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Golden and Flame

Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist characters don't belong to us. We are just having fun with them.

Chapter 16. Assumptions

Ed shifted in bed from side to side. He had awakened a few minutes ago but refused to open his eyes. Despite feeling like he had been asleep for a few hours he still felt exhausted after all the events that had transpired since his last confrontation with Scar.

With the help of Mustang, Hawkeye, Ling and Lan Fan, he and Al had managed to catch one of the homunculi but none of them were prepared to discover that Gluttony could take on a much nastier appearance accompanied by a rampaging power to easily devour anything near him.

Upon that discovery things for Ed, Al and Ling became more complicated with Envy's involvement which ended up causing Ed and Ling to be trapped inside Gluttony's stomach. The uncertainty and panic at the possibility of leaving his little brother behind was something that had immobilized Ed for a moment but, after almost being swallowed by Envy, he was able to find a solution to get out of the False Portal of Truth that was Gluttony.

He would never have wished to have to go through the Portal of Truth again, but that unexpected journey had a great reward: proving that Al's body really did still exist inside that place.

That great discovery was followed by meeting in person the 'Father' of the homunculi, who had a suspicious appearance almost identical to Hohenheim. If that wasn't enough, Father transformed Ling into Greed and from there it all spiraled out of control again with Scar and Mei's unexpected visit into the deepest part of Central Command.

By that point, confirming that Bradley was also a homunculus was no longer a surprise but he and Al and Mustang were left with a bitter taste in their mouths and a huge sense of unease when Fuhrer put Winry and Riza's lives on the line as a means of threat to keep the three of them on a tight leash.

As soon as Bradley called the meeting to a close (concluding it by piercing Al's armor with his sword upon suspecting that someone might be inside him), Ed and Al took a moment to take a deep breath after being spared from the murder Bradley had almost committed moments before and, after borrowing money from Mustang, they both ran off to find a phone booth.

Ed was extremely relieved when he heard Winry's voice on the other end of the line. He was certainly annoyed by Winry's bewilderment at that call, but when he heard how softly and warmly she sincerely thanked him for calling her, Ed allowed the warmth he felt through her friend's voice to invade his body giving him a momentary sense of reassurance.

He had barely hung up when the new Greed appeared behind them. They both maintained a certain distrust of him, but the homunculus simply asked them to deliver a message to Lan Fan from Ling. Fearing that Greed wanted to locate the place where the Xingese girl was in order to finish her off, Ed expressed his doubt, to which the homunculus, before leaving, affirmed to him that he had no intention of doing something so low besides that one of the principles on which he ruled himself was that of not lying.

After the latter, Ed and Al separated to attend to different matters. Al went to take the Xing girl to Dr. Knox as she had been injured during the fight, while Ed went to walk the streets where the confrontation with Scar had taken place to repair the damage done. When it was finally over, he went back to his hotel room to get some sleep since he hadn't slept for more than 24 hours and everything that had happened had left him really exhausted.

When he woke up he had barely been asleep for about 3 hours but it seemed that his body was not willing to sleep for several hours straight at such an unusual time for him. So, after resigning himself to this reality, Ed finally sat up in his bed so that he could sit up to pull the curtains away from the window.

"It's already dark outside." He spoke to himself. Stretching a little in his place, Ed glanced around him and realized that there was no sign that his brother had returned yet. He was thinking of going to look for him at Knox's when his eyes came across the pistol resting on the nightstand. Seeing it he thought it would be best to return it to Hawkeye when he saw her at Central Command, but as soon as he remembered that the Lieutenant would now be working as Bradley's assistant he decided to give it to her that very night.

After getting dressed and braiding his hair, Ed went down to the front desk to place a call to the Mustang unit office in hopes of finding someone still there. To his luck, Breda answered and, after a brief chat, the Second Lieutenant provided him with Hawkeye's new address.

After a long day, Riza was enjoying a hot shower in the bathroom of her apartment. The temperature of the water was perfect to help her relax the tension in her muscles after so many stressful events she had experienced over the past few days. She had been aware for years that there were many things that Roy and she would have to do to get the country on a better course but previously she had not really considered the possibility that she would end up serving as a hostage to limit Roy's movements.

She imagined that Roy was also surprised by this development, but she was sure that this would be a temporary thing as one way or another they would find a way to free her from her situation. Besides, after so many years of knowing each other and now several years of working together, it was very likely that they would soon discover a way to continue working on their common goal, although now they also had to find out more about the context and the real situation Amestris was in, since the fact that the homunculi were manipulating the entire government did not bode well.

It was those thoughts that prevented her from hearing the knocks echoing at the door of her apartment. A few seconds later, however, the barking of Black Hayate brought her out of her stupor. Turning off the water faucet and wrapping a towel around herself, Riza left the bathroom to look for her pet. From the peaceful intensity of his barking, Riza figured it was probably a familiar visitor so she wasn't surprised to find Black Hayate scratching curiously at the front door of her apartment.

Drying her hair with a small towel, Riza asked her pet. "Hayate, do we have a visitor?"

Hayate gave a happy bark at the same time a voice made itself heard on the other side of the door. "Lieutenant, it's me. It's Edward."

Although puzzled by the time of the visit Riza couldn't help but smile in relief. Roy had told her that both Elrics had safely emerged from their confrontation with the homunculi, but she was even more comforted to be able to hear Edward's voice for herself. Despite Bradley's threat, she was sure those boys would still be wandering back and forth soon enough so she was happy to be able to see Edward before both he and Al disappeared on another of their risky journeys.

Keeping her smile, Riza made her way to her room so she could get dressed while she asked the boy. "What are you doing here at this hour, Edward?"

"Sorry for the late night visit. I came to return what I borrowed." Ed replied.

"There was no rush." Although I'm glad I could see you and make sure for myself that you're okay. "Hold on a second. I'll be out in a minute."

"Sure." Ed remained leaning against the wall opposite the Lieutenant's door as he waited. He shoved his hands in his pockets and kept thinking of some way to open the portal so he could get Al's body out from where he was. The philosopher's stone would be the easiest way but...

Hearing footsteps approaching the door, Ed moved closer again but as soon as he did the door opened and within seconds he found himself lying on the floor with Black Hayate on top of him, who placed a paw on his face as he barked and wagged his tail happily and proudly.

Riza couldn't help a smile. "I'm sorry, Edward."

"Don't worry about it. It happens to me all the time." Ed replied with his voice slightly muffled by the paw Black Hayate was holding over his face.

Seeing that Black Hayate had no intention of abandoning his prey, Riza pointed to the floor next to Ed and the little dog quickly complied and sat down in the indicated spot. By way of reprimand, Riza said to him. "Bad boy."

Ed ran a hand over his face before sitting down. "Huh?" He exclaimed as he saw several boxes stacked in the part he could see of Riza's apartment. " You' re not moving out, are you?"

"Oh, this?" Riza looked at the boxes that had caught Ed's eye. "I haven't had time to unpack since I moved to Central." She sighed as she leaned against her door. "I guess it'll stay that way for a while."

Ed stood up. "The Colonel told me you were assigned as the Fuhrer's personal assistant, is that true?" Ed asked, a little concerned.

"Yes." Riza replied with a small reassuring smile as she noticed Ed's worried expression. "I also heard about your situation." She added with a serious tone. "And also about what they said about Winry."

Ed ducked his head in a clear sign of concern, sadness and guilt. Seeing him like that made Riza want to put a hand on his shoulder seeking to convey reassurance and support but at that moment one of her neighbors was returning to her apartment with a bottle of alcohol in his hands, reminding her that they were starting their conversation in a place where they could easily be overheard by other people.

Arranging the small towel she had over her shoulders, Riza said. "We shouldn't be discussing this in the hallway. Come in."

Ed nodded and entered the apartment followed closely by Black Hayate, who still wore a playful expression.

Riza closed her door and turned so she could see Ed. "Had I known you were coming I would have tried to give me some time to make you some stew. I think I have a few eggs left and some vegetables. Would you like me to cook you some?" she said with a warm smile.

Ed raised both hands in front of himself, "Don't worry, Lieutenant. Thank you very much but I don't want to inconvenience you." He put a hand to his neck. "Well, actually I think I'm already too much trouble coming in so late."

"Not at all, it's always nice to see you and Alphonse." Riza replied keeping her smile as she approached her small kitchen. "How about some tea?"

Knowing how kind and hospitable the Lieutenant could be, Ed nodded. "I think a cup of tea would do me wonders."

"Very well, have a seat." She gestured to the table a few steps from where he stood. "I won't be long and you..." She said as she shot a slightly strict look at Black Hayate. "Treat our guest well, okay?"

Black Hayate barked and walked over to the chair Ed had been sitting in, but this time he sat quietly as the boy patted him on the head.

"How's Alphonse?" Riza asked as she warmed the water.

"I accidentally ended up giving him quite a scare but fortunately he's fine. Right now he should be at Dr. Knox's house checking on Lan Fan."

Riza glanced over her shoulder and noticed that Ed didn't seem to have any more injuries than she remembered noticing before they parted ways the night before. "I'm so glad to hear you're both okay. Believe me, I wasn't at all pleased at the idea of having to leave you to your fate in that place."

"Well it was better than having a wet match in those moments." Ed joked before turning serious. "I'm sorry if we worried you but it was our responsibility and well somehow or other..." He thought about everything that happened in Gluttony's stomach, the discovery of Al's body and the encounter with Hohenheim's double but preferred not to mention it. "We made it out of there alive." He sighed. "Too bad Bradley was already waiting for us."

Riza nodded as she prepared the two cups of tea to later place one in front of Ed and one in front of the chair she was going to sit in.

"The Führer issue was a bit of a surprise but we'll manage." Riza said as she sat down and took a sip of her tea.

Ed also took a sip of his tea. As he put the cup down he noticed that Black Hayate was sniffing one of the pockets of his black coat. "Oh, right. If I don't get it out now I'll end up forgetting it." Ed reached into his pocket and pulled out the pistol Hawkeye had loaned him and handed it to her. "Uh... thanks."

Riza took the gun and turned to the side of her chair so as not to get the gun too close to her drink. "It's covered in dried blood." She exclaimed, somewhat concerned as she examined it.

"Oh, sorry about that." Ed said, a little embarrassed.

Riza got up to walk over to a small desk she had nearby. "Better clean this up before it gets ruined. Sorry, it's going to smell a little oily in here." She added as she moved a box closer to the desk which contained her weapon maintenance kit.

Ed simply stared at the gun as Riza remained silent as she performed the cleaning. She could tell by Ed's expression at that moment and the one he had when she first handed him the gun that the boy was very uncomfortable with having to use guns personally, so Riza was trying to get the process over with as quickly as possible.

Riza had just finished separating all the parts of the gun when Ed broke the silence. "The gun... I fired a few shots but I didn't shoot anyone."

Riza closed her eyes in complacency. She could tell from the start that Ed didn't want to use the gun so she was actually glad the boy didn't have to get his hands dirty with other people's blood like she did. "Good. I'm glad you made it back safely without having to shoot anyone, Edward."

"It's not that I didn't have to shoot anyone... more like I couldn't. I just couldn't pull the trigger, even when my friends were in danger." Riza opened her eyes to look at Ed, noticing how the boy had his head slightly tilted to one side. "Working for the military, I've gotten used to seeing guns and I was sure I'd have to use one at some point... but when the time came, I just couldn't shoot. I'm pathetic. My lack of determination is always causing problems for people around me."

Lack of determination? Riza smiled inwardly as she recalled the many times Roy had praised the fire shining in Edward's eyes. Curious as to what might have made that impression on the boy she said to him as she continued to clean the gun. "Tell me what happened."

Ed was quiet for a few seconds before answering. "It's about Scar. It turns out he's the one who murdered Winry's parents. When Winry pointed the gun at Scar, a feeling overcame me. In my heart I felt that that was wrong. Suddenly, the gun looked like something really terrible. The next thing I knew, I was standing in front of Scar begging Winry to put the gun down." Ed's tone began to turn slightly sad. "I'd never seen her cry like that before. I'm sure she hated Scar enough to kill him. You know, Winry is always so upbeat that it's easy to forget the pain and loss she's lived with all this time. That was why I promised Al and her that we wouldn't let ourselves be killed no matter what."

"However, a lot of things happened this time. In the end, we made it back alive, but things could have easily turned out differently. More losses. More tears." Ed sighed. "I'm actually pathetic. I worry everyone... I can't take care of myself... Who knows what would have happened if Ling hadn't saved me."

Riza replied in a soft tone without taking her eyes off the weapon she was cleaning. "You got the luxury of worrying about it this way because you made it back in one piece. No matter how hard things get. No matter how foolish you might look as you struggle under the weight of your burdens, you have to keep living for the people you love." She looked up to stare at Ed. "Plus you have to protect her."

"Huh?" Ed asked as he brought the cup to his lips.

Riza gave him a warm smile. "You love Winry, don't you?"

Edward's reaction was much more amused than Riza would have imagined. Ed spat the tea he was drinking directly into the face of Black Hayate, who had been unlucky enough to be standing next to the blond. As soon as Edward turned his face towards Riza, she could easily see how blushed he had become.

"S-she's just a ch-childhood friend." Denied Ed shaking his head frantically and stuttering. "We're like family. Of course I have to protect her."

Riza couldn't help but crack a smile at Edward's reaction. Being the way he was, it was obvious that he would be embarrassed by asking him directly about his feelings. Although it was perhaps a bit adventurous on his part, she was sure that Edward really was in love with Winry. Especially since when talking about her, Riza could notice a special spark in his gaze, one that she had only seen in Roy's eyes when he looked at her.

Deciding not to press the issue for the moment, Riza began to put the gun back together. "Sorry." Ed cleared his throat before busying himself again with his tea to distract himself from the Lieutenant's earlier comment. "I didn't know about the Winry and Scar situation. Looks like this gun just added more weight to your burdens."

Ed put his cup down and remained watching as Riza quickly reassembled the pistol. Surprised at her speed, he pondered for a few moments before getting up the courage to ask. "Lieutenant, hasn't that been a burden for you?"

Riza became serious as she polished the now armed pistol. "At this point, I have no right to complain about my burdens."

"Why not?"

"Because in the past I have taken the lives of many people. And I was the one who chose this path in the first place."

Ed was surprised by Riza's heartfelt response. "People's lives... you mean Ishval?"

"Yes."

Ed took one more sip from his cup before continuing. He knew that in the office no one usually mentioned what happened in Ishval since Mustang and Hawkeye had lived through the effects of the war firsthand, so it was a touchy subject. Not that he was happy to have to cause the Lieutenant to remember those difficult times either but he had a feeling that knowing what had really happened on Ishval would help him better understand the country as well as the trouble he and Al seemed to have gotten themselves into.

Putting down his mug, Ed said. "Can you tell me about Ishval?" Riza stopped her hands from moving as she stared at Ed. "I've asked the Colonel about it but he didn't say anything. Nothing about Winry's parents, about Scar, or the shooting of a child that sparked the civil war. There are many things I know nothing about. My ignorance is astounding."

Riza resumed the action of polishing her pistol. The only sound heard in the apartment was the rubbing of the rag against the metal object. A few seconds passed in this way, causing Ed to look at her regretfully, fearing he had asked too much. Riza realized this and steeled herself. She was not at all proud of her involvement with Ishval, but she understood why Edward wanted to know more about the war.

Riza set the pistol down on the table before speaking. "Too much happened in Ishval. I can only speak from my experience and what I witnessed."

Giving a sigh, Riza began her story. She told him as fully as possible her story in Ishval avoiding as much detail as possible, as neither she was proud of what happened nor did she want Edward to have to etch in his mind the images that still haunted her to this day.

Riza told him about her own participation in the war, highlighting the fact that the information had been manipulated and modified for its diffusion throughout the country since in reality it had not been a war, but rather they had operated under the instructions to exterminate all Ishvalans regardless of age or gender. She also told him some events she had learned about while there such as the fact that the Führer had refused the surrender by the supreme cleric of Ishval, the delight Kimblee had in killing as well as his fate in having killed fellow militia members, the army's victory in having complete military control of the region and finally how being awarded the title of 'Hero of Ishval' had motivated Roy even more to become Führer and change the country.

During her telling, Riza could see how Ed was watching her intently so she could easily perceive that, in some parts of the story, his golden eyes were getting slightly darker the more she heard the truth. No doubt the army had hidden the real facts of the war quite well as almost all the time Edward's gaze revealed surprise, confusion and some horror.

At some point, both of their cups had been completely forgotten so, as she concluded her tale, Riza pushed her cup away and placed her arms on the table. "That... that's all I know about Ishval."

Ed lowered his head slightly as he took in what he had just heard. "I understand that Colonel Mustang plans to be the next Führer but..." He raised his head so he could stare at Riza. "Even if he succeeds, as long as the country remains as a military dictatorship it's only a matter of time before there's another civil war or more conflicts with rival nations. Maybe he would do a better job of protecting this country, but in the end we would still end up killing people from other countries."

"That's true." Riza focused her gaze on her abandoned mug. "Our first priority should be to restore the power of the parliament, which right now is just the puppet of the military, and thus move this country toward democracy. Then we could negotiate with other nations to reduce our armaments and find a way in which we can all survive. Maybe that is the only way. Reducing armaments also means abolishing the state alchemist system."

"I see..." Ed mulled over each of Riza's words until a conclusion came to his mind, leaving him surprised and extremely worried. "Wait! That means...!"

Riza raised her gaze and replied in a serious tone. "Yes. Those who were praised as heroes during wartime will be seen as murderers when there is peace. Not only the Colonel, even people like Dr. Knox, who conducted experiments on human beings. I too could end up on trial for the injustices I committed on Ishval."

Ed began to get a little exalted. To imagine that people like Roy and Riza, whom he sincerely liked and tended to live with regularly, were heading down such a path made him uneasy. "The Colonel knows that, and yet he's still aiming for the top? Then that means he's following a path of self-destruction!"

"He swore to protect those below him. Knowing him, he will use any means necessary to defend his subordinates to prevent them from being implicated."

Ed clenched his fist of flesh and blood. "But the cause of the civil war was Envy shooting and murdering that Ishvalan girl. The homunculi are the ones who orchestrated everything from the shadows. It's not fair that the Colonel and you have to be punished!"

Although Riza was touched by the sincere concern in Edward's look and tone, she looked at him firmly and resolutely. "The homunculi may be the ones who started the war, but we were the ones who carried it out. The Colonel, myself and no doubt Brigadier General Hughes have felt the same way. We ended the lives of countless people. We have no right to choose when to end our own lives." As if he had understood the meaning of his owner's words, Black Hayate gave a brief whine. "That's why we at least want the next generation to be able to laugh and live a happy existence." Riza added warmly as she remembered her son for a moment.

Ed's fist did not relent its pressure. He could not assimilate the idea that someone like Lieutenant Hawkeye, who had always been so kind and attentive to him, could be imprisoned or sentenced to death for her involvement in the Ishval war. Ed's eyes shone brightly causing a warm feeling in Riza. Did the boy appreciate her as much as she appreciated him?

"But... that's not fair. That's not right! Of course he wants the world to be a better place but doesn't he want to be happy too?!" He exclaimed without bothering to disguise the growing concern he was feeling. He couldn't control it, for some strange reason he felt a pang in his chest at the thought of a terrible future for the Lieutenant. Making an effort to dissuade her, he added. "Self-sacrifice is nothing more than self-gratification."

Riza picked up the weapon she had laid on the table and ran her hands over it. "This isn't about martyrdom because since we survived Ishval's, we feel this is our duty. You're like that too, aren't you, Edward?" Riza gave him a warm smile. "Until Alphonse gets his body back, you're putting all your own needs second, aren't you?" Ed looked down, unable to find another argument at the moment. "Instead of worrying about us, shouldn't you be thinking about the things you still have to do? Like getting Alphonse's original body back and yours."

Seeing the slightly sad expression Edward wore since she told him Roy's full plans, Riza couldn't contain herself and got up from her chair to pat him on the head and then place her hand on his right shoulder, causing the boy to look at her. "I'm sure there are a lot of people who are looking forward to the day when you both get your bodies back."

Ed stared at her for a few seconds then lowered his gaze again and gave the hand the Lieutenant had placed on his shoulder a light squeeze. "Yes."

Noticing that Ed was a little calmer, Riza withdrew her hand and sat back down. "I'm sorry to have overwhelmed you even more after all you've been through the last few days."

Ed cracked a small smile trying to regain his usual demeanor. "You have nothing to apologize for. I was the one who wanted to know more about what really happened. Being in Resembool the information we got was basically based on village gossip. Even before they died, Winry's parents sent letters constantly but they always tried to omit as much as possible the details of the war so as not to worry Granny Pinako and Winry any more."

"Maybe it was better that you hadn't heard about the atrocities that happened in Ishval."

"At the time it might be, but I couldn't stay that way forever. There are still many things I am ignorant of so, as an alchemist myself, it is best to seek the truth of things no matter how hard it may be." Ed replied with a look full of determination. At his words Riza smiled and looked at him with a slightly amused expression. Noticing this, Ed asked her. "Is something wrong, Lieutenant?"

"It's nothing. It's just that for a moment you reminded me of my father."

"Oh." Ed replied not quite knowing what to say. Is that good or bad?

Noticing the expression of doubt on Edward's face, Riza said. "My father used to say that an alchemist is a creature who cannot live without pursuing the truth."

"Your father is an alchemist?"

"That's right, or rather he was because he's passed away."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't worry, it's been a few years." Taking advantage of the change in the topic of conversation, Riza let her curiosity get the better of her to ask. "Edward, what was your father like with you?"

Edward immediately snorted and folded his arms. "That bastard was too engrossed in his alchemy research that he hardly ever left his study. He left when we were so little that sometimes I'm not sure anymore if the 'memories' I have of him trying to play with us are real or I just imagined them."

"As I imagined, your father is also an active alchemist."

"Huh?"

"I was always in doubt as to whether your father was fully engaged in alchemy or if it was just a sort of hobby. I know you guys started learning alchemy from some books he left behind, but since you also had a teacher to teach you I came to believe that your father had only had a couple of books and the rest you learned on your own."

Ed put both hands behind his head and leaned his chair back slightly. "His study was full of fairly advanced alchemy books and when he left he left some of his research behind. Al and I glanced at it on a few occasions but since we only went through parts of it we didn't know precisely what it was that he was researching. We were focused on gathering information on human transmutation so we thought we could review it thoroughly when Mom..." Ed didn't finish the last sentence but Riza completed it for him in her mind.

"I see... You know, Edward, I get the impression that your father and mine are alike."

"Really? Why?" Ed asked as he returned the chair to its original position and rested his hands on the table.

"My mother died when I was a child and since then my father had no other purpose in life than his research. My earliest memories of him are when we played together but in the wake of my mother's death he changed radically and we ended up practically strangers. He barely spoke to me. I can't tell you he was a good father but at least he made sure I got a good education and, although we weren't exactly rich, I never lacked shelter or food. Well sure, I had to be the one to do the cooking but it could have been worse." Riza said.

"Lieutenant... so you, like me, hate your father?"

"It's complicated." Riza replied with a sigh. "My father left a big burden on me." She said thinking of the tattoo resting on her back. "But he truly believed that his research would help the world so I can't accuse him of devoting himself to something meaningless. Towards the end of his life, I can say that he had become almost a stranger to me, so it's probably best to say that I don't love him but I don't hate him either."

Ed nodded and drank the last of his tea, which was now completely cold. "Maybe it's better that way."

"Maybe. I recognize him as my father but I don't think about him much nowadays. However, the truth is that as time has gone on I've been thinking something regarding him." Ed looked at her curiously. " Parents can make a lot of mistakes." Involuntarily, Riza clenched a fist as she remembered her separation with her baby. "Maybe their own circumstances force them to but, while there are exceptions, it seems to me that most parents really care about their children… Only, of course, in their own way."

Ed looked down and was quiet for a few seconds thinking about Riza's words. "I guess that's the case with your father but..." Ed clenched his fists. "Hohenheim left us over ten years ago. He never wrote or called us. Try as we might, we couldn't find him when Mom got sick. If he was as good an alchemist as Mom used to say... he could have saved her."

Having his eyes slightly tilted down, Ed didn't notice the precise moment when Riza's face paled. She had gone quiet but Ed assumed she was just giving him time to think things over, even if he didn't want to.

Riza, for her part, had opened her eyes as wide as she could looking intently at Edward's face. No... it can't be... Suddenly she felt as if her mouth had gone completely dry and she had the sensation as if everything around her was moving. Old feelings that had been with her for 15 years began to fill her at that moment.

Making a supreme effort to make her mouth form words, Riza asked. "Ho-Hohenheim?" Ed looked up and was surprised to see Riza's face marked by an expression he couldn't decipher. Before he could ask if she was feeling alright, Riza continued, trying to put the emotions that were boggling her down at bay. "It's a strange name." She said in a tone that she hoped sounded casual.

Looking at her curiously, Ed replied. "Yes, but it suits him better 'bastard' anyway."

Remembering that she had read his birth certificate years ago, Riza asked. "Edward, why don't you carry your father's last name?"

Ed raised an eyebrow at both the question and the strange expression on Riza's face "What for? My mom and that bastard never got married."

"We are not married."

The tension in Riza's shoulders increased and she felt a lump form in her throat. Hohenheim... Edward... my son is Edward's age... Letting her heart rule her more than her mind, Riza ventured to probe a little further. "I've always been curious about the color of your eyes, did you inherit them from... your mother?" Riza said in a voice that was intended to be casual but cracked at the end, becoming almost a whisper.

Riza realized that Edward's look was revealing more concern for her strange attitude but at that moment she didn't care. The son she had thought lost could be sitting in front of her in those moments and could have been near her for the last almost 4 years without her knowing it... in the army that she and Roy had dragged him into. The lump in her throat intensified.

Ed didn't take his gaze from hers. "No." Riza's heart flipped. "That bastard monopolized Al and me, it wasn't enough with his eyes, he had to inherit our blond hair too." Trying to lighten the mood Ed sighed and added with a fond smile as he remembered his mother. "I would have loved to have had my mom's green eyes. In that sense Al was lucky. I'm pretty sure his eyes are the same shape as our mother's."

A young woman with long brown hair falling over one of her shoulders with a gentle voice and bright green eyes.

Riza couldn't take it anymore and stood up with a jolt, startling Ed in the process. Part of her wanted to pounce on him to hug him and never let go again but her rational side prevented her from doing so. Don't be so hasty, what if it's just a coincidence and you end up ruining your relationship with Edward and revealing your biggest secret in the process? Would you put up with this boy you cherish and love looking down on you for the atrocity you committed? But... he wouldn't. He was shocked by what I did in Ishval but he didn't reproach me or change his dealings with me. What's more, he cared about me and tried to dissuade me from following this path. Ha, you sure like to fool yourself! How do you think the guy who did the impossible to try to bring his mother back is going to react when you casually tell him that you willingly abandoned your son with a couple of strangers? That's going to be interesting to see.

"Lieutenant?" Ed asked doubtfully.

Edward's voice brought Riza out of her little internal debate. Diverting her gaze from his she said. "I'm a little dizzy. I'll be right back." She took a couple of steps towards the side Edward was sitting on since that direction was her bathroom, but the tension and nervousness caused her to wobble slightly, a situation that did not go unnoticed by the boy. Ed quickly stood up and held one of Riza's arms with his left hand to prevent her from falling.

A small hand clung to one of her fingers. Curious golden eyes watched her intently as the baby produced an unintelligible babble.

Involuntarily, Riza pulled away from the touch as if it burned her. Ed pulled his hand away without a word and looked down in embarrassment at his audacity. Riza gave him a regretful look before speaking. "I'm sorry. I'm fine." And without adding more she walked the short distance to her bathroom to lock herself in.

Ed stood in his place confused and somewhat regretful. He didn't understand what had happened to the Lieutenant all at once but he feared he had provoked it. He had caused her to recall the traumatic events she experienced on Ishval after a rather stressful few days. To his mind came the memory of what Al had told him had happened in his absence and he felt worse. Surely she had hardly rested these days and I only came to annoy her by making her remember things she would surely rather forget. Clenching his fists, Ed picked up his cup to wash it and then began to prepare some more tea for Riza.

As soon as Riza entered the bathroom, he quickly locked the door and turned on her sink faucet to let the water run freely. Staggering, she leaned against the sink and looked at herself in the mirror in front of her. The professional and unflappable First Lieutenant Hawkeye was trembling, her face was pale and her eyes were turning red from the tears she was holding back.

Riza sighed heavily and wet her face over and over trying to control her emotions. Edward Elric is my son? Did I have my son close to me and even to his father without myself knowing? Did I drag my own son into the military when it was the last thing I wanted for him? Riza patted her cheeks trying to put at bay the tears that insisted on wanting to spill over the more she thought about the situation.

"It's a boy!"

The cry of a baby waking her up every night until her son felt his mother's warmth.

"In a week I'll be out of Edward's life."

The cry of a baby seeking its mother's warmth as Riza walked further away from the very house she had given birth in, at the same time feeling her heart break.

"My name is Van Hohenheim."

"Their father abandoned them a few years ago and a year later their mother died"

Riza placed her hands on the sink again and clenched her knuckles tightly.

"Seriously now, did you really not notice? That kid's nose is identical to Colonel Mustang's."

The feeling of peace and warmth as she brushed Edward's long blond hair.

"My mom and that bastard never got married."

The pile of emotions she was feeling overcame her and Riza dropped to her knees on the floor, as she brought her hands to her face when some tears finally managed to come out. React, Riza. You're letting yourself go on mere assumptions. A soldier can't do that. Besides, what if you're just so desperate that you're seeing connections when there really aren't any? As much as Riza scolded herself, she couldn't completely control herself. She managed to get the tears at bay but her breathing was still a bit labored and the pain in her chest seemed to want to lodge there all night.

A knock on the door, brought her back to reality. "Lieutenant, are you all right? Do you need anything?" Ed asked worriedly.

Riza inhaled deeply to keep her voice from shaking. "I'm fine, Edward. I think it's a headache. I'll be out in a moment."

With her legs still wobbly, Riza stood up and leaned back against the sink. Again she washed her face and when she finished she turned off the water tap. She inhaled and exhaled several times trying to bring a sense of calm to the expression on her face. Pull yourself together, Riza. Edward can't realize the state a couple of sentences put you in. Don't make him ask you questions you don't want to answer.

Sighing deeply, Riza walked out of the bathroom trying to keep a calm expression. As soon as she set foot outside, Ed rose from his chair looking at her with concern. "How are you feeling, Lieutenant? Would you like me to go get you some medicine?"

Riza had the desire to place a hand on the boy's shoulder to reassure him but feared that that simple touch would plunge her completely back into the sea of confusion from which she was hardly emerging. "Thank you, Edward, but that's not necessary." Riza tried to smile but the smile didn't reach her eyes.

Ed looked at her not quite convinced of her words but nodded. "I made you some more tea. I didn't know what to do but I hope it helps." He said as he gestured with his head to the cup of steaming tea that sat in Riza's place.

"Thank you, Edward."

Edward looked at her silently before speaking again. "I'm sorry to have caused you so much inconvenience, Lieutenant. I shouldn't have disturbed you at this hour and, above all, I shouldn't have made you remember what happened on Ishval." He said with a regretful tone.

Have you seen what you provoke with your outbursts, Riza? Making a great effort, Riza tried to make the new smile she addressed to Edward more natural. "You have nothing to apologize for. Migraines are something that have been bothering me for a few years now. It was just an unfortunate coincidence." Riza lied.

Ed nodded a little calmer, "Okay. Either way I think I'd better leave, I've already taken up too much of your time." He said as he started towards the door.

Riza followed him and before Edward turned to say goodbye, she bent down and took Black Hayate in her arms. Edward didn't usually shake hands as a goodbye, but Riza preferred to be careful. She didn't feel ready to touch the boy fearing her memories would overwhelm her again.

Ed turned and asked her. "Will you be all right working as the Fuhrer's assistant?"

Seizing the moment to make Edward believe she was indeed feeling fine, Riza tried to joke. "Look on the bright side. As the Fuhrer's assistant, if he lets his guard down, I'll be able to slit his throat while he sleeps."

The joke seemed to have the expected effect as Ed let out a light chuckle and smiled. "Right, that's the bright side." Ed opened the door and walked out of the apartment. "Oh, I almost forgot. I have a message for the Colonel. Tell him Scar is still in the vicinity."

"Understood." Riza said as she leaned lightly against the door frame of her apartment.

Ed started to walk away a few steps before stopping to turn and look at Riza. "Lieutenant, thank you for telling me about Ishval."

Riza nodded and Ed continued on his way, waving his left hand over his shoulder by way of farewell.

Riza, for her part, stood watching Edward until he disappeared from her sight. The brief stability and tranquility she had shown in front of Edward had disappeared with every step the boy took.

Feeling a tear run down her cheek, Riza entered her apartment and closed the door and then leaned her back against it. Her arms began to tremble and Black Hayate gave a slight whine of concern at her owner's behavior.

Riza let her back slowly slide down the door until she sat on the floor. Knowing she was alone, the tears flowed freely so she let go of Black Hayate so she could cover her face. Her pet stayed by her side sniffing at her and whining occasionally but she didn't notice. Her mind was submerged in her memories, from the moment she first held her baby in her arms to the last part of the talk she had had with Edward moments before.

"Why?... Is Edward... really my son?... Did my beloved baby suffer so much because of me?" Riza wondered to herself in a low voice as her crying intensified in time with the pain in her chest.

Fragments of the history of the Elric brothers came to her mind. Their father (Van Hohenheim?) abandoned them when Edward was about 4 years old. Shortly thereafter their mother died. The boys continued to live alone in their home but visited the Rockbells constantly. From an early age they had to learn to take care of each other by making do with the money their parents had left for them. Riza, who had lost her mother as a child while her father became a stranger to her, felt her heart clench even tighter as she imagined the possibility that her son had gone through the same sense of pain and longing at being orphaned.

Although she understood the pain of losing a parent, Riza felt even more miserable as she imagined the terrible pain and despair when Edward watched his brother disappear before his eyes as he lost his own leg. Add to that the subsequent pain of losing his arm and the torturous process of installing automail...

Riza squeezed her eyes tightly shut, brought her hands up and pulled her hair. What did I do? It's all my fault... MY fault...

Seeing that his gestures were not working, Black Hayate got up on two legs so that he could rest his forelegs on Riza's shoulder to begin licking her face.

In the midst of her pain and confusion, Riza could feel the wetness of her pet's tongue. Loosening her grip, she opened her eyes and watched Black Hayate's dark eyes that seemed to look at her with concern. A listless smile appeared on her lips. "I don't even deserve you."

In response, Black Hayate whined once more and continued to lick her.

Unable to pull away from that display of affection, Riza pulled her pet to her so she could hug him. She continued to cry for a few more minutes, until Black Hayate's closeness began to soothe her, causing her thoughts to sort themselves out a bit.

Eyes still sparkling, Riza pulled away from her pet to pat him on the head as she gave him a loving smile. "Thank you."

Black Hayate just looked at her curiously and sat down next to her.

Riza gave a big sigh to focus. "I'm an idiot right?" she said to herself. "I'm not even sure and I'm already sinking into tears." She smiled bitterly. And what are you going to do if he really is your son? Her treacherous mind answered her. Riza bit her lower lip and stood up as she ran a hand over her face to wipe away the trace of tears.

With hesitant steps, Riza approached the boxes that still contained most of her belongings. Knowing full well where what she was looking for was, she pushed one box away from on top of another to gain access to the bottom one. Getting down on his knees, she opened the box and began to push some things aside until she pulled out what she was looking for: the old, small box in which she kept her most important keepsakes.

With trembling hands, Riza opened the little box. She brushed her fingers over the necklace that years before Roy had given her, but at that moment the necklace was not her goal. She reached to the bottom of the small box and took in her hand the photo that rested there.

Closing her eyes to prepare herself, Riza took out the photo and placed it in front of her. She let a few seconds pass to prepare herself and finally opened her eyes. Her son's bright golden eyes seemed to be looking back at her but now everything was strange. She was trying to avoid it but her mind seemed to want to play with her so that a few seconds later the image of Edward Elric seemed to want to intercut with that of her son. The shape of the golden eyes of both were identical but while ones were shining with innocence and curiosity, the ones that were overlapping were shining with determination, plus the innocence seemed to be replaced by sadness and regret for the traumas he had gone through since he was so young. She couldn't take it anymore and returned the photograph to its original place.

Riza stood up and sat down in the chair she had occupied earlier. Without planning to do so her gaze focused on the teacup resting there. No doubt the liquid had already gone cold but a smile graced her lips. He's a good boy. She reached out one of her hands and held the cup to take a couple of sips. Despite being cold, it strangely gave her a sense of relief. Quietly she continued until she finished it.

As if the drink had been a sort of momentary shield, as soon as she deposited the cup on the table, her mind was once again filled with thoughts of Edward. When he goes to the office he almost always ends up scowling at Roy's jokes but when he actually smiles… his smile is identical to Roy's. Her heart raced as she remembered over and over again how, during Edward's early days as a state alchemist, Havoc had insisted several times that the boy had the colonel's nose. Besides, she herself had repeatedly thought that the arguments Edward and Roy often had were due to the fact that they both had similar characters. And so various memories and ideas came to her mind until she decided to put a stop to them.

"I need answers." She muttered to herself but loud enough for Black Hayate, who had been leaning near the entrance, to raise his head. "There must be a way to get to the truth of all this."

Riza glanced at the clock resting on one of the walls of her apartment. It was almost midnight. Even though official business hours were over, she knew that Central Command was still open but it was too risky to go at that hour. As Bradley's new designated assistant, it was easy to assume that any striking change in her routine would attract attention, which could unnecessarily endanger herself and even Edward. She therefore desisted from carrying out her idea at that precise moment. It was not easy to endure the waiting (she was sure she would hardly be able to sleep that night) but she would have to do it. As soon as she could, the next day she would get the information she needed to try to get the answers she longed for.

Staring sadly at the empty cup, Riza muttered. "I'm not sure, but if anyone has the answers I need it must be her."