Coldfusion 180 decided to help me out by writing a lot of this chapter too! So enjoy!

Cobra Commander stormed out. "When will you people learn to stop giving this woman ideas?"

Cobra Persona: Scrap-Iron

"Why haven't we shot these idiots by now?" Cobra Commander groaned as Vapor and Zero were on the large screen in the conference room. "Preferably out of a cannon! Seriously? Why?"

"I believe the cannon is broken," Destro said in deadpan drawl.

"So we just can't make or steal a new one?" Cobra Commander snapped.

"Despite brain damage and bullet wounds we're back on the air," Vapor said cheerfully on screen. "Equipped with a brand new camera, brand new studio and brand new guest!"

"Too bad they still have the same old idiots," The Baroness snapped.

"Yeah, the ones who keep watching this stupid show," Mindbender groaned.

"That would be us you simpleton!" Destro snapped.

"Oh right," Mindbender blinked.

"You have morons on your payroll," Destro said to Cobra Commander.

"Only been saying that for decades!" Cobra Commander threw up his hands.

"We apologize for the long stretch since our last show," Vapor said.

"Yes it should have been longer," Destro remarked.

"But skin grafts and tissue regenerators only work so fast." Vapor went on.

"Too fast in this case," Zarana grumbled.

"I thought I told you to keep them away from that kind of equipment," Cobra Commander glared.

"I did. They made their own," Mindbender sighed.

"Next time let them hook themselves up to your machines," The Baroness said. "Then toss the whole lot of them off a cliff!"

"We ran into our guest as the last of the painkillers wore off," Zero continued. "Let's have a big welcome back for out very own Scrap-Iron!"

"What?" Destro stared at the man on-screen wearing a combat helmet, red vest and goggles. "When did Scrap-Iron come back?"

"I never knew he left," Tomax said.

"I completely forgot about him," Xamot admitted. "Not that I ever really remembered him..."

"We had someone named Scrap Iron?" Zandar blinked. "And I thought people forgot about me!"

"What is with all our old associates showing up after all this time?" Cobra Commander demanded. "Is there a Cobra Reunion coming up or something?"

"I hope not," The Baroness snapped. "I can barely stand the ones we have here!"

"Let's get started," Vapor smiled turning towards Scrap-Iron. "So, what's your real name?"

"How much is it worth to you?" Scrap-Iron asked.

"Huh?" Zero blinked. "Do you expect us to pay you?"

"You will if you want to know my real name," Scrap-Iron stated.

"Okay, how much will it take?" Vapor took out his wallet.

"How much do you have?" Scrap-Iron grinned.

"Uh, never mind. We'll come back to that later," Vapor waved. "For those who don't know Scrap-Iron is Cobra's anti-armor specialist."

"That means he's the expert at blowing stuff up," Zero smiled.

"Like we need any more of those around here," Destro groaned. "Who isn't an expert in blowing stuff up around here?"

"That's not exactly true," Scrap-Iron corrected. "I specialize in defeating armored targets. That means finding the best way to bypass, neutralize or eliminate their hardened layers of defense."

"In other words, blowing stuff up," Zero insisted.

"Well, sometimes," Scrap-Iron allowed. "Exploding is only one of the many ways to defeat armor. There is also penetrating, shattering, corroding and melting."

"I can feel my brain armor melting from having to watch this," The Baroness groaned.

"What's left of it," Zartan muttered.

"Scrap-Iron is also the lead product designer for Destro's armaments company," Vapor continued. "Or what was Destro's armaments company."

"Don't remind me," Destro groaned.

"Well, not exactly," Scrap-Iron admitted. "I originally started out as a janitor. One day we learned Cobra Commander's favorite laser pistol had been tossed into a industrial-grade trash compactor and everyone was trying to get it out."

"WHAT?" Cobra Commander yelled. "That pistol went missing over thirty years ago! I thought you said it had been stolen by G.I. Joe!"

"Uh, no. That was your other favorite laser pistol," Tomax coughed nervously.

"The gold-plated one," Xamot whistled. "They must be talking about the silver-plated one."

"Didn't he lose that pistol right after his shooting spree during the monthly Cobra budget meeting?" Mindbender winced rubbing his side.

"No, he was just drunk," Destro corrected.

"And mad because I lost my favorite pistol!" Cobra Commander bristled.

"Oh so the other pistol was the shooting spree?" Mindbender asked.

"No that one he was just drunk again after losing to GI Joe," Destro told him.

"I was the one who came up with a way to blow through the steel side of the trash compactor," Scrap-Iron continued. "All I used was some Windex, a cardboard paper towel tube and this ugly, platinum-coated, Medusa-headed paperweight that had been tossed into my trash bag."

"MY PAPERWEIGHT!" Cobra Commander screeched. "I'VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR THAT!"

"Really?" The Baroness whistled innocently. "Who knew?"

"I didn't know you liked Medusa, Cobra Commander," Mindbender commented.

"It wasn't Medusa. It was a sculpture of his head," Destro corrected.

"SHUT UP!" Cobra Commander screamed.

"Yuck! Glad I never saw it," Zartan winced.

"I wish I could say the same," Destro moaned.

"AGAIN! SHUT UP!" Cobra Commander shouted.

"Wow, that's impressive," Zero blinked at Scrap-Iron's story.

"Not really. Took two minutes tops," Scrap-Iron shrugged. "Though I did get a nice gold-plated laser pistol out of it."

"WHAT?!" Cobra Commander shrieked.

"Uh oh," The Crimson Twins begin to gulp nervously.

"After that, Destro hired me to be a product tester," Scrap-Iron went on. "He would give me an armor sample and I would test it to destruction. Along with most of the testing facility."

"That explains all the repair bills you used to submit every year," Mindbender recalled.

"Don't remind me," Destro held his head. "And I thought the Dreadnoks made a mess."

"I guess I'm not the only one with morons on my payroll," Cobra Commander smirked.

"Interesting," Vapor commented. "So you'd test to find the best ways to destroy the armor of Cobra's adversaries?"

"No. Usually it was samples of Cobra's own armor," Scrap-Iron said. "Like the type protecting Cobra Commander's personal tank, personal quarters, personal helmet..."

"Oh really?" Cobra Commander gave Destro a look. "I never knew about this!"

"Uh," Destro fidgeted.

"Ah, so you could determine the best armor in which to protect Cobra Commander," Zero concluded.

"I guess so," Scrap-Iron shrugged.

"See?" Destro sighed.

"Though I always submitted a report on the ways to penetrate the different armors," Scrap-Iron added. "And Cobra Commander always happened to survive a terrible, horrible accidental armor failure soon after."

"Oh really?" Cobra Commander glared at Destro.

"Just a coincidence," Destro coughed. "You know how things happen."

"Yeah right," The Baroness smirked.

"Were you ever blamed for the accidents?" Vapor asked.

"No. The Baroness was the one who always insisted on supervising the installations of the armor," Scrap-Iron said.

"Uh oh," The Baroness gulped. "Uh…Coincidence?"

"Yeah right!" Destro snapped.

"Eventually I became a product designer in charge of carrying out initial field testing on all new armor piercing munitions and sub-munitions," Scrap-Iron concluded.

"And your particular area of specialization is remote-launched, laser-guided, rocket-propelled, piezo-electric fused anti-tank weapons," Vapor read from his notes.

"Wow, that description is even longer than the weapon," Zero blinked.

"It's longer than a lot of things," Tomax quipped. "Zero's IQ for instance."

"Or his life expectancy," Xamot added.

"These weapons are categorized beyond the 'smart' stage and are known by the nomenclature: 'brilliant'," Vapor ended.

"At least there's something brilliant associated with Cobra," Zartan grumbled. "Obviously leadership is not one of them!"

"Look who's talking," The Baroness snapped. "You couldn't lead a T-ball team!"

"A T-ball team of sloths would be brilliant compared to the Dreadnoks," Destro remarked. "And smell better too."

"Oh yes let's go there about leadership and brilliance," Zartan snarled.

"I wish you people would just go period," Cobra Commander grumbled.

"Scrap-Iron also invented Cobra's legions of Battle Android Troopers or B.A.T.s," Zero added.

"If only we still have some to use against this stupid show," Mindbender groaned.

"That also explains why they were always breaking apart," Zarana groaned.

"Well, that's it for your background," Vapor tossed aside his notes. "So what have you been up to since Cobra broke up a few years ago?"

"Actually I never left," Scrap-Iron admitted. "I was doing research at one of our secret bases during the whole Mongoose mess. I got out before the Joes raided it and have been moving from place to place ever since."

"Sometimes it's worth being forgotten," Zandar quipped.

"I know who I'd like to forget around here," The Baroness glared.

"Huh, that's nice. But how did you eventually know to come here?" Zero asked.

"I read the address on my paycheck," Scrap-Iron said.

"Wait, he's been getting paid all this time?" Cobra Commander yelped.

"How has he been paid all this time?" Mindbender snapped. "Seriously my bank account statement is a joke."

"You're whole life is a joke!" What about me?!" Cobra Commander snapped. "What about my paycheck?"

"You're the head of Cobra. Aren't you the one responsible for paying yourself?" Destro gave him a look.

"Yes! No! I mean, it wasn't my fault!" Cobra Commander fumbled. "I know it's somebody's fault. Just not me! Men will suffer for this!"

"I've heard that song before," Zartan quipped. "Newsflash, we're already suffering!"

"Well, we're glad you're here," Vapor smiled on screen. "And now Scrap-Iron is going give Cobra Persona an exclusive by demonstrating his latest anti-tank weapon system: Prunella!"

"Prunella?" Zero blinked.

"Yes, the bean-counters like to give weapon systems dull, boring names but I prefer a more personal touch," Scrap-Iron shrugged.

"Oh geeze," Destro groaned. "And I thought Cobra Commander was too close to his weapons."

"Prunella is the latest in portable, rocket-propelled, anti-armor technology," Scrap-Iron explained. "The key is her armor-piercing monomolecular edged warhead vibrating at ludicrous-speeds, thus enabling her to penetrate any known and unknown armored substance like a hot knife through butter."

"Wow, that's totally awesome!" Zero peeked at the weapon. "What's this button do?"

"No! Don't...!" Scrap-Iron yelled pointing the weapon straight up.

KA-BOOOOOOM!

CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! CRASH!

"Uh, is that coming from below us?" Mindbender gulped.

"I'm afraid so…" Destro sighed.

SMASH!

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" The Cobras screamed as the warhead tore up through the floor before ripping into the ceiling.

CRASH!

"Ohhh," Destro groaned lying next to the broken conference table.

"That's gonna leave a mark," Zartan winced.

"That's going to leave several marks!" Zarana groaned.

"Looks like the repair bills are gonna shoot up again," The Baroness moaned. "Some things never change."

"Ugggh," Vapor and Zero appeared on screen under a pile of growing rubble. "That demo concludes this portion of Cobra Persona. We're gonna take a nap-nap now. Oooooo..." They both blinked before passing out.

"For once those idiots' dumb program did not end in a shootout," Destro groaned. "I wish it had."

"Still might," Zartan grunted. "Just give me minute to find my gun!"

"My costumes!" Tomax yelled at the destroyed room.

"My props!" Xamot shouted.

"My models!" The Baroness looked through the huge hole in the floor. "I didn't even get to try them out first!"

"Well looks like some good finally came out of the show after all," Zartan quipped.

"What are you talking about," Destro gasped. "Nothing good resulted from that stupid show!"

"MY COMIC BOOKS!" Cobra Commander shrieked under a pile of rubble. "AAARRRGGGHHHHHH! THIS IS INTOLERABLE! MEN WILL SUFFER FOR THIS!"

"Ah, I see what you mean," Destro smiled. "Should we get him out?"

"After a coffee break," Zartan smirked.

"Not me," The Baroness grumbled. "I gotta go track down my models after their prison break!" She stormed off.

"WILL YOU IDIOTS GET ME OUT OF HERE?" Cobra Commander shouted as everyone else left. "AT THE VERY LEAST GIVE ME A DAMN COMIC BOOK TO READ WHILE I WAIT!"