Chapter 7: It should be annoying
"You know, you don't have to talk to her right now if you don't want to."
"What?! You're the one that told me I had to do it!"
"Yeah, but like—It doesn't have to be right now if you're not ready."
What is he saying?! After everything he told her, did he really expect her to back out like a coward?!
"I already told you that I'm ready!" She huffed in offense.
"Well, you'd be more convincing if you actually decided to enter the house… I mean it's already been almost one hour since your mother woke up..." He laughed lightly.
She glared at him.
Stupid Avatar with his stupid smile and his stupid eyes and his stupid voice and his—
"Azula?" He was giving her a worried look. "I know you said you wanted to talk to her alone but… do you want me to go with you instead?"
His gaze was piercing while his eyes sparkled with the orange shine of the morning sun. It was hard to believe how easy it was for him to disarm her completely…
And the worst part was that she didn't seem to mind that much.
She honestly did want him to go with her… but she had to do this on her own…
She was a princess of the Fire Nation and there was no obstacle too tall that she couldn't overcome.
"No, I'll be fine so… don't worry…" Her voice came out quieter than she hoped but it did the trick.
Aang smiled at her his unfairly radiant smile and gave her hand a squeeze that sent waves of electricity all the way to her heart.
It was annoying how obvious it was now…
But then again, she didn't seem to mind that much.
"Then I'll be waiting right here when you come out!"
Yeah, she already knew that.
She was counting on it. Because knowing that he was waiting for her somehow gave her the strength to take on the entire world once more.
Except this time, she was sure she'd win no matter what.
It should be annoying how obvious it was, but having someone stand so resolutely by her side made her chest flood to the top with a warmth that was definitely more worth it than any embarrassment that she could possibly feel.
It might be the adrenaline rush from the realization, but she felt impulsive enough to admit that she could listen to anything he said and anything he asks for her, and she'd agree to it almost without thinking.
It was scary to think the amount of power he held over her at this point, but it was the fact that she knew with certainty that he would never take advantage of it, that he would put her happiness and wellbeing before his own, that absolutely shattered her entire being.
It was alien and terrifying, but she wanted to find out more. Figure out the true depth of the boy who managed to shift the course of her life in what felt like both the longest and shortest three days of her life. And in turn, show him everything that she was and everything that she had yet to find out about herself.
It should be annoying that it took him such little time to decimate all the shields and masks she carefully and diligently crafted throughout her life, but maybe those childish stories Ty Lee used to love when they were children actually held a semblance of truth in them, and her meeting with him here and now was somehow predestined to occur.
And again, just thinking about it made her heart flutter and her mind scramble in a way that she was taught could only hinder her path to greatness. And yet, it was hard to believe at this point that anything that gave her this incredible amount of strength and happiness could ever be considered a weakness, especially after taking into account that following her father's teachings only landed her in the worst physical and mental states for years of her life she would never get back.
And now she owed it to herself to face down the other source of her life's many misfortunes and have a talk with her mother.
For as much as part of her mind was screaming at her to run and disappear forever, she knew she had to face her if she wanted to regain that which she had lost. To become the best version of herself and once again feel back in control of her life, and of her destiny.
And so, she nodded at Aang one last time before entering the house.
"Hey Aang… something wrong?"
"H-Huh?" He jolted in surprise at the question. "What do you mean, Suki?"
"Well… You're looking kind of… distressed over there." She said playfully.
"Um… I-I don't know what you're talking about!" He stammered lamely to which Suki simply raised an eyebrow skeptically at him.
"Really?" Her voice unamused. "So, you're telling me that you pacing around while fidgeting in front of the entrance has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Azula just went in."
"Um… Well, you see—"
But her gaze was as piercing and knowing that any word coming out died out quickly in his throat.
He sighed in defeat. "Okay fine, I am worried for her… I just hope everything goes alright with her mother."
"I think that as long as she doesn't attack her, we should consider it a great success." She said jokingly. "But in all honesty, I don't think you need to be worried… I don't really know how you did it but you somehow managed to bring her back from whatever state she was when we first left."
"Nah, I didn't do much to be honest." He smiled. "I only nudged her in the right direction. She's the one that was strong enough to have gotten this far."
And he would've never been able to help her heal if she herself didn't want it.
"Say, Aang…" Her voice took a solemn tone. "How did you manage to forgive her?"
"Forgive her?" He wasn't sure what she meant. "For what exactly?"
"What do you—" Suki's eyes widened in shock. "Didn't she kill you at some point?"
"Oh! Yeah!" He laughed sheepishly. "Well, um… I guess I just… did?"
Did he even hold it against her?
But Suki stood speechless. "You guess?! How does that work? Sokka told me you were so angry when you woke back up that you ran away and landed in some volcano…"
Well, he was mad but…
"I don't think I ever was mad at her for killing me. I was more mad at myself than anything, you know." And the world in general. "I felt like I had failed everyone, and that the war was nothing but lost if I remained 'dead'..."
"But wasn't Azula the one that ultimately caused it?"
"Well… yeah, but she only did what she thought was right… What her father expected out of her… Just like I did everything I did because that's what the world expected of me. Besides, after getting to know her, I managed to realize how similar we really were."
Suki gaped at him. "S-Similar? How?"
Yeah, he would've thought himself crazy if somebody told him that just a few days ago.
"Well, we were put into impossible situations when we were kids… And we lost everything because of it. And if I'm being honest, I don't know what would've happened to me if Katara and Sokka hadn't been the ones that found me… Maybe I would've ended worse than her."
"Yeah, somehow I have a hard time believing that…" Suki said skeptically.
"I know. But it's true…" Because Katara and Sokka being with him in the Southern Air Temple probably prevented him from decimating the entire mountain…
Not to mention what he ultimately did after Zhao killed Tui in the North Pole…
"I had you guys to save me from my pain… But Azula only had her father for it… and he weaponized it instead."
And who knows for how long she had to suffer through it silently.
Suki just stood speechless for a few moments, struggling to process his words.
"You know… After Azula defeated me and sent me to the Boiling Rock, I swore that I would never forgive her. That I would stop at nothing to bring her to justice." She said with pain in her voice. "And yet you never blamed her for the horrible things she did to you…"
She then laughed brightly, catching him off guard, as she fixed him with a kind smile. "You know, I wasn't sure about you guys after your little talk in the middle of the night but—"
"Wait, you were listening?!"
That's why she was so sleepy the next morning!
"Well, you guys weren't being exactly subtle, you know." She laughed once again. "But what I'm trying to say is that, after listening to what you just said, I think that you guys are perfect for each other!"
Perfect for each other…?
He felt his face flush a bright red. "W-W-What do you mean?!" He stuttered badly.
Did she figure him out?!
"Oh, come on! Don't think that no one noticed the way you guys were acting with each other." Suki kept laughing as she put a hand on his shoulder. "I mean, I'm pretty sure Azula was seconds away from pouncing on you right before she went into the house!"
Pouncing?!
"Suki, w-what does that—"
But she didn't listen to him, as she kept laughing.
He wanted to be mad at her for it, but it was infectious enough that he began laughing with her.
He'll figure out what pouncing means later.
Azula wasn't sure what to expect when she went inside, but it definitely wasn't this.
Her mother was reading what looked to be the letter while Zuzu was sitting beside her on the table.
And right on her brother's head, the golden head piece of the Fire Lord was sitting.
It seems he finally came to a decision, then… And she would have to come to one as well.
Well, no time like the present.
"Ahem—!" She startled both other occupants of the room, as they quickly turned around to look at her.
"Azula! What are you—"
"Oh Zuzu, don't you remember?" She rolled her eyes. "She's my mother too."
Her mother sat shocked for a moment but then quickly stood up. "Azula, I-I—"
"Stop. I want to talk to you alone." She said firmly, before glancing at her brother.
Her mother's face betrayed sadness at her tone, but eventually gave her a resolved look. "Okay. Zuko, would you give us a moment, then?"
He looked hesitant but eventually nodded and left. But not before shooting her a concerned glance.
For as much as Aang trusted her, it seemed her brother was still a work in progress.
"Azula, I—"
"Why?" She interrupted her. "Why did you do it?"
"Why did I—"
"Why did you leave without telling me while you told Zuko?"
Because that's when it all started for her.
"I said goodbye to both of you… Zuko just happened to wake up before I could leave his room."
"Don't lie." She scoffed. "You hated me. You were happy to leave me."
Because what else could it have been…
"No, Azula! I loved both of you more than anything else! I wanted nothing more than to bring you both with me, but—"
"I said stop lying!"
Her voice was quavering, but she needed to hold steady. Until she could tell her everything that she had to tell her.
"You clearly loved Zuko more than you ever did me! Don't pretend like you didn't!"
Her mother looked heartbroken, as tears started appearing on her eyes. "Azula, please listen to me… There is no way I could have ever loved you any less than I did Zuko. Please…"
"Then why…" She gritted her teeth. "Why did you spend all your time with him and not me? Why did you never once praise me like you did him?"
Her voice was hurting. She could feel her resolve waver and her eyes water, but she couldn't stop now.
"Why was nothing I ever did good enough for you?"
"Azula, no that's not—"
"But it is true!" She screeched. "I was always better than him at everything and you never once cared for it! The only time you ever cared was when you scolded me or got angry at me…" She said as she failed to contain her sobbing.
"Azula, I'm so sorry… I never meant for you to feel that way…" Her mother moved to embrace her, but she pulled away.
"I-I—Your father was always so terrible to Zuko, and—"
"And where did that leave me?! You knew the type of man he was! He never once loved me and you know that! He loved no one else but himself…"
She should've known, there's no way she didn't and she still—
"Azula, I—he was always praising you, and I thought you didn't need me as much as Zuko did, and—"
"Stop! Please stop…" Her heart was hammering in her chest, as all the pain she's held back all this time burst into the surface.
"You thought I was a monster… That's why you did it."
"No, that's not true, I—"
"It is. You thought I was becoming more like father that you couldn't bare to look at me."
Her mother's breath hitched, and her eyes widened at her words.
"I-I…" She tried to speak but no words were coming out.
"Just admit it."
Eventually, she fell to her knees while holding her hands to her face.
"I'm so sorry…" She said between cries. "You're right… once your talent for firebending surfaced… and your father took control of your training… I couldn't bear to think that he would stop at nothing to turn you into who he was… And—" She looked up to meet her eyes. "And soon after that, you started misbehaving a lot more and your pranks turned crueler, that I—"
"How do you think I felt?" She spoke over her. "How do you think I felt when my own mother started avoiding me out of nowhere, and the only times she would ever turn my way was when I burned the plants from the gardens, or played pranks on Zuko… And even then, the only things I ever got were your reprimands and your scoldings…"
And all the while she had to work tirelessly just to meet father's expectations…
It was hard to finally come to terms with it but… she now knows that she was utterly alone throughout her childhood.
Her mother stayed quiet for a long time, as both of their tears started to subside.
"I know that you could never forgive me for being a terrible mother to you… and I'm sorry that I didn't love you enough… But I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you if that's what it takes. If that's what it takes to come back into your life…" She then stood up and walked over to her.
"If you'll let me."
She wanted to say yes.
She wanted it so terribly it hurt.
But she was still scared. Scared that no matter how much she tried, no matter how much she struggled, she would always remain a monster in her eyes…
'Then I'll be waiting right here for you!'
…That's right. He was waiting for her outside, no matter what. Waiting for her, monster or not…
She didn't have anything to be afraid of… She wasn't alone anymore.
Aang told her that she still had a chance, unlike him. And she owed it to him to try, no matter how difficult it gets.
She met her mother's eyes, taking her face in for the first time since she was eight years old.
"I'm sorry for everything I did, Mom…" Her voice was barely a whisper as she hesitantly moved to hug her.
Her mother squeezed her tightly as she cradled her head on her chest. "And I'm never leaving you again, sweetie."
"I'm guessing everything worked out, then?"
"Yes, it did."
"How do you feel?"
Azula thought for a few moments, letting her head fall on his shoulder while the sun shined on them from above.
"I'm… relieved. The nagging on my head is gone, and I finally feel like myself again… And you?"
"Well, the day is beautiful, the view of forgetful valley is stunning and most importantly"—He intertwined their hands. "I managed to catch myself a princess!"
She stared at him unamused. "And I caught myself an idiot."
He tightened his hold on her hand. "Well, I don't see you complaining." He said playfully. "If anything, I'd say you're enjoying this."
"I might be…" She smirked. "But it could be better."
"Oh yeah? How so?"
"Oh Avatar, must I do everything for you?" She sighed as she turned to look at his eyes. "Take a guess."
"Hm… You're right, the day would be a lot better if we went penguin sledding." He said pensively. "Although we do have a severe lacking of snow… and penguin."
"Seriously?" She pinched his leg causing him to jump. "You're being dumb."
"Hey! You told me to guess!" He said while laughing. "Why don't you just tell me what you were thinking?"
"Because you already know what it is." She said with a huff. "So just hurry it up!"
He smiled as he put a hand on her cheek and then turned her face towards his. Her eyes looked tired and yet, they were glinting with so much confidence that he was almost brought back to a time in a desert and on top of a drill. The time when the enemy took the form of a beautiful girl who despite trying to hurt him, he couldn't bring himself to be too mad at the situation.
He knew what she wanted. And it was because he wanted it too.
"As you wish, princess…" He said as he closed the distance between them, letting their lips meet in the middle.