Elizabeth gripped the steering wheel so tightly, her knuckles were white. Kim looked at the trees passing by the window, searching for something to talk about.
Elizabeth was silent on the drive, except for a Black Eyed Peas song on the radio. When they finally pulled in front of her apartment building, she shifted into park. They sat there without saying a word to each other.
Kim put her hand on the door handle, but hesitated. They were both shaken, but she worried for Elizabeth. Her eyes were wide as they swept across the trees outside. Kim couldn't blame her—the image of Embry staggering out from the trees and the shouts from the others about a bear made her nauseous.
After another awkward beat of silence, Elizabeth quietly said, "I'm sorry, I was basically worthless back there. I just..."
Kim nodded. "S'okay. It was...kind of intense."
Elizabeth laughed, but it was too high pitched. "Kind of?" She shook her head. "I just can't believe… I've never seen Embry act like that before. He was so scared. And then Jared…" She paused. "Sorry, I…"
"Yeah," Kim said, a lump lodged in her throat.
"Has he ever…talked like that before?"
"No. Well, not really, not until recently." Elizabeth waited for her to continue, but Kim found that she couldn't. Not like this. She wasn't sure how much to tell her. For some reason, she felt almost protective of Jared—even after all of this. Maybe it wasn't so crazy now for Maya to be so protective of Sam.
"Jared wasn't...like that until after he came back from his illness," Kim finally said. "You know, like Paul… And now Embry."
"Hmm, yeah," Elizabeth said. "Well, except for Paul. He was always kind of an ass." They both laughed quietly.
She turned to Kim. "If you need anything over break, call me. Seriously."
Kim's eyebrows rose. "You think something might happen?"
"I'm just saying. I saw the way Jared looked at you, and it worries me."
"O-oh." She didn't consider anyone else might have seen that. Now she couldn't even pretend it didn't happen or that it was all in her head. The concern was plain on Elizabeth's face.
Kim smiled weakly and said, "Thanks for the ride home."
"Of course. See you, Kim. Be safe."
Her mom was wroking another late night, and Kim came home to an eerie, empty apartment. It normally didn't bother her to be alone, but the dark stairway made her heart hammer in her throat, and she took the steps two at a time before slamming the front door behind her.
She had just finished turning on all the lights and pulling the blinds closed when the landline phone rang in the kitchen.
"Okay, spill," Maya had said as soon as she picked up. "What the hell happened tonight?"
"How…?" News traveled fast in La Push, but Maya was hundreds of miles away.
"Elizabeth told me."
Kim froze. She's never been inside the Mad River house on the edge of the reservation, nearly in Forks, but she knew it took a while to drive there. "Elizabeth told you?" she repeated.
Maya must not have heard the careful tone of her voice, because she bulldozed merrily along. "Yeah, she was there, right? I can't believe I miss everything the second I'm gone. Start from the beginning. And tell me everything. My dad and I are at a motel on the Canadian border and I'm like, so bored."
A sinking feeling fell from her heart and into her stomach. The taste of Maya's lie was bitter and distinct, but it only took a moment for her to decide if she would allow it. How could it be any other way?
"I...don't even know, um, where to even start?" She walked the cordless into the living room. She curled up on the couch, shivering. Her clothes smelled like smoke and her leggings were still wet, but she couldn't find it within herself to really care.
Embry's torn clothes. Jacob shouting. Embry crying.
Jared's dark eyes on her. His hot hands.
She swallowed.
Maya lowered her voice. "Is it true? Was Sam there?"
"Yeah. He was there," Kim said, her voice cracking. "Not for long. He came to…" Check on Embry? That sounded wrong. It seemed like Embry was trying to get away from him.
Then why did he follow Sam when he told him to?
"To what?"
"Pick Embry Call up," Kim responded weakly.
"Oh." She paused, then laughed. It sounded forced. Her excitement over the evening's drama seemed to wear off, her giddiness quickly morphing into concern. "I didn't even know they were that close."
"Jared was there, too."
"What?"
"Jared. He was there with Sam to get him."
"...What do you mean, 'get him?' Was he in trouble?"
"Embry was acting really strange. We were at the bonfire, hanging out when he appeared out of nowhere. Like, he walked out of the woods." She paused, but Maya remained quiet. "He was really freaked out about something. Charlie tried to talk to him, but he was just...I don't know. Being really erratic. Until…"
"Until Sam showed up at the beach?"
"Yeah. It was like - one second Embry was crying and the next he was leaving with him." Kim fidgeted with a loose thread from the armrest. "Jared did try to calm everyone down, but I don't think it worked very well. He was...really weird. Authoritative. Kind of like how he's been acting at school the past few weeks. Said to talk to Embry's mom if we wanted to know what was going on. Then we just...left after that."
Maya was silent before she took a deep breath in. "They were probably just hanging out. Maybe Embry got stoned or something, I don't know—"
"Maya, you weren't there," Kim said, sitting up. She tried to keep her voice steady. "Literally everything was fine one second, when Embry walks out of the woods the next, practically naked and Sam shows up out of nowhere to take him who knows where!" Kim paused to take a deep breath to steady herself, rubbing her palms on the top of her cold thighs to keep them from freezing. "He didn't look high, or drunk. I've seen him drink with Charlie and the guys, and he's never behaved that way before. He looked scared—like really scared."
Maya huffed, annoyed. "Maybe there was something in the woods that scared him, I don't know!"
There's something in there. We saw—something, I don't know what.
Rubbing her forehead, Kim said, "Have you been talking to Charlie, or something?"
"What? I—" Maya stammered. "Well, he did call me."
Kim closed her eyes and took a deep breath. I knew it.
"Before you get mad at me that I lied, all he said to me was that he heard some weird animal out in the woods with them. And that maybe that's what scared Embry..."
Kim shivered. Her wet, smelly clothes provided little warmth, and hot tea sounded really good about now. She got up, her limbs shaking. "Maya, I don't know what scared Embry, but something did. I don't know if I completely buy that his mom knows what's going on, and even if she did, why would she want Embry to hang out with someone like Sam?"
"Don't say that."
Kim grit her teeth together. "Say what?"
"'Someone like Sam'?! Sam...he isn't like that."
"Maya, I don't know why you won't talk about him." She walked into the kitchen and turned a stovetop burner on. "Not even with me."
Maya started talking a mile a minute. "I don't know what to say, Kim. I don't have all the answers. Is it weird that Sam was there? Maybe! But who am I to question where he is or why he's there. He's an adult and can make his own decisions. We're not even that close anymore..." She trailed off.
"When's the last time he even talked to you?" Kim asked gently, tucking her phone between her shoulder and cheek. She filled her mom's worn red kettle with water. It was old, probably from a yard sale years ago, and was burned black at the bottom from so many years of use. "First Paul, then Jared...now Embry. It's too weird. It can't just be a coincidence."
"So what, it's a crime to know Sam?!"
Kim put the kettle on the burner. "You could try talking to him. You guys used to be so close. And when all this stuff started going on, he dropped everything, started dating this new girl… Is that normal to you?"
On the other end, Maya breathed in deeply. "No. But, we, uh…well, we talked. Recently."
"You did? When? What did he say?"
Was Jared there?
"I went to his house. Last week. I didn't warn him or anything. I didn't even know he bought a house—Aunt Allison had to tell me."
Kim's heart broke for her—it wasn't like Maya to get super emotional, and it sounded like she was about to cry. Kim could count on one hand the times she'd seen Maya cry.
"I'm so sorry."
"It's whatever," Maya said, her voice shaking. "I don't even know why I went to Sam's house. It's just, it's been so long since I've seen him. And, I'm going to be gone for Christmas, I just… I thought…" She sniffled. "He was just so nice, you know. When he saw me, the first thing he did was hug me and—this is so bizarre—but he was hot. Like, his skin was on fire. He told me how much he missed me, but that it was dangerous to be out in the woods—which is stupid. We were raised in these woods—I know them better than he does, probably. I made a joke about a monster getting me, and he got super upset, as if I was being serious. I asked him if he was feeling sick because he was burning up, if that was why he wasn't around, and he literally told me that I shouldn't be there."
Kim tried to pay attention to all that Maya's ramblings, but her mind screeched to a halt.
His skin was hot?
Embry, you're burning up. You're on fire.
"When he said that, I just exploded—we started fighting. I guess I started it, but...he'd just disappeared. Even Aunt Allison is being super secretive, and she won't even tell anyone what he's doing at the Community Center. And you know, the Tribal Council isn't being totally honest—they meet, what, once, twice a month at most? Then why is it that Sam is having special meetings with the Elders all the time? He didn't answer any of my questions. He couldn't even look at me—ugh, it made me want to just slap him or something! He just told me I had to leave, and...that it was none of my business what he does. Who even says that? To your own family?
"Sam's not a bad guy, I don't care what everyone at school is saying," she went on, her voice wavering, on the edge of a sob. "But...to hear that from him, my best friend…" She trailed off.
Kim started when the kettle began to whistle. Taking it off, she set it on another burner and turned off the stovetop.
"You making tea?"
"Yeah. I… I'm so sorry, Maya."
"I know."
"I wish you were here."
"Me, too."
Kim grabbed a packet of tea, too tired to strain loose leaf tea, and poured the hot water over it in the mug. Taking the mug with her, she turned the kitchen light off and walked over to the couch.
Climbing onto the couch, she tucked her clammy legs under her and wrapped a blanket over her body. She should shower and change, but Kim was too tired.
Maya sighed. "Ugh, it's going to be a long winter break. You'll have to fill me in on all the drama I'll miss while I'm gone. Can't really rely on Charlie when he's about as informed as a rock…"
Kim forced a snort. Back to her regular self already. She decided to ignore it, and said, "hey, at least you get to be in another country while I'm stuck here, serving truckers and rude tourists."
"I guess when you put it that way..."
Kim smiled, rolling her eyes even though she couldn't see it.
They talked about classes, work, and Maya's road trip. She managed to convince her dad to drive and she almost hit a tree, which made him refuse to let her drive again.
Kim woke up on the couch with a warm hand on her forehead. It was early morning, and her mother ushered her off to bed with a gentle smile. She dreamed about dark woods and the creatures inside them.
Sue Clearwater's smile was the first thing Kim saw when she pulled into the parking lot on the Saturday before Christmas.
The reservation was small enough to drive just about anywhere in under five minutes, which always gave Kim enough time to make herself look semi-decent. Her long, black hair hung loose over her shoulders and she wore her favorite high-waisted jeans with a soft crew neck sweater. In hindsight, she probably could have dressed up a little nicer for the occasion, but because she was serving, she didn't try to put in any extra effort to look that nice.
"It's so good to see you!" Sue called as Kim walked up to her. "Did you get a car!?"
"No, Mom is letting me borrow hers today. I dropped her off at work."
"Tsch, she's working on a Saturday? I was hoping to see her and catch up."
Kim looked around at the other cars in the Community Center parking lot. "Must be a party in there today, huh?"
Sue winked at her. "You betcha. C'mon, I'll show you what we're doing today. Oh, I'm so excited!"
The first week of winter break went by too fast. When Kim wasn't working, she spent her days sleeping until noon and watching reruns of Law & Order: SVU. The night before the Winter Formal, Sue texted her that a few of the other volunteers couldn't make it, and if she could help the snack table, too?
"Are Leah or Seth going to stop by?" Kim asked, looking around at the gymnasium. An older couple were folding and gluing paper together for the centerpieces, murmuring quietly to one another.
"Oh, no, unfortunately not. I thought I could pressure Seth to come, but he wanted to play video games with his friends all day." She laughed. "Not that I'm surprised."
And Leah? she wanted to ask, but she only smiled back. She hadn't seen Leah in so long, and even though they weren't especially close, it would have been nice to see a friendly face. "That's okay. Well, I'm ready to help. Point me in the right direction!"
Over the next few hours, Kim cut snowflake centerpieces, and taped white and blue streamers on the tables. They even rented an inflatable snow globe, and shoved it in the corner with cardboard cut-outs of Santa and his reindeer.
It took a while before Billy Black joined them. When he caught sight of her, Kim quickly looked away before he caught her gaze.
Did he know about what happened at the bonfire?
It had been almost a week ago, but word must still travel even between grown ups, because when Billy saw her, it was difficult to read his expression.
Later on, a few older community members came to help, and the excited chatter rose as the time drew closer. Being the youngest there, she kept to herself and smiled politely when they said how happy they were to see her and asked if she's volunteering at the Spring Fling, too.
After the decorations were up, the sun set outside and the DJ queued up the music—"DJ" meaning a 13-year-old boy who skateboards around the Rez and blasts Limewire rip-offs from his phone. Thankfully, he was already given a pre-approved list of classic rock and holiday music that he was forced to play for the occasion.
As Kim helped set out the finger food and appetizers, she found out what Billy had been working on in the kitchen: smoked salmon bites and fried fish sticks. There was more than enough to go around, and then some. Her stomach growled at the sight, realizing she hadn't eaten since that morning.
"I see you're admiring my cooking," said a voice behind her. She turned to see Billy smiling up at her, his eyes kind. "Don't mind me. Even old guys like to be appreciated for their hard work in the kitchen once in a while."
"It looks great, Mr. Black," she said, smiling in return.
"You can try some—go on, I want to know what you think."
"Aren't they for the guests?"
"It's for everyone. You helped us old farts do most of the work. You deserve a break. C'mon now, don't be shy."
She hesitated a moment longer before grabbing a paper plate.
"Wow! This is really good!" she said maybe a bit too enthusiastically.
"I'm glad you approve! That's the Black family secret recipe." He winked at her. "Looking forward to the fishing season come summer. Let's hope the bluebacks are biting—they're huge this year. And be sure to try some of Tiffany Call's famous huckleberry lemonade—you don't regret it."
At Embry's mom's name, Kim's eyes widened, but Billy was already wheeling himself towards the table Sue and Harry Clearwater sat at. "I'll see you around, kiddo."
Does he know…?
Something in her gut told her he did, or at least knew some of what was going on. If he and the other council members were close with Sam, could they know more than they looked? She didn't even realize how often Sam was here until Maya mentioned it. There were multiple times when Kim drove by the Community Center and saw him outside, carving oars or canoes out of cedar. The best of them were shown off in the visitor's center
Grabbing a cup of lemonade, she sat behind the refreshment table and admired the decorations.
Growing up, she spent countless hours at the center during summer camps or clubs. Everything from the chipped walls to the stained floors reminded her of Girl Scouts and finger painting art shows.
It was at one of those summer camps that Kim and Maya became friends. They knew each other from school, but they grew closer during those long summer days sitting next to each other, sharing crayons and child-safe scissors.
Sam and Leah were there too, first as childhood friends then as flirty teenagers. Sam and Leah ran together like a name by itself.
And now he was with Leah's cousin.
Sue walked over with a smile on her face. "Kim, I'll be in the lobby collecting the tickets if you need me. There should be plenty of snacks, but if you run out, just grab them from the kitchen. Do you have any questions?"
Kim shook her head. "No, I think I got it."
Sue reached for her shoulder and gave it a light squeeze. "Thanks for coming here and doing this, Kim. It means a lot to see your face here!"
She forced a smile in return.
Watching her leave, Kim felt a pang of guilt. She wasn't sure when she stopped coming, just that one day she became so busy and got so caught up with work and school and the track team and applying for colleges that one day she just...stopped.
By 6:30, the Winter Formal was in full-swing. Though it looked more like a senior home than a dance, it was nice to see people in the community together. Toddlers ran around squealing and annoyed tweens sat scowling with their tables. A few people from her class were clustered together at the tables closest to the walls, but no one Kim was close to.
Most of the people who bothered to talk to her were parents of her classmates or distant cousins catching up. By the tenth time someone asked her, Kim was ready to make a T-shirt that read: Yes, I'm graduating high school this year. Yes, I'm applying to colleges. Yes, my mom is still a nurse. Yes, we're doing well. No, I'm not dating anyone.
Glancing to the door, her stomach dropped when she saw a group of familiar faces walk in. It was so dark in the gym that she nearly missed their entrances.
Sam Uley was greeted immediately with large smiles and hugs from the elders of the community. Beside him, it took a moment for her to recognize Emily Young. No one appeared to be awkward around her, not even Harry or Sue.
A strange defensive feeling flared inside her as she witnessed their pleasantries. How could they just stand there and be so casual? If Leah was here to see this, what would she think?
But she wasn't here, and who knew if she would ever show her face around the reservation again. It wasn't fair. Why should Leah be ashamed of what Sam did?
Jared stood awkwardly off to the side with a stiff grin and hands deep in his pockets. He wore dark blue jeans and a plain black shirt—dressed for the occasion, Kim thought and couldn't help but smile at the thought. He wore the same outfit everywhere now—so different from the graphic tees and skinny jeans he wore mere months ago.
Sam Uley came dressed in a traditional maroon cape that hung over his shoulders, either with an image of an orca on the back. Emily wore a simple dress with beaded, tribal jewelry and her hair in braids.
Even with her scars, she was still beautiful. This was the first time she saw her in person since the accident. It was too far away to see them clearly, but even from far away, the marks are noticeable.
Harry shook Sam's hand, ushering him and Emily into another room off to the side with Billy and another council member. Kim recognized it as the small conference room the Elders used for private meetings, remembering spending time-out there as a kid when she got in trouble. She tried not to make her staring so obvious, but she noticed Jared and Sue exchanged a few words. Sue smiled at him, talking excitedly, before gesturing at Kim.
Before she could react—like hide under the table or run screaming into the night—Jared locked eyes with her. Oh, god, now there's no pretending like I wasn't already staring like a creep.
Tearing her gaze from them, she tightened his hands into fists. It's going to be okay. He'll probably just avoid me like he always does, she reasoned as she sank lower in her chair. There's no way that Sue could've known—
Taking a deep breath to calm herself, she looked over at them again to see Sue approach the table again, thankfully without Jared.
"Having fun?" she asked.
Can you tell that I'm about to pass out?
"The music's good," Kim offered with a weak smile before she noticed the look Sue gave her. Sue looked at her curiously, as if there was something she wanted to say.
Kim hesitated a moment before asking, "Uh...Why are Sam Uley and Emily Young here?"
Sue waved it off, her friendly smile returning. "Oh, they're here to meet with some of the council members. I believe Sam and Emliy are going to get married soon."
"Oh," Kim said, stunned. She blushed at Sue's raised eyebrow. "It's just...they're, y'know…so young," she explained weakly. Totally has nothing to do with the fact that they broke your daughter's heart!
"Hmm," Sue hummed, smiling sadly. She paused a moment before saying, "Leah is going through a lot of pain."
Kim broke eye contact immediately, and began to twist her fingers in her lap.
"It's okay. I'll admit, it is a little awkward." She looked back up to see Sue's face, still kind, still sad. "I can understand people's bias towards Sam and Emily but they're good people. I don't fault him for what happened. It's never too young to change your mind and find the love of your life. Commitment can be scary, but it's worthwhile if your partner is your best friend."
Kim wondered how Sue could think that, when it very easily could have been Leah here, not Emily. But she wondered if maybe that was one of the reasons why Sue was so important to the community. She could look past the pain and focus on what was important.
"Like you and Harry?" she asked, voicing her thoughts, and Sue smiled wider.
"I'll have to tell you how he and I met one day," she said with a small laugh, as if they were sharing a joke. "I have to go now, but Harry will be upset if I don't grab a few of his favorites before they're gone." Taking a small plate full of food, she winked and walked away again.
Kim stood there a moment before she began to tidy up the table, keeping her hands busy as her mind wandered. Clearing the table of used plates and spills, she tried not to think about whether or not to tell Maya about Sam and Emily. She couldn't count on Maya being as mature as Sue about it, but would it be better to hear about it from a friend or a stranger?
Kim gnawed on her lip, mentally tallying up the pros and cons, when out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Tiffany Call approaching the refreshment table.
Tiffany was a young mother, her black hair cut to her chin in a severe bob and several piercings on each ear. Kim's mom and Tiffany were close when they used to live across the hall from each other in the same apartment building.
Things were a little weird now that Tiffany returned from the Makah tribe. She'd moved away very suddenly and without notice when Embry and Kim were still toddlers. She always wondered what happened between the two of them. They were friendly during track meets or at the grocery store, but it wasn't the same
"Hey, Kim! Why aren't you out there dancing?" Tiffany asked. She wore a baseball tee and jeans, the crow's feet on the corner of her eyes the only sign of age.
Kim laughed and walked right into her outstretched arms. After a short hug, Tiff leaned back to grip her upper arms, smiling down at her. She had to be the tallest woman in La Push, clearing most men at nearly 6 and a half feet.
"I'm volunteering. Got to make sure no one spikes the punch."
"Pft, there's no fun in that. We're all adults here—back in my day, we were allowed to drink at your age. It really livened these whipper-snappers up!" she said, wagging her finger. She laughed at herself. "Then again, it wasn't just a bunch of old farts. Did your friends think they were too cool?"
"It's winter break so most are probably...y'know...busy."
"Then where's that boyfriend of yours? Littlesea around?"
Kim tried to keep her cheeks from burning bright red. Tiffany could be a bit aggressive at times, and she had to remind herself that she meant well. "Oh, we're not together anymore. We're just friends now."
Tiffany brushed it off. "What about that other friend of yours—Maya Ismail? I thought she'd be here tonight. You guys are practically glued at the hip."
"She's in BC visiting colleges."
"So...no one's going to save you from that mysterious boy looking at you over there?" Tiffany said, jutting her thumb over her shoulder with a mischievous twinkle in her eye.
Kim felt her heart plummet. "What?" Against her better judgment, she peeked over Tiffany's shoulder.
At the opposite corner of the room, there Jared Cameron stood, brooding of course. He looked completely out of place, leaning against the wall, with muscles that looked like they were going to comically burst out of his shirt. How long has he been there?
"He's not really a 'mystery'," Kim mumbled, rolling her eyes.
Tiffany her eyebrows with delight. "Oh, ho! A lover scorned?"
"No—" Kim said a bit too quickly. "Not lovers. He barely even knows I exist."
"Kim, honey—I'm only going to say this once. Not as, like, a responsible mother or a respectable member of this community, but as a girlfriend: that boy has been sneaking glances at you all night." She punctuated with an exaggerated eyebrow wiggle.
Kim wanted to die on the spot. "Tiff, please."
"I'm just saying," she replied in a sing-song voice. "He definitely knows you exist. And the good news is you're single and ready to mingle!"
"You know, for someone who looks so young, your slang makes you sound really old," Kim grumbled.
Tiffany pretended to gasp, a look of hurt on her face. "Well, I never! You need to learn to respect your elders!"
She fought a laugh, and her eyes reflexively shot back to him. His gaze was forward, watching people dance, but he looked tense. Aside from when he first walked in with Sam Uley, it seemed like he wasn't there for any other reason other than to sulk.
"How's your mom?" Tiffany asked, drawing Kim's eyes away from him. She picked up a pinwheel sandwich, nibbling on it. Despite how casual she tried to look, Kim could tell that she was now avoiding her eyes.
"She's good. She works nights at the hospital now."
"Gross." Tiff licked her thumb before reaching for another. "I saw that she's still driving that beater around. You know she's had that car for twenty years? I'm surprised it's still running. She's not planning on giving it to you as a graduation present is she?"
Kim laughed and shrugged. "Eh, we'll see if it lasts the winter."
She snorted. Taking a cookie and stuffing it into her mouth, Kim struggled not to let her gaze wander. She thought back to the bonfire. Did Tiffany know…?
Only one way to find out.
Kim bit her lip. "So… Is Embry coming by later?"
If she wasn't already watching her closely, she might have missed the worry that pinched her brows.
"I–I'm sorry," Kim backpedaled. "It's just that, we...I…"
Tiffany shook her head. "It's fine, hon. Really. Everyone knows he's a mama's boy—though don't tell him I said that to you. I admit, it feels weird being here without him. He loves going to these things."
Kim hesitated before taking a deep breath in. It's now or never. "Um, Embry showed up at the bonfire before break, but I haven't really…seen him around since. Is he, um...is he okay? Is he sick?"
Tiffany took a moment before responding, a moment that seemed to drag out and silence the chatter and music around them. "Kim, I won't bullshit with you. I've known you since you were a baby. But you're a smart girl and I want you to hear this from me."
She took in a deep breath before continuing, and Kim's heart pounded in her chest.
"There are some things going on that's not easy to explain. It's on a need-to-know basis, and there are some things that even I am not privy to. I don't have all of the answers. But…" Tiffany's eyes slid to hers, "they may make an exception…because—"
"Miss Call," said a gruff voice from behind.
Standing with his arms tense at his sides, Jared scowled at them. Kim jerked away but Tiffany didn't appear to react to the interruption. She simply beamed at him as if nothing was wrong, meeting his gaze at eye-level.
"Oh, hello, Jared! So good to see you here," she said with a wide smile. Patting his arm, she whistled. "And look how grown up you are! Who told you you could grow taller than me? And what are these muscles!"
As if Kim didn't already want to die from mortification, now she was halfway to her grave. She didn't dare look over at Jared; his silence was very loud.
Tiffany stepped away "Well, I think that's my cue to leave!" she said in a high-pitched voice. "I'll catch you later! Kim, tell your mom I said hi!"
Kim watched her with a still heart, not sparing a glance over her shoulder as she walked out of the gym.
At her sudden absence, Kim's skin prickled.
School was safe, with fluorescent lights and classmates and rules.
Here, there was nothing keeping them apart. Here, it was dark, and the weak strobe lights flickered across the walls in time with the music. Most of the crowd had their backs to them. People were busy talking and dancing.
It was like they were in their own private world.
He was silent, and that silence hung heavy in the air.
There are some things going on that's not easy to explain.
Unsure of what to do with her hands, she turned back to the refreshment table. She restocked the plastic cups and reorganized them. A few kids ran up, grabbing cookies by the fistful before running off, and she quietly cleaned it without saying a word. Her pulse beat in her ear louder than the music, and while she tried to ignore the feeling of him watching her, she knew that if she looked directly at them, it'd be like looking at the sun.
'Looking at the sun?' Was she delusional?
"Are you this quiet all the time?" His voice was just under the sound of the music. Or maybe he was closer than she thought.
You're one to talk. Kim pressed her lips together in a tight line even as her heartbeat skyrocketed. Do you always butt-into conversations?
Tossing the trash in the bin, she turned to him when she felt like most of the heat left her cheeks. He was no longer looking at her, but stared at the ground.
"I guess you have to get to know me first." Her voice was so soft, she would be surprised if he heard her. "Maya would laugh if you told her I was quiet."
"Isn't she usually the loud one?"
She bit back a snort. "Good point."
They stood together silently again. He remained quiet as others approached the table, thirsty from all of their dancing. She served them drinks and food, feeling as if she was outside of her body, watching herself as she talked to acquaintances and friendly faces.
Why are you even here? Why talk to me?
She wiped her sweaty hands on the front of her jeans.
She noticed many of them spoke in hushed voices as they passed Jared, a few even staring at him outright.
Despite her frustration, guilt rocked through her. She didn't owe Jared anything—he'd been passive aggressive for weeks. But she could guess at what they were saying.
She anticipated the moment that he would interrupt their conversations and call them out, but he remained by her. She looked at him curiously out of the corner of her eye—surely he had better things to do?
She thought back to the bonfire, to Jared's firm words and frown. Her gaze drifted over to his hands and remembered the heat of his skin.
"So, where's Littlesea?"
Kim hesitated, trying to think of what he might be getting at. "Charlie?"
"Yes." He crossed his arms again, the muscles in his forearms captivating her for a moment. She quickly looked down at the plasticware in front of her. "You two seem...close. Is he here to help, too?"
This time Kim couldn't hold back her snort. Jared was either being really mean, or like most of the school, didn't realize things were actually over between them. When she and Charlie dated, the whole school knew because there were less than 30 people in their grade alone. Word went around when they broke up, too, but it was difficult to believe when Charlie won't leave her alone.
"No, he isn't here," she said, keeping her voice low as others grabbed snacks from the table. "And we're not together anymore. I'm...surprised you don't know that."
His hands tightened into fists. "I have more important things to worry about than who people are dating."
She bristled. "Then why bother asking?" she mumbled.
Kim forced a smile as a group of older women approached the refreshments, answering their questions about the food while doing her best to ignore him. When one of the women noticed Jared, she gaped at him.
"Oh, my," she said, looking at him over her glasses, "you're very...tall."
Jared's face gave nothing away. "Growth spurt."
"Hmmm." They shuffled away, whispering to each other.
Kim couldn't help but feel like a prisoner. She scanned the crowd. Tiffany was talking with a few other parents, and Kim couldn't see Sue anywhere. Whatever it was that the council members were doing with Sam and Emily, it was taking a long time.
She watched Tiffany for so long, she was sure she burned a hole into her head. Chewing on her bottom lip, she glanced over at Jared.
"Am I, like, on a watchlist now, or something?" she muttered sarcastically.
He scanned the room. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"You don't have anything better to do than babysit me?"
He quirked an eyebrow down at her. "Depends on why you're here."
Pft. Does it?
"I'm volunteering. Sue asked me. There were others, but they bailed, so…" She gestured to the table.
"This is the first time I've seen you volunteer here."
She cocked her head. "And how often do you come here?"
"Often enough."
Wait, was he...actually answering her questions? She decided to play along and see how far she could push it before he closed back up again. "How did you get roped into this?"
"I'm just here to do a favor for a friend." His voice sounded especially gravely, although it could be her imagination.
She swallowed nervously. "Wi-with, uh, Sam Uley?"
He didn't reply. Figures.
"I saw you came here with him. And Emily." She noted his deep frown. "Are you...a part of the wedding party or something?"
His voice dipped so low, she struggled to hear him over the music. "Do you know how frustrating you are?"
Kim was taken aback. "Wh-what? Why?" she sputtered.
"Why do you feel like you have to know everything?" His choppy hair fell out from behind his ear and he ran a hand roughly through to tame it. His shirt rode up slightly, revealing a thin sliver of skin just below his belly button. "Maybe there's a good reason not to just go and blabber our business all over the Rez. When so many people already have their own judgements they want to cast on us. You don't think that we have a good reason for it? Sorry that I don't feel like explaining myself to you. It's annoying."
"Wow. Can't imagine what that must feel like." The words fell out of Kim's mouth faster than she could think. Because if she'd given herself more than a moment to consider her words, she might've seen the burning look in his eyes.
This was the most Jared has ever spoken to her—possibly even counting before he got sick.
She was more wound up by this than she originally thought—they both were.
The passion flickered in his eyes, and when his whole body angled towards her, his back to the rest of the room and blocking her from sight, the mood shifted.
The pull to him was immediate and intense, and resisting it felt wrong. Like she was stupidly ripping out pages of the future as an act of pure defiance. That every moment that went by not doing what her body screamed to do went against everything inside of her. She had to take a full step back before she did something she knew she'd regret—like lunge at him. She didn't dare picture what she'd do if she touched him.
Kim turned away. "Go babysit someone else."
Her cheeks were still inflamed—it felt like she'd been slapped. Try as she might, she couldn't block out the look in his dark eyes or the heat of his words.
Embarrassed, she turned to the full trash cans beside them. Taking the bags out, she tied a knot and replaced both of them with empty bags with her hands shaking slightly.
Before she could pick them up, a hand shot out and grabbed one. Kim nearly jumped back at the surprise to avoid touching him. He was close enough for her to feel the heat radiating from his body.
"I got it," he said flatly.
Her eyes drew to the muscles under his shirt. Kim bit the inside of her cheek to keep from arguing, and picked up the lighter trash bag.
As they walked out the back door and into the parking lot behind the Community Center, her heart picked up the pace. In the darkened gym, she could pretend it was all in her head—that none of this mattered—but when they were outside of the building, it was impossible to ignore.
The sun long gone, Kim shivered in the cold night air. The woods behind the Community Center barely kept the ocean air at bay, and the tops of the trees already had a smattering of snow on its branches. She could feel his presence—his heat—easily keeping up with her. Her shoes crunched the dead leaves on the ground, his echoing softly behind like a ghost.
Tossing the bags in the garbage can, she rubbed her cold hands together to get some feeling back in them. He threw his in after hers, and she turned back to the building, hurrying back inside.
I'm just really cold, she reasoned with herself as her hand touched the handle. I'm definitely, totally not running away from him.
"Hey," Jared called out. "Hey—wait."
She stopped right before the concrete steps. "I have a name."
He was much closer than she thought he was. When she turned to face him, he was barely a foot away and she almost tripped when she took a step back.
"Kim," he said, his voice teetering just below what she could hear. All the air escaped out of her lungs. "Why do you careso much?"
Kim balked up at him. Was he not at the bonfire? Did he not see the fear in Embry's eyes? He wasn't ignorant—there were even more whispers now, with both Sam and Jared squarely in the middle of it.
"I'm just...surprised you guys would show up here," she said. "After what happened with Embry."
"So this is about Embry?" Jared's eyes searched hers, his shoulders tense. His gaze was now…earnest, thoughtful.
But looking into his eyes, she could only speak the truth. "Not entirely," she said, quietly, "I'm worried about you, too."
It didn't feel as scary as it should've been. In all of Kim's romantic daydreams, she never imagined she would say it to him like this.
His shoulders fell. "I thought that you were…scared of me."
Kim hesitated, tugging her sleeves over her hands. "Should I be?"
His face was unreadable. "No."
A breeze wafted through the trees and she crossed her arms over her chest. He was so tall that she had to tilt her head back to see him clearly.
The streetlight behind him glowed like a halo, the shadow obscuring his features from view, and she had to resist the sudden urge to brush another curl that strayed on his forehead. He might be tall, but not too tall for her to reach for him, to touch his face.
The pull from earlier was still there, coiled and waiting.
She didn't have time to wonder if Jared felt it too, because his eyes dipped down to her mouth once, then twice, and lingered there. Her breath hitched.
"I should go inside," she said barely above a whisper. She turned to climb up the stairs to the door.
Just as she opened the door a crack, Jared reached out and pushed the door closed again.
His sudden and silent appearance up the concrete steps caused her to nearly lose her balance. He grabbed her elbow to steady her, and she crashed right into his chest.
The heat of his body in contrast to the cold winter air was so extreme that it almost felt like he'd actually burned her. She stuttered out a string of "oh no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" even as she scrambled to create some distance between them.
"Hey, it's okay," he said, his voice strained.
His hand was still on her elbow, and even through her sweatshirt, she could feel how warm it was. His hold was firm, but all she could wonder was how he was so warm?
There was barely space between them as they both stood in front of the door. Kim's hand shook as she hesitantly put it on top of his. His bare skin scalded her frozen fingers.
They both watched as she grabbed his wrist, and his fingers let go as she slowly pulled it off. Her hand was still shaking as she held his wrist in a vice grip.
"I'm sorry," he rasped. "I was just—you were about to fall…" His warmth breath washed over her and she shivered again. "I shouldn't have grabbed you like that. It's just—it's just that I wanted to stop you a second. And apologize for the other day. At the bonfire. And for everything else."
"I thought you said we could ask Tiffany what happened," she said, her voice far away. She licked her chapped lips. "Remember? You said we could ask her."
He breathed in deeply, and it must all be in her head, but it almost seemed like he was trying to breathe her in. "Now's not the right time," he sighed.
A burst of incredulous laughter left her lips. "And when is the right time? When Embry comes back, all quiet and mysterious? Like Sam? Like you?" He didn't respond. "It's not just me asking these questions, you know."
"I don't care about them, I care about—" He pressed his lip together into a hard line. "I know you have a lot of questions. I know you care about him. But I'm asking you to trust that he's okay."
"I don't." It came out as a whisper. "I don't trust Sam."
"Then trust me," he said. "I won't abandon him. I won't leave him."
She couldn't think. Her mind raced and she noticed her breathing was erratic. Should she trust him? How could she, when he looks at her like he hates her when he thinks she doesn't notice?
He wasn't looking at her with hate now. Now, he was leaning closer, almost subconsciously. His breathing was getting heavier, too, and she felt her back slowly press against the cold door.
The pull dipped below her bellybutton, and she could feel herself grow hot despite the cold. He was too close—and she didn't care. She wanted it. God—being so close to him, her skin felt like it was vibrating. She didn't want to release his warm wrist, and he didn't look like he wanted her to.
Am I the only one feeling this way?
In the nightair, the lights from inside shone on the blacktop like gold fingers. Shrouded in darkness, the blue sky and white moon muted them like they were ghosts. The smell of the salty air and wet leaves melded together with a different scent, one of warmth and wood.
She could...smell him? Kim took another shallow breath, and felt her cheeks begin to burn. Out here, away from the loud noise and the smell of food, the smell was at first like a soft caress, then like a punch. He smelled good, really good.
Could he feel it, too? It certainly seemed like he could. His nose flared in return and his lips parted. It didn't feel like their bodies were leaning towards each other, but like magnets drawn together.
When Jared's gaze dipped down to her mouth again, her stomach flipped. Glancing down at his own lips, they were slightly parted and for one wild moment, Kim really, really thought he was going to kiss her.
Another gust of wind blew at them and strands of Kim's hair swirled around her face, getting caught in her lips and eyelashes. His hand reached for her and bursts of warmth shot across her cheek as the backs of his fingers caressed it softly. He gently brushed her hair out of her face, a look of desire painted so obviously across his face, it felt more intimate than a kiss.
As soon as the word kiss entered her mind, her imagination went wild. Picturing it, imagining how hard or soft it would feel. How warm it would make her, inside and out.
He closed his eyes, completely still except for the slight tremor in his hand. She loosened her grip, waiting with wide eyes to see what he will do, if he will…
And if he does—?
She would let him.
In an instant, Jared leaned away from her. He looked down at her, his lip now drawn together tightly and his eyes guarded.
"Can I have my hand back?" He sounded hoarse.
Kim released her hold and Jared waited a beat longer, his fingers still lightly touching her cheek before it fell away, too. She shivered at the loss of contact.
"You're cold," he murmured. He jutted his chin to the door. "I won't stop you this time."
She pulled the cuffs of her sweater over the slight tremor of her hands, opening the door and quickly darting inside.
Once they were back inside, she'd barely made it two steps inside the gym when Jared passed and walked briskly ahead of her without another word, his hands fisted at his side. She glanced over at the front door where Sam Uley and the others stood, back from their private meeting.
They looked overjoyed, talking excitedly to one another, and she saw Sue beam at Sam and Emily. He was holding Emily's hand tightly in his own, stopping mid sentence to kiss the back of it. Emily blushed.
Once Jared returned to the group, he clapped Sam's back. They exchanged a few short words. Kim looked away when Sam looked over at her with searching eyes. What did he tell him? Her heart dropped.
She watched Sam return back to his conversations, ignoring Jared as he stood awkwardly off to the side. Harry patted Jared on the shoulder, but after a couple words, let him be.
Kim continued to watch, unable to take her eyes off of Jared. She could still feel the warmth of his fingers as the group hugged goodbye, as she watched Jared leave with them, not even turning to look at her.
A/N: Chapter title inspired by "Incinerate" by Sonic Youth.
Thank you so much for all of the lovely reviews! They mean a lot, and I love reading your thoughts! We're going to see a bit more of Jared from this point forward. He can't seem to stay away from her for very long. :-) See you all next week!