Title: The Wheel of Adoption

Artist: Tranquillo Cremona

Date: Late 1800s

Medium: Original Drawing

They made it another six weeks before Emma stopped by unannounced on a weekend while both Phyllis and Joseph were out at the shops.

Emma entered the cottage in a rush, an explanation for her visit falling from her lips before she'd even taken notice of her parents' whereabouts. "I can't stay for long since Sybbie's been with the kids all night but…" She trailed off at the unexpected sight of her sister in her parent's sitting room. "Lizzie?"

As Elizabeth stared up at her sister in shock all she could manage was a quiet acknowledgement of, "Em."

"You're…" Emma began before shaking her head in confusion as she stared at her younger sister in their father's favorite chair. "What's going on?"

Elizabeth stammered as she tried to process the fact that she would be facing her sister's reaction to her situation alone. "I uh… I'm…"

"Pregnant." Emma finished for her with a small laugh. "How did I not know you were seeing someone? Where is he? How long have you been here?"

Her questions had been ignored as she'd approached her sister with a somewhat judgemental smirk on her face and it wasn't until she was standing right in front of her that she realized that something was terribly wrong.

Luckily it was at that moment that their parents walked through the door with shopping bags from the market in their arms. Phyllis was at Elizabeth's side immediately, her bags dropping in the process with their contents spilling out across the floor, and Joseph wasn't far behind her though his bags were placed carefully on the kitchen table before he'd made his way into the sitting room with the rest of his family.

"Hey." Phyllis soothed her youngest daughter as she placed her hands gently on each of her cheeks to ground her in the present. "It's alright. You're at our house and Emma's here. Emma's safe. You know that."

Emma's stomach twisted in knots as she watched the continued interactions between her sister and mother and it wasn't until Elizabeth let out an unexpected cry of distress that she turned to her father to quietly ask a question she was fairly certain she already knew the answer to. "Daddy, what's going on?"

"Lizzie's been hurt, love." Joseph reached for his oldest daughter's hand to give it a comforting squeeze. "This baby wasn't the result of anything that she'd wanted."

Emma inhaled sharply through her nose as she watched her father cross the room over to the chair that her mother now knelt in front of.

"Lizabet." Joseph did his best to get his daughter's attention before gently guiding her, "Take a deep breath in with me… good, now hold it for one, two, three, four, five… and out. Let's do that again."

As her parents helped her younger sister through what obviously must be a common routine Emma felt a hollow shame gathering in her chest. The combination of their practiced actions and her ignorance made it almost uncomfortably intimate to watch.

Emma waited until her sister had calmed down considerably before joining her parents at her Elizabeth's side. "We've got you." Emma echoed the promises made by their parents only moments before. "You and your baby are going to be so very loved by all of us."

Elizabeth stiffened slightly at that, scooting away from her sister towards their mother as she nervously confessed, "I'm… I'm not keeping it."

"What?" Emma stared back at her sister in surprise. "You're what ?"

"I can't." Elizabeth tried to explain calmly, though she could feel her heart racing faster with each word. "I can't have a baby, Em. I don't want a baby. Not at all, and definitely not like this."

"Then Sybbie and I will take it for you." Emma replied simply. "That way you can still see them and they'll still be with family."

"Emma… I don't want the baby here at all." Elizabeth whispered back hoarsely. "I don't want it at all."

"It's a baby!" Emma argued immediately, her voice raising slightly along with her distress. "It didn't do anything wrong!"

"Neither did your sister." Phyllis interjected gently. "It's her choice and your father and I are supporting her in it."

"But you don't understand!" Emma protested in disbelief. "You don't know what it's like to be that baby that wasn't wanted!"

"We knew this would be difficult for you." Joseph admitted with a frown. "But my love, you have to understand that this is just as difficult for Elizabeth."

"I don't understand!" Emma snapped, her agitation visibly rising to the point that her sister was now trembling in fear. "I don't understand how my sister could do this to her own baby."

"Emma–" Phyllis warned her eldest daughter cautiously only to be immediately cut off when she turned to her mother with an angry sneer, pointing angrily as she continued. "I don't understand why you're supporting her when you went through hell to get me back."

Phyllis tried to stop her but Emma pulled her arm harshly from her grip as she turned to point at her sister. "But most of all, I don't understand how you could be so bloody selfish that you won't even consider letting me do this for you!"

"Emma. Enough ." Joseph stopped her firmly, his hand snaking around his oldest daughter's wrist to stop her from moving forward. "This conversation is over."

"How can this be over when you're letting her leave her baby for dead?"

"You're done!" Phyllis shouted fiercely as she stepped between her daughters. "Emma, you need to leave now. You are not welcome in this house until you're ready to support your sister in this."

Emma scoffed in surprise. "You can't kick me out. I'm your daughter."

"I very much can and I very much isn't what a family does." Phyllis replied coolly as she moved to open the front door. "Come along Emma, I'm going to walk you home."

About ten minutes later Sybbie was surprised by the abrupt entrance of her arguing wife and mother-in-law in their kitchen.

"I still cannot believe you're on her side!" Emma shouted angrily as she slammed her bag to the floor.

Phyllis shook her head in frustration as she gently closed the door behind them. "This isn't about Emma.

"What's going on here?" Sybbie asked, turning from the basket of laundry she'd been folding before her attention had been drawn to the back door.

"I'm afraid Emma's had a bit–" Phyllis began before her daughter cut her off.

"Elizabeth's pregnant." Emma snapped angrily causing her wife's eyebrows to raise in surprise.

"She was–" Phyllis tried to fill in some of the missing information before her daughter cut her off once more.

"She's getting rid of the baby." Emma sneered.

Sybbie's eyes widened in immediate concern.

"She's giving it up!" Emma continued her rant as she crossed the kitchen to retrieve a bottle of liquor from the cabinet above the icebox. "Can you fucking believe it?"

Sybbie took a deep breath as she observed the other two women. It was obvious she was missing a significant amount of context, and if her wife was going for the whiskey her Dad brought them back from his last trip to Ireland it had to be significant. "Alright, Em, I can tell you're upset, but the kids are just outside and I still don't know what's going on here."

Emma turned to her mother once more, pouring herself an overflowing shot glass as she asked for what may as well have been the hundredth time. "How can you be okay with this?"

"I'm not okay with any of this." Phyllis snapped back impatiently as her daughter downed her drink. "Your sister was raped, Emma. Nothing about any of this is okay. But I'm also not going to let my feelings about my past dictate your sister's life."

"I went through hell because I wasn't wanted!" Emma paused only briefly to swallow another shot without a flinch. "How can she just want to get rid of a baby like that?"

"You were wanted." Phyllis reminded her firmly, softening slightly at the reminder of just how difficult this news was for her daughter. "And I don't know that it's fair to say she wants to get rid of the baby, but what your sister doesn't want is a living reminder of this trauma in her life. I'm sorry, I know this is hard for you to hear, but part of the reality of pregnancy when you've been raped is the pain of knowing who that baby's father is and the trauma the baby is a reminder of."

"My father was a monster and you say you wanted me." Emma pointed out bitterly. "What's the difference?"

"For me, it didn't matter." Phyllis explained patiently. "I had my doubts at my own ability to be enough for you, but I knew from the moment I found out about you that you were meant to be mine. Losing you for the years that I did nearly killed me - you know that - but I would be lying if I said I don't understand why your sister doesn't feel the same."

"It's not bloody fair though is it?" Emma argued angrily. "She gets a baby she doesn't even want and Sybbie and I'll never even have the chance?"

"Emma." Sybbie stopped her wife quietly, her mortification apparent on her face. "You and I have just as much a chance of having a baby like this as she does. We've just been lucky enough not to experience it."

Before Emma could fully process what Sybbie had said, four year old Michael and Eleanor came racing inside from the garden with bright smiles on their faces. "Mama?" Eleanor pulled excitedly on the hem of her mother's dress after crashing into her legs. "Can we have biscuits?"

"Not now." Emma snapped back angrily before taking a deep breath and burying her face in her hands.

Sybbie quickly moved around her wife to grab the small but almost empty tin of biscuits behind her and open it before handing it to her daughter. "Go ahead but share them equally, okay? Take them in to the tea table."

Michael and Eleanor grinned as they jointly carried the open tin into the sitting room as they'd been directed, the chattering between them fading as they left the adults alone once more.

"Emma, I know this is hard for you. We hadn't told you yet because we weren't sure how to." Phyllis explained quietly, aware of the small ears now in the next room. "I'm asking you to trust your sister to make the decisions she needs to make right now. No matter how much her choices may hurt you."

Emma shook her head furiously as she hissed through her clenched jaw, "I'm never speaking to her again."

Sybbie turned to her wife in shock once more, this time reaching out to place a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Em."

"No." Emma shrugged her off immediately. "You don't understand. You can't understand."

"Emma–" Phyllis tried again only to be immediately cut off by her daughter's shouting.

"Just leave!" Emma was red-faced as she turned away from her mother. "God, I can't even look at you right now."

Both Sybbie and Phyllis's shoulders slumped in defeat as Emma made a beeline towards the stairs and they stood in awkward silence for a few moments before Sybbie muttered a quiet apology. "I'm so sorry, you know what she can be like."

"You don't need to apologize." Phyllis assured her softly before adding a reminder of her own. "She's hurt. You know as well as I do that when she's hurt she lashes out at the people she trusts not to give up on her."

Sybbie chuckled miserably in agreement. "But you have to side with Elizabeth in this and she'll see that as you giving up on her."

"I do and she will." Phyllis confirmed. "You know this already, but there is nothing that will ever make me give up on the two of you."

"I know." Sybbie nodded before racing forward to wrap her arms tightly around the woman she'd seen as a maternal figure since long before she and Emma had even realized their feelings for one another. "Thank you so much for that."

"You take care of her for me." Phyllis requested quietly once she'd pulled away from their embrace. "And let me know if any of you need anything from us, alright dear?"

"Of course." Sybbie agreed easily. "But I expect you to do the same, regardless of the circumstances."

Shortly after Phyllis had left with Emma Elizabeth had locked herself in her room and Joseph had figured it was best to give her some time alone. But when nearly an hour had passed and his daughter's sobs hadn't quieted in the slightest Joseph found himself nervously approaching the room in hopes of comforting his daughter.

He knocked on the door gently, not wanting to frighten his already on-edge daughter, and he was surprised to hear the shuffling of feet coming from the other side as Elizabeth opened the door to face him with tears running down her cheeks.

"Oh, honey." Joseph sighed softly, carefully putting a hand on her shoulder to help guide her back to the bed where he sat her down on the edge of the mattress before kneeling a few feet in front of her.

After a few minutes he quietly asked, "How are you feeling, love?"

"Like I deserve everything I've gotten and more." Elizabeth croaked back miserably.

"Oh my darling." Joseph whispered as he reached for one of her outstretched hands. "Your sister said some very cruel things to you today."

"She's right though." Elizabeth shrugged back, her mind clearly drifting to what had happened earlier.

Joseph shook his head firmly as he tried to get her to focus on him. "What do you think she's right about?"

"I'm selfish for not being willing to let her have my baby." Elizabeth replied readily. "I'm giving up on a tiny little baby before it's even here. I'm giving away the only thing she's ever wanted without a second thought. I'm a bloody coward for–"

"You are the furthest thing from selfish or a coward." Joseph stopped her from continuing. "And even if it was selfish, or cowardly, you are allowed to be as selfish and cowardly as you want right now. The pain you're going through right now entitles you to whatever it is you need. You understand me?"

"But Mum did it for Emma." Elizabeth argued back weakly. "Why shouldn't I do it for this baby?"

"Your mother is the strongest person I've ever known - and I want to be clear that I would never wish that Emma weren't a part of our family - but the pain that your mother has gone through for your sister is something I've prayed endlessly to be taken away from her." Joseph admitted with a sad smile. "You were so little when the worst of it happened, but the absolute terror Emma's biological father brought on our family is something she still struggles with."

Elizabeth shook her head in confusion. "So what am I supposed to do?"

"I'm not sure there's a right answer here, kiddo." Joseph admitted gently. "But I think that you should do whatever it is you feel is best for you right now."

"You won't think I'm horrid?" Elizabeth asked softly. "You and Mum won't hate me for giving it up?"

"No, not at all." Joseph insisted firmly as he moved to sit next to his daughter. "I think you're incredibly brave. And strong, just like your mother."

"But I won't keep this baby." Elizabeth whispered back.

"No. You won't." Joseph agreed with a nod. "Because you know in your heart, much in the same way that your mother knew in hers for Emma, what's best for you and this child."

Nearly a week after Emma's visit the Molesley cottage received another surprise visitor, this time Phyllis was the one to open the door to find an obviously put out Elise Carson on their front step.

"I've been worried." Elsie explained as she stepped past the younger woman into the house. "You normally stop by for tea at least once a month, but it's been nearly three months without a word from you."

Phyllis grimaced at the realization of how far her own personal life had slipped in her attempts to manage her daughter's. "Things have been… busy."

"As things always find a way to be." Elise replied with a knowing smile. "I thought I'd make it easier for you to tell me you'd like to stop our meetings by dropping by myself for a chat."

"I haven't been intentionally avoiding you." Phyllis insisted. "I would never–"

"Mum have you seen–" Elizabeth's voice rang down the stairs along with her footsteps until she abruptly stopped at the sight of their guest. "Good morning, Mrs. Carson."

"Elise, please." The older woman dismissed the formality in an instant before offering the girl a smile. "I see congratulations are in order."

Phyllis gave a brief shake of her head before moving over to help her now trembling daughter down the rest of the staircase.

"Or not." Elise offered sympathetically at the realization she had misstepped. "I'm sorry to have intruded."

"You know you're always welcome here, Elsie." Phyllis assured her quickly. "Things have just been… busy."

"As you said." Elise agreed with a nod. "I'd still love to sit down for a cuppa with you both if it's not too much of an imposition, but I understand if you'd rather I left."

"I would love to visit with you." Phyllis assured her quickly. "Lizzie, it's your choice if you want to join us or not."

"You don't have to, dear." Elise offered her own assurances. "Nor do you need to share the details of your situation if you don't wish to. I've never been one to make other's troubles my business if they're not looking for a friend to share them with."

"I just don't want to shock you." Elizabeth admitted tiredly as she sat down in the chair her mother had led her to when she hadn't made a move to go back upstairs. "I don't know if I can take another person hating me."

"Oh, I'm afraid it would take quite a bit to shock me at this age." Elise dismissed her concern as she sat across from Elizabeth at the table. "I've been around long enough to have heard nearly all there is to hear. Besides that, I don't know that there's anything you could have done that would make me hate you."

"It's up to you." Phyllis reminded her as she placed the kettle on the hob. "But you can trust Elise with anything."

Elizabeth nodded before cautiously beginning the story. "There was a man in London… my professor actually…"

Most of the story and a pot of tea later found three women sitting in a somber silence at the Moleseys' kitchen table, no one quite sure what to say now that the truth had been stated so plainly.

It was Elsie who eventually broke the silence. "I've known plenty of young women who've found themselves the recipient of unwanted attentions, and a number who mothered a child before marriage, and a scant few who've had the misfortune of experiencing both." She thought back on the days over twenty years where Phyllis's own misfortune on both accounts were revealed to her. "You haven't shocked me in the slightest. I'm only sorry to hear you've been through so much."

Elizabeth nodded in understanding but didn't look up at the older woman, seemingly unable to focus on anything other than her hands in her lap.

"I trust your mother is taking very good care of you." Elise continued patiently as she reached out to take one of Elizabeth's hands in her own. "You're very lucky to have her."

"Yes." Elizabeth replied in a raspy whisper through her tears. "She's been wonderful. So has Dad."

"Do you have a plan for your child's care once they're here?" Elise asked gently.

Elizabeth paled and her voice was shaking as she managed to explain, "I… I can't be a Mum. Not like this."

Elsie nodded with a sad smile. "I trust you've put a lot of thought into that decision." She gave her hand another squeeze. "I haven't told a lot of people about this, but I have a nephew by blood who was adopted nearly forty years ago now."

Elizabeth's eyes snapped to hers in sudden interest. "What happened to him?"

"The situation wasn't the same." Elsie explained carefully. "My little sister was born different and a man responsible for her care took advantage. She wasn't fit to be a mother, and I wasn't in any sort of position to take on the wee lad, so he was adopted by a couple who hadn't been able to have a child of their own."

"Do you know what happened to him after that?" Elizabeth probed cautiously.

"I do, actually." Elise smiled. "He found me several years ago when he was looking for Becky. He's done very well for himself. A solicitor and everything." She explained with a hint of pride in her voice.

"Was he angry?" Elizabeth questioned further.

"He was hurt." Elise admitted easily. "I don't think there's anything easy about adoption, for mother or child, and nothing about situations like this makes that any easier."

Elizabeth absorbed her response for a moment before softly asking, "Does that mean you think that women should keep the baby in these situations?"

"I hope I'm not causing trouble by saying so, but you sound as if you're questioning yourself." Elise replied carefully.

Elizabeth paled instantly at the observation and Phyllis was preparing to step in when to her surprise her daughter volunteered the source of her troubles herself. "Emma's angry with me for not keeping the baby. She thinks I'm horrible for not… for not doing what Mum did."

"Your sister is a force to be reckoned with." Elise nodded with a sad smile. "I remember the day she arrived at Downton very well. She was so brave and certain at first glance, but behind that fiery exterior was a terrified little girl that had been torn from house to house without ever truly having a home. She's come so far since then, but deep down that scared little girl is still in there."

It was nearing the time that Joseph would be returning from the schoolhouse that Elsie made her leave, stopping at the doorway to wrap her arms around Phyllis and offer the quiet reassurance that, "You're doing the best you can for her. Don't you worry about that for a moment."

"Thank you." Phyllis wiped at the tears that had immediately gathered at the older woman's words. "But this is about her and I can't help but feel I've already failed her so many–"

"You haven't." Elise insisted easily. "You need to be kinder to yourself. This can't be easy for you either, lass. Not with your history."

"Elise–" Phyllis tried to disagree only to be cut off once more.

"You call me if there's anything I can do for either of you, you understand?" "I may be old, but all that aging has given me an endless well of experience and empathy. I've always gone to bat for you and your family, and not a thing has changed on that front. You just tell me where to swing."

NOTES:

Content Warnings:
Descriptions of Abuse & Rape/Non-Con; Pregnancy; Medical Trauma; Abuse of Power; PTSD/Panic Attacks

Chapter Recap (Contains Spoilers):
Emma finds out about Elizabeth's pregnancy and takes her plan to give up the baby for adoption badly. Phyllis takes Emma home to Sybbie and explains what happened. Joseph comforts Elizabeth after her and Emma's fight. Elsie Carson arrives to find out where Phyllis has been and offers comfort to both Phyllis and Elizabeth after learning the truth.