Chapter 3

One day bled into another. Each new step burned our tired bodies a little more. It had been three days since we'd headed out. All in all, we were making progress, but something dismal had settled over us for the last 24 hours. It was something semi-tangible, like a feeling flickering to life. But just what the sense meant, was anybody's guess.

I stopped, gazing down at the flowing waterfall beneath us.

All I knew was it felt so much worse than a "bad feeling."

Still, as far as we could discern we weren't being followed. If anything, it was just such a weary sense of fatigue…

"Let's rest up for a bit," I suggested.

When Leia didn't argue I assumed she felt the same. Ducking under the cover of a large tree we sat in between the intertwining roots. In the distance, we could hear the rushing sound of water, smell it even. Life was so rich here you could feel it. Like a hum, a pulse. And yet, dying was all that was on my mind these days…

Stupid questions, like whether the Force would lead someone to their death if it served a greater purpose. Though what purpose us dying on this backwater planet could serve was beyond me. I'd learned, albeit slowly, to trust the Force. Now I needed that trust more than ever…

"We're doing well," Leia encouraged. "We might make it to the settlement in six days."

I nodded, some grunt of acknowledgment hung in my throat. "If we make it."

Her brown eyes bit into me with all the force of a slap. "Of course, we're going to make it."

She was tough, no doubt about that, but I felt more bravado than certainty in her emotions. It was a fact neither of us could hide. Slowly she let the sigh slip from weary lips. "I hope we do…" she finally admitted, an ache in her voice.

I reached to touch her shoulder, thinking of all the right words Luke would have to say. As it was, I felt fear when I looked at her, a secret fear we both shared. Because neither of us was afraid of dying, it was just the thought of what we'd each leave behind. As it was, I didn't know what to say.

"The Force will guide us…" I mumbled out like a first-year padawan.

She mustered a little grin. "So some of Luke's Jedi wisdom has rubbed off on you after all…?"

I nestled myself between two large roots, returning her faint smile. "Yeah, and right about now I'd give anything to hear him babble on about it…"

"I know…" she whispered, her eyes looking far away. "I wish I had said things differently…"

"To who…?" I gently pressed.

She gave a wincing smile. "Anakin knew I was upset with him when I left. I didn't yell, it's just…I didn't say anything. That's the problem I suppose…"

"Well," I tried to lighten the moment. "They have Han's blood, that has to make it harder."

"And mine…" she whispered. "Hardheaded, and sure I know everything..."

I closed my eyes, thinking of Ben. He was too young to really know just the sort of person he would be. But I still imagined him sometimes. Older. Polite and gracious like Luke, or stubborn and firey like me. Mostly though, the image drifted to some intermingling of the two. I pictured him tall and handsome, holding his lightsaber with pride. He'd have so many questions about his legacy and all the things that had come before.

I…I wanted to be there to answer him no matter what. It was that desire that made me reach for the medical scanner clipped to Leia's side. Flipping it open I scanned us both, twice, three times.

"Did you know about this…?" I asked in soft despair.

"I wanted to be wrong…" Leia's lips tightened into a grim line. "I was going to mention it tonight if the readings persisted."

"Which they are!" I stabbed louder than I'd wanted to.

But Leia didn't flinch, only looked at me more compassionately. "The readings from our vital systems are highly unusual and appear to be worsening progressively. It's just fatigue now, the occasional dizziness, but I don't know what the end result is. Frankly, I'm not a doctor, Mara, I just don't know…"

I bit my lip, trying to absorb and process the information like a Jedi. To accept that I could die without ever seeing Ben or Luke again. But no amount of calm was coming to me. Instead, I felt my emotions like hot durasteel pressed against my skin.

"I'm sorry…" I finally mumbled. "I shouldn't have yelled…"

She shrugged. "I feel like yelling too. I wish it would help because I would." She leaned back against the flaking scales of tree bark. "I'd yell so loudly, Han and Luke would have to hear me and come."

She closed her eyes for just a few moments, letting herself indulge in the ridiculous fantasy. But when she opened her eyes again, all the fear and helplessness were gone, replaced with calm resolution.

"I don't know if it's a condition from the environment or from some other source. But we're best walking and not asking questions. If we can make it to the settlement they're sure to have a doctor."

I stood, brushing the damp dirt from my pants. "Then let's go, I don't want to sit around here and die."

I picked up my pack and turned to start back on the trail. But she reached out to stop me in my tracks. "Mara…"

I turned.

In her eyes was a raw honesty I'd seldom seen. "Whatever comes, I'm glad you're here. I've risked my life countless times, but still, it's a comfort not to be alone."

I held her gaze for a few long moments, her emotions filling me almost as strongly as Luke's did. I saw the truth behind the brave face that had withstood Imperial integration and scoffed in the face of death itself. Ready always to have the last word, to die with dignity no matter the cost.

I hadn't known her at the start, but I got the feeling that all the while she had really been afraid.

I smiled softly, a playfulness in my tone. "Well, I wouldn't mind not being here, but if I have to be, I'm glad it's with you, Princess." I'd done my best to sound like Han, and it had worked more or less, that was clear by the glisten in her eyes.

Hope.

We'd cling to it as long as we could.

Night was breathing down our necks by the time we came to the base of a mountain that had long loomed in the distance. According to Leia's direction, it was in the direction we needed to go. Going around would cost us days we didn't have, which left only one option.

Over.

Even with the first stars breaking out overhead we didn't think of stopping just yet. Every new inch of fatigue we felt only pressed the need for urgently deeper into our bones. So finding a handhold I started up. The incline wasn't sheer, which would make things a lot easier. About twenty feet above I could make out a ledge big enough to rest on, I thought we might camp there for the night. But we had to make it there first…

Pulling the Force around my limbs like a bandage I tried to will the pain to stop. Little by little it did. Meditation had never come easily for me. Still was harder to hold onto than movement, but I found myself slipping into a sort of rhythm. It felt almost like a trance, but I wasn't sure if it was a good sign. Was the Force helping me or was I just slowly going numb?

As if to answer me I felt a new flood of energy fill my limbs. In the back of my head, I could hear Luke softly lecturing me about trusting the Force, in giving into it.

"Don't fight it, Mara. Just let go. The Force will give anything you can't. Together, that's always more than enough."

I closed my eyes, letting the Force guide my next handhold. I felt it like a support beneath me. The sense of Leia and the world around us pulsing in time. But I also felt my body as if from a distance. Felt the unusual weakness that only seemed to grow with each passing second. I also felt my own fear. That ever-forbidden fear…

Jedi were supposed to accept death willingly when it came. Or so I'd heard. But I never would. I'd fight until life was literally wrenched from my hands. Because behind it all was the simple desire to see them both again. Love and fear were connected. The old Order wasn't wrong about that. But living a life with no passion or true emotion was pointless from the start.

I opened my eyes, thankful to see the ledge just a few feet away. Now wasn't the time to rehash my old bones with the previous Order, I had to focus. And yet I couldn't drive away the anger I felt in my chest. A sort of building frustration of having to fight for my life. I'd done it so many times, but never with so much to lose.

Swallowing my dry throat I tried to calm my emotions. Something wasn't right… It was more than the fatigue, something was trying to drive us both into hysteria.

Pulling myself onto the ledge I fell on my back, fighting for greedy breaths. Within moments Leia joined me, fighting to catch her breath all the same. After a few moments, she rose to her knees, looking at me with concern.

"Mara, your emotions… Are you alright?"

I shook my head. "No, not even close. But I don't know why. Something on this planet is messing with my head."

She considered the possibility for a moment before reaching for the medical scanner. She didn't need to tell me the readings were worse, I could see that written all over her face.

Finally, she sighed. "Mental effects are surely possible. If anything I feel hopeless, something not exactly in character."

It would have seemed normal to feel hopeless in this situation, but she was right, it wasn't normal for her. Unlike me, she had both the grace to die nobly and the tenacity to stop it from happening in the first place.

I didn't have words left, so I just grunted a reply and leaned against the mountainside. Within seconds I was asleep. A restless sleep that burdened my mind with nightmares I could have done without. But dreams were the least of our worries. Sometime during the night, I felt a jolt of alarm ring through my hazy sense. Beside me, I already heard the hum of Leia's lightsaber. Scrambling for my own I gripped it in sweaty palms; the blue glow softly lighting the night.

Just head was a small narrow ledge connected to ours. The ledge twisted around the mountain until it joined a larger ledge. Through the darkness, I could just see the shadow of what appeared to be a cave. But the opening in the mountainside wasn't the issue, no it was the creatures coming from it.

"They're back," Leia whispered frantically. "They were nesting in the caves."

The same amber eyes glowed at us through the darkness; fangs glistening in what was left of the starlight. We stood back to back, preparing for a fight, but nothing in me felt battle ready. We watched as one after another the creatures hugged the narrow ledge stalking closer to us. Another was less subtle and cleared the distance in one leap. I lashed forward, my blade a streak of light in the darkness. The creature gave one last wail before it was struck down. But that sound was enough to whip the rest into a frenzy.

One after another they raised their heads and let go of the same paralyzing guttural scream. I felt the sound reverberate in my bones, each note like a cut against my skin. I staggered and fell to one knee. Leia reached for my shoulder, a grim realization in her eyes.

"It's the call, it's poisoning us somehow!"

That was helpful to know, but I thought their teeth would kill us even sooner. I pushed myself to my feet, determined not to die here. Not like this, not without seeing Luke or Ben again. But like the cruelest realization, my body didn't obey. My muscles sat locked in a frozen tension that no amount of will could break.

I was going to die, here, now.

Without either of them.

I would fall in neither Jedi grace nor smuggler determination. Because I was a sitting target. Helpless and waiting to die…

Something in me broke as I reached desperately for the Force.

"The Force will give anything you can't."

He'd smiled when he'd said it. His eyes were as blue as ice and yet as warm as a flame.

"Together, that's always more than enough."

The Force stirred around me, causing small pebbles to flicker into the air. My lightsaber, his father's lightsaber, cut through the night. A last stand against the inevitable.

It hurt me that he'd lose this saber again. That neither of us could cherish the meaning together anymore. Because he was losing me too… We were losing everything…

I heard a wail of searing pain from a few of the creatures before the world went black. So black that I assumed death was the only thing left to meet me…