Hello! It's me again! Sorry it's been so long. Pesky muses! Anyway Coldfusion 180 decided to help me out by writing a lot of this chapter! And the next one! So enjoy!

Down In The Valley Of Geekdom

"I can't believe you're even suggesting this!" Destro shouted at Cobra Commander. "This is unthinkable!"

"We have no choice Destro," Cobra Commander said.

"Yes we do!" Destro snapped. "We have plenty of choices! And this is mine! I am not doing this ridiculous plan! No way! No how!"

Thirty minutes later…

"I can't believe we're doing this," Destro groaned as the Cobras looked around the large hotel ballroom. A large Comic-Con convention was going on.

"I can't believe you can't believe Cobra Commander would do anything for a quick buck," The Baroness gave him a look.

"Commander this is a low even for us!" Destro grumbled.

"Hey! A gig's a gig in this economy!" Cobra Commander snapped. "Besides some of this crap is worth thousands of dollars! To the tables! Or exhibits! Or whatever the hell they're called!"

"To the bar," Destro groaned as the Cobras scattered. "God I hate my life. The only upside to this nightmare is in this place I can walk around without anyone staring."

Destro then did a double take when he saw some scantily clad women in comic book costumes walk by.

"I stand corrected," Destro grinned. "I just found another upside!"

The following day…

"Success!" Cobra Commander crowned in triumph the following day. "Cobra is back in the game!'

"Thrilling," Destro deadpanned while seated at the conference table. "I'm sure the world is trembling at the news."

"As it should!" Cobra Commander declared. "Today's victory marks Cobra's first step on the road back to glory!"

"Considering Cobra has been bumbling down the Highway to Nowhere like a drunken fraternity for the past few years, any step can be hailed as progress," Destro quipped. "Scratch that. A drunken fraternity is more organized and sober than this lot!"

"Stop being such a killjoy Destro and come share in the fruits of Cobra's latest victory!" Cobra Commander snapped.

"The fruits we got from the nuts," The Baroness quipped.

"Oh joy," Destro stared at the loot covering the conference table. "Crashing the local comic-con and making off with most of the dealers' room is hardly the stuff of legend."

"It is when we set that convention on fire," Zartan pointed out. "I kind of enjoyed seeing geeks run in panic."

"As much as I enjoy arson and mayhem," Destro said. "We didn't exactly get away with valuable treasure."

"Are you kidding? Look at all the cool stuff!" Mindbender smiled gleefully. "We got hats, T-shirts, mugs, posters, action figures..."

"Dolls," The Baroness quipped.

"Those are not dolls! They're action figures!" Mindbender snapped. "With kung fu grip!"

"They're dolls with kung fu grip!" The Baroness snapped.

"God not this argument again…" Zartan rolled his eyes.

"These are action figures!" Mindbender snapped. "Action figures are not dolls! Boys don't play with dolls! They play with action figures!"

"Only because your stupid male ego is scared to admit it!" Zarana snapped.

"I played with dolls and didn't have any problems with it," Zandar shrugged.

"What a shock," Mindbender quipped. "These are action figures because they have guns and jeeps as accessories!"

"So what? Barbie has penthouses, castles," Zarana counted off. "A fleet of luxury vehicles and boats that would make a Saudi Prince jealous. Including her own airplane and space shuttle."

"A hover board," The Baroness added. "Surfboards. Skateboards. Bikes. Campers. A Hot tub. Tons of pools. A make-up salon. A vet hospital. Her own store. And enough clothes and jewelry to rival all the Queens of England!"

Zarana added. "Not to mention her menagerie. Horses. Dogs. Cats. Dolphins. A killer whale. A giraffe. A zebra. An elephant. Flying horses and unicorns."

"Star Trek Barbie has a phaser," The Baroness added. "And Superpower Barbie has her own super powers."

"She's also been a fairy with wings, a mermaid and pretty much every job on the planet," Zarana added. "Including an astronaut, a doctor, a vet, a rock star, a paleontologist, a NASCAR driver, an Air Force pilot and The President of the United States!"

"Damn," Mindbender whistled. "I gotta get my action figure to hook up with Barbie. He'd be set for life!"

"Moving on from the Dollhouse…" Cobra Commander sighed. "We have many other collectibles we can sell on the black market for thousands of dollars! Like…"

"Props," Xamot added.

"Costumes," Tomax indicated.

"All valuable collector's items that will appreciate in time," The twins said as one.

"That's what they said about Beanie Babies," Destro gave the twins a look.

"Some of them became valuable," Xamot gave Destro a look.

"Mostly the early bears granted," Tomax shrugged.

"I think Torch invested in those," Zandar said. "Has a collection of them somewhere in a storage locker someplace."

"Where are those imbecilic lunatics anyway?" Destro asked. "Not that I'm complaining. With them gone my sense of smell is coming back."

"They're playing with some of the toys we stole," Zandar grumbled. "It was just easier to give them something to play with to get them out of our hair."

"Mostly Barbie dolls," Zarana said smugly.

"They're playing Sexy Barbie Commando Squad again aren't they?" Zartan groaned.

"What?" Destro asked.

"Don't ask," Zartan and his siblings said at the same time.

"I won't," Destro sighed. "Except to continue listing the loot. Such as it is."

"I nabbed all the signed merchandise," Zartan admitted. "And some cardboard cut-outs to keep the Dreadnoks entertained."

"Once they get bored of Sexy Barbie Commando Squad," Zandar groaned. "Fortunately that won't be for a long time."

"Amateurs," The Baroness sniffed. "I picked up some videos, the best of the original fan artworks, some jewelry, some valuable Barbie dolls and a model or three."

"What kind of models?" Mindbender asked. "Castles? Tanks? Starships?"

"Males," The Baroness explained. "There were some pretty hunky ones prancing around in armor and loincloths. Good thing I still had some knockout gas and zip ties..."

"WHAT?!" Destro yelped. "Are you crazy?"

"I take it that's a rhetorical question?" Zartan quipped.

"Says the man who stole a closet-full of skimpy skin-tight cosplay costumes!" The Baroness shot back.

"Who do you think I got them for? Destro suggested sweetly.

"WHAT?!" The Baroness yelled.

"Here we go," Cobra Commander groaned. "The Baroness Conniption Fit Special right on time!"

"You sexist pig!" The Baroness fumed. "Don't think I didn't see you ogling all the bimbos in those ridiculous costumes!"

"A lot of them were very well made," Destro admitted. "Even the fat ones looked good."

"You two timing…" The Baroness fumed.

"Lucky for you Baroness that he liked the big ones," Zartan smirked.

"Shut up before I stick a doll where the sun does not shine!" The Baroness snapped at Zartan.

"Technically that could be anywhere on his body," Destro quipped.

"And yours Mr. I'm Covered Up Head to Toe In Body Armor and a Mask!" The Baroness shouted.

"Oh nice to meet you," Destro snapped. "Ms. Neurotic Oversexed Loon!"

"WHAT?" The Baroness shouted.

"Oh no, not again!" Mindbender groaned. "Whatever you two are going to do to each other save it for when the rest of us have left the room."

"And have made some bets first," Zartan smirked.

"Twenty on Destro," Tomax offered.

"Ten on the Baroness," Xamot countered.

"Twenty-five on they both kill each other at the same time!" Zarana added.

"Oooh! Can I change my bet?" Tomax asked.

"SHUT UP!" Destro and the Baroness shouted.

"Silence you idiots!" Cobra Commander yelled. "You two can kiss and kill each other later for all I care. Just keep it down and don't interrupt my reading."

"Reading?" Destro blinked in surprise. "You barely bother to read the racing forms!"

"He barely even reads the compliments he used to get in the suggestion box," The Baroness said. "And those he wrote himself!"

"The only thing I've ever seen you read are the labels on liquor bottles," Zarana quipped.

"Har, har, hardy har-har," Cobra Commander said sarcastically. "You done?"

"One more," Destro said. "You don't even read the comics because they are too upscale for you."

"Well the ones like Doonesbury I can understand," Mindbender began. "That comic has some pretty complicated topics…"

"Go play with your action figures!" The Baroness said sarcastically.

"I have to hear this," Destro groaned. "So Cobra Commander, what great literary works are you going to honor with your attention?"

"Why these of course," Cobra Commander indicated stacks of comic books on the table. "I'm completely behind! There are entire universes I haven't caught up with."

"I should have known," Destro groaned. "You still aren't fully caught up with this universe."

"It's important for Cobra to stay up-to-date on what non-video based medium appeals to the lowest common denominator," Cobra Commander said while paging through a comic book. "Plus these things have helped inspire some of my greatest ideas."

"Your greatest ideas usually revolve around alcohol," The Baroness said. "Which is frightening on so many levels."

"What?" Destro gasped. "You're saying Cobra's most infamous schemes were influenced by comic books?"

"That explains a lot," Tomax commented.

"Quite obvious really," Xamot added.

"That does kind of explain a lot of things we've done over the years," Zandar admitted.

"And a lot of outfits Cobra Commander has worn over the years," Zarana added.

"Now we know," Zartan said. "And knowing is..."

"The same as 'complete failure' when it relates to Cobra," Destro stared at Cobra Commander. "No wonder your plans have failed so much over the years. Do you think our lives are just an extension of some silly, pointless series of comic books?"

"Well now that you mention it..." Mindbender paused in thought.

"Again," Zandar nodded. "Explains so much…"

"Stop complaining, Destro. At least I've bothered to have ideas," Cobra Commander waved. "All of which would have succeeded if it hadn't been for our own troops' stupidity!"

"None of our troops' ideas are stupider than the stuff you have come up with," Zartan snapped.

Just then the room's monitor came to life. "Welcome back to everyone's favorite terrorist program: Cobra Persona!" Vapor called out cheerfully. Zero was behind him waving happily.

"You were saying?" Cobra Commander gave Zartan a look.

"Never mind," Zartan shrugged.