2nd September

We were all handed our new timetables this morning at breakfast. Today we have Herbology first thing with Care of Magical Creatures after. Harry and Ron had double Divination and Hermione had double Arithmancy after lunch. I didn't have any classes scheduled. Instead, I noticed that I had Muggle Studies on a Wednesday afternoon when the boys were free and Hermione had Study of Ancient Runes. I realised that I might actually get some peace and quiet to get work done in those two hours.

"Oh, Miss Pink," Professor McGonagall stopped beside me and handed me a letter, "Please arrive at my office before 2 o'clock, I don't want you disturbing my first year class." Her eyes scanned me up and down, "All will be explained in the letter!"

"Thanks!" I said but I wasn't sure I meant it.

Ron looked quizzically at me, "What was that all about?"

We got up from the table and headed down to Greenhouse three, "I'm evidently in trouble already and we haven't even had our first class yet!" I joked, not sure if I was ready to tell him about seeing a psychiatrist yet, with the comment he had made last year. I'm not nervous about it, I know the drill of what happens now. I sit down, they ask questions and I answer. Don't get me wrong though, hours of therapy helped me before and I know I need help now.

By the time Ron had finished speculating on all the things I must have done to deserve a detention on my first day, Professor Sprout showed us all the world's ugliest plants.

"Bubotubers," Sprout answered the question on everyone's mind. They looked more like thick black slugs than plants, each with a load of what looked like pus filled boils for us to squeeze. "You will collect the pus-"

The look of disgust on Seamus' face said it all, "The what?"

"Pus, Finnigan, pus," Professor Sprout repeated, "and it's extremely valuable, so don't waste it. Collect the pus in these bottles. Wear your dragon-hide gloves, it can do funny things to the skin when undiluted, Bubotuber pus."

I put my gloves on and got stuck in. There was something very satisfying about popping each boil, it was as though squeezing spots on someone else's greasy face. I loved the smell of the contents, as it gave off fumes like petrol.

"You're so weird, Kathryn," Lavender watched me as I squeezed the last boil on my plant, "you look like you're actually enjoying yourself."

"That would be because I am enjoying it, Lav." I answered and she gave me the rest of her plant to squeeze, "I'm currently imagining all the people I don't like and squeezing the life out of them." I said a little too loudly which got mixed reactions from those around the room including a few nervous laughs.

"Erm… Hagrid?" I said as nicely as possible, I was looking down at a Blast-Ended Screwt in our Care of Magical Creatures class. The creature looked like a shell-less lobster, light pink in colour and rather slimy with legs sticking out at all ends with no obvious head. A few girls in the class let out a yelp as sparks flew out of the end of the Screwt and it propelled forwards a few inches. Our task is to raise the beasts, first off to find out what sort of food they eat, "Where is its mouth, so we know where to give it food?"

"More importantly, what do they do?" Draco butted in, "then I'll decide if I want to feed it or not."

Hagrid opened his mouth, baffled by Draco's rudeness, "Tha's next lesson, Malfoy. And I've never had 'em before so I'm not sure, Kathryn."

Dean yelled out in pain as he received a burn when the end of the Screwt blasted. I looked at Hermione who stared back at me.

"Eurgh, Hagrid…" Lavender pointed at her Screwt, "what's that pointy thing on it?"

"Some of 'em have got stings," Hagrid began, Lavender's hand retreated in a flash, I looked down at the Screwt in the box in front of me, it did not have a stinger like hers, "I reckon they're the males… the females've got sorta sucker things on their bellies… I think they might be used ter suck blood." Hagrid spoke excitedly.

"Well now I can definitely see why we're trying to keep them alive." Draco said sarcastically.

I couldn't help myself but snort. Hermione shot me a dirty look.

"Just because they're not very pretty, doesn't mean they're not useful." She snapped at Draco, "Dragon's blood's amazingly magical, but you wouldn't want a dragon for a pet, would you?"

"They're small now" Hermione said to Ron as we headed up to lunch, "I expect they'll be at least six feet long."

"But that won't matter if they turn out to cure seasickness or something." Ron joked.

Hermione replied, "You know perfectly well I only said that to shut Malfoy up. As a matter of fact, I think we should stamp on the lot of them before they start attacking us all…"

As we sat down at the table in the Great Hall, I lifted out my letter, finally getting a chance to read it. McGonagall had arranged my first session with Maura at 2pm today and I was to travel by the Floo Network to get to the correct address. Apparently all I needed to say was 'Maura Jane Crothers' office'. Starting to get slightly nervous, I turned to show the letter to Hermione, but she had already wolfed down her lunch and had made her excuses to go to the library. I looked up at Ron and Harry who were sitting opposite me, looking as confused as I felt. We didn't even have any homework yet…

I headed to McGonagall's office five minutes early. Standing outside were first year Gryffindor and Hufflepuff Students all looking incredibly small and frightened. "Don't look so scared!" I said to a little girl with long straight blonde hair and pink cheeks as I was lifting my letter out of my schoolbag at the door, "Transfiguration is fascinating, you'll love it!" I knocked on the classroom door and let myself in.

"Miss Pink," McGonagall entered the classroom through her office door, "I have everything set up for you, and here is a little bag of Floo Powder if you have any difficulties on your return." I nodded, feeling a few more nervous butterflies in my stomach. I stepped into the fire said 'Maura Jane Crothers Office' and landed, seconds later into a reception area. There were several doors with gold lettering on them. The first said 'David James Barnes', the next door had the name 'Julie Anne Redmond' and the third was Maura's office.

I knocked the door lightly.

"Kathryn?" a young woman with beautiful shoulder length golden copper hair opened the door.

"That's me!" I smiled, stepping into Maura's office, "Your dress is gorgeous!" I admired her. She was annoyingly stunning.

"Thank you." She said, "Please, take a seat." I sat on the purple sofa to my left and Maura took the armchair, "Well, Kathryn, I'm Maura, I am a specialised healer and I have a doctorate in the Muggle degree psychology. I am thirty years old, am single and enjoy judo and fencing." She introduced herself but I was slightly taken aback as she took off her shoes and put her feet up on the seat beside her and made herself comfy. What surprised me more was that she revealed so much to me, no one had ever told me their age or marital status before. Not that I particularly cared either way. Maura gestured for me to introduce myself.

"Hello Maura, I'm Kathryn, I'm fourteen years old, I'm studying at Hogwarts and today is our first day back in class. I'm also very single." I felt a slight pain in my chest as I realised what I admitted.

"What are your interests?" she asked.

"Oh," I looked around the room for inspiration, "I like reading fiction?"

She raised her left eyebrow slightly, "What are you reading at the minute?"

I laughed, probably louder than I should have, "How to annihilate a man."

"I see." Maura smirked, "Tell me, what can I help you with? I believe you were recommended to me by Professor McGonagall? Is there a particular reason?"

My expression completely changed, I sat myself up in the chair a little straighter. It was strange to delve into the nitty gritty so soon, "It's complicated…"

"Well, I've read copies of your previous casefiles with past muggle professionals," she pointed her wand and poured herself a glass of water from the jug on the coffee table that sat between us, "I want to get an understanding from your point of view."

I felt annoyed that she had read all about me before meeting me. "I'm a different person now. I'm not that girl anymore." I defended myself. I looked at Maura as she stared at me intently, "Sure I still get nightmares but I don't get bullied – I've got friends now, I've found people who care about me, I'm not the shy girl who sits in the corner hoping no-one will notice her."

"I can see that." She gave an encouraging smile, "You're a young lady now. You're beginning to get to know yourself as an individual and creating your own identity rather than being referred to as someone's daughter."

I felt awfully embarrassed at being called a young lady, I'm definitely not one of these girly girls by any means. But I appreciated she was trying to relate to me. I reckon by now I could counsel others with relative ease after picking up hints and tips from the many people I've seen over the years. "My parents don't associate with me anyway…" I said, "I grew up fast, I've dealt with a lot of stuff adults haven't."

"I'm sure I don't have to remind you that what is said in these meetings are completely confidential. You can trust me, Kathryn. I want to help you in whatever way I can." Maura's expression changed, it was as though she genuinely wanted to help and wasn't a straight-faced idiot who refused to show emotion.

It was then I decided to trust her. I began by telling her about the relationship I had with my parents and how they abused me for as long as I can remember. I described how it got a lot worse when I started at Hogwarts and how they left me for dead during the summer. I also told her about Barbara and how she was sent to jail for murdering Gary in front of me and how she proceeded to stab me in the shoulder when the police tried to arrest her. I explained how I was sent to different psychiatrists, counsellors and psychologists who all tried to fix me and only one had managed to make any real impact.

"That's a lot for one person to deal with…" Maura commented as I poured myself a glass of water and took a gulp.

"That's only half of it." I said, but as I continued I felt myself get progressively more emotional, I told Maura about Oliver and how he attacked me, but how he wasn't entirely in control of what he was doing, and how the two of us recently made contact in order to get some closure. I reiterated what I had already told her about my parents and how they left me for dead and informed her that I hadn't seen or heard from them (or my grandmother) since. "Then to top it off," I looked at Maura who was seemingly flabbergasted at my admissions, "George, the guy I'm completely in love with, told me that he loved me and swiftly followed the statement with 'I could do so much better than you'. So there you go." I grabbed a tissue and captured the tears before they had a chance to roll down my face. "Try and fix the mess that is my life…"

"I'm not here to 'fix' you, all these events have happened and are completely out of our control…" Maura spoke matter-of-factly, "I am merely here to guide you in such a way that you learn to cope with the experiences in your everyday life, to give you control back again." Maura placed her hair behind her ears, "Would I be correct in stating that you are here to talk about more recent events?"

"Yeah…" I looked around the room, "my friends have noticed that I've been having a load of nightmares recently. I'm used to them, but they're worried about me. I think everything's just happened so quick in succession and I just haven't had a chance to process everything. One minute I'm fine and the next I cry. My body is trying its best to heal but one thing George did say to me was that I needed to mentally heal, too."

"Do you feel any better for telling me everything you have?"

"Not particularly, if I'm being honest." I said, "I've done all the talking therapy I need with my friends Hermione and Ginny."

"Do you consider yourself to be happy?" she delved further, taking a different stance.

I took a deep breath, "Some days are better than others…"

"Hmmm…" Maura stood, slipping her feet back into her six inch red stilettos before heading over to her massive bookcase and lifted out a few books and a quill and took a seat beside me, she handed me the first book which was a hand-decorated 'dream diary', "I would like you to write down what you remember from your nightmares or dreams each morning before you start your day. You can also write about how they affect you during the day." She showed me the pages inside and how it was laid out, "This notebook," Maura handed me a second book, "is my challenge to you. Each week between each visit I would like you to try something new. Whether it be reading poetry or joining the school choir or talking to someone you don't know, I want you to do something different, just to try. Something that lets you escape for a while, do you know what I mean?"

"Yeah, I know exactly what you mean…" I thought about it, "I'm guessing I'm not allowed to slap George for being a prat though, am I?"

"No, you're not." Maura shook her head and smirked, "You've quite a talent for sarcasm, haven't you?"

"Who me?" I said sarcastically, "Never." I put my new notebooks into my schoolbag to bring back to the castle with me.

"My golly, look at the time!" Maura looked at her watch, "first sessions always tend to run longer. I hope Professor McGonagall won't mind."

I smiled, "I can handle her, don't worry!"

"It truly was a pleasure to meet you, Kathryn." Maura shook my hand with a good firm grip, "I do hope that together the two of us can work to sort things out for you… I genuinely want to help you in whichever way I can."

"Thank you." I said, stepping into the green fire.

"Same time next week?"

"I'll be here." I nodded, "Professor McGonagall's office!"

McGonagall's office was empty when I arrived and no wonder – her desk clock just chimed 1700 – dinner time! I couldn't believe how long I was with Maura for! I quickly made my way towards the Great Hall to meet up with Hermione and the boys. At the bottom of the marble staircase I saw Draco talking to Ron and Harry. "This cannot be good…" I muttered to myself.

"And there's a picture, Weasley!" Draco sneered, he was holding up what looked like the Daily Prophet, "A picture of your parents outside their house – If you can call it a house! You mother could do with losing a big of weight, couldn't she?"

Ron was shaking with fury.

"HOW DARE YOU." I grabbed the paper from his grip and gave him a shove on the shoulders, knocking him off balance slightly.

"Get stuffed, Malfoy." Harry said, "C'mon Ron…"

"Oh yeah, you two were staying with them this summer, weren't you?" Draco scoffed, "So tell me, is his mother really that porky, or is it just the picture?"

I had the overwhelming urge to punch Draco, repeatedly. Hermione, who had just appeared and Harry had to grab the back of Ron's robes to stop him from launching himself at Draco.

"You know your mother, Malfoy?" Harry said, "That expression she's got, like she's got dung under her nose? Has she always looked like that, or is it just because you were with her?"

Draco blushed, "Don't you dare insult my mother, Potter."

"Keep your fat mouth shut, then." Harry turned his back.

BANG! Draco shot a spell at Harry's back quicker than I could get my own wand out to defend him. A second BANG! sounded and Professor Moody's roar echoed throughout the Entrance Hall, "OH NO YOU DON'T, LADDIE!" Moody's wand was pointed not at Draco, but at a pure white ferret on the ground. It took me a second to realise what had happened. "I don't think so!" Moody roared once again as ferret Draco scurried across the Entrance Hall floor towards the Dungeons. The ferret then flew ten feet into the air and fell with a smack to the floor and bounced upwards once more. "I don't like people who attack when their opponent's back's turned – stinking, cowardly, scummy thing to do…" The ferret then flew through the air, his legs and tail flailing helplessly. "Never – do – that – again –"

"Professor Moody!" Professor McGonagall was coming down the stairs, her arms full of books.

"Hello Professor McGonagall." Moody spoke calmly, bouncing Draco the ferret higher and higher into the air.

"What – what are you doing?" McGonagall tried to catch her breath as she followed the ferret's movements with her eyes.

"Teaching."

"Teach- Moody, is that a student?" McGonagall shrieked, dropping every single book to the floor.

Moody replied lazily, "Yep."

"NO!" McGonagall took out her wand immediately and with a loud snap, Draco appeared, lying in a heap on the floor, his sleek blonde hair standing on end, his face now bright red. He got to his feet, wincing, his eyes were watering with pain and humiliation.

I stood in shock as McGonagall instructed Moody on how to properly punish a student. Draco then mumbled something about his father.

"Oh yeah?" Moody spoke only for those in close approximation to hear, "Well, I know your father, boy… you tell him Moody's keeping an eye on his son." Moody then seized Draco's robes and hauled him in the direction of Snape's office in the dungeons.

"Don't talk to me." Ron said quietly to Harry, Hermione and me as McGonagall pointed her and at the books which flew back into her arms again.

There was a hint of surprise in Hermione's tone, "Why not?"

"Because I want to fix that in my memory forever," Ron closed his eyes, smiling to himself, "Draco Malfoy, the amazing bouncing ferret."

The four of us couldn't help but laugh.

"He could have really hurt Malfoy; you know… I'm glad Professor McGonagall was there to stop it!" Hermione said, digging into her casserole and eating at top speed, just as she had done at lunchtime.

"Hermione!" Ron spoke furiously, "You're ruining the best moment of my life!"

Hermione finished her dinner and got up, grabbing her bag to leave again. I hadn't even managed to take my first mouthful yet! No sooner had Hermione left, did Fred, George and Lee sit down in the space opposite me. I felt George's eyes on me as I stared intently at my plate, I couldn't even bring myself to look at him. I got up and lifted my plate, taking a seat further along the table with Ginny and her friends. She put an arm around me, she just knew.

5th September

Our class waited outside our Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom with sheer anticipation. We had heard great things about Moody who was mad yet brilliant. I tried so hard to forget about Lupin, but I knew that comparing the two teachers was inevitable. As the bell went, we all let ourselves into his classroom and sat down, taking our books out.

"You can put those away." Moody's characteristic clunk of his foot sounded as he walked into the classroom from his office, "those books, you won't need them." Moody then took out the class register, using his real eye to stare down the list and his electric blue, robotic eye was rolling about in his head fixing upon each student as they responded to their name. As he called my name, I noticed him pause for a second longer than he would have with anyone else and his normal eye lifted from the page. The stare was intense, even though it only lasted a few seconds.

"Right then." Moody began the lesson, informing us that we were very far behind on dealing with curses but Lupin had thoroughly taught us about Dark Creatures last year, "So I'm going to bring you up to scratch on what wizards can do to each other. I've got one year to teach you how to deal with Dark-"

"What, aren't you staying?" Ron blurted out.

Moody's magical eye focused on a nervous Ron, "You'll be Arthur Weasley's son, eh?" his scarred face contorted into what had to have been a smile, "Your father got me out of a very tight corner a few days ago… yeah, I'm staying just the one year. Special favour to Dumbledore…" He then clapped his gnarled hands together and went straight to teaching, "Curses. They come in many strengths and forms. Now, according to the Ministry of Magic, I'm to teach you counter-curses and leave it at that. I'm not supposed to show you what illegal curses look like until you're in sixth year, but Professor Dumbledore's got a higher opinion of your nerves, he reckons you can cope. I say, the sooner you know what you're up against, the better. How are you supposed to defend yourself against something you've never seen? A wizard who's about to put an illegal curse on you isn't going to tell you what he's about to do. You need to be alert and watchful. So do any of you know which curses are most heavily punished by law?"

Moody pointed at Ron, "My dad told me about one… is It called the Imperius Curse or something?"

"Ah, yes," Moody said appreciatively reaching into his desk drawer, "Your father would know that one. Gave the Ministry a lot of trouble at one time…" He lifted out a large glass jar with three large black spiders in it (they're nothing by comparison to the spiders in the Forbidden Forest, though). Moody took one in his hand and pointed his wand at it and muttered the word, 'Imperio'.

The spider leapt from Moody's hand on a fine thread of silk and began swinging back and forth as though it was doing a balancing act in a circus. Then it stretched out its legs rigidly and did a backflip in the air followed by a number of cartwheels. As Moody jerked his wand, the spider got up onto its two back legs and did an unmistakable tap dance.

The whole class was in fits of laughter apart from me.

"Think it's funny, do you?" Moody growled, "You'd like it, would you, if I did it to you?"

The laughter disappeared instantaneously.

"Total control," Moody whispered, "I could make it jump out of the window, drown itself, throw itself down one of your throats."

I saw Ron involuntarily shudder in front of me.

"Years back, there were a lot of witches and wizards being controlled by the Imperius Curse, some job for the ministry trying to sort out those who were genuine and those who were liars. The Imperius Curse can be fought, and I'll be teaching you how, but it takes real strength of character, and not everyone's got it. Better avoid being hit with it if you can. CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" he barked, making me jump out of my skin.

"Anyone else know one? Another illegal curse?" Moody spoke whilst lifting another spider out of the jar, I didn't have a clue what any of the curses were and felt like an idiot as about 90% of the class had their hands in the air, "Yes?" both of Moody's eyes focused on Neville.

"There's one – the Cruciatus Curse." Neville spoke quietly but distinctly.

"Longbottom, isn't it?" Moody questioned and Neville nodded slightly. Moody then turned to face the rest of the class, using the Engorgio charm to make the spider bigger. Ron then made another involuntary shudder, pushing his chair back as far from Moody's desk as possible.

Moody raised his wand again, pointed it at the spider, and muttered, 'Crucio!'"

At once, the spider's legs bent in upon its body, it rolled over and began to twitch horribly, rocking from side to side. No sound came from it, but I was almost sure it would be the same as when I was being tortured, screaming, pleading, begging for it to stop. I looked at Moody, who didn't waver in his concentration and I glimpsed at the spider again which was shuddering and jerking more violently.

"STOP IT!" Hermione shrilly shouted from beside me. I looked at her, but she was staring at Neville, "CAN'T YOU SEE IT'S BOTHERING HIM? STOP IT!"

Neville's hands were clenched and his knuckles were white. His eyes were wide open and horrified.

Moody lifted his wand. The spider's legs relaxed, but it continued to twitch. "Reducio!" Moody muttered and the spider shrunk back to normal size before he put it back into the jar. "Pain," he said softly, "You don't need thumbscrews or knives to torture someone if you can perform the Cruciatus Curse… that was very popular once, too."

"Thank goodness my parents aren't magical." I whispered to Hermione.

"Right… anyone know any others?"

Hermione raised her hand into the air.

"Yes?" Moody looked at her.

"Avada Kedavra." She whispered, the entire class was silent.

"Ah," Moody said, a slight smile was visible under his twisted lop-sided mouth, "Yes, the last and the worst. Avada Kedavra… the killing curse."

I gasped as he put his hand into the jar and caught the last spider, pointing his wand at it. There was a flash of green light as Moody muttered the curse and the spider rolled over onto his back, completely unmarked but unmistakably dead.

"Not nice…" Moody spoke quietly, "Not pleasant. And there's no counter curse. There's no blocking it. Only one person has ever survived it and he's sitting right in front of me."

Moody stared at a very red-faced Harry. I know Harry had some memories of that night almost fourteen years ago…

"Avada Kedavra's a curse that needs a powerful bit of magic behind it – you could all get your wands out now and point them at me and say the words, and I doubt I'd get so much as a nose bleed. But that doesn't matter, I'm not here to teach you how to do it. Now, if there's no counter curse, why am I showing you? Because you've got to know. You've got to appreciate what the worst is. You don't want to be in a situation where you're facing it. CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" He roared once again, making us jump once more, "Now, the use of any of those three curses will earn you a one-way ticket to Azkaban. That's what you're up against. So that's why I'm teaching you – you need arming. But most of all, you all need to practise. Constant, never-ceasing vigilance."

For the remainder we all copied down notes about each of the unforgivable curses in silence. When the bell went, the class seemed to erupt into conversation, finding the whole class as a spectacular show, but Harry, Hermione and I hadn't found it particularly interesting.

"They wouldn't be talking so excitedly if it was them getting controlled, tortured or killed…" I felt so angry at the way our classmates were acting, "This is real life. They don't have a clue what it's like."

As we left the classroom Hermione was the first to speak, "Hurry up."

"Not the ruddy library again?" Ron said exactly what I was thinking, she had been there every spare moment from arriving here at Hogwarts.

"No," she said curtly as she pointed up a side corridor, "Neville."

I saw Neville standing alone, halfway up the passageway, staring at the stone wall opposite him with the same horrified, wide-eyed expression he had worn when he saw Moody perform the Cruciatus Curse.

"Neville?" Hermione approached him.

Neville looked around.

"Oh, hello." His voice was much higher than usual, "Interesting lesson, wasn't it? I wonder what's for dinner. I'm – I'm starving, aren't you?"

I shared a worried look with Hermione.

"Neville, are you okay?" I spoke, resting a comforting hand on his arm.

"Oh, yes, I'm fine." He said still staring at the opposite wall, "Interesting dinner – I mean lesson – what's for eating?"

"Neville, look at me a second-" I said, his eyes still blank.

A familiar clunking noise sounded as Moody approached us in the corridor. He looked between Neville and me. I quickly dropped my hand from his arm. No one said a thing.

"It's alright, sonny," Moody spoke with a much gentler growl than usual, "Why don't you come up to my office? Come on… we can have a cup of tea… I've got a few books that might interest you."

Neville looked pleadingly at the four of us, but we didn't say anything. We didn't really have much of a choice but to let him go…

At dinner, Hermione shovelled her food into her as usual and headed off to the library. Ron got talking to Fred and George about our DADA lesson as they passed us to take a seat further along the table, possibly getting the hint that I didn't want to eat with them. I took the opportunity, however to speak softly to Harry who was sitting beside me acting unusually quiet, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"You don't need to lie to me, you know." I caught a glimpse of his eyes, "When Moody mentioned the killing curse I saw the look-"

"It just brought back – my parents – the green light – my mother's screams – they just died, you know – at least now I know…" he paused for moment in deep thought, "I'm okay though. Really."

After a healthy portion of bangers and mash, the three of us headed up to the Common Room. The boys had planned to do their Divination homework. I had notes to write on the International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy and how that relates to day to day muggle life including wizarding sports rules, dressing in public, the control of magical beasts and Wizard-Muggle marriages.

When we got to the common room it was empty apart from Neville who was sitting in the corner reading a hefty looking book. As I approached him I noticed his eyes were red, but he looked a great deal more focused.

"You all right, Neville?" Harry asked.

"Oh yes," he replied, "I'm fine, thanks. Just reading this book Professor Moody lent me…" he held up the book: Magical Mediterranean Water-Plants and Their Properties. "Apparently, Professor Sprout told Professor Moody I'm really good at Herbology," there was a faint note of pride in his voice that I had never heard before, "He thought I'd like this…"

Harry and Ron then headed up to their Dormitory to collect their books. I took a seat beside Neville, feeling like there was something not quite right and I had this overwhelming urge to help him, "That was very kind of Moody to let you borrow his book, is it any good?"

"So far, yeah."

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine, I just said-"

I forced myself to say what was on my mind, "It's just that your eyes are red and I was wondering if there was anything I could do? Or if there was anything you wanted to talk about? Sometimes you just need someone to listen-"

"Why are you talking to me? You never talk to me!"

"There is something very unmistakeable about that look. I know you're not 'fine'. Take it from someone who knows..." I spoke matter-of-factly, "I just want to help."

Neville sighed.

I shuffled on the seat to face him, "I've seen things, too. I've seen someone being murdered. People have tried to control me. I've been –" I paused for a second, wondering if any of what I was saying was actually going to benefit him but when Neville looked up from his book I said, "I'm here if you need me, okay?"

There was a slight nod of his head and I took that as my cue to leave.

Harry and Ron sat at the table in the Common Room beside me completing their Divination homework for hours. I got the gist from the two of them that they were to use the positioning of planets to predict their futures for the next month. After an hour of extensive work, jotting down calculation after calculation, they had both come up with exactly nothing. Then they moved to plan B: making it up. By this stage I had already made notes on the formation of the Statute of Secrecy- that the Muggle British Monarch (jointly William III and Mary II) refused to protect wizards under Muggle law. So this had been the final straw that forced wizardkind to voluntarily move towards secrecy and in 1689 the first signatures were placed on the statute. Three years later the statute was adopted and wizards went into hiding for good and hence the Ministry of Magic was formed.

"Because of erm… Mercury, why don't you get stabbed in the back by someone you thought was a friend?" I overheard Ron suggest to Harry.

"Yeah, good one."

"And on Wednesday," Ron continued, "I think I'll come off worse in a fight."

"Aaah…" Harry pulled a face, "I was going to have a fight. Okay, I'll lose a bet."

"Yeah, you'll be betting that I win my fight." Ron suggested.

I was overcome with a fit of the giggles, "On Thursday you'll have a sore stomach and due to the positioning of Uranus and you'll find yourself needing some extra toilet roll to clean up all the shit you're actually writing down."

The boys laughed with me, "It has to be slightly more believable than that, Kathryn…" Ron snorted. The common room by this stage was slowly emptying and I saw Fred and George sit on the window seat, heads together, peering over a piece of parchment with a quill. I knew the two of them were up to no good and found comfort watching the mischief in their eyes. When I caught George looking at me, I realised I was the one staring at him in the first place and snapped out of it.

After half an hour, the twins rolled up the parchment they were writing on, said goodnight and headed up to bed. Within ten minutes, I was completely fed up with writing notes on the potential complications of wizards and muggles marrying each other when Hermione climbed through the portrait. "Hello," she said, "I've just finished!"

"I am so done with this day!" I yawned, "I'll see you in our room, 'Mione."

"I feel like I haven't seen you in ages…" Hermione said, "I wanted to show the three of you something, can you give me ten minutes?" she sat down beside Ron, looking down at his homework with the same expression as I had, "You don't appear to be having a good month, do you?"

Ron yawned, too, "Well, at least I'm forewarned."

"You appear to be drowning twice." She said.

"Oh, am I?" Ron looked down at his predictions, "I'd better change one of them to getting trampled by a rampaging Hippogriff."

"Don't you think it's a bit obvious you've made these up?"

"How dare you!" Ron said in mock outrage, "We've been working like house-elves here."

Hermione raised her eyebrows.

Ron covered himself quickly, "It's just an expression."

I tried to change the topic, "Well, at one point, 'Mione they were going to be in the middle of a failed assassination, be awarded trophies for services to the school and get Outstanding grades on their next homework."

"Oi." Harry, who had just finished his last prediction said and Ron gave me daggers, "What's in the box?" Harry asked Hermione.

"Funny you should ask," she said and with a nasty look at Ron she took off the lid and showed us about fifty badges, all of different colours bearing the same letters: S.P.E.W.

"Spew?" Harry asked, picking up a badge and staring at it, "What's this about?"

"Not spew" Hermione said impatiently, "It's S-P-E-W. Stands for the Society for the Promotion of Elvish Welfare."

"Never heard of it." Ron said.

"Well, of course you haven't," Hermione spoke briskly, "I've only just started it."

"Yeah?" Ron said in mild surprise, "How many members have you got?"

"Well, if you three join – four."

"And you think we want to walk around wearing badges saying 'spew', do you?" Ron replied.

"S – P – E – W!" Hermione spoke hotly, "You'll join me, Kathryn, won't you?"

"You'll have to tell me more about it…"

Ron gave me the two fingers behind Hermione's back.

"I was going to put Stop the Outrageous Abuse of Our Fellow Magical Creatures and Campaign for a Change in Their Legal Status – but it wouldn't fit. So that's the heading for our manifesto." She told me with a smile, brandishing a sheaf of parchment, "I've been researching it heavily in the library. Elf enslavement goes back centuries. I can't believe no one's don't anything about out before now."

"Hermione – open your ears!" Ron said loudly, throwing a badge back into the box, "They. Like. It. They like being enslaved"

"Our short-term aims," Hermione spoke louder than Ron. I glimpsed at Harry who looked bewildered. It seemed as though Hermione completely ignored Ron as she told us, "are to secure house-elves fair wages and working conditions. Our long-term aims include changing the law about non-wand-use, and trying to get an elf into the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, because they're shockingly underrepresented."

"And how do we do all this?" Harry asked.

"We start by recruiting members," Hermione said happily, "I thought two sickles to join – that buys a badge – and the proceeds can fund out leaflet campaign. You're the treasurer, Ron – I've got a collecting tin upstairs – Harry, you're the secretary, so you might want to write down everything I'm saying now, as a record of our first meeting – and Kathryn, I was hoping you'd be chief designer, we need a logo and someone to design the leaflets."

"No worries." I said with a smile and Hermione beamed at the three of us excitedly. I looked at the other two, hoping that they'd be even the slightest bit enthusiastic. Luckily for them perhaps, there was a soft tap, tap on the window.

"Hedwig!" Harry shouted, launching himself across the room to pull open the window. Hedwig flew inside, soaring across the room, landing gracefully on top of Harry's predictions homework, "About time!" Harry hurried after her.

"She's got an answer!" Ron pointed at the grubby piece of parchment attached to Hedwig's leg. Harry hastily untied the letter as he reached the table, taking a seat whereupon Hedwig fluttered onto his knee, hooting softly.

"What does it say?" Hermione asked breathlessly. I moved over a chair to sit beside Harry, stroking Hedwig's feathers gently.

"Harry -
I'm flying north immediately. This news about your scar is the latest in a series of strange rumours that have reached me here. If it hurts again, go straight to Dumbledore – they're saying he's got Mad-Eye out of retirement, which means he's reading the signs, even if no one else is.
I'll be in touch soon. My best to Ron, Hermione and Kathryn. Keep your eyes open, Harry.
- Sirius."

There was an air of shock and surprise in the common room as we tried to work out what exactly Sirius had meant. Harry was frustrated, feeling guilty for writing to Sirius in the first place, making him return to the UK where he is more exposed. Harry then snapped at a hungry Hedwig, telling her to go to the Owlery.

"Harry…" Hermione said calmly.

"I'm off to bed," Harry said shortly, "See you in the morning."

9th September

With the usual sad feeling that comes with Sunday evenings, I was sitting in the common room having finished writing my dream diary and my challenge diary. I reckoned the thing I did differently this week was talking to Neville as we usually didn't bother much with each other. I had taken up residence in front of the fire with Harry and Ron who were sitting on the usual sofa and we were talking about Moody's class when a third year, whom I recognised to be one of Ginny's friends made an announcement, "THERE'S AN OWL AT THE WINDOW!"

Ginny appeared from the staircase and opened said window, letting the owl in and untying the letter, "OOOOOOH, KATHRYN, IT'S FOR YOOOOOU SISTA." She shouted cheerily to me, "IT MUST BE FROM LOVER BOY!"

I snorted, "Oh, come on Gin, hand it over."

Ginny plonked herself down beside me in front of the fire as I opened the letter which said,

Hey Kathryn!
How was your first week back at Hogwarts? I heard that Alastor Moody the ex-Auror is the new DADA teacher- what's he like? I heard he's mad as a hatter these days!
I also suppose by now you've heard about the Triwizard Tournament? I can't believe the year after I leave school they do something really exciting! I would totally be entering!
Please don't hate me, but it's confession time- I sent a letter to Professor McGonagall suggesting that you should go for therapy of some sort. She wrote back and said that she would sort something for you. I don't doubt that you cope in your own way, but I got the impression you were never going to ask for the help until it was too late. I only did it cause I care. If you haven't accepted the sessions yet, please reconsider, if you have, good. Let me know how you get on. My own sessions are going well, and my psychiatrist saw a lot of improvement after I saw you at the end of summer. I really appreciate you taking the time to see me, I know it must have been difficult.
On a lighter note, I'm just back from a very intense match against the Holyhead Harpies where we managed to scrape a win. We've won every game I've played so far! Has the Gryffindor team been chosen yet? Has Angelina taken over from me as Captain?
I hope you are well and write back when you can.
Oliver

"That's another essay." She giggled, "May I?"

I clutched the letter dramatically, holding it to my chest, "You know fine right it's a love letter so you wouldn't want to."

"You're probably right, it might make me sick." She joked. I heard Harry and Ron chuckle to themselves before getting back to their game of chess.

"Gin?" I said in a lower tone. Realising that it was the perfect time to tell her what I had been wanting to tell Hermione all week but hadn't gotten the chance.

"Yeah?" she leaned in closer.

I crossed my legs and said, "I'm getting help. McGonagall has arranged the whole thing. Hopefully Maura can help me keep these nightmares at bay…"

"I get them too, you know, nightmares." Ginny rested her head on my shoulder as she said it, "I wish they would just go away, that I would forget about it all, that it ever happened… That I never opened that stupid diary in the first place…"

I turned to look at her and smiled, "If there's something Maura has taught me, you cannot forget all the bad things that happen, you can't fix it, you can only learn to live with it and control how it makes you feel." I said sincerely, "It's just going to take time, hun and I'm here for you every step of the way."

"Thanks, Kitty."

"I'm not calling you Desire in public!" the two of us shared a laugh.

There appeared to be a lot of commotion going on near the entrance to the boys' dorm. Ginny inquisitively got to her feet and I quickly followed, "Kathryn – No!" she gave me a panicked look. I looked into the direction of George and Alicia, his arms were tight around her and they were passionately kissing in the middle of the common room.

My chin dropped and a lump appeared at the back of my throat. I froze on the spot, trying to keep calm but I couldn't. Ginny tried to grab my hand as I ran up the stairs towards my dorm. I couldn't control the howling cry that escaped from me, the sound building from the depths of my being. Tears fell down my cheeks in a waterfall of emotion. I couldn't get the image of them out of my head. I stumbled on the stairs, tripping over my feet, unable to see clearly enough. I felt myself falling into the deep chasm again.

"Come on, up you get," Ginny put a steady arm around me, guiding me into her dormitory, "I've got you." She sat me down on the edge of her bed and held me close, letting me sob.