So… in this chapter, Sheldon and Amy will finally go to Wizarding World. I hope you don't mind, but I've decided to divert from canon for a bit. I know, Sheldon thinks of himself as a Gryffindor and Amy is supposed to be a Hufflepuff. I could get behind the Gryffindor thing, especially in this universe where Sheldon was so brave against Robbie, but I definitely cannot see Amy as a Hufflepuff. So… for the sake of this story. The Sorting Hat made a different decision, and I hope the Harry Potter fans among you won't be mad at me!
Also, obviously I have never been to Wizarding World. I have looked up the different rides and attractions online, but of course I cannot tell if the things I have written here are accurate.
To avoid any confusion:
The trip to Wizarding World takes place on Dec. 29. The story jumps back and forth between that day and the days before.
I feel like I've known you forever and ever
Baby that's how close we are
Right here with you is where my life has come together
And where love has filled my heart
You know I'd go anywhere
As long as I have you to care
Balancing Heaven and Earth
Chapter 14 – "All I Have"
Sheldon's POV
Dec 29
Wow!", Sheldon exclaimed as he looked at the entrance of the place where he had wanted to go for so long. "It's even more impressive than I thought."
Amy slipped her hand into his. "I'm really glad we finally get to be here together. Now what do you want to do first?"
"I don't know…", he breathed out. "Maybe… get a wand from Olivander? Or… buy us some robes? We need to wear robes if we want to ride the Hogwarts Express. Or we won't be authentic."
"We cannot get robes before we visit the Sorting Hat.", she disagreed. "How will we know which robes to buy?"
"Easy.", he snorted. "I told you. I'm a Gryffindor. Always have been."
"Well, and I'm a Hufflepuff.", she shrugged. "Still, I'd like to hear it from the hat."
Sheldon looked at his fiancée lovingly. If she put it like that… he had to agree. Hearing it from the hat would be pretty neat.
"Hey, you know who would love it here?", Amy said as they entered the theme park at Universal Studios in Hollywood. "Joshua."
Sheldon smiled sadly.
"I agree. Let's take him here someday. Maybe during summer break. We could come here for a week and bring him with us."
Not for the first time this week, he found himself missing his little nephew.
Dec 25
On Christmas morning, Sheldon sat on the brown leather couch in his apartment, with Amy by his side, both of them still dressed in their nightclothes.
They had gotten up at the brink of dawn, afraid they could miss the event of the day.
Sheldon's laptop was set up on the coffee table and they were looking at the screen impatiently until finally, they were able to pick up the expected call.
"Merry Christmas you two!", his sister exclaimed happily.
Joshua appeared in front of the screen, trying to shove his mother to the side.
"Uncle Shelly, Aunt Amy! Finally! Can I open my presents now?"
"Well, merry Christmas to you too!", Amy answered, winking at the little boy. "We miss you guys!"
Sheldon side-glanced at Amy. She sounded cheerful and happy. But he knew, there was a lot of truth to her statement.
He knew how much she had wanted to spend Christmas with his family. She had been talking about them all morning. Wondering what they had for dinner. Reminiscing about the past Christmases she had spent with them.
Hoping that Joshua and Ellis would be patient enough not to open their presents before they were ready to watch.
His mother appeared on the screen then, carrying Ellis in her arms.
"Well, good morning and merry Christmas!", she said and smiled at both Sheldon and Amy. "It's nice, getting to see the two of you this lovely morning."
"Merry Christmas, mother. Hello, Ellis.", Sheldon said and waved at his two-year-old niece who had already grabbed one of her presents and was shaking the box.
It was not possible to talk much after that, because of the children's loud squealing, so he just wrapped his arm around Amy, while they both watched them open their presents.
And that's when Sheldon realized, he felt the same way as Amy.
In that moment, he wanted nothing more than to be there too. And not just virtually.
Smell the scent of his mother's Christmas breakfast. Exchange gifts with his sister in person. Receive one of his nephew's hugs when he would open his present.
They would both pretend it came from Santa, for Ellis's sake. But of course, Joshua would know that the trainset that was modeled after the famous Pacific Union Big Boy steam engine could only be from him and Amy.
He wanted to play with it together with his nephew while Amy would be sitting in one of his mother's big chairs, reading a book to Ellis.
And then, they would all be taking a walk together.
It was a shame that none of this was possible today.
And for a second, he felt guilty for pushing Amy to spend Christmas with the Fowlers.
Now that he had met them, especially her mother, he understood why she had found it hard to tell them about the engagement.
She should not have kept this a secret from him but… did he even have a right to be mad about that?
He had been thinking about this exact question a lot lately.
After all, he was keeping something from her too. Something much bigger.
The thing was… up until a few days ago, Sheldon had been absolutely sure that he was behaving admirably. That it wasn't bad, the fact that he had made this agreement with his boss without telling Amy.
Did it really matter that much? From the beginning, he had been willing to go back on this agreement in case Amy did not want to move to Pasadena. In fact, he had kept it from her specifically so she would not offer to move here for his sake.
Yes. That was what he had been thinking.
Until he had experienced the painful sensation in his chest once he had found out that Amy had kept this big thing from him.
He had felt… angry and sad. Disappointed. Hurt. Confused.
How could it be that the woman he was about to marry had been going through something like this without telling him about it? Did she not trust him? Did she not want to share her troubles with him?
And also… what else was she not telling him?
And then it hit him.
Was this how Amy would feel like, if she ever found out his secret?
Especially after he had told her so vehemently that they were a team. That they should figure out important things together. That there should be no more secrets between them.
Despite all the good intentions he had… was it possible that he could be hurting Amy with his actions?
His heart had grown heavier in his chest as he kept pondering it.
He did not want to hurt Amy. It was the last thing he wanted.
He needed to figure this out. Soon.
Last night, after dinner with her parents, he had almost revealed the truth to her. He had wanted to. Badly.
"So, will you guys be back for New Year's Eve?", his sister asked on the screen, pulling him out of his thoughts, while Joshua and Ellis were busy, playing with their presents.
"That's the plan.", he nodded.
He was already looking forward to it.
Dinner with his family. Maybe playing a few board games. Shooting fireworks for Joshua and Ellis. After that, Amy would probably want to go over to Jared and Greg's for the countdown.
And – for the first time in his life – he would be a willing participant in the little tradition to kiss someone at midnight.
"Well, anyway, I should go now.", Missy said apologetically. "Mom and I are taking the kids to visit one of her church friends."
Sheldon couldn't help but feel she sounded sad.
"See you soon, Missy.", Amy said softly. "I'll call you later."
They ended the call then and he pulled Amy close.
"I think they liked our presents.", he stated and caressed her shoulder with his right hand.
"They definitely did.", she answered wistfully and rested her head against his shoulder.
Even more guilt filled his heart.
"I know you miss them. But we will see them again soon.", he offered.
"I do miss them.", she agreed. "Don't get me wrong. I think it's good that we came here. It's good that you met my parents. And it was important to have this conversation with my mother. But…"
"But it did not feel like a real Christmas. I agree."
It was strange, because he had not wanted to spend Christmas in Medford in a very long time. But he remembered the year before like it was yesterday.
Celebrating with his family while also trying to figure out Missy's situation with Amy's help. And then of course… the mistletoe.
It seemed like a lifetime ago, when he had needed an excuse to be able to kiss Amy.
He gently cupped her face with his hand and pulled her close before he brushed his lips against hers.
"Let's not do that again.", he whispered. "Let's spend Christmas with my family from now on. Yours can pick another holiday."
She ran her thumb across his cheek and kissed him back.
"Mhmm…", she agreed. "But not Easter. It's so adorable, watching Missy's kids hunt for eggs."
"Alright.", he shrugged. "Let's create a schedule. But… not now."
With that, he pulled her close and kissed her deeply, while thanking the deity he did not believe in for the woman in his arms and how she had changed the way he felt about Christmas.
And a small part of him couldn't help but hope that maybe next Christmas, Amy would already be carrying their child under her heart.
Dec 29
"Ravenclaw!", Sheldon exclaimed as they walked away from the sorting hat. "I cannot believe I was sorted into Ravenclaw. This is outrageous."
Amy giggled and squeezed his hand.
"Don't you think it's fitting? You are very knowledgeable. Plus, I'm Ravenclaw too and you don't see me complain. In fact, I love that we can wear matching robes."
He sighed.
"Well, I guess you're right. Still…"
He couldn't help it. He had always seen himself as a Gryffindor. Courageous. Chivalrous. Brave like a lion. Destined to be a hero.
"Just imagine.", she started painting a picture for him in his mind. "If we were students at Hogwarts… we could be sitting in the Ravenclaw common room together, playing magic chess while talking about the history of magic. We would of course both be prefects."
Sheldon had to admit, being in the same house as Amy would have its advantages.
And maybe a house that stood for intelligence, wisdom and wit wasn't all that bad.
"Of course we would. And we would turn in all the naughty students that are making out in the forbidden forest."
"Or… we could be making out there, under the disguise of trying to catch other students in the act.", she said and winked at him.
He stared at her scandalized, then shook his head amused.
"You know, I don't like to admit this, but I could see you seducing me into something like that. You would get me into so much trouble."
"Maybe.", she shrugged, raising her eyebrows at him. "But it would be worth it."
He bit his lip.
"Well, I cannot really argue with that logic."
"I think we would be quite the power couple.", she said smirking at him. "We would ace all our classes and still have time to help Harry defeat Voldemort."
"Amy, we are a power couple.", he rebutted and pulled her into his arms. "We don't need to be in Hogwarts for that."
"You're right.", she mumbled into his chest.
He kissed her soft hair and held her close for a second.
He loved this. Getting to do the things he liked with the woman he loved.
Dec 26
"Are you sure you want me to come see the movie with you? It has been ages since you've last spent time with just the guys. And I don't have a problem with staying here alone tonight."
Sheldon looked at Amy in surprise.
Of course he wanted her to join them. Or he would not have asked in the first place. After all, it had been the plan to go see this movie with her. Before they had decided to spend a few days in Pasadena.
"I spend time alone with the guys every day at lunch.", he shrugged.
"Yes, virtually. Besides, Bernadette and Penny are not coming either and I don't want to seem like the clingy girl who can't give her man even one night to himself."
This concept was completely foreign to Sheldon.
"Amy, no one will think you are clingy. Bernadette and Penny have been hanging out with our group all the time almost from the day they met us. The only reason they are not coming is because they are watching the kids. Plus, how would your presence disturb anyone at the movie theatre?"
"I guess you're right.", she finally relented. "Although I can think of a way to be… very distracting there in that dark movie theatre."
He tilted his head and looked at her curiously.
"You don't usually eat loud food and I've never heard you slurp on your drink, so I don't know what you…", it was only when he saw her grin that he realized what she was saying. "Oh…"
Amy giggled softly and stood on her tiptoes to steal a little kiss.
"We're watching Star Wars, Amy.", he told her sternly then. "Save your distractions for the next old French movie you make me watch with you."
She giggled again and he remembered how much he had always loved this sound, since the time he had met her.
They made their way to the movie theatre then, where they were greeted by Leonard, Howard and Raj.
Only now did it occur to him, that he hadn't really seen Raj these past days at the apartment.
Which was strange. Raj did not have family around to visit. And as far as he knew, there had not been a planetarium show either. Also, he had taken the week off, just like the other guys.
Not that he was complaining. Having the apartment all to themselves had been quite pleasant, both for Amy and for him.
Leonard walked up to them and hugged first him and then Amy.
"It's so nice that you are here too.", he said to Amy as he released her again. "Although, Penny was a little disappointed in you for not accepting her invitation to come over tonight. But I told her, this is Star Wars, and you probably did not want to miss it."
"Yeah, and I said, that's unfair.", Howard added. "Sheldon's future wife makes him all these delicious lunches and goes to watch Star Wars with him? I mean, that's the dream."
"Yes, that's what you said.", Raj nodded. "And the fact that you said it in front of your wife is the reason you almost missed the movie."
"You're right.", Howard admitted. "And she's right too. Having a wife who stays home with the kids occasionally so I can go to the movies is all the dream I need."
Sheldon looked at Amy amused.
She seemed a little uncomfortable, being the topic of this conversation. But the guys were right about one thing.
Amy was the dream. His dream. Not because lunches or Star Wars. But simply because she was Amy.
"You did not tell me that Penny invited you over.", he told her when they went to get snacks. "Don't you think you would have more fun with her than here with us, watching a movie you're not interested in?"
"I'm meeting her tomorrow when we're spending the afternoon at their house.", she just shrugged. "And then the day after tomorrow for girls' night. If I see her today as well, then we'll just be running out of topics to talk about."
"Penny? Running out of topics to talk about? That would be a first.", he chuckled dryly.
She did not respond, as they were next in line to pick out their food.
And then he could not think about their conversation again, as he was sitting in the darkened movie theatre, his heart filled with anticipation.
He listened to the familiar 'Star Wars'-theme as yellow letters appeared on the screen. Only for a second, he looked left and right and smiled.
Yes, no matter how much he loved living in Medford, this night alone would have been worth the flight. Watching Star Wars with his best friends in the world.
It was just like the old times. Only better.
Because on his right side, there was this wonderful woman who had not been part of his life then. He couldn't stop himself from grasping her hand and resting it on his leg.
She gave him one of her special smiles before she leaned her head against his side.
It couldn't get any better than this.
Dec 29
"Hm, you're right. I think the Ravenclaw colors really do suit us.", he said as he admired himself in one of the mirrors.
"They do.", she agreed. "The dark blue of the scarf compliments your eyes perfectly."
He beamed at her.
"I like it when you're sweet on me."
She put one hand on the nape of his neck and slipped the other under his robe and around his back as she pressed herself against him.
"I love that we are here today, Sheldon. It's so great that you had this idea."
"Mhmm…", he said and kissed her sweetly. "And I love you. You know, this day reminds me of our second date, when we went to the State Fair together."
Her eyes lit up, sparkling at him and his heart did a little flip.
"And I was about to tell you, it reminds me of our first date at 'Harry Potter in Concert'."
He kissed her again, his lips lingering on hers just a moment longer than necessary.
"Let's just say, it's the perfect combination of our first two dates.", he suggested.
"Agreed."
He squeezed her to his chest for a few moments before he took her hand again as they resumed strolling through the theme park.
Hardly ever had Sheldon felt as happy as he did on this day.
Sharing this experience with Amy… knowing that the love of his life shared this whimsical interest with him… It made him appreciate her even more.
And no matter how much he had enjoyed their first two dates, this one was better. Because as much as he had loved spending time with her then, they were so much closer now.
He did not just have this great day with her. He would get to take her home afterwards. Make love to her in their Harry Potter robes. Fall asleep with her in his arms.
There was no way he would ever feel happier than right now.
And all he wanted was to feel like this for the rest of his life.
Dec 27
"Sheldon, Amy!", Penny shouted and ran towards them. "I can't believe you're finally here again. Come in. I missed both of you so much!"
Sheldon allowed Penny to hug him for two seconds, before he pulled back, and she turned to Amy.
"Happy belated birthday, Amy. ", she exclaimed and hugged her tightly as well. "The children have made cards for you. Come inside, I'll show you."
Sheldon could only watch, as Penny pulled his fiancé away from him and accompanied her into the house, chatting with her in her usual bubbly manner.
"Hey, I was thinking, maybe tomorrow, instead of our usual girls' night, Bernadette and I could take you out for a belated birthday dinner. Anywhere you want to go."
"Uhm… sounds great.", Amy nodded, but Sheldon couldn't help but feel it sounded a bit hesitant.
"Good.", Penny said as they walked inside. "As I said, we really missed you. The kids too. Becky has been asking for you a lot, Amy."
As if on cue, the little girl came to meet them by the front door, holding a doll in her hand. Her eyes lit up when she saw Amy.
It had only been weeks since they had seen the little girl, but Sheldon couldn't help but feel she had grown very much since then.
"Sheldon! Amy!"
Leonard came around the corner, carrying his son on his shoulders.
"We were just about to make gingerbread milkshakes. Do you want some?"
Gingerbread milkshakes? He did not have to be asked twice.
It was such a lovely day. The children loved the presents he and Amy had brought for them.
Lucas spent the afternoon trying out his new xylophone and Becky accompanied him with her new drum.
"Wow, you must really hate us.", Penny exclaimed jokingly as she watched her children make what they called music.
"What makes you say that?", Sheldon wondered. "It is widely recognized that music plays a pivotal role in fostering the cognitive development of children's brains. We are merely looking out for our god-children."
"Aww, thanks.", Penny said and smiled brightly at both of them. "That's so sweet."
"Of course it is.", Sheldon nodded. "Besides, someone has to look out for them. Their mother has no college degree, and their father went to Princeton."
He had no idea why his friends frowned at him like that.
"Well, in that case, we'll be sure to return the favor someday.", Leonard promised ominously.
"Thank you.", Sheldon nodded.
He did not think his and Amy's future children would need any help in developing their brains, but he guessed it was a nice gesture.
The day flew by quickly then.
Sheldon enjoyed every minute of it.
He and Leonard helped Lucas try out his new science kit while Amy and Penny took Becky outside to play in the yard.
They seemed to be having fun and he found himself gazing out the window frequently, watching Amy with the little girl.
Amy was so good at this. Becky didn't seem to get enough of her godmother. Whenever Amy tried to sit down to talk to Penny, Becky would stumble over to her and grab her hand to lead her somewhere else.
And Amy had so much patience with the little girl.
Sheldon's heart soared at the view.
A little later, he helped Leonard prepare dinner for everyone and afterwards, Penny put on a Disney movie for Lucas.
"Come on, Becky, it's bath time.", Leonard told his daughter then and reached out for her on Amy's lap.
"No!", Becky shouted and held on to Amy, shaking her head.
"That's her favorite word right now.", Penny explained. "Come on Becks. You've played outside all day. You need a bath."
Becky shook her head again and cuddled deeper into Amy's chest.
Sheldon bit his lip. He knew he should not encourage this behavior, but it just looked too cute, how the little girl had latched on to Amy.
"Becky, you heard your parents.", Amy said softly and brushed her hand through the little girl's hair.
The girl shook her head yet again before pointing at Amy.
"Oh, I see.", Leonard chuckled. "You want your new best friend to give you a bath. But see, she'll still be here when we are done. You can say good night later."
"I can come with you and help bathe her.", Amy offered when Becky still refused to let go of her. "I do that for Missy's daughter all the time. I don't mind."
With that it was settled.
Sheldon watched as Amy carried the little girl and followed Leonard to the bathroom.
Just like a few weeks ago, Sheldon felt a stirring in his soul, as he pictured how it would be, having a little child of their own.
"So, how are you two doing.", Penny pulled him from his thoughts. "You haven't been here in Pasadena in a very long time."
"We are doing great.", he said casually. "The choir has been very busy. And then the wedding planning, and…"
"… and you didn't really feel like leaving your cozy home in Texas.", Penny finished his sentence.
"What?", he exclaimed and stared at her. He had not said that. Not with one word.
"Oh, Sheldon, it's obvious.", Penny chuckled. "You are enjoying the life you are living in Medford. Come on, you can tell me."
He shrugged.
"Maybe.", he admitted.
"You looked really happy there.", she continued. "Happier than I have ever seen you around here."
"I am indeed very happy there.", he confirmed. "It's… a good life."
"So, you're thinking about staying.", she said. It was not a question.
"I don't know.", he shrugged. "But… it's a possibility."
He braced himself for more questions. Similar to the ones he had gotten from Howard and Leonard a few weeks back. But Penny's reaction surprised him.
"I get it.", she said, although Sheldon couldn't help but think she looked sad. "I would miss you, obviously. But I do get it. Your life there is nothing like I had pictured it to be. Especially after the things you said just a few months ago, when you came up with your plan."
"What do you mean, Penny? I cannot remember talking all that much about Medford. And we both know I would remember."
She rolled her eyes at him.
"That's exactly it. You hardly talked about Medford. Only about wanting to come back to Pasadena. You were so adamant on getting Amy to move with you. I don't know. Part of me assumed you did not like living in Medford and were only staying because you did not want to lose Amy."
He grinned at this ridiculous thought process.
"You were worried about me because you assumed Amy was forcing me to stay somewhere I did not want to be? Penny, that's crazy. Amy would never do that to me. Besides, you know me. I don't do things I do not enjoy."
"Well, a lot has changed about you, Sheldon.", she said and shook her head amused. "But I agree. I think… I did not have a clear picture of your relationship before. But after seeing you two together in Medford. It's true, Amy would do anything for you."
"And I for her.", he added softly.
They were silent for a while, and then Sheldon asked a question he had been asking himself for quite some time.
"Penny, do you think I made a mistake?"
She raised her eyebrows at him. "You mean when you chose not to tell your future wife about your agreement with your boss? Because as I remember, the first thing I said to you was to tell Amy about it."
He huffed. Even if she was right about that, he did not like her pointing that out.
"I think it was a mistake, making this promise to Siebert in the first place.", Sheldon admitted, for the first time aloud. "I thought I was doing the right thing, giving myself that deadline. The only reason I did not tell her about it was so she would not feel pressured to move here."
Penny looked at him sternly.
"I believe you, Sheldon. But… your boss is expecting you here in a few months. How do you think he will react if you tell him you lied? What if he threatens to fire you over it? Don't you think, this will only put more pressure on Amy? And on yourself?"
He sighed deeply.
"You're right.", he mumbled. "I just did not expect…"
"You did not expect to be wrong about your assumption that moving back to Pasadena into your old apartment was the best plan for your future."
He lowered his gaze to the floor.
"Yes. And… I don't know if I was wrong about that. But I want to have a conversation with Amy, to lay down all the possibilities on where we could live. It's just hard when…"
"When she does not have all the information on the situation you are currently in."
Sheldon nodded again.
"You have to talk to your boss.", Penny told him gently. "Like… yesterday."
"I wanted to make an appointment with Siebert while I'm here.", Sheldon agreed. "But he's on vacation with his family. I will talk to him as soon as possible though."
"What are you going to tell him?", Penny implored.
Sheldon sucked in his bottom lip. He hadn't made a final decision on that yet.
"I am not sure.", he said. "Maybe I'll ask him for more time. Or maybe I'll tell him I want to keep working remotely and he can give my office to anyone he wants. I will have to tell him that, while it is possible that I will return one day, the decision on where Amy and I will live has not been made yet, and he won't like it, so my office will probably be gone either way."
It was strange, but this didn't even bother him that much anymore. His mind was occupied with a much more important thought.
"Are you going to tell Amy about it then?"
Yep. That thought.
"I want to. I don't like keeping secrets from her. But…"
"You are afraid of how she will react."
Sheldon winced.
"That too.", he admitted. "She will not like the fact that I had this whole plan to get her to move here without telling her about it. I do not want to hurt her. But I feel like she should know. Everything."
Penny nodded in agreement.
"I would be so mad if it were me."
"But Penny, were my actions really so bad?", he asked then. "All I did was try to make her happy. Not to force her into anything or to manipulate her. I just tried to treat her like I treat her in Medford. It's what she deserves. No matter where we live."
"You know, I've thought about it lately.", Penny admitted softly. "I do believe that your intentions were good. But I think we all made a mistake, trying to influence Amy. There were many things we did not take into account."
He nodded. And then, he thought of a conversation he and Amy had a few months back.
"You asked her to be your kids' godmother.", he stated. "Did you genuinely want to? Or… was it just a means to help me get her to move here?"
Penny's face fell and Sheldon knew the answer before he heard it.
"We wanted her to feel included.", Penny said, but her voice started to sound small. "It made sense because she's about to be your wife. We thought… if she knew she meant enough to us so that we would trust her to be Lucas and Becky's godmother… then she would…"
"So, you did do it to help me.", he said tonelessly. "Not because you met her and instantly knew she was perfect for the role. Which she is by the way. Dear Lord, I was such a fool."
"What difference does it make?", Penny exclaimed. "I love Amy. The kids love Amy. You saw how Becky's clinging to her. All worked out well in the end."
"The difference, Penny.", Sheldon took a deep breath. "The difference is that you did it for me. Everything… your whole friendship with her… is about me. It's like… her worst fears came to life. We all… were trying to run her life and make decisions for her."
"That's not true, Sheldon.", Penny argued. "Would I have become her friend if she weren't with you? Probably not. We do not have much in common. But I do like her very much."
"Do you? Or do you just like the thought of being friends with my wife?", Sheldon implored.
"I… uhm… sure, that is how it started.", Penny stuttered. "But that's not the only reason. I like talking to her. She's so nice. And funny. Bernie and I both feel like something's missing when we're having girl's night without her."
He wanted to believe Penny. He did.
And he knew, regardless, this whole mess was of his own doing. He could not blame Penny for it.
He had to fix this.
"Well, it's settled now.", he mumbled. "I have to tell Amy. About everything. My agreement with Siebert. My plan. And everyone's role in it. She needs to know."
"Do you think… she'll be upset? I mean, of course she'll be upset. But… how much?"
Sheldon looked back at Penny.
She did look a little paler than before.
"I don't know.", he admitted.
"I still want to be her friend.", Penny emphasized. "Do you think… it is still possible?"
"I don't know.", he said again.
"And don't get me wrong. I do want to be her friend because she's your future wife and I want us all to get along. But… I do like her, Sheldon. I do."
"You should tell this to Amy.", he said firmly. "I mean… after I told her the truth."
"God, this whole plan was a mistake.", she breathed out.
"Yes.", he nodded. "In more ways than I had thought."
"You know…", she continued. "It still feels strange, knowing you are living so far away with this full life that has nothing to do with Leonard or me. But I want you to know that I am very happy for you. And while I do not like the thought of you maybe not coming back, I will support any decision you two will make. Starting today."
"Thank you. And you are right. It is strange.", he agreed. "Can you believe how different both our lives are from when we met?"
She giggled.
"It's hard to imagine. I was this young, stupid girl, chasing after an impossible dream, barely making ends meet. And you were so…"
"Brilliant? Impressive? Successful? Handsome?", he offered.
"Crazy.", she said instead. "Unreasonable. Stubborn. Socially clueless. Infuriating. Incapable of dealing with your emotions. And you thought you were above all of us. I never would have pictured you falling in love. With anyone."
"Me neither.", he agreed.
"But I do like to think that we helped each other grow.", she added softly. "Even if we might never be this involved in each other's lives again, I want to believe that we played a part in becoming the people we are now. And I hope that we will always be friends."
He nodded.
"We surely did help each other grow. And yes, Penny. We will always be friends."
"So, have you thought about what exactly you will say to Amy?", she asked after a few moments of silence.
Sheldon knew what she was talking about.
"Well…", he sighed. "It won't be easy. But I will tell her everything. From the beginning. I will not try to sugarcoat anything, but I will try to explain my actions. And I hope she can forgive me for keeping this from her."
"I think the fact that she will hear it directly from you will help.", Penny said softly. "So, when are you going to tell her?"
"Soon.", he promised. "Very soon."
Shortly after that, Amy returned from the bathroom and Penny left to help put Becky to bed.
"That girl is so adorable.", Amy cooed, as she sat down on the couch next to Sheldon. "But boy, I'm exhausted now."
She did look exhausted. But also, very happy.
Sheldon's could feel a pit forming in his stomach.
He wanted her to feel happy.
Always.
Dec 29
"Dear Lord.", he stammered as he walked, steadying himself with one hand on Amy's shoulder.
"I'm really proud of you, Sheldon.", she told him as she guided him to the next ride with her arm on his hip.
"I did not think it would be this scary.", he stuttered. "Aren't those rides designed for children?"
"Well… I mean, yes. But anyone would be scared, being attacked by dementors on a forbidden journey."
"You weren't scared.", he stated. "You are so brave."
"Only because I got to hold your hand through all of it.", she said and squeezed his side softly.
He knew, she was only saying this to make him feel better.
And he had to admit, it worked.
He turned around so he was facing her and cupped her head with both his hands.
"I love you so much.", he whispered and kissed her sweetly. "I cannot wait to get you home and show you."
"Mhmm…", she hummed. "I'm looking forward to it. But first, let's go fly on a hippogryph."
It wasn't as scary as the first ride, and afterwards, when they went to get an interactive wand, he instantly felt much better.
He felt like a little child again, as he stood there and tried out magic spells with Amy. Her face was glowing with joy and Sheldon had to admit, this was even more fun than watching the new Star Wars movie with his friends.
Dec 28
"It's a shame the others couldn't join us today."
It was the third Halo duel he was playing against Raj, and even though it was fun, he had never liked to play one on one.
"Yeah.", Raj agreed. "That's what happens when you have children. Suddenly your wife wants to take her friend out for a birthday dinner, and you have to stay home."
Sheldon shrugged.
"It's not so bad though. They did get to go to the movies with us earlier this week."
"I guess so.", Raj said and started a new game.
Sheldon looked at his friend and he wished he were better at reading him right now.
Ever since his friends had been in Texas, Sheldon had sometimes thought about Raj and his situation. Just a while ago, it had been him, sitting alone in this apartment, making sarcastic remarks to himself about his friends and their family obligations.
But just as he was about to ask how he was doing, the door to the apartment flew open and his lovely fiancée entered the living room.
She seemed to be in an excellent mood.
"Hey.", she said as she sat down on the couch beside him and watched their game. "That looks like fun."
"It is.", he nodded. "Do you want to join us?"
"Nah, I'll let you guys have this. I'm going to bed.", she said and kissed his cheek.
"No, no, you stay, Amy.", Raj said quickly. "I don't mean to be a disturbance for you two."
Sheldon turned to Raj surprised. His friend had already gotten up.
"Besides.", his friend added. "I should go to bed now. It's late and I have plans in the morning."
"Oh. Okay.", Sheldon said.
But before he could even say goodnight, Raj had already handed him his controller and retreated to his bedroom.
"That was strange.", he mumbled as he turned off the TV.
"Was it?", Amy asked.
Sheldon looked at her. She sounded weird. And her smile had vanished from her face.
"Was it not?", he implored, suddenly not sure anymore if he had just misread the situation.
"Uhm… not important.", she quickly waved him off. "He's probably just tired."
He wasn't sure if he should believe her and let this go.
But there were already so many issues on his mind.
"So, how was your girl's night?", he asked instead.
"Amazing! We had drinks at the Cheesecake Factory.", she told him excitedly. "And afterwards, they told me to pick any activity. We went basket weaving at the crafts museum. This night was so much more fun than I had expected."
"That's great.", he told her as she cuddled up next to him on the couch.
"It's crazy.", she admitted. "Things were so different tonight than they usually are with Penny and Bernadette."
"Different?", he wondered. "How?"
"It's just…", she sighed. "I don't want to complain about your friends, Sheldon, but usually, it feels like they are this unit and I have to see how I fit in. I mostly just go along with their plans. But tonight, they wanted to do what I want. And they asked all these questions about me and my interests."
"Sounds nice.", he said. Although he did wonder why Amy had never brought up the way she felt before.
"It was nice.", she nodded. "And I don't know… this whole week was great. I finally confronted my mother, and even though we still have a long way to go it felt like a good start. Despite everything, we still managed to have some sort of Christmas morning with your family. You got to go to the movies with your friends. Becky is… so adorable. And then tonight was fun too. I don't think I ever enjoyed being in California as much as I did this week."
He froze. This was wrong. So, so wrong.
"Amy…", he started and grasped her hand. "I think… I need to tell you something."
The expression on her face changed from happy to concerned.
"What is it, Sheldon?"
He tried to figure out in his head what he wanted to tell her. And then he realized, he did not want to do this here. Not while they were in Pasadena, in his apartment with his friend in the spare bedroom. It was not the right place to have a serious conversation like that.
No. He needed to do this in Medford. Where they had privacy. Where she could take off to go on a walk if she had to process what he was about to say. And where they both had friends and family to support them, should they need it.
"I think…", he cleared his throat. "I would like to take you to Wizarding World tomorrow. We always talked about going. And I think… a fun day for just the two of us is just what we need before we fly back home."
Dec 29
In the afternoon, they took the Hogwarts Express to Hogsmeade and as he was sitting across from Amy, drinking butterbeer with her, he felt a sense of contentment and happiness.
It made him think of a plan he had made during the summer, and he couldn't help but sigh deeply.
"What's going on, Sheldon?", she asked and reached for his hand across the table. "Don't you like your butterbeer? Don't worry, I checked, there's no real beer in it."
"No, it's just…", he sighed again. "I wanted to bring you here before. During the summer. I had it all planned out. And I cannot help but wonder…"
"What?", she asked him.
"I…", he hesitated. Was it really necessary to tell her this? Raj had told him this was stupid. But somehow… he wanted to know her opinion. "I wanted to propose here.", he confessed.
Her eyes widened almost comically. Maybe it really was stupid.
"I know, I know.", he said quickly. "It would not have been romantic enough. It's childish… and… immature."
"How?", she breathed out. "I mean… what was your plan?"
"I…", he shook his head. "Well… pretty much how our day went. We would have done all these fun things. I would have brought you here to have butterbeers… and then I would have taken out the ring and slipped it on your finger with a magic spell I invented."
"You… you invented a magic spell?", she asked, blinking rapidly. "Sh… show me. Please."
He looked at her curiously. Did she… like this idea?
He grasped her hand and studied her face. It seemed, she was holding her breath.
"Alright. It's nothing special. But here it goes.", he mumbled and cleared his throat.
Then he pointed the wand on her ring ringer and smiled.
"Eterna Circulus Bondus.", he breathed out and tapped the wand against her ring.
She was still staring at him.
"Because we would be bound together eternally through this ring.", he explained. "Of course, I would have had a little speech prepared. You heard part of it… when I proposed at the restaurant. And… there would have been glitter, to simulate the magic. As I said… it's stupid."
There seemed to be tears glistening in her eyes as she listened to him.
"Sheldon… I don't understand. Why did you change your plan?"
"Well, Raj pointed out to me, that this would not have been romantic enough. And I… I wanted to give you the perfect moment. All the romance you deserve."
"Oh.", she said, looking at him strangely.
This was weird. Had he made a mistake? Would she have preferred this proposal?
"Amy?", he asked concerned, when she still wasn't talking. "Is this… upsetting you?"
"Uhm…", she cleared her throat and shook her head. "No, Sheldon, it is not upsetting me. We are getting married. We will be together for the rest of our lives. From the moment we've met you've given me so much more than just one perfect moment. That's what's important. Not the question of how you proposed to me."
She sounded genuine. But there was a hint of something strange in her eyes.
And he realized, he may have made more than just one mistake over the past couple of months.
Dec 29 – later that night
"What a day!", Amy exclaimed as she fell back on the couch, still dressed in her Ravenclaw robe. "I think I'm just going to fall asleep right here."
Sheldon grinned as he sat down in his spot, next to her and wrapped one arm around her.
"Really? Because I was kind of looking forward to seeing you in my bed, wearing this robe.", he wiggled his eyebrow at her, delighted by her surprised face, before he continued. "Just your robe. And nothing else."
"Sheldon…", she breathed out, wetting her lips with her tongue, which elicited a stirring in his pants. "That sounds very tempting. But aren't you too tired?"
He was tired. And his feet felt sore from walking around all day. However…
"Amy. I just saw a magic train and reported someone for cutting a line. If that's not foreplay, I don't know what is."
A wide smile spread on Amy's face. The one that gave him goosebumps and made his heart jump almost right out of his chest and filled his soul with love and joy.
It was baffling how even now, after so many months, he was still not getting used to the way she made him feel.
"So, do you still want to fall asleep right here on this couch?", he asked her cheekily.
She just shook her head and got up, extending her hand to him, an action that already made jolts of electricity run through his veins as his heart was filled with anticipation.
Still giggling, they removed each other's clothes. Everything but the black robes with the embroidered Ravenclaw crest.
And then, for a while, Sheldon was able to take his mind off his guilty conscious. Away from the thoughts running wild in his head, knowing he would have to find a way to explain things to Amy. Not knowing how she would react to it. Hoping it would not tarnish everything they had.
Hoping they really would always be okay, like he had told her just days ago.
But now, for these blissful hours, he enjoyed sharing this happiness with her.
Whispering naughty magic spells into each other's ears. Pretending to be young Hogwarts students under an invisible spell hidden away in a secret room.
He couldn't get enough of her that night. Over and over, he worshipped her body. He made her scream with his fingers and then again with his mouth and then, when they both couldn't take it anymore, he made love to her, slowly and without any rush.
Trying to make her feel how completely in love he was with all of her. How desperately he needed her. How determined he was to make her happy for the rest of their lives.
Much later, he lay awake, with Amy snoring softly in his arms. Their robes were neatly folded on the suitcases they had packed in the early morning before they had left for their day trip.
Tomorrow, they were going to fly back to Medford.
He would tell Amy everything. He had to. There was no going back.
He did not know what would happen then.
All he could do, was hope.
Dec 30 – Back in Medford
Amy released a big sigh.
"Oh, I almost forgot how good it feels to be here."
Sheldon took a deep breath and looked around his late meemaw's house.
"Agreed.", he answered sincerely.
And he meant it.
He had loved this week with his friends. But… he also loved coming back here.
Sheldon pulled Amy into his arms and kissed her lips sweetly.
"You must be tired after all the travelling. Go take a nap. I'll deal with our suitcases."
She refused at first. Told him he was surely tired too. Which he was. Told him, she would help with everything and then they could nap together. Which sounded wonderful.
But Sheldon needed Amy rested and in a good mood for what he was about to tell her. So, he insisted.
"You are such a gentleman.", she murmured and kissed his lips before she finally went to their bedroom.
And then, Sheldon went to work to distract himself.
He put all their dirty laundry from their suitcases into the washing machine. And then, he cooked dinner.
Once that was finished, he sat down. His heart hammering against his ribcage. A strange sensation in his gut. His mind spinning.
At some point, Amy appeared, delighted by everything he had prepared for them.
They had a pleasant meal together, talking about science and music and his family.
And then, afterwards, he grasped her hand and led her over to the couch where so many important moments had happened between them.
Amy cuddled into his arms.
"I love you so much.", she told him. "Thank you, Sheldon. You are always so thoughtful and… perfect."
"I love you too.", he answered. "I think, I've loved you since the day we met. And I know that there have been times when I've not been… thoughtful. And I'm far from perfect. But… I never wanted to hurt you or upset you. I hope you know that."
She looked up at him, slightly confused.
"Sheldon, this sounded strange. Is something going on?"
That was it. He could not put if off any longer.
"Amy…", he whispered. "I… uhm… I need to tell you something.
Raj's POV:
Raj was sitting on the sofa, eating a bag of chips while watching another one of his favorite movies.
It had been a difficult few days, here in the apartment while Amy and Sheldon were in town.
He had avoided them as much as possible. And he had been really relieved when they had left in the early morning.
He startled a little bit when his phone rang.
And even more when he saw the Caller-ID.
Missy Cooper
What did she want?
"Hey, Raj. This is Missy. Cooper. Sorry for calling you this late, but Amy and I are going to continue with the wedding planning soon. Now, a few weeks back, when we were at the bridal shop, you talked about some checklists you have in your… uhm… wedding folder. Would you mind if I take a look at these?"
Oh no. He really did not want to think about Sheldon and Amy's wedding tonight on top of everything else.
"It's a big folder, Missy. And it's probably in one of the boxes in the basement compartment. I am not sure if I can find it this quickly."
That was a lie of course. He knew exactly where the folder was. Under his bed. He browsed through it quite often, wishing it was him who was getting married soon.
"Raj, are you alright? You sound off."
"Yeah, yeah. Splendid. Must be the connection."
There was a short pause.
"Raj… you are not still caught up on Amy, right? Cause that would be…"
"What?", he interrupted her. "Of course not. In fact… I went on a date last week."
"Really?"
She did not sound as if she believed him.
"Yes. Really. Her name is Anjali. And gosh, she is so beautiful."
"Well, in that case… I'm happy for you, Raj."
Her voice had softened with her last sentence. Which made him smile.
"Hey, you sound much nicer when you're not mad at me, you know that?"
There was a short chuckle on the other line before she continued.
"Well, and you sound a lot nicer, when you're not trying to get into my best friend's pants."
"I never tried to… I told you that…", he stuttered, but stopped when he heard her laugh at the other line. "You're just messing with me.", he realized.
"I'm sorry. I kind of… had to.", she said, still laughing. "So how did your date go?"
He was about to lie to her. But he could not.
"Terrible.", he whined.
"What happened Raj?", she asked after a short pause.
"Well…", he shrugged. "I talked too much about the girl stuff I like and then she faked an emergency and left."
"Ouch.", Missy answered. "I am really sorry that happened."
"Thank you, Missy. I should not have tried. I will never find someone. It's hopeless. Why wouldn't she give me a chance? Just because I like Sandra Bullock?"
There was a long pause.
"You're asking the wrong person here, Raj. My priorities in a man nowadays would be for him not to use my face as a punching bag because the Dallas Cowboys lost a game. I couldn't care less about Sandra Bullock."
"God, I am so sorry.", he said remorsefully. "I shouldn't be talking to you of all people about my failed dating life."
"No, it's okay.", she assured him. "Just because I will never date again doesn't mean I don't want to hear about other people's attempt to do so."
"Do you really think you'll never date again?", he clarified. "I mean, even if it seems hopeless… don't you want to fall in love again?"
"I don't know.", she admitted.
"I don't think you should give up hope. There's always hope."
"Boy, I think your date was right. You really do watch to many chick flicks.", Missy snorted.
"Hey!", he said, trying to sound offended. That woman was funny.
"Sorry, Raj. Again. Just messing with you."
He shook his head. Well, maybe he could ask her something he had wondered about for many years.
"Missy? Did you… mess with me too back then?"
There was a short pause.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean… when you called me a cutie pie and said you were hoping I would come talk to you. You know, back when you were visiting Sheldon and we all were… trying to ask you out. Did you mess with me? Or did you really want me to ask you out?"
"Oh my God, that was a thousand years ago.", she chuckled. "I was a completely different person back then."
"Missy…"
"I was messing with you, Raj.", she admitted. "I was about to reject you, but then you were standing there, unable to talk. Penny had told me about your selective mutism and the experimental drug, so I realized they must have been wearing off. So, I… had a bit of fun with you. I'm sorry."
He couldn't help but feel a little bit disappointed at that.
"I guess I knew that already.", he sighed.
"But… I have to admit… the way you looked at me as if I had just shattered your world, made me feel a little guilty. And then you turned around and walked away while making these sad sounds. That was kinda cute. Nicer than the guy who was bragging about pajamas and the Kamasutra. I thought… maybe it would not have been the worst thing, going on a date with you."
"Huh.", he said, a hint of warmth spreading through his chest.
"I bet, we would have had a great time. You're really funny, Missy."
"Hm.", she answered. Nothing else. But it sounded… strange.
"Missy, I don't think you should be giving up on love.", he told her then. "You were unlucky before, yes. But you are so nice. And funny. And pretty. Surely there are lots of great guys out there for you. You just haven't found the right one yet. But I hope you will."
"Thanks, Raj.", she said softly. "And I hope, your next date will go better."
"Thank you.", he nodded. "Hey, you know what? I'll digitalize my wedding folder tomorrow and send it to you. Those check lists are really helpful. Especially since neither you nor Amy have any idea how to properly plan a wedding."
"That would be great."
"And… if you need help with all the planning… Feel free to call me."