"Did YOU ever try it, Link?" Sana asked. She was pointing at the main feature of the clearing, the low stone slab with the reproduction of the legendary Master Sword sticking out of it.
Link snorted, crouched to come down to her level and smirked at her. "No, and neither should you! Look, there's a VELVET ROPE. Pretty sure that means if you put ONE foot past it the King himself, under his true form of a giant... bug or something, comes out of nowhere to yell at you. Or BUZZ at you. Something like that. TERRIFYING stuff. And it'd be right away, too, look at the carriages behind us!"
Sana and the other kids laughed. The carriages in the waiting area behind them were indeed posh enough to pass as royal if you were silly enough to think royals would be here among common folks, and it was a delight that these posh carriages full of obviously rich people were BEHIND them. The kids - and Link as well if he was being honest - were all tickled pink that the rich folks had to wait their turn to come into the Master Sword Clearing of the Heroes Museum because their group, a bunch of normal kids from a totally ordinary school, was there first.
"So then, who's first?" Link asked with a wink, smoothly coming out of his crouch and standing a couple of heads taller than the rest of them again. It's not that he was tall, he was actually kind of short, but at 14, he was still taller than a bunch of six and seven year old kids.
One of the boys, Kilto, immediately ran under the rope, needing no other blessing than Link, one of the cool big kids at school and the class's babysitter for the day, implying it was okay. Link had to hold back a laugh when Kilto looked around nervously, apparently trying to make sure nothing was coming to yell or buzz at him.
The laugh died in Link's throat when a roar resounded through the clearing, loud enough to make his very bones vibrate. He looked around frantically, trying to find the source.
Kilto and the other kids were frozen in place, casting panicked looks around. People in armor clanged out of some of the rich carriages, confirming that the people who owned said carriages were indeed ridiculously loaded. Link could not see what had produced the impossibly loud roar, but he could hear thunderous foot steps and could feel the ground shaking with each of those steps.
"The trees!" he yelled to the kids. "UP! QUICK! CLIMB!"
The kids were good listeners: they scrambled up the trees like champs. Even Kilto ran to the closest oak and clambered up without a second glance at the display sword he'd been about to try and pull out for a laugh.
Link was halfway up some kind of evergreen himself when the creature who'd roared appeared in the clearing. Its shape was indescribable: a mess of limbs, claws and teeth that made no sense at all. It was mostly black, but a black dirty with dried mud, dirt and blood. Worst of all, the impossible creature was as big as some of the trees the kids had climbed in, and it was painfully obvious that nobody was safe up in the branches.
As if to confirm, the creature batted a tree down that had been in its way. The tree, big enough to climb but thankfully not one of the ones the kids had picked to go hide in, broke with a resounding crack and fell into another one, causing a second crack and a haunting creaking sound as the second tree broke partway but held its ground as it groaned under the weight of the first one.
The guards from the carriages, useless bunch of ass lickers to the rich that they were, were turned in the monster's direction but were too busy shaking in fear to actually engage it. The thing advanced and made a sniffing sound, from wherever its nose or noses were, and turned towards one of the trees that did have kids in it.
Link jumped down and dove for the display sword, hoping that if he yanked hard enough, the mechanism locking it in place would break and hoping further that it was at least solid enough to hit the monster with. He knew it wouldn't be sharp, why in the world would a museum exhibit use a sharp prop, but if it was at least a blunt object. He might be able to hit the monster and luck into a tender spot.
Much to his surprise, he pulled the display sword out without difficulty. He ran past the armored cowards, who were still just standing there with their shields up and their entire bodies shaking, and at the monster. As soon as he was within reach, he swiped at the thing's lower limbs and nearly lost his balance when what should have been a blunt toy sliced right through one limb and got stuck into the other, carrying the momentum of the slash much further than Link had expected.
He pulled the sword back out and jumped back just in time for the monster to fall as it failed to adapt to one of its legs being cut off. Link couldn't imagine he'd get another chance of surviving the day along with all the kids, so he leapt and plunged the sword into the narrow part of the monster's body located just below what appeared to be its head. Link couldn't quite think of it as a neck: there were several small limbs coming out of it and that it was adorned with half a dozen misshapen eyeballs and one fang sticking right out of the fur.
Link hoped cutting through the not-a-neck would still kill the abomination, because he certainly didn't have a clue what else to aim for. His hope was thankfully realized: the monster roared again, then gurgled and trashed, throwing Link off, and finally turned to dust.
Link stayed where he'd landed for a second, sitting on the ground and staring at the dust pile and at the display sword. He'd been ready to really yank to get what was supposed to be a crappy weapon out of its locking mechanism, but it had actually come really easily. Which meant the display not only had a real blade, it had a POORLY SECURED real blade.
"What kind of fucking idiot designed this..." he muttered. "I'm going to the museum office and screaming at someone..."
He got up and brushed himself off, then looked around to check on the kids. Everyone was staring at him, kids and useless private guards alike, which seemed like a gross overreaction to borrowing some sword that was just sitting there anyway so he could kill the monster that was attacking them.
"I'm going to put it back, sheesh," he said, rolling his eyes. "And you're welcome!" he added with a scowl, addressing the guards. "For, you know, killing the monster before it maimed and killed the lot of you. Not to mention a bunch of kids that you didn't even TRY to help! But I guess that's not in your contract, uh? Fucking pathetic! You AND the rich bastards that hired you and just stayed hidden! We could have all died! But we don't matter a fucking bit to you, do we? I know what the plan was, don't think I don't! You were going to all climb back in those carriages and run for it once the monster got busy tearing the KIDS apart!"
The hired guards were still staring at him. The kids were staring at him too, some of them back on the ground and some from higher up in the trees. One of the rich buggers the guards had been sort of protecting came out of the most nauseatingly gilded carriage there and stepped forward, allowing Link to get his first look at him: he really was a rich useless waste of space, and a big one at that. Tall and large, wearing the finest clothes Link had ever seen, and apparently he was influential enough to get away with straight up wearing the royal blue. Not to mention a...
Link's brain stopped working for a second when his eyes spotted the crown above the face he now recognized from publicly posted portraits. Huh. No wonder the rich bugger got away with wearing the royal blue, it was the asshole in chief himself.
He thought about bowing but couldn't talk himself into it. He acknowledged the King with a crisp nod and a perfectly polite if frosty "Your Majesty" instead.
He wasn't sure what else to say. He supposed it was good he hadn't called him a rich bastard to his face: his plans for the evening didn't include being tossed in a dungeon for insulting the bloody King. He'd already insulted the Royal Guards, that was probably not great for his future prospects already.
Strangely, the King did not look angry about his guards being berated and cussed at, or at the absence of a proper bow.
"Young man," he asked. "Do you not realize what you're holding?"
"I do, actually," Link said, feeling himself getting hotter again and unable to help it. A real sword, where kids could just take it for fun! He'd even encouraged it because honestly, why would you ask kids NOT to pretend to pull the pretend Master Sword out? "It's a SWORD!" he continued, his voice rising in anger. "An actual, sharp sword! Right where kids can just take it for fun and try to pretend fight with it, and cut other kids up by accident! Did you know about this? Because it's BEYOND stupid!"
Link realized right after that last comment that shutting up a few sentences earlier would probably have been a great idea.
The King didn't seem to care. "How old are you?" he asked. "Where did you learn to fight?"
Link swallowed. He'd learned to fight because he was training, with an organized group no less, to overthrow the monarchy. He spent more time doing that than he did at school, and routinely day dreamed about the day he'd get to put that training to its intended use against the Royal Family and all their pet nobles.
"14, your Majesty," he said, answering the easy question first. He quickly improvised the rest. "My aunt taught me, she... she was a monster hunter. Sorry." He stopped and made a show of looking embarrassed about his imaginary aunt's illegal activities. Monster hunting was considered a crime, supposedly because of how dangerous it was. Link was pretty sure it was more because civilians taking out monsters all over the place made the guards who weren't doing the same look bad.
The King said nothing for a moment, just standing there and staring. The guards were staring even harder now, like the King doing it too meant it was fine.
Link cleared his throat. "I'll... I'll go ahead and put it ba..."
"WAIT," the King called out.
Link stopped in his tracks and turned back towards him, an eyebrow raised.
"Young man," the King said. "This is not a mere recreation, or an ordinary exhibit. There are no props here. You have in your hands the Blade of Evil's Bane."
Link looked at the sword. Then at the King again. Then at the sword again.
"Er… I don't… that can't…" he said. He swallowed. "Unless the stories about how only the hero can pull it out are all full of sh..." he stopped himself just in time. Dungeon life just really failed to appeal to him, especially since he was pretty sure his mom would kill him if he got himself arrested. "...lies. Full of lies," he finished.
"People have been trying to pull it out for as long as I've lived. I've done it myself as a youth. Not one group comes through here without at least one jokester trying it. Until today, it never budged. It did in the past, of course, before my time, but not ever since the last Chosen One."
"Then I guess the lock is broken, " Link said. He understood where the King was going with this and he was having none of it.
Every few generations, some threat conveniently showed up just as a revolution was brewing. Suddenly, a Hero would be found and some royal looking chick would be dug out of wherever, and the Royal Family all being straight up evil manipulating thieving autocrats would suddenly seem less important because one of them would (supposedly) save Hyrule from some manufactured vaguely pig-looking threat with the Hero's help. Nice way to kill a revolution in the bud.
"The 'lock' is the sword itself choosing who can take it, and it cannot break," the King said with the assurance of a man who got to declare himself right about whatever he wanted. "The Master Sword is yours. You are the Chosen One."
Link's eyes narrowed. There it was, the plot confirmed. Explained why the King was even here, anyway.
"Absolutely fucking not," Link said. And he jammed the sword right back into its pedestal.
The King sighed. "Arrest him," he ordered. "If he resists, we'll assume he doesn't want to be separated from all his little friends and take them too."
Link's eyes widened. The guards were on him in an instant: they were much braver and efficient against an unarmed teenager than against a monster, and he was subdued, chained and driven to his knees in front of the King before he had time to think of a suitable curse to direct at them for even considering throwing kids in jail if HE resisted arrest.
The kids clamored protests but the guards and the King thankfully ignored them.
The King was looking at Link with a much more royal expression now: hateful and disdainful.
"Look at you," he sneered. "Blond hair, blue eyes, and all. A pure classic. I don't even need to ask your name, it's obviously Link. The Spirit of the Hero didn't try to hide this time. How nice." He snorted and lifted his nose. "I will grant you time to think about your responsibilities to your kingdom." He turned his gaze to the guards holding Link. "Dungeon. Survival treatment."
Link was sorely tempted to spit at him, but the kids hadn't scattered yet and he didn't want to give the royal dickhead an excuse to mistreat them.
The King turned his back on him and went back to his carriage. The guards holding Link hauled him to his feet and towards a different, slightly less gilded, carriage.
Link turned his head back towards the kids. "Back to the carts everyone!" he ordered. "The drivers will be there soon!"
He didn't get a chance to see whether they listened: he was shoved into the carriage and the door, which already had the curtains drawn, was closed right behind him and the three guards that climbed along. He glared at them. They smirked.