Title: To Drive Out Darkness
Rating: PG-13/T
Originally posted: 28th April 2022
Originally written for: Casta_X
Characters/Pairings: Rey/Ben
Notes: for Fluffity Fluff Exchange 2022 on Dreamwidth and AO3.

Kylo Ren bent for no-one. He never had to, he never would. Ben Solo wore the same face, inhabited the same body, but he wasn't the same person. He could bend, if he needed too, but his character was not so vastly different to the First Order's former leader. It did not come easy to alter so much, so fast.

Sometimes he just got angry, the darkness seemed to descend, plunging him back to the bad days. The lonely, painful times in his life, when the only way to get through was to lash out. She didn't deserve it and he always felt instantly awful, but it took a lot to back down, to apologise, to find the light within all over again.

Perhaps if she were not so strong herself, he would keep himself in better check. In all ways, he saw Rey as his equal, and so she was. With a lightsaber, in her command of the Force, in quick wit and sharp mind and strong arm, she matched him every time. To all this, however, she had other elements that he could not find an equal for.

She had a kinder heart, feelings that dwelled within so fragile a shell. Enemies were easily vanquished, simply tossed aside, she felt nothing of their blows, but those she loved could strike her deeply. The one she loved most was probably capable of fatal blows without ever meaning to hurt her. Ben wished he was not always so quick to prove the fact so true. He didn't mean to be, and yet.

Taking a deep breath, he hoped to find within himself the words to properly make her understand. There was so much they never needed to say, that was conveyed through thoughts and feelings that only the two of them could hear and experience together. Such was the nature of the dyad. Unfortunately, it meant neither one could be caught in a lie, not even a kind one to save the other pain, and when he was vicious, in a moment's darkness and cruelty, Rey felt it with all her senses. She had no way to withdraw before the damage was done.

Walking through to the bedroom, he was sure to find her there. Ben was startled to find he was wrong in that, only then to realise she had passed through the far door to the balcony, hands braced against the rail. Her back was to him, but he knew better than to think she did not sense his approach. She always knew, just as he did, when the other was near. He only hoped she knew so much more than that. That every word of the apology he would give her was real.

Striding out onto the balcony, he quickly arrived at her side, opened his mouth to speak, but was swiftly cut off by her own words.

"I know you're sorry, so don't even say it. You're always sorry."

Somehow, she made it sound like an accusation more than acceptance. Harsh words that struck him like a handful of sharp stones in the face. Ben felt himself physically flinch, though every part of the shock was well-deserved, he knew.

"Rey..."

The moment even one finger of his made contact with one of hers, she pulled her hand away, turned her head, even turned her back a little. Ben's heart contracted in his chest. She wouldn't take his words or his touch, then he would have to use other means. Letting his eyes fall shut, he conveyed all he would say, all he would do, all he needed her to know, directly into her head.

It was not something they ever did lightly, an invasion of a person's mind was exactly that and could be so unwelcome. He trod carefully, picked his path in soft steps as he knocked on the door of her thoughts and begged entry on his knees.

After several painful moments, Rey acquiesced.

It would have been easier to let him speak, to let him just hold her and promise not to be so quick to anger next time they didn't agree on something so ridiculous, but she just couldn't bear to give in so easily. She had before and he never did change.

It wasn't entirely Ben's fault. After all he had been through, that kind of trauma left scars that ran so deep. She had more than a few of her own to bear and those were without ever once setting foot into the dark side.

Even so, she was determined not to always be the one to fix everything for him, to always forgive too easily. At some point, he had to learn to keep his temper in check, to not always jump from disappointment or frustration to the nastiest, base remarks that never failed to wound her.

Allowing him into her head, she let her eyes fall shut and watched him paint a picture there that told of his true love for her, as well as the apology he wanted to give that was so sincere. A warm glow seemed to surround her as the connection between them was firmly re-established. As she met his pain with her own, as they turned each other's sorrow to comfort and consolation, and she forgave him his foolish crime.

When her arms, that had been crossed in anger, softened to hug herself, Rey was startled to find Ben's arms were around her too, that her hands were resting on his hands, that the warmth of his whole body was radiating against her back.

"Sometimes, I'm an idiot," he told her, his quiet, low tone vibrating deliciously down her back.

"Only sometimes?" she quipped without pause, unable to keep the smile out of her words.

If nothing else, she knew her joke would prove he was forgiven, even better than any lightness she passed to him through their Force connection. Leaning back into his embrace, she felt him relax with her and plant a kiss against her hair.

"I don't deserve you, do I?"

"Okay, now you're going too far," Rey insisted, turning in his arms and meeting his eyes with a little returning anger flashing in her own gaze. "Ben, we have been over this a hundred times. You don't always do or say the right thing and... and it hurts, and yes, you need to get better at that, but you have to stop thinking of yourself as a monster. It won't help you. It won't help either of us," she insisted.

His eyes went to the ground then. Shame faced, like a scolded child, he was never more pathetic or more adorable. Almost a puppy, caught with his owner's shredded shoe in his teeth. Ben would insist on being worthless, no matter how many times Rey reminded him he was the most important person in the galaxy to her. If only she could make him see.

"Ben, nobody's perfect," she reminded him, gripping his hands, raising one of them to her lips to kiss and smiling softly when she got his attention back at last. "I don't expect you to try for that. Just think before you lash out. Take a breath, count to ten, find your calm, whatever it takes. We'll work on it together," she promised, "but don't ever, ever think that you're not loved, that you're not worthy, because you are."

She impressed her words upon him, backed them up with every emotion and feeling she could share. She gave all she had to make him see, to help him understand, knew she had succeeded when she saw the single tear streak down his cheek, his arms reaching to pull her closer still.

Holding on tightly, they drew strength and healing love from one another. Through the Force, they were connected, but through their hearts, they were forever tied in just as strong a way.

Together there was nothing they could not do nor overcome, including each other's past pains and sufferings. In the end, that was all that really mattered, living together in the light, embracing it and each other, always.