Thanks to The Grand Cogitator and DR_Feelgood for beta reading.

And thanks to shaderic for commissioning this fic.

"Everyone, this is the commander speaking," Darkness's voice said over the PA system, as if Kazuma and the others didn't know perfectly well who she was. Darkness took a deep breath, and continued. "As of now, I am Lady Dustiness…but please, continue to refer to me as Darkness. Our drop ship's ETA is 17 minutes. Have your bags packed and read in the hanger for loading and departure by that time. Command out."

"Is she serious?" Kazuma asked, looking up from where he was stuffing a duffle bag. He didn't exactly have much to pack, but he was bringing an extra pillow for his butt. He had no idea how long the ride was going to be and the Lagaan wasn't exactly what he would call a luxury ride. Even if it did seem to be intent on supplying him with one.

"Huh, who knew Darkness had that much steel in her spine? I like it!" Chris laughed, slinging her own bag over her shoulder. "Hurry it up Aqua, this is going to be fun!"

"I don't wanna go! All my stuff is here!" Aqua wailed, trying to shove a variety of clothes, magazines, game systems, cosmetics, and bottles of booze into two completely unorganized duffle bags.

"Isn't most of your stuff back at the GF base or whatever?" Kazuma asked, frowning at the mess.

Aqua dropped her bags with a thud, her brow furrowing. "Oh yeah." She thought for a moment, then began to sniffle.

"Now you've done it," Chris sighed. "I promise she'd completely forgotten until you reminded her."

"BWWAAAAAA! Kazuma, why do I have to live on this smelly planet?! There isn't even good wifi here! The food is icky, I don't have my wonderful spa, and I'm missing all my cute outfits! I look so ugly in these rags!"

Aqua was currently wearing a jumpsuit that was, as far as Kazuma could tell, entirely identical to the one he'd met her in. "I don't know what you're talking about. You're just as ugly as you were when you kidnapped me."

"Oh boy," Chris sighed, putting a palm to her face.

"YOU JERK! GOD BLOW!"

Kazuma barely managed to deflect Aqua's blow with the duffle bag, which ripped and spilled Kazuma's stuff everywhere. "HEY! WHAT THE HELL!?"

"How dare you call me ugly!" Aqua snarled, slapping at Kazuma, until he grabbed her cheeks and started pulling. She was surprisingly strong, and responded by grabbing Kazuma's own cheeks. "Ow! I just said you looked like you did when I met you!"

"Stop being mean! You know I'm cute and beautiful! A schlubby NEET like you should be grateful a gorgeous goddess like me consents to hanging out with you!"

"Yeah well I -OWOWOWOWOWOWOW!"

Chris had grabbed Aqua and Kazuma both by the ears, and was looking rather done with things. "You two have five minutes to grab your crap and get down to the hanger. I am not missing out on an epic war against one of the Space Devil King's Elite Special Forces. And I need Kazuma so he can fuse with me and let me save the day, and I need Aqua because she can heal me, and BOTH OF YOU ARE FRIENDS SO KNOCK IT OFF!"

"Jeez, Chris, it's just how we show affection," Aqua grumbled.

Kazuma tried to nod, but winced at Chris' unyielding grip. "Yeah, if I didn't harass her, how would Aqua know I love her?"

"Ew."

"Not like that, you useless bimbo!"

"Me, a bimbo!? You're the lazy ow ow ow ow Ok, Ok! I get it Chris, we'll stop!"

Chris let both of them go and shook her head. "I swear. You two are like long separated siblings. Aqua, give Kazuma one of your bags. No, don't argue. We'll get better stuff off Darkness when we save her father anyway. Now get moving!"

"What's eating her?" Aqua grumbled to Kazuma as they hastily packed his stuff into her extra bag. "We were just talking."

"Maybe she's jealous that I fused with Darkness instead of her last time," Kazuma said with a shrug. "I still haven't decided which girl's route I'm going down, but Chris is definitely racking up the points, even if her rack doesn't compare to Darkness's. But she's got a nice ass."

"I'd hurry up and choose if I were you. Real life isn't like one of your games you know. If you dither around instead of locking in a route, you'll just end up with the bad ending," Aqua told Kazuma.

"Yeah, but what about a harem route? Just imagine it! Me, with all three girls, shacked up together, fusing in and out of the mecha!" Kazuma sighed.

"You're more likely to end up with a nice boat," Aqua snorted, zipping up her bag and heading for the hangar.

"That's a low blow and you know it!" Kazuma snapped, hurrying after her and slinging his pack on his shoulder.

Aqua shrugged. "I'll resurrect you if they kill you, but I can't heal emotional damage and I'm certainly not shacking up with a dumb NEET like you."

"Uggo bitch."

"Lazy pervert."

"Are you two fighting again?" Darkness said, striding out of her room. She was dressed not in her usual business getup, or her power armor, but rather a crisp military uniform. It was yellow and white, and obviously some sort of dress uniform instead of a combat one. The half cape with a mother of pearl clasp sort of gave that away. Her shoulder boards bore two small planets with orbiting moons, while her salad board had various awards that Kazuma couldn't tell came from brushing your teeth on the regular, or acts of valor. He leaned more towards Darkness being stupidly good at PT than actually being effective in combat though. "Chris told me you were arguing: I shall not have my vassals bickering in a fashion that could endanger the mission. Do you understand me?"

"We weren't fighting," Kazuma and Aqua said at the same time, both of them sulking slightly.

Taking a second look, Kazuma noted that Darkness was standing up straighter than usual, her chest thrust out, which emphasized her bust. Though it did look as though she were wearing something more restraining than usual, it didn't diminish the fact that her boobs were still nearly as big as his head. Her hair was also pulled back into a tighter ponytail, and she had on a side arm of all things.

"Can you hit anything with that?" Kazuma asked, nodding to the pistol. "Or are you as good with that as you are with a sword?"

"T-that is not an appropriate question to ask your superior officer, Kazuma Sato," Darkness said, somewhat ruining the effect by blushing mightily. "Report to the hanger. The dropship will be here shortly."

"Sure, fine," Kazuma grumbled, shuffling off and sticking his hand in his pocket. He glanced over his shoulder, seeing Darkness biting her lip and looking worried. He sighed and straightened up, saluting casually. "Yes ma'am. We'll go save your dad."

Darkness immediately brightened, returning Kazuma's salute crisply. "Then to your ship, Mr. Sato."

Kazuma sauntered down to the bay, Darkness's boots ringing on the metal plating of the hanger catwalk as she marched in precise steps. As the ship approached, she even took out a beret, black with a gold trim, and placed it snuggly on her head. Then she fell into parade rest, hands behind her back as she waited for the ship to dock in the hanger. Chris assumed parade rest as well; she was dressed once more in her fatigues and combat boots, though she'd trimmed her top so that it barred her midriff. Kazuma approved: women in uniforms could be sexy, but sexy uniforms were the best kind.

The ship itself was huge, barely fitting into the hangar, which itself was over 200 meters in length. As far as looks, it resembled a large wedge shape, with massive engines, and hooks on the wings that mecha could be attached to. The whole thing was painted in garish yellow on top, with a winged shield and the words "Defenders of the Faith" written on it.

And also nose art of two very handsome men with not much in the way of clothes in a very compromising position. Kazuma shifted, feeling slightly uncomfortable at seeing two bishi boys who looked like they were about to start making out. Why couldn't they have gone the yuri route instead? Yaoi really wasn't his thing.

The ship docked, and a ramp extended down to the catwalk in the hangar. A moment later, the hatch popped open, and a woman in a blue uniform appeared. Unlike Darkness, her uniform had a skirt on it, and she was wearing heels and pantyhose. By the insignia on it, she was still a member of the same military, just a different branch. The woman herself had a stern expression, with a bit of bright red lipstick on, as well as glasses, which she adjusted as she looked down at Darkness. Her hair hung down to her shoulders, and was straight and dark, her eyes a violet similar to Chris'.

She strode down the metal ramp, her heels clicking until she stopped before Darkness. She was a good head shorter than Darkness, and a hair under Kazuma's own height, even with her heels on. She snapped to attention, saluting Darkness crisply.

"It is good to see you are finished goofing off, my Lady Lalatina. Your transport awaits. Your miscreant band of misfits may load their buckets of scrap now."

Darkness flushed at being called Lalatina, but looked much more irritated at the last part. "These are my friends and vassals, Major Sena. Treat them as such. And don't call me Lalatina!"

"Oh of course, I am certain these are loyal vassals and not a bunch of thugs and gutter scrapings," Sena said, her tone so bland it was a clear insult. "I will make sure to treat them and you with the respect you deserve. Colonel Lalatina."

Darkness winced and opened her mouth, but Kazuma shoved in front of her, sticking his finger in Sena's face. "Hey! She said not to call her Lalatina, Major McBitch. And another thing! We're all ace pilots who ARRRRRGHHHH!"

Sena had calmly taken a spray bottle out of a pouch at her waist, and squirted Kazuma in the face. It wasn't the first time a woman had maced him, but oddly it didn't really feel like pepper spray.

"MAJOR SENA!" Darkness thundered as Kazuma's eyes wept and he scrubbed at his face. Aqua and Chris had him in a moment, forcing his eyes open as Aqua poured water into his streaming tear ducts.

"DIE FOOL!" Megumin roared, and hurled herself at Sena. What followed was a furious exchange of blows and karate kicks, then ended with Sena on the ground with Megumin cackling atop her, though the shorter Crimson Pirate now sported a black eye.

"HA HA HA HA HA! NONE MAY FACE THE CRIMSON PIRATE CLAN IN ONE ON ONE COMBAT AND LIVE TO TELL THE TALE! WITNESS MY SUPERIOR MASTERY OF THE MARTIAL ARTS!"

Darkness shoved Megumin from atop her conquest, and hauled the gasping Sena up by her lapels. "Major Sena. What on the Moons possessed you to PEPPER SPRAY MY MAN!?"

"Oooh, possessive. Guess I'll have to work overtime if I want to cross the finish line first," Chris told Kazuma, handing him a hankie to wipe his face off.

"Have you considered sharing?" Kazuma coughed.

Chris smiled, and kneed Kazuma in the groin. "Not really, no."

"Told you," Aqua said.

Kazuma just sobbed softly to himself on the floor.

"It wasn't pepper spray," Sena protested, her feet kicking as Darkness lifted her up off the ground. "It was mouthwash! His breath is vile! You would pick such a poor excuse for a man."

"I-I meant that, ah, in the sense that he is, um, my man-at-arms, and sworn sword," Darkness stammered, dropping Sena back to the ground, where she barely managed to keep her feet.

"No, you didn't, Lalatina," Sena said coldly.

"Hmph. I can easily defeat her in a second round," Megumin said, assuming a fighting stance and bobbing back and forth on her feet. "It is well known that the Axel Military is utterly pathetic, and that it takes five of their men to face a single Crimson Demon in a bar fight!"

"That's because you're a bunch of genetically engineered freaks," Sena huffed. "Get your mecha loaded you little space gremlin. At least I know one of you didn't earn your place as the Lady's bed warmer."

"I think I hate her," Chris mused. "Hey Darkness, I can tie her up and leave her in a closet here. I'm pretty sure I can fly that ship better than Major McBitch anyway."

"It's good to see you're keeping as uncouth company as ever. A shame what house Dustiness has come to," Sena said, her tone scathing. "Well? The city is still under siege. Are you going to hurl imprecations at me, or are the lot of you going to do your jobs? And lay one more hand on me, and I'll have you all up on charges, and that ship goes nowhere."

"Megumin?" Darkness ground out.

"Yeah?"

"You and Aqua get the mech loaded," Darkness growled. She pointed to the ship. "Get to your station, Captain. Or this won't be the only demotion you face on this trip."

"See if I care. I should be back at the city, fighting and dying alongside my comrades! Instead, I get to play chauffeur to a spoiled brat who's an intrastellar embarrassment!" Sena snapped, then stalked back up the ramp, limping slightly.

Darkness stared after Sena, her fists clenched so hard her knuckles popped, her face red and tears forming at the corners of her eyes.

"Hey, fuck her," Kazuma rasped, standing up and wincing at his still tender bits. He hobbled over and put a hand on Darkness' shoulder, reaching up to give her a squeeze. "You're a good boss. We'll go save your dad."

"Thank you, Mr. Sato," Darkness gasped, her voice somewhat raspy. She blinked twice, then pointed. "Well, get those mecha loaded, and your gear stowed! We have a mission to do!"

"Aye aye, ma'am!" Chris said, saluting as she dragged Aqua and Megumin off to go load the mecha.

Once they were gone, Kazuma winced and stood up. "So, uh, does that 'my man' comment mean you're confessing to me or…?"

"If you had asked yesterday, I would have welcomed you to my bed," Darkness said quietly. "But, as Sena has said, I have been a foolish child, shirking her duties. I'm sorry, Kazuma. I can't be Darkness anymore. I'm Lady Dustiness now."

"I still won't call you Lalatina," Kazuma said stoically. "So, uh, if we save your dad…"

"Sometimes, I wonder about my own taste in men," Darkness groaned, then strode up the ramp, her boots slamming down into the deck plates.

Kazuma limped after her, wondering if he could convince Chris to join the mile high club. On second thought, maybe not. He should probably just see if they had an ice pack.

It took a while to get the mecha hooked on, during which time Darkness did have one of the airmen obtain an ice pack for Kazuma, who sulked in his jumpseat and eased his aching junk. To his surprise, the Lagan was put in the back of the passenger compartment, strapped down and simply sitting there. The whole arrangement was far from luxurious, with metal deck plating, crash webbing, and no windows.

"Strap yourselves in," Sena's voice said over the intercom as the engines roared to life, even as the Lagaan was secured. "We've wasted enough time here. We're departing immediately."

Darkness took a seat over against the far bulkhead, away from Kazuma. Chris went over and sat with her, talking quietly with Darkness, who was silent at first, then sobbed into Chris' shoulder, the smaller woman rubbing her back consolingly.

"Uh, should I go over and talk with her?" Kazuma asked.

"Later. We're playing Uno!" Aqua said, drawing a deck of cards out of her bra and slapping it on the table.

"Why should I want to touch your boob sweat?" Megumin demanded, scowling down at the cards. "And what is this game? I have never heard of it."

"Uno's great! You play your cards, and the one with the last one says Uno, or if you beat 'em to it they have to draw seven!" Aqua said happily. "And don't worry, they're fine. Come on, let's play!"

Kazuma ended up letting Aqua deal him a hand of cards, though he did sneak a glance over at Chris and Darkness, who were still chatting. Darkness's eyes were red from crying, and Chris looked rather consoling, though he couldn't hear either of them over the roar of the engines. He wondered if they were talking about him, though that was purely his narcissism speaking.

They were, of course, talking about Darkness' conflicting sense of duty and feeling of being strangled in her persona as Lalatina Dustiness, compared with the freedom and joy she felt as Darkness the Insurance Adjuster. They also talked about her relationship with her father, and other personal matters. Kazuma very deliberately didn't come up. Chris was just a very good friend and listener, though she did touch on her military experience and some colorful incidents in her past.

After just over an hour of flying, the ship suddenly dove, and began to shudder, as red lights flickered on.

"This is Captain Sena. We are under attack. As we have no escorts, we are taking evasive maneuvers. Mecha pilots, prepare to-"

The ship bucked and rocked, and explosions sounded.

"We're taking hits! Damnation, where did all these fighters come from!?" Sena swore.

Kazuma unbuckled himself and staggered back. He was really just air sick, the sudden turbulence making him seek the bathroom, but Chris and Darkness were beside him in a moment.

"GET TO THE LAGAAN!" Darkness roared, shoving Kazuma forward. Chris had a knife out, and slashed at the restraints, even as Darkness shoved him into the mecha's cockpit.

"What, you want me to go out there in this!? I'm unarmed!" Kazuma protested.

"We need to get to our mecha, you can fuse with one of them!" Chris urged. "Before we're destroyed!"

"Quickly, we'll make for the boarding tubes, you have to-" Darkness began, and then another explosion rocked the ship. Kazuma's forehead slammed forward, and his head cracked against The Button That Causes Serious Problems.

Kazuma felt things twisting and shifting, and the next thing he knew, he was gripping the yoke of an aircraft, which was mounted on someone's tailbone, their posterior rubbing firmly against his still somewhat sore crotch.

However, Kazuma took one look at who was doggy style in front of him, and took his hands off the yoke, trying to back away. "Nuh-uh. No way. I refuse! Seriously!? I'm up for some ecchi fun or even an H scene, but I am NOT unlocking YOUR path, McBitch!"

"What in the name of the Holy Sword is going on!?" Sena swore. She turned around, her face going scarlet when she saw where Kazuma was. "YOU!? What are you DOING!?'

"How do I turn this thing off?" Kazuma demanded, looking around to unfasten his harness. "Listen, I haven't decided if I'm chasing Chris or Darkness or if it's worth risking a boat ride to go for them harem route, but no matter what, I'd rather let Megumin kill you than have them walk in on us or something and not only come to the wrong assumption, but probably clobber me too, even if I 100% don't deserve it!"

"Um, K-Kazuma, I do appreciate your, ah, loyalty, but um-" Darkness's voice stammered from behind him.

"BUT FLY THE FREAKING PLANE YOU DUMBASS BEFORE WE CRASH AND YOU KILL US ALL!" Chris screamed.

Looking up with a start, Kazuma noticed that the ground really was approaching at an alarming rate, and grabbed the yoke. He desperately pulled up, which slammed his very tender bits against Sena's.

"Ooooh! Ah, don't do that! You'll tear the wings off!" Sena panted, squirming and making things much worse. "Ease up! Ease up!"

Reluctantly, Kazuma complied, turning to the side and trying to bank to buy himself more time. Behind him, Darkness and Chris were strapped in, both of them back to back and apparently mostly naked. They appeared slightly flustered, especially the smaller Chris, but they were tapping at their control panels and doing whatever task the Lagaan had decided they needed.

"Better," Sena rasped. "Oh! That feels…it's been so long…oooo, perhaps I understand why that slut Lalatina ran off with you…"

"Knock it off!" Kazuma snapped, slapping Sena's rear end and making her yelp in protest. "And don't you dare badmouth Darkness! If anyone's going to call her a dirty slut, it's me! To you, she's LADY Darkness, and don't you forget it McBitch."

Darkness moaned, while Sena looked over her shoulder and glared at Kazuma. "She's the perverted masochist. At least treat me kindly if you're going to force yourself on me. And talk sweetly. It's what a real lady wants."

"Yeah, no, fuck you, but not actually," Kazuma snapped. "Where are those enemies? And what's our armament?"

"They're from nine to four o'clock high," Sena grunted. "And we're armed with…hmm. It appears we have been upgraded. We have four heavy auto cannons, two ER-PPCs, and four long range missile launchers with…that can't be right."

"What can't be right?" Kazuma demanded.

"We only carry eight missiles total, but it's reading that we have eight missiles for each launcher, for a total of 32," Sena said, sounding puzzled. "This is very odd."

"Aqua's a ditz, but she's a genius too," Chris chuckled. "I've got control of the weapons systems back here. Darkness my friend, maybe you should let me do the firing…"

"That, ah, might be for the best," Darkness admitted. "I shall manage our shields and self repair systems."

"What?! We don't have either of…oh my. I appear to have both shields and an auto repair systems. Mr. Sato, I will let you mount me daily if you upgrade my plane like this whenever I-"

"Hard pass," Kazuma grunted, turning the plane so that he was broadside on to two of the enemy fighters. "Chris, let them have it!"

"Eat frickin' laser beams!" Chris cackled, and opened up with her ER-PPCs. She managed to snipe one clean out of the air, blowing off a wing and sending the enemy fighter tumbling away. Now that Kazuma got a good look at them, they looked suspiciously like sleeker Japanese Zeros, though they had a single jet engine running the length of their bodies instead of a propeller.

"The hell does that say if I'm blowing up ships that look like my countrymen's?" Kazuma muttered.

"Sorry, we were originally going to recruit Americans for this setting, but they could never pass the physical," Chris offered.

"Heh, nice," Kazuma chuckled.

"Don't get too smug. You barely passed Mr. My-Cardio-Is-DDR. And trust me, most girls appreciate a man with some muscle on him," Chris pointed out.

Darkness made appreciative noises, and Sena nodded. "No woman wants a weakling."

"Oh screw you all," Kazuma muttered. "I'm never getting abs like Darkness' no matter how I train."

Darkness let out a strangle squawk. "K-Kazuma!"

"Oh relax, some guys dig the amazonian look," Chris told her. "We'll just check Kazuma's search history to see what he's into."

"...please don't."

"No promises. Now focus on flying!"

Swearing under his breath, Kazuma did his best to keep flying, even as enemy fire pinged off their shields. Unfortunately, the drop ship flew like a brick and handled like a drunken moose, so there wasn't much he could do as far as fancy flying. Fortunately, thanks to the upgrades, it appeared they were as durable as a brick too, with Darkness expertly redirecting shields to absorb incoming fire with a minimum of expended energy.

"Target lock! Launching barrage!" Chris cackled, and four missiles streaked out, followed by a second salvo of four more. Half of them missed or were misdirected by the enemy's countermeasure systems, but four more of the enemy fighters were swatted out of the sky.

"That'll teach them!" Kazuma hooted. "Nice shooting, Chris!"

"We're not done yet, there's three more," Darkness warned, even as the ship shuddered slightly, the shook hard. "The shields are depleting too rapidly! We're taking damage again!"

Kazuma banked hard and climbed, with Sena groaning and puffing as he did so. "Get them off us, Chris!"

In response, Chris let loose with the autocannons and two more missile salvos, knocking the rest of the Devil King's fighters out of the sky.

"Well, that's a relief," Kazuma sighed. He frowned, looking around. "Well, is the merge gonna end? Because I never thought I'd be this flaccid with a mostly naked woman grinding on me, yet here we are."

"W-what?! Do you not find me attractive?!" Sena demanded. "I have an excellent figure, and I'm not some overly muscled hulk like Lady Dustiness!"

"Yeah, but you tried to mace me, and frankly that makes you ugly. Also, you were a bitch to Darkness, and I actually like her. So you may as well be a dude as far as I'm concerned."

"Ooooo~" Sena groaned, wiggling up against Kazuma. "Yes, if I were a man, surely you would take me. Yes, yes, I'd be your uke, and you my seme, and our love would blossom like-"

"DARKNESS! CHRIS! I WANT OUT OF THIS! I WANT OUT OF THIS RIGHT NOW!" Kazuma cried. The ship twisted suddenly, and the next thing Kazuma knew, Sena was gone. What replaced her, however, was extremely awkward.

"Um, hi," Chris managed, shifting a little. She was now sitting on Kazuma's lap, with the yoke on her chest.

"Oh, to abuse me so!" Darkness panted. Kazuma was finally in a position he much preferred with her, but, well, Chris was straddling him while on Darkness' lap, while he was in a very compromising position with both of them. "Yes, yes, both of you should sit on me, and force me to- No! No, I cannot!"

"Um, Darkness, you bouncing so much is…doing things," Chris muttered. She looked around, frowning. "Uh, Kazuma, how are you going to steer with, er, me in the way…"

Kazuma glanced at the instrument panel, which Chris was now inset into. "I guess…we'll fly it by panel, or something? Oh hell…do you still have control of the weapons?"

"Um, yeah." Chris reached around behind Kazuma, drawing him closer as if she were embracing him. "They're, ah, behind you…"

"I seem to have control of all the ships systems, but, um…well the weapons. That is probably for the best," Darkness admitted.

"I take it your aim is crap?" Kazuma sighed.

Darkness only shifted nervously, which did some interesting things.

"Yeah, I'll handle the firing. Just watch our backs, Darkness," Chris said.

"Yours is quite lovely," Darkness offered.

Chris let out a squeal and stiffened. "I didn't mean for you to- Look, I mean watch the radar!"

"Uh, I have that, it's on your left tit," Kazuma said. He glanced up at Chris, who was blushing furiously.

"My first time is NOT going to be a threesome," Chris muttered.

"I thought you said you weren't a virgin," Kazuma said suspiciously.

"I LIED OK!? I KEPT TRYING TO GET AQUA TO DATE ME BUT SHE NEVER GETS IT AND SEEMS TO THINK SEX IS SOME KIND OF SANDWICH!"

"Oh. Oh!" Kazuma said, blushing and trying to focus on his instruments, which were, of course, on Chris.

"I, ah, have never been with a man…nor a woman," Darkness offered.

"YES THANKS OK LET'S FOCUS ON OUR JOBS," Chris and Kazuma said together.

"Chris, um, I-I it's traditional for High Nobility to take-"

"I meant being the plane, Darkness! Not your OTHER job!"

"R-right. Um, so both of you know…my body is in excellent condition."

Chris groaned, resting her head on Kazuma's shoulder.

"I-I meant the plane! I-I have taken cosmetic damage only!"

"I think you still look great," Kazuma said, unable to resist.

Chris moaned. "I will slap you."

"Just think of it as revenge for hitting me in the boys earlier."

"YES OK THANK YOU."

"You're cute when you're flustered."

"...screw you. Screw you both."

"Later. After we save Darkness'- OW!"

"I told you I would slap you, Kazutrash."

"I-I would not mind you slapping me…"

"You get off on it. He doesn't. So no slaps for you, since I'm mad."

Kazuma focused on flying the plane. To his surprise, they didn't didn't unfuse all throughout the long and increasingly awkward trip. Kazuma tried making small talk, but his remarks always ended up perverted enough that Chris felt justified in punishing him, though she quickly figured out not to bite him. Kazuma didn't like it, but apparently Chris did by her blushes. Darkness was deeply disappointed to be left out.

They finally approached Ford City. It was located on the coast, though a massive tidebreak and a further seawall protected the city from the kaju that would invade from the deep, and provide the city with enough food for months when they were harvested. Currently though, there were several burning holes in both, along with more craters and breaks in the shieldwall that protected the land side of the city. The land here was still arid and rocky, though there were orchards fed by canals, and large fields of crops spreading out of the city along the floodplain, fed by massive desalination plants.

At the moment, many of the orchards were burning, and the crops were pockmarked by artillery craters. Burning mecha and vehicles littered the plain, both from the Devil King and the city's defenders.

"My people," Darkness whispered. She'd figured out how to bring up viewscreens for all of them, and they were all silent, their bickering and teasing (and flirting) forgotten. "I…I have been gone too long…they're suffering."

"We'll save them, sister," Chris said softly. "I promise."

Kazuma nodded. He hesitated, then didn't say "and then we'll bang."

Instead, he said, "What are your orders, Lady Dustiness? Tell us what to do."

He could feel Darkness take a deep breath, and could practically see her pleased smile. "In public, I shall be in command. For now, I must be Lady Dustiness, and not the Darkness you now. Now. Let us prepare to relieve my father."

Author's Note:

Normally, I try and avoid harem stories, but these three idiots keep being so horny I don't know what I'm going to do with them.

Anyway, if you like this or my other stories, consider joining my discord to vote on what I update for the month, or to support me and bad shipping decisions.