House Haunting
"I can't believe we lost another base!" Cobra Commander hissed as he sat in the captain's chair on the bridge.
"I can," Destro sighed. "We barely lasted over a week with that one!"
"So what?" Torch burped as he took a drink of grape soda in a can. "We got twelve bases left! What's the big deal?"
"The big deal isn't just the fact that we lost a base," Firefly snapped. "We lost wealth, weapons, personnel…"
"Yeah like that never happened before," Buzzer snickered.
"We still got the bloody spaceship," Torch said. "Half the stuff from our raids we never even unloaded. Including half of the stuff we stole from Hydra. And those wankers we left behind were injured. Would have slowed us down anyway."
"Torch is right," Cobra Commander admitted. "Why whine over spilt wine?"
"The phrase is cry over spilt milk," Destro corrected.
"You drink what you like!" Cobra Commander snapped. "I'll drink what I like!"
Cobra Commander stood up. "Nevertheless, we can't afford to focus on the past."
"It wasn't even an hour ago," Blood Wing remarked. "It was literally less than twenty minutes we got chased off our base!"
"If Cobra only focused on what we lost, we would have been finished decades ago!" Cobra Commander ignored him. "Let's just go to the furthest country on the list and start there. Where is the next base Mindbender?"
"According to our files," Mindbender looked at a pad. "Well I'll be a monkey's research subject. Remember how I said we didn't have any bases left in the United Kingdom?"
"We have one, don't we?" Cobra Commander sighed.
"On a place called Foulness Island," Mindbender grinned.
"Well I can see why we chose that location to build a base," Cobra Commander remarked.
"It's also mostly remote farmland," Destro added. "With a wildlife sanctuary. The name is originally derived from the old English words for wildfowl."
"If there are nothing but birds on that island, I can imagine how the name stuck," Cobra Commander grumbled. "Hang on…I remember something. Didn't we have an operation going on back in the day?"
"That does seem to ring a bell," Destro blinked. "I remember now. That was our temporary headquarters for a week before we headed off into the desert for almost a decade!"
"That's right," The Baroness realized. "When we hid out in that fake pyramid before the Joes found us. It was at the beginning of the 90's, right?"
"Of course!" Tomax realized.
"We remember now," Xamot added. "Destro…"
"You had some kind of smuggling operation going on, didn't you?" Tomax finished.
"That's right!" Destro realized. "I remember now…"
FLASHBACK!
Foulness Island…The 90's.
Destro stood wearing his clunky gold mask and black uniform with the red cape. He was directing several Iron Grenadiers and soldiers. "Hurry up with those missile components. I want to get out of here before we are discovered."
"Calm down Destro…" Cobra Commander appeared in his 90's battle armor. "Those GI Jokers have no idea where we are."
"And I'd like to keep it that way," Destro told him. "Is the next base ready?"
"Yes," Cobra Commander nodded. "And I think you will find it quite impregnable against GI Joe."
QUICK FLASH FORWARD!
"What were you thinking with those outfits?" Crystal Ball asked.
"It was very stylish at the time!" Cobra Commander snapped.
"Why did your uniform make your eyes look human when you were very clearly a lizard man?" Crystal Ball asked.
"Ever hear of holograms?" Cobra Commander snapped. "Get back to the story Destro…"
FLASHBACK!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"What fool fired that missile?" Destro roared as a missile exploded in the distance.
"Take a guess!" Cobra Commander groaned.
"Whoo hooo!" A man walked over to the, He had shaggy black hair and a goatee, wearing red and yellow goggles, a black and red uniform with black gloves and black boots.
"Metal Head…" Destro growled. "Why did you fire that missile?"
"Sorry Destro," Metal Head scratched his head. "My bad. I was like playing around with the defense systems, getting them set to voice commands. Then I said…Bang! Bang!"
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"Like that," Metal Head waved. "Well that cliff was a little too big anyway."
"I can't deal with this right now," Cobra Commander grumbled. "I need a drink."
"I've been meaning to talk to you about that Commander," Destro remarked. "I've noticed that you've been partaking of the alcohol a bit more than usual lately."
"Gee I wonder why?" Cobra Commander snapped. "Deal with this Destro! Now!" He stormed away.
"What's his problem?" Metal Head asked.
"Among other reasons?" Destro said dryly. "I suspect alcoholism."
"That's why I never touch the stuff," Metal Head shook his head. "It messes with my brain cells."
"I'm sure both of them are grateful for that," Destro groaned. "Metal Head disarm those voice commands before you blow up this island! And us with it!"
"Will do Destro!" Metal Head saluted. "You want something done; Metal Head is your man! Anything else you need me to do?"
"Yes. There is one more thing," Destro growled. "I need someone to stay here at this base and intercept the microchips we are going to steal from the Russian government. I will send them by courier. Metal Head you've just been promoted. You're in charge of this base!"
"Oooh! Responsibility at last!" Metal Head saluted. "I won't let you down Destro!"
"I highly doubt it," Destro sighed. "But there's a first for everything. Just stay here on this island, get the microchips when we send them to you. Then transport the microchips to our base in London when you receive them. Understand?"
"Will do Destro!" Metal Head grinned. "I'll keep watch here. And while I'm waiting, I can work on my new explosive systems as well as listen to the brand-new album of Death Farts! And all my other albums!"
"Wonderful," Destro sighed as he left. "I'll work on forgetting you ever existed."
FLASHFORWARD!
"Which I obviously did," Destro realized.
"Oh my God!" Monkeywrench gasped. "I completely forgot about that guy!"
"So did I," Zarana realized.
"He was like a black-haired American version of Torch!" Ripper remembered. "Only dumber!"
"I knew there was a reason I didn't like him," Cobra Commander grumbled.
"Besides the obvious ones?" The Baroness quipped.
"He was like a copy of me!" Torch snapped. "If I didn't know better, I'd say somebody designed him to be a less edgy version of myself in order to sell more merchandise."
"What you don't know could fill up the Grand Canyon," The Baroness said. "But I have to admit if I had to choose, I'd have to go with Torch only for originality. What there is of it."
"And I have a better accent," Torch nodded.
"Hang on," Zartan realized something. "Didn't we fail at getting those microchips from Russia and most of our smuggling ring was broken?"
"Yes, we did," Destro nodded. "And it was."
"Did you ever contact Metal Head after that?" Cobra Commander asked. "And tell him to leave the island and come to latest base?"
Destro paused. "No. I didn't. Must have slipped my mind. Oh well…"
Torch shrugged. "Eh, no big loss."
"You know I wondered what happened to him," Zartan admitted. "For about ten minutes."
"Wait…" Buzzer realized something. "You think Metal Head is still there?"
"Please!" Destro scoffed. "That moron made people with attention deficit disorder look focused. He's probably stopped living there within a year at most. He's either wandered off somewhere or is dead by now. Or I at least I hope he's dead."
"Careful what you wish for Destro," Crystal Ball muttered under his breath.
Cobra Base 46: Foulness Island, Great Britain.
"Okay I get why Blood Wing didn't want to go with us," The Baroness said as most of the Cobras left the ship to walk to a large house near a cliff. "He wanted to hide in his room and avoid the sunlight. But why not Firefly?"
"Somebody had to guard the ship," Destro shrugged. "He volunteered."
"I think he's still a little miffed about the last base that got blown up," Buzzer said. "To be fair he was there longer than the rest of us."
"Still…" Cobra Commander waved.
"I think he's just taking a nap in the back," Torch remarked. "Not that I blame the bloke. I do that a lot too."
"If only you would never wake up," The Baroness sighed.
"This is a nice island," Crystal Ball remarked as Mindbender carried him. "Too bad we can't see any more of it."
"What's there to see?" Cobra Commander asked. "Look! There's the ocean there! Some cliffs over there! More ocean and cliffs over there! Squawking birds over there!"
Suddenly the sound of heavy metal music was heard from the house. "A loud racket over there…" The Baroness winced. "Ugh I haven't heard music this bad since…"
"You don't think…" Zartan realized something.
"Let's go find out," Crystal Ball said brightly.
"What do you know?" Mindbender asked him.
"I don't want to ruin the surprise," Crystal Ball grinned.
"Ughhh…" Cobra Commander groaned. "That idiot Metal Head is still here, isn't he? Great! I wonder if it's too late to just turn around and…"
"Let's just get this over with," The Baroness groaned as she prodded Cobra Commander and Destro towards the house.
"No, the Commander has a point…" Destro tried to get out of it as well.
"Look we need more troops anyway," The Baroness reasoned. "Let's just get him and…"
"Or we could just leave…" Destro tried to weasel out of it again.
Just then the music stopped. "Oh great! Now he knows we're here!" Zartan groaned. "Thanks a lot Baroness!"
"This can't be that bad," The Baroness groaned.
"Hey! You guys!" Metal Head emerged through the door. "Good to see you! Man it's been so long!"
No, not opened the door and walked out. He literally phased through the door. "Hi guys! It's me! Metal Head!" He waved, his form slightly dimming as you could see light and almost everything through him.
"Oh it's bad," Zartan winced.
"He's a…g-ghost!" Monkeywrench gasped.
"Please tell me this is some stupid hologram thing," Destro moaned.
"No, it's Metal Head the Undead!" Metal Head grinned. "Well I'm a ghost now…"
"You were right Destro," Crystal Ball quipped. "He's not only dead, he stopped living here in less than a year!"
"Oh, shut up!" Destro snapped.
"Technically he's haunting the place," Tiffany agreed. "Ghosts aren't alive…"
"Again, shut up!" Destro snapped.
"Oh man it's good to see you guys!" Metal Head grinned. "Now we can rock out together! Bang! Bang!" He started to do an air guitar and jumped around.
"Cor this wanker is dense even by Dreadnok standards," Buzzer groaned.
"We have standards?" Ripper asked.
"Where did we find this nutjob?" The Baroness groaned.
"God the 90's were a bad decade for Cobra," Cobra Commander sighed.
"There was a good decade?" Crystal Ball quipped.
"Oh, bloody hell," Monkeywrench gulped. "It's a gh-ghost."
"Calm down mate," Torch waved.
"How are you blokes not scared?" Monkeywrench gasped.
"One it's Metal Head," Torch pointed. "The Poor Man's Torch!"
"And two," Zartan sighed. "He wasn't that effective when he was alive so…"
"And third," Mindbender pointed to Crystal Ball. "We're used to ghosts. Remember?"
"Oh right," Monkeywrench realized.
"We've seen way scarier than this," Zandar remarked as Metal Head jumped around with the air guitar.
"Okay we saw him," Cobra Commander said. "Can we leave now?"
"We don't need troops this badly!" Destro pointed out.
"One ghost is more than enough!" Cobra Commander snapped.
"You have no idea boychik," A ghost of an old woman with a huge nose, a large granny dress covered by a Soviet jacket showed up. She spoke with an Eastern European accent.
"AAAAHHHH!" Everyone jumped back.
"Oh, hey Granny!" Metal Head said cheerfully. "I was just saying hi to my bosses and my friends!"
"Feh! Some friends!" Granny snorted as she folded her arms. "Friends don't abandon you for over two decades."
"Oh God I forgot about her," Destro groaned.
"I wish I could forget this entire conversation," Cobra Commander grumbled.
"Granny, we've been over this," Metal Head said. "I have to protect the base."
"Protect it from what?" Granny rolled her eyes. "Seagulls?"
"You like watching seagulls!" Metal Head gasped.
"Well yeah I got a lot of birdwatching done," Granny said. "I'm not saying it hasn't been enjoyable out here. The sunsets and sunrises are amazing!"
"They really are," Metal Head nodded.
"It's just a little repetitive being stuck in one place for decades," Granny said.
"Oh right," The Baroness realized. "Ghosts can't travel far from where they died."
"Unless they get stuck in a crystal ball," Crystal Ball groaned.
"How did you die?" Destro asked Metal Head.
"Oh man, funny story," Metal Head waved. "I'll show you. Come on inside."
"Why not?" Cobra Commander sighed as they entered into the building.
Soon they were in the basement. A rather ruined basement. With a very large pile of rocks and timber in the corner. "Oh my…" Destro said in a deadpanned tone. "What a mess."
"I can still see some blood splatter on the walls," The Baroness winced.
"Actually, that is raspberry jelly," Metal Head corrected and pointed. "That's blood splatter."
"Of course," The Baroness sighed.
"Okay so here's what happened," Metal Head pointed. "I'm working on my latest explosives, right? And I was listening to my tunes, just having a good time. And I accidentally put a little too much nitro in the glycerin…And silly me…You know my catchphrase? How I used to say Bang, Bang? That was the voice command I used to blow things up."
"Oh yes," Destro sighed. "I see where this is going."
"BANG! BANG!" Metal Head snickered. "Whoops! I blew myself up!"
"What are the odds?" Destro said dryly.
"Did you actually think this idiot would go any other way?" The Baroness pointed.
"Let's be honest," Cobra Commander said. "He wasn't exactly middle management material."
"Wait then how did you die?" Zarana looked at Granny.
"I was visiting my grandson at the time," Granny explained. "He wanted to show his new invention to me. It worked I will give him that."
"Your idiot grandson killed you?" The Baroness asked. "You must be ticked off."
"Not really," Granny shrugged. "I came to tell him I was dying of cancer and only had a few months left."
"So instead of a long drawn out death you went out with a bang?" Torch asked.
"Exactly," Granny nodded. "Honestly if I had to go, I prefer that way. Besides, I love my grandson's rock and roll music!"
"Hit it!" Metal Head cheered.
Somehow heavy metal music started to play. Metal Head and Granny started jumping around doing air guitars. The other Cobras moved away slightly to talk among themselves. "I don't feel so bad that they died anymore," Zartan remarked.
"You felt bad?" Destro asked.
"Well that I didn't see it happen," Zartan admitted with a shrug.
"I get that," Destro admitted.
"It's probably for the best that this particular puddle in the gene pool died out," Mindbender sighed.
"Natural selection does work," Cobra Commander remarked. "Who would have thought?"
"How about a thought on how we get rid of these blokes?" Ripper hissed.
"Look it's easy," The Baroness said. "Ghosts hang around because of unfinished business, right? He still thinks he's on a mission. Just tell him the mission is over and he was a decoy distracting the Joes. He'll go away."
"What about his grandmother?" Destro asked.
"She'll go where he goes," The Baroness said. "It's obvious she only stuck around to keep him company. Do it, Destro!"
"Why me?" Destro did a double take.
"Because he's an Iron Grenader," Xamot snapped.
"Your soldier," Tomax added.
"And you gave him that stupid mission…" Xamot went on.
"In the first place," Tomax finished.
"The Twins have a point Destro," Cobra Commander said.
"Wonderful," Destro sighed. He went over to the ghosts. "Excuse me!"
The ghosts ignored him and kept dancing around. "Excuse me," Destro growled. "WILL YOU KNOCK IT OFF?"
"What?" Metal Head stopped and the music stopped.
"Hey! Granny was just getting her groove on," Granny grumbled.
"I just thought I'd let you know that the mission is over," Destro coughed.
"Oh man," Metal Head realized. "I was on a mission? I forgot all about it!"
"What?" Destro was stunned.
"I don't believe this," Cobra Commander groaned.
"I do," The Baroness sighed.
"So, do I," Zartan admitted.
"Look I'll save you all some time," Destro sighed. "You completed your part of the mission perfectly."
"I did?" Metal Head brightened.
"He did?" Granny blinked.
"Yes," Destro said. "And it looks like the base is mostly in one or two pieces. So, you can now pass on to the other side knowing that you did your duty. Rest in peace. You shall be missed."
"But not much," Cobra Commander grumbled.
"You may now pass on," Destro made a grand gesture. "Go into the light. You are dismissed. You may shuffle off this mortal coil. Good bye."
"That's okay," Metal Head waved. "I'm good."
"What?" Destro glared at him.
"Look I admit it was a bit of a bummer when I first realized I died," Metal Head admitted. "For like two minutes! Being a ghost is awesome! You don't have to worry about eating or drinking or getting sick. You don't need to sleep so you can party all night!"
"You get to scare people occasionally," Granny added. "Like those guys who showed up here the other day."
"Yeah that one guy with the weird lizard arm nearly crapped his pants when you jumped out and said boo!" Metal Head snickered.
"Lizard arm?" Cobra Commander realized something. "Vapor and Zero were here, weren't they?"
"I think that was their names," Metal Head said. "Kind of hard to figure it out with all the crying and screaming."
"Plus, birdwatching," Granny added.
"Oh yeah," Metal Head said. "I've gotten into birdwatching. You know we've witnessed at least nine generations of petrels raising their chicks. It's really cool how they fly around."
"We watch them for hours," Granny nodded.
"Don't worry Destro," Metal Head waved. "We're good."
"Goody…" Destro groaned. "Excuse me for a moment." He went back to the others. "Now what?"
"God they're too stupid to know they're miserable," Zartan groaned.
"And people say Dreadnoks are dumb," Ripper grunted.
"Some ghosts just don't get it," Crystal Ball remarked.
"No kidding?" Cobra Commander said sarcastically. "Now what are we going to do?"
"We could just leave the base and forget about them," Xamot remarked.
"You've done it before," Tomax added.
"Knowing our luck, they'd find a way to contact us again," Cobra Commander groaned. "There has to be a way to get them to the other side where they belong! I'm going to say it. Some things from the 90's should stay in the 90's! There has to be a way to get rid of them!"
"There is but you're not going to want to do it," Destro sighed.
"Let me decide that!" Cobra Commander said acidly. "Tell me!"
"If you destroy this building the spirits will no longer have a tether to this earthly plane," Destro explained.
"So, you are saying all I have to do is blow this joint up?" Cobra Commander asked. "Why wouldn't I not want to do that?"
"My apologizes Commander," Destro sighed. "I'd forgotten who I was speaking to for a moment."
"No, no I get it," Cobra Commander waved. "Normally I don't want my property blown up."
The music started up again. "BOW! WOW! WOW! WOW! WWWWWOOOOW!" Metal Head and his Granny danced around happily.
"But I am willing to make an exception," Cobra Commander groaned.
"How do you know that?" Zartan asked.
"Because that's what happened to my ancestral castle!" Destro shouted. "Remember? When the Joes destroyed it and the creature that resided in it, the remaining spirits of my ancestors disappeared to the great beyond! Thanks to the Baroness."
"I had to teach you a lesson about your womanizing!" The Baroness snarled.
"By getting his ancestral castle destroyed?" Tiffany asked. "Interesting choice."
"Oh God forbid I even look at another woman!" Destro snapped. "You always were an insane possessive shrew!"
"And you are an egotistical moron who thinks just because he had a few fancy ancestors back in the day he's entitled to do anything and anyone he wants!" The Baroness shot back.
"Well if that isn't the ocean calling the lake wet, I don't know what is!" Destro shouted.
"The ocean calling the lake wet?" The Baroness gave him a look.
"Well the pot verses kettle comment is outdated," Destro admitted.
"Not to mention pots and kettles come in all sorts of colors nowadays," Torch spoke up.
"TORCH!" The Baroness and Destro shouted.
"Well they do!" Torch snapped. "Never understood that pot and kettle being black comment. If anything, a lot of pots and kettles are red!"
"He does have a point," Zarana admitted.
"I think they used to be black," Ripper spoke up. "I mean there wasn't much diversity in the color variation of cookware back in the day."
"WHO FREAKING CARES?" The Baroness yelled. "SHUT UP!"
Cobra Commander spoke up. "Back in Cobra La we'd say if that wasn't the icicle calling the snowflake cold."
"That's a good one," Torch said.
"SHUT UP!" Destro screamed.
"Boy some people just don't know how to get along do they?" Metal Head said to his Granny.
"Tell me about it," Granny groaned. "Now I see why you never contacted these people."
"Yeah they are annoying," Metal Head nodded.
"We're annoying?" Destro roared. "You…"
"Destro!" Cobra Commander shouted. "First of all, you two are annoying!"
"Testify," Zartan rolled his eyes.
"And second, can we have a word outside?" Cobra Commander motioned. "In private?"
"Fine," Destro grumbled as the other Cobras went outside. Soon the music was playing again. "Ugh we just had to come back here, didn't we?"
"Look we have to get rid of them," Mindbender said. "Not just for us. But do we really want to unleash ghosts that annoying on the world?"
"Not even Cobra is that bad," Cobra Commander admitted. "What do we do about it?"
"I have a cunning plan," Zandar spoke up.
"What is it?" Cobra Commander asked.
Ten minutes later….
"FIRE!" Cobra Commander ordered from the bridge of the spaceship.
"I shall do this with pleasure," Destro had taken to the controls of the laser blasters and pushed the button.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAPPP!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"It is a good plan in its simplicity," Cobra Commander admitted as the building was destroyed in flames. "Well we can cross that off the list!"
"Yeah and I got this neat guitar too!" Monkeywrench showed them.
"Where did you get that?" Destro did a double take.
"Found it on the floor when we left," Monkeywrench shrugged as he plucked a few strings. "Sounds good."
Metal Head then appeared. "Hey! There's my axe! Cool!"
"What is he still doing here?" Cobra Commander screamed.
"Because Monkey Brains took his guitar which he obviously has an attachment too!" The Baroness snapped. "Did you not learn anything from the Phantom Brigade incident?"
"So now we're stuck with Metal Head?" Cobra Commander screamed.
"Oh God it's the 90's all over again," Destro moaned.
"Hey Sonny!" Granny's voice was heard. "They have the entire band of Rotten Water over here! And they're playing a concert!"
"Rotten Water? I love those guys!" Metal Head gasped.
"That guy from Slayer is also here!" Granny shouted. "Come on Sonny! You're missing the party! WHOOO!"
Metal Head was stunned. "Oh man I got to get over there! I want to go to the Great Beyond!"
"Not as long as that guitar is still intact," Destro pointed out.
"I'm on it," Torch took out his flamethrower. "Wrench you might want to put down the guitar and step back."
"Right," Monkeywrench did so.
"Bye Metal," Torch said as he turned on his flamethrower. "Say hi to Cliff Burton for me!"
FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"Oh yeah!" Metal whooped as he stared to fade. "Party time! Here I come Granny! BANG! BANG! WHOOOOO!"
He disappeared. "That's the end of that," Cobra Commander sighed. "Okay here's the deal, nobody ever mentions Metal Head and his crazy Grandmother ever again!"
"I second the notion," Destro groaned.
"What's going on?" Firefly walked out. "I was taking a nap and I woke up when I heard a racket. What happened?"
"You don't want to know," The Baroness grumbled.
"Why is that building on fire?" Firefly asked.
"NEXT!" Cobra Commander shouted. "Just get us to the next base!"
Cobra Base 47: Carpathian Mountains in Romania.
"Isn't this place also known as Transylvania?" Blood Wing asked as the spaceship landed a short distance away from the castle hidden in the mountains. Since it was night he was back in human form.
"I believe this region is," Destro asked.
"You didn't know that?" Firefly was stunned. "This doesn't look familiar to you?"
"Actually, I have never been here," Blood Wing told them. "This is my first time."
"I thought all vampires hung around here," Torch asked.
"I'm a Mexican vampire!" Blood Wing snapped. "My ancestral home is in the heart of South America where the Aztecs used to hang out!"
"Oh, that makes sense," Torch nodded.
"You realize there are dozens of different kinds of vampires, right?" Blood Wing asked. "From all over the world!"
"Yeah, yeah can the cultural diversity lecture…" Cobra Commander groaned. "Let's check out our old base."
"Fun fact," Blood Wing said as they disembarked the ship. "Vampires have had our own version of the United Nations thousands of years before you humans did. And a lot fewer wars between our kind."
"Well sure," Mindbender said as he carried Crystal Ball. "Why fight each other when there are all those humans that want to fight you?"
"Exactly," Blood Wing nodded. "We've even had fewer wars with other species combined than we have with humans. Even werewolves. And we hate them!"
"Why do you hate werewolves?" Zarana asked. "Is it because they used to be your servants and rebelled?"
"Like in those Underworld movies?" Blood Wing asked. "No, that's all Hollywood nonsense. The real reason is because they made fun of how a castle was decorated at a party centuries ago and piddled on a rug."
"Seriously?" Destro asked.
"If there is one thing vampires take very seriously," Blood Wing shrugged. "It's interior decorating."
"Wait," The Baroness realized. "This base looks familiar. I remember this place! This is where Cobra Commander tried to create an army of ghosts!"
"That didn't end well did it?" Blood Wing asked.
"It did not," The Baroness groaned.
"Yeah but those three ghosts passed on decades ago," Cobra Commander waved. "Why should…?"
Just then an unholy shriek was heard emanating from the castle. It started to glow from the inside. "There are more than three ghosts residing in this castle aren't there?" Destro groaned.
"I'm afraid so," The Baroness groaned. "Crazy old gypsy woman…"
"Those are special effects, right?" Ripper gulped. "Just some bloke or a couple of kids pulling a joke, right?"
Several spirits shrieked out of the castle as the castle glowed and shook forcefully. "If it is a joke…" Buzzer gulped. "It's a very convincing one!"
"Oh crap," Cobra Commander realized. "I remember this one! I remember now why we left!"
"Yeah they are not happy to see you again," Crystal Ball told him.
"Oh, come on!" Firefly snapped. "This can't be real! This has to be fake! Like holograms or…."
That was when one of the ghosts forcefully lifted up Firefly and hung him upside down. "Okay this is not a joke!" Firefly screamed. "THIS IS REAL PEOPLE! THIS IS REAL!"
"Very real!" Torch screamed as several ghostly apparitions appeared and flew among them.
"I could have told you that," Blood Wing sighed in a bored voice.
"Why are you not freaked out?" Monkeywrench screamed.
"Hello? Vampire," Blood Wing sighed. "There's kind of a treaty. They can't really do anything to me. I can't really do anything to them…"
"And I'm an actual ghost," Crystal Ball said. "As long as someone is holding onto my ball. They're good."
"GIVE ME THAT BALL!" Cobra Commander screamed as he tried to wrestle Crystal Ball away from Mindbender. "GIVE IT TO ME MINDBUNGLER!"
"NO! I NEED IT!" Mindbender struggled to hold on.
"I'm a him, not an it!" Crystal Ball snapped. "That's how I self-identify!"
"AND I IDENTIFY AS ALIVE!" Mindbender held on. "MINE!"
"MINE!" Cobra Commander screamed.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH" Destro screamed as he and several other Cobras were lifted into the air.
"THIS WAS A BAD IDEA!" The Baroness screamed as she was thrown into some bushes.
"GIVE IT!" Cobra Commander yanked Crystal Ball out of Mindbender's arms. "HA!"
The next thing Cobra Commander knew he was floating in the air. "AAAHHHH!" He dropped Crystal Ball on the ground.
"Oh right," Crystal Ball called out. "I have to tell the other ghosts not to harm you. My bad!"
"You told them we were coming, didn't you?" Blood Wing remarked as he picked up Crystal Ball.
"Yeah," Crystal Ball snickered. "I just couldn't resist."
"AAAHHHH!" The Cobras screamed as the ghosts chased them around. And threw them in several trees and shrubs.
"This is funny," Blood Wing admitted with a chuckle at the chaos going on.
"Mortals," Crystal Ball snickered. "Am I right?"
"You are," Blood Wing laughed at the sight of Cobra Commander being thrown into a tree. "Should we tell them that technically most ghosts aren't allowed to kill people?"
They looked at each other. "Naaahhhhhh…." They said as one.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Cobra Commander screamed as the tree's branches broke and he fell down.
"Aww," Crystal Ball remarked. "He didn't break his neck. Shame."
"RETREAT!" Cobra Commander screamed as he got to his feet. "COBRA RETREAT!"
"If we must," Blood Wing shrugged as he casually sauntered back into the ship.
"This was fun," Crystal Ball remarked. "We should do this more often."
"We really should," Blood Wing agreed.
Soon the Cobras were in the spaceship flying off. "Hang on…" Cobra Commander growled. "Zartan, Torch! Prepare the lasers and missiles!"
"With pleasure," Torch growled as he did so.
"Commander you don't mean…?" Destro did a double take.
"BLOW IT UP!" Cobra Commander screamed. "DESTROY IT! NOW! NOW! NOW!"
KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Thousands of spirits glowed as their souls lifted into the heavens, uttering terrifying unholy shrieks. "That's ghostbusting, Cobra Style!" Tiffany whooped.
"Uh are they headed this way?" The Baroness pointed.
"It appears so…" Destro gulped.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"
"And they are not very happy," Destro's eyes widened in panic. "Commander…"
"GET US OUT OF HERE!" Cobra Commander screamed. "Engage the hyper thrusters or whatever else we've got!"
"Will do!" Zartan did so. Soon the spaceship had zipped far away. High into outer space.
"Did we lose them?" Cobra Commander asked.
"Unfortunately, yes," Crystal Ball sighed. "Half of them have already crossed over as we speak. They'll all be gone as soon as what's left of the castle stops burning."
"Ghosts as a rule usually don't go into outer space," Blood Wing explained. "Although I've heard Carmen Miranda's ghost is the exception."
"Well that was rather unpleasant," Destro grumbled.
"As usual Destro," Cobra Commander growled. "Your talent for understatement never fails! Unlike this entire operation!"
"We still have ten bases left," Zartan said weakly.
"OH, SHUT UP!" Cobra Commander shouted. "I don't know if I even want to check them out anymore!"
"Some of them might have alcohol," Crystal Ball spoke up.
Cobra Commander paused. "Set course for the next base…"
"Thought that would do it," Crystal Ball rolled his eyes.
"Oh, what fools these mortals be," Blood Wing agreed.