Starco vs Parenthood Introduction - These stories can be read separately but they're all connected. It's always the same Star & Marco, same kids, same world.
This is set about 7 years after Cleaved. Star and Marco are 22 and have been married for 7 months. It is about a month before their first child is born. Note that any text in italics belongs to Star.
Favs, reviews, and constructive feedback are all really helpful. Thanks!
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Chapter 11 - Safe to Talk About Anything Dimension
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Phone in hand, Star walks to the front hall of their one bedroom apartment after hearing the door open.
"MARCO!? It's almost 1 AM, where the corn have you been!? Don't you have a meeting with your department head in the morning?"
"I'm sorry, Star. I just couldn't close my eyes. I needed some...some fresh air."
"Not cool Marco! I was just about to call you. Maybe don't leave the apartment in the middle of the night without telling your pregnant wife where you're going! You know I only woke up because I have this narwhal jumping on my bladder and you...oh corn have you been crying?"
"Nah, it's nothing. Just a little down."
"Your eyes are all red. Come here! What's wrong? What happened?"
"It's nothing, just some stuff on my mind. Don't worry about me, you need your rest."
"No-no-no. Hoodie off and you get into that bed."
"You don't-"
"Hey! I was worried when I didn't see you and now I'm going to stay worried until I know what's going on inside that beautiful noggin of yours."
"Star...please. You don't have to worry about me. You have a baby to take care of. I'm okay, really. Just sleep"
"Too late, I'm up and I need to know what's going on. Warning! If you don't tell me exactly what these thoughts are in the next two minutes I'm going to have another Star sized pregnancy-hormone-induced-freak-out. Nobody wants that. Now, come here! Up on the bed and lay your head down on my baby-belly, right here in front of me."
"Wait a sec, Star. I gotta take these off." As he spoke the young man quickly untied his shoes.
The young woman points to her wrist as if she's wearing a watch. "Time is ticking Marco."
"Okay-okay, I'm here. Am I hurting you or the baby?"
"Nope, just don't put all your weight on her. Maybe if you're lucky she'll kick you. Now...how about we both take a few deep breaths and then I want to hear EVERYTHING."
While holding hands the two fill and empty their lungs in unison until they both felt relaxed. After almost a minute, Marco looks up at his wife trying to judge her state of mind. "Are you calm now?"
"Super calm. You ready to talk?"
"I don't know, Star. It feels wrong to talk about how I feel when you're the one carrying our baby"
"Do we need to get inside the Safe-Zone Hula-hoop so you can talk? I added more stickers to it last week."
"We don't have to use that thing. I-I'll pretend we're inside the Safe-to-Talk-About-Anything-Dimension."
"Okay if I touch your hair while you talk?"
"Sure. That sounds nice."
Slowly the former princess began running her fingers across his scalp. "Just relax my little Marco. Tell Mama Star everything. Does this relate to the baby?"
"Not really. I was just wondering about...this might sound dumb."
"Safe-Zone, not the Neverzone. Everything is safe to talk about here in the Safe-Zone."
"So-o-o-o, during the baby shower today I was watching you talking with Tom and I...I went back there."
"Ah, back where?"
"All over again I'm fifteen and I'm thinking about how much I loved you but we weren't together. It's all the same sad thoughts I had when I used to lay awake at night on that castle bed."
"D-did I do anything weird at the baby shower? Was this my fault?"
"No-no, not at all. Both you and Tom were perfectly fine. You two seemed to be having a great time talking and then this thought popped in my brain. What if you and Tom had stayed together...would you and he...ah, never mind."
"Oh baby! You thought, what if it was a baby shower for Tom and I!?"
"I know it was stupid of me to go there, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. After the party, I tried to distract myself with chores, you know, to forget about it. But by midnight, I had nothing left to do. Everything was clean...the dishes put away. So I just went for a walk."
"I noticed you were focused on cleaning but I never made the connection. I'm going to worry now that you're upset the next time you get the cleanup bug."
"Please don't do that. It's not like I enjoy cleaning all the time, sometimes there's a mess that annoys me. But yeah, other times I do it to avoid thinking about stuff. I figure it's better than doing something reckless or stupid."
"You have -no idea- how glad I am that you never go out and do anything stupid. So, I want to hear exactly why you're having these sad feelings? We've been together years and years now and you know how much I love you."
"I know, but sometimes I still doubt myself. Even after everything we've done, everything we've been through, all the good we've accomplished, all the recognition we've received like the knighthoods and the school awards, even with ALL that, some days I still feel like I'm not good enough. I feel like I don't deserve to be happy. I feel like I don't deserve you. It doesn't happen often, but every now and then I get these thoughts. I feel like that lost kid again."
"Marco, I had no idea. I'll tell ya, I totally feel like I don't deserve you with everything you do for us but I'm guessing hearing that doesn't help right now."
"Not really. Star, you're the best thing that ever happened to me. We belong together, but my brain doesn't always listen."
"How long have we been a couple?"
"Dating and married, coming up on seven years three months."
"And how often does this happen?"
"I'm not sure. I feel like I'm not worthy of you more often than I'd like, but this sad, maybe once or twice a year."
"When this sadness comes, have you been hiding it from me every time?"
"Yeah, but it was worse tonight since..."
"Since what? Tell me!"
"I shouldn't say anything."
"Marco, Safe-Zone! That's it, I'm getting the Hula-hoop!"
"No-no, please don't go. I'll tell you, I'll tell you. So when Tom arrived, he was chatting with me about his love life, how things were awkward for him and Janna because he wants something serious and she is still all about having no commitments. Anyway, we got into this conversation about how he's a prince and he wants a family someday. He said he's been thinking about looking for other royals to hang out with, befriend, a-and maybe start a future with"
"I totally feel bad for Jantom but how does this relate to your feelings?"
"Star, what were you when you and Tom started dating?"
"Aaah...a princess?"
"When he broke up with you didn't he say something about how you two were 'headed to different places'."
"Marco! You think he broke up with me because I wasn't a princess anymore?"
"I don't think he broke up with you ONLY because of that, but he brings up being a prince all the time. It could be part of the reason."
"Best man at our wedding Tom."
"Yup. I'm mad at myself for thinking he was that shallow back then, but maybe if you stayed a princess...he never breaks up with you...and...and maybe you're living comfortably with him instead of with me in this crappy one room apartment. Maybe you aren't stuck struggling to pay for college while keeping on top of bills. Maybe that's the life you deserve and somehow I kept you from being happier."
"Marco, let's play this 'maybe' game you have going on in your head. What if you really didn't deserve me. Don't I still get a say in all this? You know I'd never let myself be some prize to the 'most deserving'. It took awhile for us to admit that we loved each other but when I'm with you I'm home, no matter where that is. We're always going to be together. With or without magic. With or without Tom. With or without...OH! DID YOU FEEL THAT ONE!? She totally kicked you in the head. I think she is telling you to agree with me."
"Is it too soon to teach her karate?"
"How about we wait until AFTER she's born."
"I love you. I'm sorry I started thinking about this tonight."
"I love you too. Now move your noggin, I have to pee again."
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One minute later.
"HEY, IS IT WEIRD THAT I KEEP TALKING TO YOU ABOUT THIS FROM THE BATHROOM?"
"Is it weird that you peed just before I got home and that was maybe ten minutes ago?"
"I CAN'T HELP IT! I BLAME ZONING. WHO PUTS A BABY-BOUNCE-LOUNGE RIGHT NEXT TO A BLADDER? SO I'M THINKING ABOUT YOUR THOUGHTS ON TOMMY-TOM-TOM AND NOBILITY. LAST TIME I SEE TOM BEFORE HE BREAKS UP WITH ME I TELL HIM THAT I'M REALLY EXCITED ABOUT -NOT- BEING A PRINCESS ANYMORE AND I NEED TIME TO FIGURE THINGS OUT. HE...HOLD ON..."
From the bed Marco can hear the toilet flush and the noise of running water as hands are being washed.
"Now I'm feeling much better. Move over, I want my warm spot back. Alright. So he was really hurt when I wouldn't go on that trip with him. I always took 'headed to different places' as a nice way to say we weren't going to work out. But it's weird, the way he said it...he must have practiced that breakup speech a thousand times and he seemed like he was being really careful about the words he used. At first he said that he didn't even want to be friends."
"I remember you telling me."
"So what if...what if he was trying to make sure I was happy. I told him I was really excited about not being a princess. If he took that to mean that I NEVER wanted to be a princess again...and he's a prince...there really was no long-term future for us. Maybe he was doing it for my happiness?"
Marco went silent for a moment before looking back up at his wife. "Wow, my head went to him being self-centered. I'm such a jerk."
Star smiled while poking the tip of her husband's nose. "Luckily you're my jerk."
"Remember when you picked out that rare sorry-I-didn't-go-on-that-trip-with-you kitten?"
"I felt bad! He WAS my boyfriend at the time and I knew I hurt him."
"Just the idea of an 'I'm sorry' kitten is adorable. You are still the most awesome girl I know."
"I better be considering the situation we're in! Just think, this time next month we're going to be real for corn-sake parents."
"Oh, I'm thinking about that all the time. Other than the sad thoughts tonight, all I am thinking about is you, the baby, and what happens after she's born."
"Marco, I know it's late and over the years we've gone over pieces of what went on before we got together but...but maybe we should talk this out. Just toss everything that's ever bothered you right here on the bed so we can pick through it. I love you so freaking much and I know it's going to hurt but maybe we can keep these thoughts from coming back in the future. Can we try that? Just empty that beautiful noggin of yours right here. Please?"
"Well..."
"You always take big changes so seriously and everyone's focus has been on me and the baby. Bu-u-ut, I know you're worried about becoming a dad and I'm...well...I'm a little worried about your mental health. It can't be good keeping this all inside."
"I'm not sure. I mean, maybe you have a point and I do take change too seriously. Maybe it would be good for me, but I don't want to hurt you."
"Please tell me everything. I...I'll keep touching your hair."
"Well, that does feel nice."
"Come on. Mama Star wants to hear all of it, everything that hurt you. And don't ask me if I'm sure, I'm totally-totally totally sure. For how committed we are to each other, we should really consider anytime we're together like this as if we're in the Safe-to-Talk-About-Anything-Dimension."
"Alright, I'll talk about my feelings, but only because you're sure. Just tell me to stop if it gets to be too much."
"I'll let you know."
"Okay, here goes." Marco paused for a moment as he considered the best way to empty his brain.
"Star, imagine when we first met an hourglass was turned over. Somewhere in that Stop & Slurp parking lot, that first grain of sand made it through the middle of the hourglass and hit the bottom. Sure, you freaked me out with your magic and I was totally unprepared for Star being Star but I have to admit, you were SO freaking adorable. During those first few months together, whether we were adventuring or watching TV or just singing in the bathroom, everyday a little more sand would make it through. Fast forward to just before your Song Day and I had a great big pile of sand. It was up to my waist but I was doing my best to ignore it. Up until that point I thought you just wanted to be friends. I thought you wanted me to be with Jackie. To be honest, I thought I wanted to be with Jackie."
"Just to be totally clear, sand represents love?"
"Exactly. Now jump to when I first learned that you and Tom were a couple. Even though I hadn't admitted to myself that I had fallen for you, seeing you two were together hurt. I was even jealous. Fast forward again to the day BEFORE the Soulrise and the sand was up to my neck. More sand was falling on top of me every time I just thought about you. However, that day BEFORE the Soulrise I could still lie to myself. I thought, 'Hey, I just really care about my best friend because we're best friends. That's what best friends do.' But then at the Soulrise, after seeing you and Tom making out, I felt it...all of it...the weight of all that sand was crushing me. I couldn't lie to myself anymore, if I kept ignoring the sand it was going to bury me.
AFTER the Soulrise it hurt every time I knew you two were hanging out. Really, if there was any reminder that he was your boyfriend I'd cry a little bit inside. Then when you two would go off all I could think about was, are they sharing a first together? Are they going to fall deeper for each other? Did I deserve to be in pain like this?
To make sense of it all I...I convinced myself that I deserved to be in pain. I realized that after the battle with Toffee, not talking to you about your feelings and your crush, I'd made the biggest mistake of my life. I don't care what else was going on, it was wrong. Even if I was unclear with my own thoughts we needed to talk about how you felt. I-I hurt you by ignoring your feelings. Just the fact that we were best friends and I did nothing, that was unforgivable. Sure we were dumb teenagers but for what I did to you, I deserved to be miserable.
Something I didn't figure out until later, I was obsessed with Jackie but there was no sand. I learned she was a great laidback-super-chill-friend and I was amazed that she would even be interested in me, but I never loved her. I cared about her, I didn't want to hurt her, but that sand never showed up. When I thought about how I treated her, how I turned into some awful boyfriend because all I did when we hung out together was talk about Mewni or you...again I felt like a terrible person. I tried to give her one good date and even that was a lie. Looking back I'm glad she dumped me. Anyway, for how I treated her I deserved to be miserable.
As you might guess, I spent a LOT of time thinking I should be unhappy. Do you remember how I once held your hand while kissing Jackie? That was so unfair to both of you! I'll never forgive myself for the way I acted. Another jerk move example, while Jackie was breaking up with me I panicked and told her she was my best friend. Anyway, once I realized all the awful things I did to the both of you it was surprisingly easy to convince myself that I deserved to be in pain. Eventually I tried to avoid these feelings by going on adventures without you. Later I went to Eclipsa for help or there was that time I let Janna hypnotize me. It seemed no matter what I tried I couldn't escape my feelings.
As for events that hurt the most, removing the Blood Moon curse seemed like a good idea at the time but like we've talked about before, it hadn't caused me to fall for you. Instead visiting the Severing Stone made everything worse. It made me think that my love for you was real but the only reason you ever liked me was because of some weird demon magic. Anyway, I cried a lot after the curse was removed...and I mean a lot.
There was this one time in the Neverzone when you asked if Brunzetta and I 'quested together'. I know you didn't mean anything by it but the fact you seemed so happy shipping me with someone else was like a knife to my heart.
But the worst, the absolute worst, was just after Tom broke up with you. He was trying to leave and I watched you lean in to kiss him goodbye. I held it together but inside I was broken. It was then, at that moment, I had to accept that he wasn't just some boyfriend of convenience. Even with all the complaining you did, even with how annoyed you two would get with each other, even with him having just ended the relationship...you...you leaned in for a kiss like you loved him. This made me think you loved him the whole time."
Marco could see that his wife was trying her best to hold back the tears.
"Oh hun, I don't want to make you cry. I'll..."
"DON'T YOU DARE STOP. I NEED TO HEAR ALL OF THIS."
"Are you…"
"YES, I'M SURE. DO. NOT. STOP."
"Alright I-I'll keep going. I...I know that within forty eight hours of your breakup with Tom EVERYTHING changed. I know today that our love for each other is unquestionable. But at that moment, that realization that you loved someone else, it really hurt. The only reason I was able to swallow my feelings and keep it together after that almost kiss was because you needed me. You had just been broken up with and you needed a friend's support. I had let you down once and I was NEVER going to let that happen again.
Star, can I hold your hand?"
"...here."
"I will never let you down again."
"...I know hun, I know." Her words were followed by another attempt to keep back the waterworks.
"Remember the pig-goat barn, when I said my love 'was in the way'? At that point I assumed you would have gone back to Tom if you had the chance. Until we kissed I assumed you would never care for me in any way other than as a friend. Like I said, I thought any crush you had on me was from the curse and the curse was gone. When we got older and I looked back at what happened, I figured out that you going to see me on Earth instead of taking that trip with Tom meant something. You really did want to be with me, but at the time I didn't get it. It actually took me a while to figure that out.
Anyway, now we're adults and I have this mountain range of sand. I need that sand. I've built my whole life on top of it. If you were to wash it away everything I am would be destroyed. But even with all the love we have, catch me at the right moment, when something reminds me of being fifteen, and I still fall apart inside.
As for tonight, you know that whole idea of the multiverse? During my walk I was actually sad because somewhere in another world a Tom never broke up with his Star and that Marco is dead inside because he watched the two of you get married. There's a Marco in another world who is falling apart after seeing his Star and Tom at their first baby shower. Maybe there's a Marco who never went to that pig-goat barn. Then when magic is destroyed the Cleave never happens so that Star never sees her Marco again. Maybe there's a Marco who broke into Star's room when he first came back to Mewni and found his Star and Tom in bed together instead of playing board games like I did. Maybe there's a Star who stays a princess and marries Tom because that Marco is just some dork from Earth who could never be a Mewni noble."
No longer able to hold back, tears were falling from his wife's face but he was too far in to pause.
"Worst is that maybe...maybe there's a Star who loved her Tom more than she loved her Marco and when Tom breaks up with her she is always going to be miserable until she gets her Tom back.
I know it's insane to consider the possibilities of what could have happened instead of what actually happened. But in those dark moments I go there. I...I...start thinking about all the Stars and all the Marcos and what did I do to deserve to be happy? I just got lucky enough that our Tom let you go and somehow you still wanted me."
The former princess used the back of her hand to wipe dry her cheeks.
"I-I think that's it. That's the story of the luckiest Marco in the multiverse, the one who has you even if he doesn't deserve you. There's my whole brain tossed on the blanket. I don't know what you want to do with all that but it's super late. If you're tired and don't want to talk anymore I understand, we can go over it when you're ready."
All at once the Mewni born warrior wrapped her arms around him. "I think someone famous said that the biggest lies are the ones we tell ourselves. There are so many things I want to say about this but I just...I wish I could just hug these thoughts out of you. All of them. I'm so sorry I hurt you, you never deserved to feel hurt. Never-never-never-never."
"StaAr, plez don bak...ribs."
"Oh geez! SORRY!"
"Wow...it's alright. Somehow I think being pregnant has made you even stronger. Like, a lot stronger!"
"Marco, I really-really cared about Tom and...and I can see how from your perspective it would look like I loved him. You just have to know that my feelings for him were NEVER the same as my feelings for you. So yeah, I can confirm that I did care about him a whole lot and it did hurt when he and I broke up. I'd like to think I would have figured it all out on my own but I just didn't do it before Tom did. Looking back I'm SO glad that you waited for me and you told me that you loved me. That gave me the courage I needed to tell you how I felt. Without you telling me, who knows what would've happened."
"I'm glad I told you too. You know, maybe from now on I should tell you about all my feelings when I'm feeling sad like this. I don't like seeing you cry but telling you everything has helped me feel better."
She sniffed loudly. "Yes, you totally should you big dork! Even if it isn't a time when we can talk, you just give me a sign that you're sad and I'll hug the sadness right out. Can we do that?"
"Yes, just maybe not so hard. I imagine if I hugged you like that you'd end up peeing again."
Instead of her hands this time she wiped her tears with the corner of the bed's top sheet. "Now that you bring it up, I'm going to blow my nose and pee one more time. Don't you move from this spot. Actually...ah...come with me, I want to hold your hand."
"Star, while you pee?"
"Shut up, I love you. You're just too freaking big to put in my pocket."
"Why do you always bring that up? Alright, I'll hold your hand. I love you too. This is going to sound weird but if it wasn't for you covering me in sand I don't think I ever would have known what love really is. "
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Ten minutes later Star and Marco are back snuggling in bed after a bathroom visit, jam-jam pants for him, drinks of water, some cookies, and a thorough toothbrushing.
"Comfy?"
"I know my Baby-Bounce-Lounge is in the way but I do like wrapping my arms around you like this."
"Hey, I always enjoy when your baby belly is rubbing up against me."
"Marco, do you remember my senior year at Echo Creek when you convinced me to see a therapist and talk about the issues that were bothering me?"
"I remember. Looking back I probably should have gone with you. Maybe it would have helped with what I was feeling at the time."
"You should still go if you think it would be useful but that's not why I brought it up. I wanted to talk about something I learned."
"This time can I touch your hair while you talk?"
"Please do. Hmmm...just like that is good. Sooooo...therapy. In those sessions we talked about my mom, me, magic, the Cleave, and we even talked about you. I remember in the second or third session the therapist helped me realize that I was a lonely kid before I came to Earth."
"Really?"
"Yeah, super lonely. I knew a lot of adults who treated me like a princess. That was fine I guess but I didn't have any kids my age who I could be friends with. The castle had walls to protect us but when I was little-little those walls trapped me in. Once I was old enough to start escaping, any kids I ran into were too afraid to even talk to me. Looking back I can't blame them. I was the hyperactive crown princess destined to get the most powerful magical relic in the realm. Who would want to risk accidentally angering that mess? So yeah, really lonely. I know Pony isn't your favorite but she really was the only real friend I had. I'd get so excited when we got together. We would talk about anything and everything. You might think I'm exaggerating about my lack of friends but seriously, it wasn't until I was thirteen that I finally met a male noble my age that I could hang out with. That was Tom."
"No kid should grow up without other kids around."
"That was just my crown princess world. It got better at twelve. By then Pony and I could escape to the Bounce Lounge or I'd slip out of the castle to make my own adventures in the forest. At thirteen I started visiting Tom. I was so happy when I would go see him."
"..."
"I can hear you thinking. I didn't love him at thirteen then but yes, I thought he was hot."
"Maybe I was wondering...maybe."
"An example of no Mewni friends, my parents had a party for my going away to Earth. It was Pony who cried the whole time, Tom who I didn't want to see but my parents invited anyway, and a bunch of kids from the town I didn't really know. I think other than Pony and Tom everyone was actually happy that I was leaving. The point is, when I got back to Mewni from Earth I went from having all these awesome Earth friends to just Pony. On top of that I didn't have you...my mess-up twin, my everything you were to me friend. I was lonely and when I saw that Tom was working on being a better person I thought, maybe he could be another friend."
"When you explain it like this, you two getting together makes sense."
"Marco, I know this is going to sound really shallow but at fourteen I wanted a boyfriend. I wanted a relationship like I thought you were having with Jackie. So, yeah Tom was in the right place at the right time. I never put too much weight on the pressure to date other nobility but I admit, it was in the back of my mind too. Anyways, for better or worse I made my choice."
"Yeah."
"You understand, when you showed up on Mewni out of the blue I wasn't ready for it. Y-you didn't say anything about coming back when you left. Arrgh...I'm sorry, I know this isn't helping."
"Please don't stop, I need to hear this too."
"It hurt a lot when you left Mewni for Jackie and then when you showed back up, I was so mad at you. It made me question everything I started with Tom and...and I hate saying it but, I was worried you'd end up hurting me again. I think that's why when I squired you I had you vow to be my friend forever. Really, I gave you what was practically a wedding vow just to try protecting myself.
Here, give me your hand. You need to feel this. Baby woke up again and is doing flips in there."
"I'm sorry Star, I'm really-really sorry for what I did."
"If you never came back into my life, I hate to admit it but I likely would've tried to make it work with Tom. When I say 'make it work', I mean make it work all the way through. What other options on Mewni did I have? Thinking about it now I can envision my life with the guy and I don't think it would have ended well. We'd have good times, bad times, a bunch of meh times. We'd annoy each other a lot and in the end I believe we would've made each other miserable. Maybe not Eclipsa-Shastacorn level miserable but DEFINITELY NOT satisfyingly happy. You might not have realized this but when you helped show Tom how to be a better person, he became someone I could be friends with. However, over that time you and I spent together on Earth, you ruined me for being truly happy with anyone else. No one compares when I think about all the thoughtful, sweet, and caring things you do for everyone around you. Looking back, I just got lucky that I ended up living with the sweetest most wonderful safe-kid in the universe."
This time it was Marco feeling water form in his eyes.
"Should I stop?"
"No Star. I'm just sad thinking about what I put you through. Please keep going."
"To wrap up what went on with Tom, I know why I started dating him. I just don't know why I didn't end it. I can think of several times when he wasn't adding anything to my life other than ensuring that I had a boyfriend. Like it was for you and Jackie, I cared about him but real love wasn't there. Sadly, back then I didn't know that being with somebody just to prevent loneliness makes for an unhealthy relationship.
I could have ended it right after you came back to Mewni, once it sunk in that we were still besties and you weren't going anywhere. I could have ended it when I realized that I didn't feel comfortable asking Tom for help with my sleep portaling or really with anything that was important to me. Maybe I should have broken up with demon-boy after you and I kissed in the booth. Or when he revealed the truth about the Blood Moon. Or after finding my mom, or after talking to Tom about you and I kissing, or after you became a knight, really at any time I could have ended it. I guess I was afraid of hurting him and I have to admit, I've never been as fearless about relationships as I was about jumping through dimensional portals. Likely it all comes from my issues with being a lonely kid growing up. I also remember you hanging out with Kelly a bunch and I would have been shattered if I left Tom and found out that you had started dating her. Like TOTALLY shattered.
After Tom left on that trip across dimensions, all I could think about was finally being free of responsibilities and spending time with you. You had become that one person who I could always trust, who I knew would always accept me for who I was, and I needed that more than anything. I clearly remember, I was all ready to hug you so tight when I returned to Earth and rang your parent's doorbell. I just wanted to hold you and feel safe. Instead you put that sweet baby Mariposa in my arms and we got to spend weeks pretending to be part-time parents. You would think with all that, I would have figured out that I shouldn't have been dating Tom anymore. Instead he told me that he was coming back from his trip and I freaking made 'roof eggs' for him. It was like I was trying to make up for being a crappy girlfriend instead of just being honest with myself. Maybe that was my version of the same panic you had with Jackie, when you called her your best friend. Anyway, I totally understand how watching that mess would've hurt you.
I like how you said fast forward so I'm going to steal it. Fast forward to a few months after the Cleave and I got it in my head that I had to lock you up. It was because I loved you more then anything but I'm not going to lie, I feared being alone especially after all the attention we got post-cleave. Fear that you'd find a reason not to be a part of my life is why I proposed at seventeen. I almost started talking about marriage a whole year earlier but you didn't seem like you were ready. I remember in high school Janna figured out what I was thinking and offered to spy on you for me. She said she was going to let me know if I had any competition at the community college."
He sniffled as he tried to keep himself from crying. "No way!?"
"I told her it wasn't needed but she liked spying on you anyway. The reports I got back said that you were -mostly- good."
"Ah...mostly!?"
"She was just trying to rile me and it worked. Remember when I had a vacation week so I crashed all your college classes and had you introduce me to everyone? That was why. I was really scared that you had met someone else since I wasn't physically with you all the time. Then there was the time we ran into those monster protesters and I got scared that someone who was angry at us from the Cleave would hurt you if I wasn't there to protect you. To be honest, I still get scared I might lose you and I don't think that's ever going to go away."
"Yeah. Same."
"This is going to sound weird. When we're away from each other sometimes I start feeling lonely, like I did when I was a kid. To comfort myself I think about how we both risked our lives for a chance to be together. It makes me feel better knowing that when our worlds wanted us separated, we said no. We said we were going to be together and nothing was going to stop us. You already know this but just to make sure we're clear, there is no one else that I would have jumped back into the magic for. Not Tom, not my parents, no one else. Only you. Like you said about me, if it wasn't for you I wouldn't know what love really is and I never wanted to be separated from that.
Anyway, there is a point to me rambling on about all this. It was either the therapist or Eclipsa who said that we need to learn from our problems and move on. Be who we are and make peace with our fears, make peace with our mistakes, and make peace with any people we've hurt along the way."
"That sounds like really good advice."
"Marco, I need you to look me in the eyes."
"..."
"Even if we can't forgive ourselves, I forgive you for everything you think you did wrong. I just hope you forgive me for all of the rotten things I did. Not admitting that I wanted that kiss in the booth, making you the laundry squire, making you wait while I was floundering with Tom, for saying things that hurt you, but mostly I need you to forgive me for not figuring out that you ONLY came back to Mewni because you loved me. I didn't figure that out until a long time after."
"Yeah." It was his time to wipe away tears. "One hundred percent, I forgive you Star."
"So, here's the hardest thing that I'm EVER going to ask of you and I REALLY-REALLY need you to do this."
"Anything Star. Anything."
"Please forgive yourself."
"It'll be hard but I'll try." Although the crying wasn't stopping, he was able to force a smile.
"If you can do that then I promise to forgive myself too. Deal?"
"Yeah, deal."
"Can we ki-"
"Mmmmmmm..."
"Mmmmmmm..."
.
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I hope you enjoyed this one. I really wanted to do my take on what the characters were thinking about their relationships back during the series. Hopefully having them talk about it as adults, in a safe committed relationship, makes this story different then all the other versions of this idea. Next story is back to humor and some world building.
Question for folks reading this series: Is it obvious that all these stores are connected or does jumping around the timeline make it confusing? Am I leaning too heavy on the conversation format? Thanks for the feedback. - Olin
5/2022 Update - I went back and fixed a bunch of grammar. Also, for anyone interested mono1472 is making a comic of this chapter. Check it out once it's released, I've seen some sketches and it looks great so far. - Olin