Pansy blearily got dressed for her morning run, only briefly considering how her running clothes would show off her legs and hard-won abdomen. As she rounded the lake and started up the hill towards the greenhouse, Pansy looked up from the trail to see Neville, unfairly dressed in a white t-shirt and denims, outside the greenhouse, pruning something large that looked like it wanted to jump out and take a bite out of him. Thinking of the night before and her new commitment to platonic relationships, she slowed down to approach him, steadying her breath.
"You're at it early."
He turned around with wide eyes, surprised at her sudden proximity. "Oh. Yes. And you?" he gestured vaguely to her. "Running again this morning?"
"Every day," Pansy grinned, endorphins rushing through her as her heart rate began to slow.
"That's- I mean, that's supposed to be good for-" He stumbled over his words and she waited, ungenerous, for him to figure it out himself. Neville cleared his throat, apparently deciding to start over. "How are you doing? I read about…"
Immediately, the smile on Pansy's face dropped, the hazy memory of the Malfoy gardens and Neville Longbottom rejecting her something she had spent six months forgetting. With great effort, she reminded herself that she was supposed to be making friends and allies to succeed in her probation period and changed the subject. "Aren't those carnivorous?"
"Well, um, yes. They are. But if you tell them a joke every few minutes they settle down."
Pansy raised both eyebrows in surprise, barely resisting a smirk. "Know a lot of jokes, Longbottom?"
Neville reached into his back pocket, pulling out a small bent paperback book and waving it without any apparent awareness that it was absurd. "Simple Jokes for Beginners" the plain text read. Pansy couldn't help a small chuckle.
"Well," she gestured at him, "let's hear one." She noticed the pink that bloomed into his cheeks, fleetingly wondering what else could make the man blush.
He glanced at the plant, which had begun to grow restless, its jaw-like blooms flexing and stretching. Flipping through the pages, Neville took a moment to find one, finally approving of the text with a small nod. He glanced up at her tentatively. "How does a vampire start a letter?"
Pansy raised a single, inpatient brow.
A dimple in his left cheek winked at her as Neville briefly smiled. "Tomb it may concern…"
After a beat when she might have laughed, Pansy smiled, concluding, "That's terrible."
Neville looked wounded. "Well, I didn't-"
"I know you didn't write it." She snapped, watching his eyes harden in response.
"I have to get back." Neville gestured to the temporarily complacent bush beside them.
Pansy nodded, effectively rebuffed. "Right," she said in abrupt farewell, jogging away from him, red-faced and unsure how she always managed to read him wrong, go one step too far, and leave him cold.
…
The rest of the week was spent deep in preparation for the school year. Pansy finished unpacking, Stewart ecstatic when she finally unearthed his toys. After her morning run, she spent the majority of every day in the Potions Classroom. Dressed in her canvas pants and tailored t-shirts, she moved around desks and chalkboards, bringing in more lamps and overhead lights into the room, and asked a few house elves to help clean the inches of dust and grime that seemed to coat every surface. Men, she muttered to herself, resenting Slughorn and Snape for the years they spent mildly neglecting the space.
By Saturday, the once miserable dungeon was an almost pleasant space, with spare bulbs falling at various heights from the ceiling, warm globe lamps on each set of polished desks, and plants she brought in from her own little garden that had strong, sweet smells to fight against some of the more unpleasantly scented potions they would be brewing.
She took inventory in the ingredients cabinet and began organizing ingredients by lesson plan, setting up little crates with sets of jars labeled with the potion, class, and date. She already needed more boomslang skin, and she started an extensive order list, hoping she wouldn't be begging Longbottom for too many difficult-to-grow items.
Meals were no longer community-oriented. The other staff seemed to be in the same focused mode that she was in, all of them rushing into the Great Hall to quickly grab something before returning to their own classrooms.
Pansy was in the middle of patching some old cauldrons that had been tossed aside, heating and softening the metal into shape with some handy welding spells she had learned from the wizards who had helped with the mansion's renovations when she had a surprise visitor. Luna Lovegood floated into the dungeons mid-conversation with the Bloody Baron.
"Ooh yes," the woman's ethereal voice cooed, "I agree. She's become quite popular you know, with the students, though I suppose she always was rather."
"Beautiful young ladies like yourselves, of course, you are beloved, even after death." The Baron responded- either charmingly or creepily, Pansy couldn't tell, but Luna just giggled.
"A death day party, I think, would be out of taste- don't you? But I think she'd appreciate a regular- I hope that's not offensive-"
"No, dear"
"Oh, good. I'm still so new to ghost culture, you know. But a birthday party, well I think she'd be tickled."
"It's settled then." The Baron bowed in farewell, to Luna and then to Pansy, who stood awestruck on the other side of the room, unsure if they had even known she was there.
Luna turned her attention to Pansy. "He's a lovely man."
Pansy hid her skepticism. It wasn't as though Luna was the sort to logically understand that we simply didn't make friends with rapists, no matter how schooled they were in chivalry.
"What do you need, Lovegood?" Pansy carefully set aside the hot metal and her wand, still glowing with heat at the tip, removing her dragon hide gloves and smoothing her hair down.
"Oh," the blonde smiled moonily, "I don't need anything, thank you though." She stood oddly still, looking around the room. "I'm so pleased to see you've gotten rid of the hephalump infestations. Well done you!"
Pansy frowned, too uncomfortable to question her and hoping the most simple answers would encourage her to leave more quickly. "Yes, thank you," she responded confidently, "the elves were a great help." "Is there anything I can do for you, Lovegood?"
"For me? Oh, no not really. Thank you though."
Pansy repressed a groan. "What brings you to the Potions classroom?" Pansy spoke slowly, wondering how in the hell this woman had so many friends.
"I'm here for Neville, of course."
"Of course…" Pansy made a show of looking around the room. "I don't think he's here. You might look in the greenhouse?"
Luna grinned broadly. "That's very smart of you, he does love it there." Yet she remained standing. "I was unclear, I suppose. I am here on Neville's behalf. He asked if you had any difficult plants that would need to be grown for particular potions you wished to brew with your students this year."
Pansy was surprised. He was really too afraid to come to her himself? "He sent you as a messenger? Don't you have work to be doing?"
Luna began to wander the classroom, her eyes glued to the ceiling, seemingly (though one never knew with her) admiring the new lights. "Oh, no. He mentioned it this morning in the bed."
In bed. Something inside Pansy cracked, a sinking disappointment in her chest that she refused to name or acknowledge. That explained New Year's…
"Ah. Well." Pansy was no longer in the mood to entertain Neville's loony lover. "You can tell him I am perfectly capable of handling all potion ingredient needs myself." Her voice was sharp, hard, and dismissive. "Thanks for coming by."
Luna looked at her thoughtfully for a long moment and the corners of her lips lifted. "That's good information," she said, though she didn't entirely seem to be referring to Pansy's ingredient-oriented frustration. "I think that will make him very happy. Bye, Pansy!" She sang as she skipped out of the classroom.
Well, it was comforting to know she wasn't losing her entire mind and becoming friendly with everyone. Glad to be feeling bitter again, a mood which fit her far more comfortably than whatever she had been feeling the last few days, Pansy returned to her cauldrons.
It was hours before she heard voices coming down the hallway once more. A man and a woman, again, but thankfully the dulcet and tedious tones of a certain blonde were not audible. Just as the couple entered, she recognized Daphne's twinkling laugh.
Looking up from the last cauldron to be mended, Pansy was surprised to see her best friend, never mind her companion. Pansy hadn't seen Ram in days- he had been as busy as her, setting up his classroom and lesson plans.
"Oh my goodness, Pansy you're"
"Daph!" Pansy jumped down from the stool she had lifted to get a better angle with the cauldron's weak spots. "You're here!" She ran to hug her friend, who backed up as she neared.
"My darling. You are… filthy."
Ram was standing to the side, chuckling to himself.
Pansy looked down at herself, her fitted work tank top was covered in streaks from metal and small scorch marks from the light welding work that had taken up her afternoon. She had clipped her hair out of her face hours ago, but Merlin knew what it looked like now- her serum charm would have worn off in the heat.
"I must say," Ram's warm accent interrupted, "I did not expect this from the prim society type I met in the Great Hall this week."
Daphne beamed with pride, looking over at him. "Oh she's always been this way, she just hides it better- usually."
Pansy playfully slapped Daphne's arm. "She's just jealous because she could never brew a potion to save her life, never mind mend a little cauldron."
Ram laughed, "Well I'm with Daphne, there."
Pansy looked between them. "Do you two know each other?"
Daphne gave Pansy a secret wink. "We do now! Ram was kind enough to escort me to you- as you weren't in the Great Hall or your quarters, the two places you had told me I could find you when I came to visit as you desperately pleaded for me to do."
Pansy grimaced in apology. "I might have lost track of time. I'll set you up with floo access to my rooms."
Daphne set down her structured purse and began walking around the classroom. "Pans, it looks incredible in here, did you do this, or did Slughorn somehow develop style in his later years?"
"Come on now, you know better than that."
Ram echoed Daphne's sentiments. "It looks very nice, Ms. Parkinson."
"Oh, so she's Daphne, and I'm still Ms. Parkinson?" Pansy flirtatiously teased Ram.
"Pansy."
"Better."
Daphne's voice chimed prettily from where she was wandering the desks. "Ram, join us for dinner, won't you?"
Ever polite, Ram insisted, "I'm sure you'd like to spend your time together alone."
Pansy glanced at Daphne, knowing when her friend was up to something, but played along. "No, no, I'm old news to Daphne, she's known me too many years, and she has a terrible need for the new and exciting. Please join us, or I'll never hear the end of it."
"It's true." Daphne agreed offhandedly, "Pansy did you make these little kits with the jars they are SO CUTE!"
Pansy winced so that only Ram could see. "Meet us in the front in twenty minutes? I just need to get cleaned up."
"As you wish," he said with a nod. Pansy turned to Daphne, who mimicked him as he left.
Pansy rolled her eyes at her friend who was evidently riding a high from being away from her children for once. "Come on, I'll let you ooh and ahh over my apartment while I get ready."
…
"I'm just saying," Daphne yelled over the sound of the shower, "he's handsome and single, and that accent, I just want him to read me a bedtime story, but like a dirty one, you know? Ooh, I love these little french doors!"
Pansy closed her eyes, enjoying the comforting sounds of Daphne and the slap of the shower washing away a good day's work. Ram was sweet, that was certainly true, but Pansy could already hear Draco ribbing her about their significant age difference. Ram hadn't stuck in her mind, haunting dreams and spare thoughts. She hadn't thought of him much since they'd met, she had to admit, but that was probably a good thing.
"You need a rebound, is all I'm saying," Daphne was continuing from the other room, "Oh Pansy, do you want me to cast an extension charm on your closet? Mine's gotten quite good. Oh, I'll just do it anyway. I'm just thinking he would be delicious as a sort of palette cleanser if you will, between entrees."
Laughing, Pansy finally emerged from the shower, casting drying and smoothing charms on her hair and applying her immaculately perfected "I didn't try at all" makeup look. Conjuring a shirt dress from her bedroom, she tied it on and sprayed a warm, floral scent onto her wrists. Walking into her bedroom, she found Daphne lying on the bed, flipping through one of the (multiple) textbooks that had been on a nearby shelf.
"I don't know how you, my very best friend, ended up teaching what was truly the worst, most boring subject of all time."
Pansy laughed, tying on a pair of white wedges. "You always liked potions!"
"Well sure," Daphne got up, straightening her own dress with a wave of her wand and returning the book to its place, "we got so up close and cozy with our potions partners!"
"You're terrible." Pansy shook her head.
"You love me." Daphne kicked up a heel to emphasize her adorableness.
"It's true- it's a curse."
"Ready?"
Pansy twirled, wordlessly asking Daphne's opinion.
"Absolutely delicious, if I were a man we wouldn't be leaving this room." Pansy laughed as Daphne linked their arms together and headed to the entrance to meet Ram.
…
As they walked to the apparition point in Hogsmeade, the girls asked Ram to apparate them to his favorite restaurant in London. He was hesitant, unsure what they would be comfortable eating, and Pansy remembered her half-lie of being terribly picky when they had met at dinner the other night.
"I'll eat anything," Daphne said, already a little loose and leaning on Ram, "And she just needs a good cocktail for dinner half the time." Merlin.
With a curious glance at her, Ram took out his wand and before they knew it they were at an upscale hotel bar, the usual plush barstools and booths and overuse of mirrors a dead giveaway. But the scents coming from the kitchen were something else altogether. As they were seated, Ram ever the gentleman pulling out Pansy's chair as the host did the same for Daphne, he told them about the place. "It's the five-star hotel closest to the Pakistani and Indian Embassies in London. There has been more peace and compromise found between those two groups, and the English, in this room than probably anywhere else in the world."
"It smells heavenly," Daphne added dreamily.
Ram leaned towards Pansy, "I've heard the cocktails are quite good."
Pansy smiled politely, thinking of Daphne's words and wishing she felt a tingle down her spine as she breathed in his cologne.
Ram ordered for them all, and Daphne convinced Pansy to get champagne cocktails with her. Daphne was tipsy after one and completely trashed by the second, Ram and Pansy laughing at and appeasing her in turn. Pansy felt herself let loose when she demanded Daphne stop drinking and got herself a real cocktail. She tried everything Ram had ordered, and it was all delicious. She couldn't stop eating, it seemed, as they all joked together. Ram wanted to know about wizarding life- and in return entertained the pureblood girls with fascinating anecdotes about muggle life. Pansy and Daphne teased each other about their pasts as only old friends with thick skin could do, occasionally appalling Ram with their more scandalous Slytherin party stories. Daphne shared stories and photos of her twins and they all cooed, and the two professors shared their anxieties for the school year, Daphne assuring them both of their brilliance and guaranteed success.
When Daphne's eyes began to droop, despite her insistence that she was fine, Pansy insisted on paying, "It's Draco's money, please let me spend it, it's my last revenge!" and Ram apparated them safely back to Hogsmeade.
"Come on darling, just up the hill and you can crash with me." Pansy tried to coax a now tipsy, tired, and emotional Daphne.
Not at all discreetly, Daphne leaned into Pansy's face and failed to whisper "I miss my babies and want to fuck my husssssband" Pansy blushed, pushing Daphne away and giving Ram a look of desperation.
"How about I send a patronus to her husband, would that perhaps solve things?"
Daphne grinned stupidly as Pansy held her up.
"You can do that?"
Ram smiled shyly. "Professor Potter showed me last year."
"That would be lovely, thank you. Blaise Zabini is his name."
Ram's Persian cat patronus zipped off to find Blaise and tell him to come to Hogsmeade Station and apparate his wife home, and the three of them sat on a bench Pansy conjured for them while they waited. Within minutes, Daphne had fallen asleep with her head on Pansy's lap, and the quiet, warm night settled around Pansy and Ram.
"This place is so much prettier than I remembered." Pansy mused, more than a little intoxicated herself.
"I imagine your memories of it are quite complicated." His voice was smooth and comforting. Pansy distantly wondered if being in his arms would feel that warm and safe.
Her thoughts were interrupted by a sudden cacophony of shouting and laughter from across the street. Under the yellow street lamps, Pansy could make out Potter, drunk and chatting with the unmistakable sounds of Weasley, who must have been visiting, Thomas and his shadow from school Finnegan close behind. Bringing up the rear of the group, Longbottom walked with Lovegood tucked under his arm, her arm wrapped around his back. Pansy suddenly felt acid in her chest- the heartburn from the spicy food and plethora of champagne, surely.
Pansy leaned over to quietly ask Ram, "Why aren't you out with them?"
Turning his head, bringing their faces too close together, Ram whispered back, "because I'm out with you."
Something felt caught in Pansy's throat, and she didn't know what to say- or do- suddenly aware of how visible they were on the bench as Longbottom glanced over at them from across the street.
With a crack, Blaise appeared in front of her, breaking the tension that hung in the air above the train tracks. He laughed with a familiar warmth as he spotted his drunk wife passed out on Pansy's lap. "Like old times, eh Parkinson?"
"Babbyy!" Daphne's voice was childlike and adoring as she opened her eyes, her arms reaching out to her husband as Pansy pushed her off of her lap and towards him.
Securing Daphne into his arms and brushing a kiss on Blaise's cheek, she told him to take her home and give her a Sobering Potion, and for god's sake do what he needed to do to those children so that she could sleep in tomorrow.
Blaise grinned. "Yes, ma'am," he agreed, and he held tight to Daphne as they disapparated.
"May I walk you back?" Ram held out his arm to Pansy.
Looping her arm in his, Pansy nodded gratefully. After the highs of dinner, the alcohol was settling into a soft, fuzzy kind of sadness in her mind. When they reached her door and the older man kissed her cheek, she mustered up the best smile she could, which turned out to be rather weak and bid him a sweet, but polite, good night.
As she lay in her four-poster, Stewart tucked close to her chest, she let herself silently cry, the champagne pounding through her veins and making her susceptible to all the things she kept at bay. Somewhere in her mind, a painful beat pounded. This is not what my life was supposed to be. I was supposed to have what Daphne has. She fell into a restless sleep, thinking, this is all wrong, and I don't think I can fix it.