Starco vs Parenthood Introduction - These chapters can be read separately but they are all connected. It's always the same Star & Marco, same kids, same world.

This is set about 19 years after Cleaved. Star and Marco are 34 while their daughter is 12 and son is 9. I assume if you made it this far you've already read the Ninja Princess chapter but if not you might want to read it first. This is another story that builds off of it.

Favs, reviews, and constructive feedback are all really helpful. Thanks! (Because I care way too much about what other people think.)

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Chapter 16 - Mewberty?

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Marco has just gotten home from a long day at the office and Star is not happy.

"Marco! You really just 'drove' her home!?"

"Star, nothing happened and nothing is going to happen. She just needed a ride home from the office. I did send a message saying that I was going to be home twenty minutes late and if you check the time I really was only an extra twenty minutes. I can even show you how to log into the security cameras at the office if you're really that worried. Like I said, nothing happened."

"I saw it with my own eyes Marco. -Oh Mr. Diaz, let me refill that water for you.- Then she 'accidentally' knocks you with a rack that makes your precious H-poo look like a fourteen year old girl. I don't like it Marco! Maybe nothing happened but she wants something to happen! Her beady little eyes surrounded by WAY too much mascara are always looking at you. She is one hundred percent planning something!"

"What am I supposed to do then? I can try to avoid her. Should I work from home all the time instead of us swapping days?"

"You...you...you need to fire her."

"Star! We can't just…"

"I'm the boss and I say yes you can!"

"No Star, there are all these HR rules. You can't just fire a person for being...well...top heavy? Ah, I don't even know if there is a correct way to talk about this in an HR document."

"I am not putting up with it! We need her out of that office before she accidentally knocks those boobs up against other parts of you!"

"Hey, I put up with the college intern who found out about your abs obsession. Remember how he started going out to run shirtless everyday at lunch. -Oh Ms. Butterfly, I'd wear a t-shirt but my nipples chafe. You're just going to have to watch me as I say goodbye to you before every lunchtime run.- And remember the day he 'accidentally' spilled coffee on himself and had to take his shirt off in front of you. You try telling me he wasn't hoping that something would happen?"

"...well...I remember him. He said his nipples would bleed. I mean that sounded like a good reason for not wearing a shirt."

"Star, all I'm saying is I put up with him so you can put up with our top-heavy co-worker until we can move her to a remote position or something."

"Marco she goes before the end of next week or...or..."

"Or what?"

"...or couch."

"Couch!? When have you ever sent me to the couch before? I mean, is this really couch worthy? I didn't do anything wrong here!"

"She is planning something Marco and if I said couch and I mean COUCH!"

"..."

"..."

"Oh no! Ms. Butterfly...I spilled water all over myself."

"Wha-what are you doing?"

"I better take my shirt off right now before my skin gets too wet. Oh Ms. Butterfly please help me with my buttons."

"Marco, you know the kids are right upstairs."

"Ms. Butterfly, my chest is all cold now. Can you please help me warm it up?"

"Can you put your shirt back on and please stop flexing those!"

"Flexing what? Theses? They are just cold. Maybe if you rub them they'll warm up."

"MARCO!"

"Oh Ms. Butterfly, if you need help practicing your speech tonight maybe I can get us dinner and we can practice all...night...long."

"Would you please stop that!"

"I'll stop Ms. Butterfly but you sure you don't want to touch them before I put them away?"

"Listen, you made your point. When it comes to my affection you totally-totally had that guy beat but this woman's chest...I've heard the other people in the office talk. 'Weaponized' was the word they had for it. I can never compete with that...also I kind of want to warm up your chest now."

"Come here and hug me. Have I ever asked you to compete with anyone? You know I love you exactly the way you are. A weaponized chest sounds kind of dangerous anyway."

"I know you're happy with me, I just get...you know. I never want to lose you. So nothing happened with her and nothing is going to happen?"

"Nothing has happened, nothing ever will. I agree that they are huge but I'm totally not interested, if anything I see myself as more of a wingman."

"I guess I have her beat there."

"You have everyone beat there and don't forget, I don't keep anything from you. There are no secrets, you know the whole Marco. I tell you everything that bothers me, everything I think I've done weird, everything I think you would care about."

"Yeah you do."

"And I know you don't keep any secrets from me."

"...yeah."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah...well."

"Wait. Well what?"

"Nothing...just...crap, okay maybe little things but not real secret-secrets."

"Ah...should I sit down? I'm getting kind of getting scared now."

"No nothing like that! I just...well...I never told you minor stuff like...well...like when I was in the Grandma Room and my tapestry was done..."

"Hold on. Star, you are going to need to start from the beginning. I'm not following."

"It's not a secret-secret but I never told you what happened before we destroyed magic, back in Glossaryck's eyeball."

"Yes you did. You confirmed that we needed to destroy magic. Please don't tell me you still have more secrets from back when we were fifteen."

"Listen I left out some details that I didn't want to tell you. So...yeah...I also saw my tapestry and it showed me destroying magic and everyone was happy in the background."

"That sounds like how it worked out hun. What does this have to do with people at work?"

"No Marco. YOU weren't in the tapestry. Everyone I cared about was there but you. And then I never told you."

"Oh."

"So yeah, I knew ahead of time that I might never see you again and I never told you. I just...I'm sorry. Anyways, that's one of those little secrets that I keep."

"Hey, it's all fine now. We know it all worked out. You just didn't want to hurt my feelings. Based on how you were acting when you told me to go back to Earth I had a good idea that we might never be together again."

"Yeah, well. Looking back I know it wasn't that big of a deal but I should have told you. Not telling you WAS kinda crappy. I guess it's never came up before but then you got me thinking about secrets it popped in my head. Anyway..."

"Hey, if you tell me what your tapestry looked like we can start sewing something like it this weekend. Maybe put us both in it holding hands?"

"Yeah, that would be nice. Sorry if I ruined the mood."

"It's fine, kids are upstairs so the mood was already ruined. Maybe you and I can get a sitter for the kids and go out tonight? Then after we'll see if we're back in the mood again?"

"Yeah, I'd like that but how can we get someone to watch the kids on such short notice? They are kinda of old enough where we can just leave them home alone if you want."

"Well, I know this woman from work who told me during the drive home how she is really lonely and she doesn't have any plans tonight or this weekend. Maybe she can watch them?"

"YOU-YOU ARE THE WORST HUSBAND EVER! YOU ARE TOTALLY ON THE COUCH TONIGHT!"

"STAR! I'M JOKING!"

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Meanwhile upstairs Star and Marco's 'Ninja Princess' walks into his sister's room. Without even acknowledging her, the young boy flops face first onto his sister's bed.

"Dude! What do you think you're doing? You need to knock first so I can tell you to go away BEFORE you get inside."

"…"

"Hey, don't you see that I'm busy?"

"No."

"I'm listening to an old MIT lecture, planning out a school writing assignment, and practicing the kata for my next belt. I'm kind of busy."

"I-I don't want to be a Ninja Princess anymore."

"Aaaaaand why do you think I care?"

"…"

"Alright, I care a little. What happened?"

"I was ninjaing on mom and dad after I heard them yelling. I figured I'd just keep an eye on them to make sure everything is okay. Then dad took his shirt off and started talking about being a wingman and then…"

"STOP! I don't want to hear the rest. You know to get away from them when they start acting all gross."

"I did get away before it got really gross but it got -kinda- gross REALLY FAST and...and...now I feel all weird. I don't want to ninja anymore. I now know what mom meant when she said that spying leading to crying. I'm just going to have to stop being a Ninja Princess and start being a Magical Princess instead."

"Okay."

"Sooooo...I need you to tell me how to be a Magic Princess like mom and dad where. I-I don't know how."

"Two things are wrong with this. Number one, dad just dressed up like a princess a few times. I know this might burst your bubble but dad was never a Magical Princess. Number two, mom had true-magic and you already know that's something that doesn't exist anymore."

"But you read all about magic stuff even when you're sleeping. You must know how it all works and if you do you can teach me all about magic. Right?"

"Sure, I've read a lot about magic but it is the study of the components of magic such as the interdimensional and extradimensional possibility catalysts and opening wormholes to pocket realities. What you are talking about is...wait, I lost you didn't I?"

"TOTALLY LOST ME."

"Hmm...alright. Do you really have your heart set on this?"

"Yup. Heart is all in."

"Okay, I can teach you some things but...what's in it for me?"

"Aaaah...I'll do your laundry for a week?"

"Laundry for a month, I get half your allowance for two months, and you never come into my room again without knocking."

"Deal!"

"I'm not going to lie to you, there are different types of magic but the one mom used is basically gone. Maybe mom and dad have a secret stash of it somewhere but it is not something you are going to be able to use right now even if I teach you everything I know."

"I kinda figured you had been playing with magic on your own but not telling anybody."

"Nope. I'm learning all about it with the hope that someday things change but for now there is no sign of anyone using true-magic."

"Oh...well that sucks. "

"You're telling me but you do have other options. There is also magic based on manipulating souls. I can teach you a little about that but I don't think it's a good fit for you."

"Noooo...I don't want to mess with other people's souls. Seems kinda gross."

"So what I'm going to recommend is that we develop your innate magic. That is the type of magic aunty Pony Head uses to float and pop-pop Globgor uses to change size."

"B-but I don't know how to do any of that."

"Yes however, the theory is that every creature with a soul has some degree of innate magic. Even you and I. Just floating heads and monsters that change sizes have a better link to it. It is not as powerful as the other magics but I think it is the best we got. It'll also help get you ready in case mom's true-magic ever comes back. You'll be totally prepared."

"I still don't get it. How do I get in-nane magic and how does that prepare me for mom magic?"

"I'll answer the second question first. Mom made laser puppies for dad when they first met and they were full of innate magic. When true-magic was around the puppies could shoot laser beams from their eyes. Once true-magic went away they were still puppies with innate magic but they stopped being able to shoot laser beams because that power came from their link to true-magic. If true-magic came back they would be able to shoot lasers again because their innate magic gives them such a strong true-magic connection."

"So you are saying if I learn in-nane magic and mom's magic comes back I can get laser eyes?"

"Ah...yeah, sure."

"You're the bestest sister ever!"

"Pfft. Yeah, I know."

"So, how do I start learning?"

"What you need to do first is develop some catalysts."

"Ah?"

"Sorry, go make your own wand and a spellbook. Maybe ask mom if she has any special glitter you can put on them. Magic glitter!"

"OH! I BET SHE DOES!"

"Right. Just NEVER tell mom that I'm teaching you magic. Instead tell her...hmm...tell her that you just want to pretend to be a Magic Princess. We don't want mom and dad to get some crazy idea that I'm secretly trying to bring back true-magic without them knowing by traveling to the Time Dimension and tapping into the crystals that connect to other realities so I can syphon off their true-magic using the remains of the original wand. We totally DO NOT want them to think that."

"Got it. I'm not going to say ANYTHING and I actually don't even understand what you said!"

"Good because if you did someone might find out about your special relationship with Doba and Boda."

"Ah…"

"Don't worry, your crush on those cute little two-headed monster girls is safe with me. Or is it girl? I assume it is girls since each head is a different person."

"Ah…"

"Anyway, forget I said anything."

"Ah…"

"So, once you are done making your wand, think about what type of spells you want to cast someday. Then write all the details about them in your spellbook. This is how all the princesses and queens used to do it. Just remember, pictures with lots of detail are a must to make this work. Oh, spells are more powerful if they have a dance move or you cast them while doing a kata."

"Got it. I can totally come up with some cool spells and draw lots of detail that show off my sweet moves."

"Sweet moves...can't wait to see them. Anyway, once you do all that you just have to practice. Eventually you might unlock your innate magic. Even if you don't you'll be ready when mom's true-magic comes back."

"Wait, that's it? That seems...I don't know...too easy."

"Just like being a Ninja Princess, you have to practice a lot."

"So am I going to be able to actually cast these spells before mom's magic comes back?"

"That's a big maybe. Even if you do everything right there is no way to know if your innate magic is going to be strong enough to power a spell. It could take years for it to grow before it's strong enough."

"Well...how am I going to know that it's working then?"

"Working?"

"Yeah! If I'm doing everything right but my spells aren't working for years, how do I know that I'm actually learning magic and you aren't just telling me to go play magic princess?"

"Oh, well...ah...yeah...so there is...ah...Mewberty. Yeah Mewberty, that is how you know."

"What's Mewberty?"

"All princesses who develop their connection to magic go through it. You basically wake up one day covered in little purple hearts. It means your body has become better attuned to magic."

"Hold on, isn't that what caused mom to turn into a flying monster and chase boys around? I don't want to do that!"

"Well...yeah but you are channeling innate magic. Totally different. You won't even get wings."

"You sure nothing bad is going to happen to me from doing this?"

"Dude, would I lie to you?"

"Alright, I guess not. Time to start planning out my wand then. I'll let you know when it's done."

"My advice, don't go downstairs if mom and dad are still there. You don't want to see any more of them being all gross."

"Right. I'll work on this in my room."

"Oh here, I'll even give you this blank notebook free of charge. You can use that for planning and writing your spells. Just don't do any of this in my room."

"Got it. Hey, thanks! I guess you really are the best sister ever. Hugs?"

"Sorry dude, you know I gave up hugging last year."

"I was hoping you changed your mind. See ya!"

The door closes as the former Ninja Princess leaves the room.

"That's right. I'm the totally-not-lying-best-sister-ever. I just need to figure out where dad keeps the good scissors."

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One week later Marco is in the bedroom of their new 'Magical Princess'.

"Hey Star, come here. You might want to see this."

"What's with all these paper hearts in his bed? Wait, is that my best glitter glued to his carpet! ARRGH! THESE KIDS! This is why I keep the craft supplies in our bedroom!"

"Maybe I could have seen him going into the bedroom if I hadn't been stuck sleeping on the sofa all week."

"Hey! I've seen the office security video of her checking out your ass every time you turn around. You're allowed back in the bedroom AFTER you get rid of her!"

"You are so...ARRRG! FINE YOU WIN! But I'm not firing her! I'll talk to Eclipsa about getting her transferred to a different department or something."

"You show me proof that she is going and the bedroom is all yours again. Also, when you show me this proof, I suggest not having a shirt on."

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Another week later well-known business mogul, Mr. J. Birnbaum, is in his penthouse apartment reviewing some private e-mails.

Attached you'll find the following:

- S & M's schedules for the next four months.
- Every working position paper that has been edited within the last six weeks.
- Personnel information on all Mewni officials hired within the last year.

The plan to cause a rift between S & M has not been successful. Unexpectedly M was not interested in my 'assets'. Also, I've been offered a slight promotion but it requires a transfer to E's office. Let me know if you want me to take it. I expect it may provide more valuable information but I'll no longer be able to monitor S & M directly.

Reminder - I only agreed to six more weeks of this. If you want me for longer my rates are going up, a lot. I may enjoy the eye candy that is M but the dorkiness in this office is too painful to be around.

- X

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And this is why I never drive co-workers home. - Olin

jkrust78 - Thank you for the review and I'm glad you've enjoyed these stories. You pointed out exactly why I wrote chapter 11. For me, everything that happened in the series can make sense but you have to fill in a lot of the blanks to get it all work. Sadly it's too late for the series writers to do that for us. - Olin