Don't mind me, just over here writing a bunch of angst while simultaneously being incredibly giddy over your too-kind reviews. You all are the loveliest!
Carlisle's POV
We made it out to the car with only a couple of curious looks from hospital staff. I knew my expression was grave, and would have prevented any of them from coming to inquire about what was going on. It was at moments such as these that I was grateful for the natural human tendency to feel wary around us. Without knowing why, the thought of intercepting me as I left with Bella would have been borderline frightening to my colleagues.
I opened the passenger door for Bella and she settled into the front seat, her head automatically nodding back against the headrest as her eyes fluttered shut once more. I set her bag down by her feet. Making my way to the driver's side door at a human pace, I began to map out my thoughts, trying to decide the best way to approach the difficult topics that lay ahead. Even if she wasn't in a state to have a discussion right now, I had promised to give her answers eventually. And I hoped that in doing so, in being as forthright as possible, that she would answer some of my own questions as well.
Once the car had hummed to life and the hushed sounds of the local public radio station filled the silence, Bella mumbled, "Not to your house, Carlisle. Not to your house."
My hands sat on the steering wheel, poised to back out of the parking spot. I could not bring myself to turn and look at her, fearful that the grief in my eyes would be too obvious.
"Of course, Bella. I promised you I would keep your secret. I will just go for a drive while you rest your eyes." She murmured in agreement and fell asleep almost immediately.
Leaving the hospital's parking lot, I headed towards the coast. It was the opposite direction of our home near the Willamette National Forest. As I drove I reflected back on her request for a new ID. I don't know what I had expected her to ask of me when she joined me in my office, but it certainly wasn't that. Money perhaps. Or medication of some sort. But a passport with a name other than her own? A means to disappear? She was obviously in more trouble than I had feared. Add to that the bruises I had seen and her reaction when I suggested driving her home and I was convinced that she was in danger.
But in order to regain her trust and help her out of her current situation I needed to begin by repairing the fissure that had split open between her and my family. Or at the very least between her and I. And the first step towards doing that would necessitate discovering the truth about what Edward told her before we left. I needed to know what kind of damage was done before I could work to restore things. If my hunch was correct, and Bella's departure from Forks and her current substance abuse were linked to our own disappearance, then I could not hope to help her heal without first reconciling the root cause. I expected her to sleep for at least a few hours. It would be more than enough time for me to reflect on the best course of action.
Bella's POV
The first thing I realized when I woke up was that I was moving. And fast. Usually when I woke up in this state I was either in Will's bed or on the couch. At a standstill. But now, without even opening my eyes, I could tell I was in a car. And one that was moving much quicker than the speed limit probably allowed. A gnawing panic began to work its way through my gut. My eyes shot open and I moved to sit up straighter, but the sudden movement caused the seatbelt to lock and I was held back under the strap. The feeling of being trapped both annoyed me and filled me with terror. My hands clasped around the strap at my chest and yanked.
"Easy, Bella. You are safe." The soothing voice managed to break through my internal rush of fear and confusion. A cool, pale hand reached over and loosened my fingers' grip on the seatbelt. Carlisle.
"Pull over, please." I hated how my voice came out sounding hoarse, brittle.
Nevertheless, within seconds he had brought the car to a smooth stop on the side of the road. I fumbled with the seatbelt until the familiar click resounded through the car's interior, and shoving open the door I tumbled out onto the narrow shoulder. A wave of nausea rolled through me and I heard myself dry heave into the ferns that lined the road on both sides. I tried to remember if I had eaten anything that day.
The sound of shoes on gravel added to the noise of my own misery, but I couldn't bring myself to look up and see him standing there. Even though I had been trying to keep up an unconcerned front, deep down I was still mortified that Carlisle was seeing me like this.
"It's going to be alright Bella, I'm right here. Try and take a deep breath."
I hated this. I had always hated it, this vicious cycle that had come to rhythm my life over the last few months. Every once in a while the side effects would be bad enough that I would tell myself "never again". I would catch a glimpse of another life. A passing thought of college, a good job, life in a new city. Going from one mundane day to the next. But then Will would drag me back in. Or more often than not I would return on my own, having found no other solution so efficient at holding together the unraveling in my chest. Trying it once had turned into twice. Three times. A fourth time. Then it was almost daily. The tiny white pills blocked out thoughts of him. They erased my fears of Victoria. And then eventually it began to feel as though there was no turning back. I suppose I had found my own version of a distraction.
But now there was something else to consider. I would be a fool to ignore the fact that Carlisle's reappearance in my life could be the extra boost I needed to start fresh. At the very least, the new ID and maybe a bit of money would be enough to get me out of Eugene. I could create a new, anonymous life for myself somewhere else. Even though another part of my brain simply wanted to dive back into life with the Cullens. Take the risk, make myself vulnerable to them once more. But the outcome of that was far too unknown. At least the tiny white pills were predictable.
My stomach finally calmed down and I sat down, my back pressed up against the side of the car.
"Where are we?" I asked, finally acknowledging Carlisle's presence.
"Near Mapleton," he answered, a slight frown twinging at the corner of his mouth.
I had a vague idea of that being about an hour west of Eugene, though I had never left the city limits since my arrival. It felt surreal to be sitting here in the middle of nowhere, in the company of somebody I once trusted with my life. Somebody I believed I would never see again. My thoughts were still a bit foggy as I tried to decide what to do next.
"Would you like me to head back towards Eugene?" Asked Carlisle, his voice tentative.
Did I want to go back? I suppose I didn't really have another choice. I certainly wasn't going to go to their house. I just needed my new ID and then I would be able to leave. I didn't have too many belongings with me, but what I did have was still back at Will's. Perhaps I could just sneak back in, finish out the night on the couch, and meet Carlisle the next morning to retrieve what I needed. The only problem was that the three pills I took back at the hospital were supposed to have been enough to get me through the night and well into tomorrow. And I knew if I didn't take something soon I would most likely be visibly ill by morning. Will would suspect something. Though I suppose I did know where he typically kept things at home, it wouldn't be hard to sneak one more to get me through until the next day.
Carlisle waited patiently as my mind stumbled through the possible next steps. No easy options stood out to me. But either way I would need to go back to Will's. You could say it was for my belongings or for a fix, I tried to convince myself it was more for the first reason.
"Yeah. Um, you can just drop me off near Jefferson Park," I finally answered. He stared at me without responding, as though expecting me to say more. When I didn't he gave a sad smile and nodded.
He held out his hand to pull me up, but I pushed myself up and slid back into the car. Before I realized what I was doing I inhaled deeply, taking in the familiar scent for the first time since our drive began. The delicate smell wrapped its way around my heart and clinched. It was an uncomfortably physical reaction. Confusing, too. A nostalgic ache that both tempted and terrified me. I internally scolded myself, shutting down any feelings of longing for an unattainable past.
The driver's side door opened and closed in the fraction of a second and it dawned on me that Carlisle had gotten back into the car at vampire speed. A rare display of his otherworldliness. He had always been the one who maintained the human charade most thoroughly. He turned the ignition and the car's headlights lit up the dark forest ahead of us. An involuntary shiver ran through me.
"So," he began, "I promised you answers."
Answers? A vague memory from earlier in the evening played at the edges of my thoughts.
He must have seen the confusion on my face because he added, "I told you I would honestly answer any questions you asked of me in exchange for allowing me to take you for a drive and keep an eye on you. If I drive the speed limit it will take a little over an hour to get back. That leaves time for more than a few answers on my part."
You would have to leave with us. Leave with us. Leave with us. Ah.
"What time is it?" I sputtered out.
He turned and looked at me with a surprised expression. He had no doubt been expecting a very different kind of question. "Nearly midnight".
I simply "hmm"ed in response.
You would have to leave with us. Leave with us. Leave with us.
Did I just go for it again? Ask why they left? The details from our brief exchange in his office were coming back to me and it rankled me how he had avoided answering my question. It made me feel foolish for having even asked. Though I suppose I had kind of taken him off guard. Maybe even vampires sometimes needed a minute to compose their thoughts.
Or, the more cynical part of my mind echoed, maybe he just wanted to avoid the subject until he could get rid of me again.
But, I countered back, why would he have watched out for you these last few hours if he wanted to get away? He could have just walked me back to the lobby and said he had to get to work.
My pessimistic brain jumped back in, reminding me that he just said it himself, he only did this drive to keep an eye on me. He's a doctor that watched me take enough medication to knock most people out. Of course he was going to stay nearby and make sure I didn't die or something. Keep his conscience clean.
Leave with us. Leave with us. Leave with us.
My mind's back and forth was making me nauseous again. I needed to focus on an easy question.
"You really haven't told anyone about me?"
In the faint light from the dashboard I could see his expression turn sober.
"No. I have not told anyone about seeing you." He hesitated, glancing at me out of the corner of his amber eyes. "Jasper suspects something is wrong, but he has no way of knowing what's causing this particular emotional landscape".
So Jasper was back at home, that would mean Alice was, too. I stored that information away for later.
"Good." I did my best to keep my own expression neutral, while inside my stomach was twisting in knots. Whether from the casual mention of their names or from the oxycontin still working its way through my system. Either was possible.
I felt restless sitting in the car, trying to decide what to ask next. Part of me almost wished he would actually drive at vampire speed in order to bring me back sooner. I needed another easy question.
"Why Eugene?"
Carlisle shifted slightly in his seat. "To be honest, I didn't expect us to be away from Forks for very long. So I saw no reason in traveling too far."
My carefully-maintained calm, cool, and collected exterior crumbled. The anxiety-induced irritation broke free as I heard myself snap back, "What is that supposed to mean? You didn't expect to be away very long?"
Without taking his eyes off the road he answered my question with one of his own, "What did Edward say to you when we left, Bella?" The sound of his voice was quiet and tinged with remorse, while I was very quickly losing all control over my reactions.
"You promised me you'd answer, Carlisle." I muttered through gritted teeth.
"You're right, excuse me." He looked in my direction again, holding my gaze with his own apologetic one. "One of the reasons I agreed to leave when Edward asked it of me was because I believed him incapable of staying away for long. I thought we would return to our home in Forks within weeks."
I was trying so hard to make sense of his words, but nothing seemed to correlate with what I had known to be true. Why would Edward have returned a few weeks later when he clearly told me he didn't want me to go with him? And knowing what I know now it's not like going with them wasn't an option. Carlisle had had the necessary documents all along. Who was I supposed to believe now, Carlisle or Edward? I was feeling more and more disoriented the more I tried to understand what he was saying. So much for an easy question.
My head began to shake back and forth, I could feel my lips twist into a grimace. Before I realized what I was doing I released a stream of words, unconsciously answering the question he had asked me seconds before. "Why would you have returned? He said that your family had to leave. He said that you could no longer pass for the age you claimed to be and that I couldn't go with you guys, that where you were going was not the right place for me." I could hear the volume of my voice rise, could hear how I was becoming almost hysterical. Anger and confusion intermingling as I argued against what he was trying to say to me.
"He said he wasn't good for me, Carlisle, that your world was not for me. He told me he didn't want me to go with him." Didn't want me. Didn't want me. Didn't want me.