The Shadows of the Past

by Golden Flame 611

When 17-year-old Riza, recently enrolled in the military academy, gets pregnant by Roy, she must make the difficult decision to separate from her baby to protect him from the military and the consequences of breaking the anti-fraternization law. Years later, unaware of her son's whereabouts, he would return to her as the Fullmetal Alchemist, Edward Elric. (Parental, Royai, EdWin)

18. Confession

A/N: Hi!

We're back :D

We truly hope you had a wonderful holiday season with your loved ones. We wish you all the best for this new year.

We have reached an important moment that we think many of you were waiting for and to be honest was one of the moments that we wanted to write since we began with this idea.

We hope that you enjoy the chapter and please, don't hesitate to share your comments, suggestions, hypotheses or anything about our story :)

See you in two weeks!

Golden and Flame

Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist characters don't belong to us. We are just having fun with them.

---

Chapter 18. Confession

The next few days after Ed returned the gun to the lieutenant, the Elrics began to search for the little Mei in the hope that she could teach them her Alkahestry in order to defend themselves against the homunculi and even as a means of retrieving their bodies. However, they did not count on the fact that the little girl would suddenly leave Knox's house to go her own way. Therefore, during those days in Central, they spent their time asking around the streets for the little girl, using the drawings they had made of Mei's pet as a reference. Obviously Al's drawing was the closest to reality since Ed's artistic skills showed the little panda as a kind of fearsome alien.

After a few days of unsuccessful searching, the boys were beginning to get discouraged.

"We haven't found anything about that white and black cat." Ed sighed as he sat down on a bench. "We've wasted several days looking for it."

Al, who was standing next to him, said. "I don't think she's in Central anymore."

Ed looked again at the picture of the little panda he had drawn. "We should go back to the hotel." He said in a resigned tone.

They had barely started walking when a car pulled up beside them, from which they could hear a familiar voice.

"Fullmetal." Roy said.

Ed was surprised to hear him. "Hey, Colonel, how did you find us?"

With a look of disbelief on his face, Roy replied. "How? Easy, you can see Alphonse from anywhere."

Both brothers understood what the Colonel was referring to, so resignedly Al replied. "I understand now."

"What are you guys doing?" the Colonel asked them.

"We're trying to find someone, but we haven't been successful so we're about to head back to the hotel." Ed replied.

Roy moved closer to the window to hear them better. "I see. I have some unfinished business over there, if you'd like I can give you a ride."

The boys accepted the Colonel's offer as Ed was starting to feel tired from walking around all day looking for Mei without success. Al settled into the back seat of the car while Ed took the passenger seat. Once they were settled in, Roy started the vehicle and the boys shared the image of Mei's pet to tell him who they were looking for.

"If you can find any information about that cat or the girl, let us know." Ed said as he folded his arms.

"Okay. I'll ask around and see if I can find out anything." Roy said without taking his eyes off the road as he arranged the drawing in the glove compartment of the car.

"To tell you the truth, I don't want to owe you anything." Ed mentioned slightly annoyed.

"Too late. You still have an outstanding debt to pay." At that moment, Roy turned to look at Ed with a serious face as he held out his left hand. "Pay me back. I lent you money when we left the Führer's office."

Ed snorted as he reluctantly pulled out his wallet. "Tch! You didn't forget, I guess I have no choice."

Al couldn't help but feel some embarrassment at the situation he was witnessing. Two of the most powerful alchemists in all of Amestris were fighting over a few coins, when both were receiving incredible amounts of money for simply having their certifications.

" How much was it? 500 cenz?" Ed asked.

"Don't you try to get smart, it was 520 cenz." Roy replied.

Ed, resigned, contemplated the coins in his outstretched hand and at that moment remembered the conversation he had had with the Lieutenant, where she had told him everything that had really happened in Ishval, as well as the motivations and aspirations the Colonel had for becoming Führer. When he started working under the Colonel, he had always seen him as a cocky and arrogant guy who sought to do anything in exchange for rising through the ranks. As time went by, he realized that his first impression was not entirely true because, although his desire to climb the military ladder was evident, he always looked out for his subordinates, even in his own way supporting Al and him in their research.

The doubts that still prevailed about him were largely dispelled when he discovered what he had done for Maria Ross and how Al had told him that he had protected him, Lieutenant Hawkeye and Lieutenant Havoc. Although he still didn't accept his brother's and Winry's ideas that there was more than just a working relationship between the Lieutenant and the Colonel, he admitted that Mustang wasn't a bad guy, because if he was the Lieutenant probably would have shot him long ago. The way Riza had told him about the Colonel's plans had made him understand that they were both working towards a fixed goal without caring that they had to keep getting blood on their hands so that no one else would have to. All this regardless of the fact that they were walking directly towards their own death sentence.

Ed still could not and would not recognize that fate, regardless of all they had done during the war, it did not seem fair to him that in the future they would have to pay with their lives. Especially the Lieutenant, such a kind and intelligent person did not deserve that fate despite her mistakes. It obviously wasn't right that she and the Colonel had wiped out countless innocent people, but Ed couldn't blame them entirely. They were just following orders manipulated by the homunculi as were Major Armstrong and Brigadier General Hughes.

Ed knew he couldn't get the Lieutenant out of that idea at the moment, but he hoped that later he could convince her and the bastard Colonel to give up that part of their plan. After all, when the military was restructured and the country became a democracy, there would be a need for brave soldiers of integrity who were dedicated to truly protect the people from enemies and especially from corruption.

He knew that the road for Mustang to reach that goal would not be easy, but after hearing the Lieutenant's story and witnessing what the real Roy Mustang was like, he was convinced that he was the right man to lead this country and that was why he had decided to support him. So he decided to voice his support for him and at the same time remind him that he should not stray from that path.

Ed closed the palm of his hand that held the money he was going to pay the Colonel and looked at Roy decisively. "No. I'm not going to pay you yet. I'll pay you when you become Fuhrer, Colonel."

Roy looked out of the corner of his eye at Ed seriously. "Who told you about that?"

"Lieutenant Hawkeye told me... she also told me about Ishval."

Roy grew thoughtful. He definitely hadn't expected Riza to have told Ed about what happened in the war and about his aspirations. He didn't know her motives for confiding all that to a 15 year old but, to be honest, he would never have dared to do so. Despite the years that had passed, the wounds he had self-inflicted and especially those he had inflicted on the people of Ishval and on Riza, the one person who had entrusted him with such a powerful alchemical secret and whom he had let down, were still fresh as were the memories of the atrocities he had committed. Besides, he carried the guilt of having dragged Riza to that terrible place, not to mention that his best friend had been killed for helping him get to the top and that his own subordinates had been put in danger with one of them condemned to a wheelchair for getting involved in that dream.

The Elric brothers were very young but Roy knew they had already been through hell and a lot of things that boys their age should definitely never have gone through. Deep down he was fond of them and cared about them even though he would never say it out loud. For that reason, in his own way, he had helped them with their research and had tried to keep Ed away from the higher ups to prevent him from being used as a human weapon as he had been.

Despite the constant fights he had with Edward, he felt that deep down the boy appreciated and respected him, so he did not want to lose that from them when they found out about the monstrosities he had committed, not to mention that Ishval was too sensitive a subject he did not like to touch because it inevitably also made him remember what happened immediately afterwards: The night he had to destroy Riza's back and the subsequent argument he had with her when he found out he was the father of a child he could never take care of or watch over.

The fear he felt of losing the brothers' esteem and respect vanished as soon as Ed told him he wouldn't pay him until he became Führer. The boy was definitely giving him his vote of confidence by means of a promise, which to anyone else might be insignificant because of the amount of money, but not to Roy. It was just as important as the promise he had made together with Riza to improve the country to offer a place full of peace and happiness to the citizens of Amestris and, above all, to his son.

If he had any doubts about whether he should follow through with that goal, with Ed's support it became clear again the path that in the last few days had become clouded. He could not let down Riza, Hughes, his subordinates and now even the Elrics. He had to move forward for the sake of Amestris. So he would not hesitate to accept the promise of the eldest Elric.

For the rest of the drive, they remained silent and when they arrived at the hotel, Roy stopped the car for the boys to get out.

As soon as Edward got out of the car, Roy spoke to him. "Fullmetal."

"Hmm?"

Roy turned to look at him with decision in his gaze. "The money I lent you... I assure you I'll get it back."

Ed couldn't help but smile. Mustang has gotten the point of all this, so he'll stay focused on it and we'll probably have a bright future. "Well, when that happens I'll take care of borrowing more money from you and I'll pay you back when you turn Amestris into a democracy." Roy leaned against the steering wheel as Ed continued to talk. "When I get that money back to you, I'll ask you for more and make you promise me something else."

Roy sighed. That brat really wants me to stick to my plan and won't give me a break. He's too ambitious just like me. "In other words, you're not going to leave me alone for a long time."

"Exactly." So don't you ever think of doing anything foolish, Colonel bastard. Ed avoided saying it. "You'd better not worry the Lieutenant. And thanks for the ride."

That kid's into everything, even worrying about the Lieutenant. If it wasn't for him being a brat, I'd be worried and jealous. Joked Roy to himself. "Okay, see you later."

Roy's car began to move forward a few feet under the watchful eyes of the two brothers.

Well, I'm confident that the Colonel bastard won't give up so easily and that he'll achieve his goal in the end. Although I'll never admit it out loud, the colonel isn't altogether a bad fellow. Ed's thought was abruptly interrupted when Roy's car pulled up ahead to wave and start flirting with a beautiful woman who was standing on the side of the street waiting for him. After exchanging a few words, the couple got into the car to drive away, leaving the two boys dumbfounded.

"I didn't think the Colonel would have time or the desire for that after what has happened recently." Al commented in surprise.

"Hm so he had some unfinished business around here. Now I get what that bastard was referring to." Ed said a little grumpily. And just when I was already admitting that maybe he was a nice guy, well maybe he is as a soldier but apparently not as a man. Ed lowered his voice and walked over to Al. "And you still think there's something going on between the Lieutenant and him, little brother?"

Al sighed. "I'm not the only one who thinks so, brother, Winry agrees and if you'd seen what I'd you'd agree but... now I have to admit I have a little doubt about it."

"Come on, Al, aren't you seeing him?" Ed asked incredulously.

"Of course I'm seeing him, that's why I'm telling you I have a little doubt. But I still still think there's something going on between them."

Ed snorted. "Whatever you say, Al. We'd better go inside and get some rest."

---

After confirming that Edward was the child she had had to abandon, the next few days were complicated for Riza. She felt great joy to know where her son was, to know that he was healthy and growing into a fine man. However, she could not help but feel more guilty than she had felt when she abandoned him, knowing that her only son had suffered so much since he was so young. Sufferings that she could well have avoided if only she had had the courage to look for another alternative to keep him by her side. Why did you want him by your side? To be hiding from the military all the time? To live day by day with the uncertainty that they would kill him, Roy and even you? Or at best, to starve him to death by not having the means to support him? Riza shook her head to try to shake off the thoughts that had been haunting her since her discovery and had not allowed her to get a bit of rest the last few nights.

It was 7pm and, fortunately, she was already in her apartment trying to relax, to find some peace without much success. She was sitting on her couch with a cup of chamomile tea in one hand and, unable to help herself, the photograph of her newborn son in the other. She knew she didn't deserve to cherish that memory, that she wasn't worthy of it for all the bad things she had done, but now that she knew that little boy's youthful face, something inside her inevitably compelled her to stare at the photograph for hours.

She took a sip of her tea and set the cup down on the small coffee table and with both hands she pulled the image of her son close to her chest to embrace it. "Edward, my son, how could I have let all that happen to you? How could I not realize that you were the little boy I had left behind?" Unable to help it any longer, tears began to spill down her cheeks.

"From the beginning I felt something special for you, but I ignored it believing it was because of all you had been through or because all the blond children I saw reminded me of you. The first time I made stew for you was one of the best afternoons I had spent in a long time thanks to you and Alphonse's company... The time I helped you comb your hair, I also felt very comfortable, calm and even joyful. Now I understand that, in part, it was due to the famous blood call and I had been ignoring it." Riza squeezed her eyes shut at the flood of Edward's memories that crossed her mind. "You don't know how badly I want to hug you, to kiss you, to apologize and tell you how much I love you, but... I don't know if it's right to do so." She sobbed lightly. "Despite my great desire to tell you the truth, I don't feel I have the right to disrupt your life with a confession like this... or maybe it's fear of the military finding out? Or is it rather fear of your reaction? Fear of your rejection that I have well deserved?"

Noticing how shaky and unsteady her voice had become, Riza stopped talking to herself and focused on her internal debate with her thoughts. What should I do? If I tell you I might turn your life upside down but at least you would find out the truth from me, because if for some reason you found out from somewhere else, you would probably hate me even more.

Riza sat quietly for a few more minutes, grappling with her thoughts and feelings, in the company of her faithful furry friend who rubbed himself against her leg in comfort, to which she reciprocated with a few pats. "I wonder what would happen if you understood everything I've done? Would you still stay by my side, Hayate?"

The little dog only barked happily and moved back to her leg to comfort her, which made her smile slightly. "Thanks, little buddy."

Moments later someone was heard knocking at the door. Immediately Black Hayate stood up and upon detecting the familiar scent of the person, he began barking happily and wagging his tail from side to side. Who could it be? Riza wondered as she stood up and wiped away the rest of her tears to prevent the person behind the door from noticing. From her dog's behavior, she could tell it was someone familiar and not a stranger, so she refrained from reaching for her gun and just checked through the peephole to see who her visitor was. To her surprise, it was the person who had become the focus of all her thoughts.

Edward. Her heart skipped a beat. She didn't feel ready to see him again without her feelings overpowering her and making her do something foolish. But her maternal side was screaming for her not to miss the opportunity to spend even a few minutes with her son.

"Lieutenant? Are you home?" Ed interrupted her internal dialogue when he received no response.

Riza shook her head and took a deep breath before opening the door, trying to keep Black Hayate at bay so he wouldn't bring the boy down again. "Edward, what a pleasant surprise! Please come in."

Ed gave a small bow before entering the apartment. "Thank you, Lieutenant. Sorry for the inconvenience."

Lieutenant... I never thought that title would weigh so heavily on me hearing it from my own son, now that I would selfishly love to hear him call me by what I really am to him.

"Lieutenant, are you all right?" Ed asked with concern when he received no response from Riza and seeing her so scattered in thought. "Did Bradley do something to you?"

Riza blinked several times to focus on the present. My son worries about me without knowing who I really am. Maybe I have a chance.

"No, I'm fine, Edward. Sorry, I've been a little distracted." Riza replied trying to sound as sincere as possible and smiling slightly.

Ed crossed his arms and asked her in an incredulous tone. "Really?"

Riza's heart skipped a beat again at Ed's concern and she smiled again as she noticed the boy's sincere concern. "Yes, don't worry. Please have a seat and let me get you something to drink. What would you prefer, tea, water or juice?"

Ed started to sit down in a chair at the small table. "Tea is fine, thank you." He said flashing a small smile that Riza couldn't help but associate with Roy's. He's definitely our boy.

Ed petted Black Hayate a little while Riza prepared the tea. When she returned with two cups, she placed one in front of him and sat down in the other chair. Black Hayate, for his part, walked over to his water dish, drank some and leaned back in a corner of the apartment.

Turning an affectionate glance at Edward, Riza said. "I'm glad to have you around, Edward, to what do I owe this pleasant visit?"

Ed started scratching the back of his neck, a clear sign that he was nervous. Just like Roy used to do when we were a couple of teenagers in love. Riza thought with a certain wistfulness.

"Well... tomorrow Al and I will be leaving for the North in search of some clues to retrieve our bodies and the last time we saw each other I noticed you weren't feeling well... it was probably because of the issues I made you remember, for which I apologize. I am very sorry for bringing back those bad times and well... I honestly didn't want to leave without making sure you were feeling better. Especially now that you have to work as Bradley's assistant." Ed replied with concern.

"I appreciate your concern, Edward, but you have nothing to apologize for or worry about. As I told you that day, I was just tired from everything that had happened-"

"Please, Lieutenant, don't lie. Something tells me that you have not rested well in the last few days and I can tell by your face that you have been crying. You have always been looking out for my brother and me, let me help you now." Ed interrupted her looking into her eyes with great determination and concern.

Edward, I really don't deserve you. You are a wonderful and very sensitive boy like your father. He was the only one capable of noticing when something happened to me. Riza felt her heart constrict and her emotions begin to take hold of her. She ducked her head to avoid looking him in the eyes, trying to regain her composure as her mind was struggling to remind her of the last time she had seen that golden gaze before abandoning her son. Come on, Riza, stay focused, you have no right to ruin the boy's life. But what if what he needs now is his mother? Now you want to act as his mother? You lost that right too long ago.

Riza began to inhale deeply, squeezing her eyes shut to keep the tears that had re-formed in her eyes from spilling over. Ed was troubled to see the Lieutenant that way so he placed his left hand on top of Riza's which was on the table.

"Lieutenant, please tell me what's wrong. Can I help you?" Ed insisted. He didn't understand why, but something inside him ached to see Riza in that state.

She, feeling the warmth of her son's hand couldn't take it anymore and began to sob, in the process pulling her hand away from Edward's to cover her face. The boy immediately stood up and approached her. Seeing her in such a vulnerable state hurt him deeply so, without thinking, he ended up hugging her out of instinct. Riza did not hesitate to return the embrace and it made her remember the last time she had had the joy of hugging her son that way, of having him close to her, when with his little hand he would take one of her fingers and look at her with his beautiful and curious golden eyes. It was too much for her so, against the best of her judgments, her thoughts materialized into words before she could stop them.

"Forgive me, Edward, please forgive me." She began to plead between sobs.

Ed was confused at her plea. "But I have nothing to forgive you for, Lieutenant. On the contrary, I have much to thank you for your attentions to me and my brother."

She shook her head. "No, Edward. You have no idea what I'm talking about."

"If it's about your involvement with Ishval, I don't blame you and I'm not going to treat you differently because of it. You've proven yourself to be a good person who lived through a nightmare over there and who, despite the difficulties, is willing to do everything in her power to prevent anyone else from going through it..."

Riza shook her head again and tightened her embrace. "No, that's not it either."

Ed was still surprised by the Lieutenant's behavior, but he didn't pull away from the hug, there was something about that gesture that he found comforting and to some extent inexplicably familiar. The warmth that Riza transmitted to him with the hug and the scent of her appeared to be remembered but he had no idea from where, since it was the first time they both shared a hug.

"So, what is it all about? Please tell me, Lieutenant. That might help you feel better, besides I already told you I don't like living in ignorance."

Riza remained silent for a few seconds, enjoying her son's closeness a little longer before reluctantly pulling away. She inhaled deeply to gather all her strength for what she was about to tell him. She looked him in the eye and decided to speak before she regretted it.

"Edward, you're probably not going to believe what I'm going to tell you next, but I swear it's the truth."

Ed laughed lightly. "Come on, Lieutenant, why wouldn't I believe you? You're not a person who is known to be a liar, quite the opposite."

Terrified at the thought of taking that smile away from her son, Riza had to take one more deep breath before continuing. "Before I say it, I want to apologize that this will probably affect you, but I can't keep it in my chest anymore."

Why would it affect me? What would the Lieutenant be referring to? Ed questioned in his mind. "I don't understand, Lieutenant." Ed said totally confused.

"Edward, after the talk we had the other night... I found out something very important that I didn't expect and that I thought I might never know about again. You see... I... have a son."

At the news, Ed couldn't help but be surprised. Even though the Lieutenant was young, he wouldn't doubt that she could be the mother of a little one, but he knew she wasn't married and he was pretty sure she didn't have a boyfriend. So his first guess was that maybe she'd had him a few years ago and the baby's father had taken him away from her, so he dared to ask. "So where is he?"

Involuntarily, Riza began wringing her hands to control her nerves. The moment was approaching that could forever change both of their lives. "For many years I thought I could never locate him again because... I abandoned him when he was a newborn to protect him." She said with her voice cracking.

"Protect him? From what or who?" Ed asked still confused. He didn't understand anything and had no idea why Riza was telling him such a sensitive subject and, above all, had begged his forgiveness before she began her tale.

"From the military... his life was in danger if they discovered my pregnancy, so I had to move away and hide to have my baby, and at two weeks old..." A sob escaped her throat. "With all the pain in my soul... I left him with a beautiful couple who helped me during the birth and who agreed to take care of him."

"But why would the military attempt on your child? I've seen active duty military women have their children."

"Because the father of my baby is a member of the military and, therefore, my pregnancy would be judged as breaking anti-fraternization laws." Riza replied as she tried to get past the lump in her throat that was forming. "For that reason, I had to make the decision to take my son away from the military to get him to safety and for many years I didn't know what had become of him because I lost track of the couple who agreed to take care of him." She ran a hand over her face to wipe away some of the tears that were still running down her cheeks. "That was until the other night you and I talked."

Ed was still perplexed, he didn't understand where this was all going, but he couldn't help but feel shocked at the news that the Lieutenant had a son that she had had to give up to save his life. Why did such a good person like her have to suffer so much? "How did the talk we had the other time help you find the trail of your son?"

Feeling her heart pounding intensely, Riza replied. "When you told me your father's name I was able to realize that my son has been closer than I could have imagined."

"What does that worthless bastard Hohenheim have to do with this?" Ed asked slightly grumpily at the thought of his father.

Stop! Say no more! You still have time to take it back, you're surely going to ruin Edward's life! Riza closed her eyes and bit her lower lip for a few seconds. Even though her mind was screaming at her not to do it she was practically one step away from telling her son the truth and, in her mind, there was no turning back now. I can't keep it to myself any longer... With a deep breath, Riza opened her eyes, which were still shedding continuous tears. "He was the one who helped me in childbirth along with your mother. Thanks to them I am still alive and they were also kind enough to agree to raise my child." Riza looked intensely into his eyes, trying to convey love, affection, regret and joy. Ed, for his part, had put aside the slight annoyance he had felt at the mention of Hohenheim thanks to the disbelief and surprise that was completely taking over him. Had he and his mother met the Lieutenant? What the hell was going on here?

Riza maintained her loving expression even though inside she felt waves of panic as she noticed Ed's expression of disbelief. Straining not to regret it at the last moment, Riza cracked a smile that lit up her gaze as she uttered the words that would seal both of their futures. "Edward, you are the son I lost track of many years ago."

Ed froze and his eyes widened as wide as they could go. He definitely hadn't expected news like that, plus he couldn't believe it was true. He had no doubts that the Lieutenant had a son as her pain and regret at being separated from him seemed genuine but... that he was precisely that son she had had to abandon... It couldn't be possible. His mother was Trisha Elric. The woman who always loved him and showed her immense affection for him at every moment.

After taking a few seconds to clear the sea of thoughts that had been unleashed in his mind, Ed said in a tone that was meant to sound casual and friendly but had certain oscillations that denoted the beginnings of his inner turmoil. "Come on, Lieutenant, how could that be possible? How could someone as good as you have a guy full of flaws like me? All that's left is for you to tell me that your son's father is the Colonel Bastard." Ed said this last sentence in a joking tone, trying to lighten the mood.

However, Riza's tone of voice, though soft and shaky, left no doubt that she was completely serious. "That's right, Edward. The father of my child is Roy Mustang and I have no doubt that you are that baby I had to keep out of my life." Knowing that she had already revealed the most important parts of her past, Riza couldn't hold his gaze any longer so she ducked her head slightly as the tears continued to flow relentlessly.

Ed couldn't believe what he was hearing, he was the son of Riza Hawkeye and Roy Mustang? That couldn't be possible. They both looked too young to already have a 15 year old teenager. Besides, that would mean that the pair had known each other for a long time, but most of all, he couldn't believe that he wasn't Trisha Elric's biological son. It couldn't be true. He really appreciated the Lieutenant but if she was his biological mother... What about all those years in which he proudly believed himself to be Trisha Elric's son? Had he always lived a lie?

Ed brought automail's hand to his head burying it in his hair, at the same time shaking his head. "That can't be true, maybe you' re confusing me. I am the son of Trisha Elric and the bastard Van Hohenheim. Even, to my bad luck, I inherited much more from him than from her. Besides, Lieutenant, you are too young to have a son my age."

Riza replied after lifting her face enough to meet her son's golden gaze. "Edward, I'm sure I'm not confusing you. You inherited my hair color and the golden eyes come from my maternal great-grandfather." Instinctively Ed took quick glances at the Lieutenant's hair and his own, comparing them. He swallowed saliva as he noticed the undeniable similarity. "Since those features were what were most predominant in you and since they were very similar to Hohenheim's, I dared to ask him and Trisha to take care of you because you would pass as their son without any problems... and yes, I know I'm still a bit young, but when I had you I was only 17... I was practically still a teenager but that didn't stop me from loving you from the first moment I held you in my arms. What's more, I grew attached to you from those times when I felt you in my belly and caressed you during my pregnancy." Riza offered him a small nostalgic smile and tried to reach a hand towards Edward but the boy was slightly startled causing her to return his hand to her lap as a couple more tears escaped her.

Feeling guilty for the expression of sadness he had unintentionally provoked in Riza, Ed took a deep breath to calm himself and slowly walked over to the chair he was previously occupying to sit down again as his legs were threatening to fail him at any moment. He put his hands to his head and bent down trying to process the information he had just received. "If this you are telling me is true, why didn't my parents tell me anything?"

Raising her head slightly to get a better look at Ed, Riza felt the tears flow faster as she noticed the state the boy was in. "You were too little to be told something as delicate as this. Besides, I'm sure Trisha never made any difference with her affection between you and Alphonse."

"No, she never did, that's why I can't believe it." Ed said with a tone that showed pain.

Edward's tone broke Riza's heart. The last thing she wanted was to make her son suffer more. He'll never accept you and to top it off, you've hurt him. You destroyed one of the only bonds that made him happy and all because you wanted to tell him the truth. You selfish woman! "I... I'm so sorry, Edward. I shouldn't have told you this... I should have kept quiet." Riza said with her voice cracking.

Ed lifted his head slightly to look at Riza and could tell she was hurting just as he was. "Do you have any other way to prove what you are telling me?" Ed asked having a slight hope that there was some confusion and not because he despised Riza, but because he could not assimilate the fact that the woman who had raised him, the one he had always considered his mother, the woman that he cried intensely for when she passed away, really had no blood tie to him.

"The day after our conversation I dared to give Pinako Rockbell a call." Ed's eyes widened at hearing the name of someone so close to him. "She obviously wasn't too happy about having to talk to me but it helped confirm my suspicions about you. She is aware that I am your birth mother." Noticing that Edward's state of denial had wavered slightly at what she had said but not enough for him to fully believe her words, Riza stood up and walked slowly over to the small coffee table where the only photograph she kept of her son sat. She carefully picked it up to return to sit down to show it to Edward. "I know that at the moment I have no proof about my conversation with Mrs. Rockbell, but I want you to see this photograph, please. This is the only thing I allowed myself to keep of you."

Ed hesitantly took the photograph. He had not yet seen it but was afraid to look at the contents of it. He momentarily closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them for a closer look. As soon as he did, a lump formed in his throat. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. "This baby... it was me." He muttered as he recognized himself in the photograph. He couldn't forget what he looked like at that age because Trisha always took pictures of him and Al whenever she could (she was similar to Brigadier General Hughes in that respect) and, although most of the Elrics' pictures had been destroyed when they burned down their house, Granny Pinako had some of them along with Winry. He kept staring at the picture and a tear escaped him. Was there really no way to keep denying it? Was Trisha Elric nothing of his? "I remember that yellow blanket... it was my favorite when I was little. I liked to cover myself with it when I was scared of anything because I felt protected." Invaded by nostalgia, he let out a brief light, shaky laugh. "Even Al and I used to fight over it." How could the lieutenant possibly have a photograph of me? It can't be true that I'm her can't be!

"That blanket was the first gift I had for my baby... it was given to me or rather given to you by my best friend Rebeca when I was pregnant. She had even embroidered my initials in one corner, saying she wanted my baby to have something to remember me by when I was forced to leave you." Riza told him sadly.

Ed suddenly remembered that what Riza said was true, that blanket had the letters "RH" embroidered in one corner. When he was beginning to learn to read, he had once asked his mother... Trisha what those letters meant. She had gently explained to him that they were the initials of a very important person in his life, that that person loved him very much and that when the time came she would tell him about that person. At the time he did not give any importance to Trisha Elric's words, but now everything made sense. It all fit. He was that baby she had abandoned. He was not Trisha Elric's son. He did not carry her blood. Trisha Elric had not given him life. He was not really an Elric. His heart was squeezing continuously and pounding intensely as a million questions began to swirl in that instant along with a confusing mix of feelings.

"Al... is he your son too?" Ed asked quietly, almost in a whisper.

"No, he is Trisha and Hohenheim's son. Although, I would have been just as honored to have a boy like him along with you."

Ed placed the photograph on the table and settled his elbows on the surface to take his head down. New tears began to accompany the lone tear that had escaped him earlier. Al is nothing of mine either. He's not my brother. We don't have the same blood. I dragged him into a terrible fate by unnecessarily meddling in his life. I shouldn't have been with him to drag him into that damn transmutation. It can't be... Who the hell am I? Riza Hawkeye was his birth mother and with everything she was telling him there was no longer any doubt. He had tried to find something to deny what Riza was telling him but, from the beginning, inside he was aware that she would never lie to him about something so delicate.

Suddenly he remembered what Riza had told him a few minutes ago, about her being 17 when she had him, when she gave him life. Why so young? Was he the product of rape? She had confirmed to him that his attempted joke was reality, that his biological father was none other than Colonel Roy Mustang. Did that bastard take advantage of her? Just when I was already holding him in better regard. Ed clenched his fists tightly. Had that worthless bastard abandoned her? Was he just so unlucky that his adoptive father and now his biological father were worthless bastards who had left their partners? Ed couldn't help but feel anger at such a realization. Even though he still couldn't quite accept the fact that Riza was his mother, he couldn't help but feel rage at the possibility that the guy who had fathered him had abandoned his poor mother to her fate when she was still very young. He felt his blood boil. That damn wretch. He clenched his fists tighter and then pounded them against the table as he raised his head to look at Riza. Her face was streaked with tears as was his.

Seeing anger in Edward's eyes, Riza couldn't help but panic and think the worst. He hates me. He won't want anything more to do with me. I deserve it. But before her train of thought continued, Ed spoke up. " You mentioned that my father is... that worthless Colonel." Ed said with obvious anger in his voice.

Riza only nodded as she felt unable to utter words at that moment. Forgive me, Roy. Because of me, our son hates you too and you are not to blame for that.

Ed swiped his arm across his face to wipe away some of his tears and clear his vision. "Did he...mdid he take advantage of you when you started working together? Did he take advantage of the fact that you were his subordinate?! Did that damn bastard force you to abandon me so that his damn military career wouldn't suffer?!" Ed tried to calm down, but in the end he almost screamed.

"Of course not!" Riza mustered all her strength to sound firm. "He would never do anything like that-"

"Don't lie! If he did, I'll see to it that he pays for all the damage he's done to you."

Riza was startled as she noticed the intensity of the hatred that was taking over Edward's gaze so she raised her voice as much as she could. "I'm not lying!" Riza paused when she saw that she had regained Edward's attention. At least I still have his regard for me. Could it be a sliver of hope?

Staring at Ed, Riza continued. "Roy and I have known each other since before we both entered the military. As I told you the other night, my father was an alchemist and Roy was his disciple." Ed's eyes began to fill with surprise and some curiosity, slowly pushing away the great hatred that was consuming him. "I met him when I was 12 or 13. After my mother passed away, my life was very sad and monotonous until I met Roy." Riza couldn't help but smile slightly. "From that moment on my life was filled with color. We became friends as time went by and later on we started dating. When he left to study at the academy, we maintained our relationship through letters. Since then his dream of helping Amestris and his true passion to achieve it, motivated me to follow him on that path. My big mistake was that I never shared with him my plan to support him directly because I wanted to surprise him. At that time I didn't have the slightest idea about the anti-fraternization laws." Riza clenched her right hand into a fist as she felt the typical surge of regret and guilt as she remembered her mistakes. "I... I lied to him. I told him I was going to college when I had actually enrolled in the military academy." Riza released the pressure on her hand and softened her gaze. "Shortly after I entered the academy, I found out you were coming." She cracked a slight smile that didn't last long as she knew how her story continued. "I also found out about those damn laws and that if I didn't do something I could have been forced to abort you, or your father and I could have been sent to prison or even the firing squad." Riza felt the lump in her throat grow larger. "I couldn't let them hurt you or your father, and although I really wanted to tell Roy that you were coming, I was afraid to tell him everything that was going on, so I refrained from doing so. I know he had every right to know that you were coming and that he would probably freak out that he would be a father so young, but I never doubted that he would support me because, the last time we were together, he had made it clear that he wanted to formalize with me in the future."

With a slightly calmer tone, Ed told her. "So, if you were so clear, why didn't you tell him?"

"Because I knew he would do everything he could to save you, no matter the cost. I knew that he would even give his life for you but that, whether dead or alive, he would be left with the uncertainty of whether they would really leave you and me alone." Riza said in a voice full of pain. "That's why I made the decision not to tell him about my pregnancy. I took a semester's leave before my pregnancy was noticed and went to a city in the North to hide, in Rivière to be more precise. There I met Trisha and Hohenheim who, as I told you, saved my life.

"Roy didn't know of your existence until after the war... there was a point where I could no longer bear what I had done and I told him the truth. I had seen him suffer before but honestly, I had never seen so much pain in him until that day..." New tears streamed down her cheeks. "I really hurt him and it took him years to finish accepting what I had done. To this day I don't know if he still holds a grudge against me for it... Despite how much I hurt him, we both agreed to work together to try to prevent what happened to Ishval from happening again, so that the citizens of Amestris would be happy, but most of all so that our son would have a better place to live."

Riza looked at him fondly but Ed couldn't hold her gaze so he ducked his head slightly. "So we put our personal issues aside and since then we have only had a professional relationship. I'm sure that every step he takes towards that goal he does it with you in mind. He didn't have the joy of knowing you when you were a baby because I took that away from him. The only thing he knows about you is from that photograph, but I have no doubt that he has also loved you as much as I have, because Edward..."

Ed lifted his head and Riza looked him straight in the eye. "You were not the product of abuse or one night of pleasure, I assure you of that. True, we were too young, but the love we felt for each other was pure and sincere. You are the product of that love and you don't know how much I regret not having made other choices. Had I really gone to college as I led Roy to believe, we surely would have married and I wouldn't have abandoned you..."

Riza paused to inhale deeply before continuing. "I know how much your father has suffered for being denied the joy of fatherhood. I could see it when the Brigadier General was telling him about Gracia's pregnancy and the birth of little Elicia... I could tell that even though he was sincerely happy for his friend, at the same time he felt a deep pain because he could not live that whole experience because I denied it to him! I took it away from him!" Riza sobbed heavily. "That's why I ask you, whatever hatred you may have for your origins, focus it on me. He is not to blame. If he had known of my pregnancy I am sure he would have moved sea and land to have us both by his side safe and sound, even if it cost him his own life. Please, Edward, forgive me, I am the only one to blame for all of this... I am aware that for you your mother has been and will continue to be Trisha Elric, because she has really earned that merit. I don't want you to think that I want to steal that title that I don't deserve it at all. But if there is any small chance that you will accept me in your life, even as your friend, I will gladly accept it. I will never try to impose myself on your life, but I do want you to know that your father and I have always loved you and have always had you in our thoughts."

Riza cracked a slight smile. "Even every birthday of yours we remembered, although I guess we have been celebrating different dates because you were actually born on December 18, but a problem at the civil registry in Resembool caused you to end up considering the date you were registered as your birthday. That was also why I didn't realize at first that you were my son. Ever since we went to see you in Resembool I had an inkling but your papers quickly snatched my hope away." She sighed heavily before once again cracking a slight smile full of affection and reassurance towards Edward. "What I want you to know and never forget is that we will always be there for you when you need us."

Ed was still totally confused with the amount of information he had just received in so few minutes. Images of all the times he had spent with Riza and Roy flashed through his mind at that moment. Now it turned out that both his parents were alive and that... they loved him. He didn't doubt the Lieutenant's words, but he was finding it difficult to assimilate the truth. Until a few minutes ago he had believed himself to be an Elric and now he had just learned that he was actually a Mustang.

When he felt he would have the strength to speak, he dared to ask. "He ... the Colonel knows that I ... " Ed still didn't feel capable of calling himself their son.

Riza shook her head. "He's not aware of this. Even I didn't know you were our son until our talk the other night. And with the current situation I can't have private conversations with him. If I had known earlier that you were my son... if I hadn't lost track of you when Trisha and Hohenheim returned to Resembool, I would have gone after you and Al immediately when she passed away. I naively believed that after a few years in the military, I could get out and go after you, but my initial plans did not include Ishval." She said bitterly and guiltily. "Had I known you were alone I would have gone for you without hesitation. Maybe I would have stopped you from doing the human transmutation or at least stopped Roy and I from dragging you into the military... I know he did it with the best of intentions to protect you from the higher ups to keep you from being used as a weapon, and to help you with your research, but if he had known the truth from the start too..." Riza sighed. "Forgive me, because of me you have suffered so much when my original plan was to protect you so you could be happy." She said in a defeated tone.

Ed remained silent for several minutes, shyly glancing at Riza occasionally. He could sense Riza's great suffering and now understood why he felt a special fondness for her. He remembered that when she helped him braid his hair, he felt very comfortable with her, feeling an inexplicable tranquility and security, and a sensation he could not describe, the same he felt every time she prepared stew for him and the same he felt moments before when he had hugged her. At the time he didn't understand it, but now it all made more sense. The warmth and affection of the embrace, the scent of her... he felt that he had felt it all before but he couldn't remember when. Incredible as it seemed, he was now sure that those sensations and feelings were vestiges of their memories together when he was just a newborn. He didn't understand how he could have those memories, but they were present. Was it the famous 'call of the blood'?

Even if he still wasn't sure how he felt about Riza knowing she was his birth mother, it was a little easier for him to associate her with maternal aspects but... What about Mustang? He had always seen him as someone who was smug, a bad joker and a procrastinator but, inwardly, Ed respected and appreciated him, and as much as he wanted to he couldn't deny that the colonel really did everything he could to protect and support both him and Al. But... from having that image of him to now seeing him as his father... that was something completely surreal and hard to take in. The thought that Mustang was his biological father and that he loved him was strange and even funny to him. He had never considered that the colonel was cut out to be a husband, let alone a father, and now it turned out that he was his father. He really was confused and didn't know how he felt about them at the moment.

Ed wiped away the trace of the tears he had shed earlier and bowed his head. "I don't know what to say right now." He said quietly.

Riza understood that her confession had been a very strong blow to the boy and she was aware that it might be the last time Ed would address to her, so she decided to tell him everything she felt at that moment.

"I understand you and, as I told you, I don't expect you to recognize me as your mother. I don't deserve it." Guided by her impulses, Riza stood up and walked over to Edward's chair. She crouched down slightly and reached out a trembling hand to the boy's chin to lift his face so she could look directly into his golden eyes, still shining from shed tears. "I just want you to know that you were a wanted and, most of all, much loved baby. I am also very proud of you, for the great boy and man you are becoming, although obviously that is pure merit to Trisha and I will never stop thanking her for taking care of you and loving you. However, I must say that from the moment I held you in my arms, I knew you would be a good man and just as handsome as your father."

To Riza's surprise, Edward did not pull her hand away and continued to stare at her with his golden eyes filled with an indecipherable mixture of emotions. "If he's my... well you know, we definitely have nothing in common." Ed grumbled slightly as he remembered the myriad of times the Colonel had made jokes with him as the target.

"You think so? Maybe you didn't inherit his most characteristic physical features, but I'm absolutely sure you have his nose, his chin, his smile and most of all his character. That's why I now understand why you two always go around arguing. Ever since you were born I always had a feeling that you would inherit his character and determination because you always loved to be hugged and pampered, just like him." Riza smiled slightly.

Ed was still in a state of denial even though a part of him told him she was right. He slowly turned his face away from Riza's hand and shifted his gaze to the opposite side of where she was. "I don't think so... " He paused. "I can't believe you two conceived a baby." He said in a low tone. "He keeps dating different women on your face."

Riza held the hand that had been holding her son's face to her chest. She knew that for the boy everything was difficult, that he was in denial and would look for any reason to keep rejecting reality. " Not everything is what it seems, Edward. When we were dating, he always respected me so I'm sure he never cheated on me. Now, with everything that happened, we only share a common goal and a professional relationship. Remember, he's an attractive, single man, so he's perfectly within his rights to date whomever he pleases." Although she wanted to sound firm her voice wavered at times. It pained her to admit that, even though he had confessed to her that those girls were just informants, she sometimes felt a little jealous but couldn't do anything about it as long as they were both still in the military.

Ed still couldn't quite accept that Riza was okay with the father of her child being a womanizer, but he decided not to go through with it. He already had too much to think about. "Okay." Was all he could say.

At that point he stood up, deciding that he had enough information that he needed to think it through. He needed time alone to think and assimilate his reality. Despite all the whirlwind of emotions surrounding him, he couldn't forget that even though the Lieutenant didn't know of their parentage, she was always looking out for him and Al. So, no matter how confused and hurt he felt at the moment, she didn't deserve that he behaved rudely. So, before his emotions got the better of him and drove him to that behavior he might perhaps regret, he decided it was time to back off.

Ed inhaled deeply. "I guess I'd better get going." He said, keeping his gaze on the ground.

"I understand." Riza felt a deep pain knowing that her son was leaving now that he already knew the truth, but she understood that it was too soon for him to accept her if he ever did. "Please, you and Al take good care of yourselves..." She had the overwhelming desire to at least place her hand on his shoulder but as she approached, Edward instinctively took a step back, causing her to recoil in regret. Her son was in pain and contact with her didn't seem to help. What did you expect? That in a couple of minutes he would recognize you as his mother, hug you and tell you that he loves you very much when YOU abandoned him? Riza momentarily closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, trying to control her thoughts before speaking again. "Remember that I don't plan to impose myself on your life and I will accept whatever you dispose, whether you want me in or out of your life I will respect that." She said with some regret but showing Ed that she was sincere.

The boy noticed Riza's hurt reaction when he pulled away from her touch, and although he had done it unconsciously, he couldn't force himself to apologize or to attempt any approach at that moment even though a small part of him was asking for it. Slowly Ed approached the door but before he opened it to leave, he turned around and looked up to take one last look at Riza. "Thank you for your understanding... You be careful too." Ed couldn't forget that the Lieutenant... that his mother was in constant danger and although he didn't have his feelings for her well defined, he didn't want anything bad to happen to her.

"Thank you for listening to me, Edward." Riza said, trying to crack a small sincere smile. Just as Ed was opening the door, she called out to him. "Edward, I just remembered that Mrs. Rockbell asked me, that if I dared to tell you the truth, to tell you to go see her when you could. Apparently she has something for you."

Ed nodded and without further ado left the apartment closing the door behind him, leaving a Riza equally if not more hurt than he was.

Riza stood for a few minutes in silence watching the door through which her son had just exited. Then, sighing, she walked over to her couch and plopped down heavily as her pet approached her from the corner where he had stayed during Edward's visit. "I did it, Hayate... Do you think he'll ever forgive me and I'll get a chance to hold him in my arms like what I really am to him?" Riza said sadly as she looked at her faithful friend.

Black Hayate barked as if he was affirming that this would happen as he reached out to comfort her, to which Riza responded by bending down to hug him. Soon after, she went to her keepsake box to take the necklace Roy had given her many years ago. She clasped it in her right hand and pulled it close to her chest, trying to imagine that Roy was there hugging her. Roy, I have found our son and told him the truth. I don't know if he will ever forgive me and accept us into his life as his parents. I also don't know when I will have the chance to tell you that Edward is the son I abandoned. I hid the truth from you once and I don't plan to do it once more, but as long as we are under the watchful eye of those monsters I won't be able to tell you. Maybe when this is all over I can share this news with you, but right now you don't know how much I need you. I know I told Edward that I would respect his decision about leaving me or not being present in his life, but it terrifies me to think that he doesn't want me in it. I don't know what I'm going to do to be able to keep my promise.

Minutes later, Riza went to her room and lay in her bed hugging the necklace as she replayed in her mind everything that had happened with Edward, until sleep finally claimed her.

---

"Hi, brother! How's the lieutenant?" Al asked as he saw his brother enter the hotel room they were in.

Ed was so lost in thought that he really didn't know how he had made it to his room. "Uh, ah she's better." He replied confused and not daring to look him in the eye, hoping that the time it had taken to get back to the hotel had been long enough for it not to be too obvious that he had cried when he was with the Lieutenant.

However, Al immediately noticed that something wasn't right with Edward. "Brother, are you all right?"

Unbidden, Ed flinched slightly when he heard Al's typical way of referring to him. Brother... Al, if you knew that we really aren't brothers, you would immediately stop calling me that and probably hate me because you lost your body because of me. You have a big heart and that's why you didn't hold any resentment against your 'brother', but what are you going to do when you know that an intruder caused you to lose your body?

Still not looking at him and walking so Al wouldn't have a chance to get a good look at him, Ed replied. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just tired and with a headache." Ed lied. "I'd better go to sleep because we've got a long trip ahead of us tomorrow." And without waiting for Al's response, Ed lay back on his bed, turning to the side to turn his back to Al and pretended to sleep, but in reality he was still going over what had transpired moments before.

He didn't know if he would ever recognize Riza Hawkeye and Roy Mustang as his parents, nor did he know if he hated them. He just felt immense pain knowing that so much of his life was a lie and that the person he always thought was his mother was really not.

He also couldn't help but remember that a few years ago, the Colonel had given him 'that talk' and had told him that he should be careful when falling in love with a girl, because sometimes innocent touches could lead to more serious things like pregnancy. He realized that what he had said to him back then was not only said for educational purposes but had been said out of his own experience. Inevitably those thoughts unleashed a doubt that struggled to gain a place within the swirl of thoughts swirling around in his mind: The Lieutenant had assured him that they both loved him and that he was the product of love and not just a moment of pleasure but... what if she alone thought that? What if to the Colonel he had only been the product of an accident that he regretted? In those moments, Ed really wanted to shake his head to get that train of thought away but he had to restrain himself lest he risk Al discovering that he was actually awake.

For lack of any other means, Ed squeezed his eyes tightly shut until the previous thoughts gave him a bit of a break, giving space to thoughts related to the relationship of... the colonel and the lieutenant. He remembered the way Riza practically begged him not to hate Roy for her abandonment, because she was the only one responsible for it. If the Lieutenant is so sure that Mustang is a good man... Could it be that the two of them really loved each other and still do despite all these years? Could it be true what Al and Winry think?

He kept thinking and different memories came to his mind of Roy and Riza helping, in their own way, Al and him in any way they could. Riza was always supportive of them, of that he had no doubt and although Roy wasn't as overtly affectionate with them, he recognized that he cared about them. Damn it! Trying to move slowly and quietly, he clenched his left hand into a fist. Why can't I hate them? Why does a part of me recognize that they've always been with me for as long as I've known them? But... why don't I feel able to recognize them as my parents? Why wasn't I able to tell the Lieutenant that I understood what she had done and that she shouldn't blame herself for it anymore? Did I really believe that? Could it be that I understood only because I thought her son was someone else? Why now that I know I am that son can't I have that same consideration towards her?

Ed stayed with his internal dialogue until the wee hours of the morning, which was when exhaustion finally claimed him and he was able to intermittently sleep for a couple of hours before he and Al had to leave for the train station. However, his internal debate about his origin was not over and he feared it would not be soon.