Chapter 17

A small but important snippet of dialogue modified from S7 The Killer in Me

Chapter 17

Spike had awoken from yet another nightmare. He pulled a pillow over his face, clamping it down with his arms. He was desperately trying to get back to sleep but to no avail. He rolled onto his side sullenly. Over a hundred years of terror, rivers of blood, screaming voices, crying children, fire and destruction filled his mind every time he closed his eyes. The only time he had managed to get any truly restful, spell-free sleep was the couple of times Buffy had slipped into bed with him, and even then it had been tenuous. He didn't dare ask her to sleep with him all the time. It wasn't the most comfortable place for her for starters and secondly, he simply didn't think he deserved it. Despite her arguments to the contrary.

He flopped over onto his back again and began studying a spider web above him. Judging by the little bit of light coming in from the high basement window he figured it must have been around three or four in the afternoon, although that was strictly a guess. He had lost all sense of time. However, if he was right, that would mean Buffy would be coming to check on him soon, like she always did. She had insisted that he didn't need the shackles as long as he wasn't hurting himself. He was now officially able to move around freely, he could even leave if he wanted to, but he hadn't.

A part of him couldn't bear the thought of going back to his crypt for some irrational reason and yet he didn't like the idea of being around people. He had convinced himself to get his soul for a myriad of reasons. To be someone she could love. To be someone worthy of raising children. Not to be a burden on Buffy.

Which is exactly what I am… a useless sodding burden… Maybe I should just go…

He sat up with a huff and reached for the bag Buffy had brought from his crypt. He hadn't even looked inside it yet. Aside from a clean change of clothes Buffy pulled out of it when she had forced him into the shower, he didn't have any idea what was in it. He reached in the bag pulling out a second set of clothes, his only pair of sweatpants that he rarely ever wore, two extra t-shirts and—

Books? She brought me books? Bloody hell, I love that woman… shouldn't… guess that's why I'm still here though. Just to be close to her light…

He shook off the thought and glanced through the books to see what she had picked for him. He froze when he saw the duct tape covered parenting book at the bottom of the bag and swallowed hard. She had packed it, which meant she almost certainly knew what it was.

The basement door opened and he shoved everything back in the bag just before Willow appeared on the stairs. "Spike?"

He ran a hand over his face, clearing his throat, "Yeah, Red?"

Willow stood a little awkwardly at the bottom of the stairs, "Buffy just called, she's going to be a little late but she wanted me to see if you were feeling up to watching a movie with us tonight."

He shook his head, "Thanks, but no thanks."

Willow chewed her bottom lip, "I told her that's what you would say…" she hesitated, "I'm sorry this has been so difficult for you."

"No one's fault but mine, Red," he murmured.

"You say that but I kinda feel responsible too…"

Spike shook his head, the idea of her blaming herself for anything was laughable. "I made you."

"You didn't exactly threaten me with a broken bottle this time, Spike."

He hung his head in shame, "Suppose I owe you an apology for that."

"I wasn't trying to rub it in. I was just making a point. I helped you because I wanted to. Besides, I might be able to help you out with some of this stuff," she smiled hopefully.

He cocked his head to the side. It wasn't the first time she had offered, but it was the first time he thought about actually hearing her out. "Are we talking magical or mundane?"

She moved over to sit on the large utility table Buffy used for folding clothes on, "Whatever you're most comfortable with. I have a couple of options. Option one is movie night. Or pretty much doing anything that's not sitting in the basement. I also have a spell that helps you work through psychological trauma through lucid dreams if you want to give it a try."

He thought about that for a moment, "Dunno, Red, the dream thing sounds a bit dodgy."

She sighed and shrugged her shoulders, "Offer is on the table if you change your mind. I told Buffy I'd help you get back on your feet."

"Ta, appreciate the offer but I—"

"I know you feel like you deserve this," Willow interrupted, "…and maybe you sort of do."

"Damn right I do," he snapped, "You've no idea the things I've done."

She swallowed nervously, "I've read your file."

"Rot— you've only seen the tip of the iceberg," he grumbled.

"Can you at least consider what just hanging around in the basement is doing to Buffy?"

Spike eyed her, "What are you on about?"

"I know she puts on her best brave-Buffy-face when she comes down here but—" she broke off, hesitating, "I just think it would be really good for both of you if you'd at least socialize a little. She's really worried about you and the whole single mommy-ness thing—"

Spike jerked his head up, his eyes flashing gold in anger, "She's not gonna be a sodding single mum," he growled.

Willow twitched a little but continued, "Then maybe you should make sure she knows that." She slipped off the table to stand, "Look, I'm going to get dinner started. If you're hungry there's blood in the fridge. That's a nice easy baby step for you. You can't be a seller-dweller forever." She gave a defeated little sigh, "Even if you don't come up for movie night, maybe you can at least get yourself some blood or help Dawn with her homework. She just started Shakespeare, 'Midsummer's Night Dream'…" she added in a tone usually reserved for tempting children to eat their vegetables with the promise of chocolate cake.

Spike sat on the edge of the cot watching her, "Know what you're doing, Red."

"Yeah well I'm not exactly Miss Stealth. Just think about it alright? It could definitely be of the good."

He gave a despondent sigh, "I'll think about it, alright?"

She pressed her lips together with a nod and retreated up the stairs, leaving him alone again.

He sat there listening to Willow moving around in the kitchen for a long while and then the front door opened and closed. All was quiet for several minutes before he finally pulled himself up and took a few tense steps toward the stairs. He looked up the stairs at the door Willow had undoubtedly left ajar on purpose.

Witch is right, gonna have to get out of here sometime, why not now?

He took a deep breath and trotted up the stairs, pausing before pushing the door open slowly. Suddenly feeling a little like a cat slinking out of the shadows to explore its new home.

The thought made him roll his eyes at the absurdity.

There was a pot of water just starting to boil on the stove and a large bowl of salad sitting on the island. Willow couldn't be far away. He made his way into the hall, unsure of what he should do, when he caught the sound of Buffy's voice. He followed the sound coming from upstairs, unable to make out the words until he was in the hallway. The door was ajar a few inches.

"…what's done is done, he needs to come to terms with this stuff on his own. I'm doing what I can but-" she paused, "he just needs time."

"But I really think it would help," Willow's voice sounded slightly desperate.

"I need him whole, Will, but I'm not going to let you just do the spell if he doesn't want it," Buffy's voice was filled with exasperation.

Willow made a little whimpering sound, "Well he did say, he was thinking about it."

"Then I guess that's your answer. I don't know… as much as I really don't want to, I might end up calling Angel after all…" He could hear the bed creak and the soft clunk of Buffy's dress shoes on the floor.

"Angel isn't going to like the whole you and Spike procreating thing."

"Yeah well I'm not with him anymore, he doesn't have to like it. I really don't want to call him. I don't need to deal with his drama right now. I just— I miss him you know? I miss Spike."

Spike's chest constricted as he stood transfixed in the hallway.

"You mean the guy in your basement that you see everyday?" Willow asked.

He could hear Buffy continue and his feet started moving toward the sound. "It's not the same… I kind of want to just yank him up here and tell him how I feel and— I don't know… it's frustrating." She paused a moment, and he pressed closer to the door, catching a glimpse of her in the mirror shucking off her work clothes with her back towards Willow.

"I feel like this is all such a huge step backwards," she continued as she pulled on a pair of stretchy yoga pants, "I was right there Will! I was there, with the words on the tip of my tongue and he literally stopped me— he knew I was going to say it and he stopped me. And if I say it now it'll just be like—" Her voice cracked as she turned around to face her friend, "It's killing me to see him like this…"

"I'll keep working on it, Buff. We'll get your guy through this."

"Thanks Will."

"I hum… I'm just going to finish dinner, I'm sure the water is boiling by now."

Buffy nodded, "Go on, I'm kind of starving."

Spike darted quietly into the bathroom just as Willow came into the hallway and down the stairs.

His head was swimming.

God I've really buggered up everything haven't I?

He slipped out and stood outside Buffy's door. He raised a hand and knocked lightly with the knuckle of his middle finger.

She cleared her throat before answering, "I'll be down in a minute."

He pushed the door open without stepping inside. Buffy was pulling an oversized sweatshirt down over a tank top with her back to the door. A lump caught in his throat as she turned to look at him.

A small smile tugged at her lips despite her watery eyes, "You're out of the basement."

He nodded slightly and swallowed painfully. "Red might have got me thinking a bit."

"Oh yeah?"

He nodded sullenly as Buffy took a few steps toward him, adjusting her sweatshirt over her bump. There was an odd twisting sensation in the pit of his stomach. "Figured I'd better do something before you went and called the great forehead. Sounds like you were on the verge…" He tried for levity but fell short.

She tugged on her sleeve and nodded once, "So you heard all that huhh?"

"Sort of thought you might have known I was there. Vamp tingles and all… tellin' Red bout—" his voice cut out. Don't go bringing that up, you cad.

"Pretty sure you don't even count at this point, as the resident vampire I kind of feel you all the time."

Something in the way she said it made him want to strip down and pull her onto the bed with him. A niggling in the back of his head told him she wouldn't mind at all. And yet he couldn't. Not now. Not yet.

He cleared his throat, "Maybe I should go. I hum— I don't want to be a bother and— I know things have been a little strained between us since—" he stopped when he noticed the ashen look on her face, "Buffy?"

Buffy closed the distance between them in a heartbeat. Pulling him by the shoulders into a kiss. Spike froze at the sudden contact but soon relaxed into it. A wash of emotion rolled through him. A sense that maybe there was a light at the end of this dark tunnel he had been traversing. The fact that she could still make him feel more like a man and less like a monster was nothing short of a miracle. The thought consumed him completely.

Her fingers started carding through his already mussed hair and he let out a small growl of appreciation as he deepened the kiss. He was moving purely on instinct, every part of his body, mind and— and soul, were calling out for her touch.

There was something in that kiss, something blissfully brilliant that started to burn away the darkness that had been devouring him. He had held her and been held by her since the ensoulment but this was radically different. It was almost like a missing piece of him had suddenly been found. A missing ingredient she was now pouring into him. It was a different kind of burn than he had felt before. This was a warm, purifying blaze, filling the empty spaces within his being. Melting with his soul and easing it into place. Like flux filling cracked metal, fusing the pieces together.

Buffy pulled back from the kiss panting, eyes shining bright with emotion and desire. He could have almost sworn she was glowing. "I don't want you to go. Not ever. I need you to be here with me."

It took a second for his derailed brain to get back on track. "Sweetheart—"

"Please? Just stay."

He nodded, rooted to the spot. His brain was furiously trying to figure out what had just happened. The more he thought about it the more he just wanted to repeat the process.

He swallowed hard and started to say something when she suddenly pushed him against the door frame, pulling him into another kiss. This time his fingers managed to find the soft skin of her back, under her clothes. He moaned into the kiss, feeling more of the darkness melting away at her warm touch. More of his fractured mind melting back together.

It was a long moment before Buffy cupped his cheek in her hand and pulled back from him. "I've missed you."

"Buffy—"

"I— I don't mean— Look, we don't have to rush back into anything. I just want you to know that I've really, really missed you."

He watched his fingers glide through her hair and gave a tight nod, "I'll stay." He managed to rasp.

Buffy found his hand and linked their fingers together. "Good, because I'm pretty sure I would have kicked your ass if you had tried to leave anyway."

He couldn't help a small chuckle. Girl looks like she's swallowed a whole cantaloupe and she could still kick my ass. God, I love her.

Buffy beamed at him, "I missed your laugh."

"Wasn't entirely sure if it was still part of the package."

She grinned, "You can be such a dope."

"Maybe a bit."

"If I tell you I love you, are you going to try to stop me?"

He froze. His mind was still reeling from the intensity of her kisses and the visceral holistic effect it had on him. That coupled with the expectant look on her face made his mind stall.

"Buffy! Dinner is ready!" Willow's voice interrupted them from below.

Spike took a half step back from her, eyeing their entwined fingers.

Buffy watched him as she called downstairs to Willow, "Coming!"

Buffy lowered her voice again, "So?"

He shook his head slowly, "I won't stop you again, Luv."

"Good, don't get me wrong. I understand why you did it. I even sort of understand why you didn't tell me. Still pissed about that part, but I get it. I love that you did it for the babies, but I—" her voice caught in her throat and she swallowed hard.

"I know— I'm sorry bout that."

Buffy shook her head, "Don't you ever do anything big like this ever again without talking to me first! Got it?!"

He ducked his head, a small grin tugging on his lips, "I got it."

"Well good, glad that's covered, now come on," she said firmly before leading him down past the dining room, where Tara and Dawn were and into the kitchen.

Willow looked up at them as they came in. "Guess I missed something, huh?"

Spike glanced at Buffy, "Thought about what you said," he squeezed Buffy's hand, "besides, tummy is a bit grumbly, thought I should get a bit o'blood in me."

Over the course of the week, Spike had started to show vast signs of improvement. He had started joining them in household activities and helping Dawn with her homework again and had even gone out on patrol the other night with Buffy and the Buffy-bot. That had been an interesting endeavor that Buffy was still laughing about every time she remembered how he had to push the Bot off of him when it had tried to kiss him after he had staked his first vampire of the night.

Spike and Dawn were sitting in the living room going over a project she had to do on Shakespeare over the weekend when Buffy came home from work Friday. She smiled as she watched the two of them huddled together over the coffee table. "How's it going?"

Dawn rocked back against the couch to look at her better, "Alright— I guess— I feel like my eyes are going to melt."

"Girl has a flair for the dramatic," Spike chuckled.

Buffy cleared her throat as she made her way toward them, "Are you sure you're ready to go back to work next week?" She asked Spike.

He turned his face up to her, shrugging, "If I am or not, we need the money. Fact that they aren't asking a bunch of questions is something. Would've gone back a bit sooner had they been able to get me on the schedule."

Buffy bit her lip, "Well, I should probably go over to your crypt to get some more of your stuff."

Spike nodded, "We could go tonight."

"I can go now, it's not a big deal. I kinda feel like going for a walk anyway. I swear these two are sparring already," Buffy said, pressing a hand to her belly.

Spike reached out a hand tapping her belly with a finger, "No fighting in there," he grinned at Buffy, "If you're going then you'd better go. I'll fix dinner while you're out, know how you get when you don't eat."

Buffy stooped down awkwardly for a kiss, "Thanks."

"Ohh can I come?" Dawn asked excitedly.

Buffy shrugged, glancing at Spike, "Yeah, I guess you can, sure. Just let me get changed and we'll head out."

Dawn grinned as she sat back across from Spike. He raised an eyebrow at her, "What are you up to?"

"I never got to see the downstairs, I get to snoop!"

Spike snorted, "Bloody hell, you're a weird kid," he chuckled. He glanced at Buffy, "Best keep her out of the bedside drawers, yeah?" .

Buffy rolled her eyes trying to suppress the blush rising in her cheeks at the thought of the handcuffs she knew he kept there, "Like you need to remind me."

Buffy followed her sister down the trap door leading to Spike's room and immediately went over to one of his dressers to start putting clothes into a bag while Dawn started unabashedly, examining the space. Dawn wrinkled her nose, eyeing her sister, "You mean to tell me that you've been hanging out with him down here for months?"

Buffy felt her cheeks grow warm, despite the cold of the crypt and cleared her throat. "Well, I mean we would watch TV a lot. That's upstairs." She tried not to sound too obvious, but Dawn examined her suspiciously. "Can we focus please?"

Dawn frowned looking around, "Do you think we should bring his record player and stuff?"

Buffy followed her gaze and gave a nod, "Yeah, maybe some more of his books too."

Dawn went over to secure the lid on the portable record player and unplugged it from the heavy duty extension cord he had set up. She took the opportunity to poke around the rest of the crypt, examining his makeshift bathroom and laundry that Buffy had already discovered and wandering around the rest of the relatively empty space.

Buffy cleared her throat loudly just as Dawn was making her way towards the bed. "Hang on there Snoopy, I'm not doing all this myself. Go on, you have a box to fill with books and records. Get on it!"

Dawn rolled her eyes, "Fine, I don't see what the big deal is. It's not like he has anything around here that's super interesting. I mean unless you count that creep-tastic 'bathroom' he has back there."

"Exactly, which means you should be helping. I think I'm just about done with the clothes. At least he'll have some stuff for work."

"Do you think he's really ready?"

Buffy bit her lip, "I don't know. He does seem a lot better but I know he's still having serious trouble sleeping and the nightmares haven't stopped. I'm not sure if they ever will completely."

"Yeah, that's got to stink," Dawn added as she started pulling books from the shelves and stacking them neatly in the box.

The two of them continued to work in companionable silence, putting things in bags and boxes. Dawn took them up the ladder, handing them up to Buffy since her belly kept getting in the way. They would probably have to make multiple trips to get everything, but they would start with what they could carry.

Dawn gave another look around the upper floor of the empty crypt and turned to her sister thoughtfully, "I've been thinking."

"Always dangerous."

"I'm serious. Just hear me out. Spike has a soul now. So does he really even need the chip anymore?"

Buffy adjusted the box containing Spike's record player and a stack of records, and turned her attention to her. It was a good question, one that she hadn't even considered yet and she gave a thoughtful little hum. "Huhh— no, I guess you're right," she stammered thoughtfully.

Dawn shrugged, "Well, I mean it kinda sucks that he can't defend himself."

Buffy paused again thinking, "Yeah you're kind of right. I'll have to see if I can get a hold of someone to get it out."

"Couldn't hurt right?" Dawn beamed proudly as she strode over to the beat up fridge. She opened the door, scrunching up her face, "I kinda doubt this blood is still any good."

"Eww, yeah you're probably right but we kinda have our hands full right now. I'll have to come back and clean out the fridge."

And some of the other stuff too… uggh. It's not really a bad setup, really. It would be a shame to let it just sit… I wonder if that floppy friend of his would want to move in here.

Buffy sighed as she thought.

Priorities, Buffy, priorities… How do I call to schedule a chip-ectomy?

That night after everyone else had gone to bed, Buffy made her way down to the basement. Spike had set up his record player and was listening to the Ramones while attempting to make himself useful by doing a load of laundry. The thought of him being so domestic always threw her off a little.

"You seem like you're in a good mood," she said, announcing her presence.

"Music hath charms to soothe the savage breast," he quoted Congreve's famous line with a smirk.

Buffy rolled her eyes and went over to sit on his cot as comfortably as possible. She was starting to feel like she was carrying a bowling ball around. She grabbed his pillow, shoving it behind her back.

"What's up, Slayer?" He asked nonchalantly, eyeing the phone in her hand.

Buffy shrugged as she readjusted her seat on the cot and told him about Dawn's idea. "So what do you think?" She asked.

Spike hopped up to sit on the table facing her, "Thought they'd all cleared out without leaving a forwarding address."

Buffy bit her lip and held up a small slip of paper, "Riley left a number to reach him in case of an emergency. I just never thought I'd need it."

His eyebrows rose at that, "You don't really believe they'll just come and take it out because you call, do you?"

"I don't know, but I don't like the idea of you going back to work or having to deal with idiots like Warren and not being able to defend yourself. You have a soul now. The chip is redundant and stupid."

"You won't get any arguments out of me on that one."

She hesitated a moment before dialing the number in her hand. "Hello? I need to speak to Agent Finn"

There was a pause as a man claiming to work at a flower shop answered.

Buffy fumbled for a moment, "Ah no. I don't need any flowers. I need to talk to Agent Finn, Riley. Tell him we're having a problem with Spike's chip," she shrugged her shoulders at Spike's raised eyebrow. The only real problem was the fact the thing was still in his head but they didn't need to know that.

"No his chip. Spike; Hostile 17, he'll know what I'm talking about. We need to have his chip removed."

Another pause as she listened to the man on the other line.

"Is this really a flower shop or is this one of those things that I'm supposed to play along so you know that I know it is really a high security secret ops government thingy? Oh, maybe I shouldn't have said that. Okay well how about this, I need thornless roses— or maybe I have a bunch of roses but I need the thorns removed… and by thorns I mean the chip."

Spike rolled his eyes at her.

"Oh, OK, right. Well, if some guy named Finn shows up to buy flowers— Yeah. Thanks."

Spike raised an eyebrow and slipped off the table to sit next to her.

Buffy finished the call a little lamely and frowned at the phone

"Well, I'm not really sure if I just ordered flowers or a chip-ectomy."

Spike frowned as he settled into her side, "Guess we'll find out soon enough."

She set the phone down and turned to face him. He leaned into her a little.

His proximity was making her nerve endings sing. She moved in temptingly close, "Kinda brings me to the last thing I want to talk to you about."

He watched her lips, thinking about the last kiss they had shared, "What's that, pet?" He rasped.

"How do you feel about staying in my room tonight?"

He cleared his throat and opened his mouth to speak but no sound came out.

Buffy stood up taking his hand, watching him expectantly. "Come on, we'll both be a lot more comfortable up there. I'm in serious need of my favorite body pillow."

"Body pillow huhh?" He murmured as he let her pull him up.

She trailed her fingers over his chest, "Kinda up to you. I'm not going to say 'no' if you're offering," she smirked, remembering their conversation at Halloween.

His mouth had gone very dry but he nodded, if her kiss could have such a profound healing effect on him he could only imagine what sex would be like now. He gripped the back of her head, pulling her into another one of those kisses that seemed to make everything right. Buffy ran her hand up the back of his shirt, feeling his skin and pulling him closer to her.

The two of them made their way up the stairs to her room. Buffy pulled off her shirt revealing a pink bra and her rounded belly before looping her index finger into the front of his jeans and gently tugging him toward her. "So what do you say we test out this curse-free permanent soul thing."

He grinned, "Bring on the happiness."

"That's what I want to hear," she murmured as the two of them helped each other shed their clothing. Buffy wrapped her arms around him, pressing their bodies together, skin-to-skin.

He brought his hands to her belly, marveling at the changes he had missed. He could see her baby bump was more prominent through her clothes now, he knew the babies were growing but seeing her naked in his arms for the first time since getting his soul was an enthralling sight.

She pulled him into a kiss and eased him back onto the bed very slowly. Straddling his hips as she continued the kiss. Spike pulled back a little, resting his head on the pillow and gasping.

"Are you alright?" She asked, straightening up a little.

He let his hands drop from her waist, down to her thighs "God yes, it's just—"

"We can go easy, it's okay."

He nodded as he eased back, letting her run her fingers down his chest and stomach, down to the upper crest of his hips and back up. He caressed her thighs watching her rub her slick heat over him as she rolled her hips slowly grinding her clit onto his cock. He let out a little moan of pleasure as she applied just a little more pressure as her fingertips scratched down his chest lightly. Buffy quirked a smile, and chuckled softly as she watched him.

"What's so funny, Goldilocks?"

"I was just thinking maybe I should be playing Madonna," she grinned wickedly.

He looked at her puzzled for about a second before he scoffed, thrust his hips upward impaling her onto his cock, "Bloody hell, 'Like a Virgin', my ass."

Buffy clenched her eyes shut, gasping at the sudden fullness as he filled her. She opened her eyes slowly as she felt herself adjust to him and started to work herself up and down on top of him. "Ohh yes, God, Spike yes!"

He bit his lip watching her ride him. Her full breasts bouncing with her movements. He gripped her hips, helping her keep up the pace as her breathing became more irregular. Velvet walls clamped down on him as she drew closer to the edge. Spike moved his thumb to her clit. Buffy arched her back, pressing her hips down onto him as he met her thrusts. He moved the hand not teasing her clit, up to cup a breast, and rolled the tip between his thumb and forefinger.

Buffy's lower abdomen clenched almost painfully as he thrust upward several more times, sending her crashing down over the edge. She couldn't suppress a scream as she came. She bent over resting her forearms on his chest, shifting her body slightly.

Spike didn't relent. He kept pushing into her, building her up before she even started to come back down. Gripping her hips and thighs, massaging his fingertips into her taught muscles.

She was whimpering desperately, the sound setting his mind alight. He could feel his own release starting to build along with a pressure inside his chest that had nothing to do with the placement of her arms there. Buffy shifted herself to sit a little straighter again as his hands held her hips in place and she cried out screaming his name.

"Shh, pet," he grunted as he gripped a hand in her hair and pushed up to meet her for a kiss. He rolled, easing them onto their sides, letting her wrap her leg around him. She let out a keening moan as he drove into her with languid strokes, kissing her with a desperate need that was consuming them both.

He could feel pieces of himself melting into her even as she melted into him. The heat between them grew, despite his lack of pulse. Their tongues danced, a push and pull that made the world stop.

Buffy pulled back for a desperate breath as her body started to quiver. He held her to him, bracing an arm across her back as their lips met again. Buffy broke, convulsing against him as her orgasm racked her body.

A beautiful white light filled his vision as she came and he moaned into her mouth as his own release took him. The light growing brighter as he kept up the pace, pushing into her and sending her screaming one last time as he came inside her.

The light faded from his vision as they laid there, Buffy's breaths starting to ease out slowly.

She rolled onto her back with a happy little hum and a dazed look in her eyes.

He moved a stray hair from her face, caressing her cheek, "You alright, luv?"

She sighed happily, "I really needed that."

Spike grinned at her, "Think I did too. I'd even go so far to say it's good for the soul. Mine at least."

She turned, focusing her eyes on his face intently, "Really?"

"Just what the doctor ordered." He cleared his throat and tried his best to explain what he had been experiencing with each of their more intense kisses and how it compared to what had happened to him during their shared moment of bliss. "I know it sounds like I'm losing my mind, but honestly, I just feel— complete. Is that strange?"

Buffy gave a tiny shake of her head, "No, it's not. Or maybe it is but it's the best kind of strange," she paused, smiling, "it's funny actually. Here I was thinking I was the one who seriously needed to get laid."

Spike shifted down a little more comfortably, "Been pent up waiting for me, have you?"

She nodded a little sleepily, "You're so much better than some dumb toy."

He laughed, "Knew you had to have something hidden round here."

She grinned as she scooted a little closer, resting her forehead against his. "I like you better though."

"Guess that's a comfort," he said, running his hand over her side and resting it on her belly. "I love you."

She smiled softly, "I love you too."