Starco vs Parenthood Introduction - These chapters can be read separately but they're all connected. It's always the same Star & Marco, same kids, same world.

Prepare yourself for a weird chapter. Yes, this means Janna. This story starts about 7 years after Cleaved. Star and Marco are 22. Their daughter is just four months old. Note that any text in italics is Star.

Favs, reviews, and constructive feedback are all really helpful. Thanks! (I'll think about them next time I'm in the meat aisle.)

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Chapter 22 - Death in the Meat Aisle

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Outside a large grocery store Star is holding her infant daughter as Janna approaches.

"Janna-banana! I like the new car. Fancy!"

"Two months Star. You want to get together for the first time in two months and it is at the grocery store. What has Marco done to you? Before you answer that, hand me my niece."

~Da~

"Sorry! You know, I thought I was way too busy before we had the baby and now...WOW. It's like every minute I need to be doing something...or two things or three things."

"Yup, you got Marco-itice. Sadly, I don't think there's a cure. Soon your life is going to become a blur of folding laundry, cooking meals, wearing hoodies. Funny, I always assumed Marco would end up the housewife."

"Hush you! Between him wrapping up school and starting the new job, me trying to work on classes, condo shopping, packing, and taking care of this little bunny neither of us has any extra time. Once we move it should settle down...I hope!"

"Back to Echo Creek?"

"No, half-way between college and Echo. It'll be a bit of a commute for both of us but we'll make it work."

"I have to say Star, you're not selling me on adulting. Also, this baby is actually cute. Usually they just look like little tiny old people but this one would make my ovaries hurt if I hadn't already put them into a pocket dimension."

"Janna! It might not seem like it now but you might actually want to use those ovaries one day."

"Yeah, whatever. So what's the plan for shopping? It's not Questbuy but Earthni Foods is pretty big. Also, I'm not giving her up so work that into your plan."

"Marco put together the list and since you're staying for dinner I was hoping you could help me pick out a few extra dessert items. Just going to grab a cart. Oh! Almost forgot the coupons Marco printed. I'll be right back!"

"One of the most powerful magic wielders in Mewni has been reduced to coupon clipping. How the mighty have fallen."

~Da...da~

"I hear you squirt. But just so you know, once we ditch your mom you and I are going to have a talk. A LONG talk...ALONE."

~Ba~

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Forty minutes later Star pushes a half-full shopping cart down the aisles while Janna nonchalantly follows, never letting go of her 'niece'.

~Da...daa~

"Next stop spice aisle. We're almost out of cumin."

"Is it going to get any more exciting than this Star? If not, I'll go ahead and turn my brain off now."

"Brain on please while you're carrying my pumpkin. You know if you're bored, there's someone I wouldn't mind hearing about!"

"No Star, we aren't talking about Tom today."

"Aww, come on. Not even a little?"

"Nope, horns is off the menu right now."

"Can you tell me about his new baby sister at least? I've only seen pictures."

"That's part of the problem Star. Between Tom wanting to keep up with you guys and his new sister all he wants to do is pretend to be parents with me. I'm at the point where I have to apply that Don't-ask-me-to-marry-you curse on him every other week now. Damn it! You did it, you got me talking about him!"

"Want me to speak to him? We can have him over and put him on diaper duty."

"I already tried that with his sister, the dude doesn't even mind it. It's like infant poo is a badge of honor for him. The only thing he can't deal with is when she cries, that's when the screeching hell-spawn becomes my problem."

"Well, let us know if we can help with anything. Maybe I can tell him some gross details about the birth. That should scare him. Then again he's kinda into blood so telling him might make him want to have a baby even more. Oh! I missed cereal. I've been telling Marco we should start bulk ordering Captain Blanch but he doesn't think we have enough room in the apartment to store it. Something to look forward to once we are in a new place."

"Living the dream Star, living the dream. Go ahead and get your cereal. Squirt and I are going to walk around on our own. Maybe we'll see if they have any deadly mushrooms in-stock."

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Star walks back to the cereal aisle while Janna and the baby head in the opposite direction.

"Okay squirt, enough being nice. Start talking. How are you doing it?"

~Ba...ba ba~

"Don't act all innocent with me. Those lottery numbers you planted in my head were all good. You sent me the name of the perfect lawyer who helped invest the money while keeping me out of the headlines. I got the list of all the holiday gifts you want for the next fifteen years, the stocks to invest in, the list of books on magic you want me to collect for you, info on the secret trust fund you want setup, the rituals to perform on the demon swords. Time to cut the cute act!"

~Baa...da...ba~

"Fuck! I was hoping you were just a super smart baby. The messages really must be from the future. Just, how the hell are you able to send messages back in time! This must have something to do with why you want maps of the Time Dimension. Also, do you have any idea how hard it is going to be to find some of this shit?"

~Da~

"And why are you sending these messages to me? Your parents were always the ones weird stuff happens too."

~Ba~

"You're going to make me wait a whole fifteen years to find out your plans aren't you?"

~Ah~

* Sigh * "Fine! I'll do what you want. You just better not be screwing with me! And yes, I know. You don't want to talk about it until you bring it up at sixteen because it'll mess up the -future- or whatever."

~Baa...ba...da~

"I've totally lost it. I'm in a grocery store arguing with a Starco baby about why she made me a multi-millionaire and I'm not even winning the argument. You're lucky you're cute squirt."

~Da...ba~

"You know because of you kids Tom has baby-itis and the last thing he needs in his life is a serious commitment to someone like me. Completely the last thing."

~Ba...da...ba~

"Oh...OH! Kid you stink. HEY STAR! COME CHANGE THIS THING! I ONLY HOLD BABIES THAT DON'T SMELL BAD!"

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After a quick visit to the baby changing station Star rolls the shopping cart up to the meat aisle and gives Janna a wide smile.

"You got that look Star."

"So, here we are!"

"Yup."

"Janna, last time we hung out you were talking about how you can sense death and things like that. You weren't kidding were you?"

"Well, I've spent enough time in the underworld now where I'm basically a necromancer."

"Great. So what should we get?"

"Star, you're losing me?"

"The meat. You can sense how all these animals died right? For one of my classes I've been reading all about unethical farm practices and slaughterhouses that process the meat we get in grocery stores. I need to know which animals were treated humanely."

"Star, you want me to tell you how your hamburger died!?"

"You can do that right? Maybe a pig-goat that had a happy life but choked to death in a painless hay eating accident?"

"Wow...you're taking the whole 'do right thing' mantra to a completely new level."

"This is important! I don't want to go back to being a vegetarian but I feel really bad for the way animals are treated. I mean, if you don't want to do it I can ask Tom maybe? He can do the same thing right?"

"Star, that ritual is for investigating crimes and helping people understand what happened to their loved ones. Also, good luck getting the prince with a stick up his ass because his girlfriend doesn't want kids into a grocery store."

"So that's what has been happening?"

"The dudes going to live another thousand years at least, if he wants kids he has plenty of time! Or maybe he can marry you and Marco instead! He talks about you both like he's in love with you."

"I'm sorry Janna. That's really rough if you both want different things. I can't really think of a good way to compromise when it comes to kids. You're either all in or you're not."

* Sigh * "I know you and Marco don't agree on everything but it's good that you agree on the important stuff. Tom and I just aren't there right now and I don't think we are ever going to be. And before you start, I don't need a hug right now."

"I had the I'm-going-to-hug-you look?"

"I've seen it too many times. Alright, I'm done talking about Tom. What am I doing here again in the meat aisle?

"You're going to do some sort of demonic magic and then tell me what I can buy for my family without me feeling guilty about how it got here."

"Sure. ROCKA-ROCKA! Here, this six-pack of chicken breasts should do it."

"Six-pack of chicken breasts? How did they die?"

"Oh they're fine, they just had mastectomies. Now they all live together on a retirement farm and play bridge on Thursdays."

"JANNA!"

"Fine! Here, take your spawn. Whatever you do, do NOT tell anyone at the Necromancer's Guild that I did this. I would totally lose a lot of rep for using Death Visions at a grocery store."

Deep chanting noises erupt out of Janna's mouth while a green mist forms over the meat cases. Suddenly her eyes flash white as she sees visions of the lives and deaths sealed within each shrink wrapped package.

"OH HELL...THIS WAS A BAD IDEA! NO-NO-NO! YOU-YOU DON'T WANT TO EAT ANY OF THIS!"

"No steaks from a cow that died of old age?"

"HELL! STAR, THE HOTDOGS ARE BURNING MY EYES! I'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE! OH SHIT, LIVERWURST! VEAL! STAR! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!"

With the baby being held in one arm, Star pulls Janna through the store and out to a bench outside. After a few minutes of sitting Janna's vision slowly begins to return to normal.

"I'm so sorry Janna, I had no idea it would be that bad."

"It's totally fine Star, I didn't know either." * Sigh * "Maybe I should rethink my meat choices too."

"I'll just go back to the Mewni farmer's market for meat, it would have to be better than what you saw."

"Yeah, I would think. While I'm waiting for my eyes to adjust, can I ask you a personal question?"

"Anything for my Janna."

"I don't spy on Marco like I used to and now that we're older I realize that having all this footage of a teenage boy might not be the best idea. Would you two want it?"

"Sure, I don't know what we'll do with it but I assume some of it would be fun to watch when we're older."

"Star...do you two fight? I assume Marco has grown some balls by now but you two still seem so...so annoyingly happy."

"We don't fight much but we do sometimes. With the baby's weird sleep schedule we've gotten a bit more snippy with each other but it's still been at least a few months since I've thrown anything at him. Last week one of his former female professors, the flirty redhead one I told you about who makes sculptures that look like scissors and portals, she was wearing a red hoodie and I kind of flipped out. Then I learned Marco had sent her a link to the website he buys them from."

"And he gets mad at you?"

"Did you know that you lose a lot of hair after being pregnant? I keep clogging the shower drain. He gets mad at me when I forget to take care of it even though he can take care of it just as easily as I can."

"So not the big stuff, just the little stuff?"

"Pretty much."

"Fuck."

"Sorry Janna."

"It's fine. Better Tom and I face the truth now instead of later."

"He does get that with babies it's your body and you can say no, right?"

"Yeah, he totally gets that. He's always respectful and he's made it clear how he feels about me...us...you know. You should see how happy he gets when it's just the two of us out doing silly demon stuff."

"Even if you two both don't agree on everything, he did get the best friend he always wanted."

"Yeah, I guess he did."

"Do you think Marco and I can help with anything? Tom doesn't always follow Marco's advice but he always considers it."

"No...not really. Actually, do you think it would be okay for me to sever your daughter's soul from itself when she's old enough? You know, if she asks me too."

"I think you know what Marco is going to say."

"But you'll fight with him about it right? Your daughter's soul must fall into the small stuff bucket. I mean look how tiny she is. It can't be any worse then me helping her get her ears pierced."

"If you're feeling better I'm going to go finish up the shopping so we can head out. You stay here."

"Can I hold her at least?"

"No, you just worry about your sight. I'll be back in ten, maybe fifteen minutes."

"Fine, whatever. She'd just be way cuter with two souls."

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After giving her friend a hug, Star goes back inside to finish shopping. Once Star is out-of-sight Janna rubs the bridge of her nose for a minute before taking out her phone. She begins staring at it as if the weight of the world was on her shoulders and then finally starts pressing buttons.

"Hey horns. I need you to go to the mall with me Sunday. I'm hanging with Star today and I really want to buy their baby some gifts. I have some money to burn so maybe we get something for your sister too."

"... ..."

"I was thinking matching skull outfits but bunny outfits work."

"..."

"Yeah. I'm thinking of trying to spend more time with the babies."

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I have a friend who is a professional writer and she asked for unusual necromancer power ideas. I came up with a few but this one was my favorite. Hopefully you enjoyed it. - Olin

Trivia - Why is Star buying cumin? (see below)

nightaroma - Thanks again for the comment on the last chapter. It's good to know what I'm getting right.

Raze2090 - Thanks again for the feedback and pointing out a few items that could be clearer in the last chapter. Super helpful.

Answer - It's one of the important ingredients that go into Marco's Super Awesome Nachos. I've given up on trying to get the cheese right but it is still totally worth making.