"Stop wriggling, little one."

"'M not wriggling."

"Yes, you are." The Master furrowed his brows, retreating his hands from mine. "You're never that fidgety when we connect. What's the matter?"

I gnawed on my bottom lip, averting my gaze. At least he wasn't peeking inside my mind bubbles, otherwise he would know the reason I was nervous. Hiding anything from him wasn't easy, especially not when we shared. I didn't even want to hide it and I wouldn't if there would be another way.

"I'm just… I'm not good with secrets. I hate them." It was the truth. He didn't need to know that I meant more than the secret we both kept from the Doctor. He wouldn't even understand. "It bothers me, 's all."

The Master studied my face, a smirk blossoming on his lips. "Lying is another skill you should be proficient at. And don't feel bad about it. People lie all the time without thinking about your feelings for even a second. You have the right to do the same."

"That's easy to say if you're… well, you."

He poked his tongue out and winked.

"Now, since you're too fidgety to practise, let's get the next item on the list. I can get that one on my own. The planet is basically uninhabited, so I guess our hopelessly considerate Doctor won't mind me coming along." His smile was bitter. The two of them weren't getting along too well right now.

How much would it influence their relationship if my plan worked? I wasn't more than a minor detail in their lives, after all.

"Oi!" The Master snapped his fingers in front of my face. "Are you even listening?"

.

The next part on the list was surprisingly easy to get. At first I had trouble understanding why he needed it at all, since it was only some wire. Copper. Nothing extraordinary about it. But the Master explained that it had an unusual coating that made the copper resistant to the strains of time travel.

I enjoyed sitting there and listening to all the things he explained to me. He had a way of knowing how much details were necessary to get a basic understanding and also knew when to stop bragging with his seemingly infinite knowledge for the sake of not confusing me. It was still hard to wrap my head around most things and I wondered why it was so important to the Master that I understood those things.

After all… when I thought about it… It had been stupid of me to agree to this. As soon as the Vortex Manipulator would be functioning he would immediately use it to escape the TARDIS. Knowing him, he might not even stay long enough to allow me to visit the past before. He would be just gone and never return, never looking back, never waste another thought on me.

The loss of my father had made me blind. In my frenzied misery I had no longer considered whom I was dealing with. There was no reason for him not to leave me behind.

And now I was unable to stop thinking about it. The whole day of our vacation was ruined by my brooding. Sure, this was my own fault, but it was so hard to stop ruminating.

We wandered through a place that had Japanese vibes to it. Old shrines sat in corners whilst around us rose a collection of giant buildings into the sky. Donna took pictures, the Doctor chatted with some old ladies and the Master… he used the distraction to cut some wires from an old street lantern and let them vanish inside his coat pockets. He caught my look and winked, holding a finger up to his mouth.

I smiled back at him and felt as if a part inside of me was dying. It hurt, despite me knowing how he operated. I knew too well that he did things for himself, without considering others.

So maybe a little betrayal on my side wasn't so bad after all.

.

Kira sat on my desk, looking at me as if I had asked him to solve mathematical equations. I still didn't know if he understood actual words or could just discern some meaning from the tone of voice and gestures. Right now, though, he clearly had no idea what I wanted.

"The void," I repeated and took paper and pen to draw some scribbles. A black spot and a little winged thing that flew out of it. I wasn't very good at drawing with analog tools, being too used to my drawing tablet. "You came through it. Somehow."

Kira stepped on the paper and poked his nose against the crude picture, then looked up at me with a tilted head.

This wasn't working.

I sighed and leaned back in my chair, thinking. That day inside the ruined city, I had done something to open a rift into the void and Kira had used it to get to me. So the theory. Whatever it was, he was able to navigate through that dark space and he could access it when I opened it. The both of us were connected in some way, that was clear. After all, he had picked me, even while still being an egg.

I watched as the little one tried to lick the paper. He jumped on the black scribble and looked at me.

His mom had sent an image into my mind before her death. Maybe he was able to do the same.

I leant forward and stroked his head. "Let's try something, okay? I have no idea how it works and I really hope I won't hurt you…"

Kira sat on his hind legs, expectantly waiting and when I moved my head closer he seemed to understand. His nose gently poked mine and we stayed like that for a while. I tried to send an image into his little head. One of the black hole that had opened inside the city. Kira closed his eyes.

Something happened then.

At first I wasn't sure what exactly it was. The image in my mind slightly shifted. A haze washed over it, blurring the edges. And then… There was rage. Rage and pain and the desire to burn. The same things I had experienced back then, but now it felt as if those emotions weren't my own. Instead I felt concern, fear even.

"You were worried about me, huh?"

Kira shifted a little, not breaking the contact and still managing to lick my nose. My heart ached. It might not be fair to ask him to help me and if-

The air vibrated.

Perplexed, I closed my eyes to discern where this came from. It wasn't the TARDIS, her signals felt different. The temperature also seemed to stay the same. There was just… a shift. A tug at my chest. I focused on it, followed the sensation until I reached…

I gasped and shot backwards. Kira's eyes had a subtle glow to their usual purple and there was something like a faint bond of deeply black substance between our chests. It wasn't palpable, my hand couldn't touch anything. But it was there.

"Is this…" I took a deep breath and focused again. I could feel a rapid heartbeat, small and excited. I could sense my own, racing as well, although slow in comparison. Another deep breath and I let my mind travel with the air, let it run through the bond.

Darkness. It grew. A hazy orb In the middle of the dark line. It worked! It really worked!

"What the heck do you think you're doing!"

There was no time for surprise. Hands grabbed me around the middle, dragging me to the side. The Master shooed Kira from his spot and the little one flapped away with an angry squeak. The bond vanished, as did the orb of void. Why now? Couldn't he have stormed in an hour later?

The Master glared at me. This wasn't anger any longer. On his face was pure rage, only controlled by force of will. I almost expected his hands around my throat and for some moments I wasn't entirely sure that would be the worst option.

Fear.

I felt true fear, wincing when he moved. It was instinct, burned into me from so long ago. I heard another squeak from Kira and saw the Master wiping against the little one with one hand to keep him away. "You stay out of this. I'm not going to hurt her."

"Don't hurt him either," I pleaded. "Kira did nothing wrong."

"Then you tell me, right now, what the hell you wanted to accomplish by opening a rift to the void."

He towered above me, unmovable. He would not let me get out of this. But I couldn't tell him, could I?

"You've been reading up on paradoxes and now you play with a space that's outside of time. Don't play dumb, little one. I know you aren't."

This fear wasn't because of him, I realised. He didn't scare me. It was the fact that I had gone to the place where this very fear had manifested itself. The origin of it, lying buried deep within me, impossible to remove.

"I want… to make things right."

"Geez, idiot. Your dad died from a heart attack. There is nothing you can do against that!" He sounded so exasperated. How could he understand?

I took a single step away from him and picked up Kira, who was hiding under my blanket. "You alright, buddy? Better get outside, yeah." I tossed a dark glance at the Master while carrying the little one to the door. Kira stretched to lick my nose and I returned a sad smile. "Get a snack or something. I'll catch up with you." The little one turned his head towards the Master. "I'll deal with him. Don't worry."

The little dragon squeaked and left the room, leaving me alone with the fuming Time Lord. Guilt was gnawing on my insides.

"I think he gave up." It had played in my head over and over again. "He was always healthy. There is… He was way too young for that."

The Master eyed me with folded arms. "It happens anyway. Leave it be."

But I shook my head. "He had nothing, you know. No real life of his own. Just work every day and then come home to deal with… her. And she also spent all of his hard earned money on nonsense. He never got outside much, had no money for it. No vacations, no treats, no friends. Nothing. That wears a person down over time. "

"So you think he literally gave up and his body did too."

"Don't pretend you wouldn't know that's possible," I grumbled.

The Master huffed and shook his head. "So you want to do what? Send him some money?"

I looked at the Master, the man who had no qualms, who had enslaved my whole planet and done worse. But he could not imagine…

"If I go back and get rid of that woman, he can have a proper life."

Oh, that look on his face. No, he had not considered that I would actually do it. He never had. Not on that day we met, not even when we drove all the way to my hometown. And yet, he of all people had to understand hatred, contempt.

"Well… that actually might do something. Still doesn't explain your need for a paradox. There is plenty of space you could rewrite that wouldn't cause unfixable problems. Time isn't as fixed as your kind thinks, but…"

There was no way out, was there? I had to tell him. My mind couldn't come up with a lie he would believe.

"That woman…" I started, not sure how to proceed.

"You mother?"

I winced and wrapped my arms around myself. "It's hard to use that term on her. But yes. Because of her everything is… was… wrong. My whole life has been broken before it even started and that's not only because my brain's not functioning properly."

I glanced up and saw him waiting, expecting me to give him the conclusion.

"If I go back far enough," I muttered, "then I could have a proper life too. I would never end up in a place so bad that I want to…" That I would want to end my own life.

I shook my head. Would I go through with this I would probably never meet the Master, I might never learn about the wonders of the universe. I might never get bonded to him and would never learn to… hope.

It wouldn't be necessary. And I would never get tossed away and get left behind. Not again. I would not be left again.

The Master unfolded his arms and stepped closer. It was impossible to read his face. "That would erase everything you are today. This version of you would and will never exist."

"Yes," I breathed, hugging myself tighter. It was so hard to lift my head high enough to meet his eyes. "That's the point of it."