This chapter was co-written by ColdFusion 180! Thanks buddy!
Cobra Persona: Torch
"Where are we now?" Destro asked with a sigh as the Cobra spaceship zoomed into another dimension.
"We're back in our own dimension," Mindbender told him.
"Are you sure?" Cobra Commander asked.
"Definitely," Crystal Ball remarked. "We're back."
"I didn't ask you Cue Ball!" Cobra Commander snapped. "I was talking to the other cue ball!"
Mindbender looked at the instruments. "Huh. And we've only been gone five minutes from this dimension."
"Five minutes?" Zartan shouted. "How is that possible?"
"Feels more like five months," Zarana agreed. "Or longer."
"Oh, you know," Mindbender waved. "Time. Space. Lightspeed. Dimensional distortion."
"You don't have a clue either do you?" Crystal Ball smirked.
"Shut up!" Mindbender snapped.
"Who cares anyway?" Cobra Commander snapped. "We're back and that's all that matters. We shall never speak of the trip from Sliders Hell again. If I never go into another dimension it will be too soon!"
"Where on our Earth are we?" The Baroness asked. "If this is our Earth."
"I'm pretty sure this is our Earth!" Mindbender snapped.
"Pretty sure?" Zartan asked.
"That fills me with confidence," Tiffany grumbled.
"Let's hear it for our science guy," Zandar groaned.
"I'm as sure as I can be!" Mindbender studied the latest readouts. "Though it would help if we knew what number and quantum frequency our original dimension was."
"No, ya think?" Zartan snapped.
"Give Mindbender a break," Zarana said. "Considering we didn't get this spaceship from our original dimension…"
"This certainly looks like our dimension," Tomax commented glancing out a window. "It looks like the American Midwest actually."
"How can you tell that?" The Baroness asked.
Tomax pointed. "We just passed a McDonald's, a Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Taco Bell. Across from a Wal-Mart."
"That's a good sign all right," Ripper nodded.
"And there appears to be some kind of heavy armed convoy traveling below us," Xamot noted.
Tiffany and Ripper started to sing. "We got a great big convoy…Rockin' through the night!"
"SHUT UP!" Destro bellowed.
"We got a great big convoy…" Buzzer added.
"Ain't she a beautiful sight?" Torch added.
"What part of shut up do you not comprehend?" Destro snapped. "The Up or the Shut?"
"Can they see us?" The Baroness asked.
"Nope. I activated the ship's cloaking device the second we appeared here," Mindbender reported "Although they could probably hear us due to the Dreadnok's caterwauling."
"Great. Then let's test out some of the ship's weapons by raiding that convoy down there," Cobra Commander declared. "Maybe we'll get lucky and they'll be carrying a full load booze?"
"Why the hell would an armed American military convoy be carrying alcohol?" Destro asked.
"Maybe they need it to protect it from Shipwreck?" Zartan quipped.
"It could be a year's supply for the Pit," Cobra Commander mused. "Although with that group it's more like a few weeks."
"You're one to talk," Destro remarked. "We're probably nowhere near the Pit! And even if we were, I highly doubt they are transporting something as moronic as alcohol!"
"Never call alcohol moronic!" Cobra Commander snapped.
"Yeah reserve that for the blokes who drink it!" Monkeywrench called out.
"Right!" Cobra Commander nodded. "Wait a minute…"
"Burn…" Crystal Ball snickered.
"Just because you can't drink anymore…" Cobra Commander glared at Crystal Ball.
"Don't we already have a ton of wine packed into the cargo hold of the second spaceship?" The Baroness gave Cobra Commander a look.
"What's your point?" Cobra Commander shot back. "You can never have too much booze!"
"Unless you drown in it," Zartan quipped. "You should try doing that sometime."
"That happened to my Uncle Ted," Torch remarked. "He drowned in a giant vat of moonshine during the First Annual Moonshine Diving Competition. See when he dove into the water he started drinking and forgot to hold his breath…"
"Sounds like a common problem at events like those," Crystal Ball remarked.
"No kidding," Torch remarked. "Out of 35 contestants only 9 survived. Those that didn't drown got either alcohol poisoning or got killed in the parking lot when they tried to drive home."
"He talks and talks and says nothing," Cobra Commander groaned. "I swear the goat makes more sense than he does!"
"Needless to say, it was also the last annual moonshine diving competition," Torch added. "Well, legally."
"Torch there are some donuts in the back," Zartan sighed.
"Donuts!" Torch perked up and ran off the bridge.
Zandar looked at the other Dreadnoks. "You lot did leave other donuts back there, right?"
"We are aware of the Torch Protocol," Buzzer said. "Yeah."
"Good now let's destroy that convoy and steal the alcohol!" Cobra Commander snapped. "Not necessarily in that order mind you…"
"While your enthusiasm for causing mayhem and destruction is as predictable as ever," Destro addressed Cobra Commander. "Perhaps attacking a heavy armed convoy that we know little about would not be the wisest target in which to test the ship's weapons?"
"As if a lack of wisdom has ever stopped Cobra Commander before," The Baroness muttered.
"What was that?" Cobra Commander glared at her.
Before the Baroness could reply, Ripper spoke up. "She said you didn't have much wisdom before."
"Thank you, Ripper," The Baroness glared at him. "Would you like a nice tour of the airlock?"
"As much as I hate to cut short the Baroness' embarrassment," Zartan spoke up. "And hate even more agreeing with Destro…He has a point."
"Besides, this ship doesn't even have weapons," Tomax reminded.
"Except for the handheld ones we have," Xamot pointed out. "Remember the civilization we stole it from didn't believe in violence.
"Well I do!" Cobra Commander declared. "And I say we raid the convoy!"
"Can't that wait until after I do a system upgrade or something?" Mindbender asked.
"NO!" Cobra Commander snapped. "By the time we do that the convoy will be gone! Don't we have any bombs or anything?"
"I think we used them all," Zandar remarked.
"We don't need them anyway," Cobra Commander waved. "We can make do with what we have."
"Make do?" Destro remarked. "Cobra Commander, you make do with leftovers. Not an attack on a heavily armed convoy with an unknown enemy!"
"Oh boy, us armed with a bunch of handheld weapons vs. a convoy guarded with lasers, machine guns and missiles," Zartan glared. "Gee, I wonder how that would turn out?"
"I ain't Sun Tzu," Buzzer remarked. "But even I know that's not a real military tactic!"
"For once I agree with you," The Baroness sniffed. "I didn't survive the interdimensional trip from Hades just to be blown out of the sky during a suicide run."
"Wait a minute," Tiffany said. "This ship does have weapons! Remember? We blew up some giant seagulls and that giant moose…"
"She's right," The Baroness realized. "How did we forget that?"
"Besides the copious amounts of alcohol and pain pills we've been downing ever since we started this trip?" Destro asked. "I know I want to forget as much of that disaster as possible!"
"We have been hitting the sauce a little harder than usual," Ripper admitted.
"HA! I WAS RIGHT!" Cobra Commander snapped. "Told you we had weapons!"
"Yes, but they got wrecked during the last dimensional shift and I haven't fixed them yet," Mindbender sighed. "Well I tried but I think they got disconnected."
"Maybe if someone wasn't weaving side to side like they were driving a bumper car…?" Xamot looked at Cobra Commander.
"Or drunk at the helm when he insisted on taking a turn to pilot the ship," Tomax added.
"I drive better when I drink!" Cobra Commander snapped.
"That's what a lot of dead guys on the highway say," Buzzer remarked. "Before they bit it."
"Remind me to never get into a car with you!" The Baroness groaned.
"So, an attack on the convoy is inadvisable at this time," Destro remarked.
"I wouldn't do it, no," Mindbender shook his head.
"Yeah, for all we know that convoy could be under the protection of G.I. Joe," Buzzer added.
"Oh please. As if the Joes would ever be stuck guarding a dozen truckloads of alcohol," Cobra Commander snorted. "What are the chances of that?"
"Probably the same as us suddenly returning to our own dimension through sheer random chance," Destro sighed.
"In that chance, you should consider playing the lottery, Destro," Crystal Ball spoke up. "We have returned to our own dimension. Which we just told you not even ten minutes ago!"
"Really?" Zartan blinked. "Huh, looks like Mindbender finally beat the odds and did something useful."
"Yeah!" Mindbender beamed proudly. "Wait a second…hey!"
"See! We're back! And with an advanced spaceship. Let's hit the convoy and test our new weapons out!" Cobra Commander shouted.
"This isn't a test drive you take a car dealership!" Destro snapped. "This is an actual spaceship whose technology we don't fully understand!"
"I don't understand how a car works but I can drive one!" Cobra Commander snapped.
"You can?" The Baroness asked.
"Boy I'd have loved to watch that driver's test!" Ripper remarked.
"Don't you have to be sober to drive a car?" Tiffany asked. "When was the last time you were?"
"SHUT UP!" Cobra Commander snapped. "Stop sniping and attack the convoy!"
"Yeah let's attack the convoy," Crystal Ball spoke up. "It'll be fun!"
"Exactly!" Cobra Commander agreed. "At least one of you has some spirit around here!"
"That's because he is a spirit!" Destro snapped.
"Come on guys," Crystal Ball said. "Let's stop attacking Cobra Commander and attack the convoy!"
"Hold on," Tomax gave Crystal Ball a look. "How do we know this is really our dimension?"
"Why are you agreeing with Cobra Commander?" Zarana realized. "That smells fishy. And for once I'm not talking about the Dreadnoks' body odor!"
"Even we think something stinks," Monkeywrench agreed.
"Yes, you could be goading us into attacking this convoy so they can destroy the ship and free you from your prison," Xamot pointed out. "Leaving you free to use your mystic powers to return to our real dimension without the rest of us."
"Would I do something like that?" Crystal Ball asked innocently.
"Oh yeah," Buzzer said.
"Definitely," Monkeywrench added.
"Yup," Ripper added.
"He would," The Baroness groaned.
"Aggghhh! I should have known you'd try to trick us you overgrown gumball!" Cobra Commander snapped pacing about the bridge. "There must be some way to know whether we're back in our own dimension or not!"
Suddenly the ship's large viewscreen snapped to life. "Goooooooood morning, Cobra!" A familiar voice boomed over the speakers. "Okay, it's not really morning, but when you're stuck living underground, who can tell?"
"Oh no," Destro moaned as the image of Vapor and Zero appeared on the screen. "Not again!"
"You had to say that, didn't you?" Zartan gave Cobra Commander a look.
"Okay, maybe this wasn't one Crystal Ball's tricks," Cobra Commander groaned. "Unfortunately."
"Oh, it was," Crystal Ball said. "I really did want you idiots to be blown away and for me to escape. I just wasn't lying when I said this was our dimension."
"Welcome once again to another grand production of Cobra Persona!" Vapor's smiling image beamed in high definition. "The show that just won't die no matter how hard you try!"
"And we've tried," Tomax sighed.
"Boy have we tried," Xamot moaned.
"God, I wish this wasn't our dimension," Zandar moaned.
"Of all the times for me to be right," Mindbender sighed.
"How did they know to direct their stupid show to the ship?" The Baroness was stunned. "We just got back to this dimension two seconds ago!"
"Uh, they're actually broadcasting on a secret Cobra frequency," Mindbender coughed. "I programmed it into the ship just in case there were any lost remains of Cobra out there."
"Yeah as soon as we heard the ping, we found you!" Vapor explained.
"If you can hear us then you should obey orders!" Cobra Commander snapped. "Cease your prattling and tell us where you are!"
"We're still here on this quiet, forgotten base in Greenland," Zero reported. "Which isn't so quiet or forgotten anymore."
"Yeah, ever since our last show people have been turning up here like bad pennies," Vapor grinned. "It's like we got suddenly popular or something."
"Those idiots are popular?" Cobra Commander was stunned. "How is that possible?"
"Maybe the fact they broadcast that they are living like kings in a secret base loaded with food, service robots and cash had something to do with it?" Destro drawled.
"Why do you think we are heading there?" Zartan reminded him.
"Oh right," Cobra Commander blinked.
"It seems like folks have been showing up all the time," Zero continued. "The base has become so crowded we've even had to start turning people away."
"Like that shifty guy who claimed he was a personal representative of the President of the United States," Vapor waved. "He even made a crazy offer to buy the place for a few million bucks and a handful of hotel coupons. Talk about nuts!"
"Look who's talking," The Baroness grumbled.
"Wait how much did he offer?" Cobra Commander did a double take. "Do you have his business card or something?"
"Commander, focus," Destro sighed.
"I tell ya this place is really happening!" Zero continued. "It seems like every classic member of Cobra has found their way here to stay. Firefly, Scrap-Iron, Copperhead, Wild Weasel."
"Even Major Bludd is recovering nicely in our brand-new medical wing," Vapor smiled. "Forgot there were Arctic Wolves out there. In hindsight sending the guy out to do some barbecuing was not a good idea."
"WHAT?!" Cobra Commander yelped. "I don't believe it! How dare those louts enjoy the comforts of Cobra before me!"
"Don't you mean before us?" Mindbender scratched his bald head.
"Do you really have to ask?" The Baroness gave him a look.
"Yeah it's me stupid!" Cobra Commander snapped.
"Such a gathering of Cobras certainly hasn't happened in a while," Zero went on. "Decades actually."
"Gee, I wonder why?" Zartan rolled his eyes.
Monkeywrench held up his hand. "Is it because we're about as organized as a drunken Boy Scout troop with a drunken lunatic for a scout leader?"
"That's pretty much on the nose, Monkeywrench," Destro sighed.
"And what better way to celebrate than to put on another episode of our show?" Vapor beamed.
"I can think of about two thousand better ways to celebrate," Tomax snorted.
"Starting with Vapor and Zero's funerals," Xamot muttered.
"Now that's a show I'd love to see," The Baroness readied her gun. "I'll start production on it right away once we finally get to Greenland."
"I'd like to co-sponsor that production with you, if you don't mind," Destro remarked.
"We don't have time for this nonsense!" Cobra Commander screamed. "There's a convoy below us just ripe for the attack!"
"Yes, we have other nonsense to do today," Destro remarked.
"Oh, come on Commander!" Zero said. "We work really hard on these shows!"
"These shows indicate some kind of effort on your part?" Cobra Commander snapped.
"Maybe you could slack off a little for once?" Zarana asked.
"Told you we were back in our dimension," Crystal Ball quipped.
"SHUT UP!" Cobra Commander screamed. The instruments around the spaceship started to flicker. "What the hell is happening now?"
"Our shields are down!" Mindbender gasped. "Oh no! Our cloaking device is off! They can see us!"
"WHAT?" Cobra Commander screamed. "TURN IT BACK ON! TURN IT BACK ON!"
"GET US OUT OF HERE BEFORE WE GET BLOWN TO KINGDOM COME!" Destro shouted.
"Whoops! Sorry about that," Vapor remarked. "We were just fiddling about with your systems so you wouldn't shut us off. There you go. Your cloaking device should work now."
"Cloaking device back on," Mindbender checked the instruments. "How did they do that?"
"This from our head scientist," Zandar groaned.
"Wait, we're moving away from the convoy!" Cobra Commander screamed. "What is happening?"
"We're taking you out of the range of fire," Vapor said. "We're moving your ship by remote control."
"How are you doing that?" Mindbender shouted.
"Again, head scientist," Zandar sighed. "Give it up for Mindbender."
"I'd love to give up Mindbender," The Baroness remarked. "To the nearest loony bin."
"Why are you taking us away from the convoy?" Cobra Commander snapped.
"To help you," Vapor told him. "Duh!"
"We kind of noticed you guys don't have any weapons systems," Zero remarked. "Well you do but they're disconnected."
"Told you," Mindbender remarked.
"You guys were so going to get blown out of the sky," Crystal Ball snickered.
"SO WERE YOU!" Cobra Commander screamed.
"Already dead! Duh!" Crystal Ball rolled his eyes. "Wouldn't affect me."
"For once those morons' timing is impeccable," Destro sighed a breath of relief. "Perhaps this show isn't completely without merit after all?"
"We were kind of stuck on who to highlight for this show," Zero admitted. "Until an unexpected opportunity literally fell into our laps. Every say hello to today's very special guest: Torch!"
"WHAT?!" All the Cobras yelled.
"I spoke too soon," Destro moaned.
"G'day, mates!" An image of Torch appeared on screen. "The name's Torch and I'm here to tell you all about me!"
"How the heck is this possible?!" Cobra Commander screamed. "That idiot went off to snarf some doughnuts not even five minutes ago!"
"You called?" Torch walked in carrying a box of donuts. "Hey! That's me!"
"NOOOO!" Cobra Commander said sarcastically. "I thought it was Hugh Jackman!"
"Unfortunately, we weren't able to get the real Torch to appear here today," Vapor announced. "This is just a recording. Somebody mailed a taped interview of Torch to us and we decided to edit it into our show!"
"Oh good Glengoolie, we're watching a show of a recording!" Destro moaned. "This is a new low even for us!"
"And that's saying something," The Baroness agreed. "So much for hard work."
"Technically it is for a Cobra lackey," Tomax pointed out.
"Oh, so that's what happened to that tape!" Torch realized.
"What?" Zartan glared at him.
"They made a tape of me a while back," Torch explained. "I did an interview! Yes! I'm on telly!"
"How the heck did Torch mail those fools a taped interview of him?" Zartan asked in shock. "How did he know where to send it? We don't even know where the Greenland base is!"
"He he he," Crystal Ball snickered.
"Oh no," Destro stared at Crystal Ball in horror. "You didn't!"
"I may have mentioned the address to him in passing," Crystal Ball whistled. "And he may have digitally sent the video before we got caught up in that dimensional mess in the Bermuda Triangle."
"You what?!" The Baroness shrieked. "Are you insane?!"
"Is that a rhetorical question?" Cobra Commander groaned.
"Wait a second," Tomax frowned. "How did Torch even know to record an interview for this show?"
"Oh, it's easy," Torch said. "You just push that little button and…"
"Not physically you Aussie Imp!" Tomax snapped. "Then again…"
"This is Torch we are talking about," Xamot added.
"Uh," Zartan gulped. "I may have taught him how to work a camera and digitally send things."
"Oh really?" Destro glared daggers of death at him.
"Now we know who to blame," The Baroness pointed her gun at Zartan.
"And knowing is as good a reason as any to get drunk!" Cobra Commander brought out a bottle and took a swig through the hole that opened in his helmet.
"For once I agree," Destro groaned taking out a bottle of his own. "Alcohol is the only way to watch this slop with my sanity and will to live intact!"
"You're right," The Baroness put down her weapon and put up a bottle of alcohol. "Killing him would only get him off the hook."
"He has to watch this with the rest of us," Buzzer said. "It's a fair punishment."
"Now wait a minute," Zartan remarked. "You could kill me a little bit."
"You wish," The Baroness glared at him.
"I remember this video!" Torch said. "It's not that bad."
"Fifty will get you a hundred it is," Zartan moaned.
"So, let's get started," Zero smiled on the video readying his notes. "Torch's real name is Tom Winken and he was born in Botany Bay, New South Wales, Australia."
"Yes, I was born in Botany Bay, New South Wales, Australia," Torch repeated appearing on screen again. "The location of Australia's first penal colony."
"That explains a lot," Mindbender quipped.
"I am a direct descendant of some of the first convicts to land on Australia's shores!" Torch smiled proudly.
"Again, no surprises there," Destro sighed as he took a drink.
"In fact," Torch said proudly. "Me several times great grandpappy was Mike 'Mad Dog' Winken. One of London's most notorious thieves, drunkards, dog killers, and arsonists! He personally killed 50 Pekinese and burned down several upper-class guest cottages! And burned an old lady alive in one of them!"
"My word," Vapor gasped. "How was he not hanged for that?"
"Easy," Torch shrugged. "The old bat he bumped off was the mother in law of the judge."
"Ohhh…" Vapor and Zero said as one.
"And seven of the dogs he killed belonged to both his wife and his mother in law," Torch nodded. "Boy that judge really hated those dogs. And his mother in law. He just declared me ancestor mentally incompetent and sent him to Australia. Figured it was the least he could do."
"I can see how the mentally incompetent label was able to stick," Destro sighed.
"I wish I had a stick right now," Zarana glared at Torch.
"It all worked out for Mad Dog," Torch waved. "He was able to buy his freedom by blackmailing the governor and running off with his sister-in law. Who let's be honest, he was kind of glad to see the back of her. She was not a good influence on his marriage."
"Tell us a little more about your childhood," Vapor prompted.
"I can't imagine Torch as a child," The Baroness sighed as she took a drink from a bottle. "Except as a short person with a beard."
"There's not much to tell about my childhood," Torch's recording continued on screen. "My mum had me when she was eighteen and I never knew my father."
"Oh, that's too bad," Zero said. "Was he an absent parent or did he die from some sudden disease?"
"Liver failure most likely," Destro remarked.
"I have no bloody clue who the bum was. My mum made a living the hard way if you get my drift," Torch's recording went on. "Any bloke on the street could have been him! There were just so many possibilities."
"Too bad none of them included passing on more than one brain cell to his progeny," The Baroness snorted.
"Torch has brain cells?" Tomax asked.
"News to me," Xamot shrugged.
"I got enough brain cells to get paid for this interview, didn't I?" Torch snapped.
"YOU GOT PAID?" Cobra Commander shouted.
"That explains how they're able to get people for this show," Destro realized.
"O-kay," Vapor blinked. "What about the rest of your childhood? Did you have any happy memories?"
"I don't remember much about my early years," Torch continued. "I recall a few bits and pieces about school. Poking fingers into electric sockets, snorting bugs up my nose, eating crayons, setting small bits of trash on fire. That kind of stuff. Though all the teachers said I was special and put me in a special class all myself!"
"There's a big surprise," Destro quipped. "NOT!"
"I take it school was not your favorite place," Zero remarked.
"Hell no! Man, that place was a prison camp!" Torch went on. "Those teachers would keep me locked up all day and wouldn't even let me go out for recess! They just tried to make me learn to read and write. Well I showed them! I never did! Ha ha ha!"
"No kidding," Zartan deadpanned.
"Yeah you sure showed them," Zarana rolled her eyes.
"I see," Zero blinked at the revelation. "That is quite a childhood."
"That's one way to put it," The Baroness sniffed.
"But I did learn a lot of other practical stuff and finally graduated from kindy at the age of fourteen," A beaming image of Torch was shown. "Lock picking. Signature forging. Wrestling. The finer points of blackmail and advanced arson."
"Really?" Zartan looked at Torch. "It took you that long to graduate kindergarten?"
"Well I got held back due to my trouble with signature forging," Torch admitted. "Kind of hard if you don't know how to read."
"I would imagine that would be an obstacle," Zartan remarked.
Torch on screen went on. "That's when I was remanded to Borstal reform school."
"And I thought the American school system had problems," Destro quipped.
"The American school system didn't have Torch in it," Zartan pointed out.
"That's it! Somebody shut this garbage off!" Cobra Commander snapped. "This junk has absolute no redeeming values whatsoever!"
"You actually thought this had redeeming values to begin with?" Crystal Ball asked.
"Borstal was a lot harder than kindy," Torch admitted. "Except for math. That was okay. That's because my teacher was Mrs. Fenton. She taught me a lot about health. And I taught her a few things too!"
"Health? I though you said she was your math teacher?" Vapor appeared confused.
"Let's just say she gave great side lessons about human growth and reproduction systems," Torch grinned.
"On second thought," Cobra Commander conceded. "This just got interesting."
"I wonder if Mrs. Fenton is still teaching," Tomax thought.
"We should look her up," Xamot suggested.
"Maybe you have more in common with Torch that you'd admit," The Baroness glared at them in disgust. "You're all pigs!"
"That's just insulting to pigs," Zarana remarked.
"Anyway, after Mrs. Fenton got replaced during the whole murder incident, I later continued those same lessons with my history teacher," Torch went on. "Which almost led to another murder. Mine!"
"Oh, if only it had succeeded," Cobra Commander grumbled.
"Murder incident?" Zartan looked at Torch.
"Long story," Torch groaned. "Don't ask!"
"That's when I escaped Borstal and went to sea in the Australian Merchant Marine and learned the use of the cutting torch," Torch beamed.
"They let you in?" Zero asked. "Did you lie about your age?"
"I was 19," Torch remarked. "What was there to lie about? Besides going to the Australian Merchant Marines was one of the best things to happen to me!"
"Well that's certainly a change of pace," Vapor commented. "A sense of romance and adventure has always drawn young men to the sea. Did it do the same for you?"
"Yes, I had many adventures during my brief time at sea," Torch's recorded image smiled. "Like setting the captain's hair on fire, roasting seagulls in midair, cutting holes in the ship's hull. It was using my cutting torch as a night light while transporting a load of gasoline that finally ended my seagoing career."
"Not to mention a few other things," Destro quipped.
"Anyway, after I swam back to the mainland, I got myself a new oxy-acetylene torch and hog and rode with the Melbourne Maulers motorcycle club," Torch went on. "That is until they kicked me out for embezzlement, being too violent and burning down their clubhouse. Good thing I was mentioned in one or two of my late club member's life insurance policies."
"Hey, that's not a bad idea," Tomax commented. "We could take out a life insurance policy on Torch, kill him and cash in."
"You can't insure something that's worthless," Xamot pointed out.
"YEAH! Wait…what?" Torch did a double take.
"Anyway, I then made a brief living 'remodeling' cars…" Torch explained.
"Translation: stripped 'em for the chop shop," Mindbender commented.
"…and the occasional safe-cracking gig," Torch continued. "It was during a scavenging job in the Banksia Swamp for fun and profit that I ran into Zartan."
"More like ran over me," Zartan grumbled. "My back still has the scars!"
"I've always wondered how you met," Zandar realized. "I didn't care but I wondered."
"He recruited me into the Dreadnoks and the rest is history…" Torch's smiling image suddenly began to wobble. The video then cut out.
"Hey, what's going on?" Zero blinked as smoke began to fill the screen.
BOOM!
"AAAHHHHHH!" Vapor and Zero screamed as their equipment containing the recording suddenly burst into flames. "YEEEOOOWWW! THAT'S HOT! OWIE! OWIE! OWIE!"
"Huh, looks like this show finally became entertaining," Tomax smirked.
"How did you do that?" Mindbender pointed. "And could you teach me?"
"Not bad for an illiterate is it?" Torch grinned. "That's the other reason I did this show."
"It certainly ending on a high note," Xamot grinned.
"I should have known," Destro sighed as the Cobras watched Vapor and Zero frantically run about their burning studio. "Even when he's not physically present Torch manages to set things of fire."
"He does have that effect on things," Zartan shrugged.
"HA!" Cobra Commander chuckled. "This is the best show those idiots have ever done! Not that the bar was raised that high to begin with…"
"Oh, if only it was the last show they ever do," Destro sighed.
"AAAAAAAAAHHH!" Zero and Vapor ran around with their clothes on fire.
"That is an actual possibility for once," Destro remarked.
"You're recording this right?" Torch asked.
"Oh yeah," Ripper grinned.
"I'd like a copy of that," Cobra Commander said.
"Me too," Zartan grinned.
BOOOOOOOM!
"Maybe we should hurry and make our way to Greenland sooner rather than later?" Mindbender suggested. "While there is still a base left for us to get to."
"Oh, all right," Cobra Commander sighed as the spaceship quickly zoomed away. "But let's make a pit stop along the way to fix up our weapons systems. You know? In case those idiots survive!"
"Now that is a test of a weapons system I can get behind," Destro agreed.