Reversal of Fortune: Chapter 38: Electric Boogaloo

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 13; 8:40 AM
ROYAL WOODS MIDDLE SCHOOL

As Lynn Jr. walked through the hallway with her usual arrogant swagger, she noticed students pausing their conversations to whisper to each other and snicker at her as she walked past them.

Cici snickered to Phoebe, "I wonder who's the girlfriend between Lynn and her new boyfriend."

Phoebe giggled, "Totally," before she and Cici started outright laughing at her.

Next, Lynn Jr. walked past a group of popular, preppy girls giggling at her. The apparent leader of their group was a tall, slender, white girl with her red hair tied in a bun and very slight eyebags. She was wearing light purple eyeshadow, a shirt and scrunchie in pale pink, short skirt and boots in dark grey, white pearl earrings, black bracelets on each of her wrists, and a choker around her neck.

Lynn Jr. turned to the red-haired girl, clenched her fists, growled, and shouted, "What's so funny, Chelsea?!"

Chelsea and her followers, one blonde, one brunette, and one black-haired girl, all with light skin, long hair, and equally preppy-looking clothes, traded glances before resuming their snickering at Lynn Jr.

Lynn Jr. snapped, "Am I funny to you, Chelsea? Like a clown, like I amuse you?!"

Lynn Jr.'s words made Chelsea and her cronies burst into full-blown laughter, making Lynn Jr. snarl, "Forget this! Chelsea, if you think I'm fucking funny, say it to my face!"

Lynn Jr. then punched the locker right next to Chelsea and her friends out of frustration, denting it.

Chelsea's blonde-haired follower whispered, "You should totes tell on her, Chelsea."

Chelsea chuckled, "Chill, Natalie. I think her new man is enough punishment. If she's even gonna be the one receiving it, that is," causing the rest of the group to laugh uproariously.

Lynn Jr. then turned the corner, and saw Anderson, Pablo, and Taylor laughing loudly at her.

Anderson mocked, "Hey, hey, Lynn! Since your new boo's a sub, you might as well eat him!"

The three bullies burst into hysterical laughter, causing Lynn Jr. to growl before gasping, "What are you talking about?!"

Upon seeing the sinister grins on their faces, Lynn Jr. fumed, "Grr! Whatever! I don't have time for your crap, guys!", before storming off.

Pablo quipped, "And he's gonna have to deal with her on her time of the month?! I'm a bully, but even I almost feel sorry for the guy! Heh, not!"

As the three bullies howled with laughter at Pablo's joke, Lynn Jr. muttered to herself, "Tomorrow, Lynn! Tomorrow!"

When Lynn Jr. finally arrived at her locker, she saw her teammates crowded around it with smarmy grins.

Lynn Jr. uttered, "What?"

At once, all of Lynn Jr.'s teammates squealed as loudly as they could, "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!", before enveloping her in a group hug.

Lynn Jr. groaned, "Oh, come on! You guys, too?"

Maddie beamed, "Lynnie, congrats on your new boo!"

Paula joked, "And you got a tall one, too! Can we say, Lynn Loud III, future NBA prospect?"

The rest of the girls squealed once more, forcing Lynn Jr. to cover her ears.

Flabbergasted, Lynn Jr. responded, "New boo? Wait, what are you talking about?! I'm with Francisco, you guys know that!"

"Forget him," Margo cheered while showing Lynn Jr. her phone screen, "this photo's been blowing up in the school groupchats! Your sister, Lola, sent this, right?"

Lynn Jr. snatched Margo's phone from her with a strong, "Gimme that!", hurting Margo's hand in the process.

When Lynn Jr. took a closer look at the photo on Margo's phone screen, she gasped in horror. It was a picture of Lynn Jr. and Rusty kissing passionately on the front porch of the Loud House. Lynn Jr. had even popped her right foot up in the photo out of her apparent love for Rusty. She growled and began to tightly clench Margo's phone, almost crushing it in the process.

Margo asked, "Lynn, you good?"

Lynn Jr.'s eye twitched while she grumbled, "I swear, I'm going to kill that pink little bitch when I get home. As if her face isn't messed up enough already."

Lainey pointed out, "Look out, jealous ex at 6 o'clock."

Suddenly, Francisco approached Lynn Jr. in tears, sniffling, "Please, Lynn… say it ain't so."

Lynn Jr. asked, "What?"

Francisco sniveled, barely coherently, "You… that boy… kissing!"

Lynn Jr. yelled, "You mean Rusty? NO! Don't tell me you believe that, too! Let me tell you what really happened: that dork walked up to my front door the other day in a pimp outfit, tried to sound cool, and ended up hurting his hand slapping my door before tripping and falling on the stairs! He's the least smooth dude I've ever met!"

Francisco insisted, "A picture is worth a thousand words, Lynn. And I don't date two-timers. We're through," before turning around and running away from Lynn Jr. with tears in his eyes.

Lynn Jr. stammered, "But… I… H-HE'S TWO YEARS YOUNGER THAN US! HOW COULD I?"

Nadia interrupted, "Ahh, forget him! He's just hating because you got a boyfriend with actual swag now!"

The rest of Lynn's teammates squealed again and enveloped Lynn Jr. in another group hug.

In response, Lynn Jr. shook her head and muttered to herself, "Absolutely zero swag whatsoever," right before the bell rang and forced everyone into class.

(Scene Change: Royal Woods Elementary School, Library, 8:55 AM)

Rusty pulled his finished place cards with Sadie, Girl Jordan, Kat, and Mollie's names typed in big cursive writing out of the school printer.

After planting a kiss on each of them, he mused, "Aah! Finished! Now, let's get it poppin'! These fly ladies ain't finna be able to get enough of your boy, Spokealicious!"

Rusty proceeded to put the place cards in a suitcase he was carrying in lieu of his backpack. He then put his hands in his pants and shuffled a frozen hot dog sausage he had stuffed in his pants around until it extended perfectly down the middle of his groin area in his pants, creating a noticeable "bulge". Satisfied with his handiwork, he then walked into the hallways to give Royal Woods Elementary School its first public glimpse of "A Pimp Named Spokealicious," even if it was only him dressed in his normal clothes.

As Rusty swaggered out into the hallway, his pants sagged, causing the other students to laugh harshly at him.

Chandler jeered, "Hey, Rusty! Congrats on snaggin' an older Loud girl!"

Trent snickered, "And a middle schooler! A seventh grader! Way to go, Rusty!"

Rusty started, "But-"

"Bro, this pic's been blowin' up on SwiftyPic!", Chandler cheered before showing him his phone scroen.

When Rusty saw the picture of him and Lynn Jr. kissing on the Louds' front porch, Rusty blushed before claiming, "Umm… yeah! You see that, dawgs? Ya boy be datin' cougars! They like bees to honey, ya dig?"

Chandler, Trent, and Richie traded agape glances before Chandler recovered, "Umm… yeah!"

Richie deadpanned, "Go, Rusty."

Rusty then checked his wrist before remarking, "I'd stay, but I gotta make time to keep my bitches in line, ya know what I'm sayin'? Peace out, dawgs!"

As Rusty walked through the hallways, he started to notice students stopping their conversations to stare at him.

Intrigued by the attention, Rusty addressed them, "Ain't no party like a Spokealicious party, and that's straight facts, no printer!"

Clyde and his female classmates, who surrounded him, watched the scene with their jaws dropped in secondhand embarrassment.

Paige started, "Should we-"

"Nah, lowe di flex, fom," Clyde assured Paige. "Wait 'till after school. A man can catch a bangout ting then, styll."

Cristina then moved to caress Clyde while giggling, "You're so smart, Clyde. Glad you're back in school… with us… with me."

Clyde smirked, "Ya dunnoe," before kissing Cristina on the forehead and making her blush.

As Rusty continued to walk through the hallways, he was greeted by many students blowing raspberries at him.

Girl Jordan even called out in a mockingly sultry voice, "Hey, Rusty! That turn you on, baby?"

Mollie sassed, "Yeah, and there's plenty more where that came from!"

Girl Jordan and Mollie then blew raspberries at Rusty again before laughing loudly at him.

Polly Pain then ran up to Rusty and greeted him, "Hey, Rusty!", before turning around and farting in his face. She then snickered, "Have fun with that!", before running away while laughing at him.

Just before Rusty reached the school's auditorium doors, Dirk taunted, "Hey, Rust-man! Did the sporty Loud girl make you remember to wear your diapers this time?!"

Rusty stopped in his tracks and snapped, "Diapers? What da fuck is wrong wichu? I wear work boots nigga, I don't wear no fuckin diapers!", while pointing to his shoes. He then left a cringing Dirk and a silent hallway behind to continue to walk towards the mahogany double doors with the sign, "Auditorium," above them.

After entering the auditorium, Rusty saw and heard much of the school's support staff talking and moving amongst each other as they attempted to set up the equipment and props necessary for Rusty's performance. Norm mopped and dusted the stage's hardwood floor while Superintendent Chen talked to Katherine Mulligan on camera on the other side of the stage.

Superintendent Chen told Katherine Mulligan, "You see, twerking is a primal practice of releasing trauma and somatic blockages and emotions through your bodies, especially your hips. Bending on your knees, crouching down, you're connecting to earth, you're restoring your energy. And that's what we're trying to do with this performance: help Royal Woods Elementary restore its energy."

When Rusty spotted Principal Huggins, he smirked to himself before starting to pathetically wail as he ran to him.

Principal Huggins asked in a voice soft with affection, "Aww, what's wrong, Rusty?"

Rusty blubbered, "G-G-Girl J-Jordan, M-M-Mollie, K-K-Kat, and S-S-Sadie m-made FUN OF ME!", before bursting into hysterical tears. "Oh, they've been my worst bullies in this school!", he whined.

Principal Huggins gasped before growling, "Just give me the word and I'll have those girls out of this school."

Rusty sniffled, "N-no. I-it h-hurts m-me t-that s-such b-beautiful l-ladies d-don't understand the meaning of a c-c-caring s-school e-environment f-for all our s-students. I-I think that m-maybe if they g-got s-seats in the m-middle of t-the f-front r-row, m-maybe t-they'd g-get it."

Principal Huggins agreed, "I see. I'll get Cheryl to ensure that happens."

Rusty nodded, "T-thanks."

Principal Huggins then texted Cheryl, "Call Mrs. Johnson. Tell her Jordan Rosato, Mollie Freilich, Kat Ketchum, and Sadie Figueroa need to be seated front and center at this morning's assembly."

Meanwhile, Rusty checked underneath the seats he had intended on reserving for the four aforementioned girls. When he saw the four big, plastic, navy blue Reininger's shopping bags he had stuffed underneath each chair, he reached underneath each chair and felt them. They felt hard and square, letting Rusty know that his paintings were still inside each bag.

Rusty then clasped his hands and softly snickered to himself before straightening. Next, he put his backpack on a chair, and opened it to reveal the four place cards with each of the girls' names on them written in black. Above each girl's name was small, capital, dark grey, "RESERVED – VIP" text with gold stars flanking it on either side. Rusty carefully placed the place cards on the head of each chair, ensuring that Girl Jordan, Mollie, Kat, and Sadie would sit next to each other front and center to watch his performance.

Rusty smugly clasped his hands before grabbing his suitcase off the floor and heading towards the stage.

When he arrived, he gave a friendly smile and wave to the onstage staff, "Yo, what up, my peeps?!"

The onstage staff smiled and waved back, "Hi, Rusty!"

Rusty pumped them up, "Yo, let's get this party lit like a Christmas tree! 'Cause when it comes to Spokealicious, you know it's always turnt up to eleven! Haha, on fleek, am I right?"

The rest of the onstage staff cheered and whooped as Rusty swaggered backstage. Once backstage, Rusty used curtains to hide himself from the adults in the auditorium and began to change into the outfit he would use for his performance.

(Time Skip: 30 minutes later)

Most of the entire Royal Woods Elementary School student body was seated in the auditorium, talking amongst themselves, when the fifth graders began to file in.

Among the scattered chattering, Connor was heard snickering, "Yo, did you hear Rusty has a fart fetish?"

As Mrs. Johnson's class began to enter the auditorium, she instructed the class, "Alright, everybody, sit in this row," pointing to one of the empty back rows. She then called out, "Jordan R., Mollie, Kat, and Sadie: you four are coming with me."

Some of the girls' classmates snickered, "Ooh," while the girls gasped in worry.

Mrs. Johnson then walked the four girls to the middle seats of the front row of the auditorium, and instructed them, "You four: sit here."

Girl Jordan started, "But-"

"Principal's request," Mrs. Johnson interrupted.

The four girls sighed before sitting, in order from left to right: Sadie, Kat, Girl Jordan, and Mollie. As they did, they noticed hard paper bristling against the backs of their scalps. They turned around in their seats and saw Rusty's place cards, which they quickly snatched off the tops of their seats.

After reading what Rusty wrote on the place cards, the girls exchanged worried, silent glances. Ultimately, the girls decided to shrug it off before feeling themselves stepping on wooden frames underneath their feet.

The four girls paused and turned to each other before Mollie whispered, "Should we-"

"Yes," Girl Jordan replied. "Though I have a feeling… we're not gonna like what we see."

The girls quickly moved to pull the apparently wooden-framed objects out from underneath their chairs. Sadie pulled out a white bag with black "Duds for Dudes" text written on it. Kat pulled out a navy blue bag with the Reininger's logo inscribed prominently on the face of the backpack in reddish-pink. Girl Jordan pulled out a red bag with the yellow "Mega Comics" logo featured on its face. Mollie pulled out a forest green bag with the logo of "Forests" written in white on its face.

After studying the shopping bags, they decided to jiggle their hands inside their individual shopping bags. Before doing so, they turned to Girl Jordan, who nodded as if to silently assure them that whatever in the bags was safe.

The next moment, the four girls pulled paintings of themselves out of the bags, addressed specifically to each of them from Rusty, and studied them. Each painting contained Rusty's phone number and an invitation to "Join the Lit Harem" in red marker on the bottom right corner. The paintings' wooden frames were shoddily put together, and the portraits of the girls themselves appeared to be poorly finger-painted.

Mollie winced, "Well… at least he got the colors right."

The next moment, a kindergarten student sitting next to Sadie grabbed the girls' collective attention by pointing at her portrait and shouting, "Pretty painting!"

Sadie slowly turned to the kid and uneasily concurred, "Umm… yeah… sure, kid."

The kid extended his hand and introduced himself, "I'm Petey Wimple. I can paint like that for you, too."

The fifth-grade girls traded glances before Kat groaned, "Don't. Please, don't."

Petey whined, "Why not?"

Sadie sighed, "Just… don't." She then briefly turned away from Petey before getting the idea to hold out her pinkie and ask Petey, "Promise?"

Petey extended his pinkie and smiled, "Promise."

Meanwhile, a few seats away, Lisa told Darcy, "Based on the numerous factors at play, my analysis projects that this mass gathering has a 69.42 percent chance of ending as a cataclysm. With a 5 percent margin of error. The effects of which shall be interesting to document. Erm, for… future purposes."

Darcy offered a toy giraffe to Lisa and asked, "You want Rafo?"

Lisa sighed, "As tempting as your offer is, I must remain focused."

Darcy looked down. "Oh, ok," she murmured, before hugging Rafo herself."

Backstage, the Morticians Club hid in an isolated corner at the far back of the stage, ensuring that they wouldn't be seen.

Haiku whispered to Lucy, "Ready?"

Lucy sighed, "As I can ever be."

Bertrand winced, "As we all can ever be," while holding his bat, Abraham, up on his right arm.

As frantic chatter continued to ring through the auditorium, the lights suddenly dimmed. Then, a spotlight followed Principal Huggins as he walked out onto the stage and double-tapped on the microphone. When Principal Huggins pulled it out from the stand and turned the volume up, a loud, high-pitched squealing sound erupted from it, causing most of the student body to yelp and cover their ears.

Principal Huggins joked, "Glad this thing's working," and chuckled, only to be met with silence from his audience.

He then addressed the student body, "Good morning, students. Last week, as you may recall, we held an assembly to address the rise in bullying incidents at this school."

A cacophony of groans and moans erupted from the student body, causing Principal Huggins to yell, "Quiet!"

When Principal Huggins noticed the students refusing to obey him, he roared into the microphone with an ever-so-slight hiss, "Since that assembly, several students have approached me regarding their concerns about our school's bullying problem. Their reports indicate that you students have not only failed to heed what we were trying to teach you, but also went so far as to actively fight against it. So, we, as a school, felt it best to address this most important of topics with you again. And to help us do that, one of your fellow students, with the assistance of your teachers, the rest of our school staff, and yours truly, has decided to put on a musical performance for you regarding his feelings on the topic."

The seated students traded concerned glances with each other. They leaned ever so slightly forward, their hands and fingers twitching in place, ready to jump onto their ears at the first sign of trouble.

And then, it began. The moment the curtains opened enough to reveal a minuscule part of what was behind them, an obnoxious amount of dry ice fog blanketed the front part of the stage all the way up to the ceiling, reaching out as far as the front row by the time the curtains had fully opened. While the kindergarten students in the front row closed their eyes to protect themselves from the onslaught, Girl Jordan, Mollie, Kat, and Sadie chose not to follow suit.

Suddenly, a succession of synth notes began to blare through the speakers. As the song began, a dark silhouette emerged out of the dry fog with an awkward attempt at a swaggering walk, its figure becoming clearer with each step it took towards the front of the stage.

The silhouette revealed himself to be Rusty when he nasally shouted, "Yo, dawgs! A Pimp Named Spokealicious up in the hizz-ouse!"

As the fog dispersed, the students watching began to wish that it hadn't. Rusty strutted to the front of the stage sporting his pimp outfit from the previous night and a sly, toothy grin on his face. The front pockets of his pants looked full, while the sausage Rusty stuffed in his pants flopped around with his every move. Meanwhile, the lunch ladies, teachers, and Principal Huggins were running towards their places on a bright, illuminated dance floor covering the whole stage. A huge crystal disco ball then dropped from the roof to slowly start spinning above the middle of the stage, projecting its light throughout the auditorium.

Rusty proclaimed, "This one goes out to my rotation, ya feel me?! Lynn, Girl Jordan, Mollie, Kat, and Sadie! I had SO MUCH fun last night painting with my donkey-dong… I mean, playing with my Donkey Kong! Heh-heh! High score, 69420!"

The students watching the performance froze in dread with their jaws agape. Girl Jordan, Mollie, Kat, and Sadie, now knowing the truth about the "method" Rusty used to paint them, felt their grip automatically loosening on the paintings they were given until they ultimately fell out of the girls' hands and onto the floor, slightly chipping their wooden frames.

The next moment, Rusty roared, "Ay, yo, DJ! Drop that beat and let's get jiggy with it!"

Rusty then bellowed into the microphone, "I'm gonna take my tiiii-eee-ime!", his voice fluctuating all over the various frequencies audible to humans as he tried to extend the word "time." This all happened as he attempted to bounce back and forth, and then side to side, with his elbows up. However, in doing so, he instead looked like a waving inflatable tube guy from a car dealership on a windy day.

This caused the special needs students watching the performance to wail in agony.

Rusty pointed to Girl Jordan, and started thrusting his hips at her while singing a tone-deaf version of his next line:

She gon' get hers be-fore I!

While holding his "I", Rusty lifted his sunglasses and attempted to wink. However, Rusty bit his lip at the same time with a creepy smirk, making it look more like a facial spasm.

Rusty then caterwauled, "I'm gonna take it sloooo-ooh-ow!", while attempting to slow down a robot dance move he was already butchering. Unfortunately, Rusty ended up locking himself into a position where his head, face, and torso froze at a perfectly perpendicular angle to his legs, with one arm flung over his back. When Rusty made his first attempt at straightening himself from that position, he noticed that his body remained locked. Rusty then flailed his arms like a dog to try to straighten his body as he belted, "I ain't finna rush the stro-oke!"

Meanwhile, a grotesque, obese, fair-skinned lunch lady with a blonde ponytail encouraged the rest of the onstage staff, "Come on, err'body, drop it like it's hot!"

Every staff member on stage, lunch leader, teacher, and Principal Huggins alike, immediately dropped to their hands and knees and started twerking as Rusty bellowed, "So she can get a… SEXUAL ERUPTION!"

Rusty felt a slight twinge of embarrassment in the pit of his stomach when he realized what he said, making him cough and straighten his body automatically. However, Rusty played it off by trying to floss dance as he rushed his next line, causing him to sound like a demented Chipmunk Boys singer:

I mean, so I can get a sensual seduction!

Rusty ended up rushing his floss dancing, making them so uncoordinated that he ended up smacking himself in the face:

OWW! So we can get a sensual seduction!

Rusty then jumped off the stage, landing a yard in front of an incredibly disturbed Sadie, as he patchily sang the final, "sensual seduction", of the chorus.

As Rusty walked towards Sadie, Rusty made awkward attempts at dabbing on each of the two "Whoa" ad-libs he sang: one right-handed dab, and one left-handed dab. Both times, he ended up looking like he was smashing the top of his head on the forearm closest to him, with the other arm extending upwards and forward in a Nazi salute-like motion, causing several students to audibly retch.

Rusty, now standing inches away from Sadie, began to thrust his hips back and forth at her, causing him to smack Sadie's mouth, chin, jaw, and chest repeatedly with the hot dog wiener he stuffed in his pants. Sadie's eyeballs seemingly rolled to the back of her head, her brain completely checking out of her present environment due to overwhelm, as Rusty sang, "Sh-Sh-She might be wid' him," while pointing to Petey Wimple on the "him".

Rusty then pointed to himself as he sang, "But she's thinkin' 'bout meee, meee, meeee-ee-ee-OWW," murdering the lyrics.

Rusty then shuffled three paces to his left and started thrusting his hips in the same motion at a frozen, nauseated Kat. He tried to wag his finger, but ended up wagging his middle finger at Kat and even poking her cheek with it as he sang: "We don't go to the maaall, we don't go out to eeeat, eat, eeeee-ee-ee-at," his voice reminiscent of a distressed animal's cry. Kat's face went ghost white and her body, particularly her torso, grew uncomfortably cold.

Rusty then positioned himself directly in front of Girl Jordan's seat. Rusty walked forward to make it look like he was standing directly in front of Girl Jordan, and squatted down, putting his arms around the back of her chair. Rusty was so close to Girl Jordan that when he squatted down, their noses practically touched. Rusty then attempted to give her a lap dance as he sang, "All that we ever do, is play in the shee-ee-eets, sheets, sheeeee-ee-eets." Unfortunately, all Rusty ended up doing was bouncing his butt (and crotch) repeatedly on Girl Jordan's lap while nearly causing the chair to fall over in the process by leaning on it. While Rusty managed to steady the chair, his hot dog wiener started to slide out of his pants into his right leg. A desperate Rusty tried to stuff it back into his crotch area, but he overcorrected, causing the wiener to bounce off the top of Girl Jordan's seat before going flying across the auditorium. Girl Jordan was so petrified that she didn't even feel her stomach seemingly sending all of its food up to her esophagus at once.

Rusty then shuffled over to Mollie's seat. Mollie's face and body were frozen in a catatonic state of terror. Rusty then cupped Mollie's face and sang, "Smoke us a cigarette, and go back to sleee-eep, sleep, sleeeee-ee-eep!", with his lips so close to Mollie that he practically exhaled the lines into her open mouth. Rusty then gave Mollie a brief peck on her bottom lip before pulling out handfuls of 1-dollar bills from his front pockets to attempt to "make it rain" on the girls. However, they were frozen into such a stupor that they didn't even notice, let alone pick the bills up.

Rusty paid it no mind as he ran back to and jumped on the stage while singing a raspy, incomplete first line of the next rendition of the chorus:

Yeah, sensual seduction

After Rusty retook his place alongside Royal Woods Elementary's twerking faculty, a loud retching sound was heard from the back of the audience. The hot dog wiener from Rusty's pants hit a stupefied Joy in the face, triggering her to launch projectile vomit onto the back of Cristina's head.

Back on stage, Rusty tried to "whine" his waist. Unfortunately, the result was a jerky, awkward version of Chunky Chester's "Twist". It combined with Rusty's off-key voice to make everyone cringe even harder:

Sensual seduction
(Whoa, whoa!)

While Rusty slaughtered his next "Sensual seduction" line, he continued to hop, skip, and slide his feet awkwardly around the stage, inducing more cringing from the audience.

Backstage, Haiku whispered to Lucy, "What the fuck does this have to do with bullying?"

As Rusty's strident, "Sensual seduction," pierced her ears, Lucy groaned, "Sigh. They're bullying us."

(Scene Change: Royal Woods Middle School, Room 319)

Mrs. Pham's seventh grade biology class watched Rusty's performance on a TV perched in the front right corner of the class with frozen, slack-jawed experssions that matched those of their younger counterparts depicted on the screen. The screen displayed a TV image with the famous Channel 3 logo on the bottom right corner and a red news banner reading: "BREAKING NEWS: Royal Woods Elementary School Anti-Bullying Assembly", taking up the rest of the bottom of the screen. The rest of the screen depicted Rusty trying to sing a soulful, "Whoa-oh-oh," into the microphone, and mangling it so badly that it sounded more like a preschooler screaming and crying.

Mrs. Pham smiled, clapped along, and bobbed her head, urging her class with her eyes to pay attention to Rusty's performance.

Her students' horrified silence continued as Rusty launched into a tone-deaf belting of the hook's first line, "I'm gonna take my tiii-ee-ime!"

As Rusty's pathetic attempt at rhythmic clapping resonated across the classroom, Lynn Jr. felt her leaking tears seep back into her eye sockets. Her face somehow exhibited both dark red and light green blushes at the same time.

(Scene Change: Royal Woods Elementary School, Auditorium)

Back on stage, Rusty attempted the "helicopter" breakdance move as he wailed into the microphone, "Shee gon' get hers beeefoore Ieeeee!" However, Rusty's lack of skill and agility resulted in an embarrassing and painful-looking tumble the very next split-second. Rusty tried to pass off his resulting pained "Ow" cry as a cool, pop star-style "ow," but instead, Rusty's vocal tic sounded like a cracked, nasally, "Eh."

As Rusty got back to his feet, he observed his "backup dancers." The lunch ladies and teachers, both men and women, were twerking alongside Rusty. Their middle-aged bodies jiggled in ways they were never meant to, each wiggle and shake pushing the audience further into a state of disbelief and discomfort.

Rusty rushed to one of the lunch ladies, a light-skinned, obese woman with an auburn ponytail, and began to slowly and semi-rhythmically smack her jiggling butt cheeks as he sang into the microphone, "I'm gonna take it slooooooow-ooh-oh!"

The stunned, deer-in-the-headlights silence that ensued from much of the student body was only broken by those who retched at the horrors unfolding in front of them. Yet, as hard as it was for the students to watch the performance, they found it even harder to look away. Mass projectile vomiting naturally started to ensue throughout the captive crowd as students struggled to process the sheer magnitude of Rusty's performance.

Rusty then raspily bellowed into the microphone, "I'm not gonna rush the strooooke!", while continuing to smack each of the lunch lady's buttocks like bongos.

Rusty, oblivious to the rising discomfort and nausea in the room, then dropped another cringe-worthy line in his now infamous performance.

"If you don't know by now, Spokey-Spoke is a freeeak, freeeak, freeeee-ee-eeak," Rusty squealed, his voice echoing awkwardly.

Rusty emphasized each "freak" emphasized with a pelvic thrust that further added to the secondhand embarrassment permeating the auditorium.

Rusty then ran towards a twerking Cheryl and rhythmically smacked her jiggling butt cheeks. While doing this, he sang, "I keep them bad bitches with me! 7 days out the week! Week! Weeeee-ee-eek!", with a voice that somehow sounded shrill and raspy at the same time.

Backstage, Penelope vomited into an increasingly full garbage can behind her stupefied Morticians Club compatriots.

Suddenly, Principal Huggins' phone fell out of his pocket and toppled onto the stage floor, mere inches in front of the Morticians Club. The loud sound the phone made when it hit acrylic glass, combined with Rusty's nasally singing, roused Lucy and Haiku out of their stupor:

All that we ever do… is play in the sheets, sheets, sheeeee-ee-eeets!

Haiku and Lucy traded glances before Haiku softly snarled at her estranged friend, "You go. Pick it up."

Lucy lowered her head and acquiesced, "Sigh. Can't be any worse than this," as she heard Rusty screech into the microphone:

Smoke us a cigarette, and go back to slee-eep, sleep, slee-eep!

Since Principal Huggins was at the very back of the stage, Lucy managed to swipe the phone without anyone noticing as Rusty sang the opening lines of the next rendition of the chorus:

'Cause we done got a
Sensual seduction

Unfortunately for Lucy, her thumb slipped and pressed the phone screen, illuminating Principal Huggins' lock screen to not just her, but the rest of the Morticians Club. Adding to the onstage horror, Principal Huggins' lock screen was a still frame from the viral video of Lucy pooping on the Louds' back porch. The Morticians Club audibly gasped, but it was quickly drowned out by Rusty's ear-piercing next line:

Sensual seduction (Whoa, whoa)

Rusty's abhorrent singing voice snapped Lucy out of her overwhelming feelings of betrayal and horror. With a genuinely blank look on her face, Lucy pulled her phone out of her back pocket and unlocked it. Haiku instantly caught onto what Lucy was doing and held Principal Huggins' phone far enough away from Lucy that she could discreetly snap a picture of his lock screen, saving it onto her phone's library just as Rusty sang his next line:

Sensual seduction

As Lucy put her phone away, a steely resolve emerged on Haiku's face. Once both Lucy and Haiku secured their phones on their person, Haiku then turned to Bertrand and whispered, "Release Abraham. Now." Bertrand nodded and gave Abraham his secret signal to fly away, fortunately going undetected. Bertrand extended his arm, allowing Abraham to fly towards the stage as Rusty sang the last line of the chorus:

Sensual seduction, Whoa!

As the sound of turntable scratches blared across the auditorium, everyone on stage twerked alongside Rusty to the beat. Each kinetic movement of the twerking performers sent shockwaves through the audience's bodies. Cellulite on their middle-aged hips, buttocks, and thighs jiggled rhythmically to the horrifying spectacle that was Rusty's performance. The synchronized motions created a ripple effect that was almost hypnotic in its grotesqueness. As if that wasn't enough, there was now a bat flying on the stage, taking direct aim at Principal Huggins' nose. Every element of what was occurring on-stage worked together to create a display so bizarrely awful and cringey that it almost seemed surreal.

Then, as the DJ scratches briefly stopped, Abraham chomped on Principal Huggins' nose as hard he could, causing Principal Huggins to shriek in pain.

Immediately after that, an oblivious Rusty started rapping the final verse. Unfortunately, his voice squeaked awkwardly on about every fifth word, massacring the lyrics and the rhythm of the song:

I was all on the... uh, Club, sippin' some, uh... Hen?

Spontaneously, the auditorium wailed in a confused mixture of pain, horror, and cringe. Yet, Rusty pressed on:

Smokin' on a blunt of dro... dro?

Suddenly, from the midst of the horrified students, Ronnie Anne bolted upright from her seat, driven by what seemed like pure animal instinct as Rusty continued to rap:

When I, uh... peeped this little... ho' out.

Ronnie Anne's face was a mask of determination as she sprinted toward the stage, weaving through the crowd with an agility that only added to the surrealness of the scene:

I was all on the... Bar? Wind drift, uh... up. Up!
Shawty Green came on

In what would turn out to be the most ironic moment of the morning, Rusty rapped the last line, "Then she hit the floor now," just as Ronnie Anne reached the stage. Without missing a beat, she launched herself at Rusty as he tried to cup her face, slamming him to the ground as the instrumental continued to play.

Rusty tried to push Ronnie Anne off him, but Ronnie Anne used her strength to pin Rusty before ultimately sitting on him, keeping him pinned down. In a desperate attempt to save whatever shreds of pride he had left, Rusty tried to play it off by chuckling to the audience, "Whoa, settle down, ladies! I know you be wantin' the Rustman, but wait 'till after the-"

Rusty's pleas were quickly interrupted when Ronnie Anne swatted his microphone away. This triggered Rusty to repeatedly try to lift his head and pucker his lips to kiss Ronnie Anne on the cheek. Unfortunately, Ronnie Anne met each of Rusty's advances with hard punches to whatever cheek her fist was closest to. As most of the students watched Ronnie Anne deliver punch after punch to Rusty's face, they felt safe enough to finally exhale, their nightmare seemingly over.

(Scene Change: Royal Woods Middle School, Room 319)

By the time Ronnie Anne's attack on Rusty aired on the TV screen, Lynn Jr.'s tear-streaked eyes were bloodshot, and trails of tears already fallen dominated her cheeks so thoroughly that they looked like the roots of a giant tree of psychosomatic trauma. In an instant, Lynn Jr. put her hand to her mouth as she felt every bit of food she had ingested over the previous couple of days rise back up to her throat all at once. Lynn Jr. bolted out of her seat and out of her classroom, crying hysterically as she tried to hold her vomit in on the way to the nearest bathroom. Any pleas from Mrs. Pham to stop went unheeded, if not outright unheard.

Somehow, Lynn Jr. found the strength to stiff-arm a couple of students who had the same idea out of the way so she could get to an empty toilet stall before them. After slamming the girls' bathroom door open and closed, she ran into the furthest toilet stall from the door, slammed it open, and locked it. She then got on her knees, put her head over the toilet bowl, and panted. The next moment, the contents of her stomach violently spilled into the toilet bowl. While projectile vomiting into the toilet, Lynn Jr. let the physical and emotional pain she was currently experiencing out with ungodly cries of pain. These sounds intermingled with those of her retching to create some of the most horrifying noises ever heard in a middle school.

(Scene Change: Royal Woods Elementary School, Auditorium)

While teachers kept a flailing Ronnie Anne and Rusty separated, the instrumental faded into the background. Principal Huggins leapt to his feet with a face red with anger, highlighted by an almost comically swollen purple nose that seemed to protrude from his face. He growled at his students before roaring, "WHO? DID? THIS?!", while pointing to his nose. Principal Huggins' gesture frightened many of his school's students into cowering into their seats, many of which were vomit-covered.

The Morticians Club, sans Lucy Loud, immediately answered, as loudly as they could, "LUCY."

Principal Huggins whipped his body around to face the back corner of the stage where the noise came from. He then stomped toward said part of the stage with his fists clenched, teeth bared, and eyebrows furrowed. Upon seeing Principal Huggins turn his back on them, Girl Jordan, Mollie, Kat, and Sadie traded glances before sprinting out of the auditorium, making sure to close the door as quietly as they could so as to not be the next targets of Principal Huggins' ire. Joy and Cristina followed the four girls out the door as they ran into a janitor's closet. When they arrived, they slammed the door shut. They subsequently started crying hysterically into each other's arms.

Back in the auditorium, Lucy shivered in fear at Principal Huggins' glare while the rest of the Morticians Club held firm gazes. After staring Lucy down, Principal Huggins jabbed his finger into Lucy's nose and snarled, "YOU did this?"

Lucy gave Principal Huggins a solemn, remorseful nod before reaching into her back pocket and pulling out the principal's phone. She handed Principal Huggins her phone and blankly told him, "You forgot this."

Principal Huggins pried his phone from Lucy's hands and stuffed it in his back pocket. His eyes then scanned the stage for a spare microphone, which he fortunately found a few steps to the left of the Morticians Club.

Principal Huggins ripped the microphone off its pedestal, turned it up to its highest volume, and bellowed, "LUCY LOUD, YOU ASSAULTED A SCHOOL STAFF MEMBER! YOU ARE EXPELLED!"

Lucy gasped as tears started to pool in her eyes. The only thing she heard was Katherine Mulligan telling the camera, "From Royal Woods Elementary School, I'm Katherine Mulligan, signing out."

As Katherine and her crew fled the scene, Nurse Patti and Cheryl escorted Principal Huggins away from the auditorium.

Nurse Patti urged Principal Huggins, "Come on, let's get that bite disinfected!"

Principal Huggins whined, "My nose! My ding-dang nose!"

Cheryl reassured him, "Oh, it's not a big deal! You want me to call your doctor to get you your rabies shot?!"

Principal Huggins winced, "Yup. As soon as possible!", while the trio exited stage left, the slamming of the door behind them echoing throughout the silent auditorium.

Then, Brittany suddenly shrieked, "WE'RE SORRY, LUCY! THANK YOU!"

In an instant, Royal Woods Elementary School's student body jumped to their feet and gave Lucy a deafening standing ovation.

The stunned teachers who were keeping Rusty and Ronnie Anne away from each other immediately let go of them to try to urge their raucous students, "Calm down, everyone… be quiet." However, it was to no avail. Within a few seconds, Lana started chanting Lucy's name, and the entire school immediately and enthusiastically joined in.

To make matters worse, as soon as teachers let go of Ronnie Anne and Rusty, Rusty extended his arms and encouraged his fellow students, "Come on, y'all! Show A Pimp Named Spokealicious some love!" Within the next split-second, Ronnie Anne tackled Rusty to the floor below the stage and resumed the beating she had been administering to him.

Clyde and Paige, who were seated next to each other, exchanged glances before running towards the front of the auditorium. When they found an equally stunned Lindsay leaning back in her seat with her mouth agape, they stopped and gave her an urgent gaze before continuing to run towards a door to the right of the stage. Immediately understanding the situation, Lindsay immediately bolted from her seat and followed them out the door, and eventually, out of the school.

Meanwhile, an overwhelmed Lucy noticed Lola, Lana, and Lisa rushing towards the stage, presumably to wrap her up in a group hug. Already on the verge of tears, Lucy began openly crying before running down a set of stairs leading away from the stage and out of the auditorium.

Haiku moved to chase Lucy, crying, "Lucy, wait!" However, when she noticed that her voice was drowned out amidst the roars of her fellow students, she followed Lucy out the auditorium doors and began to chase Lucy down herself.

Royal Woods Elementary's staff, having completely lost control of the situation, could only helplessly grasp at air as they tried to stop a flood of hundreds of students from rushing the stage to also beat up Rusty. Neither the loudest whistles, nor any staff member's microphone-boosted warnings, were heeded by any of the students who had so overwhelmingly turned against their authority figures. Those staff members who tried to stand between the students and Rusty were either trampled or tackled and beaten up themselves. Within half a minute, a mish-mashed group of students from all grades and classes, including Liam, Zach, and Simon, surrounded Rusty and Ronnie Anne, getting their punches and kicks in on any exposed part of Rusty's body they could hit. Larger circles of students quickly surrounded this inner circle, as if waiting for their chance to hit Rusty for tormenting them.

Rusty spat through his bloodied lips, "Y'all… j-just a b-bunch o-of P-Playa Hataz!", each word interrupted by a strike from another annoyed student.

After reaching the stage and gazing up at the disco ball, Lana gasped, a mischievous idea coming to her head. Lana wasted no time whistling for the students in the outermost circle to join her in rushing the stage. Said students helped Lana carry a ladder she found in a dark back corner of the stage underneath the disco ball. Lana then climbed the ladder, grabbed her tool box, and got to work loosening and unscrewing the chain holding the disco ball above the center of the stage. As this happened, Lisa pulled out a heat-ray wrist device and commanded Lana to back away. After Lana safely reached the stage floor, Lisa aimed her device at the chain holding the disco ball up. Within a few seconds, the disco ball fell to the ground, shattering to pieces on impact. The roars of approval that ensued amongst the rest of the students drowned out any noise the disco ball made when it landed on the stage's dance floor.

(Time Skip: 5 minutes later, Nurse Patti's Office)

As Principal Huggins walked out of the bathroom, now with a slightly less swollen nose, he grumbled, "Note to self: if a Loud mentions that they're worried about one of their own being 'bad luck', believe them. Always believe them."

With worry crossing her face, Nurse Patti asked, "Are you gonna be OK, Wilbur?"

Principal Huggins sighed with the slightest shake of his head, "I will be. I just have to get myself to the hospital, you know? Get that rabies shot taken care of."

Nurse Patti pressed on, "What's wrong?"

Principal Huggins mouthed, "You know, Patti, have you noticed that there have been a lot of weird events going on with the Loud family lately?"

Nurse Patti groaned, "Those guys? I swear, one of them's been in my office at least every week ever since I started here!"

Principal Huggins conceded, "I know, I know," before insinuating, "But lately… it's been more frequent and absurd than usual."

Nurse Patti replied, "I'm not following."

Principal Huggins began, "It started when that Ronnie Anne Santiago girl had to come into my office after that fight she had with Clyde McBride, who suddenly started talking like a Jamaican for some reason. All over some prank Ronnie Anne was going to pull on-", before he gasped as he realized the word he was about to say next.

Nurse Patti fretted, "What's wrong?"

Principal Huggins snarled, "Lincoln."

Nurse Patti demanded, "What? What about him?"

Principal Huggins realized, "Oh my god… it all makes sense. It was Lincoln's 'Girl Guru' mess that ruined Clyde's Perfect Attendance streak and turned Clyde into the truant thug he is now! It was Lincoln who got Ronnie Anne in trouble and made me set up these anti-bullying assemblies! Then, Lincoln ditches school for three days because, according to his 'parents', who I'm not even sure were actually his parents, he had to go to the hospital. When he comes back, he draws his stupid comics in class, convinces Clyde to turn the cafeteria into a rave, and I end up having to suspend the best candidate to be my Principal's Assistant. And the things I've been hearing about his sisters and parents lately in the halls… not to mention the bullying I've seen against them…"

"Oh my god, Lincoln's sisters were right! It should have been him I expelled, instead of his spooky witch sister, Lucy!", Principal Huggins facepalmed.

Nurse Patti started, "Wilbur-"

"NO!", Principal Huggins yelled.

"His sisters and parents might have been onto something when they complained to me that he was 'bad luck'! Everyone he associates with has turned into a troublemaker! I bet he convinced Lucy to bring that bat into school that bit me on my nose! And to take the fall for it! Because of that brat, I might die of rabies! It's a good thing I confiscated that comic of his, or else he would have been spreading slanderous lies against all of us! That kid is a toxic influence on this school!"

Princilal Huggins then stomped out of the room with his fists clenched as Nurse Patti tried to plead with him, "Wilbur, wait!"

Principal Huggins then slammed the door in Nurse Patti's face, prompting her to put her hand in her head and sigh, "Oh, Wilbur, don't do anything rash."

As Principal Huggins walked through the office's reception area, Cheryl observed the miffed look on his face and asked him, "You OK, Wilbur?"

Principal Huggins stopped dead in his tracks, turned around to lock eyes with Cheryl, and stormed up to her desk. He then commanded, "Cheryl, get me on the phone with Mr. and Mrs. Loud first thing tomorrow morning."

Cheryl gazed at Principal Huggins' swollen nose and started, "But you-"

"I don't care," Principal Huggins interrupted. "I'll be there. It's time that Loud boy… Lincoln… learned his place in our school."

Principal Huggins proceeded to stomp away from the office and out of the school. As Principal Huggins walked to the parking lot, he steamed to himself, "That Loud boy is done. DONE."

Principal Huggins then got in his car and sped off for Royal Woods Hospital to get the shots he needed to fight off the infections he may have received when Abraham bit him.

Closing A/N: So… I'm back. To those of you who have been wondering where the heck I went, two words: writer's block. When I started to write my initial version of this chapter, I quickly learned that it essentially added nothing to the plot, and so, I spent a lot of the summer wondering what to do next. Following the Lucy-Savino NSL retcon also kept me occupied. Also, I was quite busy this summer with video games & real life stuff. After a lot of contemplation and uncertainty, I decided to move up some crucial plotlines I had planned for later. This was the first domino to fall. Admittedly, I also found it extremely hard to write most of this chapter without breaking into spontaneous cringing and screaming. It's one thing to outline what you write, and a completely different beast to actually write it. Thanks to everyone who's helped me get to this point, and everyone who's continuing to help me!

A/N 2: That unnamed red-headed middle school girl with a ponytail seen in a few episodes? That's Chelsea.

A/N 3: Lynn Jr.'s line? Shoutout to Goodfellas.

A/N 4: Rusty's "diapers" line is based on an actual tweet from someone named Beetlepimp from around the same time this story takes place. It was so funny and fitting I decided that tweet would be an in-universe meme. Hence, why Rusty quotes it.

A/N 5: Superintendent Chen's interview with Katherine Mulligan? Yup… someone actually said that on TikTok. Be afraid.

A/N 6: Regarding the aftermath of Principal Huggins' bat bite… I looked up treatment strategies, and based what Principal Huggins would be going through on what I looked up. If there's anything I missed, or if anyone has specialized knowledge on bat bite treatment and recovery, please, KINDLY, let me know.

What will become of Lucy and the Morticians Club? Rusty? Principal Huggins? Where is everyone running away to? Will Lynn Jr. survive these blows to her reputation? Will order be restored at Royal Woods Elementary? Find out by continuing to read… REVERSAL! OF! FORTUNE!