1st December (continued…)
Katy,
I've never been very good with emotions and telling people how I feel. I didn't even know what love felt like until the day I first saw you, looking petrified as the Sorting Hat almost made you a hat stall before choosing. I prayed so hard that you would be in Gryffindor. Then you looked up at me and smiled and all my 13-year-old-me wishes had come true all at once.
You fascinate me. You are different than any other person that I've met and that excites me. I admire that you can stand up for yourself and I find it absolutely hilarious what you said to Snape. I couldn't help but feel proud, that there was potentially a little bit of me in those actions. Then when we were in those detentions together, firstly with Snape, you didn't take any crap from him! You weren't like that before; you've got this new confidence about you that tells everyone that you don't give a shit what other people think. Then again when McGonagall asked you to write the apology letters, I don't know what you wrote, but I gathered that it got you into trouble. I hope it was really mean and told Snape exactly what he is – a greasy knob-head who needs to learn how to treat people with a bit of respect. From what I hear, you definitely showed him.
And look at you. I have seen you change. You're beautiful. Don't ever forget that. If you do, I'll happily remind you every day for the rest of my life. (Yes, that includes when you're running about with no makeup on and your hair not done.) I will always think you are perfect.
No one knows this, but I have been a therapist to talk about my issues with Wood. I deserved the punches I got. I deserve a lot worse. I have no idea what I have put you through and all I can do is apologise and try to make up for it. The thought of making you cry makes me feel awful and I often believe that there are other people who are better for you. But my therapist keeps telling me to wait for you because my heart belongs to you, always has, always will. You never forget your first love.
I know you're bound to ask and you probably want to murder me for this, but I am going to write my apology about Alicia now… Please don't ask me what I was thinking, because I wasn't. I saw you receive a letter from Wood and I saw how happy it made you. It made me think about the two of you being together, how he kissed you, flirted with you, held your hand and ultimately treated you in the worst way possible. Which made me act in the worst way possible out of pure jealousy. I promise that if I ever get the chance to get you back, I will treat you like my princess and I will never look elsewhere. I swear. If you ultimately decide that you can't forgive me (which I really hope you don't) I will understand that I am the one who is not good enough, and after a fight, cause I will fight for you, I will let you go, if that is what you really want...
I also want to write about your birthday, which started off really well and ended as the worst day of my life. I smile whenever I think of you that morning, with you walking down the stairs with a face on you because Ginny woke you up too early! You were just so happy (after we fed you and gave you coffee), even though it poured and we had a stupid indoor picnic and played the prototype together, which I still hope you have, but if you burnt it or something, I understand, and I gave you that jar... That's the last time I remember the two of us being alone together and happy. I should have kissed you, but perhaps it was too early? I replay the times we shared together and I wonder where I could have done better but then there are so many memories that are simply perfect. I don't think I could pick my favourite memory, but the time I spent with you in detention with McGonagall last year is high up there.
My therapist somehow thinks you're the sort of person who forgives people who don't deserve to be forgiven. I believe I am one of those candidates. She also said that writing a letter would give you the chance to read at your leisure, where I could apologise for everything and just get it all out in the open. I am on my knees (literally) begging for your forgiveness in the longest essay I have ever written (again, literally). Fred has even asked me what's wrong because I've been quiet for so long. When I told him that I was writing to you, he told me to take all the time I need. He understands how much you mean to me. I hope that one day you come to understand and feel the same as way I do.
We have waited four years to be together, I'm willing to wait a little bit longer.
All I need is one last chance and I promise I won't mess up.
All my love, George xxx
Without a second thought I opened up my trunk and lifted out the jar of messages from George and lifted one out which said, never give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about. I knew I had a lot to think about…