Commissioned by Shaderic
Beta'd and edited by Dr. Feelgood and The Grand Cogitator
Yawning, Kazuma scratched at himself absently. He was dressed in an undershirt and boxers, with just slippers on his feet. It was an absolutely ungodly time: the sun had only been up for a few hours. He glanced at the wall clock: 9:26AM. Who woke up that early? No one respectable, that's for sure.
"What is it, Aqua?" he mumbled, looking at the three giant shapes she had under tarps.
"I wanted to show you the new mecha I'm building for everyone!" Aqua said excitedly, motioning Kazuma over to the tarps.
"Oh?" Kazuma perked up, coming over and helping Aqua pull the covering off of the nearest one, which was smaller than the other two.
"TA-DA!" Aqua said excitedly, gesturing to the 10 meter tall mecha. It was glistening black, with red highlights on the armor, with a slender build and sharp angles. There were long, flaring extensions to the knees and forearms, along with folded wings that looked too delicate to support the larger frame, and a head with a wide hat like that of a witch. The main weapon was an absolutely massive cannon bigger than the mech's entire body, built into the thing's chest, with a huge power supply on the back end.
"That looks… unwieldy," Kazuma said, shaking his head slightly.
"It's what Megumin wanted. I told her the power draw would be too much, but she kept upgrading the Wave Motion Explosion Cannon," Aqua said with a sigh. "My original design was much sleeker, but Megumin insisted on upgunning it again and again…"
"Will it even move?" Kazuma asked curiously, walking around the mecha as it hung from its launch rail.
"Oh sure. Here, the cannon folds up," Aqua said, and reached into the cockpit, pressing a button. True to her word, the massive gun folded in on itself, until the mecha was entirely flat-chested, only a bit of the power source poking out of the back.
"Huh. That seems…impractical. What other weapons does it have?" Kazuma asked.
Aqua shrugged. "None. I don't usually put weapons on my creations, they're too ugly."
"No weapons!? How are they supposed to fight?" Kazuma demanded, rounding on Aqua.
"Fighting is dumb. Besides, I give them articulating hands. They can just pick up a weapon if they have to," Aqua said with a shrug.
"Hmm, I suppose that's viable," Kazuma said, rubbing his chin. It did explain why the Lagaan had no guns, despite that being an obvious design flaw.
"Anyway, check out Chris'!" Aqua said eagerly, motioning to the next mecha. They pulled off the tarp together, revealing a 12-meter tall mecha with a smooth, organic-looking frame, with its armor colored forest green with silver highlights and on the undercarriage. There was a green cloak that hung from the mecha, and Aqua pointed to it proudly.
"That's a top-of-the-line stealth cloak! With that, Chris can hide from all spectrums of radiation! Sight, infrared, radar, ultraviolet, Detect Alignment, you name it!"
Kazuma paused, frowning. "Detect Alignment? What, like the DnD Spell?"
"Uh, I mean…magnetism? Anyway, it's top-notch, I made it myself! Took me a couple of days to hand sew it," Aqua said proudly, smiling up at the mecha.
Taking a circuit of the mecha, Kazuma had to admit it looked pretty slick. There was a bandolier with holstered knives, grenades, and some other special gear, along with a very sensitive sensor package that would be great at detecting enemies.
"So, it's like a lightweight scout package with stealth capabilities?" Kazuma asked curiously.
"Yep! This baby might not have firepower, but it's fast, stealthy, and has a special module. You'll have to get Chris to show it off to you, it's great! I call it the Shiny Getter 3000!" Aqua said happily, patting a bulbous shape on the right arm that looked a bit like a swollen gauntlet.
"Huh. Well, that's a neat trick," Kazuma said with a shrug. Maybe it would actually do something useful. He looked to the last tarp, frowning slightly. "What's that? A new mecha for Darkness?"
"Huh? No, she already has one," Aqua said, shaking her head. "This one is for me!"
Aqua yanked away the cloth, revealing a giant statue of herself. Kazuma blinked, tilting his head to one side. The entire thing looked surprisingly lifelike. Even on second glance, Kazuma couldn't see any seams or joints; it looked like a giant, 16-meter-tall human woman more than anything else.
"That's, uh, really impressive," Kazuma said. He wandered over to the mecha, taking a moment to peer under her skirt, as the Aqua Mech was dressed in a short miniskirt instead of her now more usual overalls and dirty work blouse.
"Thanks, I made sure to get all the details right!" Aqua said happily. To Kazuma's shock, she lifted up the skirt, showing what was under it for all to see. Damn. Booty shorts. "Feel the fabric!"
Kazuma did, lifting an eyebrow. "It feels just like silk."
"It is! Took me forever to sew it all, but I wanted to get all the details right!" Aqua said proudly. Then she noticed Kazuma reaching a hand towards the shorts, and slapping it away. "Stop it, you pervert!"
"I was just curious if she's anatomically correct," Kazuma said, trying to feign innocence.
"She has perfect measurements, just like me!" Aqua huffed. "You don't need to check. Anyway, this model can do all the stuff I can!"
"Cook weird breakfasts and turn beer into piss?" Kazuma guessed.
"No, you dummy! Besides, goddesses don't have to pee. Um, it's nanomachines!" Aqua said hastily. "No, this baby is a support model! It can repair stuff and do magic tricks. Watch!"
Kazuma watched as Aqua scrambled into the cockpit, then activated the mecha. It was eerily lifelike, even blinking and breathing as it turned on. Then the mecha did the "where's my thumb" trick.
"Very impressive. If you're five," Kazuma said with a snort.
"Hmph! Watch this! Nature's Beauty!" Two fans appeared in the Mecha's hands, and spouts of water appeared, giving Kazuma an impromptu cold shower.
"Ack, hey knock it off! That's just a lame party trick!" Kazuma spluttered.
"Hmph. I'll show you lame. Give me something I can make disappear!" Aqua ordered.
Kazuma looked around, then picked up one of Megumin's rocket launchers and handed it to Aqua. "Try that. Just don't blow it up in my face."
"Perfect!" The Aqua mecha bit her tongue slightly, then waved her hands over the rocket launcher. Then she took out a blue towel, draping it over the rocket launcher. The mecha tapped the hidden launcher once, twice, three times, then jerked the towel off. The rocket launcher was now nowhere to be seen.
"Very impressive," Kazuma said, clapping politely. "Where'd it go? You have some sort of hidden portal in your hand?"
"No, I don't really know where things go when I do that trick," Aqua admitted. Her head popped open, and Kazuma blinked at the absurdity as Aqua climbed out of a larger version of her skill. "Wanna see what I did for the Lagaan?"
"I mean, I do sort of like the fusion ability, but it would be nice to have some actual weapons," Kazuma said, following Aqua over to the Lagaan's stall. "Besides, that thing is probably copyright infringement."
"Hmph, I'm a Muse of the Arts, I probably inspired it somehow anyway," Aqua huffed, clambering into the Lagaan. "But I put something better than dumb weapons in the Lagaan!"
"A minifridge?" Kazuma guessed, thinking of the most useless thing he could.
"Hmm, no, but that's a good idea! This is better though." Aqua tapped the Big Button of Stuff, and out popped two familiar-looking controllers.
"No way, a Playstation 4?" Kazuma asked, picking one up. "Nice!"
"Not just that," Aqua said smugly. "Press the button again."
Kazuma did, and the controllers turned into two Super Nintendo controllers. "Woah! How'd it know? I love retro gaming!"
A small screen popped up, turning on with a standard menu.
"Ah, just like the SNES classic. I was always disappointed by the selection though," Kazuma sighed. He scrolled down a bit, then gasped. "Wait, how many games does this have?"
"All of them! Including some ROM hacks and unreleased games!" Aqua explained. She picked up a second controller, grinning widely. "Wanna play Mario Kart?"
"Wait, how many systems are there on here?" Kazuma asked, tapping the button again. This time, the controllers became Sega Dreamcast models.
"Most of them. Not the Xbox though. Cortana is a real bitch," Aqua opined.
Kazuma decided he didn't really want to know where that would go, but he sat down and pulled up a list of games. "Oh sweet, Worms Armageddon! Let's play that!"
"Ok! I like the funny noises the worms make when they die," Aqua agreed. She reached into the bottom of the Lagaan, pulling out two cold beers and handing Kazuma one.
"It's like, first thing in the morning," Kazuma said, cracking open his beer.
"So?" Aqua asked as she popped open her own.
"So I like the way you think," Kazuma said, and he and Aqua tapped cans. "Cheers!"
After a few drinks and firing up the game, Kazuma paused, thinking, "Where'd you get the beers?"
"Minifridge," Aqua explained.
"I thought you said you didn't put one in?" Kazuma said, frowning at her.
"I didn't, but it was a good idea so I changed my mind!" Aqua said happily. Then she pulled out a box of pocky. "Want some? It's strawberry!"
"Beer and pocky for breakfast," Kazuma sighed. "It's like I'm back home."
They sat and played games for over an hour until Megumin wandered down. "Hey, there you two are. What are you doing? I was going to go out for some target practice. Want to come?"
"That sounds like work," Kazuma said around a pocky stick. "Much better to stay inside and play video games."
"Dammit Kazuma, that shot should have been impossible!" Aqua raged. "How do you keep blowing up all my worms!?"
"Skill, Aqua, pure skill," Kazuma laughed.
"Well, this time I'm going to use a homing missile!" Aqua declared. "I'm sure to win this time!"
Her little worm did indeed fire off a homing missile, only for the projectile to lock on to himself, blowing the poor annelid straight to hell.
"Whhhhyyyy!" Aqua cried, tossing down her controller. "Why is my luck always so bad!?"
"They allow you to use simulated explosives in this game?" Megumin asked, peering at the screen with interest.
"Yes, like this one," Kazuma said. "BEHOLD! THE HOLY HAND GRENADE!"
"That's illegal! You can't use that against a goddess!" Aqua cried. All in vain, as Kazuma's divine bomb blew away the last of Aqua's worms, securing him the victory.
"Hmm. This does not seem like the typical sort of training simulation. But I will consent to play it," Megumin said, taking up Aqua's controller.
"Fine, just don't cry when I beat you," Kazuma laughed.
"It is you who shall know the fury of the Crimson Demon Clan!" Megumin declared. Then she noticed the beers. "Hey, can I have one?"
"You're kinda young to be drinking," Kazuma observed. "And it's not even noon yet."
"Don't be such a fuddy-duddy, Kazuma," Aqua said, getting Megumin a beer, apparently from a minifridge that had appeared in the floor of the Lagaan. "You should live life to the fullest! Enjoy, Megumin!"
Megumin took a sip, then made a face. "It is bitter. Can't alcoholic beverages be sweet?"
Kazuma let out a loud, long belch. "Sure. But those are the girly drinks. Beer puts hair on your chest."
Aqua paused, frowned, then tugged at her top and peered down into her cleavage. "No, it doesn't?"
"Stop showing off!" Megumin snapped and downed half her beer. "The taste is vile, but as I am an adult, I shall indulge in adult beverages!"
They goofed off for a while longer until the alarms began to blare once more.
KAIJU ALERT. INTRUSION DETECTED!
"They shall tremble before my *hic* power!" Megumin said, then giggled uncontrollably. She picked up her fourth beer in less than an hour and tried to drink it, mostly succeeding in dribbling it down her chin. "The Crishon…Crimeshot…I'M A PIRATE!"
"What you are is drunk," Kazuma said, sighing and standing. He took the mostly empty beer can from Megumin, who gasped and tried to snatch it back from him. "I'm grounding you."
"WHAT?! YOU CAN'T DO THISH TO MEEEEE! I WANT TO BLOW SHOMTHING UP!" Megumin wailed.
Chris and Darkness hurried into the hanger, just in time to see Kazuma holding up the can of beer and Megumin jumping up and down trying to get it.
"Darknessh!" Megumin hiccuped. "You hafta tell Kazuma to-"
And then Megumin tried to get out of the Lagaan, which resulted in her tripping head over heels, then landing face-first on the walkway below her. "Owwwwww…"
"Kazuma! Are you corrupting a young maiden by forcing her to consume drugs so that you may have your way with her?!" Darkness demanded, clearly aghast.
"Me?! Aqua was the one who gave her a beer!" Kazuma protested.
"Aqua," Chris said, her tone dangerous. "What did you do?"
"Hey, it's not my fault! She's an adult, she can make her own decisions!" Aqua protested, putting her hand to her breast and trying to look innocent, while also attempting to kick the large pile of beer cans out of sight.
"Wanna 'splode them," Megumin grumbled from the floor. "Wanna 'splode all of them."
"This is unacceptable," Darkness said, picking up Megumin who burped loudly. "She is unfit for duty."
"Hold her the other way, she's drunk enough to puke," Chris said, making a face. She turned to Aqua, frowning dangerously. "We're going to talk later. This is no way to treat your Chosen Champions, missy."
"Not the boss of me," Aqua muttered, puffing her cheeks out in a pout and looking away.
"Well if Megumin's grounded, what's the plan? Do we even go out with our big gun out of commission?" Kazuma asked.
Megumin began to giggle and snort. "Kazuma's the one with a gun *hic*, but I don't think his Holy Shword ish very big!"
"THAT IS NOT WHAT WE ARE TALKING ABOUT!" Kazuma shouted over the guffaws of Chris and Aqua and the heavy breathing and moaning of Darkness.
"It's a Red Genbu," Darkness said, shaking her head. "One is approaching the town from the North, and will be here soon."
"Wait, a genbu? So it's a giant turtle," Kazuma said. He turned around to face his new gaming station. "How soon? Like, three days?"
"It will physically arrive tomorrow," Darkness agreed.
"Meh, we'll deal with it then," Aqua said, picking up her own controller. "Let Megumin sober up first."
"...Aqua, did you forget what a Red Genbu IS?" Chris demanded.
"A red turtle thing, obviously," Aqua said with a shrug. "Kazuma said so."
"The pyroclastic flow should arrive in only an hour or two if the Red Genbu is allowed to erupt again," Darkness said, shaking her head. "I will offer myself as a shield to the people, absorbing each and every blow, my body wracked and torn by my foes, so that-"
"We get it, girl, don't worry, I'm sure you'll get beat up at least a little," Chris said, patting Darkness on the arm. "So saddle up, Kazuma. "You're coming with us."
"Shouldn't someone stay behind and make sure Megumin is safe?" Kazuma asked, trying his best to sound concerned.
"Aqua will put her to bed in Darkness' room. She'll just have to sleep it off," Chris said, wagging a finger.
"Yeah, no taking advantage of a girl while drunk, Pervzuma!" Aqua said, smacking Kazuma upside the back of his head.
"Come on Kazuma, you can pick if you want to perv on Darkness or me in battle," Chris assured him. She sighed. "I'm sure there'll be some contrived reason why we can't just beat this overgrown lizard on our own…"
"Well, now that you mention it, I suppose I could tag along," Kazuma agreed, thinking back to his time fusing with both girls. On the one hand, Chris was a lot of fun, and he'd enjoyed that position more. On the other hand, maybe this time he'd get revenge on Darkness.
Also, her boobs were much bigger.
The three pilots climbed into their mecha, preparing to launch. As he strapped in, Kazuma realized something.
"Aqua, you ninny, you turned my button into a game console! How am I supposed to fuse with anyone or do anything!?"
"She did what?" Chris asked, pausing in the act of getting into her mecha.
"W-what? You mean, you will not be able to, I mean, it is not good for my reputation, but I was prepared to offer my body as-"
"Don't be a dummy, Kazuma," Aqua said over the radio. She grunted, then muttered, "Heavier than you look, Megs. No, Kazuma, the button is context-sensitive."
"Context? What context!" Kazuma demanded, motioning to the button. "Ugh, you two just launch, I'll make Aqua fix it real quick and catch up to you."
"Yeah, Aqua has a tendency to do that to her creations," Chris sighed. "Oh well, maybe I'll be able to beat the genbu on my own! Come on, Darkness, girl power time!"
"Ah, then Kazuma will not be…um, molesting us?" Darkness asked, sounding disappointed as she closed her hatch.
"You know if you're that desperate you can just invite him to your room for a make-out session or something," Chris said over the radio as the two mecha took off, heading towards battle.
"T-that would be inappropriate! As my retainer, er, I mean, employee, the power disparity would be too great!" Darkness protested.
"Ok, but don't get mad if I make a move first then. I make it a policy to always get laid on vacation!" Chris said happily. "Oh, Kazuma's still in this circuit. Sorry, this conversation isn't for virgin ears."
"Then why are you talking to Darkness?" Kazuma said, but the airwaves were silent in response.
A few minutes later, Aqua came back into the hangar. "Look, it's not that complicated, Kazuma. The button knows what it needs to do! If you're in a combat situation, it won't just make you video games."
"How does it know? It's just ONE button! Seriously, this is the most unoptimized control scheme ever," Kazuma complained. He pushed the button, but it just popped out another beer. "Ok, now, that's pretty cool, but I'm already buzzed and I probably don't need to pull a Megumin here."
"Ugh, move over, maybe it's acting up. Or maybe YOU just don't want to go into combat!" Aqua huffed, scrambling back into the mini-mecha.
"Why would I? The only reason to fight is so that you can get laid, or maybe get paid! And I have a feeling this whole thing is just going to result in more debt for us!" Kazuma complained.
"Ugh, you're such a weirdo, Kazuma," Aqua complained. She pushed the button herself, and nothing happened. "Huh. Maybe it is broken?"
"Wait, didn't you say it was keyed to my DNA?" Kazuma asked. "So I'm the only one who can make it work?"
"Yeah but I made it, so I'm its goddess. It should recognize me," Aqua pouted.
"Sure, that's how this works. Man, I was hoping to fuse with Chris again," Kazuma sighed. After all, flat was justice. He poked the button, and to his shock, the mecha sucked up both the beer and the Dreamcast, before twisting and warping around both Kazuma and Aqua.
"KAZUMAAAAA! THIS ISN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN TO ME!" Aqua wailed.
"BWAHAAHAHA! You're mine now, you useless blue-haired bimbo!" Kazuma cackled. "I can do WHATEVER I want with you now!"
"NOOOOOOO!" Aqua wailed, and a moment later, the twisting resolved itself into…a brightly colored stage, with a glitter ball overhead, large speakers, and two large set of colorful arrows in the four cardinal directions.
"That's uh, huh. Not what I was expecting." Kazuma looked down at himself, then sighed in relief. Instead of some weird fetish gear, he was dressed in his tracksuit. The only oddity in his wardrobe was that he was now wearing green spats with sparkling white laces.
"Kazuma, Kazuma!" Aqua said excitedly, running over. She wasn't dressed in her normal wear either, instead having on sunglasses, a white top that showed off her midriff, a sporty jacket, a black miniskirt with blue trim, and white and blue pinstriped stockings. "We're in my mecha!"
"Are you serious!? The mecha that doesn't have ANY weapons?!" Kazuma demanded, going over to peer out of a viewport. "Huh. This thing is pretty big."
Indeed, the giant Aqua was now half again as big as before, over 22 meters tall, though still with perfect proportions, and dressed exactly like the Aqua beside Kazuma. Said mecha was now standing outside of the hanger, somehow. It was probably a good thing, as they were now probably a bit too big to get out of the launch bay without lube.
"This is great! We can go watch Chris and Darkness, and I can keep them repaired and healthy!" Aqua said excitedly. "Then we can have a picnic! Ooo, I'll pack some steaks, corn, and pineapple! We can grill it on the Genbu when it's dead, and have a picnic! Oh, but Megumin will be so sad to miss it…eh, I'll just cleanse her of poison and she'll be fine."
"You can do that?" Kazuma asked, frowning. "What are the side effects?"
"Your breath will be minty fresh for a few hours?" Aqua said in a questioning tone.
"You IDIOT! That's not a negative side effect!" Kazuma said, grabbing Aqua's cheeks and pinching.
"OW OW OW OW! STOPPIT! I didn't do it earlier because I figured Megumin needed to learn a lesson! We all get hangovers!" Aqua whined.
"Ugh. Fine. How do we move this thing?" Kazuma demanded.
"Well…like you move me!" Aqua said. She stepped up to the arrows on the floor, then began to step on them, humming to herself as she did so.
Kazuma watched as the mecha lurched into motion, listing slightly as it moved.
"What are you doing?" Kazuma asked, tilting his body to try to keep straight.
"Dancing, duh! Everyone has a beat inside them, and they just have to follow it!" Aqua explained. The mech lurched forward, dragging one leg.
"That's not right," Aqua said, frowning. "Hmm, I just have to dance faster! Ok, ready, GO!"
Aqua began to sing to herself, hopping back and forth between both sets of arrows, and the mecha began to walk more normally, if not very quickly. Still, as big as it was, the strides ate up the ground fast, and Kazuma managed to figure out how to patch into Chris and Darkness.
"Back me up! I'm going in!" Chris' voice said.
"Right! Face me, you overgrown lizard!" Darkness declared.
"Arrrgh! It's too hot! I can't get in close enough! I'll try a missile barrage!"
There was heavy panting from Darkness, followed by, "Oh, oh, it is too heavy for me to lift! Kazuma, Kazuma!"
"That's my name," Kazuma sighed.
"Kazuma, you have to fuse with one of us!" Chris grunted. "Hurry up and get out here and pick!"
"Yeah, about that." Kazuma looked back to Aqua, who was grinning broadly and sweating, but apparently having the time of her life doing DDR for two.
"You didn't fuse with Megumin, did you!? Kazuma, I knew you were a pervert but I thought you were more of a man than that!" Chris snapped.
"Kazuma, though I may want you to take advantage of me in such a way, Megumin was in no fit state for you to force yourself on her! Oh, if only I had been there, to shield her nubile young body with-"
"Hi guys!" Aqua said excitedly. "Kazuma fused with me! I got a whole dance studio now, it's pretty cool!"
There was dead silence for a moment until Darkness moaned throatily.
"Oh stop just letting it chew on you and get out of there!" Chris snapped. Then she sighed. "Seriously, Kazuma? I'm going to have to hurt you now. I'll let Megumin punch you a few times when she wakes up."
"It's not like that! Aqua, turn on the live feed!" Kazuma ordered.
"Huh? Oh, yeah! I should be recording this, dancing is fun!" Aqua said.
"Dancing?" Chris asked.
"You…you are doing something so lewd already!?" Darkness gasped.
A screen flicked on, showing both Chris and Darkness. Both were sweating, and clearly in the midst of combat. Kazuma walked over and waved. "Yo."
"You have got to be kidding me," Chris muttered. She grunted, obviously disengaging, then turned to the camera. "Seriously, Kazuma!? You perv on every girl you mean, but the most smoking hot one of the lot, and THIS is what happens?!"
Kazuma glanced over at Aqua, and the two of them shared a puzzled look, and both shrugged.
"I mean, I guess he's not ugly or anything," Aqua said. "But he's just a friend."
"Yeah, I mean, Aqua's cute and all I guess but she's just, you know, one of the guys. Someone to hang out with and have a few beers," Kazuma said.
"Yeah, exactly! We're buddies, but it's not like that," Aqua agreed.
"Y-you don't think of me as just a friend, do you, Kazuma?" Darkness asked.
Kazuma opened his mouth, then shut it. "You know, I don't think this is the time. Because now we have to figure out how to stop that Genbu before it blows us all up or something. I just know we'd get settled with the bill if it did."
"That's probably true, and I would really hate to spend the next century or two as a debt slave," Chris sighed. "Aqua, please tell me you did not just make that model look pretty and give it no weapons."
"Uh, well, I did add a repair module?" Aqua said, smiling nervously.
"Don't worry about it, I got it figured out," Kazuma said with a wave of his hand. He nodded to Aqua. "Can you still do that Nature's Beauty trick? Only, like, more?"
"Huh? Oh, I guess. Nature's WAAAAA!"
Aqua paused in her dancing to attempt the maneuver, only for the mecha to lose balance and topple over, sending her and Kazuma flying and crashing into the wall, as Aqua's mech lacked anything like safety features or seatbelts.
"Owww," Aqua moaned. "I can't reach all the controls fast enough?"
"Will you two stop screwing around! This thing is getting ready to blow!" Chris urged.
Kazuma groaned, getting to his feet and helping Aqua up. He looked around, and a lightbulb clicked on. "Hey, did you ever watch Evangelion?"
"Duh of course." Aqua blinked, then grinned. "Hey, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Episode Nine!" they said together excitedly.
Together, the two of them scrambled over to the DDR pads in the floor, and Aqua pulled up a song menu on the screen. "Hmm, are you any good at DDR, Kazuma? You are kind of a shut-in."
"Hey! I had a job." Kazuma grinned, and somehow, he knew. He grabbed his tracksuit and ripped it, revealing a full Elvis Costume beneath, complete with his hair gaining a massive pompadour. "At an arcade. I am the DDR MASTER. Hit it!"
"Right, let's do this!" Aqua agreed and selected Butterfly Upswing Remix: Expert Mode.
The rapid pop beat began to blare out of the speakers, and Kazuma and Aqua struck identical poses as the screen flashed and counted down, the arrows appearing.
"Let's see if you can keep up," Kazuma laughed.
"Please, I'm a goddess! No one can beat me at DDR!" Aqua declared.
As one, they began to stomp out the beat, both of them instinctively doing motions with their arms and hands in time with the beat. The Aqua-Mecha righted itself, then began to dash forward towards the distant smoke and fire of the Genbu ahead of them.
Ay, ay, ay, I'm your little butterfly
Green, black and blue,
Make the colors in the sky
Sweat started to drip from Kazuma's forehead, both from his exertions and from the rising temperature near the Genbu.
"Darkness, there they are! Keep the genbu distracted while Kazuma and Aqua attack!" Chris ordered.
"No matter how this beast cruelly degrades and harasses me, I shall stand firm, so that I aaaahh~ "
The pulse pounded in Kazuma's ears, and he motioned, summoning for the power he knew was there, even as Aqua did the same.
"NATURE'S BEAUTY!" both roared in time with the music.
Water fountained up from the fans that appeared in their hands, and splashed all over the giant Genbu. More than anything, it resembled a certain Pokémon, overgrown to the size of a football stadium. Lava bubbled from the vents on its back, and smoke billowed and raged.
At the water striking it, the Genbu spit out Darkness's mecha, turning to face Kazuma and Aqua, snorting smoke as ash flew from its back.
"I-I can take it!" Darkness gasped, trying to stand. "I-I am not finished!"
"It is! Again!" Kazuma ordered.
"NATURE'S BEAUTY!"
More water splashed over the Genbu, but it wasn't enough. The turtle bellowed and charged, raging forward!
…at the speed of a lame horse.
"Damn, that's not enough! We need more, Aqua!" Kazuma panted as the song wound down.
"I know, I'll pull up another song!" Aqua agreed. "How about Love Shine?"
"Not enough. We need something awesome, something epic!" Kazuma declared.
"Cruel Angel's Thesis?" Aqua suggested.
"No! WE NEED RENAI CIRCULATION!" Kazuma declared.
Chris snorted and tried to stifle a giggle, but Aqua nodded seriously. "Yes! For the kawaii!"
"FOR THE KAWAII!" Kazuma roared, and the cutesy pop music began to play.
"Right, what else do you know?" Kazuma asked as he danced along to the beat.
Aqua kept right up with him, her brow furrowed as she thought. "I could do Sacred Create Water, but that's complicated…the dance moves will be extreme."
"We can handle it! I AM LEGENDARY AT DDR! MAKE IT SO, NUMBER 1!"
"Aye aye, King!" Aqua agreed, and the beat redoubled. The two of them gave themselves to the beat, as the Genbu raced forward. It would be there any time! From about, say, 5-10 pm. Give or take an hour or two.
"SACRED! CREATE! WATER!" Kazuma and Aqua roared together, stretching their arms out as they danced in time to the beat.
A stream of water of truly diluvian proportions roared up out of the mecha's upstretched arms, racing up into the sky, then slamming down with the force of a hundred hurricanes upon the back of the Genbu. The massive Kaiju bellowed, attempting to erupt, but even the fury of a volcano was no match for the crashing of the ocean upon its back. The Genbu slumped, then lay down, its fires flickering, then dying. Soon, only a blackened hill remained.
The music slowly faded, and Aqua and Kazuma stood together, panting. They turned, smiling, and clasped arms, giving a firm shake.
"A pleasure dancing with you, Lady Aqua," Kazuma said, a manly tear sliding down his cheek.
"I've rarely had such a fine partner, Mr. Sato," Aqua said, her tone grave. "You're welcome to jam with me any time."
"Yeah, that was pretty cool," Kazuma agreed. He let go, and the mecha twisted and swirled, resolving back into the Lagaan and Big Aqua.
"Please, Chris…tell me you got that all on video?" Darkness gasped.
"Oh, I did. I livestreamed the whole thing," Chris chuckled.
Kazuma jerked up in his seat. "What?!"
Chris started laughing, then pressed a button on her console. The bar in Axel appeared, where everyone was cheering and whistling, waving to Kazuma.
"DO CAN'T STOP FALLING IN LOVE NEXT!" one man cheered.
"SHAKE THAT BOOTY LADY AQUA!" several girls cheered.
"Come on, Kazuma! You go, girl!" a very camp male voice crowed.
Kazuma buried his head in his hands. "Chris, I want you as my second for when I commit seppuku."
"Not a chance! We haven't even properly fused yet. I want to see what I can do with a real mecha!" Chris laughed. "Come on, it's not so bad! I made 50k in donations on that stream too!"
Kazuma looked up. "Wait, really?"
"Yep! We should totally cosplay whenever we ride into battle. I have some ideas!" Chris said, rubbing her hands together eagerly.
"That's uh…huh," Kazuma tilted his head, then shrugged. "I mean, as long as you split it with me and Aqua."
"I'll buy you a round. Come on! Let's head back to base," Chris said, and the mecha turned back towards the BMI base.
Meanwhile, up in Space,
The Devil King watched from his flagship, frowning at the two dancing figures on his screen. He sneered, turning to his second.
"So, the GF thinks to stop me with party tricks and dance moves? Fa! Send in my best team!"
"The Ginyu Force?" his lieutenant suggested.
"Not after that jock strap incident," the Devil King said, shuddering slightly. He reached up, touching one of his horns before hastily lowering his hand. "No. Send in…The Toku-Sentai Squad!"
"At once, my Liege," the Lieutenant agreed, bowing.
"And get me a DDR machine!" the Devil King ordered. "DDR Master my ass. I'll show them who's the best at DDR! ME! MWA-HAAHAHHAHAAHAH!"