𝐬𝐢𝐱

During our darkest moments, when our hearts are heavy and solitude consumes us, it seems as if the entire world has turned its back on us. We become like wanderers in a desolate landscape, desperately seeking solace and a glimmer of comfort in the vast emptiness.

Experiencing pain is like a razor-sharp blade, cutting deep into our core and leaving lasting marks that constantly remind us of the pain we've felt. It stays within us, overshadowing our thoughts and planting seeds of doubt about our own worth. We wonder why we were left behind, why love and care seem to have slipped away from us. It's as if a chilling gust of bitterness sweeps through our existence, leaving us feeling abandoned, alone, and often overlooked.

We crave love, longing for the company of those who should be with us. But instead, we stand alone, confronting the harsh truth of our loneliness. In those instances, the world turns cold and unforgiving. It transforms into a vast realm of doubt and sadness, where hope feels far away and hard to grasp.

Finding meaning in our pain can be a real challenge, because it means we have to comprehend the emptiness that consumes us. Yet, even in the depths of our darkest moments, a glimmer of resilience resides within. It's that inner fire, the determination to push forward against all odds. Sometimes, it simply requires gathering the broken pieces of our hearts and finding the courage to face the pain head-on.

𝐎𝐂𝐓𝐎𝐁𝐄𝐑 𝟐𝟒𝐓𝐇

I stood outside, waiting for Jesse, hoping to give him a ride to school. Dad had already left, and Jesse overslept. Time was running out, and I needed to make it to school on time for practice. Growing restless, I approached the front door, shielding my eyes from the bright sun, and knocked, wondering who would answer. Somehow, I had a feeling it would be her.

And I was right.

My mom opened the door, her eyes widening briefly before she took in my appearance and cleared her throat. "Parker, what brings you here? Uh, do you... need something or...?" I wasn't buying it. Not her tone, not the way she looked at me. I cleared my throat.

"I'm taking Jesse to school. Can you please tell him to hurry up? We're running late, and I have practice," I spoke firmly, getting straight to the point, trying to be stern. It hurt to be that way, to be distant in her presence. She pursed her lips, her gaze softening as if she wanted to reach out. I stepped back and forced a nervous chuckle. "Look, I'd appreciate it if you just called him down and didn't talk to me." With that, she withdrew her hand and sighed.

"Okay," she murmured solemnly before closing the door, probably to fetch Jesse from his room and let him know that I was waiting.

When the door opened again, it was Jesse standing there this time. "I'm really sorry, man. I didn't mean to make you come all the way to the door. I know it must've been awkward," he said apologetically.

"Let's just go, Jes," I muttered, heading back to the car.

I heard his footsteps trailing behind me. "Park, I'm sorry," he continued, but I waved it off. It didn't matter, I didn't care. He didn't need to apologize. "Parker." I glanced back at him, my jaw tensing as I noticed my mom standing by one of the front windows, observing us. Jesse followed my gaze, and as he did, I had already settled into the driver's seat of the car, waiting for him to join me.

"What time does practice end today? Do you need a ride back home too?" I asked, stealing a glance at him as I started driving, my focus on the road. He remained silent; his gaze fixed on me. He seemed sympathetic, almost sad. I didn't quite understand why, but I didn't want him to feel that way. So, I said, "Look, I don't mind taking you home, okay? You're still my little brother at the end of the day. I can at least do that for you." I hoped he already knew that.

He cleared his throat, and from the corner of my eye, I saw him adjusting in his seat to get more comfortable before nodding and answering, "Practice finishes around the same time as yours, so it'll be around half past five, six o'clock?" I nodded thoughtfully, calculating what I needed to do once practice ended in the evening. I'd likely reach home around seven, leaving enough time for me to shower, eat, and get some rest.

When we arrived at school, I let Jesse go off to join his friends, while I made my way to the gym. School technically hadn't started yet, but we had early morning practice because of the game on Friday. Coach wanted to make sure we were prepared, that we were at our best. As I entered the gym, I realized I was earlier than expected. There was hardly anyone here.

I passed through the series of lockers in the locker room until I got to mine and noticed Charlie sitting on the bench, already dressed. He looked stressed, dark circles visible under his eyes and red blotches on his face as though he was too hot in this room which didn't make sense because it was actually cold in here, "You okay there, buddy?" I asked as I opened up my locker and placed my gym bag in there, unzipping it and taking out my kit.

He looked up at me and nodded, "I'm fine, Captain," He said, his voice a little shaky. I brushed it off, wondering if it was only because he was nervous or something, "I'm just tired."

Charlie was a quiet one, he barely talked other than when he would hang around the rest of the sophomore boys, mostly Jamie and Andre since they'd been friends since they were really young. Though, back then, Charlie was more confident and very out-spoken. Nobody knows when that all changed, they just knew that he was never the same as his seven-year-old self especially since he'd eventually changed his nickname to Charlie instead of Chuck. It was like all that confidence had just plummeted in one second. I couldn't guess why.

"If you need anything, I'm here to listen and help. Just say the word," I said back to him, my voice clear and sure as I continued, "Actually, if you want, I can ask Coach to go a little easier on you today? Make sure that you're well-rested and okay enough to play well on Friday? I mean, you are our best forward. We need you to be ready for the game." I wasn't even being modest; it was the truth. We went through a million different plays with other forwards and Charlie had been the one to stand out. Not only with the time that he'd play but with his speed and agility. It was impressive.

He passed me a grateful smile, and as he looked at me, his phone now discarded, he said, "Thank you, Ridley. I appreciate it, man." I nodded at him, letting my gaze linger on him as I suspected that he definitely was not feeling okay today. I let it go when I realized I had to get ready in time and get onto the court, ready for practice. At the same time, we were joined by some of the other guys. Marcus had found his way to the locker next to mine, and Jamie who had walked in with Andre lingered around Charlie.

I did find myself keeping an eye out on him throughout practice, making sure that he was good, that there weren't any falls, any unfocused moments that could disrupt his play. I didn't want to seem too overprotective or concerned but I couldn't help it.

The boys on the team always appeared so overconfident to everyone around them, sometimes even to each other but the times that they let loose and show how they're really feeling were usually times that they spent in the locker room or on the court. It's like everything just spills out when they're away from everything and focusing on the game. Never did I ever want any of them to be going through something so life changing or damaging that even playing on the court doesn't help with what they're going through.

After practice finished and school started, I made my way to my locker, switching out my books for the right ones. Marcus and Jasmine were nowhere to be found, usually they would be standing around in plain sight or with me - telling me about their day or what's been going on. I hadn't been questioning why the both of them had suddenly become a little distant, at least more than how they were before school started, but I assumed it must've been a family thing. Even at practice, Marcus had been less talkative and kept to himself - he wasn't even in homeroom either. Jasmine didn't answer any of my texts today either.

Before I could ponder about it anymore, Jesse appeared next to me, "Hey, practice was cancelled so I think I might just catch a ride home by one of the guys. That okay with you?" I nodded.

"Yeah, just as long as you text me when you're home," I muttered whilst shutting my locker. I looked up at him and squinted my eyes, "If you're going to do something reckless and stupid like pranking the Panther's football team, then no, that's not okay." I saw the look in his eyes, and I knew that I was right about the feeling that he was going to join his teammates tonight. Fortunately, the football boys aren't so subtle when talking about their plans for the night, and I'd overheard them earlier talking about it, "You're going straight home, and I'm taking you."

"So what? You're officially my personal uber now?" He asked annoyed, and I smiled at him in response.

"If it means you're home safe and I can sleep at night, I'm at your service, buddy," I joked. He only shook his head with a reciprocating smile. He then suddenly lost his light as he thought and then pursed his lips before he looked at me, "What? Do I have something on my face?" I asked, feeling around my face to see if there might've been something there.

He shook his head and then cleared his throat before he said, "You ever think about coming back?" I knew what he meant, and I could almost feel the tension in the air starting to build.

I frowned, tensing my jaw as I tried not to say anything that could jeopardize our relationship. Most of the reason why I wasn't living with them, was because of Jesse's dad, and I knew that despite how that man treated him, Jesse still loved him. And well, he loved him enough that if I said anything, he's come to his defense and leave me completely by myself. I didn't want to lose him. He's the only family I have left.

"Not unless I want to fall down a deep hole of unwanted misery and disappointment," I answered lightly, hoping to lift up both mine and his moods, but he only nodded absentmindedly and I could see him biting the inside of his cheek, like he was trying to refrain from saying anything.

When I noticed that his silence had begun to grow louder, I continued, "Look, it's just- it's a permanent thing now, okay? You need to get used to it." He only nodded before he straightened up and placed his hands in his pockets.

"Well, I'll see you after school big-bro."

After school came sooner than I expected. I was walking to the school doors, ready to leave. My headphones were in my ears blasting some song called Astronomy which had been peaceful enough to let me tune out of everything around me. Somehow that included the calling of my name by Jasmine who I hadn't noticed until she reached me and pulled my hand. I looked at her and burst into a smile, happy to see that she was wearing a smile too. I took off my headphones and said, "Hey, I didn't see you at lunch? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, just a family thing," She responded, and I nodded in understanding. I thought so. She then smiled up at me and continued, "I was thinking that maybe you could come over on the weekend? Mom and Dad have been bugging us about how it's been so long since you've been over, and they thought it'd be nice for you to join us on Sunday? I promise, it'll only be a few hours. Marcus and I want you to come."

"It's a family event, isn't it?" I smiled knowingly. Neither of them liked family parties, especially not at their own house. For the most part, the both of them hated their family and honestly, after all that I've heard about them, I understood why. So, I nodded, "Of course I'll be there, as long as you keep your Aunt Ella away from me."

Someone called her name from behind us, and Jasmine quickly dismissed herself, "No promises, 23. I'll see you later!" She then walked away to Madison who wasn't so far from us. I noticed that when I looked in her direction, Madison had smiled at me, so I smiled back and passed her a small wave in greeting. And then, with that, I continued out of the school to my car.

"How was your day, big brother?" Jesse asked, leaning off the car when I approached it.

I smiled at him, "Just as boring as always, I'm kinda glad all practices were cancelled though. It means I can just go home to my loyal wife - my bed." He cringed at my joke, and I laughed at him. I opened up the car door and got in, and Jesse did too, "Wanna eat at mine, and I'll take you home after?" I asked and he nodded. We both got settled in and I threw my backpack to the backseat before starting the car, and turning the radio most of the way down so that I could hear Jesse properly.

It took about five minutes of driving in silence before I heard him ask, "What happened?"

"What?"

He paused for a moment and then continued, "Between you and mom? Why did you even go in the first place?" He sounded so distant, so cold. His voice was low and quiet, and I glanced at him to see that he was looking down at his phone which was stuck on his lock-screen which was a picture of our family. I looked away as soon as I'd seen that picture. Jesse was always the sentimental type, he never liked to say it, but everyone could tell, he was a family kind of guy. And that lock-screen proved it.

I gulped as I kept my focus on the road, using it as an excuse to not look at him again, "I thought you already knew," I said, tensing my jaw as I straightened up in the seat. I thought that the second that Jesse got home that night, after I'd left, that mom would've told him at least the reason why. To think that they didn't, it made me wonder all the reasons why. Did he not ask them? Did he just read the room, and accepted everything that happened? Did he just not care? Or did they just not answer him when he did ask questions?

"All I know is that one day I came home, and you were already out the door with your suitcase. Now you don't talk or even want to look at Mom or Dad and they don't even ask about you or go to your games, and you only talk to me. That's it." So, he really didn't know anything. Or if he did, he sure didn't sound like he'd know enough, or much of it at all.

I pursed my lips, wondering if I should tell him and then, as I heard my heartbeats start to increase, I decided to just do it, "We had an argument," I said finally, with a small sigh. I changed the gear of the car as we slowed down so I could turn into my street comfortably and then pulled into the basement carpark of the apartment building in which I was staying.

"Okay, about what?" Jesse asked as he straightened up in his seat, moving his hand to unbuckle his seatbelt, despite the fact that I hadn't even parked up yet.

I pulled into the first free spot that I could find and then turned off the car, not making a move to unbuckle my seatbelt. Instead, I turned to him and said, "Dad."

He furrowed his eyebrows and then asked, "What did Dad do?"

"He isn't my dad, he's yours."

Jesse scoffed, "You get in one big argument with him, and you what? You can't even say he's your dad?" He shook his head and then leaned back into his seat, "That's stupid." I sighed, unsure whether or not I should stop being so vague and tell him the whole truth, just let it out so it's over and done with, so that I'm not the only person - other than Evelyn - that knows. I couldn't bare it alone, especially now that I couldn't talk about it even to Evelyn now that we're not even together anymore.

I shook my head at him and muttered nervously, "No, you're not getting it. He's not my dad, he's just yours." I watched as his eyes widened and he froze, taking it in. He seemed to have been doing a better job at it than me though, because his eyes finally met mine and he leaned forward again, this time in curiosity.

"Then who's your dad?"

I unbuckled my seatbelt and leaned back to reach for my backpack in the backseat as I spoke nonchalantly, "That's the thing, I don't know. Mom won't tell me anything about him." Once I got my bag, I gestured for Jesse to leave the car as I did the same. Once I locked it and began walked toward the elevator, Jesse rejoined me by my side.

He asked, "Is that why you argued?" and I could tell that he could see the pieces falling together, that everything he didn't know about that night was just unravelling in the imaginations of his mind. When he asked that question though, it was inevitable that the scenes of that night would come back to me, and I'd get stuck in this loop of hurt. It was unfortunate that I could almost feel the feelings come back to me, the same ones I'd felt back then.

I bluntly said, "Dad called me a bastard," And I didn't look at Jesse to see his reaction because I was scared to see what he would think or say, "That's how I found out." I continued. I pressed onto the elevator button again, even though I'd done it at first. I just wished it would come sooner so that we could just get in, get to my apartment, and call it a day.

"He did what?" Jesse blurted out, and I looked at him as he tensed his jaw in anger, "What a dick."

"Jesse, he's your dad." I reminded him, hitting his shoulder with the back of my hand. Regardless how he treated me, treating him the same was not necessary. Especially since it definitely didn't align with my values. I believed that I should never have to stoop down to that level, that I'd always be respectful, kind, calm and calculated as much as humanly possible. That's not to say that I'd never not been those things before. I've only just learnt, I guess in this past year, that it was the way that I should strive to be.

"He sure doesn't act like one," Jesse mumbled, staring at the elevator doors as they opened, "He always hated you when we were kids, and now we know why, but he always treated me like I was his client and not his son. I like the guy but only because he's part of the reason why I'm alive right now." The both of us walked in and I quickly pressed onto my floor number before looking at him and continuing our conversation.

"He just wants what's best for you," I said, "That's why he pushes you so hard." It was true, at least, that's what I always saw and thought. Despite the times that he'd be cruel and harsh to Jesse, so much so that I could swear that I had gotten so close to snapping at him, I did always see the slight joy in his face when Jesse would score a touchdown in his games or with anything that put him in the spotlight in a good way.

"No, he wants to impress his friends and boast about how his son is destined to play for the NFL," He said back with raised eyebrows, and then he paused before looking at me apologetically, "I'm sorry... about him, and about mom."

I only replied with a small, "It's okay," because I didn't know what else to say. I never wanted him to ever be in this position, where he'd be torn between us, between mom, dad, and me. It wasn't ideal, but then again, it wasn't ideal for me either. Sometimes I'd forget that I'm still a kid too, maybe not a young one but I still needed my family more than I ever did before.

"Would you mind if I stayed over on the weekends? I miss you sometimes, and I don't think I can stand being in that house all the time."

I shook my head, "No, of course I don't mind, you can stay anytime... unless your room is still a pigsty because there ain't no way in hell I'm rooming with a slob, even if it is just for the weekends," I said and he laughed in response, "Just make sure you tell mom where you're going so she doesn't worry."

He smiled, "I will," and then continued to say, "You know, I can tell she misses you a lot. Maybe she regrets it, you know? I mean, even if you're not dad's son, you are hers." Regardless of that fact, she still didn't do anything to strongly stand beside it. During everything that happened, she didn't even try to reach out or support me and honestly I didn't even expect her to, but I hoped that she would. And then when she did eventually do that, it was too late. The damage was already done.

"I miss her too," I sighed. It was true, I couldn't lie. I was raised and loved by her all these years, she was the only adult I believed, other than my aunts, that truly loved me I think. I just wish that I'd get her back, but the part of her that would do anything for her sons, not the part of her that wants to protect her relationship with Dad and their reputation. I continued when I noticed Jesse studying me, "I just can't see her right now. I need a little more time."

He nodded and I was glad to see that he'd move on from the topic of her, because immediately he asked, "Any idea on who your dad might be? I mean, it has to be someone from Tree Hill, especially since mom had you when she was like fifteen. Maybe it's someone who graduated from here," He seemed a little more upbeat, and dare I say it - excited.

I shook my head at him, "I don't know how you've moved on from me being your half-brother so quickly, but I am still in shock here."

"Get over it," He said, raising his eyebrows at me with a small comforting smile, "The next step is to find out if your dad is still here. At least then, if you find him, you'll have a father figure who'll actually love and accept you for who you are, the way that Ryan should have." When he said Dad's - his Dad's - name, I frowned. I pondered the use of his name if I should just call him Ryan instead of Dad, but that adjustment proved to be hard for me. I'd been so used to referring him as Dad, or my Dad, that I didn't fathom ever calling him anything else - at least not comfortably.

"It wasn't his fault, I wasn't his responsibility to love or raise," I defended. I don't like him, because he never treated me right, because he looked at me like I was dirt, but I saw that well, technically, he didn't have to love or raise me at all because I wasn't really his, "He just met mom at the wrong time, while she was still pregnant with me."

Jesse shook his head, "I don't know, man. But what I do know is, if any girl I'm in love with had a child that wasn't mine, I would raise him as if he were my own," He gave me a pointed look as if to ask me not to defend Dad to him, "Dad's just an asshole, he never had a good enough heart for the both of us." He was right. The man never even hugged either of us since we were born, not once. If anything, he'd only ever gave Jesse a pat on the back for every game he'd win.

"We'll find my real dad. Maybe he'll like us," I proposed, "Or he'll be married, already have kids of his own, and wouldn't want anything to have to do with us or our family." It was a realistic factor that I figured we both should take in consideration. It had been years, seventeen years since mom had me. This man, whoever he was, could be married already and if he's happy with his life, maybe a bastard son could destroy that for him.

"Then at least we'll have each other," Jesse muttered lightheartedly, and then suddenly dropped the subject completely, switching to another, "So, while we were discussing your urm, your daddy issues — I was thinking that maybe I could stay the night so — I already asked mom on the way here if I could, and she said yes."

"You're sleeping on the couch."

"Wow, you find out I'm only half your brother and suddenly you've downgraded my privileges? That's cold, man."

Hey, I am currently rewriting this story but not on this platform.

If you're still interested, find me on Wattpad under the same username of scxtts. I update nearly every Wednesday.

Or, if you'd much rather me update the new version on here. Please comment or leave a review!

And I will surely consider it, and update as much as I can.

Much love,

Hunter.