Early the next day, Addison and Derek do not meet, as he has a long surgery that begins in the early hours of the morning.
It's a little after lunch when Addison finds him coming out of the cafeteria. They smile at each other and he asks:
"Are you guys okay?"
"We are."
Addison speaks with a soft smile and fights the urge to rub her belly, fearing someone will notice. She then remembers what prompted her to seek him out and asks:
" How far does the cordiality between the two of us go?"
"Like this?"
"I'm worried about Richard, he's so sad."
Derek is confused by the drastic change in conversation, but he's known Addison long enough not to question it and just let her ramble on. He then states:
"He just broke up with his wife, that doesn't make a person ecstatic."
"Only in your case."
She plays without warning. Derek stares at her, trying to come up with na answer, but she cuts him off.
"I think he needs someone to vent to."
"Then talk to him."
"I think the two of us should talk to him together. Just to make sure he can count on us."
"For being a little depressed?"
"Because he is our friend and he has always supported us the most."
"When you get divorced, your wife doesn't have to stop teasing you?"
Derek asks with a half smile. Addison crosses her arms, already losing patience and asks:
"Are you going to come with me to talk to the boss or not?"
"Ok, I will go."
Derek speaks without much enthusiasm. Addison smiles victoriously and they walk to the elevator together.
AAAAAA
Addison and Derek enter Richard's office together, they stand side by side and speak at the same time:
"We think you're depressed."
"You?"
The boss asks without enthusiasm. The two nod talking at the same time again and sit down without waiting for na invitation. Still discouraged and a little surprised, Richard says:
"For you to agree on anything, I must be on the brink of suicide."
"We agree sometimes."
Addison claims.
"On that we agree." Complete derek
"Then you can begin."
Addison speaks to Richard and stares at him. After a few seconds of hesitation the older man starts to speak:
"Adele wants me to stop being chief. She wants me to retire."
"Retire? That's crazy! What would you do?"
"Would you spend more time with the woman perhaps?"
Addison asks in na indignant tone. To which Derek retorts:
"She's being unreasonable."
"She wants to know that marriage is a priority for him."
"And you're using work for that?"
"Or he is. There are men who use work, men who use another woman."
"There are women who use another man."
As they argue, Richard starts to ramble on about still visiting Ellis Gray and having time for her but not Adele. Addison and Derek however are in their own universe at this point:
"I was alone. You had settled down and I was alone."
"You gave up on us first. I was there, dammit!"
Richard keeps talking without being heard.
"Someone is causing the rift between Richard and Adele. Maybe you don't see it, but I do and so does Adele."
"Maybe he sees it, but he doesn't want to do anything about it."
Derek says already losing patience.
Richard realizes what is happening at that moment and stops to watch them. As Addison raises her voice:
"He has to do something! Marriages are built like that, changing. It's change that...
"What's it like? Derek interrupts- the man has a right to...
"Look...- Addison prepares a response, but this time it's Richard who interrupts in a higher tone than theirs:
"Stop helping me!"
Addison apologizes awkwardly while Derek remains silent. Richard then explains that he misses Adele and that he doesn't want the marriage to end.
Addison speaks again and gains the attention of both men:
"Richard, your marriage isn't over until you decide it is. Until you decide the sacrifice isn't worth it."
She says the last part looking into Derek's eyes. He looks away slightly as he agrees with her, but she continues to stare at him in a disconcerting manner. As he is about to continue, Yang slams the door with the results of his father's exams.
O'Malley and cuts the weather. This makes Derek quite relieved.
AAAAA
They leave the office together, leaving the boss and the intern alone. When they are near the elevator, Derek holds Addison's hand and asks:
"Are you well?"
"I am."
She speaks without looking at him. He squeezes her hand and feels the rings, he's noticed them before, but it's the first time she can't hide it. Addison immediately notices, she tries to pull her hand away, but he holds back and prepares a question. Addison steps forward:
"They're stuck. I couldn't get them out."
"Ever tried soap?"
"It's a great tip."
She speaks with sharp sarcasm. Derek continues to hold her hand as he tries to get into the subject:
"About the things we talked about in the boss's room..."
"It's okay, Derek, helping a friend is just one more thing we failed at together."
She says discouraged. And Derek decides to lighten the mood:
"There's one thing we don't fail at together."
"We only failed in time."
She speaks in the same tone and removes her hand from his, calling for the elevator. Derek confesses:
"I called Nancy yesterday, I just wanted to talk about the baby with someone and it was fine."
"Great."
"I'm happy, Addie. I really am."
His words take her by surprise and she can't help but smile. Soon the elevator arrives, there are a few nurses inside so they remain silent, not speaking to each other anymore as they part in the fourth floor hallway.
AAAAA
The day is long and tiring, Addison is still a little shaken by the argument she had with Derek in Richard's office. The ring of alliances is still echoing in her head and she knows she needs to get rid of it if she wants a chance to move forward.
In the middle of the afternoon, Callie approaches the redhead and asks happily:
"How's Seattle Grace's mother-to-be doing?"
"Even more sickened by that question?"
Addison asks rhetorically with furrowed brows. Callie lets out a small laugh, but then turns serious:
"Seriously, how are you?"
"Good."
"Were you able to tell Shepherd?"
"Yes. And he's happy, apparently."
Addison speaks with a soft smile. Callie also smiles and asks:
"So are you guys well enough that you can watch his surgery? Miranda and I are going and I really need some company out here."
"We are in his words, being civil, so yeah. Let's go, because I need company too."
That's how Addison ends up in Derek's OR gallery, sitting between Miranda and Callie. She takes off the rings, puts one on each index finger and stares at them. The redhead's thoughts are distant until she hears Miranda's voice ask:
"Have you thought about having kids?"
"What?!"
She must come out louder and more surprised than she intended, as Miranda's brow furrows in confusion. The shorter woman explains:
"I was just asking if you've thought about having kids, despite your career. I've been missing out on Tuck's life."
Addison has to hold back the sigh of relief before answering:
"Derek and I talked about it, but I wasn't ready."
Miranda nods and then changes the subject:
"Have you thought about selling this?" She asks pointing to the wedding rings.
"I don't know what to make of it."
Addison says admiring the rings. At that moment Callie says:
"My mother says wedding rings after divorce are a bad omen."
"So what would your mother do?"
"She melted and buried."
"You want?"
"The rings do. I don't believe in superstitions."
Callie laughs. Addison ends up smiling too and Miranda goes back to talking about children.
AAAAA
Addison waits for Derek on one of the hospital's front benches. After thinking all day about what to do with the rings, she decides it's best to return them to him. Luckily Derek doesn't take long to show up, clearly anxious after receiving a message from her. And he comes asking:
"Are you well?"
"Of course, why?"
"Your message has me worried."
Addison arches her eyebrows and asks in a judgmental tone:
"My message that said; we need to talk meet me in front of the hospital?"
Derek doesn't answer, just lowers his eyes, flushed. Addison shakes her head, na overprotective father Derek was never hard to imagine. After a few seconds she decides to explain:
"Actually I called you here to deliver this."
She then extends her hand with the palm up and the two rings shining on top of it. Derek stares at the rings in shock for a few moments and then asks in a slightly emotional voice:
"Why are you handing me this?"
"Because we're divorced and I don't know what to do with them."
"They're yours, I don't want them back."
"Well, neither do I.
Addison speaks impatiently, pushing the rings toward him. Derek crosses his arms refusing to take them and states:
"These rings are yours, Addison, and they must stay that way."
"Your ring was yours and you got rid of it."
"Who said?"
"You never put it back."
"Doesn't mean I got rid of her."
He speaks sincerely. Addison swallows hard, taking a few seconds to process the information. Once she recovers, she confesses:
"They weren't stuck. I just couldn't get them out and face the meaning of it."
"I know."
Derek speaks in na understanding tone. Addison continues:
"That's why I need to get rid of them. I need to move on, Derek."
"And you will follow, but not giving them back to me. Addie, putting those rings on your finger were two of the best moments of my life and I don't regret them, on the contrary, even knowing the ending we had, I would do it all over again ."
His words bring tears to her eyes and for a few moments she feels dizzy. Derek continues:
"The moment I laid eyes on them I saw you wearing them, I saw your eyes shining through them and I was sure of the future I wanted. Keep them somewhere. It's not fair for me to keep these rings."
Taking a deep breath to hold back the tears, Addison nods. She then puts the rings in her pocket, strokes his cheek and turns to leave. At this point, Derek confesses:
"I keep mine in the glove compartment of the Jeep you refused to get in."
Addison turns to see him with her smug smile, she rolls her eyes and finally pulls away, grateful that he's softened the moment. She reaches her hand deeper into her pocket, squeezing the rings and telling herself she'll be fine. One day she will.
Derek watches her walk away, he runs his hands through his hair and lets out a long sigh. He suddenly realizes that all he needs is a drink in the solitude of the trailer. So he texts Meredith making up na excuse and heads to her place in the woods.
AAAA
Addison is having lunch when Derek approaches in the cafeteria. It had been nearly two days since they'd had their emotional conversation about rings and she'd been trying to avoid him ever since. Standing in front of her, he happily says:
"It's good to see you."
"What do you want?"
"You didn't show up yesterday and you didn't answer my calls, you were gone all morning today."
"I was off duty yesterday and I texted that I was fine. And today I had a long surgery that started early."
"How are you?"
Derek asks ignoring her answer. Addison makes a face, but replies:
"I'm fine, Derek. I officially entered week eight two days ago."
"I know. I'm marking it on a calendar."
Addison feels a chill, the bad memory of another man's voice saying the same sentence hitting her like bricks. Noticing the change in her expression, he thinks it's a criticism and is justified:
"I just want to keep up with everything."
Addison recovers and gives him a soft smile. Surprising her, Derek pulls out his chair and sits down across from her. Crossing his arms on the table, he asks:
"Are you comfortable, Addie? With the pregnancy, living in a hotel?"
Once again he takes her by surprise, but she doesn't miss the opportunity:
"It's the most comfortable place I've been since moving to Seattle."
The teasing tone is clear and Derek smiles to hide his annoyance. Addison speaks again:
"I'm comfortable. The hotel is great and meets all my needs. I still have a few months before I definitely choose a place to live."
"If you need help with that."
"I don't need help, Derek. Stop acting like a caring, caring guy because this has nothing to do with me."
"Addie, I'm trying to support you here."
"But I don't want your support and I don't want you hovering. You could barely look me in the face before you found out about the baby and now you won't leave me alone. What I said the other night about moving on is still true and to I need you to step aside."
Derek frowns and prepares na interruption, but Addison doesn't allow it.
"When I have news about the pregnancy, appointments, exams...or if something happens, I'll talk to you. You're going to participate, but in my pregnancy, Derek. We're not friends, we're not civil. We're two divorcees in which one got everything and the other one is still wallowing, so please step aside."
The look he gets from her turns his stomach and he has no choice but to nod. He then gets up, gives her a sad smile and asks:
"Take care, Addie."
She nods and he walks away. Addison knows it was tough, but she knows the need for it, being around a concerned and dedicated Derek is hurting her, is making her feel things she doesn't want and can no longer feel.
AAAA
A few days later, life is back to normal at Seattle Grace. Derek decided to comply with Addison's request and since then they have only exchanged "how are you?" messages. It is clear that he is worried, but he chose to respect her space, not least because there is no other alternative. He never imagined that he wouldn't participate in the gestation of a child, that he wouldn't be able to talk to the baby before bed, he wouldn't take care of Addison's cravings or nausea. But fate had na amazing way of toying with him.
These days it's not just Addison that Derek chooses to avoid, but Meredith as well. To be hiding something so important from her again was consuming, this was not how he was supposed to start their shiny new relationship. Meredith must have all of him; his love, his time, and his honesty, all of which he was unable to give Addison in the final years of their marriage.
He feels he's doing a good job avoiding her, until she corners him outside a patient's room. With a hesitant smile, she asks:
"Are we still going out today?"
"What?"
Derek asks coming out of his deep thoughts. Meredith frowns as she explains:
"That new restaurant you wanted to try that made reservations the week before last."
"Oh sure! I remember."
He didn't remember. The place had been recommended by Preston and he was excited about the idea of visiting a different place with Meredith to break the routine. Of course, he'd made the reservations the day before Addison's revelation and since then the subject has faded from his mind.
After seconds of distraction, Derek realizes that Meredith is still looking at him expectantly. He forces himself to smile as he says:
"I'm released at 8. I'll wait for you in the lobby."
"OK."
She smiles and he considers going down the hall, but she's still standing in front of him, looking more hesitant now than before. Before he can ask, she does:
"Are you okay, Derek?"
"I am. Just tired from work."
It's the most clichéd and out-of-character response, but it's all he can come up with. Meredith nods unconvinced and gives him room to keep walking. He smiles at her and then walks away as fast as he can.
What was a doubt for the blonde becomes na absolute certainty, something is wrong with her perfect boyfriend.
AAAAA
Dinner with Meredith is tense. Things go on as normal, but the weight of his secret and her mistrust doesn't allow them to relax. They talk about Seattle all night long. About the places they can visit, the things they can do on their rare days off, and how enjoyable a ferry ride together would be.
It's clear to him that Meredith wants to ask, but she doesn't. He wants to tell but he can't and so they get to dessert.
That's when Derek gets the call, there's been a serious accident and there's a man on Seattle Grace that only the great Derek Shepherd can save. As time is short, Derek immediately asks for the check, he hands his wallet to Meredith in a hurried gesture and justifies himself with the need to go to the bathroom. The young woman just nods as he walks away and the waiter approaches.
When Meredith hands the card to the waiter something catches her eye, she pulls out the piece of paper which turns out to be a grainy ultrasound image. Meredith swallows, feeling bile rise in her throat as she reads the name and date. At last she finds out what is wrong with Derek.
The waiter has just walked away when Derek returns to the table, he puts his hand on Meredith's back guiding her to the exit. She remains silent on the short walk to her car, watches him open her door, then gets in her car and waits for him. When Derek gets into the driver's seat, Meredith hands him her wallet and he smiles at her. That's how Meredith lifts the ultrasound photo, she holds the image in front of his face as she asks, fury evident in her tone:
"When did you intend to show me this, Derek?!"
AAAAA
Again I thank and encourage your comments.
I reinforce that my mother tongue is not English and that I do not own Greys.