12th August

I crawled into bed beside Ginny around 2am. I sat thinking about a lot of things, like how I completely embarrassed myself by saying that stuff to Molly and for crying. I knew I also shouldn't have said a lot of that stuff but… I snorted aloud to myself. I've decided I like Tonks. I can't believe Snape and I are going to be relatively amicable. That'll be an interesting change of events. I swear if he puts me in detention for a month, I'll definitely have to say something… which will probably put me in detention for the whole year, but…

I awoke with a jolt at 0512am.

I swore under my breath. "I didn't even have a flipping nightmare and now I'm wide awake." I got annoyed at myself, whispering loudly into the room. I tried to roll back over to sleep again, but it was pointless. I got out of bed and grabbed my towel and took a shower. I looked at Ginny and Hermione in pure jealousy as they continued sleeping and I was rustling through my bag looking for something comfortable to wear. I settled with jeans and a t-shirt.

I tiptoed down the stairs towards the kitchen to make myself a cuppa. Opening the door, I had three pale faces looking up at me, "Morning." I said cheerily.

"You should definitely not be awake." Tonks yawned, her hair was blonde and curly, "And you definitely shouldn't be so happy."

"Oh, apologies," I folded my arms and put a scowl on my face, "Morning." I mumbled moodily.

Tonks smiled, "Better."

I looked at the fire and saw water on the boil, "Coffee?"

At a bored swish of Sirius' wand, he summoned four mugs from the cupboard and poured coffee into each cup and bought them all to the table. "Show off." I rolled my eyes at him.

"Oh, sorry…" he mumbled, he summoned over the coffee and added another heaped teaspoon full into my cup.

"Thanks." I smiled.

Tonks' and Remus' eyes widened, and Tonks spoke, "Wotcher! Do you drink that?"

I poured milk into the cup and felt terribly judged, "It comes with the not sleeping, I'm afraid. Some mornings I could drink three of these, but that's mostly after nightmares."

"Have you considered that drinking that strength of coffee is the thing that keeps you up all night?" Lupin was taken aback, "That can't be healthy."

I shrugged my shoulders, unconcerned. I was going to reply, but Molly and Arthur then entered the kitchen. She looked surprised to see me, opened her mouth then closed it again, knowing what the answer would have been. She looked pale and slightly agitated, so busied herself with sorting out something to eat. When I got up to help, her hand rose in the air and lowered – I was to sit down.

Ten or so minutes later, Harry arrived in the kitchen looking rather smart but nervous.

"M – m – morning Harry," Tonks yawned, "Sleep alright?"

"Yeah." Harry spoke quietly.

"I've b – b – been up all night," She sighed with another shuddering yawn, "Come and sit down…" she gestured to the empty seat in front of where the two of us were sitting. I wanted to ask her why she didn't get any sleep, but didn't want Harry to be suspicious.

Harry obliged and Molly asked him about breakfast, and he responded that he only wanted toast. He looked at me and gave a small smile, "You been up all night, too?"

I shook my head, "Surprisingly not… I got about three hours. That's pretty good going for me, these days."

"For someone who loves their sleep so much, you're surprisingly happy."

"No nightmares." I whispered.

Molly handed Harry two rounds of toast on a plate and fussed over his collar and smoothing out the creases on his shoulders.

"I'll have to tell Dumbledore I can't do night duty tomorrow, I'm just t – t – too tired…" she yawned again.

Molly and Arthur explained the plan for the day. Harry was to wait in Arthur's office before the hearing. Amelia Bones was going to be questioning him and that she was head of Magical Law Enforcement. Tonks commented that Amelia is fair and will hear him out. Sirius told him not to lose his temper, to be polite and stick to the facts. Lupin added that the law was on Harry's side. Harry looked at me, probably expecting some words of comfort or wisdom.

"Don't make me have to lose my wand, too." I smirked, not speaking overly loudly as Molly was trying her hardest to flatten Harry's hair, "I've grown rather fond of it, but if Lucius needs blown up, then so be it."

Harry gave me a small smile.

"I think we'll go now," Arthur said, "We're a bit early, but I think you'll be better off at the Ministry than hanging around here."

Harry dropped his toast and was on his feet within seconds.

"You'll be alright, Harry," Tonks patted him on the arm.

"Good luck," Lupin said, "I'm sure it will be fine.

"And if it's not," Sirius said grimly, "I'll see to Amelia Bones for you…"

Harry smiled weakly, just as he had with me. Molly gave him a massive hug, "We've all got our fingers crossed," she said.

"Right," Harry said, "Well… see you later then." That was him out the front door and there was nothing left to be done but wait. Sirius went up the stairs and looked longingly out of the window, watching Harry and Arthur make their way into London. Tonks and Lupin went out, Molly had started on some washing and ironing.

Sirius sat at the window all morning, staring into the distance, wondering what was happening. At the sight of moment outside, he jumped, investigated and sighed when it still wasn't Harry. By this stage, Hermione and Ginny were just out of bed.

"Where'd you go last night?" Hermione asked, "You left at midnight?"

I looked up at them as they looked at me expectantly, "Couldn't sleep…"

"Did you get any sleep at all?" Hermione asked she sounded as though she was accusing me.

"Three whole hours." Was my reply, I started reading the copy of the Daily Prophet that had arrived an hour before.

"You really should have tried to get to sleep for longer," Hermione put her mothering voice on, she and Ginny had clearly been talking about me.

I looked up at her, "I'd appreciate it if you didn't have a go at me."

"I wouldn't have to have a go at you if you actually tried to get some sleep, instead of broadcasting to everyone that you get an average of two hours a night." Hermione kept talking, "You have no problem sleeping when you're at school, no problem last year when-"

"When my parents tried to kill me," I answered, "yes, I'm aware."

Hermione was annoyed now, "You don't need to be so rude."

"You don't need to mother me," I didn't even glance up from the paper, "I've currently got about four of those. One has recently been demoted."

She was taken aback, "I am not mothering you!" her voice got louder, "I am merely trying to tell you to look after yourself and to catch a grip. I don't want to have to pick you up next time you-" she paused.

"Next time I what?"

"Next time you have something else bad happen and you spiral into a hole of your own self-pity. It really annoys me how much attention you get, and for what? You turn on the tears and everyone's waiting on you hand and foot. You've always been able to manipulate people and I've had enough. I'm not falling for it anymore."

"I think that's quite enough, Miss Granger." Sirius spoke sternly, taking his eyes off his watch post.

Hermione sighed deeply, "Now you've got him sticking up for you too? What, are you not going to say anything? You always have something to say."

"What are you doing, Hermione?" Sirius said, "I'd advise you to stop talking before you say something you regret…"

I set the newspaper down on the seat beside me, "No, it's fine Sirius, let her say what needs to be said. After all, I wouldn't want you giving me extra attention or anything." I gave Hermione my full and undivided attention.

"There are bigger things going on at the minute than your personal problems," she began, "the Malfoy's love you. And if you haven't noticed, Draco Malfoy is in love with you. No wonder you're being treated like a princess," Hermione had clearly read the letter I had sent to Ginny, "they're grooming you. I heard you and Draco were out on a dinner date last week? When are you going to tell George it's over? That crap you said yesterday, you're the no fuss, no PDA, no gooey crap sort of person. Where have you gone? The Malfoys are trying to turn you against us. Next thing, you'll be a Death Eater! You haven't even had the time of day to sit down and properly talk to us. Ginny and I have things we'd like to tell you, to keep you in the loop, you're supposed to be our best friend. We mention the trial and you seize up. Why won't you talk to us? You haven't sent one single letter to me! You haven't even mentioned me to George, he's passed on messages to everyone but me. I tried to get you to open up last night and you switch the light off, that was the final straw for me. Perhaps you should just go back to the Malfoys, to the scum of this earth where you belong."

"Are you finished?" I didn't realise George was standing in the doorway. He was livid.

Molly cleared her throat, "I think you should go up to your room, Hermione." She had clearly been listening in to the conversation from outside.

Hermione stomped out of the room, all the way up the stairs.

"Are you okay?" George asked, sitting down beside me, putting a comforting arm around me, "Katy you're freezing!" he rubbed my arms to generate heat.

I nodded, the words barely escaped my lips, "I'm fine."

"Even I know that was bang out of order!" Ron said, "Did you see Harry out this morning?" he flumped himself down on one of the seats.

I nodded, "Yeah, he's fought off a dragon, he can handle a few ministry members." My voice was soft and unusually calm.

Ginny squeezed into the seat beside me and burst into tears, "I forgot to write to Hermione for you… George passed on the message, but… I'm so sorry… I know it must be awful being there, even though Narcissa is being nice. I shouldn't have forgotten…"

"Don't worry…" I put an arm around her, "I'll go up and talk to her in a minute or so…"

"You will be doing no such thing." Molly said.

"Are you sure you're okay?" George asked.

"Yep." I said simply.

George shuffled on the seat uncomfortably, "You don't have to talk about the trial to anyone," he began, "She has no right to ask for information," he clenched his fists, "mum, dad and I told everyone what they needed to know and that should have been enough. It's not my problem if she's jealous-"

I put my hand on top of his, "Georgie…"

His hands relaxed under mine, "I'm sorry, but you really don't need your best friend giving you grief when you need support. You've already had enough to deal-"

"Drop it, George." I said calmly, "It's done."

Around midday, I managed to escape everyone down stairs and went up to the room I was sleeping in, "'Mione?" I said softly, opening the door.

"Oh, Kathryn…" Hermione's eyes were red and puffy, "I don't know what came over me…"

I sat on the edge of her bed where she was lying, "You're worried about Harry and there's a level of uncertainty in the air. This place reeks of it."

She nodded, her hands were shaking with anxiety, "I just really hope he's alright…"

"He'll be fine," I said, "he's Harry freaking Potter." I smirked and she sat up beside me, wiping her eyes with a tissue, "'Mione..." I said slowly, "About the trial…"

"You don't have to…" she said.

I started wringing my hands together, "I had a room full of strangers staring at me as I told them what my parents did to me, my parents were meanwhile sitting in the corner listening in, they were laughing, they were trying to make me out to be a liar, I had to show my scars, I had to show my diary, I had to sit there and watch my parents lie, they said that I was mad, that I had mental problems that I did it to myself and that I should be locked up for being a danger to myself, that I shouldn't be able to hold any dangerous objects in case I did something stupid." I felt my stomach turn as I thought back, "I can't talk about it anymore… Molly's making lunch." I got up and left the room.

"Kathryn?" she called after me, I stopped and turned, "I'm sorry..." She said.

"You went and talked to her, didn't you?" George said as I sat down in the kitchen and by the smirk on my face he said, "You should have let her sweat it out a little longer."

"Some battles just aren't worth fighting." I said quietly as Hermione made her way into the room, trying not to draw too much attention to herself.

The front door opened and closed and footsteps gradually got louder and louder until we saw Harry and Arthur arrive in the kitchen. Harry smiled widely, "Cleared of all charges."

Ron looked over the moon, "I knew it!" he yelled, punching the air, "You always get away with stuff!"

"They were bound to clear you," Hermione said, "there was no case against you, none at all."

"Everyone seems quite relieved, though, considering you all knew I'd get off." Harry smirked.

"I didn't doubt you for a second." I leaned back in my chair with a hint of confidence.

Fred, George and Ginny started chanting, like doing a war dance He got off! He got off! He got off!

"That's enough!" Arthur shouted over them, "Settle down," he turned to Sirius and said, "Listen, Sirius, Lucius Malfoy was at the Ministry-"

"What?" Sirius said sharply.

I nearly cowped the seat I was sitting on.

"Be quiet, you three!" Arthur struggled to get himself heard over the racket being made, "Yes, we saw him talking to Fudge on Level Nine, then they went up to Fudge's office together. Dumbledore ought to know."

"Absolutely," Sirius said, "We'll tell him, don't worry." Both Arthur and Sirius glanced at me inconspicuously. I was furious. Some long weekend away my arse, Narcissa.

"Well, I'd better get going, there's a vomiting toilet waiting for me in Bethnal Green. Molly, I'll be late, I'm covering for Tonks, but Kingsley might be dropping in for dinner-"

I could hardly hear what was being said, "SHUT UP!" I raised my voice, staring at Fred, George and Ginny, who were all still chanting in my ear.

Molly sighed, "Thank you, Kathryn. Now, Harry dear, take a seat and I'll get you something for lunch, I know you didn't eat much this morning."

Harry sat beside me and both Ron and Hermione sat opposite. Molly piled potatoes on Harry's plate and Harry, Ron and Hermione gloated about the trial. Harry said that he had the full Wizengamot at the hearing, Dumbledore defended him and that Fudge was outraged that he got off. "I wish Dumbledore would have looked at me, though…" Harry said.

"Don't worry about that," I said, "He's a busy man and probably had another meeting to get to."

"Ahhghh…" Harry gasped, clasping his forehead, his scar was burning, "it happens all the time now." He said.

Fred, George and Ginny continued that bloody chant for the rest of the day. If I didn't already have a sore head, they made it worse. 100 times worse. Did I have to tell Sirius that Harry's scar was hurting him? Probably. Okay, yes I knew I had to. I made a point of talking to him after dinner when Kingsley Shacklebolt left, finally getting him on his own. Sirius looked even more miserable than ever. I didn't blame him, Harry wanted to live with Sirius if he got expelled, now that glimmer of hope was gone for him. I don't know why, but I felt miserable too, I knew I should be happy, but I just couldn't… I hid it well, though. Hermione, Ginny and I talked away together as we normally did. Hermione let slip into the conversation that she and Krum had been writing to each other, but she wasn't going to meet up with him. She also told me about her holiday to Canada with her parents at the beginning of July. I watched as Fred and George mucked about. I celebrated with Harry. I kept up appearances, just like I had learnt to do when I felt like this.

13th August

This afternoon, Molly had set us all the chore of cleaning the office space on the second floor of 12 Grimmauld Place. She went out for the afternoon to stock up on potions, sprays and wizarding pesticides. Hermione, Ginny and I were tasked with cleaning off mould from the writing desk. Harry and Ron were to clean the grotty mirror and Fred and George were to tackle the contents of the drawers. Sirius was downstairs trying to get his mother's portrait off the wall.

"It's like this house has started raging war against itself." Fred joked, "you can't touch anything without fear of being bitten." I could have sworn he glanced at me when he said it. I chose to ignore him.

"I wish we weren't being treated like slaves." Ron grumbled, "This is just like being in detention."

Fred guffawed, "I wish you lot would stop treating this like a detention and see it for the golden opportunity it is." He jinxed some form of bug and put it in his pocket for safe keeping, "and we should definitely work with a smile and make the day brighter for everyone." He raised his eyebrows.

"Speak for yourself." Ron replied exchanging incredulous looks with Harry, Hermione and me with how oddly his brother was acting.

"I'll go make a pot of tea, does everyone want a cup?" I needed out of that room, I felt drained, I felt so attacked by Fred's looks and comments. Hermione and Ginny fell asleep whilst talking to me last night and I managed just over three hours. Exhaustion was taking over my body and I hated it. I didn't know if I was being oversensitive with this whole situation or if I just needed to go clear my head...

I sauntered past Sirius at the bottom of the stairs and he came into the kitchen to boil the water for me. I literally couldn't boil water without someone holding my hand in that house. "You hate it here, don't you?" Sirius asked.

"I don't imagine I hate this place more than you do." I answered.

"It gets easier, you know," he said as I handed him a steaming cup before loading the rest onto a tray, "adjusting to life where you don't have to worry about what your parents are going to do or say next. You've just got to trust that it gets better. Take me for example, it is 100 times better here with no parents." He then stared at the curtains surrounding his mother's portrait.

I lifted the tray and started climbing the stairs, "I wish that was comforting."

I reached the top of the stairs and walked towards the office. They weren't talking. "Katy?" I heard as George spoke gently. I took a step towards the door, "Katy, don't come any closer." He said firmly but still very quiet.

"What's wrong?" I whispered back.

I could hear his voice shake as he spoke next, "There's a yellow ethampian spider in here and it's staring right at me." Hermione and Ron let out whimpers, "Katy I need you to get Sirius. They are really sensitive to movement so I need you to…"

"Do my thing? Okay." I said, backing up slowly, setting down the tray on the floor, spilling half the contents. The yellow ethampian spiders were deadly creatures that are highly sensitive to movement, that produce webbing at lightning speed and the venom in their bite can kill in seconds. I hurried down the stairs and yelled, "SIRIUS!"

"What's wrong?" He called up the stairs, taking three steps at a time.

My heart was pounding in my throat as I spoke, "yellow ethampian spider".

Sirius swore loudly, "I need you to-"

"I know." I said, holding out my hand.

"Katy, quick!" George called out from the room. I took Sirius by the hand, making us invisible and he took out his wand. Next minute George let out a terrified "AHHHHHH!" and I heard a clonk on the floor.

"GEORGE!" I screamed.

"Come on!" Sirius tugged me, he accio'd a potion from the kitchen and placed it in my free hand. The two of us jumped into the room and I saw where George was lying face-down on the floor. Hermione and Ginny looked horrified. Fred looked broken as he stared down at his brother. Harry and Ron were watching everything happen in the mirror's reflection. Sirius searched and searched for the spider as I knelt down on the floor, searching for a pulse, hauling George's lifeless body onto his back.

Sirius was yelling, still holding onto my hand, "I can't see it anywhere! Kathryn! Put the potion in his mouth! QUICKLY!"

My only free hand was shaking, "I can't open it." I put the stopper in my mouth and spat it out as it rolled across the floor. "George! Georgie!" I shook him, trying to open his mouth which seemed to be wired shut. "SIRIUS HELP ME!" I yelled, my whole body was trembling.

Fred started laughing, "Alright mate, the jig is up."

George sat up and was laughing, "Katy, let us see you."

My jaw was slack and I let go of Sirius. Fred and George were rolling on the floor laughing. I could hardly breath. "YOU ABSOLUTE B*ST*RD!" I threw the potion at him with such force, he managed to duck out of the way and it smashed into a million pieces on the floor. I scrambled to my feet and ran out of the room, making my way to the bedroom I was sleeping in.

"YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW UNBELIEVABLY STUPID THAT WAS!" Sirius yelled.

"Mate, we thought you would have found it funny." Was the last thing I heard George say before locking the bathroom door. I felt myself starting to panic. My breathing was erratic, and I fell to my knees. I covered my mouth with my hands and tried focusing on filling my lungs, but I couldn't. I sat, raised my knees and put my head between. Tears were falling, my whole body was shaking and I couldn't control my breathing. I lifted anything I could get my hands on and threw it.

There was a knock at the door and Sirius came in and sat beside me on the floor. He handed me a paper bag and I got my breathing under control again. I found myself staring in front of me, imagining George lying dead in front of me. "That was really cruel of them," He said, "and that's coming from me." When I didn't respond he said, "Molly has just arrived home and she's ready to bite their heads off on your behalf." He put his hand on his neck, "I thought I'd escape the heat in here with you…" he smirked to himself, but I still didn't react, "I didn't let him come after you, I know you're not allowed to do magic, but I imagine you'd have done some damage. Sirius damage."

I couldn't help it, but the corners of my mouth turned.

Sirius sighed, "I'll tell you a secret," he began, "it happened to me too, not that my parents did half of what yours did to you, but I had… panic attacks. Thankfully they don't happen anymore, but that's what I meant earlier… things do get easier. I know it's awful. But you have Ginny, Hermione, Harry, Ron, Fred and George to go to, just like I had James and Remus and…" he stopped, "they worry, they just don't understand and that's why they snap or play stupid pranks or demand information… It's not their fault."

"I know…" my voice croaked, "Doesn't stop me from being angry."

"I'll use a curse or jinx of your choice on them, what do you say?"

"Which ever curse that will give me a bloody good laugh."

Sirius smiled and got to his feet. A flick of his wand saw the bathroom return to order again.

Molly was standing in the doorway, "You're going to have to stand up. I'm afraid if I sit down there, I'd never get back up again…"

I stood and she wrapped her arms around me, "Thanks." I said, taking the tissue she handed me and blew my nose.

"I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to blow off some steam yelling at them," she said, "I'll pretend not to hear anything from the kitchen."

"Can I come with you? What are you making?"

Molly smiled at me and the two of us went down to the kitchen to decide what to make. We came up with chicken in a white wine sauce with veg and rice. I was in charge of the sauce. The two of us didn't need to talk about anything in particular, we worked in unison, Molly chopped and I stirred. There was something so relaxing about cooking.

We got everyone down for dinner at 8pm. Fred and George both walked in with their tail behind their legs. Hermione and Ginny purposely sat on either side of me and both Harry and Ron sat opposite. They were closing up ranks. "Top nosh, ladies." Sirius said after the first couple of mouthfuls.

"I was merely facilitating Kathryn's brilliance." Molly said. I gave her a look and she shrugged her shoulders happily.

"Really nice, Katy." "Great, Kathryn." "Delicious." Came the after comments.

"Hey, Arthur, anything interesting in work today?" I purposely started the conversation that everyone wished they didn't have to hear. I, for one, was deeply interested.

Arthur started telling us how his day started off with an exploded toilet in Brixton, quickly followed by a post box that regurgitated every envelope in Peckham. He was fascinated as he said that he had to modify the memory of a baker, a plumber and a postman (it took several attempts to get the correct muggle terminology for the job roles, but was amusing nonetheless). Arthur then mentioned that he saw Sturgis Podmore looking rather sickly and handed Sirius a copy of the magazine 'The Quibbler'.

After dinner had finished and Arthur had very happily talked himself out. Molly told everyone to get the study finished. "Actually, Molly…" I began, "I was going to volunteer those two for the dishes." I looked at the twins for the first time from them entering the kitchen, "I'll happily supervise. You deserve a night off."

Everyone left the room. Ron looked like he was holding back laughter. I grabbed one of Mrs Black's old cookbooks and sat on the end of the long wooden table and crossed my legs, "Well, get on with it." I said, busying myself with reading. Every time the boys tried talking to each other or splashed water, I cleared my throat.

"Look, Katy…" George said as he and Fred cleared the last of the dishes, "I get that you hate me right now…"

Fred spoke next, "But you've just been so miserable since you got here and…"

"Well, we thought you could do with a laugh-" George said.

"– and, we know it was a terrible idea –" Fred continued.

"– worse than terrible," George began, "it wasn't funny and I'm sorry for putting you through that, after all you've been through and –"

"– Sirius was just right yelling at us –"

George lifted the cooking book out of my hands, "– but I think we'd feel a load more comfortable with you yelling and telling us what horrible people we are and how we didn't think about your feelings and how this might –"

"Kathryn, we're really trying here." Fred sounded as though he was starting to plead.

I took the book from George's hand and got off the table, "You." I whacked Fred with the cookery book, "You are an absolute piece of –" I stopped myself, "How dare you? I thought you understood?" I whacked him again, "I thought you knew that I –" I couldn't finish my sentence I was so annoyed, "I saw those looks you were giving me, I heard the comments meant for me. I know you hate me and I get it. I'm needy and a bitch and take George away from you. I get it. You've never had to share him. But you have a mouth and you can use it to talk to me." I pointed at myself, "If you have a problem with something that I'm doing, or if you think I'm taking over, talk to me. Do you understand?" I asked. When he opened his mouth but didn't speak I whacked him again, "DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

"Yes." He said, his voice was ten octaves higher than it should have been.

"And you?" I looked at George, "I'm disappointed." I shoved the book into his arms and shook my head, walking away. It was 10pm. I walked past Sirius, who was still trying to unstick his mother from the wall. He gave me a high five and a grin. I saw Molly and Arthur resting in the lounge, who told me the girls were getting ready for bed. I went upstairs and did the same.

"Are my brothers still alive?" Ginny asked carefully.

I smirked, "I think Fred lost a bit of his manliness this evening, but yes, they're still alive."

Hermione smiled, "How did you know it was Fred's idea?"

I glanced between them, "Unfortunately, I know them."

"What did George say?" Ginny asked.

"He apologised, but not much else, the two of them were panicking about how quiet I was being and how I made them feel really uncomfortable." I said.

"What did you say to him?" Hermione asked.

I raised my eyebrows, "The disappointment card worked well."

"Oooooh." Ginny fell back onto the bed, "nice one. You have better control of my family than my mother does at times." Ginny laughed, "What is the secret to being more terrifying than my mother?"

I shrugged my shoulders.

14th August

I was on holiday, I was running and jumped and suddenly I was in a pool of water, happily practicing my swimming. My father jumped into the pool beside me and said for me to see how long I could hold my breath for. I took a deep breath and put my head under the water. As I was about to come up for air, my father put his hand on my head and held me down. I struggled for breath, I flailed my arms, I tried to swim away, water filled my lungs, but he held me there. I started sinking to the bottom when I felt someone's arms around me, lifting me up and out into the cool air where I coughed and spluttered, gasping for my next breath. I closed my eyes and woke up in Barbara's kitchen pleading, telling her I was sorry, "I won't touch them again, I'm sorry…" and then I screamed as she placed my hand on the hot stove, holding in there as I squealed, my flesh melting away… "I didn't see anything!" I shouted, "I didn't, I swear!" I promised but Barbara yelled at me, "Don't lie!" she bashed my face against the corner of her dressing table and shut the drawer tight on my fingers, hiding the illegal drugs… I closed my eyes and I was in bed, but I heard yelling, it was Barbara and Gary. I went to investigate and witnessed a murder, this time it was in slow motion and I heard every puncture as flesh was pierced. I stifled a scream. Barbara's hair was dripping in blood as she looked at me, a murderous look in her eyes. She limped heavily on a damaged leg, carrying a bloody knife shouting, "WHAT DID YOU SEE? WHAT DID YOU DO?" "NOTHING!" I yelled back at her, trying my best to hide, to cover up the fact that I was on the phone. I blinked and the police were at the door, Barbara had a knife to my throat and I couldn't breathe again. I was shaking from head to toe. The police officer took a wrong step and I was stabbed in the shoulder. I let out a roar of pain. I heard the bang of the gun and my auntie fell to the ground beside me: the last time I ever saw her. I closed my eyes and woke up in primary school with all my classmates looking at me with utter contempt. I had so many thoughts floating about my head as I whimpered, banging my head on the table repeatedly. Pinky at the Shrink, Pinky at the Shrink, Pinky at the Shrink. I hid my eyes as the kids at school beat me, called me names and left me lying in the playground, too scared to move. I closed my eyes tight, hoping it would all end. I opened my eyes as I was falling head first down the stairs, not once, not twice but three times. First time I broke my arm and screamed in pain. Second time I sprained my ankle. Third time I made the sprain worse. I was locked in my room; I was beaten with my father's slipper. My mother gave me a black eye. I felt exhausted as I opened my eyes next time. I was older, I saw Peter's friend in the shed beside me. He saw mum's crystal and I pleaded with him, "Please! Please don't! She'll kill me!" but the little boy leered at me and smashed it anyway. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!" my mother yelled at me. "It wasn't me!" I defended myself, "I swear mum, it was him." I pointed at Peter's friend and mum yelled back, "You're jealous of Peter?" I felt my heart pounding, "OF COURSE I'M JEALOUS! IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY YESTERDAY IF YOU HADN'T NOTICED? DID I GET A PRESENT? NO. DID I GET A CARD? NO. DID I GET ANY FORM OF RECOGNITION? NO. DID I SMASH THAT CRYSTAL? NO. BUT I'D GLADLY DESTROY EVERYTHING ELSE-" I lost my cool. I drew back my breath as she slapped me across the face. A gash formed were her ring tore my skin. I was blinded by pain. I opened my eyes to Oliver Wood who had me pressed against the wall, "Get off me!" I shouted, but he wouldn't listen either, it was more intense than before, "Please! NO!" I pleaded. But he touched me, he ripped up my clothes. I felt naked. I hit him, he enjoyed it. I screamed, he covered my mouth. He kissed me and I couldn't breathe. I bit him and kicked him and fought him off. He tied me up. I struggled. I yelled. I pleaded. I fell to the ground and blacked out, waking up at home with dad looking furious at me. He lifted a hand to hit me and I fought him. "DAD! NO!" I yelled. I kicked him and he held on to my foot and took my balance from under me. I let out a groan as my back smashed into the wooden floor. I thrashed and kicked as my father broke all five toes on my foot again. I went through the pain and trauma of getting up the stairs again, dragging myself through the agony. I closed my eyes as I blacked out. I woke up to my mother dragging me by the hair and me screaming in horror, "NOOOOOOO!" I cried out for help as she hit me, as both my parents kicked me, I shrieked as my ribs broke, as they punched me and my lung collapsed and beat me to a pulp. I couldn't breathe, "Kill me." I said, I couldn't take it any longer, "KILL ME!" I pleaded this time, I wanted it all to be over. That's when my parents dropped my lifeless body to the ground and left me to die. I opened my eyes and I was in the forest with George. I felt the crush of emotion as he told me that he didn't love me. I screeched like I did in the shower the following morning. I felt numb as I watched him kiss Alicia. I knew this was coming now. I could feel the fear in my body as I gazed at the stand, as I saw my parents stare at me as I gave my testimony. I saw the rage in their eyes as they swore blindly that I was out of my mind, that I had mental health problems that I was making it all up. "STOP!" I yelled, "I'M NOT LYING! THEY HIT ME AND KICKED ME AND I NEARLY DIED." I was hyperventilating as I cried, but this time I was staring down at George's dead body. "Katy wake up!" I felt dead inside. "Katy! Wake up!" I was on a bridge back in Northern Ireland, I wanted to jump, to make the pain, misery and suffering end, "TAKE ME." I yelled, holding my hands out in the air. I could see George lying dead on the ground beneath me, "KILL ME!" I cried out as my parents and auntie came running at me, wanting to be the person to push me over the edge, "I CAN'T DO THIS ANY MORE!" I jumped. "KATY!"

As my body hit the ground, I opened my eyes and I was back in reality again. There was so much happening with my body that I wasn't aware of. George wrapped his arms tight around me, "It's okay, Katy, it's okay! I've got you! You're okay!" he comforted me. I, in turn, wrapped my arms around his middle and nestled my head in his neck. I was covered in a pool of my own sweat. My throat was raw. I still felt dead inside. I felt like I had taken that jump.

George pulled back and took a good look at me. It was only then that I saw the sheer number of people in the room. Everyone was pale, tired, concerned.

Molly shovelled something down my throat that warmed me up inside, "Right everyone, get out of here!" she chauffeured everyone out, "Let me know if you need anything."

"My mum said to give this to you…" Tonks handed me a cuppa, "Three spoonfuls of sugar and a tipple always did the trick for her." She winked and got up to leave but I got a grip of her arm. I couldn't muster any words but nodded before another set of tears started to flow. "Aw, Kathryn, it's okay, I'll be back later, I'm supposed to be at work." She left, even though it looked like she didn't want to, "Drink." She insisted.

George was sitting behind me, stroking my hair as I leaned against him. I took a sip of Tonks' concoction which caught the back of my throat and gave me a bit of a boost. Hermione and Ginny were both watching me from Hermione's bed. I tried to get up off the bed and my legs gave way. "Woah girl," George said, catching me, "you've just ran a marathon, come here…" he pulled me in close, kissing my forehead, my cheek, my nose.

"Georgie…" I said, barely in a whisper.

"You need out of here, don't you?" he asked.

I nodded, "I need to get these clothes off me…" I murmured.

He stood and helped me to my feet, "I'll make myself scarce then," he kissed my forehead, "I'll be in the kitchen if you need me, okay?" he kissed my forehead again and again and again.

I went into the bathroom and hopped into the shower. Ginny and Hermione left me out a set of clean clothes for me to put on and they sat with me when I just wanted to be quiet. The two of them yawned, "Get some sleep, you two… What time is it anyway?"

"6am." Hermione answered, "We're awake now, don't be worrying about us."

I spoke softly, "I woke everyone, didn't I?"

Ginny nodded, "You woke us up around half two, I genuinely thought you had something stuck in your throat and couldn't breathe… I tried to wake you, but I couldn't…" she started to get upset, "then you started pleading and… when you let out that scream, well… we all knew…" tears started falling down her face, "I don't know how you do it… How you can get up and move on…"

"Hours of therapy, Gin, hours." I made my way down to the kitchen. Arthur was halfway out the door to go to work. He gave me that look that I hate, but no one can help giving. I found George and sat on his knee. He was showered and dressed now, too. I breathed in his familiar scent and tried to relax into his arms. He started whispering sweet nothings into my ear. Molly offered me toast, porridge, a fry, anything. But I wasn't hungry for breakfast. I could barely bring myself to talk to anyone, let alone eat.

For the rest of the morning I sat in the lounge in complete silence, watching the world go by out the window. People were chittering around me, sharing glances, making suggestions. Then Molly forced her children, Harry and Hermione to get on with their daily chores. I think she knew I just wanted to be left alone.

Sirius sat opposite me for a while, looking out the window longingly. I stood and held out my hand, "Let's get out of here."

Sirius grinned at me, took my hand and the two of us snuck out the front door. Taking a deep breath of the fresh air, I could tell he felt a weight lifted off his shoulders. He felt trapped in there, useless, a burden… I understood that. I let him guide me as we walked around the neighbourhood, he pointed at different places – the run-down park where he used to play as a kid, the place he once met up with the Marauders, the place he would hide for a couple of hours to escape his parents. I couldn't honestly say that I was all that present during that walk around the Islington Borough of London, my mind was elsewhere but Sirius chatted nonetheless.

A couple of hours later, Sirius knew deep down we really ought to get back. Molly looked sick with worry as she was searching the house from top to toe for us. I managed to convince her the two of us were in the house the whole time. Then I went wandering around the house on my own again; I packed my belongings to go back to Malfoy Manor, intricately folding every item of clothing back into my bag. I set out little chocolate presents on everyone's bed and returned downstairs again.

"You're incredibly strong, you know that?" Tonks slid into the chair beside me. I didn't realise she was in the building.

"I don't feel strong, I feel like I'm barely holding it together and if something else bad happens, I could explode into a million pieces." I sighed, finally feeling ready to talk, "I can't even escape from it when I sleep and people look at me like I'm broken and they wonder why it took me so long to confide in them?"

"But you're here and you have a great support network! Everyone is worried sick about you… Ginny and Hermione are great friends and George clearly dotes on you. He talks about you in a way I wish someone would talk about me." Tonks linked arms with me.

I closed my eyes, "Sometimes I wonder if it would have been better if I had just died."

"You don't mean that," she said, "that's just the tired talking."

I wanted so badly to tell her about how I killed myself in my nightmare to wake up this morning, but I couldn't. "I always seem to end up here…" I said instead, "my body aches, my brain hurts and I just want every horrible feeling to just go away…"

"I know you do…"

"I can't go on like this..."

Tonks agreed, "Remember, if you can't fly, then run, if you can't run, then walk, if you can't walk, then crawl, but whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward."

"Martin Luther King Jr?" I questioned, "Really?"

"Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again." She smirked.

"Nelson Mandela." I rolled my eyes at her.

"Take your own advice. What would you be telling yourself right now?"

I shook my head, "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." I said half-heartedly, my stomach rumbled, "And I'm starving, so go eat."

"Thatta girl."

I saw the sigh of relief on George's face as I turned up to the kitchen. Molly hopped up and poured two extra bowls of soup for Tonks and me as we sat.

"I'm going to take you out for coffee tomorrow." Tonks said decisively.

"You might find that a little difficult," I said, "I'm back with your delightful Aunt and Uncle this evening."

"Darn." Tonks said dramatically, making her hair red and spiky.

Molly spoke from the other end of the table, "We'll have Kathryn back for her birthday, if you want to come, that is? We can have a bit of a party?"

"No party." I shook my head, "I'll come if there's cake, though."

"Ah, you're a girl after my own heart." Tonks smiled widely, "I'll be here!"

After we finished eating, I grabbed George and pulled him off to the side, "I need to talk to you."

Slightly concerned, he brought me up to the room he was staying in and sat down with me, "What's up?"

"I need you to keep your parchment on you at all times when I get back here." I said, "I don't want to worry you, but I need to know that-"

"You know I'll be there if you need me, but what's all this extra worry about?" he rubbed my arm.

I shuffled closer to him, "Because You-Know-Who is hosting meetings at Malfoy Manor and I've seen him. Your parents have told me to be careful. They want to know whenever he's there and they need me to have a lifeline." I spoke quickly.

"You've seen You-Know-Who?" George looked panic stricken, then quickly pulled himself together, "Right."

I took a hold of his hand, "And what I'm about to tell you next does not go anywhere, alright?"

George nodded.

"I am going to pass on information to you, to pass on to a member of the Order and I trust you to do it." I stared deep into his tired eyes, "I'm going to do my thing and I'm going to listen, and I'll write to you if there's anything interesting, okay? There's nothing for you to panic about, because I've done enough panicking for the two of us."

George nodded, "I know I don't have to tell you, but I'm going to anyway… Be safe." He started rubbing my shoulders.

"You know I will." My body was exhausted, my eyes were heavy, I knew I just had to keep going, to make it until tomorrow. Fred then came into the room and he with George told me all about the sweets they were developing and wanting to try out in school. I dreaded to think what that meant…!

An hour later I was starting to say my goodbyes. Hermione and Ginny both gave me massive hugs. Harry hugged me, reluctantly at first but once committed, hugged me tight. He asked me to whack any Malfoy when I got the opportunity. Ron gave half a hug, and I thanked him for not being a total prick and for being a decent human being. He decided to take it as a compliment. Fred hugged me out of earshot of everyone and apologised, saying that he didn't realise things were as bad as they were. He also said that he was glad George had me, because I made him happy. Molly squeezed me tight and handed me a box of fudge, warning me not to tell her children. She told me to stay strong and not to worry. I was the one to hug Sirius, "Here or a summer with the Malfoys?" I asked.

"Tough one." He shook his head, "look, thanks for earlier."

I nodded teasingly, "What's life without a little risk?"

"'Scuse me Sirius, may I take my beautiful girlfriend away from you?" George spun me on the spot to face him, I rolled my eyes at him as he dragged me back up the stairs to his room, he sat me on the edge of his bed and started talking, "I half expect you to be sad, I'd even be concerned if you were happy, but right now, Katy, I'm really concerned that you're not showing anything… You haven't cried, you're not scared about what you've been asked to do, you're not sad to be leaving, you're not happy or even annoyed having everyone fuss over you," he put his hand on his neck, "it's like the Katy I know got up and left and your body is here and I don't know what to do and I just need to know that you're going to be alright."

"I'm just having a bad day," I said in a soft voice, placing a hand on his cheek and his eyes followed mine, full of concern, "Okay, bad month…"

"It's just… you could go for days without writing to me... You disappear off the end of the earth and I don't know what to do or think… what I'm saying is… I worry about you and what you might do… I can't help it…" by this stage he was on his knees looking up at me, holding both my hands.

I couldn't look at him, "I'm sorry…"

George looked tense, "Are we okay?"

"Course we are," I nodded, looking in his eyes, caressing his cheek, "I just need a good sleep." I pulled him into a hug, "The trial couldn't have come at a worse time… I'm not even going to lie in saying that I'm alright, I'm far from it. But I know I'm going to be okay, because I've got you." I whispered into his ear, "I guess I just need time."

He looked down at his watch looking more content, "Best get you back…" he kissed my forehead and left the room. I grabbed my bags. Glancing quickly in the mirror, I realised just how bad I look. The look of shock on Narcissa's face said it all as Molly and George brought me back. Molly reluctantly shared a few words with Narcissa as George and I said our goodbyes.

"Merlin's beard, Kathryn! What did they do to you?" Draco entered the dining room with a look of utter shock on his face, "You look terrible."

I nodded in agreement and started eating again.

"I have been informed that Kathryn had a particularly awful nightmare last night that lasted 3 hours and no one could wake her up." Narcissa filled in the blanks.

"I was trapped inside my head, in my bad memories." I didn't look at anyone, "If you hear me tonight, just ignore me. Put a muffliato spell on the room or something…" I mumbled, "I well and truly give up." I pushed away my half-finished plate.

Narcissa stood, "I'll run you a hot bath, put warming plates on your sheets and you can catch an early night."

I didn't argue. I had a bath, got into my pyjamas and then rolled into bed with the teddy bear Narcissa gave me. I quickly wrote to George before closing my eyes and falling into a deep sleep.