New Base Same Old Problems…
"So why did we have to move?" Torch asked as he put a box down in a large room. Ripper. Buzzer and Monkeywrench were carrying boxes as well.
"Well Torch," Zartan sighed as he worked on a computer in the room. "When a large warhead blows up half your base including the roof it's usually a good time to find a new place to live."
"We've blown up our roof several times," Ripper said as he brought in another box. "Didn't move then."
"Yes but our old hideout was in a swamp," Zartan explained. "Not in the middle of Silicon Valley where everyone could see it!"
"But we're still in Silicon Valley," Torch was confused.
"Yes, but in a nicer neighborhood," Destro said as he walked in with the Baroness and Mindbender. "Fortunately Silicon Valley has ample empty office spaces."
"But none of them have secret underground tunnels connected to the ocean and stuff," Monkey Wrench snapped.
"You'd be surprised," Mindbender shrugged.
"Seriously?" Buzzer did a double take.
"This building once belonged to Steve Jobs a long time ago," Mindbender explained. "Apparently, he liked to duck out of meetings and go surfing."
"So you're saying by a stroke of extraordinary coincidence…" Torch blinked. "This hideout is exactly the same as our old one?"
"Not exactly," Mindbender shrugged. "This place was built better than our old one!"
"And it has more office space," The Baroness grinned. "Dibs on the corner office."
"Which one?" Destro asked. "There are plenty of them!"
"You think that's impressive you should see my new lab," Mindbender said. "This place is nice."
"And to make sure the whole mess of our last building wasn't a complete and total loss," Destro added. "I made the call for Cobra to claim responsibility for the attack on our old base."
"Good call," The Baroness nodded.
"Wait hang on," Torch spoke up. "I'm confused."
"Stop the presses," The Baroness quipped.
"Why would Cobra claim responsibility on an attack on our own base?" Torch asked.
"To throw the authorities off our trail obviously!" The Baroness snapped.
"It sounds much better for this company to say that a random company was attacked by Cobra because it used to be a Cobra base and they had no clue rather than they were an actual Cobra base that blew itself up!" Destro explained.
Zartan added. "Not to mention it gives us more street cred than blowing up a comic-con."
"Technically we only set it on fire," Mindbender pointed out.
"Didn't we take responsibility on that too?" Buzzer asked.
"Yes we did," Destro waved. "I told our guy to put a spin on it, saying that the comic-con attack was just a diversion for the real attack on the old base."
"What guy?" Ripper asked.
"Our mole in the CIA's anti-terrorism unit," Destro explained.
"We have a mole in the CIA's anti-terrorism unit?" Monkeywrench gasped.
"We've had several moles in the CIA, FBI and Homeland Security for decades!" The Baroness snapped. "How do you think Cobra has evaded capture and detection all these years?"
"That does explain a lot," Buzzer said to the other Dreadnoks.
"And Toby Lord of Dark Matter has a few guys of his own on the payroll of the Twins," Mindbender said. "Including the media. They're gonna spin it so our company looks like an innocent victim of a remarkable coincidence."
"That Lord Toby is one alright bloke," Torch nodded. "Shame he didn't go to Comic Con with us."
"Who do you think set the fire?" Toby Lord of Dark Matter gave them a look when he walked in. "I warned them that they would rue the day they banned me from their convention!"
"What…?" The Baroness began.
"Don't ask," Destro groaned. "So I'm guessing everything went smoothly?"
"Yes," Toby Lord of Dark Matter nodded. "I called the necessary people. Oh Major Bludd is back in the hospital."
"I was not aware that he ever left," Destro remarked.
"He was about to leave the infirmary when the whole incident happened," Toby Lord of Dark Matter coughed. "Roof caved in on him. He's in a body cast now."
"Lord that bloke would have been better off just shot years ago," Buzzer remarked.
"We all would have been better off if a lot of people in this organization were shot years ago," The Baroness grumbled. "And I am referring specifically to Vapor, Zero and Scrap Iron!"
"Don't worry," Destro waved. "I told them to flee the city and meet us at our base in Buffalo, New York."
"We don't have a base in Buffalo, New York," Toby Lord of Dark Matter told Destro.
"I know," Destro smirked. "And since winter is coming…"
"Let those idiots stumble around looking for a base that doesn't exist," The Baroness smirked. "Maybe we will get lucky and they will freeze to death?"
"Something tells me we won't be that lucky," Destro sighed. "At least we're all moved in."
"Not like we had that much to move in the first place," The Baroness groaned.
Zartan agreed. "More than half the loot we stole was destroyed!"
"We still have our Barbies," Monkeywrench told them.
"Huzzah," Destro said in a deadpanned voice.
"And I have all my Dr. Triclopso merchandise," Mindbender added.
"Is that that TV show villain that looks exactly like you?" Ripper asked. "Only he has a third eyeball?"
"That's right," Mindbender nodded. "I really started to get into the whole Penelope Pearltail series once I learned that Dr. Triclopso used to be a dentist like I was."
"Who the hell is Penelope Pearltail?" Zartan asked.
"It's a television show that originated in Great Britain," Destro explained. "Think a female Dr. Who that's a mermaid and no Daleks."
"Plus she doesn't have that stupid regeneration thing that's basically the writers' excuse to change the actor and character any time they want," Ripper added.
"It's not stupid!" Torch snapped. "A Time Lord…"
"No! No! NO!" Zartan shouted. "We are not having this argument again! We just moved from a building with a blown-up roof! I don't want to repeat the experience! At least this soon!"
"That's one of the ways the roof back at our base got blown up," Monkeywrench explained.
"I gathered that," Destro groaned. "Can we at least keep this base's roof on for a few weeks? I don't want Cobra Commander to have another hissy fit."
"Where is Cobra Commander?" Mindbender looked around. "I haven't seen him since the roof collapse."
"You didn't dig him out?" Torch asked.
"I thought you and the Dreadnoks were supposed to do it?" Destro asked.
"We thought you did it!" Zartan asked.
"Well I didn't…" Destro began. "Uh oh…"
Meanwhile back at the old base…
"SOMEBODY GET ME OUT OF HERE!" Cobra Commander screamed from underneath the rubble. "I HAVEN'T HAD A DRINK IN NEARLY A DAY! SERIOUSLY! WHO DO I HAVE TO KILL AROUND HERE TO GET A SCOTCH?"