"C'mon baby, you can do it…come to Daddy."
Kate sat on one side of the living room, her phone trained on Alexis as their almost-toddler slowly pushed to her feet, rocking backwards and forwards precariously as she found her balance before taking a few wobbly steps towards a beaming Hank who was waiting for her a few feet away with his arms outstretched.
She had been using the furniture and her trusty shopping cart to get around since Christmas but, in the few days they had been home from their honeymoon, she had taken to standing up unassisted in the middle of the hardwood floor only to reach out a hand and yell for Hank to come and help her move across the room.
Kate had watched on with a wry smile as Alexis led him around the house by his index finger, her animated babbling interspersed with Hank's occasional hum of acknowledgement as she pointed out whatever had piqued her interest.
Sensing their daughter was on the cusp of conquering yet another huge development milestone, they had spent the entire morning on opposite ends of the living room, trying to catch her first steps on camera.
"That's it, you got it!"
Alexis was a few inches from her intended target when she launched herself forwards into Hank's waiting arms with a squeal of laughter, her chubby cheeks stretched into a broad smile as both of her parents clapped and cheered in support but the jovial celebration was halted by the sound of somebody tapping at the door. Kate had half expected to find a breathless Erin on her doorstep, desperate to witness her goddaughter's first steps but when Kate swung the heavy wood open, the person standing on their doorstep was the very last woman Kate had expected to see.
"Meredith…hi."
Kate had only met the estranged widow of her husband's best friend a handful of times and, while she had never been outwardly callous towards her, Kate had always felt that Meredith disapproved of her relationship with Hank. She had assumed the underlying hostility stemmed from the age difference but it wasn't until much later did she realised that it wasn't her Meredith had the problem with.
Her eyes scanned the sea of bodies surrounding her at she sat between a tearful Trudy and a stoic Kevin, the Priest's melancholic voice echoing around the grand chapel but still she was unable to locate the one face she needed to see. She had seen him earlier that morning when he'd collected her from the hospital and driven her to the church but, ever since, he'd been MIA.
Knowing how much guilt he shouldered in the aftermath of Alvin's death, she couldn't help but want to have him close as they said a tearful goodbye to a beloved friend and colleague but he had apparently chosen to keep to himself rather than stand with his unit. Her eyes kept drifting to the lone figure of Meredith Olinsky, swathed in black as Kim and Adam secured the large silk flag over Al's casket, the latter resting a gloved hand atop the pine box for a few long beats before returning to his seat.
As close as she was with Al, she had only been introduced to his estranged wife once or twice, the first time when Meredith had stopped by the 21st to drop off the divorce papers Alvin had been trying desperately to avoid signing. Ironically, the second time she'd met Mrs Olinsky was at the CPD Fourth of July cookout after Al had finally convinced her to try and make a go of things.
'So, you're Hank's new…girlfriend.'
The disgustingly happy smile Kate had been wearing all day faltered slightly as she straightened her spine, turning away from the cooler with two icy beers in hand. Squinting into the sun, she met Meredith's bright green eyes steadily, her skin already prickling uncomfortably at the inferred disapproval of her status in Hank's life. It wasn't like it was headline news, they had been dating for almost six months but it was the first time she had seen her colleague's wife since they had made it official.
'How are you Meredith?' Kate asked brightly, forcing what she hoped was a genuine smile onto her face but it soon became apparent that Mrs Olinsky wasn't going to be swayed out of saying her piece.
'Look, I've known Hank a long time. Camille and I…' She tailed off with a huff, her hands coming to rest on her hips. 'Look, you seem like a smart young woman, don't let his charming facade fool you.'
Before she could respond, Meredith turned on her heel and stalked off into the blazing summer sun, leaving a stunned Kate in her wake. Looking back now, it was almost impossible to believe that the next time she would see her would be as they were putting Al in the ground.
But despite the frosty reception Kate had received the last time she was in Meredith's company, she still felt as though she needed to pay her respects to the wife of her colleague, mentor and friend. So she had limped her way across the church, one hand clutching her barely visible bump, stitches tugging painfully with every step only to be glared at like she was the cause of all of Meredith's pain.
Swallowing thickly, Kate whispered a quiet, sincere apology for her loss before before allowing Trudy to guide her to the car idling at the curb ready to take her back to the hospital and, when she arrived, Hank was already outside waiting for her in full uniform, hat under one arm and a forced half-smile on his still-bruised face.
They were silent as he had helped her out of her dress blues and back into a pair of soft pyjamas he had bought from her apartment a few days prior and, once she was back in bed propped up somewhat comfortably against the pillows, he lowered himself down into the chair beside her.
'I didn't see you at the church earlier.'
His face was carefully blank as he swiped a hand over the starchy hospital sheets, chasing each of the creases until the fabric was stretched taut over her legs. A few moments of silence passed, both of them watching his hands as they settled alongside her body on the mattress.
'Were Camille and Meredith close?'
At the mention of his late wife's name, he finally lifted his eyes to her face, remaining silent for a few more beats until he eventually responded.
'I guess so…they'd known each other for almost as long as I'd known Al." He shifted uncomfortably for a moment, the heavy wool of his dress blues suddenly feeling like it was made of iron. 'Why'd you ask?'
'I just…get a feeling Meredith doesn't like me.' Kate mumbled, fingers toying with the hem of the sheet in an effort to keep her hands busy.
'It's not you.' He sighed, rubbing both palms over his tired face. 'She blames me for Al's death…and rightly so.'
The hatred in Meredith's eyes as she paused briefly in the visitor lobby at Cook County to tell him how sick it made her that it wasn't him in there sitting in a beige jumpsuit was entirely justified.
But frankly nobody could hate him more than he already hated himself.
They both knew that the only reason Alvin was in there in the first place was because of him but they also knew that Alvin had every opportunity to tell the truth and he chose not to. Hank had pleaded with him to tell the truth but the 'stupid moral code' that Meredith hated so much had kept him silent.
'The only person responsible for Al's death was the man holding the shiv.' Kate said firmly with a shake of her head, her eyes filling with tears as she watched the man she loved almost fold in on himself with guilt. Reaching over the metal railing surrounding the narrow hospital bed, she grasped one of his hands in her own, drawing his eyes back to her face.
'I know it's not easy but we gotta find a way to get past this, Hank. You gotta find a way to let this go…for all of our sakes.'
And for the most part, they had. The guilt never fully went away but he had found a way to live with it and now the very woman who embodied that guilt was standing on their doorstep, a thick manilla file in hand.
"Sorry to stop by unannounced like this…" Meredith stuttered, her eyes flicking uncomfortably from Kate to the floor and back again.
"That's alright. Did, uh, did you wanna come in?" Kate jerked a thumb over her shoulder but Meredith was already shaking her head before Kate had even finished the question.
"No, thank you, I-uh, just wanted to give you this." She held out the file towards Kate who took it from Meredith's outstretched fingers with her brows furrowed in confusion. "I couldn't bring myself to sort through all of his things in the garage until recently. It just felt so…"
"…final." Kate supplied, knowing the feeling all too well.
She didn't miss the flicker of surprise that passed across Meredith's face but the two women shared a moment of silent understanding before they were interrupted by Hank who appeared at her shoulder with an exceptionally chatty Alexis in his arms.
"Kate, who is-" His smile faltered when his eyes landed on his best friend's wife and he struggled not to shift beneath her frigid appraisal. Her green eyes slowly took in the details of their perfect little family, the stunning home, the matching wedding bands, the adorable baby girl who's wild chocolate curls weren't all that dissimilar to Lexi's at the age.
Kate vaguely wondered if Meredith was aware she had named her firstborn after her husband and daughter but, before she could introduce the two, Meredith levelled Hank with a cold stare and huffed out a humourless laugh.
"Looks like you landed on your feet once again, Hank." She said bitterly, casting one more sympathetic glance at Kate before turning on her heel and striding down the path and disappearing from sight.
"What did she want?" Hank asked after a moment of silence, the two of them listening to the sound of Meredith's car springing to life before the rumble of the engine eventually faded into silence.
Kate closed the door, lifting the thick file up between them.
"To give me this."
His eyes narrowed as he took in the familiar untidy scrawl on the yellow post-it note stuck on the front of the file.
"What is it?" He asked, bouncing Alexis gently as she fiddled with the buttons his shirt.
"Dunno…Meredith said she was sorting out Al's garage." Kate opened the file and instantly froze when she came face to face with her father's last DMV picture, the very same one that had been tacked to a makeshift whiteboard in her study for almost two years.
"Hank…why did Al have a copy of my dad's murder file?" She breathed, leafing through the pages that had been marked or highlighted as something of interest.
"I have no idea." He mumbled in response, moving to her elbow so that he could get a look at the file over her shoulder.
"There's a few reports in here I haven't seen before." She had already worked her way to the back of the file, pausing sporadically to read the notes Al had made in the margins of one of the many police reports. "Did you know he was working my dad's case?" She asked, peering up at him with wide, confused eyes.
"Of course not, you think that's something I'd have kept from you if I did?" Hank replied, gently lowering Alexis to the ground before taking the file from Kate's slightly shaky hands and guiding them both to the living room. He took a seat next to her on the couch, their thighs pressed together as they both skimmed through the last report in the file that seemed to be a summary of Al's findings.
"It says here that there was a crew who hit at least two dozen gas stations from Manhattan to Hartford around that time but were never caught. Two white males, both between 5'10 and 6 feet." Hank pointed out the passage of text, glancing briefly at Kate who was already re-reading the section highlighted with her heart in her throat.
"Hank that matches the description of the men that killed my dad." She said quietly before the realisation that she had missed such a big coincidence seemed to hit her like a speeding truck. "Jesus fucking Christ, how did I not pick that up!?"
"C'mon Kate, you were a rookie." Hank said quietly, resting a comforting palm on her knee, giving it a gentle squeeze before turning back to the report and reading the last paragraph out loud. "Case was worked by New Haven homicide but one of Al's contacts said that NYPD Organised Crime had taken an interest given there was a suspected pattern across the tri-state area."
"I had no idea anyone other than New Haven homicide even looked at it." Kate breathed, resting both elbows on her knees and burying her face in her hands. She was silent for a few long moments until she eventually slid her hands down far enough to peer up at him through her lashes.
"I can't chase this if I'm not a cop Hank."
He instantly knew what she was trying to tell him. If she wanted to chase down this newfound information, she was going to have to stay in the Intelligence Unit for a little while longer.
"Then we hold off on filing the paperwork." Hank replied easily, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "If we get pregnant faster than we expected, we rethink our options."
Kate searched his face for any sign that he wasn't onboard with their last minute change in plans but the only thing she could see was his desire to help her fill the void that her father's unsolved murder had left in her life for the past fifteen years. She had been sensing a 'but' coming long before he closed the case file and placed it on the coffee table, angling his body towards her.
"Not once have I ever made demands on you or your body, Kate, but the second we get that positive test, I am not having you in the field. I don't care how far along you are-"
"I know, I know." She sighed, lifting a hand to cup his jaw, brushing the pad of her thumb along his cheek softly. The thought of having to relive the daily panic of wondering whether their unborn baby would make it into the world was more than either of them could stomach and she had absolutely no intention of making that same mistake again.
"Do you really think this is worth chasing?" She asked quietly, bright hazel eyes searching warm brown. "I mean, what if I'm just chasing ghosts?"
He took a moment to process her question. While he hadn't known her when she was a twenty-three year old rookie, he knew how much leaving an unsolved case chewed up the seasoned detective that sat before him today. The lack of closure that came with not having justice served hit too close to home which was just one of the reasons why she was so decorated in her field; she wouldn't stop until she could offer the closure she hadn't been able to get herself. The protective husband in him wanted to toss the file into the fire and pretend it never existed but he also knew that, if his best friend had found a lead, it was almost certainly worth following.
The manilla file continued to burn a hole in the locked drawer of Kate's desk for the following two weeks and not even preparation for Alexis' first birthday party was enough of a distraction for Kate who had been somewhat subdued despite her best efforts to remain in good spirits. She was watching Adam hop through a princess-themed bouncy castle with a tiara wedged on top of his head and a giggling Alexis in his arms when Trudy appeared behind her, the front of her shirt littered with a myriad of Frozen stickers that Alexis had spent a good thirty minutes pressing into place before waddling off to find Hank who had been deep in conversation with Wallace Boden on the other side of the room.
"Lovin' the decal on that shirt Trudy."
Kate couldn't stop the laugh that bubbled forth at Trudy's exaggerated eye roll, both of them fully aware that the usually stoic-desk sergeant melted like ice in the desert when it came to Alexis Voight.
"Good job you two make cute babies, huh." She muttered dryly, resting her weight against the nearby counter with her arms folded across her chest, quietly watching Kate's profile. "Hank told me about the file."
Of course he had. There wasn't much that went on in her personal or professional life that Trudy Platt didn't know about. Then again, everybody needed somebody to lean on and she was thrilled her husband still had Trudy in his life to be that crucial sounding board.
"There's so much I missed the first time around, Trudy." Kate said with a sigh, tearing her eyes away from the shenanigans in her back yard to meet Trudy's warm hazel eyes. "Witness statements, security footage. Not to mention the fact there were over half a dozen almost identical crimes."
"You were a rookie, Kate." Trudy interrupted firmly. "You can't beat yourself up for not knowing stuff you hadn't been taught yet."
"That's what Hank said."
"Well, he's right…not that I'll ever admit that to his face."
Kate snorted in amusement, her eyes drifting across the room in search of her husband who was mid-conversation with one of the dads from Alexis' day care and, although he appeared to be nodding in all the right places, she could tell even from this distance that his mind was a million miles away. Making the decision to leave the force wasn't one they had arrived at easily and she felt terrible to teasing him with a few more months on the job he loved only to ask him to give it up when she was ready. He'd never been anything but crystal clear when it came to what he wanted and she felt like she had done nothing but jerk him around.
"We're trying for another baby."
Both of Trudy's eyebrows rocketed to her hairline.
"Oh, uh, congrats on having regular unprotected sex I guess."
"That's not what I meant." Kate replied with a huff of genuine laughter before drawing in a long, steady breath. "I almost lost myself trying to find who killed my dad. I've never told anyone this before but it's why I got transferred from Narcotics to Vice. My Sergeant was worried I was in over my head and transferring me into Vice meant more UC work, less time to spend on my dad's case."
Undercover work had become Kate's substance of choice when it came to needing something the dull the pain of whatever bullshit she had going on in her personal life. Whether it be some asshole breaking her heart or needing to get away from the constant barrage of thinly-veiled insults her family threw her way. Assuming the life of someone else had been her escape. Then she met Jake and things had been good for a while until the life she had tentatively allowed herself dream about became nothing short of a nightmare. But the first thing she did when everything fell apart was slip right back into UC work because, although it was like living on a knife edge, it was surprisingly easy. No real friends, no family, no emotions. Sometimes easy was so much better than safe.
"Finding his killer isn't gonna bring him back, Kate." Trudy murmured, pulling her from her own thoughts. "I guess you just gotta decide if going back down that rabbit hole is gonna be worth it."
And it was a rabbit hole. A deep, dark rabbit hole that she had been down before but the thought of dragging the two people she loved most in the world into that bottomless pit with her was more than enough for her to pause before running headlong into the abyss as she had done many times before.
"I just don't want any of this to impact Hank or Alexis. We were making plans and they've already been through enough-"
"Then why don't you get your loverboy in New York to take a look at it first? See if he can find anything useful."
Kate blinked slowly for a few long beats. "You mean Elliot?"
How Trudy knew about her history with Elliot was yet another mystery she wasn't sure she wanted the answer to but, again, somehow she wasn't surprised.
"Jesus Christ, don't let Hank hear you call him that." The last thing she needed was for him to get his panties in a twist again over her short-lived fling with Elliot Stabler. But it wasn't a bad call. According to Al's notes, OCCB took a look at they case when they caught wind that it might be a serial robbery crew and, thought it was long before Elliot joined the department, they could very well have something in their archives that would help.
"Thanks Trudy."
"You bet. Now c'mon, your firstborn's first birthday is a day of celebration. This time a year ago we were…" She slipped back the sleeve of her shirt to cast a glance at her watch, mouth pulling into a wry grin. "…I think we were pacing around your hospital room praying for your husband to switch his damn cell phone on."
Kate couldn't help but grin at the memory of trying to keep both herself and Trudy calm as Alexis rapidly made her way into the world, thankfully waiting just long enough for Hank to make it to the hospital.
"I don't think I've ever been so pleased to see him." Kate mused, her eyes once again drifting to Hank who was now bouncing Alexis in his arms as Erin slowly crossed the room with a giant pink and white cake in hand, a single candle alight in the middle in the shape of a number one.
As Kate stood tucked beneath Hank's arm, beaming with pride as their closest friends and family crowded around them to celebrate their baby's first birthday, she found herself wondering if her dad would've wanted her to keep chasing his murderers like this. Trudy was right, even if she did find the person responsible, it wouldn't bring him back. He still wouldn't be here with them to watch Alexis clap her little hands together as Hank extinguished the candle with an exaggerated puff, cheering and laughing along with everybody else as she smushed a wedge of frosting into Hank's mouth. But even though it wouldn't bring him back, perhaps she would finally find some peace knowing that those who had taken these little moments from them had been rightly served justice the deserved.