Toby Lord Of Dark Matter
"This is your headquarters?" Cobra Commander snapped as the Cobras emerged from the ship. They were in a long underground harbor/tunnel. "I can see why you idiots didn't want to admit it!"
"This… (pant) isn't our headquarters…" Xamot gasped as he and his brother staggered out of the ship.
"This… (gasp)…" Tomax caught his breath. "Is the secret underground harbor and tunnel that leads to our headquarters!"
"Oh well that makes sense then," Cobra Commander nodded.
"What didn't make sense is you…" Tomax gasped.
"Taking that week long detour to get here!" Xamot snapped.
"Were the water skiing parties…" Tomax snarled.
"Really necessary?" Xamot finished.
"Yes," The Baroness sniffed. "I so needed to de stress!"
"So did I," Destro smirked.
"We really did need a break didn't we?" Cobra Commander smirked behind his mask.
"I could use a break from travelling in this stupid bag!" Crystal Ball was heard from his bag as Major Bludd carried him.
"Yeah and I could use a break from your whining!" Cobra Commander snapped. "But we both know that isn't going to happen! Now shut up!"
"I see some kind of transport vehicle over there," Destro noticed. "It looks like a subway car but cleaner."
"Just get in…" Xamot grumbled as they got into the vehicle.
"Cor, I never been in a subway car this nice," Torch whistled.
"That's because you Dreadnoks have the innate ability to destroy or contaminate everything you see," Destro grimaced. "Even now your stench is starting to pollute this vehicle!"
"Sorry, that's me!" Major Bludd spoke up. "I think the Prozac filled breakfast burrito I had this morning was a mistake."
"Trust me, it was…" Zartan winced from the smell.
It wasn't long before the Cobras ended up in a spacious well-lit office building. "This isn't so bad," Buzzer said.
"It's pretty nice," Ripper agreed.
"The top floor has some apartments," Xamot said.
Tomax explained. "These are the executive offices."
"On the second to the top floor," Cobra Commander said.
"We entertain a lot," Xamot added.
"Well this may solve the problem of where we are going to sleep and work," Destro said. "However we might be a bit conspicuous if we hang out around this office. I mean this isn't exactly business casual we're wearing."
"Not really," Tomax shrugged.
"Well let's just say in order to keep our lifestyle…Under the radar," Xamot coughed.
"We've had to recruit a certain kind of employee," Tomax added.
"Morning bosses!" A young dark skinned man in black spiked armor and glasses walked up to them. "Long time no see."
"Morning Toby," Xamot said.
"Everyone this is Toby, Lord of Dark Matter," Tomax waved. "He's the head manager of this building."
"Toby Lord of Dark Matter these are our investors and backers," Xamot casually pointed to the others. "They're moving in for a while. Observing the company. Making sure it's running on course."
"This is Cobra Commander the CEO," Tomax introduced. "Destro. The Baroness. Dr. Mindbender the head of Scientific Research. And everyone else…"
"Good to meet you," Toby Lord of Dark Matter nodded. "I'm assuming you all want copies of our quarterly reports and financial statements to get an update on our current status."
"If you can get it to us by the end of the day…" Tomax began.
"Actually I can get it for you within thirty minutes," Toby Lord of Dark Matter told him. "I've been anticipating your return. And I can have a presentation ready in the main conference room within that time."
Then Toby Lord of Dark Matter called out. "Hesselhoff!"
A young man wearing brown rabbit ears on his head literally hopped over to him. He was wearing a green vest over a green shirt and brown pants which had a brown rabbit tail sewn on the back. On his feet were some kind of furry shoes that looked like he had big rabbit's feet.
"Here my lord!" He said in a chipper voice.
"Hesselhoff these are our lords and masters," Toby Lord of Darkness instructed. "This is Hesselhoff my loyal squire. Hesselhoff! I need you to prepare the Chamber of Knowledge at once for a meeting in thirty minutes!"
"The what?" Hesselhoff blinked.
"Oh right. Dark Knight Dread renamed the conference rooms again and forgot to include them in this morning's memo," Toby Lord of Darkness groaned. "It's Conference Room A."
"I thought Conference Room A was named the Chamber of Secrets?" Hesselhoff asked.
"It was," Toby Lord of Darkness. "Until this morning. Apparently Dread had to change it because the Lord of the Sixth Floor got into a tizzy because he calls his office the Chamber of Secrets."
"Oh Steve Head of Accounting," Hesselhoff groaned. "That guy's a pill."
"Tell me about it," Toby Lord of Darkness groaned. "It was just easier to change the names of our conference room. But Dread forgot to send out the memo which he promised."
"I'll inform everyone else of the changes my lord," Hesselhoff nodded. "What do you require in the Chamber of Knowledge?"
"The usual repast," Toby Lord of Darkness explained. "As well as the reports from the last fiscal quarter."
"Don't forget alcoholic drinks," Tomax said.
"Lots of them," Xamot grumbled.
"Shall I also round up the lute players my liege?" Hesselhoff asked.
"God no…" Toby Lord of Dark Matter groaned.
"Good I hate them too," Hesselhoff nodded. "I shall perform my tasks! Away!" And with that he literally hopped away.
"He's a Rabbit-kin," Tomax explained as if it was the most casual thing in the world.
"Of course he is," Cobra Commander said dryly. "And you're Toby Lord of Darkness."
"Well my full name is Tobias Henderson the Third Lord of Dark Matter," Toby Lord of Dark Matter explained. "But I thought that sounded a bit pretentious."
"I see your point," Cobra Commander quipped. "Shortening it to just Toby Lord of Dark Matter does make it a bit more casual."
"Exactly," Toby Lord of Dark Matter nodded. "I will see you in the Chamber of Knowledge in thirty minutes!" With a flourish of his cape he walked away.
"O-kay…." Zartan blinked.
"Wow…" Torch snorted. "What a bunch of loonies."
"I dunno," Monkeywrench said. "Kind of liked Toby's look. Black armor suits him."
"I don't know where or how I find people like this," Destro groaned. "But I always seem to find them!"
"Tomax, Xamot…" Cobra Commander said patiently. "What the hell kind of looney bin are you running here?"
"The employees here are LARP enthusiasts," Xamot explained.
"What?" Cobra Commander blinked.
"Live Action Role Playing," Tomax explained.
"So basically this entire company is run by nut jobs in stupid costumes?" Cobra Commander snapped.
"Really?" Destro raised an eyebrow. He then pointed to Cobra Commander and all the others. "You are going to complain about how other people are dressed around here?"
"It does seem rather a tad hypocritical for you to make that statement, Cobra Commander," The Baroness agreed.
"Says the Man in the Iron Mask and the woman in a black skin tight cat suit!" Cobra Commander snapped. "But I do see your point."
"It's not like we haven't been doing it for years," Zartan shrugged. "Decades even…"
"We used to have an accountant that dressed up in a bird costume," Buzzer pointed out. "Not exactly that different."
"There are seven levels of employees that work in this building," Tomax explained. "Level 7 are loyal Crimson Guard troopers."
"They're obviously aware," Xamot said. "And have almost unlimited access."
"Duh!" Cobra Commander snapped.
"Level 6 are Cobra employees," Tomax went on. "Level 5 are aware of Cobra and are interns for either Cobra or the Crimson Guard depending on how good they are at their jobs."
"Level 4 don't know about Cobra but they know that we are some kind of cover for a gang and honestly don't care as long as they get paid," Xamot said.
"Levels 3 and under are completely clueless," Tomax said.
"So obviously no levels under five are allowed this high up in the building," Xamot explained. "In fact most Level 3 and under employees aren't even in this building."
"We have another building in Silicon Valley where we put those people," Tomax explained.
"Is Toby Lord of Dark Matter in on this?" Cobra Commander asked casually.
"He is," Xamot explained. "He's a Crimson Guard Commander."
"It was his idea," Tomax admitted. "And it works."
"Again starting to see why you never told us about this place before," Cobra Commander grumbled.
"Let's just look on the positive side shall we?" The Baroness spoke up. "We have a new headquarters in a thriving business where we can plot and plan to gain more power and respect."
"DIE! DIE! DIE!" A group of weirdly dressed people with foam swords went by fighting each other.
"SURRENDER OUR MORNING MUFFINS!" One shouted.
"NEVER!" Another yelled. "THE MUFFINS ARE MINE! HA! HA! HA! HA!"
"ONWARD FOR OUR MUFFINS!" Another one shouted as they chased the first one.
"Respect…Yeah, right," Cobra Commander groaned.
"At least it's not a chicken restaurant," Destro sighed.