Above Vapor But Under Zero
"How did those dimwit Dreadnoks find this base?" Cobra Commander stormed to the underground hangar with the rest of the Cobra High command.
"They must have remembered from the time they were here before," Zero shrugged.
"WHAT? Did everyone know about this secret base but me?" Cobra Commander screamed, his voice getting louder.
"I didn't know," Mindbender grumbled.
"You don't count!" Cobra Commander snapped.
"Speaking of things that don't count," Destro remarked. "Or perform any other mathematic equations…What are we going to do about the Dreadnoks? I suggest blowing them up and feeding what's left of them to Mindbender's lizards."
"Uh Destro not a good idea to give giant mutated lizards a taste for human flesh," Mindbender winced. "Trust me I know that from experience."
"Okay how about just blow them up?" Destro asked.
"Shouldn't we torture them first?" Zero asked.
"I'm with Zero!" Destro agreed.
"Sounds like a plan to me," The Baroness agreed.
"I'll get the battery cables," Mindbender spoke up.
"Let me handle this!" Cobra Commander hisses as they made their way into the hangar. "As usual!"
"When do you ever handle anything?" The Baroness challenged.
"So much for this base being abandoned," Zarana was heard grumbling as the Cobras confronted the Dreadnoks with drawn weapons.
"I told you even Snake Face would figure out the Twins had this place on the side," Buzzer hissed to Zartan.
"Shut up Buzzer!" Zartan snapped. He then put on his most charming smile. "Greetings Cobra Commander. It's good to see you."
"Really? Too bad we can't say the same for you!" The Baroness spoke up. "In fact we were hoping to never smell your stench of stupidity and failure again!"
"Charming as ever Baroness," Zartan rolled his eyes. "I was speaking to Cobra Commander."
"Yeah but she's right," Cobra Commander snarled. "So what happened Zartan? As if I didn't know!"
"Everyone in the entire world knows now," Destro purred with a tone of a cat that was about to eat a huge canary. "Let me guess, you're crawling back to Cobra because you're on the run and no one else will hire you?"
"That's pretty much it, yeah," Torch shrugged.
"Shut up!" Zartan hissed. "It's your stupidity that got us into this mess in the first place!"
"Oh yeah it's all on me," Torch grumbled. "I'm not the one who blew the Hendrickson deal."
"Shut up!" Zartan snapped.
"Torch does have a point Zartan," Donald, Road Pig's alter ego spoke up.
"Y-You d-did drop the b-ball on that one," Road Pig added.
"What was the Hendrickson deal?" Mindbender blinked.
"That's not important now," Zartan spoke up before anyone else could. "The important thing is that we've learned the error of our ways and want to return to Cobra."
"Like we'd want you!" The Baroness hissed.
"Why the hell should we let you degenerate traitors back into Cobra?" Cobra Commander hissed. "You abandoned us and jumped ship to run with those traitors from Mongoose Incorporated!"
"To be fair they offered us a lot of money for doing so," Monkeywrench spoke up.
"Yeah we're only human," Torch agreed.
"That's only a theory," Destro raised an eyebrow.
"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't blow you all up into tiny bits and feed your bodies to the sharks!" Cobra Commander hissed.
"How about fifty million reasons?" Zarana casually pulled out a suitcase filled with cash and showed it to them.
"Welcome back," Cobra Commander replied.
"NOW HOLD ON JUST A MINUTE!" Destro yelled. "After all those traitors have done to us you're just going to let these freaks waltz back in here as if nothing had happened?"
"This is about your stupid castle isn't it?" Torch moaned. "Dude that place was a money pit! I had to burn it down! It was the only way to get the insurance money and make a profit on it! And even then I still took a loss!"
"Seriously, Torch did you a favor," Buzzer added.
"That dump made the Dreadnok's lair look like the freaking palace of Versailles," Monkeywrench agreed.
"I still have a bump on my head from where a brick fell from the wall on it!" Ripper pointed to his head.
"He does!" Torch nodded. "And I had to get a stupid tetanus shot because I stepped on a rusted nail that was like over four hundred years old!"
"Not to mention there was so much dust in that place it was murder on my sinuses," Ripper grumbled.
"It's true," Torch pointed. "Ripper nearly died!"
"Nearly isn't good enough," Destro grumbled.
"Look Cobra needs us…" Zartan began.
"Like we need an audit from the IRS," Zero added.
"Good one Zero," Destro smirked.
"Wait who's Zero?" Torch was confused.
"Oh right. This is Zero Finance, our new head of Business," Cobra Commander introduced. "Zero for short. Zero, I believe you remember the Dreadnoks?"
"Too well," Zero folded his arms.
"What did we do to you…?" Zartan sighed in a resigned tone.
"You put me in the hospital with a broken foot and a concussion," Zero glared at him. "Well your Dreadnoks did."
"To be fair we do that to a lot of people," Ripper spoke up.
"Yeah if we remembered everyone whose bones we broke we'd…well let's just say it is a very long list and leave it at that," Torch agreed.
"Hold on a second," Zandar frowned. "I thought the Crimson Twins were in charge of finance?"
"Not anymore," The Baroness shrugged. "We had some management restructuring."
"So we don't need them!" Destro snarled at the Dreadnoks. "Except maybe as giant lizard food."
"I keep telling you," Mindbender rolled his eyes. "Not a good thing to make your mutant lizards crave human meat!"
"Yes but since the Dreadnoks are barely human to begin with…" Destro began.
"Come on man," Zero said. "Why poison those giant lizards? They didn't do anything to deserve it."
"Not yet anyway," Mindbender shrugged.
"I'm just saying it doesn't make sense to bring back individuals who not only were partially responsible for crippling Cobra," Destro went on. "But severely damaged another organization as well."
"Two actually," Torch spoke up.
"There was a little incident at a friend of mine's secret drug smuggling operation hidden in a dishtowel museum on the mainland a few days ago," Monkeywrench spoke up.
"THAT WAS YOU?" Cobra Commander yelled. "I should have known!"
"Yeah but this time I wasn't the one responsible for setting that building on fire," Torch said. "For once. Right Zanzibar?"
"Zanzibar?" The Baroness noticed the Dreadnok pirate hiding behind the others. "WHAT IS THAT LOSER DOING HERE?!"
"Don't let her hit me again!" Zanzibar gulped.
"Long story short, his crew dumped him for jobs at Mongoose Incorporated," Zarana groaned. "When they kicked us out, they took over our jobs!"
"And now we're stuck with him," Zartan groaned.
"Well we are not stuck with you!" Destro pointed. "Cobra Commander you can't allow these incompetent degenerates to return to Cobra!"
"If you think about it we helped you by taking out the competition at Mongoose Incorporated," Ripper suggested.
"Like nobody could figure out that was going to happen!" The Baroness rolled her eyes. "And you didn't take out Mongoose Incorporated! You just got yourselves and Deming fired! Which I admit that last part is pretty amusing but still…"
"How about this? We let the Dreadnoks come back…" Zero thought. "But Destro will be in charge of them!"
"WHAT?" Zartan shouted.
"You have got to be bloody kidding me!" Zarana yelled.
"Not that wanker!" Torch agreed.
"Hold on a second!" Destro yelled. "I don't want to be responsible for the Dreadnoks! I'd sooner be in charge of the monkey cage at the zoo than these animals!"
"And there is no way I will take orders from a chromed creep like Destro!" Zartan snapped.
"You will if you want to stay in Cobra!" Zero snapped. He turned to Destro. "And I didn't say you would be responsible for the Dreadnoks, Destro. I said you'd be in charge of them. More accurately, when they screw up you get to charge them with a taser. Or anything else that conducts electricity."
"Oh," Destro blinked. "Well that's all right then."
"WHAT?" Zartan yelled.
"Take it or leave it Zartan," The Baroness folded her arms and smirked.
"Are we still above Mindbender?" Buzzer asked.
"No, but then again neither are the Crimson Twins," Cobra Commander shrugged. "So here's the new system. First there's me at the top, then Destro and the Baroness, Zero, Vapor…"
"Who the hell is Vapor?" Zartan called out.
"Isn't he dead?" Ripper was confused. "I thought he was dead."
"We have a new one," The Baroness explained.
"Is this new Vapor as much a pervert as the old one?" Torch asked. "Because if he is there is no way I am hanging out with that bloke!"
"And for Torch to call someone a pervert you know that's bad," Zandar spoke up.
"Mindbender is next," Cobra Commander pressed on. "The Crimson Twins, then you Dreadnoks!"
"Hold on!" Mindbender spoke up. "How can Vapor be above me? His green house is in one of my labs!"
"Okay fine you can be above Vapor but under Zero," Cobra Commander sighed.
"Wait shouldn't that be equal to me?" Zero spoke up. "Because technically we are the heads of our own departments?"
"I know Zero funds my department but…" Mindbender spoke up.
"But Mindbender has some really primo drugs and stuff…" Zero said.
"Okay fine! Zero and Mindbender are equals and in case you disagree with each other you can play rock paper scissors!" Cobra Commander snapped.
"That works for me," Mindbender shrugged.
"When you said Destro and me did you mean us together or is he above me?" The Baroness asked.
"Together! Usually…Depending on the mission," Cobra Commander groaned. "Look the gist of what I am saying is that the Dreadnoks are at the bottom where they belong! Okay? Does everyone get that?"
"Agreed. Yeah. I guess. Whatever. I'm fine. Do we have a choice?" The group of villains remarked.
"All right! Now that that is settled," Cobra Commander said. "Let us conclude this meeting by welcoming back the Dreadnoks…"
"Ugh…" Destro rolled his eyes.
"With tasers, bats and anything else we can use to beat them senseless!" Cobra Commander pulled out a taser from his belt.
"YAY!" Zero chirped cheerfully as he pulled out his own taser.
"Welcome Back Zartan," The Baroness smirked as she pounded her hand into her fist.
"Oh I am going to like this new situation," Destro agreed.
"Better them than us," Tomax said to his brother.
"With them here we are no longer the scapegoats!" Xamot admitted.
"Well I wouldn't go that far," Cobra Commander remarked. "But I admit you two aren't at the top of the list anymore." He turned on his taser.
"Uh oh…" Zartan gulped.
"Told you we should have tried going back to Australia first!" Zandar growled. "You didn't listen to me! Nobody ever listens to me!"
"GET THEM!" Destro whooped with joy.
"AAAAAAHHH!" The Dreadnoks ran for their lives as the Cobras chased them with tasers.
"Wait! We have guns!" Buzzer stopped. "Why are we…GNNAAAAAHHH!" He yelled as the Baroness tasered him with glee.
"AAAAHHH!" The Dreadnoks ran around the hangar and then to parts of the base with the Cobras behind them. Their screams of pain could be heard throughout the compound.
That was one reason nobody noticed Zandar sneaking around the airplane the Dreadnok's arrived in. When the Dreadnoks ran he merely ducked into the airplane to hide.
"Phew…" Zandar let out a breath. "The one time I'm glad when nobody notices me."
"Grrrrrrrr….."
Zandar looked behind him and saw a huge green lizard with frills on its head the size of a donkey looking at him. "Sheesh that looks like that thing Obi Wan Kenobi rode in Revenge of the Sith," Zandar winced. "What the devil is Mindbender doing now?"
"Rrrrrr?"
"Oh no…" Zandar gulped. "Nice lizard…" He tried to pull out his weapon but the creature tackled him before he could do so.
"NO! OW! DOWN BOY! DOWN…Uh oh…" Zandar realized the truth. "You're a girl lizard aren't you? AAAH! NO! NO! BAD LIZARD! AAAH! HELP! HELP! OH WHY DIDN'T I JUST LET MYSELF GET TASERED? WHYYYY? AAAHHHH!"