Resident Idiots III

"All right…" Xamot said as he and his brother led the small group of Dreadnoks through the hallways armed with blasters. "Be prepared for anything."

"How about we be prepared for a tap dancing octopus?" Monkeywrench snorted as he readied his weapon.

"Will you take this seriously?" Tomax snapped.

"We're going off to blow up a bunch of bloody zombies like it's part of some bloody video game or 'Walking Dead' rip off," Buzzer said. "Kind of hard not to be a little flippant about this."

"Yeah what's so horrible about blowing up a bunch of out of control deadly Nano Zombies?" Ripper snorted as he readied his weapon. "Sounds like a fun weekend to me."

"This is not a video game!" Xamot snarled.

"Yeah in a video game you can turn the pointless commentary off!" Monkeywrench snorted. "You two take a chill pill."

"This is an important mission!" Tomax told them.

"No it isn't!" Ripper said.

"Hunting down Nano Zombies when there's a way to turn them off isn't a vital mission!" Buzzer groaned as he held his buzz saw.

"More likely they sent us out hoping we die on a pointless mission," Monkeywrench waved.

"WHAT?" The Twins shouted as one.

"Oh crap!" Xamot yelled.

"That is probably Destro's plan!" Tomax groaned.

"Like that never happened to us before?" Ripper snorted.

"Yeah we've been sent on hundreds of suicide missions and most of the time most of us come back," Buzzer grunted.

"Most of the time?" Tomax yelled.

"Most of you?" Xamot yelled.

"You two really don't remember Thrasher don't you?" Monkeywrench snorted.

"I thought he ran off with Zartan's then girlfriend?" Xamot asked.

"Technically he did," Buzzer said. "He just didn't run that far."

"What do you mean?" Tomax asked.

"Well let's just say she dumped him and he came crawling back so Zartan had him and us go on a 'mission' to get some weapons," Monkeywrench made quotations. "He got it all right."

"Right in the back of the head!" Ripper snorted. "His noggin blew up like a pumpkin! KABOOM!"

"Wait hang on…" Xamot began.

"Why would Zartan pretend that Thrasher is still alive and not just say he had him killed?" Tomax added.

"Oh my God do we have to spell it out for you twits?" Buzzer groaned. "Thrasher was loaded and had very little family save for a rich uncle who is blind as a bat!"

"And Zartan is an actor?" Monkeywrench added. "Who can impersonate pretty much anyone?"

"Are you saying that Zartan killed Thrasher and impersonates him…?" Xamot began.

"In order to cash in a huge check every six months. Yes!" Buzzer snapped. "Now can you connect the dots?"

"How do you think we pay for half our damn weapons and ammo?" Ripper snapped. "The bloody Tooth Fairy?"

"That mutinous mercenary is smarter than we thought," Tomax grumbled.

"Smart enough to park his ass where it's safe and let us…" Xamot looked around. "Is it me or are things…"

"Rather quiet?" Tomax finished as they looked around. They saw hotel furniture destroyed and a lot of wine spills and destruction but no signs of life.

"Way too quiet for a zombie attack," Ripper realized.

"Yeah we should have at least heard some shuffling or grunting by now," Monkeywrench looked around. "Unless these are really fast zombies. You know zombies that can move at super speeds."

"That's a vampire you twit!" Buzzer snapped. "Zombies can't move that fast!"

"The Sheila that tackled Zanzibar was pretty fast," Monkeywrench pointed out.

"Yes, but not supernaturally fast," Buzzer pointed out. "We still could have heard them coming! Zombies aren't exactly known for their stealth."

"He's right," Ripper said. "There's nobody here!"

"Where the hell are all the zombies?" Tomax asked.

"They all left when we ran out of booze and food," Cobra Commander snapped over the intercom.

"Cobra Commander?" Xamot looked up.

"I can see and hear what's going on from the control center," Cobra Commander explained. "Remember? Cameras? Microphones? All that surveillance equipment ring a bell?"

"So there aren't any nano zombies in the hotel?" Tomax asked.

"Not exactly…" Zartan winced as he saw the sight of Zanzibar still making out with the female nano zombie.

"There is one other place there are zombies in this hotel," The Baroness reminded him.

Down in Mindbender's laboratory…

"BURN ZOMBIES BURN! HA HA HA HA HA!" Torch cackled with glee as he roasted several Nano Zombies.

"UGHAHHHHHH!" Several zombies tried to flee but were burned in the back.

"BRAINS! BRAINS!" Road Pig laughed as he grabbed two zombies by the heads and smashed them together. "SMASH THOSE BRAINS! HA HA HA!"

Destro and Mindbender stood there watching the chaos. "Is it just me or do the Dreadnoks act more savage than the so called mindless zombies?" Mindbender blinked.

"It's not just you," Destro groaned.

"So…Should we do something or…?" Mindbender asked.

"I think these two have the zombie situation under control," Destro remarked as Road Pig chased another zombie with a chainsaw. "I mean I know we should make our way to the nano zombie control computer. But…"

"MUAH! HA HA HA!" Road Pig cackled as blood was spilled everywhere.

"I don't really feel like slogging my new boots through that mess," Destro said. "At least until they're finished."

"There's some tea in the break room over there," Mindbender pointed. "And I have some vodka in the fridge."

"Good idea," Destro said as he and Mindbender did an about face. "Let the boys have their fun."

Back upstairs in the control room.

"Is it just me or are those Dreadnoks doing more damage than the zombies did?" Cobra Commander remarked as they watched on the monitors.

"It's not just you," Zartan sighed.

"I guess it was too much to hope for that the nano zombies would kill them," Cobra Commander sighed. "Oh well. My own fault. Should have known better."

"So what's going on with the escaped zombies?" The Baroness asked.

"Well…." Zartan let out a breath as he turned on some other monitors.

In the city outside the casino hotel there was madness and chaos. More than usual. Zombies were invading restaurants and eating all the food. Breaking into bars and liquor stores and drinking. Several zombies were in a conga line. Others were driving wildly all over town getting into car crashes. And many more zombies were chasing people and making out with them when they caught up with them.

"Oh that might raise some suspicion with the authorities," Zartan winced.

"You think?" Cobra Commander snapped as some zombies stole a cop car for a joyride. "By the way, do we have the entire island under surveillance?"

"Apparently," Zartan remarked as one zombie at the beach was shown surfing. Other zombies were playing volleyball. "I didn't know zombies liked the beach."

"It's like the cast of Beach Blanket Bingo was dug up and brought back to life," Cobra Commander remarked as he saw some zombies in bathing suits dancing around. "And taught how to dance properly."

"Zombie Beach Party," Zandar mused. "There's a movie in that somewhere."

"Ooh! Better! Zombie Porn Beach Party!" Cobra Commander spoke up. "Make a note of that. I can bring it up at the next meeting with those porn agents."

"I think they might already be aware of it," The Baroness remarked as several zombies chased several scantily clad females on one of the screens.

"Oh great! One of the actresses just got bitten by a zombie," Cobra Commander groaned. "You know their union is just going to bitch about that!"

Meanwhile back at Mindbender's lab.

"Aw man! You didn't leave any zombies for us to destroy!" Monkeywrench complained as the other Dreadnoks and the Crimson Twins joined the others.

"You snooze you lose," Torch smirked.

"Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him well!" Donald's Road Pig's other personality quipped as he held the head of a nano zombie.

"D-do you always h-have to do that wh-whenever we rip somebody's head off?" Road Pig snapped.

"I enjoy the classics," Donald replied.

"Well I used to enjoy a clean lab," Mindbender grumbled as he made his way through with Destro to the controls.

"Who are you kidding?" Tomax spoke up.

"You've grown more batches of mold in your refrigerator!" Xamot added.

"So you took down the zombie horde without any help," Tomax remarked.

"Wasn't as much a horde as it was a group of zombies lounging around and drinking," Destro admitted. He spoke into his communicator. "Cobra Commander how is the situation topside?"

"Well the zombies are doing pretty well in the limbo contest on the beach," Cobra Commander remarked. "And some other zombies caused a fifteen car pile-up on Route Five…"

"They are running around drinking, making out with anything that moves and causing mayhem," The Baroness rolled her eyes. "Think a Dreadnok Saturday Night without the blood."

"Sounds kind of mild actually…" Destro mused. "So Mindbender what do we do?"

"Actually all we have to do is shut off the machines and without a signal the nano bots in the zombies will stop working," Mindbender explained. "With no signal the nano bots will be inactive and in a few days the living people will go back to their old selves."

"And the non-living people?" Ripper asked.

"Pretty much back to being worm chow," Mindbender shrugged.

"Well that's rather anticlimactic," Donald remarked. "Not what I expected a final zombie showdown to be."

"You know if you think about it," Torch thought aloud. "All those zombie TV shows and movies are kind of inaccurate. And racist."

"Let's just destroy this stupid machine and get this nightmare over with," Destro groaned.

"Are you out of your mind?" Cobra Commander snapped. "Don't destroy the machine! With that we have the ultimate weapon!"

"Are you out of your mind? Stupid question…" Destro groaned.

"Look I admit things are a little out of hand now but once we correct the programming and get the Nano Zombies back under our control…" Cobra Commander explained. "We'll have an army that's invincible!"

"This so called invincible army does nothing but eat all the food, get drunk and make out with anything with a pulse!" Destro snapped.

"In other words it's pretty much like our old army," Cobra Commander snapped. "Only these nano zombies won't run away at the first sign of trouble! You have to admit it's an improvement!"

"So we're keeping the zombie army? Oh God!" Destro groaned.

"And on top of it all we don't have to pay any death benefits," Cobra Commander added. "Or anything for that matter."

"You have to admit it is kind of a budget saver from a financial perspective," Xamot added.

"No back wages, no paid time off, no life insurance…" Tomax added. "That last one is for obvious reasons."

"Fine. Mindbender go fix the controls and get the Nano Zombies back here!" Destro groaned. "Zombie Spring Break is over!"

"All right let's just…" Mindbender went to the controls. "Oh dear. This doesn't look good. There's blood all over the controls."

"This is no time to be picky! I'll get you some gloves and…" Destro groaned.

"No it's not that! It's that there's a lot of blood on the controls and there's a chance it's leaked into…" Mindbender began. Just then the computer began to shudder and smoke. "That should not happen."

"Ooops. I think I g-got carried away," Road Pig apologized. "M-my b-bad."

"Okay one of two things is going to happen," Mindbender said. Then the computer shuddered and started to billow out more smoke. "All right now one of one thing is going to happen!"

"It's going to explode because there's a little blood on it?" Torch yelled.

"No, it's going to explode because there's a lot of blood filled with hyperactive out of control nanites is on it!" Mindbender yelled as he backed away and ran. "HIT THE DIRT!"

"Now who saw this coming?" Destro groaned as he and the others started to run out of the room.

KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

"Is everyone alive…?" Destro moaned when the smoke cleared.

"Unfortunately yes," Xamot remarked.

Thirty minutes later…

"Well as far as a zombie invasion went it wasn't that bad," Cobra Commander remarked as he, Zartan, Torch and Destro stood outside the trashed casino. "The casino needed some remodeling anyway."

"Well the dead bodies all over the lawn are a minor nuisance," Destro said sarcastically. "Not to mention a clue!"

"Torch…" Zartan sighed.

"I'm on it!" Torch picked up his flamethrower and went to work.

"Oh yes, that won't be suspicious!" Destro groaned.

"Not all of them were the undead!" Mindbender snapped as he walked up to them. "It's not that many! Besides most of the infected living probably won't remember anything anyway."

"Probably won't remember anything anyway?" Zartan asked.

"Probably," Mindbender shrugged.

"AAAAAAHH! I'M NOT A BLOODY ZOMBIE!" Zanzibar ran by with Torch and the other Dreadnoks on his heels. "I SWEAR! I'M NOT A ZOMBIE!"

"You know that all the nanites are deactivated now right?" Mindbender asked as they watched the chaos. "So the odds of him still being infected are pretty much nil."

"Well best to make sure," Zartan remarked casually. "Can't be too careful."

"He does have a point," Cobra Commander agreed. "Safety first."

"Oh well I suppose it wouldn't do any harm to…" Destro began when he was interrupted by a growl. "What new fresh Hell is going on now?"

Several strange leafy monsters emerged from all around them. They had red eyes and big teeth and familiar looking heads. "Are those…?" Zartan's jaw dropped.

"The sentient marijuana plants that escaped? Yes…" Mindbender gulped. "Oh my. How they grew…"

"Oh crap," Cobra Commander groaned. "I just can't catch a break!"