one he saw while he was fleeing Shiganshina. I wanted to ask if he thought maybe it recognized him, but he wouldn't talk about it… but that's not important; we got plenty of other information!"
"About the contents of that vial?" Premier Zachary asked.
"Yes, but first; was there any luck in tracking down who made the syringe? The case? Anything?"
"Not yet," Mansel sighed heavily. "We seem to have found one lead, on the source of the wood the case was constructed by. Several noble families within Mitras have hothouses that contain plants that even botanists from several universities haven't been able to identify. The core of one of those trees seems to be similar, but we're still unsure. We're going through records that date back to before the Walls went up, and most of the families aren't cooperating."
"It's like an entirely different world just beneath our feet," Nile told them. "We've found blueprints and prototypes of weapons and technologies hidden in the homes of several Interior MPs that look like something out of a fantasy novel. And that's just what the soldiers have, the bottom of the ladder- imagine what the nobles are hiding. It could take years just to find everything, to say nothing of understanding it." Pixis shook his head.
"A thousand more questions and not a single answer in sight…"
"No, we have a few answers," Hange told him. "Lining up with what Eren and Historia said, the contents of that vial do seem to be based on spinal fluid, but… well, you explain it, Thomasin."
"It's not the right color." All of the men gaped up at her.
"Come again?" Pixis asked.
"Human spinal fluid is clear, with maybe a slight yellowish tinge. The stuff in the vial is blue. We can assume there are stabilizers in it, to keep it shelf stable, but it's blue. Not to mention it evaporates too quickly."
"What-?"
"Ooh! I can field this one!" Hange pushed several of the bottles aside, leaving three in the forefront, each of them barely bigger than the vial of Titan serum, each filled with a dark red liquid. While two were simply corked, one had what appeared to be a wax seal over its mouth. "Behold! Titan blood! Well, Titan and human blood- we needed a control group." They pulled a sizable sheet of glass from the bag, setting it on the table. Zachary and Mansel immediately scooted their chairs away, not wanting to be too close to whatever demonstration Hange was planning. They uncorked the first bottle.
"This blood belongs to Armin Arlert, a normal healthy teenage boy." They poured several drops onto the glass, where it immediately began spreading. "As you can see, nothing's happening. If we let it sit for a few days, it'll evaporate and dry out, just like any liquid would, leaving behind a dark, flaky stain. Now this is Eren Yeager's blood." Uncorking the second bottle, they poured out another puddle. It spread just the same as the other blood, but when it had thinned considerably, the puddle stopped growing and slowly began to shrink, the faintest wisps of steam curling from its surface. Everyone, sans the Scouts and Thomasin leaned closer to better see, their eyes wide as their jaws went slack.
"It's already evaporating…"
"Yes, but slowly. Volume and surface area play a large part in the speed of evaporation, like most liquids. If I poured all this blood out, it would evaporate in about a ninety seconds. If I left it in the vial but left it uncorked, it would take several minutes. And because I'm certain you're just as curious as I was, gentlemen, yes; it's all his bodily fluids."
"Well… most," Thomasin corrected them quietly. "There was one fluid we didn't feel comfortable extracting yet."
"…you'd better mean cum," Levi seethed in a low, venomous tone. Thomasin swallowed hard, shaking her head. Her face had taken on a somewhat greenish tinge.
"Sadly, I do not. I have qualms about collecting jizz from a fifteen year old boy-"
"I don't!" Hange declared, almost defiant. "It's for science! No, the sample we haven't gotten yet is spinal fluid, but I'll explain that later. Anyway, the final vial is also Eren's blood. His Titan's blood." They lifted the bottle so everyone could see. "We had a problem keeping it in the bottle- you'll see why- so the wax seal was Thomasin's idea."
"Ah, like a bottle of fine liquor," Pixis concluded. Hange nodded as they began breaking away the wax with their fingernails. The moment they pulled the cork out, steam began rising from the mouth of the bottle. They quickly poured out the blood, but no sooner did it hit the open air than it began popping and spitting, boiling away. In seconds, the bottle was empty, not a trace of blood left.
"Again, volume and surface area are important. We had to draw blood by the liter to keep it from evaporating immediately. Which brings us back to the contents of that vial. As you can see, even from a Titan Shifter, human bodily fluids don't evaporate that quickly. We drew a few drops of the serum out for testing, but as soon as we put it on the slide, it vanished. The fact that it evaporates so quickly led us to believe that this particular serum was created, not from human spinal fluid, but from Titan spinal fluid." This time, even Erwin and Levi were staring.
"From a Titan? Is that even possible?" For the first time since they'd begun ranting about their experiments to a captive audience, Hange's exuberance dimmed slightly.
"Well… theoretically… I mean, they do have spines. The problem is the equipment available to us…" They trailed off, nudging Thomasin with their elbow. She had been pointedly looking away from the table, her fingers pressed to her lips, which she reluctantly lowered. Reaching into the bag, she pulled out a horrific looking instrument, a needle nearly fifteen centimeters long with what appeared to be a spigot attached to the end. Nile and Pixis recoiled from the sight of it, but Zachary noticeably leaned in for a closer look.
"I take it this is some medical doohickey?" He asked, pushing his glasses up higher. Thomasin nodded.
"A fairly new one. The first was only created about five years ago, I believe, and they've only been used in the Interior a few dozen times. It's meant to be inserted into the spine to-" She cut herself off, pressing her hand back to her mouth. Erwin was on his feet at once.
"Are you alright? Sit down." He tried to steer her towards his own seat, but she shook her head.
" 'm fine…" Lowering her hand, she gulped down a few deep breaths.
"It's for collecting spinal fluid," Hange finished for her. "But human spinal fluid-"
"Wait." Nile held up his hands, stopping the section commander. "That was designed to go into a human's spine?!"
"Right. Therein lies the problem. See, the process is still what you'd call 'experimental'- I think there have been… four successful procedures?"
"Five," Thomasin gasped out. Hange nodded.
"Even better. But there's still a good chance- like, a ninety percent chance- that if you do it wrong, you could end up paralyzing the patient. And we know that Eren can regrow his limbs, but… well…"
"Now is not the time to be taking the risk of paralyzing the ace up our sleeve," Erwin agreed.
"Exactly. Maybe after we retake Wall Maria we can take him into Mitras and see what can be done, but until then, I think Eren's spine should remain off limits."
"Well, what about his Titan body?" Mansel asked. "Surely that can be experimented on without fear of harming the boy? I've heard tell that the thing's head was cut off and he was completely unscathed." Hange smiled.
"I like the way you think, Commander." Their grin dimmed somewhat. "Unfortunately, that also poses a problem. You see, this-" they took the needle from Thomasin, who took the opportunity to turn away, still breathing hard, "-is a replacement. We had another one, and we tried to use it on Eren's Titan, but… well… the thing is, Titans are hot. Like, really hot. Like, to the point where the first needle we used got so hot that it started warping- there's a reason we use ultra-hardened steel to kill these things- and even if it hadn't, it wasn't long enough." Levi shook his head, his face pinched as though he were on the verge of a headache.
"So… what? You're saying that if we have the right tools, we can make this serum ourselves?"
"Potentially. But extracting it would only be one part of the equation. We'd have to actually… test… it…" A chill fell over the room as the weight of Hange's words settled on them all. They'd have to inject it into people… turning them into Titans… with no way to turn them back. Sensing the dread in the air, the bespectacled solider forced a grin. "But all of that comes way later; we've got plenty to do now without thinking about making more Titans. We've learned so many new things in the past week alone, and our experiments are only gonna ramp up from here! Next, we're gonna see if the Shifters can be sedated in their Titan form! Isn't that right, new assistant~?"
They tried to put their arm around Thomasin's shoulders, but she pushed them away, doubling over and retching violently. Hange quickly pulled away as vomit splashed onto the floor, but Erwin rushed closer, trying to hold her steady.
"What's wrong?" he asked as she fought to catch her breath, swaying slightly before slumping. She would have collapsed in a heap had he not wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her back towards him. "Thomasin? Thomasin, can you hear me?!" He could see her eyelashes fluttering, her lips moving slightly, but unlike when it happened in the Wall Rose base, she did not immediately begin assuring him everything was fine. Levi approached and, in spite of his reluctance to let go, managed to pull the woman away from him. Draping her over his back, the lieutenant half carried, half dragged her to one of the lower bunks, laying her down with an almost practiced nonchalance.
"What's wrong with her?" Nile asked sharply. Where as it was clear he was simply worried, the concern in Commander Mansel's voice was tinged dark with fear.
"You don't think it's from all these Titan fluids, do you? I mean, it's in the air now; breathing in Titan blood can't be good for you-"
"If Titan blood had any adverse side effects on humans, I'd be the sickest man alive," Levi stated plainly, walking back to them. "I bathe in that shit on a regular basis. Considering how much I've swallowed over the years, I'm probably more Titan than human at this point. It's fine; if anything, it'll make you stronger."
"Levi's right," Hange confirmed quietly, staring down at the puddle of vomit guiltily. "This isn't because of Titans- well, in a roundabout way, it is- it's because of me. Thomasin has been under the weather for the past few days, and I've been pushing her and Eren both to try and collect as much data as possible before today." Erwin fixed them with a sharp glare.
"Hange, haven't I told you-"
"No! Not this time!" They cut him off. "You don't get to be mad at me this time, sir; you authorized this. I went through the proper channels and have your signature on everything. Clearly, you had no issue with me working her like a Moblit."
The fact that Hange would even bring up his signature was proof enough that they were telling the truth, and guilt boiled in his stomach. Erwin had barely been on base this past week, with most of his time spent looking through what records had been confiscated from the Chancellery and searching around the Reiss estate. He'd only seen Thomasin in brief intervals before today, finding her asleep in his bed once when he popped in for a change of clothes, and labeling samples in Hange's lab when he went in there to drop off the glowing crystals. She hadn't looked ill then, but… it wasn't as though he'd paid much attention to her. Pixis broke the silence that had fallen over them.
"Just puzzling out what this serum is is working people into the ground. Rather than squander this chance we've been given by experimenting on it, we'd be better off using it for its intended purpose." He turned towards Levi. "You said Captain Ackerman claimed this would save him even while he was on the brink of death?"
"That's what he said, but Kenny was always full of shit. You could tell when he was lying because it happened every time his lips were moving."
"Even if it can save someone in the field," Nile interjected, "then what? We just have another mindless Titan running around, trying to eat anyone who gets close enough?"
"For a while, perhaps, but we can feed someone to them." The usual glee with which Hange spoke about Titans was notably absent as they explained this part. "When a mindless Titan eats a human who can turn into a Titan at will, they regain their human form and take on the powers of the Titan Shifter they ate. It's unlikely that Bertholdt and Reiner just left after all the work they put into destroying our civilization and capturing Eren, but even if they did, we still have Annie Leonhart. We plan on attempting to run tests on her crystal after the expedition- if it's anything like the structures under the Reiss estate, it's hard but brittle, so we should be able to crack it open easily with the proper tools."
"Wh-what if the process kills her?" Mansel asked, his already pallid face turning somewhat sallow.
"Then it kills her." Levi's response was cold, bordering on hateful. "No one said anything about the person being eaten needing to be alive during the process; they just need spinal fluid. Theoretically, we could just rip her spine out and toss it down to whoever gets Titanized for them to slurp it up like a noodle." Pixis, Mansel and Nile all groaned in disgust, while Zachary chuckled slightly.
"You certainly paint a vivid picture, Lieutenant. I think we're all in agreement that being alive and waiting to turn back into a human is a preferable fate to being dead, so now the question becomes who do we entrust it to? You, Erwin?" He almost snorted, lifting his stump and allowing his empty sleeve to dangle for them all to see.
"I would have difficulty preparing an injection in a setting such as this; on the battlefield in the heat of the moment, I wouldn't trust myself not to drop it. I'm certain there's a one-armed doctor out there somewhere who can prepare and administer shots with ease, but I'm not him."
"Then a medic, to ensure that it's actually administered correctly? After all, none of us wants a repeat of what happened outside Orvud…"
"In any other circumstance, I'd agree with you, General, but this serum won't do anyone any good if the medics are incapacitated. Proper administration can be learned. This should be entrusted to our most talented soldier with the best odds of survival…" He looked down at his lieutenant. "Will you take responsibility for this, Levi?" The shorter man glanced up at him, a strange tone in his voice.
"…if those are my orders, those are my orders; why even bother asking?"
"I'm not asking if you'll follow orders- I'm asking if you're ready to accept this responsibility. We can't predict how this will be used in the field; there may not be time to relay orders or even get a second opinion. We have the chance to save one soldier, and who that soldier is will be entirely up to you. Can I trust you with that?"
Levi swallowed, his jaw clenching. Erwin wondered if he was thinking back to his first mission. He certainly was, and while the man had since proven himself more than capable as a lieutenant, it was impossible to ignore the fact that everything he did, every choice he made, was still based on orders that came from someone else. Even during the week he and his squad had been fleeing the Anti-Personnel Squad, he'd had an objective; keep Eren and Historia safe. "Save one person's life" was so open-ended and esoteric that honestly, Erwin didn't know if he'd be able to take on that burden himself.
"You joined the Survey Corps to find out the 'truth' about Titans and shit, right…?" the dark-haired man muttered softly. "What're you gonna do if you actually learn it…?" He resisted the urge to frown, but his gaze chilled slightly as he chose his words carefully.
"…what does anyone do when their dream comes true? I suppose I'll have to find out when it does."
"…I see." Levi's entire demeanor was guarded, his voice, his face not revealing a single thought or feeling. As he took the box, his gaze flickered for all of a second, looking from the dark wooden case to the dark woman now groaning softly on the bed as she slowly roused. "Alright. I'll do it…"
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Autumn was quickly approaching, but the sun shone so brightly overhead that it would be easy to mistake the day of the coronation for the height of summer. The atmosphere in Mitras was completely unlike anything Erwin had ever experienced within the capital. Even when he and his soldiers arrived early that morning, the streets had been crowded, and more people had been pouring in ever since.
Security at each of the four gates and ferry ports was extremely tight, but for the first time possibly since humanity was corralled into these Walls, the people entering did not need to present any kind of permission. Historia had all but demanded that her coronation be witnessed by anyone who could make the trip, and as a result, people from the wealthiest merchants to the poorest farmers had been rallying for a vantage point nearest the massive scaffolding for hours. It wasn't just excited spectators, of course.
Vendors were lined up, eager to get their foot into the lucrative business of selling food and drink to the masses. Souvenir stands had been set up- even small theaters putting on puppet shows for those who'd brought their children to witness this momentous event. With the sights and sounds and smells in the air, the royal capital felt more like Shiganshina on a festival day. It would have been far more enjoyable if he wasn't currently sweating through his dress greens. Even though he was the only Scout who was going to be on public display, Erwin had demanded the rest of his soldiers dress in full uniform as well.
They were not civilians- they were soldiers, and even if they weren't going to respect the monarchy, they were damn well going to respect all the brave fallen Scouts who'd given their lives just for them to reach this turning point in history. He'd had less complaints from the 104th recruits than from Hange, who'd grumbled under their breath and tugged at their coat the entire time until they separated, stating they'd spotted some "friends" in the crowd they wanted to catch up with.
There was still some time until the coronation itself, and while the prudent thing to do might have been to seek out the other commanders and see if their branches had made any headway in finding out useful information from the nobility, Erwin instead found himself perusing the various stalls merchants had set up, trying to ignore their grating voices as they hocked their wares. He wasn't exactly looking for a souvenir- more of an apology offering…
Thomasin had slept through most of the previous day and all through the night. Erwin had been worried that showering in his own bathroom would wake her, but she'd been so deep asleep that neither the running water nor even the creaking of drawers roused her. She wasn't unconscious- she'd woken up several times but, aside from needing to use the toilet, she would just roll over into a more comfortable position and fall asleep once more.
Erwin had been worried- well, "terrified" was the more appropriate term- his own stints of injury and the illness they brought still fresh in his mind, but Hange of all people had brushed off his concerns with a very simple explanation; Thomasin was just tired. That was all. They'd worked her, along with Moblit, into the ground for the past several days trying to get to the bottom of that serum, but while XO Berner had adapted to hours of sedentary desk work over the years, Thomasin, by her own admission, was used to spending those hours on her feet. Not everyone could intrinsically appreciate the allure of research, and she'd even fallen asleep several times in her chair (once even falling out onto the floor, how adorable!).
The lack of sleep and lack of proper meals and all-around stress brought on by presenting such groundbreaking discoveries to such important people obviously just came together in a perfect storm that would be a bit much for anyone not named "Erwin Smith" to handle. He found it darkly amusing that Hange thought he was immune to the effects of exhaustion, hunger and stress considering that exact "perfect storm" resulted in him breaking down far worse than either Hange or Thomasin ever had. Still, he had to acknowledge that Hange had a point. Everyone was exhausted, and it wasn't as though his worrying about it would do anything to help, so he simply made an effort to be as quiet as possible as he dressed.
Of course, being careful meant he moved even slower than usual, which meant that by the time he'd mostly dressed he was running late. He needed to catch the ferry and he couldn't even button his coat or tighten his tie. That would have to wait- Levi had better not have told the carriage to leave without him.
"Mmm… Erwin…?" He froze, mid-step, looking back over his shoulder to where Thomasin was beginning to stir, pushing herself up to sit. He tried to smile reassuringly but was certain all he'd managed was a grimace.
"Morning, dearest. Sorry, I have to go-"
"What? Where-?"
"The queen's coronation. There's a carriage waiting for me- I have to go now."
"Wait, Erwin-"
"Just relax and take it easy-"
"-we need to-"
"-I'll see you soon. I love you~"
He closed the door carefully behind him, trying to walk as fast as he could without running. Thomasin was still calling out to him, but the wood muffled her words. She'd probably forgotten the coronation was today, and was still too groggy to understand what he was saying. Well, either she'd remember when she woke up further, or else, someone would fill her in. Still, even though it was for an important reason, he nevertheless felt like a bastard for leaving the moment she woke up, especially when she wasn't feeling well. She'd been so kind and patient when he'd been unwell, and this was how he repaid her? He knew she would understand, but it still left a bad taste in his mouth…
It felt like a cheap cop out, trying to buy forgiveness, but he reasoned that all he was doing was softening her up for his actual apology. Alas, he didn't think he was going to find anything out here that would help him in that endeavor. The fact that their soon-to-be regent had been a Scout led the nobility that wasn't frothing at the mouth at this change in regime to conclude that the Survey Corps was now in vogue. Blue and silver fabrics were in high demand, and the new fashion seemed to be waistcoats cut short to emulate the style of military jackets. It was a repulsive display, and Erwin almost found himself longing for the days when these people just openly sneered at him; hiding his contempt in the face of bald disdain was far easier than resisting the urge to strike out at these frauds defaming the memory of actual soldiers.
Unfortunately, the trends of the rich and powerful trickled down into the lower classes as well, and while they could not afford the high fashion of the nobles, plenty of people had donned pins and scarves and rosettes all emblazoned with the Wings of Freedom. It was a game to them, seeing who could be more "loyal" to their beloved new queen, and the vendors were happy to cash in on their fervor. It was unarguably a good thing, which was why Erwin swallowed his disgust and kept his mouth shut, ignoring the merchants calling out to him with promises of heavily discounted goods once they spotted the actual Corps insignia on his back. There were a plethora of bookstores in the Interior; if he had time, hopefully he could stop into one of those and find something that wouldn't remind Thomasin or himself of the Survey Corps.
~o0o~
It was just past noon when the coronation itself ended, but the celebrations outside were still going so strong that the sounds of cheering could be heard all the way within the Chancellery. Levi had gone off with their little queen to meet with the members of her new cabinet on a certain project they were both working on. In spite of her youth, Historia was quite astute and realized that, at least for the next several years, she too would just be a figurehead. After all, a girl who'd barely been afforded a grade school education had no way of understanding what it would take to rule a country, and so she agreed to let a council of ministers handle most of the work of running the country- though there were far more checks and balances in place with this regime than had been present in the old one.
However, she'd been quite adamant on one stipulation. There were a number of "charitable works" she wanted to use her newfound position to take on, and if anyone attempted to hinder her efforts, the next coup would not be nearly so bloodless. Despite all the cheers and smiles, there was a storm of discontent out there brewing just below the surface, and she could either work to quell it… or gladly let it wash over the land. She'd come from nothing and lost what little she'd had- she had nothing left to lose… did they? Levi had been utterly silent during that cold speech of hers, but Erwin had known the man long enough to know he'd been cackling like a demon on the inside. In truth, he himself had too many other things to worry about now to care about plans to bring the people from the Underground to the surface as homesteaders; he was more interested in the latest round of seizures brought in from several more of the noble families who refused to accept the new order.
The Kleist and Chambrun families in particular, old blood- incredibly old blood- had been so utterly disgusted by the attempts of "slaves" to not only encroach upon their land but rise above their station, that they had taken arms against the MPs when they came to search their property. It truly seemed that those few bloodlines favored by the Reiss family within the Interior were living in a completely different world than the rest of humanity, one where things were no different now than they'd been over a century ago. Many of these families held onto relics from the outside world, hidden from the king and the Assembly for generations, reminders of their power and their perceived untouchable status…
The MPs had confiscated several of these that may have been of use to the Survey Corps, and Erwin was practically salivating at the thought of setting eyes on them. Of course, it had been decided that these treasures would be better served as publicly owned pieces rather than allowing them to gather dust in private, and so once the Corps gleaned everything they could from these artifacts, they would be shipped to universities for practical research. One of the "charitable works" Historia had planned was a center of sorts where the common folk could also see these antiques. She could not return the memories her ancestor stole from humanity, but in this way, she said, she could at least give back some of their history.
It was honestly a very touching sentiment, and it showed that even if she did not understand the details that went into running a kingdom, she intrinsically understood how to make people love her. Unfortunately, Erwin sincerely doubted even a minority of people would be half as interested in their forgotten history as he was. Case in point, the man walking beside him as they headed to one of the many apartments that were currently serving as meeting rooms for the heads of the military. Their boots squeaked on the polished tile, an annoying metronome that all but drowned out the quiet voices of the other soldiers whispering in the alcoves, lieutenant and executive officers waiting for their COs, MPs that now served as the new royal guard… There was an almost ear piercing screech as Nile stopped suddenly, his narrow chest rising and falling as he breathed furiously.
"God dammit…"
"What is it?"
"Just do it already…" Erwin frowned.
"Do what? I'm certain I don't know what you're talking about."
"You-!" Nile's hands balled into fists, and it seemed to take all the willpower he had to keep from throwing a punch. He seethed through clenched teeth, "I know you wanna gloat. You are just waiting to rub my face in this, so go ahead and do it!" Erwin sighed quietly and continued walking.
"Nile, please. We're grown men; surely we've matured beyond such pettiness?" He'd walked several steps before his old friend jogged to catch up with him, once again falling in step. They walked down another hall in silence. "…hey, Nile?"
"What?"
"Remember in our first year in the Training Corps, when I told you the king took away everyone's memories and you called me 'a delusional lunatic'?"
"Oh, god…" Erwin did not stop, but turned slowly to face the other man as he continued to walk, his voice a cold, harsh whisper.
"What kind of lunatic am I now, Nile?"
"The kind who's about to get the rest of his teeth knocked out." He would not let the threat of violence sour his victory.
"I told you. I fucking told you, almost twenty years ago! My father was right about the king, and he was right about everything else, too! I know you don't believe me. You never believed me. Even now, when you know I'm right, you're doubting me."
"Of course I'm doubting you- you sound insane! But then again, what else has changed?" Nile stopped again, sighing this time as he ran a hand through his short cropped hair. "Look. I can buy the first king being a Titan who erased everyone's memories- I kind of have no choice but to believe that because apparently, that's just a fact that I have to accept no matter how much I hate it. But you know first hand what Titans do to people. What they do to cities. And you expect me to believe that, in a world crawling with Titans, there are people who have been lucky enough to avoid them for a century?"
"It's possible that there are people within Wall Maria who've avoided Titans all this time, Nile, for one obvious reason; if there are no immediately available humans nearby, Titans will be drawn to the highest concentration of people. We know this, we've obseved this. If our civilization within the Walls is the highest concentration of readily available people, it stands to reason that the majority of Titans would wander here. The Walls aren't an obstacle to them- most Titans don't even seem to register physical objects that aren't humans. I can't count how many times I've seen them run head first into a tree trying to get at me." Erwin could hear his voice rising, that old familiar frustration coming back, but this time tempered with… dare he say it? Excitement… how long had it been since he'd had a debate like this, about Titans? And with Nile, no less!
"We're on level gound. There are mountains all over the world- there are giant lakes bigger than anything you can possibly imagine- it's more unlikely that there aren't other people hiding somewhere Titans can't get to them. And even if they could, we figured out how to fight them; why wouldn't other people? To believe that all other humans who weren't in the right place at the right time to come here simply gave up and died is hubris." This time at least, Nile managed to not roll his eyes a single time, but he still shook his head.
"I think the only hubris here is coming from you, Erwin. Your little theory is banking on the assumption that, all over the world, the majority of people are like you. They're not. They can't be. Even within the Walls, they're not. Most people are like me- weak, simple cowards who would absolutely give up and die if they came face to face with a Titan. Fuck graduating second- ranks in the Training Corps don't mean shit; I was terrified seeing Titans as a grown man. But even if every race in every corner of the world had a group of suicidal maniacs like the Survey Corps, that is not enough to maintain a civilization for a century, Erwin. It's not just enough to fight Titans. You have to farm or hunt. You have to collect resources and refine them and makes things with them. You have to bear and raise children, and I don't see any civilization that isn't cowering behind walls like us being able to do that. And unless there's another king out there that can control Titans, I don't see there being any more Walls."
Erwin was almost taken aback. For the first time since he'd known him, Nile wasn't just dismissing him out of hand, but actually providing a well thought out argument for why he was wrong. It had only taken him eighteen years to think of one, but a small part of him was proud that his friend was, at the very least, actually thinking for himself now instead of just believing things because he had been told to believe them. The smallest of smiles curved his lips as he laid his hand on the other man's shoulder.
"Just you wait, Nile. I know I'm right, and I'm going to prove it to you specifically." Nile scoffed, but his eyes held a definite glint of amusement.
"If you can bring me proof that humans are alive outside the Walls, Erwin, I'll eat my hat."
"Do you even own a hat?"
"I'll buy one especially to eat. Something expensive- maybe one of those big fancy ones that noble ladies wear."
000000000
Somehow, what was meant to be a single afternoon away from base turned into an overnight trip, which turned into another day, which then turned into several more days. Erwin wished he could have spent all that time pouring over the treasures unearthed from the nobility. He'd had a difficult time appreciating those relics, given how often he'd struggled to blink away his tears. Artworks of fantastical landscapes. Statues of creatures that beggared belief. Books written in languages beyond comprehension… It left a physical pang in his soul that his father couldn't also see these wondrous things.
Unfortunately, for as awe-inspiring as they were, they didn't contain all that much information, at least, not information that would be of any immediate help in regards to their upcoming mission. Many families had maps, but they were of places so far away from the Walls that they may as well have been imaginary. It was entirely possible that one of those hundreds of scrolls or books said exactly where the Titans were coming from, but no one within the Walls would be able to comprehend them. Even the noble families who put their own self-preservation above their pride could not help them. These artifacts had been brought across the sea by their ancestors, the secrets they contained lost to the ages. One or two prided themselves on knowing some of the letters, maybe a words here or there, but they were hardly literate in what even they considered "dead" languages.
As far as they, and most everyone else was concerned, the past was past. There may once have been great civilizations out there, but the Titans came and took all that away just as surely as the first king within the Walls took away their memories of those civilizations. Of course, that made for a rather rousing recruitment speech. There were too many bases to visit, and he had too many things to oversee, but Erwin at least made the trip to speak to the Ehrmich Garrison. He doubted the soldiers in Trost wanted anything to do with him, but those horror stories had yet to reach those further north.
Hearing you talk about the way life was and the things you believe are still beyond the Walls would probably inspire way more people to join the Survey Corps than all of Commander Shadis' hollow bullshit about humanity's glory…
For the first time in his tenure as Commander, Erwin took those words to heart, his speech to these soldiers not a fierce rebuke of the Titans, but something deeper, something more personal, more human- the desire to reclaim what was taken from them. They'd lost their history, their memories, their homes… was it not time for them to rise up and say "No more"? They'd clawed their autonomy back from the former king, and once they wrenched their lands back from the Titans, so too would they set out and create memories for the next generation of the world that had been stolen from them.
Even though he doubted he'd won over that many new transfers, for the first time, his words were not met with suspicion and disdain by the majority, but with resounding applause. Even if these soldiers did not want to put their lives on the line directly, for first time, they truly seemed to believe in those that did. His few remaining captains had lamented that there was no way in hell they were going to be able replicate his speech even if they repeated his words verbatim.
Erwin's good at rabble rousing. Always has been…
The fraying, stained patch never left his pocket, always there for his fingers to brush against when his body grew sluggish and his eyes heavy, a constant reminder that he had so much more work to do. Hange was namely in charge of picking through the stolen bits of technology the Interior MPs hid away, deciding what could and wouldn't be useful to them in the immediate future, but they were also working with Eren to try and condition him to harden his Titan form at will, so Erwin found himself traveling to the Factory Cities to try and mitigate some of their workload.
In an effort to crank out weapons and gear faster, each of the three had taken over a particular aspect of development. The eastern factory was working on new type of ballistic Hange had dreamed up with the help of the Garrison engineers, while the western factory had split the load with the factory in Wall Sina adapt the modified ODM gear used by the Anti-Personnel squad into something more efficient without needing an entirely new learning curve. Of course, in order to even get to the factory, he had to pass by a place he'd been avoiding even thinking about for weeks. So much had happened, they suffered so many losses- it was only natural he'd put it off. And so he kept putting off further and further until now, when he no longer had an excuse…
It had been nearly three years since Erwin traveled down this road. It hadn't seemed so desolate back then, even though it had been all but silent. There were people about the hamlet today, feeding their animals, chopping wood, repairing fences- there was no celebration to interrupt the monotony of daily life today. His eyes wandered above the dense treeline in the distance, only spotting the thin wisps of smoke because he knew where to look. The factories were increasing production, the crystals they'd dubbed "glowstones" giving off enough light that even in the dead of night, a room could be bright as it would be at midday.
He hadn't even realized that he'd begun breathing harder until he heard his own breath in his ears, a ragged gasp for air. Inhaling deeply, he straightened. Emotions had no place here. Dismounting in front of a familiar, two story cottage, Erwin hitched his horse to the fence post, retrieving the canvas knapsack from the saddle bag and slinging it over his shoulder. He tucked the neatly folded cloak under his arm and, swallowing hard, approached the door.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
The wood was soft enough to dull his knocks, muffling the sound of stomping footsteps coming closer and voices within. The door opened inwards, revealing a blonde girl whose height betrayed her youthful face. The ebullient smile Mike's sister wore vanished the moment she recognized Erwin, pain flashing in her all too familiar gray-green eyes before being overtaken entirely with loathing. She slammed the door in his face, those stomping footsteps retreating as a woman's voice yelled something.
"Now, what in-?" The door opened again, a much older, shorter woman now standing before him. "Erwin…" She looked so much like her son that he felt his throat grow tighter. Try as he might, he couldn't stop his voice from cracking slightly.
"I'm sorry to disturb you, Mrs. Zacharias. I… I've brought Mike's personal effects…" The older woman smiled at him, but it was strained, unable to break through the sorrow in her eyes.
"Oh, yer not distubin' anything, baby. Come in." She stood back to allow him entry, calling out deeper into the house, "Reggie! Erwin's here!"
Despite the all the windows and even the back door in the kitchen being open, it was still sweltering. The contents of a large iron pot bubbled merrily, filling the air with a smell that would have had his stomach rumbling at any other point. Right now, seated at a dinner table that was far too large for only three people, it only served to make him feel sick. In his old age, Mr. Zacharias was somewhat stooped, but it was clear that in his prime, he'd been a giant of a man just like his son.
"Oh, I was wonderin' what got into Claire. Pay her no mind, Commander; she's still got it in her head that her brother's comin' back. Every time there's a knock on the door or a letter, she throws a fit."
"I'm sorry that I wasn't able to tell you myself-"
"Oh, don't you worry 'bout that, none! You musta been busier than a bee in May." Mrs. Zacharias busied herself making tea. "Mr. Levi sent us a very kind letter explainin' everything. He said you was hurt, but I… I didn't think it was that bad…" She glanced over her shoulder, and he could feel her gaze on his empty sleeve.
"This is nothing," he assured her. "I should have come here far sooner, but one thing after another just kept cropping up. I know that's no excuse, and I sincerely apologize that it's taken me this long." He set both the bag, and the cloak, on the table. Mr. Zacharias reached out, laying a hand over the Wings of Freedom, tracing the silvery feathers with a wizened finger.
"…and there weren't no part of him y'all could've brought back…?"
"I'm afraid not."
"Was it quick, at least?" Mrs. Zacharias set a tray on the table, setting cups in front of both Erwin and her husband before taking her own. Her hands shook slightly, causing the delicate cup to rattle in its saucer. "I- I know they say it's a might terrifyin' way to go, but- but Mike said sometimes they go quick. …did he go quick?" Erwin forced his jaw to unclench, forced his throat to loosen. He forced himself not to blink because he could feel the burning in his eyes and he refused to let a single tear fall.
"I wasn't there when it happened, but the soldiers who were said it happened instantly. He didn't suffer." All that was left of him was a torso, stripped of his motor. Left to die. Left to rot.
Nobody should be cursed with that knowledge…
Knowledge is never a curse. Knowing things is always preferable to being ignorant…
The only ignorant one was him. He was stupid. So stupid… Mrs. Zacharias' lips pulled into a tremulous, watery smile even as tears rolled down her cheeks.
"Thank god, that's- that's all I wanted to know…" Her hands shook so much, tea sloshed over the sides of the cup. "I- I know he was brave; at least he…" She dropped the saucer, paying no heed to the shards of porcelain or scalding hot liquid splashing over her shoes as she covered her eyes and began wailing. Mr. Zacharias stood as fast as his age would allow him, moving to her side and drawing her into an embrace as she sobbed into his chest.
"Anna…"
"Oh god, it ain't fair! Why him?! Why my baby boy?!" As those heart-wrenching sobs and moans cut through him, Erwin's body moved of its own accord. He half rose from his seat, but his legs would not obey, giving out and dropping him to his knees. That slight movement caught the eye of the older woman and she glanced at him, her face glistening. "Erwin…?"
"I'm sorry…"
"What?" He crawled forward on his knees, lowering himself further, further to the ground, until his forehead brushed against the quickly cooling tea.
"I'm sorry…" His traitorous body refused to listen to him, tears dripping from his tightly shut eyes as he tried and failed to regulate his breathing. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry… This is my fault- it's all my fault… If I could give my life to bring your son back, I would a thousand times over…!" With her dress and her age, she had a much harder time of it than him, but Mrs. Zacharias managed to kneel on the damp floor before him, her hand far too kind as she stroked his hair.
"Don't you say that. Yer life ain't worth less than nobody else's."
"But-"
"Don't you gimme no 'buts'- Mike would be in a right state if he heard you talkin' that kinda nonsense. That boy loved you like you were his flesh and blood." Loathe as he was to do so, Erwin couldn't fight against the hands lifting his face, forcing him to look the older woman in the eye… into those eyes that looked so much like her son's, only he'd never seen Mike cry before. Maybe he'd cried when those Titans tore him apart…
"Listen, baby; I know it's hard, and I know it hurts, but… you just gotta remember that Mike's lookin' down at us from heaven, and the last thing he'd want is for anyone- 'specially someone he loves- to spend the rest of their life bein' miserable because of him. I keep tryna' tell Clair that, but… she's young. It's gonna take her a bit more time. But I know yer well past old enough to understand that." She smiled again, and while it was less strained, it looked no less tearful. "Yer gonna retake Wall Maria and drive out all them Titans, and- and explore the world beyond the Walls, and, oh… Mike's gonna be so proud of you, Erwin. I know he is." The tears slowly rolling down his cheeks burned like acid.
"Yes… I'm going to make him proud..."
000000000
Nearly a week had passed by the time he returned to Trost, and while he was beyond exhausted, Hange and Levi both had been waiting to provide him with good news. He assumed Thomasin was still residing in his room, so he bade his ranking officers remain outside for one second while he popped in to apologize profusely before they could head to Levi's office to speak. His quarters were unnaturally quiet, and peering into his bedroom revealed that it was empty, the covers tucked so tightly, one could bounce a coin off them. That was… odd, but… she'd probably just stepped out. At least, that was what he believed until he spotted a note that had been written on stationary that usually did not sit on his desk very long- his own, bearing the Survey Corps' insignia.
I'm going home.
It almost seemed like a waste of a piece of paper, but even though the rest of the page appeared blank, Erwin could practically feel the loathing contained in that empty space. Several heavy thuds against the door pulled him from his thoughts.
"Oi! You two'd better not be fucking in there while we're waiting!"
"…come in." There was a long pause before the door ever so slowly creaked open, revealing a sliver of Levi's face, his visible brow drawn in suspicion.
"…you two especially better not be fucking now…" Erwin inhaled deeply, beating his feelings into what few crevices weren't already overflowing with all the things he didn't have time to deal with yet.
"We can speak in here after all." Hange practically bowled over Levi in their haste to enter the room, rushing right past the desk to search the bedroom, their face falling upon finding it empty.
"Where's Thomasin? I figured if she wasn't downstairs to greet you, she must've been up here."
"It seems she went back to Calaneth."
"Without saying 'goodbye'?" He held up the paper.
"I assume that's what the note was for."
"That's not a proper goodbye!" Levi scoffed as he dropped into his seat.
"What, she's supposed to wait here for a month on the off chance Erwin decides to come back early just so she can remind him that she has a life to get back to like a good little house pet? He's lucky she left a note; I'd have just taken a shit on his desk."
"Which is why I thank God every day that I'm not married to you." Although, even though he couldn't see Thomasin actually going through with something like that, he could definitely see her considering it. Her mind worked extraordinarily like Levi's at times- no. This wasn't the time to think about that. He turned his attention back to Hange. "So you have the results of some experiments for me?" Their prior dismay vanished the moment they were given the go-ahead to talk freely, and they quickly sat, a smile stretching their face almost uncomfortably wide.
"Yes sir, I do!" They quickly rifled through the files they'd brought with them, selecting a few and laying them on the desk for him to see. The main things that stood out to him were the field sketches, many of which appeared to be Eren's Titan body fusing with various materials- stone, wood, metal, et cetera.
"So far, Eren doesn't seem capable of producing more mass than what his Titan body is comprised of. If we wanted him to create a structure like what was under the Reiss chapel, he would have to transform, stand in the place where on of the pillars would need to be, harden, and repeat that process for however long it takes. And seeing as those pillars aren't Titan-shaped, I'd hazard a guess that whatever Titan did that has an ability that allows them to create mass independent of their body. How, I have no idea."
"Well, that doesn't matter at the moment. We're not trying to build a structure- we're trying to, at least temporarily, plug two holes. Do you think Eren would be able to do that?" Hange's smile turned into a wince.
"I'm gonna give it a tentative, but hopeful… 'maybe'?" They sighed. "The problem isn't that he can't do it- it's that it takes forever! It's like a plaster cast- it has to actually harden before he leaves his Titan body, otherwise the whole thing decomposes. And it take a lot of concentration. It's been five years, and most of the Titans that came through Shiganshina are probably clustered around Trost, but there's no guarantee that if we head out, more won't just flood in from wherever they're coming from in the south. Not to mention any Abnormals that have just been hibernating or whatever; remember how they all started coming out of the woodwork the day of the Trost attack? If they attack Eren while he's hardening… he's fucked, we're fucked- all of humanity is fucked!"
"So… what?" Levi pondered aloud. "In the meantime, we just head out and thin out their numbers? I mean, it'd be good combat experience for the new recruits… if it wouldn't end up killing most of them." Hange's smile brightened a bit as they flipped through one of the folders.
"Actually, I think I have a way to thin out the herd that only involves a few of us going on the other side of the Wall, and only once or twice. Moblit drew the blueprints; they're in here somewhere-" Levi had been looking through the papers they were shuffling with something bordering on interest for a moment before his head snapped up, turning to face the door.
Erwin was about to ask what the matter was when three sharply punctuated knocks interrupted him. Before he could even ask who was there, despite having a good idea already, his lieutenant was on his feet, opening the door completely unprompted. Erwin opened his mouth, but somehow the words I'm sorry twisted into:
"I thought you left."
"I was at the inner gate when I heard you came back." That warm smile and lilting voice that he'd grown so accustomed to over the years were nowhere to be found. The woman who limped into his office uninvited was who he'd assumed Thomasin would grow up to be back when they were cadets; an adult as cold and unapproachable as the teenager she'd once been.
It was like looking at a stranger, and his heart sank into the floor as he wondered just how badly he'd fucked up to completely freeze over all the warmth he knew burned within her. He fully expected her to curse him out in front of his soldiers, but she didn't. Reaching the desk, she lifted her arm, and dropped the small box she'd been carrying in front of him, paying no heed to the papers already there.
"For you. Open it." He tried to smile, but couldn't even manage an insincere grin.
"I'm sorry, Thomasin; I'm in the middle of a-"
"Open. It." An uncomfortably familiar chill ran up his spine, the same chill he'd felt all those years ago when Levi glared up at him, silently vowing to slit his throat.
Swallowing, Erwin tore his eyes from the chips of obsidian threatening to flay him and directed his attention to the box. It wasn't very big, maybe twenty centimeters cubed. It was quite plain too, not wrapped but tied with a simple blue ribbon that, thankfully, was not knotted. It took a bit of tugging, but he managed to pull it loose with one hand, removing the lid and peering inside along with his officers. Hange sucked in a sharp breath, knocking his hand aside to reach into the box, their eyes practically bulging from their skull.
"Levi, look!" Their hands trembled as they presented the tiny cloth shoes to the shorter man. "They'll fit you perfectly!" Levi groaned as though he'd just been shot.
"Oh, fuck me; how long am I going to have to put up with these shitty jokes…?"
"Just until the baby outgrows you… so, four, maybe five years- ow!" Erwin wasn't even making an effort to ignore his officers; he could barely hear them over the rush of his own blood in his ears.
"…how… far along-?"
"A little over a month."
"You're sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure. I saw a doctor a few days ago- he did an examination."
"This is amazing!" If Hange shook any more violently, they were going to explode. They wrapped their arms around Thomasin in a bone-bruising hug, to which the dark woman didn't react, staring down at her husband, unblinking. Hange, of course, didn't notice, lost in their own world. "I'm so excited! We have to plan the expedition now, but once we're done, we can throw you two a baby shower and think of names and- gih!" Levi pulled them back by the collar so violently, the starched fabric visibly cut into their throat.
"You. Leave. Now."
"But-! But-!" He began dragging them towards the door, pausing for a moment to confiscate the booties they were still carrying and throw them back into the box from which they came, before marching Hange from the room like a prisoner.
The smallest part of Erwin's mind wished they hadn't left. It was ultimately for the best- this was clearly a private conversation- but now, there wasn't even the slightest buffer between him and Thomasin's piercing stare. He glanced away from her- it was the only way he could relax his throat enough to speak.
"So… what do we do now?"
"That's what I'm here to ask you." She sat in Levi's newly vacated seat, thankfully no longer looming over him. That stare seemed far less threatening when it wasn't directed down at him from on high. "You have a choice to make, Erwin. You said a lot of stupid nonsense about kids last month, but I'm going to need you to actually stop and think real hard about this, and only this. Not the Survey Corps, not Titans or what's beyond the Walls, or your fucking father, because none of that matters right now. You need to think about this. Do you… want children?" Her words were so harsh, so angry, but when he looked back at her face, all he saw there was fear.
"Why is this all up to me? What about what you want?"
"You know what I want- to not be a single mother. And I'm not going to be. That's why I'm here; that's the only reason I'm here. If you want to have a child, you're going to have to actually help raise it. And if you don't, you need to tell me right fucking now, because the longer I wait to get rid of it, the harder and more dangerous it'll be for me." He blanched.
"Dangerous?"
"Yeah. What, you think the baby fairy just comes and takes away unwanted children?"
"If it's dangerous to… 'get rid of it', wouldn't it just be safer to… not do that? To give birth?" Thomasin let out a harsh bark of laughter.
"Oh, of course, that's so much safer! Strokes, hemorrhages, infections, breeches; I'm certain none of that plays a role in childbirth killing more women than the fucking Survey Corps does! Of course, none of that affects you, so why would you care!? You don't need to pull out- you got your jollies off, you're done, and now I'm the one who has to deal with the consequences! Only me! Only ever me, just like always!"
She didn't even seem to notice the tears spilling down her cheeks, splashing onto her blouse, until her hoarse voice broke and she began sobbing in earnest. Erwin didn't move until she stopped yelling- he wasn't going to deny her the venting she desperately needed- but as she covered her face with her arms, he walked around the desk until he stood beside her. He only had the one arm to wrap around her, so he leaned his body harder against her to make up for that missing squeeze of his right arm.
"No… it's not only you. Not any more. I'm here with you."
"No, you're not!" she wailed, her voice muffled by her sleeves.
"Yes, I am. I'm right here with you." He closed his eyes, trying to think, trying to formulate a plan- that was the only thing he was truly good at. "…I know you said it needs to be done as soon as possible, but when's the latest you could… end it before it becomes too dangerous to consider?" Thomasin sniffled, wiping her face.
"Every medicine I know starts losing efficacy after the first trimester."
"And that means…?"
"After about three months." He nodded.
"And you're just over one month pregnant." Moving the chair slightly so he could kneel in front of her, Erwin took her hand, damp and slick with tears, and squeezed it. "One month. I know this marriage has been an absolute shit show, but give me one month to prove that I can take care of you, that I can be a good husband and at least a decent father. And if, by then end of the month, I have completely failed in your eyes, I will use every connection I have to take you to a hospital in Mitras to… take care of this." She sniffled again, wiping the tears clinging to her lashes with her other hand.
"Then what?" He shrugged slightly.
"Then we go from there. I'm not going to hold a grudge against you if we don't have children, Thomasin. I told you- if it happens and we both want that, that's fine, but if it doesn't, that's fine, too. I didn't marry you because of some burning desire to start a family…" He brought her hand to his lips, kissing away the damp clinging to her fingertips. "You are my family. You are more than enough for me." Glancing up at her, Erwin caught the single tear slowly rolling down her sticky cheek. It clung to her chin, but did not fall.
"What about your expedition?" He frowned slightly, bemused.
"What about it?"
"Isn't that this month? Do I have to wait until that's over before you find a moment to spare for me?"
"Thomasin, we're going down to Shiganshina and coming right back- the expedition itself will barely take two days, if that. All I'm doing now is overseeing preparations."
"Like you have been for the last five days…?"
"No," he lied, "not like that at all." He moved closer to her, until his chest brushed against her knee, her ever-extended prosthesis scraping against his side. "That was because… I… didn't think I needed to check up on you. That was wrong of me, and I'm sorry for it. But now I know that I need to check up on you regularly, and I always do what I need to."
"Even if it has nothing to do with the Survey Corps?" she asked quietly, and he grinned.
"I don't think you realize who you're talking to. I'm Commander Erwin Smith- I can multitask like a motherfucker. My father had a full time job while he was taking care of a child and his dying wife on his own; what kind of failure would I be if I couldn't even manage to supervise other people doing their full time jobs while taking care of my healthy wife?"
"You're not your father…" No, he wasn't half the man his father had been… He was just his son. All he could do was try to make him, and so many others, proud.
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A/N- So, I like writing about settings that lack modern medicine, and pregnancy and childbirth before the advent of modern medicine was a fucking nightmare (and it still is for people who don't have access to all those medical advancements) and is something of a personal phobia for me. Someone like Thomasin, who not only has a medical background but grew up in poverty, would know first hand how pants-shittingly terrifying having a kid would be in a world that probably hasn't even developed antibiotics yet (seriously, you can't tell me that Grisha's miracle plague cure wasn't just penicillin he had to learn how to make himself from bread mold).
Something that really annoyed me in canon AoT was the impression the story gave that, despite the people living in Mitras being immune to the Founding Titan (because remember- the noble families aren't Subjects of Ymir) and thus being able to retain and pass down memories of the outside world… no one seems interested in finding out what they know? Like, if you believe these rich and powerful families would throw away the most expensive heirlooms in existence just because the king said to, clearly you have never met another human being before. We're told "yeah, some MPs hid away stuff they were supposed to destroy" and that some families "cooperated", but that doesn't mean anything. Did no one go digging through the vaults of the actual people who were in cahoots with the royal family? Just because they weren't publicly announcing shit doesn't mean they didn't tell this kids and grandkids. People bring things with them when they emigrate.
Musical Bear- Ah, your comment was like a balm for my heart (is that weird? I'm sorry if it's weird but it's true). Oh hell yes- I love Levi, too. I feel like he had so much more potential that just "strong fanservice man", and that's probably why he's going to be getting a decent amount of screen time (page time?) going forward. And I'm also so glad to know that I'm not the only person who wanted… just any kind of reaction to the mindblowing revelations that had come to light at that point in the story? But I admit, I am not a big action fan (especially battle shonen, which is why I initially ignored AoT until literally last year, and even then, it was the OST that drew me in). I am way more interested in knowing how the fictional ecomony works and the regional cultures than I am in which giant naked monster man is going to win their MMA fight.