Note: This is absolutely a Pansy/Neville HEA. HOWEVER, it is also a slow burn. AND I don't think Pansy should go straight to Neville after Draco without having a little fun first…
...
October 1992
Pansy had never been on this side of the castle below the first level. Where the dungeons were cool and damp, the hallway down to the Hufflepuff rooms and the kitchens grew warmer with every step, the rich smells of roasted meats and sweet pies growing almost overwhelming. Pansy quieted the voice in her head that wanted to taste these foods, thinking instead of the wonderful feeling of wrapping her fingers around her bony wrist.
She fingered the note from Dahlia, soft and wrinkled from being folded over and over again in the last few weeks before a howler from her mother urged her to deliver it. The note held a small map, which had guided her here. As she had drawn it out, Dahlia had instructed Pansy on the purpose of her visit to the kitchens.
"The house elves of Hogwarts have been keeping pureblood women thin for centuries. They know what to do. Simply let them know you are my daughter, and they will do what they are told. But it is up to us- up to you, Pansy, to control ourselves and make their effort worthwhile." Dahlia had looked at Pansy's awkward little body with her lips pressed tightly together in unrestrained disappointment. "You'll never have the assets your friends will, my dear. You can blame your father's side for that." Her voice had taken on the slightly cold edge that made Pansy's teeth grind. "You'll have to keep the Malfoy boy from getting distracted in other ways."
"I trust you, Pansy." Her cruel, dark brown eyes, so similar to those Pansy saw when she looked in the mirror, had said otherwise.
…
Pansy lost track of time; and while she tried to remember the last time that had happened, she ran Stewart back to the house and changed her top to a sharp button up, pairing it with kitten heels, wide leg trousers, and a spray of cologne. Without time to be anxious, she showed up in the Great Hall precisely seven minutes after the meal had begun, her usual perfect timing.
She was surprised to find the head table deserted, staff and faculty crowded around one of the house tables (Ravenclaw? She couldn't remember), pouring wine and pumpkin juice into the same old goblets. The overpowering scent of the dinner immediately sent her reeling into childhood, making her almost nauseous. Steeling herself, she found McGonagall, who nodded at her to join them, pointing to an empty space next to a handsome middle-aged man with deep brown skin and a salt-and-pepper beard.
Approaching with as much confidence as she could conjure, Pansy watched the faces at the table react to her. She attempted her usual haughty assurance, finding that it took more energy than normal. Then she began recognizing faces around her. Luna freaking Lovegood, of all people, sat next to Hagrid, who waved at her with embarrassing friendliness. Lovegood just tilted her head at her, as though she had put on her face sideways this morning. To her shock, Potter sat on the other side of Lovegood, hilariously dressed in what had to be a homemade jumper with a giant H on it. She covered a snicker, it wouldn't do to make enemies out of…former enemies…quite yet.
As McGonagall stood and cleared her throat, Pansy quickly found a seat. "Welcome to the new academic year. As always, I look forward to the next few days of setting up our classrooms and organizing student schedules." most of the teachers groaned at this- "We are not fully assembled, as a few professors were delayed and will be arriving late this evening. While many of us know each other, I would like us all to please introduce ourselves. List your house and subject, as well, please. Then, we may eat."
Pansy looked searchingly around her, desperate suddenly for anything alcoholic. A nudge next to her, from the gentleman she had noticed before, caught her attention. He grinned, handing her a bottle of something red that had been to his left. She mouthed, "thank you" and poured herself some, offering with a tilt of the bottle to do the same for him, which he politely and silently declined.
She heard Hagrid introduce himself as groundskeeper, then a polite silence, until someone finally nudged Loony Lovegood into awareness. "Oh, yes, hello, I am Luna Lovegood. I will begin teaching Care of Magical Creatures this year, though I can only hope to do as well as Hagrid here, and I look forward to making friends with all of you." Pansy held in a scoff.
"Erm, yes. Harry Potter. Defense against the Dark Arts. Head of Gryffindor." Potter was as awkward as ever, pushing his glasses up his nose. Pansy was starting to wonder if she would get through this dinner without laughing- and if there was any way she would survive this year.
"Oh- yes!" Lovegood's voice chimed in again, all ditzy charm. "I am a Ravenclaw."
Pansy sipped her wine as polite laughter broke the silence at the table. The next voices were older, sounding tired. Flitwick introduced himself, though Pansy couldn't imagine to whom, and Trelawney, that old bat. McGonagall spoke for Binns, who couldn't be convinced to leave his classroom for a meal he couldn't eat.
Annabel Entwhistle, who Pansy thought she vaguely recognized as a few years older than her, introduced herself as the Transfiguration teacher and head of Hufflepuff, and Elspeth MacGillony, who by appearance Pansy would have bet ten galleons had been a Weasley, as a Ravenclaw, the Deputy Headmistress, and the Professor of Ancient Runes. Finally, the man next to her spoke with a thick Pakistani accent. "Yes, hello everyone. I am glad to be here. My name is Ram Patil and I did not attend Hogwarts, so I couldn't say what my house might be. I will be teaching Muggle Studies."
The loneliness of being the only Slytherin on staff snuck up on her. Insecurity and fear rushed into her lungs.
Pansy was the last to speak. "Pansy Parkinson," she began, catching a few whispers around the table, "Potions and head of Slytherin House."
Finally, food appeared on the tables in front of them, and Pansy sighed with relief. The magic of this castle never failed to impress: a baked chicken breast, brussel sprouts, and a huge dish of lemons had appeared next to her. With a glance to her left, she noticed that she wasn't the only one with a unique meal. While most of the table dug into chicken pot pies and roasts, Lovegood seemed to be enjoying some kind of lentil nonsense, while the mysterious Ram next to her had a delicious-smelling curry. She glanced at him, questioning.
He grinned, his teeth alarmingly perfect. "I keep halal. Not so difficult in London, but it took some explaining down in the kitchens. Pansy turned on her best charming laugh, subtly flipping her new short hair behind her shoulder. "I can imagine."
He nodded to her plate. "Just picky," she lied gracefully, "they must remember me from when I was a student."
"Ah. When did you attend?"
"See, now that would make me share my age, and a lady never tells." She giggled, suddenly shameless as she realized this was the first attractive (and, if his ring finger was any telling, single) man she had met in months. "Only kidding." She bit her lip. "I was in the same class as Professors Potter and Lovegood, actually."
Ram smiled, "You know my cousins, then. Padma and Parvati Patil."
Pansy smiled thinly, nodding with a carefully neutral expression. "I know who they are, yes."
"You did not want to sit next to your friends tonight?"
Pansy pressed her lips together. "We weren't friends, exactly."
"I see." His voice was solemn.
She shook her head, determined to keep the evening light. "Ancient history, really." She touched his arm lightly- casually. "What brought you to Hogwarts?"
"Nothing did, actually. I never attended."
She nodded gently, encouraging him to continue, "I am muggleborn, and when Dumbledore came to tell my parents, but they decided I would be safer at home." He shrugged as her face betrayed her surprise. "Protective Pakistini families don't discriminate; an outsider is an outsider." He laughed to himself, clearly the only one in on the joke.
"How did you learn?"
He smiled, as though it was a delicious secret. "My cousins- second cousins, really. They are quite a bit younger than I am, as you can tell." He gestured to the light dusting of gray at his temples. "Our families got together while I was in university, I was angry for some reason and exploded a nearby bush. The twins cornered me later and showed me their wands, told me all about this…strange world they lived in."
"They gave me all of her textbooks- taught me all summer. Introduced me to their parents and other magical aunties and uncles." He chuckled. "There's a whole network, you would never know. I don't have the skills you all learned in school, but Headmistress McGonagall was understanding when I applied for the position. And the other professors have been so generous in teaching me a bit on the side."
Alarmed at himself, he rushed to assure her that there was no pressure to do the same, but Pansy demured, making the silent offer. "Oh it would be a pleasure for you to join me in the lab."
By the time McGonagall left the table, announcing they would all need to meet in the afternoon the next day to begin scheduling, Pansy had offered Ram full use of her office hours/study hall anytime he wanted to come by.
…
Having survived dinner, Pansy rewarded herself by curling up on her chaise, enjoying the darkening of the lake and watching the stars begin to appear.
"Excussseee me misssss"
Pansy jumped, scaring Stewart off of the chaise. "What the actual fuck?!"
The metal cobra door knocker was on the wall, immediately next to her head. "You MOVE?!"
"Of courssseee."
"Okay, I can tell you right now I'm going to need you to stay OUT of the bedroom."
"Yessss, ma'am" it hissed with what Pansy suspected was a hint of sarcasm.
"What do you want?"
"There isss a visssitor."
"Christ. Who is it?"
"Handsssome boy."
Pansy shrugged. It was forward of Ram to stop by so late, but who was she to argue with a desire to wander into each other's rooms before the nosy little students swarmed the castle. She had brought good wine from home for this very reason.
Glancing down at her silk short pajama set, she pulled on an extra large chunky cashmere cardigan that had cost her more than Stewart, the length of which teased at the hem of her shorts in the exact right way.
Upon opening the door, Pansy froze, pulling the cardigan tighter around her. "What the fuck are you doing here?"
Pansy watched with unbridled amusement as the famous green eyes couldn't stop themselves from tracing her long legs. He fidgeted, and she felt the smirk bloom on her face.
"Like what you see, Potter?"
"Ahem." He shook himself out of the daze, eyes finding hers. "Parkinson."
"Were you expecting someone else?"
"I thought we should. Um. Clear the air."
Every single mannered bone in Pansy's body did not want to do this. Did not know why in the world he would do this. No Slytherin in the world would have this confrontation willingly. She raised a brow at him. "Is this going to be a long conversation?"
She gave him credit- he raised his brow in return, challenging her, a little reminder that he was actually the one she had volunteered for murder.
She sighed, opening the door wider. "Come in. I'll need liquor for this. Eyes to yourself, Potter."
He stammered as if to deny his poor performance at the door, but stepped into the room.
She went to the little bar cart in the corner of the living room- one of the first things she had set up. "Please tell me that you drink."
"Sure." He seemed distracted as Stewart jumped up on his legs and Pansy opted not to discipline the dog.
Pansy poured two glasses of a quality muggle whiskey, handing him one and placing herself back on the chaise, calling Stewart away from where he was sniffing the scarhead to join her in his new spot.
She waited, finally gesturing to him with her glass. "Your meeting."
"Erm, right." He swallowed his whiskey, grimacing slightly. Pansy rolled her eyes. She never thought Granger would be the more tolerable of the two. "Hermione told me you were taking over for Slughorn."
Pansy looked around the room pointedly. "Obviously."
"And I just wanted to say, I don't harbor any hard feelings."
This was too fun. She pretended confusion. "About…?"
Harry finally hardened a little, sitting up and leaning towards her. "The battle, Parkinson. I know you're not stupid."
"Ohh," Pansy pretended realization, "the time I tried to give you up to the Dark Lord in exchange for hundreds of other lives?"
"You stand by it, then?" It almost sounded like a challenge.
Pansy needed everyone in the world to be a little less stupid, a little less eager for a fight. "Of course not." She took a healthy sip, letting the whiskey warm her throat. "Do I stand by doing what I thought I had to to keep myself and my friends safe?" She shrugged one shoulder. "Sure. That's all anybody was doing." Harry seemed to be processing this information carefully. "But- we were" Pansy realized she had included Draco in her head- the unit she had once been, the unit she had defended this moment for over so many years. "I was on the wrong side of it. You won, and if I could go back and not say anything, I would." She leaned back.
Potter had finished his drink, thinking. "I think that's fair."
She was unable to stop the surprise on her face. She finished her drink to gather herself. "So we can be polite colleagues? No turning students against me, or sicking Lovegood's insanity upon me?"
Harry laughed, open and bright. What was it about these Gryffindors, so vulnerable, so willing to lose their cool in public. "I can promise the first part, but Luna's rather uncontrollable." He blushed a little as he said this, as they both stood and she took both glasses to the sink. Her back to him, she felt his eyes on her legs again and grinned to herself. Draco would have lost his mind.
Pansy turned, opening the door. "Thanks for clearing that up, then."
He beamed, a little flushed from the whiskey and more comfortable now. "Thanks for the drink."
Before she could stop herself, she added. "You're buying next time."
As Harry Potter stepped out her door, he quipped back, "deal."
…
Despite the joy she had found in running along the pathways of Malfoy Manor and even the loop around her apartment in the last six months, nothing had ever compared to her original loop around the lake, greenhouse, and grounds. And now she didn't have to sneak through the whole castle, empty at 6am, to get back to the dungeons. With a brief rub of Stewart's ears, she pulled on a bright purple sports bra, one of Draco's old Quidditch pullovers, and shorts, lacing up her running shoes eagerly.
The sun rose as she looped the lake, splashes of pink and pale blue reflected in the water. The sun was beating down, warming the back of her neck. As she approached the greenhouse, she gave into the suddenly oppressive heat, peeling off her jumper over her head. In the second she was blinded by the jersey, she heard a sound and felt her shoulder bump into something hard. Cursing violently, she finally pulled off the jersey and found the culprit- a man's back.
He turned around reflexively, to see what had slammed into him. Cold water sprayed over her abdomen and chest and Pansy screamed, shutting her eyes and attempting to cover her face against the spray. The man was holding a hose in his hand- had been watering some bushes that were kept outside of the conservatory. He began stuttering apologies, dropping the hose at their feet and immediately soaking her shoes. She jumped back to avoid it.
"For fuck's sake, can't you turn it off?" she yelled, wiping the water from her eyes.
"Oh, erm, right!" The water finally shut off as Pansy opened her eyes, focusing on the idiot in front of her. "So sorry…"
It took her a moment, once she could see clearly. The once pudgy blonde boy she had drunkenly and briefly been attracted to in the Malfoy gardens stood in front of her.
He was apologizing profusely, to an obnoxious extent, looking at the ground to avoid her now wet and barely dressed body. "Merlin, stop it."
"Stop- er- what?"
"Apologizing, Longbottom. It's fine."
Neville looked up and she realized that she hadn't been able to see his features in the dark gardens on New Year's. His eyes were a stunning hazel, somehow green and blue and brown all at once- his darkened hair, strong jaw, with the stubble of a man who hadn't shaved in a few days, and sculpted cheek bones he certainly hadn't had in school- framing them brilliantly.
Pansy was so taken aback by his appearance, it took a moment for her to remember that she was half-dressed and soaking wet, his eyes tracing droplets she could feel trickling down her abdomen. Flexing her core subconsciously, she watched his mouth- one thing she vaguely remembered observing that night- open slightly.
Remembering herself and suddenly very eager to not be in this situation, Pansy grumbled, "Don't get in my way next time" and jogged away, her short ponytail flipping water behind her.
…
Deciding to avoid thinking about whatever stroke she had clearly had on her run, Pansy sent a long letter to Daphne updating her on the less alarming events and wondering if she could visit before the start of term.
Groaning at the idea of more unpacking, she decided to spend the morning in the Slytherin dorms.
As she wandered the halls, memories rushed back- trauma, certainly, in that corner, and there, which she stubbornly repressed having any reaction to. But also parties, friendships forming and dissolving, Theo Nott coming out to her on that couch in seventh year, her first kiss with Draco in that little alcove by the window, where a mermaid waved to her now.
The boys and girls' dorms had already been magically set up, sorting the students by year. The upper years were sparsely populated- shockingly so- and she would need to find out why. Only two or three students in the sixth and seventh year rooms.
Nostalgia overwhelmed her, and she unconsciously brushed a hand through the four-poster bed curtains and over the old silver threaded comforters. Here was Draco's bed, and Daphne's, where they had slept huddled together so many nights seventh year, unwilling or unable to discuss the awful fears they couldn't block out with the surrounding curtains. She found her bed, and the little spot on the right pillar at the head where she had secretly carved her initials.
…
December 1994
Pansy twirled around the dorm room, her pink ruffled skirts flowering out around her before twisting back in around her legs. "Daphne!" She yelled towards the water closet where her friend had been primping for nearly an hour. "The boys are waiting for us downstairs. Probably have been for ages." She watched her skirts flutter out prettily.
"Alright, alright. It'll have to do, I suppose."
Looking up as Daphne's heels clicked towards her, Pansy inhaled sharply at the sight. "Oh Daph…you're gorgeous"
The auburn-haired girl, taller and curvier than Pansy, all legs and hips and bright aquamarine eyes, glowed in a deep blue set of robes. Pansy was grateful that Daphne and Blaise had become nearly inseparable this year, and Draco too smart to get in between them. His eyes would stay on her tonight; the corset and padding and muggle makeup and beauty charms would make sure of that.
"Pansy!" Daphne cheered, clapping her hands together. "You look incredible! Draco's going to lose his mind." Pansy blushed.
He had, at first. Draco had gawked satisfyingly as Pansy had approached him in the common room, and his hand had drifted to her lower back and across her hips, pulling him close to her posessively. And then they had arrived, and a periwinkle dress in the arms of a Bulgarian had ruined Pansy's night with a swift, sharp slice.
The flash of a camera, and Pansy knew the Daily prophet would have a photo of Hermione Granger dancing like a lowborn idiot, Draco's eyes burning into her from the corner.
The letter from Dahlia the following morning was simple, but Pansy knew a threat when she read one; "Watch out for the mudblood. Draco is all you have."