25th December cont'd
I looked to Dumbledore who shook his head and said, "Lets enjoy our puddings!"
That was all I needed: A horrible prophesy to lurk over my conscience for however long it takes for them to tell me, "Professor Dumbledore, is there something I'm supposed to know?"
Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall exchanged a glance, long enough for me to know it was them who held these secrets. The room was silent.
"Can someone please enlighten me?" I felt myself becoming frustrated, and a little sick at the horrible thoughts running through my head.
"There is nothing to tell, dear." McGonagall replied. None of the teachers seemed to be able to look at me. This is something I expected Snape to be wallowing in, something else for him to tease me about. But no one said anything.
"I'm no longer hungry. Please excuse me." I stood and pushed my chair in.
Trelawney let out a gasp, nearly falling off her chair, "My dear, you were the first to rise."
"Yeah, but I've to hear the worst news of my life first, and then the second worst news of my life and then I have to keep strong, but maybe I won't and then I'll die. Merry Christmas, everyone." I stormed out of the Great Hall, and didn't stop until I got to the Common Room.
"You look like you've been-" Sir Cadogan couldn't just keep his mouth shut, could he?
"Scurvy Cur."
"Do you need me to fight anyone?" Sir Cadogan jumped off his pony and raised his sword. He was a little unsteady on his feet.
I stared at him. He opened the door.
I took a seat in front of the fire to think about what the prophesy could mean. Two people out of the twelve at the table would bring me the worst news of my life. Dumbledore and McGonagall will undoubtedly be involved in that conversation. I also had my suspicions of the rest of the teachers. Why would they sit so quiet, why did no one make a snide comment about Trelawney and how… inaccurate most of her 'prophesies' have been. Like for goodness sake, she predicted Harry's death and McGonagall told him it was nonsense. This time it was different. I started to panic. What if I got kicked out of Hogwarts? What if I lost all my friends? What could be worse than that? I imagined living a life in which I had to pretend my time at Hogwarts never existed. I imagined losing all my friends. I know I can be stupid at times and say the wrong thing… Oh Merlin, what if I lost everything?
At that moment, Harry and Ron made their way through the portrait. I jumped to my feet. "Harry! Ron! I'm so sorry for being such a bad friend, please forgive me!"
"Woah!" Ron was taken aback.
Harry took a step forward, "What's gotten into you? You don't believe in that prophesy, do you?"
"You're not dying, are you?" Ron added.
"Oh Merlin, oh Merlin, oh Merlin." I really was panicking, I felt my hands shaking.
"Of course not, Ron, you know exactly what Trelawney predicted with me, it was a load of drivel." Harry then looked at me, "You don't believe her, do you?" he asked.
"I just don't ever want to lose either of you, you're my best friends!" I hugged both Harry and Ron, something I rarely did, I think they both liked their personal space, so they knew I was being serious.
"Don't worry about it!" Harry spoke.
Ron grimaced, as though I was his extremely old, wrinkly grandmother, "Yeah, what he said."
The portrait door opened again.
"'Mione, I-" but Hermione wasn't alone, Professor McGonagall climbed in after. My heart nearly pounded out of my chest. Professor McGonagall only came into the common room to deliver bad news.
"Professor! I'm so sorry for the way I acted downstairs, please don't punish me…"
"I'm not going to do anything of the sort." McGonagall looked above her glasses at me, and then her eyes focused on Harry.
"I've come to see Mr Potter about his new broom." She said calmly.
I saw Hermione take a seat in the corner, lift a book and cover her red face. The book was upside down. What had she done?
"May I?" McGonagall gestured to Harry, who had now picked up the broom to show it off, McGonagall investigated, "Hmmm, and you didn't receive a note, at all? No card? No message of any kind?"
I somehow knew where this was leading.
"No…" Harry said, blankly.
"I see…" McGonagall said, "Well, I'm afraid I will have to take this, Potter."
"W-What? Why?"
"It needs to be checked for jinxes," McGonagall explained, "I daresay I'm no expert, but Madam Hooch and Professor Flitwick will strip it down."
"Strip it d-down?" Ron gulped.
"It shouldn't take more than a few weeks." McGonagall made her way towards the exit.
Harry was disgusted, "There's nothing wrong with it, Professor! Honestly!"
McGonagall turned around, "I'll keep you informed, Potter." Then she left.
"What did you go running to McGonagall for?"
"Because I thought, and McGonagall agrees, that broom was probably sent by Sirius Black."
Both Ron and Harry, too infuriated to deal with Hermione thundered up the stairs towards their dorm. It was going to take a lot for Hermione to get back in their good books after this stunt.
She started crying.
Hermione never cried. I understood how difficult it must have been for her, but she had the best of intentions. I tried to comfort her.
"Y-You're not going to leave me, are you?" Hermione sniffled.
"Of course I'm not! Hermione you're my best friend, I'm always here for you, I hope you'll never forget that!"
3rd January 1994
Everyone came back from their holidays last night. It was great to hear voices other than those of disagreement and sorrow. Everyone was so tired after the long journey from Kings Cross and quickly returned to their dormitories for class the next morning. Harry was still furious and Ron had yet more ammunition against Hermione, other than pets.
The worst thing was, the boys started arguing with me. Harry spoke with anger the other night when he said, "I thought you'd be on my side, Kathryn"
"Yeah, why are you hanging around with her, after all she'sdone?" Ron added.
"Hey! I'm not taking sides! I understand your frustration but I also understand Hermione's concern. I do not want to be in the middle of this…" I defended myself.
"After all we've been through…" Harry sighed and hung his head in shame, he couldn't look at me.
He hated me for being stuck in the middle and not hating on Hermione. "I'm always here for you, both of you! I want to be friends with you all!"
"You can do one." Ron stabbed and turned his back, the two boys left me alone in the common room to pick up the pieces of my heart that had just exploded. One of my worst fears had happened and two of my friends hated me.
Classes started back this morning with Care of Magical Creatures with Hagrid and Salamanders. Our class consisted of collecting dry sticks to keep the bonfire alight for the heat-loving creatures. Hagrid seemed to be coping a lot better with the news about Buckbeak which was relieving.
My next class was Muggle Studies with Hermione. She was hauling around a pile of books and a full bag that looked like it could rip if any more strain was placed upon it. She was taking far too many classes. It was in this particular class where I first had a conversation with her. The topic of discussion was Muggle electricity and what it was used for. We were good at this one, shouting out answers, including, TV, telephones, ovens, lights, cookers and washing machines. The rest of the students were staring with jealousy at our knowledge. I enjoyed having a class where I felt like Hermione and knew stuff. At one point, Ernie MacMillan actually said, "Can you two give the rest of a chance?" Hermione and I couldn't help but laugh, we knew he was joking. I think they were glad of us because we always gave them hints and tips in our assignments. I had made a few new friends which was nice.
Our final class of the day was Defence Against the Dark Arts which was as delightful as it could be. Ron, who usually sat beside me in this class, decided to sit beside Harry on the seat in front. He really did hate me. At one point Lupin caught eyes with me and I mouthed, "You okay?" and he smiled and winked back. He looked terrible, but at least he was back on form again.
Hermione and I overheard the boys talking about Lupin saying, "What d'you reckons the matter with him?"
Hermione tutted.
"What are you tutting at us for?" The attitude in Ron's voice would have gotten me a clip around the ear from my parents. He was well out of line.
"Nothing." Hermione answered quietly, heaving her bag over her shoulder and lifting the books.
"Yes, you were," Ron challenged, "I said I wonder what's wrong with him and you-"
"Well, isn't it obvious?" Hermione said sounding superior, clearing having had enough of his cheek, too.
"Well, if you don't want to tell us, don't."
"Fine." Hermione said, as the two of us marched off together towards the library to get started on homework. She needed to go to the common room which was our code for 'I have to use my Time Turner' so she turned up to the library what seemed like five minutes after I arrived, but she looked a whole load more tired.
"'Mione," I asked, "do you know about L-"
"Yes, I've known from that class with Snape… How do you know?"
"I guessed." I told half the truth, so as to not break Lupin's confidence.
After I had finished all my work, (that I could bare to do in one night) I returned to the Common Room alone. Hermione had too much work to do and there was nothing I could help her with as I have no clue about Ancient Runes and Arithmancy. I also got stared out of the Common Room by Ron. It really wasn't fair for him to treat me like that, especially when I really hadn't done anything wrong. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don't know how much more I can take of this. I had nothing better to do other than go to bed.
Then I started to think about the prophesy…
17th January
We have been back into the regular school routine for two weeks now and the scene with Harry and Ron still hasn't changed. The development on why they hated me so much is because I hadn't stopped her from telling McGonagall, and that was purely my fault. Not that I could of when I didn't know. Not that they took the time to listen to my side of the story. Not that they had talked to me other than that.
Ginny told me to ignore them and that they would come around when they wanted something. She even attempted to talk to him for me, but was barked at and was told to keep her nose out. Then she began to feel a teeny bit of how I felt. She had her own friends and homework to do, too, so I felt like a bit of a spare part…
I thought about it, but there really wasn't anything that Hermione could have done to diffuse the situation. If the broom is cursed or is damaged or Harry can't ride it, I predict war. It won't be pretty. I really felt like I was going to crack up. I needed to get out of the Castle, but wasn't allowed (I had tried and got caught). I felt trapped. I had the awful routine of doing homework, having no one to talk to, returning to bed and thinking about all the bad things happening in my life right now. My nightmares had even restarted. I was a mess. Hermione was so immersed in her work, she was surrounded by books, charts, parchment and an empty box of chocolates I had tried to win her over with. She began snapping at anyone who talked to her. Including anyone who tried to get her to move her books, told her off about the mess and told her to go to bed or take a break. Soon I became a regular recipient. It was really getting me down. I tried to tell her about how I was feeling, but there was no point…
2nd February
It has now been a month since everyone returned from the holidays and I felt more alone than ever. I had noticed that Gryffindor Quidditch practices were now up to five times a week and Ron was sometimes sitting on his own. But the one and only time I sat beside him I immediately regretted as he used some foul language to describe me and got up and left. It took everything I had not to cry in the middle of the common room.
I handed in my essay to Professor Burbage today entitled, "Explain why Muggles need electricity". The base of my essay being that Muggles don't have magic. It is a complicated topic when you think about it. I thought about what would happen if I left Hogwarts and couldn't use magic, I just don't think electricity would cut it.
I climbed the stairs towards the common room after class to notice Neville standing there, flustered. "Have you changed the password again, Cadogan?" I challenged. The portrait and I had now built up some form of rapport, Merlin my life has become so depressing.
"No, missy, this one has forgotten the password." He teased.
"I've lost my list of passwords…" Neville looked like he could pull his hair out, checking pockets and bags, "I must have dropped it somewhere!"
"Don't worry, its Oddsbodikins!" I smiled at him, helping him repack everything back into his bag. Cadogan reluctantly opened the portrait door and let us in. We were greeted by a number of people surrounding Harry and his broom.
He got it back.
"Thanks be to Merlin!" I spoke aloud, so relieved everything seemed to be alright again.
Everyone was asking where he got it and who from and if they could fly it, touch it or watch him ride it. Oliver was standing at the front, claiming that Ravenclaw had no chance in their match on Saturday. The Firebolt was passed from person to person for twenty minutes. The only person in the room not surrounding Harry was Hermione who had her nose stuck in her books, as usual.
When everyone had dispersed, Harry approached Hermione, "I got it back!" he was so happy, grinning like a Cheshire cat.
"See, Hermione? There wasn't anything wrong with it!" Ron commented.
"Well, there might have been…" Hermione corrected, "I mean, at least you know that it's safe."
Ron then went upstairs with the broom, holding it like a precious artefact to leave it in a safe place and to give Scabbers his rat tonic. I didn't know Scabbers needed a tonic, he must be really sick…
Harry and Hermione made pleasant conversation. She even allowed him to take a seat. Not once did either of them look at me.
The next thing we heard a strangled yell coming from the boy's staircase. The whole common room fell silent at the horrified look on Ron's face. He was dragging his bedsheet. I hurried over to the table towards the other two.
"LOOK!" he roared, coming over to the table.
"Ron? What?"
"SCABBERS! LOOK! SCABBERS!"
Hermione looked utterly bewildered. Then I saw why.
"BLOOD!" Ron roared into the silence, "HE'S GONE! AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT WAS ON THE FLOOR?"
"N-no!" Hermione was shaking.
Ron threw down ginger hairs on top of Hermione's rune homework.
"Oh no." I said. My eyes couldn't believe what I was seeing.
"YOU." Ron pointed his finger at me, "IT WAS YOU."
6th February
I told Ron time and time again that it wasn't me who put Scabbers and Crookshanks in the same room together. I really wouldn't be that stupid. But he wouldn't listen. No one would take time to listen to my side of the story. Hermione didn't even stand up for me as she was sitting in the corner as normal doing homework. It was her flipping cat!
I felt unbearably alone today, I went into my dorm and started packing my bags. I had no idea where I was going to go, but I couldn't stay here any longer. Not where I wasn't wanted and certainly not where anyone wasn't going to listen. I was afraid of what I could do, of what this prophesy had made me become. I could probably walk straight out of the common room completely undetected and walk out of the front door of the castle and straight to the Dementors where they could lock me away if they wanted. I really couldn't care anymore.
I have lost everything.
I trailed my trunk behind me, as I made my way towards the portrait half an hour later.
"Hey! Where are you going?" George Weasley grabbed my hand.
"Anywhere but here." I said, shaking his hand out of mine as I continued walking.
George ran after me as I climbed out the door, "Kathryn! What's wrong?" he said as I was half way down a flight of stairs.
"I can't do this anymore, George."
His eyes were full of concern, "What do you mean?"
"I can't live like this anymore." I tried to stop myself crying.
He pulled me into a hug, whispering, "Please tell me what's wrong..." he took my hand and carried my trunk back up to the top of the stairs.
"On Christmas Day Trelawney made a real prophesy about me, saying that two people out of the twelve at the table were going to tell me two pieces of the worst news of my life. I had to remain strong because it was either going to make or break me. I've tried to be strong George, but I can't do it anymore." Tears were now in full flow; I couldn't hold it in.
"What's happened?" he asked, rubbing my arm.
"Ron h-hates me, Harry won't t-talk to me and H-Hermione is too busy for me and between the three of them, I'm being completely ig-ignored. I've done n-nothing wrong! They won't listen to anything I s-say! They've all been so mean and now I'm being ac-accused of killing Sc-Scabbers and…"
"Shhhh…" He tried to comfort me.
"I'm h-having n-nightmares again… I need to get out of here before something r-really bad happens…."
"Come with me." George put an arm around me and guided me towards McGonagall's office.
"N-No! George! P-Please! I d-don't want to t-talk to her!"
He knocked on the door and walked in before she had the chance to answer.
"I need to use your chimney." He said.