"Okay, pizza is on the way, I ordered a dozen, because some of us are big eaters and they only deliver for large orders after sunset around here," Willow said as the girls started stripping down to their underwear, much to Kendra's surprise. "If you want a root beer float, ice cream's in the freezer."
"Quite a lot of it," Cordelia said dryly, but was unable to hold back a grin.
Willow's clothes vanished and she was briefly naked before a matching bra and panty set appeared on her. "Okay, I believe I promised you some answers," she told Kendra.
"Yes," Kendra agreed, very confused, "and I have even more now."
"Ask away and I'll do my best to answer them," Willow told her, absently making a couple of root beer floats with telekinesis, while Dawn showed off her own skills making them for a delighted Harmony.
"It is hard to know where to begin," Kendra said, thinking about it for a moment. "What is the thing you did not wish to talk about outside?"
"There were four members of the Scourge of Europe," Willow said, ignoring Harmony's comment that it sounded like a killer band name, "Darla has been staked, and both Spike and Drusilla have had magical sigils placed on them that will vanish them from the earth in two days."
"That is wonderful!" Kendra exclaimed.
"Yeah, Xander managed to stamp both of them and a dozen of their minions, but we don't want them to know what it means till it's too late," Willow said as their floats floated in and Kendra cautiously took hers.
"And Angelus?" Kendra asked.
"Pissed off the Romani," Willow said, grinning as Kendra winced. "Yeah, they summoned his body's original soul and placed it in charge. Angel, as he now goes by, tends to mope a lot, but he patrols with us and kills vampires."
"Angel?" Kendra said with a frown before her eyes widened. "The Slayer is dating a vampire?!"
Willow grinned. "Was dating a vampire," the redhead said cheerfully. "I'm pretty sure Xander will seduce her into the harem before too long."
"Harem?" Kendra asked. "Who is this Xander and how do you know he's not an incubus?"
"Because we grew up together," Willow told her. "A chaos mage cast a spell on everyone, turning them into their costumes on Halloween and Xander had dressed as a more powerful version of himself, which seems to have stuck."
"And now everyone who sleeps with him gains powers," Cordelia added.
"Actually he gave us a nasty smelling potion that gave us our powers, except for Cordelia who got a nice one," Willow said.
"But sex with Xander does give you powers as Willow found out," Dawn teased.
"I can see why you would form a harem," Kendra decided, having seen what at least two of them were capable of.
"Oh no, we're not forming a harem for power," Willow said, "we just love him and aren't taking the chance on him getting away."
"Little chance of that," Cordelia said, "he puts up with you killing girls that try to date him."
"Once again, life sucking Aztec mummy," Willow reminded her.
"Miss French," Cordelia reminded her with a smirk.
"Our substitute science teacher?" Harmony asked.
"Xander went over to her place for some tutoring and she vanished," Cordelia said. "Not really a big surprise there."
Willow groaned. "Buffy killed her and not because she was going after Xander. Miss French turned out to be a giant praying mantis demon in disguise. Giles said she was a rare form of succubus."
"So she was a monster," Kendra said with relief.
"Stronger and faster than a Slayer," Willow agreed. "I made a tape of bat noises and blasted her with their ultrasonic screams so Buffy could take her out."
"Meh, still offing girls who go after Xander," Cordelia said with a grin.
Willow rolled her eyes. "Fine, I promise not to kill any girls who go after Xander unless they are monsters. Happy?"
"Ahem," Dawn said.
"Or goddesses," Willow added.
"Do you mean will kill goddesses or won't?" Harmony asked.
"Won't," Willow replied.
"Good," Harmony said happily.
"Is there something you need to tell us?" Cordelia asked curiously.
"No, but I read a book where demi-gods did poorly in school because they had dyslexia since English wasn't Ancient Greek, so..." Harmony shrugged.
"Just because you have dyslexia doesn't mean you're a demi-god," Willow told the blonde.
"Oh, I don't have dyslexia," Harmony assured her, "I just find most of what they teach us too boring to pay attention to."
Willow was just about to ask why Harmony had brought up the subject then, but Cordelia just gave her a look and shook her head.
*ring*ring*
"I'll get it," Willow said, getting up, her clothes appearing on her as she walked to the door.
"Should have answered in her underwear, you can sometimes get a discount that way," Harmony said as Willow collected a large stack of pizzas.
"She's got the looks and attitude to pull it off now," Cordelia agreed.
Willow returned with the pizza and started passing them out. "Food's here."
Kendra opened her pizza box and her nostrils flared. The pizza died a quick death and Willow passed her a second one.
"Basically we're supposed to lay low until Monday morning when we'll report to Giles and cover for Buffy and Xander's absence during the week," Willow told Kendra, who was now eating at a more reasonable pace, "You're welcome to stay here while we wait for Giles."
"How often do you go out hunting vampires?" Harmony asked.
"We never really stop," Willow admitted. "Sure we may take a night off if there's something else going on, but most nights you can find us walking through the graveyards trying to look tasty."
"How did you survive?" Kendra asked in disbelief.
"Having a Slayer around certainly helps," Willow told her, "but it also helps that I'm not a Slayer, they always look so shocked when I suddenly jam a stake in their hearts while looking all terrified."
Kendra grinned.
"I didn't know you were that good an actress," Harmony said, surprised.
"I'm not," Willow said with a shrug, "I'm completely terrified while doing it."
Cordelia narrowed her eyes and looked at Willow before smirking. "You see them as a threat to Xander."
"Yep," Willow agreed and grabbed a piece of pizza.
"So... as long as I'm not trying to hurt Xander I'm safe?" Harmony asked Cordelia just to be sure.
"Completely," Cordelia replied.
"Are spankings okay?" Harmony asked. "Cause I've got this fantasy where I'm bent over the desk and he's wearing a catholic school girl uniform-"
"He's wearing the schoolgirl uniform?" Dawn interrupted.
"Totally," Harmony said. "Why should it always be us wearing them? You gotta be fair, right?"
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
"I love Wardrobe and Telekinesis and you," Buffy said as they stood naked in the middle of the road watching the sun set, sweat drying on them.
"In that order?" Xander teased.
"Not sure, ask me again in a week or two," she teased back.
They enjoyed the quiet and swung their joined hands as they walked.
"Man, I am glad the whole zombie thing only affected humans," Xander said.
"Yeah, getting swarmed by animals would suck," Buffy agreed.
"Not to mention all the small little animals out here like chipmunks. Imagine dying and knowing you'd be remembered as the guy taken out by chipmunks," Xander said.
"That would really suck," Buffy agreed with a giggle.
"We need a bath," Xander decided, "and to talk to Amelia about the contract."
"Could do both at the same time," Buffy said. "I really want to try out the whole Greek bath thing you have set up."
"It's more Japanese, they make it look like rough stone and a natural hot springs as opposed to smooth marble or granite," he explained.
"Either way I think we need a nice relaxing soak as we talk to her," she told him.
"Find a nice smooth section of rock and we can open a door," Xander said.
Buffy looked around the heavily wooded area the road cut through at the moment, a bit bare of stone or at least flat vertical pieces.
"I guess we could fly up and find something," she offered, enjoying the walk too much to bother.
"There's bound to be a tunnel somewhere where the road cuts through part of the mountain," Xander replied.
"We should have brought a large flat piece of metal," Buffy said, "we could have leaned it against a tree and bam instant door."
"We could have stored it in inventory," Xander realized.
"I was thinking of using it as a flying carpet, just for the fun of it, but yeah, next time we find something appropriate we'll store it," she said as they rounded a curve and discovered a tunnel cut into the mountain.
"Didn't expect to find one that fast," Xander said as they continued.
"So... What power did you give me? All Speak sounded awesome."
"Broken Limiter," Xander replied. "I'll earmark All Speak for the next one, but a perk that lets you keep getting better at everything is best gotten as early as possible."
"That is a very good point," Buffy said with a smile.
They entered the tunnel and Xander turned to the wall and opened the door to find the group they'd rescued sitting on the sofa laughing as the end credits of Terminator played.
Coke turned to Nate and did an obvious Nicholas Cage impression saying, "Like, I'll be back in a minute, bro."
The entire group fell to laughing so hard they could barely breathe.
Buffy and Xander exchanged glances.
"Must have been a really funny version of Terminator," she guessed.
Xander called his phone to his hand and sent a message to Amelia, "Must be," he agreed. "Let's go wash up."
The pair went upstairs, leaving the laughing group on the sofa and quickly scrubbed up, rinsing off all the sweat and dirt they'd accumulated before rinsing off and then sinking into the hot water with matching sighs.
"Oh yeah," Buffy said, "if you'd had this when I first got to Sunnydale I'd have married you on the spot."
"I'd argue, but I'd marry me for this too," Xander agreed.
The pair heard someone washing up and were shortly joined by Amelia.
"This is wonderful," she said. "I would suggest we have more meetings here when we have the time."
"Evening Amelia," Xander said, "I have some questions about the contract we're on and what they'd really prefer."
"The contract is very straightforward," Amelia replied. "It's a modest contract for modest effort."
"I know," Xander agreed, "but I think what they really want is for us to collect information and spend more time in universe so they can get a lock on it. I'm assuming most contractors are rather dim and profit driven, so they wrote out the contract the way they did to appeal to them."
Amelia held up her phone and started tapping away. "That... is most probably correct. I see they have a minor sub-clause where the inventory space makes copies of all the data that is even briefly stored in it."
"So as long as we place things in inventory for a couple of seconds they'll get their data without us needing to keep everything?" Buffy asked.
"Correct, I'd overlooked it as it was made to look like a security precaution to ensure an agent wasn't collecting and offloading gold for his personal use," she explained.
"Contact them and see if they'd like to modify the contract so that we are required to spend at least twenty hours a day in universe, skip gold collection, and instead hit libraries and such," Xander said.
"Doing so now," Amelia replied, tapping away. "And sent," she said, vanishing her phone and relaxing. "We should get a response shortly."
The sound of someone washing up could be heard and they were shortly joined by Terminator Barbie. "The house is clean, master," she reported as she sunk into the bath with a friendly smile on her face.
"Good evening, Barbie," Xander greeted her. "Just call me Xander."
"Will do," she agreed.
"I've never met a Terminator or a living Barbie before," he said, "so tell me about yourself."
"Well, I'm a T-850 model with a Barbie template at Tier Four," Barbie said, "which was probably done for the added control."
"I thought they used spells to keep the Terminators safe," Xander said, causing both Barbie and Amelia to burst out laughing like he'd told the world's funniest joke.
"Okay, we're definitely missing something here," Buffy said.
"I'll explain," Amelia said as she caught her breath. "The second Corporate War was planned and fought by the Barbies, who were very popular waifus at the time, because management was corrupt and abusing the agents."
"So... why aren't they even more popular now then?" Xander asked. "I mean, going to war because your husbando was being mistreated seems like a desirable trait."
Barbie shot him a beaming smile for that comment.
"They're still popular, just considered someone to be cautious of," Amelia explained. "They are beautiful, hyper competent women, who want their men to be happy and successful. They are quite adept at social manipulation and are a major power block in the company."
"Not seeing the downside," Xander said.
"They seem like something every agent should have," Buffy agreed.
"They often end up in positions of power within harems because of their competence and genuine desire to see everyone be happy and buying a Barbie is taken as a statement of intent, that you plan on moving up in the company," Amelia explained.
"So are you in my harem or a possession or an employee?" Xander asked.
"I'm a Terminator with a Barbie template bought for the stated purpose of housekeeping," Barbie told him, "I fall under the possession category at the moment."
"You are definitely a person and not just a thing," Xander told her. "I've just recently been informed that Barbies are an excellent addition to any harem. Would you like to move from housekeeping to harem?"
"I think I would," Barbie said.
Xander handed her the stamp.
"Speaking of stamps... how many points was I worth?" Buffy asked eagerly.
"Twenty five," Amelia replied, not even having to check, "as an experienced Slayer you are Tier Five."
"More than Willow, but less than Dawn," Buffy said. "Still, not a bad score."
"You often rise to Tier Six and temporarily hit Seven at some points," Amelia offered, "but early on you start at Tier Four rising to Tier Five rapidly."
"Thank you," Barbie said, passing the stamp back to Xander, "I'll try and be a good waifu to you."
"Just try and be open about when you are manipulating us and why," Xander requested, "cause none of us are good at the whole social thing."
"I'll do my best," Barbie promised.
"What tier is she?" Buffy asked.
"Tier Five," Amelia replied, "which is roughly equal to most unaugmented Barbie's."
"And you don't get points for me because I was purchased from the company," Barbie added.
"Your current total after the contract is completed will be fourteen points owed," Amelia offered.
"One more minor contract and you're golden," Buffy told Xander with a smile.
There was a ding sound from the air and Amelia called her company phone to hand. "Oh, apparently I should have listed Xander as a member of the harem as well as an agent because that affects how the contracts are listed. It seems a number of Agents have used his name, or variations of it, before, so they were unaware it actually was Xander Harris as an Agent. They are willing to offer five additional points if you concentrate on collecting books and records, which can be returned immediately after transferring them to inventory and the additional time spent on site will count towards a goal of eighty total hours to complete the contract."
"Hit accept," Xander said.
"I believe they are cheating you by not counting the hours you have already logged today," Amelia noted with a frown.
"Or they may already have factored it in," Xander replied with a shrug. "Doesn't matter as I'm planning to use that extra time to collect even more resources."
"As is we'll probably complete the contract in about four days rather than the six we were looking at," Buffy said.
"That is a good point," Amelia admitted.
"I have no problem at all letting someone think they are getting one over on me while lining my pockets," Xander told her.
"We should have grabbed some motorcycles," Buffy suddenly said as she considered what they were going to do when they went 'top side'. "No, wait, we have quad runners. Those should be fun to ride."
"We are hitting a Harley dealership," Xander said, face lighting up. "I've always wanted my own Harley."
"What contract should I look for next?" Amelia asked. "You'll only owe nine points at the completion of this one, so another similar contract might be a wise choice."
"I'd quite like to rescue some superheroes," Xander replied. "Make sure it's a world where zombies didn't keep any powers they got from killing superhumans though. From what I've read, those are too dangerous for us to handle."
"I'll see what I can find," she promised, "but Acquisitions usually snatches up those contracts when they can."
"I'm not looking for big names and massive powers," Xander said, "I'll happily grab them from worlds that are further down on the power pole."
Amelia nodded. "Lesser known heroes of modest power, I'll see to it."
Buffy frowned. "We're having a bit of a problem making decent travel time. How are we planning moving around places like New York where it'll be wall to wall zombies? Heroes usually gravitate to the big cities, not small towns."
"I was thinking of grabbing a small blimp and piloting skills," Xander replied. "The skies should be clear and people can signal us from rooftops or on the radio."
"You can do that?" Buffy asked, surprised.
"I gave us all superpowers," Xander said, "what made you think this was out of the question?"
"The fact that I wrecked two cars in one day and you didn't seem upset enough to find a driving perk," she replied. "I just figured if you could do something like that you'd have done it after the first wreck, much less the second one."
"I hadn't even thought about it," Xander admitted, "but then these things are always obvious in hindsight. I just figured you were having fun and it's not like we paid for the vehicles or got hurt."
Buffy leaned over and kissed him. "Thank you for thinking of me, but please buy some driving skills before I kill us both."
"Yes dear," Xander said with a grin, summoning his phone to his hand.
"I'm a licensed driving instructor," Barbie pointed out.
"I crashed the second vehicle we picked up into the burning wreck of the first one less than half an hour later while it was still on fire," Buffy said dryly.
Barbie slowly nodded. "I may not actually have the qualifications needed to train you." She turned to Xander. "Look for an all around skill pack that covers multiple modes of transportation, it's cheaper in the long run."
"Way ahead of you," Xander replied as he scrolled through the perks.
Typing By: Abyssal Angel
Beta By: Abyssal Angel and Mist of Shadows
TN: For some reason that talk of a bath made me really want to get a hot tub…