"You sure you're gonna be okay by yourself?" Matt asked as he got ready to leave for the next shift.

Kelly was sitting on the couch looking at the new TV even though it wasn't on.

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

"If you need me, call me," Casey said as he picked up his bag.

Kelly nodded, "I will, I promise."

Casey paused just before reaching the door and stood there for a minute.

"I love you," he said.

The corners of Severide's mouth slightly turned upward but his lips pursed together until they about disappeared in an awkward smirk before he replied, "I love you too."

Casey was standing on the apparatus floor leaned against the side of 81 when he heard footsteps coming towards him. He turned his head and saw Sylvie come around the corner.

"You're missing lunch," she said.

"I'm not really hungry," he replied, "what about you?"

"Oh..." Sylvie made a nauseated face and explained, "We just got back from taking someone with a bad case of food poisoning to the hospital...damage to the Ambo was thankfully minimal but...Servicemaster wouldn't be able to clean that bathroom floor. After that, food loses its appeal."

Matt lightly chuckled. "Amateur."

She didn't respond to that but asked, "So, how's Severide doing?"

Casey shrugged. "Hard to say, especially since I can't really talk about it."

"I get it," Brett replied, "I mean I don't but...I know what it's like when you don't want people prying. But is there anything we can do?"

Casey shrugged again. "I know if everyone at 51 knew what he was going through, they would have his back...but he doesn't feel that way, and I can't really say I blame him. It's...it's complicated...it's just...it's a lot."

"Well, whatever it is, I hope he's feeling better soon," she said. "In the meantime he's very lucky to have you for a friend to help him."

"I'm not sure I agree," Matt told her. "I've done everything I know to help him and it's just not enough."

Once again Casey had fought the urge to text Kelly about a hundred times that shift just to know what he was up to and that he was okay. Kelly never called. Matt knew he wouldn't, regardless of what was happening. He thought about texting Kelly when shift changed, but he decided to just head straight for home and talk to him in person, and hoped he didn't walk into a worse scenario than last time.

Matt put his key in the door and went in, and was immediately met with a confusing sight of Kelly sitting cross legged on the floor.

"Oh good, you're here," Kelly said in a groan, "help me, my feet are seizing up and I can't move."

"Are you okay?" Casey asked as he knelt down and pulled Severide's feet out from under him one by one. "What happened?"

"I was trying to meditate," Kelly answered.

Casey paused for a moment before asking cluelessly, "Huh?"

Kelly stretched his arm out to the side and wiggled his fingers. "Hand me my phone."

Matt only then saw it on the floor a couple feet out of his reach and slid it over to him. Kelly picked it up and brought something up on the screen.

"I finally decided to do something," Kelly said.

The message board was up again. Matt looked up in the corner and saw a user name. "You joined?"

"I decided it might be better to talk to people that know what I've been through, and that I don't have to look at," Kelly admitted. "I figure maybe they can pass on some advice they got from their own therapists."

Matt spent a minute taking this in, he didn't dare hope for too much, but still...

"How'd it go?"

"I probably typed the whole thing ten times before I finally posted it," Kelly answered as he flexed his feet to get the feeling back into them. "But...it was actually easier than I thought it'd be. I've been reading some of their suggestions for what helped them work through what happened to them...got a lot of suggestions, meditation, yoga, someone suggested scream therapy but..." Kelly squinted skeptically, "all that'd probably do is get the cops called on us."

Casey lightly chuckled in response. "So how does the meditation work?"

"Beats the hell out of me," Kelly shrugged his shoulders and shook his head, "I'm not exactly sure what it's supposed to accomplish but all I can focus on is how much it's killing my knees."

That got a slightly louder laugh out of the blonde.

"I don't know," Kelly shook his head, "I don't know that any of it will actually help me, but...gives me something else to think about for a while anyway."

"That's good," Matt said, "that's something anyway."

Kelly nodded.

"So how long were you like that?" Casey asked.

"Too damn long," Kelly winced as he tried wiggling his toes. "I'm not exactly sure how this meditation crap is supposed to work, whole time I'm trying to stay focused, I keep thinking I need to get a new windshield wiper for my car...I need to get my insurance check in the mail tomorrow, got a dentist appointment coming up and I hate them."

Casey looked like he was going to fall on the floor beside Kelly. "I always figured that's how it'd really work."

"Yeah," Kelly grunted dismissively, and added, "maybe the yoga will be more productive."

"You? Yoga?"

He shrugged, "Worth a try, right?"

"Right."

"At least there the only thing I'll have to focus on will be not losing my balance and falling on my face."

"It's worth trying anyway," Casey offered a small smile and told him, "I'm proud of you, Kelly."

He would've sworn he saw the color in Severide's cheeks darken at that. The squad lieutenant glanced down for a brief second but responded, "Thanks."

"Kelly."

"Hmm?"

Severide looked up from the TV and saw Casey standing in front of him. For some reason Kelly flashed on an angry housewife about to give her husband a to-do list.

"Get your keys."

"Why?" Kelly asked.

"We're going to the store."

"Why?" Kelly felt himself slightly inching back on the couch, not wanting to go anywhere, not wanting to...see anyone.

"Because there's like, no food in the fridge," Matt answered.

Kelly knew that that was supposed to be some kind of motivating factor, but he still didn't see a pressing need for him to leave the house.

"Come on," Casey gestured to the door, "we can get done quicker going together."

Kelly didn't say he didn't want to go, but he was sure it was still evident. But he could tell the blonde man wasn't budging on the issue. Reluctantly, he stood up from the couch, found his wallet and keys, and the two of them got into his car, and drove to the grocery store.

Casey stayed a few steps behind Kelly and watched the man as he made his way down one aisle, then the next. He knew Kelly didn't want to come and he knew his best friend still didn't feel up to being out in public around other people, especially around women, that was especially obvious.

Matt knew this was the last thing Kelly wanted, but he also knew being a good friend meant being the bad guy, like a parent, he had to force Kelly to do things he didn't want to, because it was for his own good in the long run. Kelly withdrawing from the outside world made sense, but he was going to have to reintegrate himself sooner or later, and this seemed like a good way to get in some practice at it.

It was hard to watch, Kelly who'd always been so carefree and nonchalant, stepped cautiously through the store. They'd come during the rush hour so the place was full, especially with women out shopping. Young women, old women, teenage girls, all of whom Kelly doubled back and turned to the side and flattened himself against the shelves so he didn't accidentally bump into any of them. It would be funny to watch if it wasn't so heartbreaking, but Casey figured it would help Kelly adjust to being out around other people again. The day was going to come when he'd be heading back to 51 and he couldn't be having a meltdown every time a woman brushed against him or asked him out for a drink.

The Squad lieutenant picked up a can of instant coffee and dropped it in the cart. "Can we go now?"

"We still need bread, eggs, a gallon of milk, and a new can of salt."

Kelly grumbled as they turned and headed down the next aisle.

The sound of somebody vomiting woke Kelly up.

He shot up in bed before his eyes were fully open but when they were he saw he was in his room and he could just faintly see sunlight coming in the windows, meaning it was early but not quite time to get up yet. He sat there for a minute, wondering if he'd just been dreaming, but the disturbing sound repeated, muffled through the wall.

Casey.

Kelly got to his feet and stumbled out of the bedroom. The door to Casey's room was open and he could already see nobody was in there, he stepped over to the bathroom and found the door open there too, and the lights off.

"Matt?"

He reached for the light switch and found it. As soon as the lights came on Kelly heard a ghastly sound emanating from Casey as he raised a hand to shield his eyes.

"Sorry."

Kelly flipped the lights back off and plunged the bathroom into almost total darkness.

A migraine.

It had been a while since Casey had had one, but when they hit they were brutal.

In the dark he heard the strangled noise of his friend retching before it flat out sounded like Casey's whole body was being twisted inside out.

Kelly backed out of the bathroom and he felt his mind scrambling. He felt like he was having an out of body experience as he headed over to Casey's room, threw on the lights and checked the contents of the nightstand. No pill bottles, he checked the drawers and when that search turned up empty, Kelly rifled through Matt's dresser. Nothing.

Think, Severide, think, he tried to focus.

They kept some medicines in the kitchen. Kelly hotfooted it in there and checked the bottles in the cupboard over the sink.

Shit.

No Excedrin. Nothing for migraines.

Think, Kelly, think!

He was trying to think, of several things. One he was trying to figure out when they'd run out, and why they hadn't restocked it since. Why didn't they pick up any yesterday when they were at the store? Answer was practically in the question, he realized, he hadn't been good for anything for weeks, and Casey had had his hands full keeping everything going, even he couldn't remember everything. Kelly huffed as he realized it was no surprise Matt was having a migraine now after everything he'd been going through trying to keep Kelly pulled together, let alone himself, all the while keeping 51 in the dark as much as he could about what was going on.

Slowly Kelly's brain started to remember something. There were three main ingredients to Excedrin, he remembered because they were listed right on the front of the box, he'd seen it enough times he ought to remember: acetaminophen, aspirin, and...caffeine. He ransacked the cupboard rifling through the various pill bottles. They had aspirin, they had Tylenol. This could work until he could actually get to the store. Remembering the lacking ingredient, Kelly stopped by the fridge long enough to get a can of soda out and took it to the bathroom. With only the light coming in through the windows on the other side of the room to illuminate the dark bathroom, he could see Casey hadn't moved very far from where he was, only now he was sitting curled in a ball leaning against the cupboard under the sink.

"Here, Matt," Kelly kept his voice low as he crouched down beside his friend and fumbled the pills into his hand, "take these, it should help."

Casey groaned as he accepted them. "Thanks."

"Take this with them," Kelly popped the can open and handed it to the blonde.

Casey made a muffled sound as he took a drink of the soda, and Kelly would swear he could hear Matt doing a double take. "Mountain Dew again?"

Kelly shrugged. "It's all we got in the fridge."

He waited until Matt took another drink and softly said to him, "Come on, let's get you back to bed."

Casey moaned and Kelly could hear him shaking his head more than anything as he weakly insisted, "No, I'm good, I need to-"

"You need to sleep this off," Kelly said as he grabbed Matt under his armpits and stood up, pulling the blonde to his feet in the process. "Come on, once the pills have a chance to kick in you'll feel better."

Matt weakly resisted the whole way back to his bedroom but it was obvious he didn't have it in him to really fight Severide's decision.

The covers had been tossed back haphazardly, Kelly held them up so Matt could crawl back in, which he did with a soft moan.

"Do you want me to stay with you?" Kelly asked.

Right offhand he couldn't recall any migraines he'd ever had, least of all that weren't hangover induced; it didn't strike him though as something you'd want company for, but what did he know?

Casey weakly shook his head but could only manage about an inch either way. "No."

"Okay," Kelly nodded, "but I'm right here, if you need anything, let me know."

Matt closed his eyes and nodded just as weakly.

Kelly stood over the bed watching Casey for a minute before he quietly retreated back to his own room.

Severide could feel a gnawing sensation throughout his whole stomach. He didn't like seeing Casey like that, helpless, in pain, and there wasn't much of anything he could do to help. If anything he felt like this was his fault. He'd been absolutely useless ever since his attack, and all the responsibilities had fallen to Matt, to keep the apartment going, to keep Kelly going, and of course his own priorities always came last, especially when it came to taking care of himself. Because that's the kind of person Matt Casey was, he always put himself last. And they'd been friends for almost 20 years, long enough for Kelly to know that, and he should've realized it, but he'd been too absorbed in himself to notice, let alone care.

He felt like he'd just woken up from a coma, he'd been out of commission for so long and lost so much valuable time. He had to get it together and he had to get everything back in order, he hadn't realized it before but too much was riding on it.

The afternoon sun poured in through the window but Matt Casey was oblivious to it, along with anything else in his surroundings. Kelly stood in the open doorway and saw the blonde lieutenant curled on his side, still asleep. Casey had slept all day, which was both alarming to Kelly, and also a relief. On one hand, he hadn't had anything to eat or drink all day, on the other hand, he hadn't thrown up again.

Matt looked like he was at peace, Kelly hated to wake up but knew it was for his own good. He went over to the bed and stood over Casey and watched him breathing, then reached down and nudged his arm.

"Matt."

"Hmm..."

Casey's eyes slowly opened, and he blinked. "What time is it?"

"4 o' clock. How're you feeling?"

Matt slowly sat up and answered, "Better."

"Feel like eating?"

Casey gave him a wry look and pursed his lips together.

"Not really hungry."

"You need to eat."

"I need a drink."

"That too."

Kelly sat on the edge of the bed and looked at him. "I'm sorry, Casey."

Matt blinked again. "For what?"

"Everything. Letting this thing take over my whole life, making me completely useless."

"Kelly, you're not-"

"No...I haven't been good for anything the past few weeks, it's true...I'm sorry, Matt, I didn't mean for you to get stuck dealing with everything because I couldn't. I promise, I'm going to do better."

Casey shook his head. "I don't care about you doing better, Kelly, just that you get better."

Kelly nodded, "I will...I promise, I...I've been going crazy all day trying to figure out what to do."

He'd been so desperate to have something to do, something to keep him busy, keep his mind occupied, so he didn't have to think too long or hard about it. He'd found Casey's to-do list he'd written the night before, and tended to as much of it as he could. Once again he'd cleaned just about everything in the apartment he could without disturbing Casey. He'd also gotten on his phone and ordered a grocery delivery, including several boxes of Excedrin to make sure Casey wouldn't run out for probably five years. After that he'd run out of things to keep busy, so he did something he'd been putting off.

Kelly took out his phone and showed Matt, "I asked the people on the message board if they had any pointers for how to stop obsessing about this...you know...always looking around for...her...because, I just can't keep doing this anymore."

Casey winced when he heard that, sharing his best friend's pain very deeply. Kelly was worried he was losing his mind from this, and Casey worried he was losing his mind watching it happen and feeling completely helpless about it.

"One of the women on the board," Kelly told him, "had something very interesting to offer."

"What?" Casey asked.

"She pointed out that this woman might not even be from Chicago, she might've just been passing through, she might live in another city, state, halfway across the country, and even if she doesn't, it's possible I wouldn't see her again, because she might travel for work, or she might be relocating for a job...or she might even get arrested on a different charge...or she could even die sometime, somewhere, and I wouldn't have any idea, so I'd be looking over my shoulder for nothing. I really hadn't thought about that possibility, but it makes sense."

Casey nodded. "It does." It gave him something to hope for anyway.

Kelly looked at him sheepishly as he struggled to respond, "I...I'm gonna try anyway."

Matt sighed. "I know how hard this has been for you, Kelly...but I know you're gonna get through this."

Kelly nodded, "Yeah, but only because you've helped me to do it."

"I don't know about that."

Kelly looked him in the eyes and responded, "I do."