27th June

I felt this really heavy cloud over me that I couldn't escape from. I surrendered to the power that forced me to keep to my bed. I haven't left the confines of my dorm since. My feet refused to believe that they wouldn't shatter on impact on the staircase outside the room. My head was heavy; my heart was heavier. I wondered if I was ever going to recover from this.

For hours on end I would lie on the bed, staring up at the canopy above me. At night, when I was sure everyone was asleep, I cried. I didn't go to class, I didn't go down to the Great Hall for meals, I didn't talk to anyone other than Ginny and George. It was too difficult.

Each evening, George would fill me in on the investigation. The police revealed that Granny had been captured and there was evidence of recent torture. They revealed that her injuries were far more life-threatening than the three stab wounds to her back. They believe she was looking for me. They have arrested two men in connection with the attack and they have been denied bail. My grandmother's funeral is going to be held back in Northern Ireland tomorrow morning.

28th June

Today, I got out of bed.

I was up, washed and dressed in black before anyone else stirred. George had arranged that McGonagall would accompany me today.

I did the thing that I had been debating with myself about in my waking hours: I wrote to Narcissa and informed her that I knew she was my real Auntie and asked if we could chat about it. I bit the bullet and sent it. I hoped she would be happy that I sent her a message, I also hoped she, as my foster parent until I turn 17, would invite me over during the summer.

I sat and had breakfast with McGonagall in her office, as agreed at 0800. McGonagall was wearing black-coloured muggle clothing and she studied me closely as I picked at my plate of food. She chided me for having not eaten a proper meal in over a week and told me that I didn't look like myself.

"Any time I look in the mirror, I look like her and I can't get away from it." Was the first thing I said in response to her.

"That's a perfectly normal -"

"No offence, Professor, but I'm really not in the mood."

"No, I suppose you're not." She drank a sip of tea, "Have you been having nightmares?"

I shook my head.

"Have you slept?"

"Yeah."

"Do you know where the funeral is being held?"

"Yeah." Was my response, but McGonagall looked like she wanted some form of direction, "If you bring me to the place you brought me the Hogwarts letter, I can make my way from there."

McGonagall raised an eyebrow at me, "I hope you're not of the idea that you're not doing this alone."

At 1030, Professor McGonagall and I arrived in Northern Ireland, just outside the house I grew up in. I felt sick to the stomach remembering all that happened in that place I had once called home, before Helen and Richard packed up and left for England. There's a new family living there now, I could see a couple of kids were running about in the front room. As we made our way along the footpath, it was like a walk down memory lane. Very few of them were good.

"It's a bit of a walk from here…" I told McGonagall, who was already struggling with her walking stick, "There's a café down the end of that street, I'll come find you when I'm done. I don't imagine I'll be long."

"You are not doing this on your own." McGonagall said firmly, standing up a bit taller, "I am not allowing you to go through this on your own."

I nodded and pointed, "It's at the other end of this road… If you'd prefer to be a cat, I'd carry you?"

She smiled at me, "You are so kind-hearted, but you will not be carrying me, we will get there in time." She took my arm and we disapparated to the end of the road.

"That option works." I said as we reappeared. I looked up and it was obvious which house we were going to, based on the number of paparazzi and journalists posted outside, "That's not good."

"Do you know of any other entrances?"

"Now, now Professor," I smirked, "that won't be necessary." I held out my hand, "Have you ever wondered what it's like to be truly invisible?"

McGonagall and I weaved invisibly through the crowds and through the closed front door. I made us visible again and I sighed. This was one of the few homes I found refuge in and nearly all memory of my grandmother had disappeared from here. I directed McGonagall into the front room where we came across Emily.

"Hello," she said.

"Hi," I responded.

Emily gave me a small smile, "It's really good to see you. You're looking so grown up."

"Thanks! You too!" I nodded, "Are you fully trained now? Or have you decided in the last five years that being a lawyer isn't for you?"

Emily was standing there in a smart black work-type dress and shook her head, "I work for a firm in New York, specialising in corporate law. Have you just finished your GCSEs? – but of course you probably don't do them, do you?"

"I've just finished the equivalent of GCSEs, yeah." I said, "I'm guessing everyone's out the back?"

Emily nodded, "I stopped talking to them when I found out about what they did to you." She spoke quickly, "This is the first time they've seen me from what happened with your parents and Simon Spector... I knew they were unfair and I knew they always treated Peter better-"

"Because I'm adopted," I said, "And Peter's theirs, isn't he?"

"When did you find out?"

"Last Friday morning."

She grimaced, "Rough day."

"Rough week – no – month – actually… year."

"I can only imagine."

I heard the back door open and the click of heels coming towards us on the wooden floor, "Do I know you?"

"I am Kathryn's teacher, Minerva McGonagall."

There was a sigh of deep dissatisfaction, "You sent my sister to prison." Auntie Jenny said as she caught a glimpse of me, "You aren't invited, she was my mother."

"That woman practically raised me." I challenged her, "I am here to pay my respects, then I will be out of your hair for good, I promise, seeing as I am in no way related to you people. Chuck me out and the reporters will be getting a lovely exclusive about the day you locked me in your linen cupboard."

Jenny opened her mouth and closed it again, "Fine, you can sit at the back."

It was a lovely service depicting Granny in her best light. She was a beautiful woman with a full heart. I learnt so much about her, like her love of skiing and her talent in playing tennis in her younger days. She had three daughters, six grandchildren (not including me) and over her life four dogs – Max, Daisy, Ralph and Flo. I could see Auntie Jenny and Auntie Marie sitting at the front with their husbands Steve and Mark. They were both crying their eyes out, despite treating the woman terribly. Emily, who was sitting at the back beside me, made a remark so profound, wondering how such a wonderful woman could produce such awful children. We knew it wasn't appropriate to laugh, so both blew our noses simultaneously.

Just as I had managed to pull myself together to leave, Peter approached me. He was taller than me now, his blonde hair and blue eyes reminded me so much of Helen and Richard that I wondered why I hadn't cottoned on to being adopted years before. He was now sporting a tattoo on his left arm of something rather gruesome.

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice was now deep and his extended hand was a lot larger than I remembered.

I glanced up at him, trying to internalise my shock. He never apologised for anything, and especially never to me. I did not raise my hand.

"I'm sorry they didn't kill you when they had the chance." He clenched his fist and made to take a swing at me, and I had to take a step back, "If it wasn't for you, mum and dad would be here. Why did you lie?"

Emily had stood to defend me, "I hope they rot in hell for what they did."

"I think I have overstayed my welcome, Professor." I looked up to McGonagall who nodded, then I looked to my cousin, "Look after yourself, Emily."

She smiled back at me, through watery eyes.

I looked up at McGonagall, "Time to go."

McGonagall and I arrived back at Hogwarts at lunchtime and I sat in the Great Hall for the first time in a week. I had a warm welcome from Harry, Ron, Ginny and Hermione as I sat down, still feeling a little delicate from my encounter with my family. I know I call them my family, but I don't know if my adoption was even legal.

I looked down and there was food on the plate in front of me.

"You must be hungry," Ron said from the other side of the table.

I glanced up at him, on the verge of tears and shook my head. My eyes were stinging. I just felt so tired, "I think I'm just gonna go to bed."

The feeling of my feet pressing down on the floor was unbearably heavy. Every step I took consumed me, my energy was zapping. I knew there were people surrounding me, but I couldn't make out faces, I couldn't hear the usual mumble of other students. I used the bannisters to pull myself up the flights of stairs, eventually reaching the Fat Lady, mumbled the password and within minutes was in bed, fast asleep.

29th June

"It's the last day of classes, Kathryn, come on, its History of Magic, Potions and Muggle Studies… Umbridge left the hospital wing with us and left the school, so no DADA!" Hermione shrugged me awake at 0730, "Come on… I know it's been tough for you, but none of us think any differently of you."

I turned over in the bed, "I don't want to go…"

"Leaving feast is tonight, too! It's just going to be fun today! Loads of people have been asking me about you. Come down and let them know you're alright."

"But I'm not alright."

"Well, I can't possibly let you sleep any longer, so either you get up and come to class, or I'll sit here all day beside you and-"

I let out a deep sigh, "Go away, Hermione."

"You can hate me all you want," Hermione said matter-of-factly, "but this is for your own good."

She dragged me out of bed and within forty-five minutes had me downstairs in the Great Hall with a stack of pancakes sitting in front of me.

"I hate you." I told her.

"I'm alright with that." She said, "Now eat."

Ginny handed me a cup of coffee from across the table.

"I'm glad it's you I'm staying with this summer." I said, "You wouldn't make me get out of bed, Gin. You'd let me –"

"Wallow in your own self-pity? No she won't." Hermione stated, "Eat. You are going to waste away even more if you –"

I glared at her, dug my fork into one of the pancakes, lifted it to my mouth, bit a piece off and swallowed it. Then I lifted the cup of coffee and drank it, ignoring her for the rest of breakfast. In fact, I didn't look at or talk to anyone.

I sat through a History of Magic lesson, which was completely pointless; I could have easily spent the entire time in bed. I sat resting my head in my hands, then I gave up completely and put my head on the table. I woke up to the sound of the bell an hour later.

Next was potions and that was what I was truly dreading. Hermione basically dragged me from History of Magic, "Please don't make me go in there…" I pleaded, tears in my eyes.

"Come on, Kathryn, stop it, you're just being -"

"Hermione, leave her alone!" Harry said, putting a hand on my shoulder, releasing me from her grip.

I made to turn away when Snape opened his classroom door and sneered, "Where do you think you're going, Miss Pink? Your seat has not been occupied in a week and Mr Malfoy has been missing you."

"I'm not well." I told him.

"I don't think so," he pointed into his classroom, "in. And I don't want any trouble from you and Mr Malfoy, now that you know you're related."

"Sir?" I heard Draco call out from inside the classroom.

My body erupted in panic, "I – he – he doesn't know." My eyes, which were already filled with tears now dripped down my face, "I haven't talked to him…"

"Professor?" Draco stood at the door, "Kathryn? What's going on?"

I turned my back and walked away, my shoulders shuddering, I could scarcely see where I was going as I tripped down a three or more stairs and landed in a heap at the bottom.

Draco sat down beside me, "Have you hurt yourself?"

"I hurt all over," I told him though forced deep breaths, "this doesn't change how much pain I'm in…"

"Here, take this, it's clean, I promise!" he handed me a handkerchief.

I blew my nose in the most unattractive way possible.

I tried to hand it back when he said, "You keep it… Now, tell me what's wrong."

"Were you never told that we're related?"

"We are?" he voice was full of wonder.

I nodded my head, "Apparently so, Dumbledore told me last week."

"We can't be – surely we're not – brother and sister?"

I smiled, "I don't know what would be worse," I joked, "Being your sister or your cousin."

His chin dropped, "You're – Auntie Bella's or Andromeda's kid?"

"I'm Katy Belle Lestrange, apparently." I told him.

Draco appeared lost in his own imagination. He was trying to make sense of everything, but he never questioned me. Instead, he appeared to be putting pieces of the puzzle together, "I remember there being baby pictures of me and another girl, that was you? But you were – standing and you're younger than me -"

I shook my head, "Apparently not. I don't have the birth certificate on me, but it says that my date of birth is the 6th September 1979. Helen and Richard changed it when they adopted me." I felt the lump at the back of my throat, "I just wish I could talk to someone who could tell me – I mean, your mum hasn't written back and I doubt she will with what's happened to your dad and well, my own mother probably hates me, so -" I stopped talking as I pulled myself up off the floor, emotions spurting out of me left, right and centre.

"I don't know anything, really," Draco told me, "but I will try and find out for you."

I tried to force a smile before nodding.

"And thanks for getting my wand back to me, the Weasley girl – I mean – Ginny, gave it to me." he paused for a second as I held onto the bannister, rapidly drying my waterfall of tears, "I really am sorry for what I did to you – I just thought we had a connection – just not this sort… Look – I know things are a bit… up in the air for you at the minute… just – you know we're not that bad, we get along, you and mum get along, you and dad tolerate each other -"

"It's not just that…" I began, "It's the fact I've been lied to for years. Doesn't that bother you, that we've been sitting beside each other for five years and your family haven't told you that we're cousins?" I told him, "I'll see you later." I left him standing, face screwed up in contemplation.

30th June

I didn't go to the end of year feast last night, in fact, after talking to Draco, I packed my stuff to leave Hogwarts, sat on the window-sill and watched the world go by until the girls returned for the evening.

I didn't know how I felt about the prospect of leaving Hogwarts. One thing I was not looking forward to was seeing the disapproving look on Molly Weasley's face. She would most certainly not want her son dating a Lestrange. I knew things were going to be different now. But… I can't wait to give George a cuddle. That thought gave me the drive to face this day.

"Oh, you're up." Hermione said to me, appearing surprised as I put my toiletries into my case.

"I'm going to see George today." I responded with a small smile, making sure I hadn't left a thing behind.

In the corner of my eye I could see Hermione, Lavender, Parvati and Fay all exchange glances, before Hermione suggested, "Breakfast?"

"If you like?" I responded, shrugging my shoulders.

At breakfast, friends were saying goodbye to friends, some were crying, others were excited for their prospective plans. I sat opposite a subdued Harry. I felt for him, I had a small idea of what he was going back to and now we both understood why he had to return. So many people in this room are completely unaware of the feeling of dread that builds as you face an abusive household for two whole months. I'm one of the lucky ones who escaped, who has a voice now. I can't help think what my life would have been like if I had been brought up a Lestrange…

I drank a cup of tea and ate all the breakfast I could muster, before making our way down to the Hogwarts Express. I felt really on edge as I was surrounded by so many people and some of those people knew who I was, more than I wanted. I found it really difficult to make eye-contact, or make conversation like I was usually able to. I was desperately on 'blending in and not causing a fuss mode', feeling afraid that someone might try and stab me like they got Granny… I stuck to Harry like glue as Ron and Hermione went off to the prefects' carriage.

Harry opened the door to a compartment and tugged his trunk roughly behind him. I froze on the spot as I saw Neville sitting beside the window.

My eyes found the floor and I pointed along the corridor, "I'll erm…" I could hardly get the words out or even speak. I felt my heart race, I wanted to run, to hide, but I couldn't, I was trapped inside this train.

"Come on in, Kit-Kat, it's okay."

I took a deep breath as people moved along the corridor, bashing into me, making rude comments under their breath about me. I felt my hands shake as I took a tissue out of my robes to collect the tears forming in my eyes.

"There's a seat in front of me," Neville pointed his head forwards, "I know you like the window seat." He said.

Harry took my hand and pulled me in to the compartment and dragged my stuff in through the door behind me.

"I can't…" my voice shook, "I don't deserve it…"

Neville swallowed, "You are still the same person who helped me. You fixed my nose, you stopped my legs, you screamed for Bellatrix to stop as she tortured me… You've done so much more and I don't want to -"

Ginny took me by the arm and sat me down on the seat opposite Neville and said, "You cannot suffer any longer for your parents' actions. You are not like them." She said firmly, "And if I have to tell you each and every day of this summer, I will. But you cannot beat yourself up for something you didn't know and something you cannot control." She lifted my chin and smiled at me, "My best friend is Bellatrix Lestrange's daughter and I am proud."

"I wouldn't shout that too loud," I mumbled, "I'm sure there are plenty of people who'd very much like me dead." I looked up, "Top of the list is probably my mother, then that other woman who is my fake mother. I've been thinking… Do you think Voldemort knows about me?"

Ginny jumped, but didn't scold me for the use of the name, "No idea."

"Then I'm pretty sure, he'd be top of the list." I said thoughtfully, "I suppose I have no way of finding that out, unless I show up on her front door and straight out ask -"

"Which you are NOT going to do." Ginny and Harry said in unison, "Ever."

Sometime after that I fell asleep and was shaken awake by Hermione, "You need to get changed, we're almost there."

I sat up, taking my cheek of the cool window rubbing my eyes and lifting the pile of cloaks covering me. It took me a couple of minutes to wake up. One thing I knew for sure, I much prefer being asleep. It's much easier to deal with.

"Malfoy came by earlier, he said he'd be in touch." Ginny said, her eyebrows furrowed, "What are you going to talk about? Surely you're not staying there again?"

"Goodness knows." I said as I stood, grabbing clothes out of my trunk before getting changed in the girls' loos. I had that awful feeling you get after an interrupted nap, I felt worse than I did before. I was both discombobulated and groggy. I stepped over the bodies of Crabbe, Goyle and Draco, which had been affected by more than one hideous spell. On my way back I revived Draco.

"I'm going to get those -" Draco looked in through the window of the carriage behind me.

I looked at him, "No, you're not. Or I'll take great pleasure in keeping your wand all summer." I tapped my pocket.

"You wouldn't."

"Is that a challenge?"

He knew it was a bad idea and shook his head, "How are you?"

I shrugged my shoulders, "Say hello to my mother for me, would you?"

He smirked, "Did the Weasley –" he paused, "Ginny – pass on my message?"

"I await your owl with anticipation."

"You need to look after yourself," he said, "you – you're not yourself, it's not like you to miss class, and to not wear makeup and wear baggy clothes… have your nightmares returned?"

I shook my head, sighing.

"Is he bothering you, Kathryn?" Hannah, Ernie and Justin slid their compartment door open slightly.

"No, I'm fine." I said very unconvincingly, my eyes welling up, my body willing me to cry again.

"Professor McGonagall told us about your Granny…" Hannah said, "we're really sorry… You really have had such a horrible year…"

That statement had me on the edge.

"I'll write to you," she said, noticing the train was slowing "you can tell me you've that OO in Muggle Studies."

I nodded, wiping my face, unable to continue conversation. I turned and walked along the train with Draco. He looked as though he was willing to hug me, but I couldn't; I knew that I wouldn't be able to control my emotions. Instead I waved to him. I opened the compartment door and hastily shoved my robes into my trunk and yanked it down from the hold as everyone got ready to disembark around me. The train came to a halt and Ginny, Luna and Neville left quickly.

"Look," Harry said as I kicked my trunk in frustration as it fell over when we jumped between the train and platform 9 ¾, "Things are pretty shit for both of us right now, but if you want to talk about anything that happened or was discussed, just send me an owl, okay?"

I nodded as we were directed by the ticket inspector to go through the barrier, "Same goes for you. Sirius was a great guy, too young to die…" my voice was not my own, it was high pitched and barely controlled, "He's my second cousin. I wonder if he knew?"

Harry shrugged his shoulders as he kept walking ahead of me, looking around for the Weasleys and the Grangers. He quickly disappeared into the crowds and I was getting in the way of people trying to reach their families. I watched as Draco hugged his mother. Narcissa's eyes met mine and they disapparated on the spot, as though hoping not to be seen. That felt like a stab in the chest.

"Hey you," George wrapped his arms around me, "it's so good to see you!" he kissed the top of my head.

I breathed in his familiar scent and burst into tears. My whole body shuddered as I buried my face into his chest and sobbed my heart out.

"Oh Katy…" he rubbed my back, "Come here…" he pulled me in a little tighter as my sobs became more pronounced and I was definitely ugly crying as I let out days worth of sadness and anxiety out all at once, "Everyone's here," he told me in a calming voice, "Mum, Dad, Lupin, Tonks, Moody… why don't we go over and see them?"

"I – don't – want – to – see – anyone…" I said through shuddered breath.

He looked down at me, "You've lost weight… Have you not been eating?" his hands found my hips, "Have things been a lot worse than you've been letting on?"

"Things – are – awful." I told him, gripping onto him tight, "I – don't – want – to – be – away – from – you – ever – again." I spluttered, "Bad – things – happen – when – we're – apart…"

"Oh Katy…" his voice was low and thick with emotion, "let me see you…"

I looked up at him and he wiped my tears.

"Let's go over and see everyone." He suggested.

"I – just – want – to – go – home."

"Alright," he said, "Fred, would you -"

"I'm on it." Fred responded.

George brought me directly to the Burrow and had an arm around me as we went into the sitting room. He sat down and pulled me down onto his knee where I turned and put my feet on the seat, knees drawn up to my chest, arms wrapped around him, he stroked my hair as I wept. I was inconsolable as he whispered sweet nothings into my ear, he told me that everything would be alright, he promised that he wouldn't leave me. He said that we would get through this together.

I woke up, having cried myself to sleep once again, to George rocking me gently back and forth.

"Hey you," George smiled down at me, "You're so beautiful when you sleep!"

I looked up at him with watery eyes, "I'm sorry…"

"You don't need to be sorry…" he kissed my forehead, "I don't mean to alarm you or anything, but I really need to pee."

"Sorry," I moved myself.

"Come with me," he said.

I glanced up at him, "To the toilet?"

He laughed, "Upstairs. You can unpack a bit, Fred said he left your trunk in Ginny's room."

"Oh, thanks." I followed George up the stairs and, feeling what hungover must feel like, I found my trunk and opened it. I stared into the mess of clothes at the top and the neatly folded stuff closer to the bottom. My whole life was in that case. Everything I owned.

"You hungry?" I jumped as George placed a hand on my shoulder a few minutes later, "There's some leftovers for us in the kitchen."

I shook my head.

"C'mon." George held out his hand, "I've never known you to say no to food. And I don't want you getting any thinner."

I decided not to argue. It was getting dark outside and there was a low buzz of voices coming from the kitchen. I heard Ron and Ginny bickering and Molly telling them to lower their voices. When I entered the kitchen with George, silence ensued.

"Kathryn dear!" Molly said loudly to fill the emptiness, "Take a seat!"

I sat down on the seat between George and Ginny. Molly placed a bowl of steaming stew in front of George and me. I looked at my portion and let out a deep breath.

"Please don't tell me you're going to pull the same crap here as you have been at school!" Ron stared at me but I didn't meet his eyes. Instead, I lifted my spoon and coerced myself to take a small bite. Eating during these past two weeks has felt like whenever mum put my least favourite meal in front of me – cabbage which was a boiled mush, beef which was as tough as leather and undercooked potatoes swimming in watery gravy.

"Are you okay?" George asked me.

"I think I'll just go up to bed."

Ginny sat forwards, "That's what I've been telling you, mum, Kathryn has not eaten a decent meal since finding out about -"

I stood up drastically, "Go on! Say it! Say that woman's name! The woman who killed Sirius, the woman who tortured Neville's parents into oblivion, the woman who give birth to me and gave me up because I wasn't good enough…"

"Kathryn, you don't know that! Nobody knows the reason why…" Molly said calmly.

"She does!" I said angrily, "But it's not as if I can just go and ask her! And I've tried writing to Narcissa. She was badgering me all year about writing to her and now that I have, she won't reply AND WHAT MAKES IT BETTER IS THAT SHE DISAPPARATED EARLIER SO SHE WOULDN'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH ME -"

Tears were rolling down my face in anger.

"Do you know what the worst thing is…?" I asked, my voice now quiet and deadly, "you both knew and didn't tell me." I looked between Arthur and Molly, both of whom were very pale, "Do you know how that feels?" my chin wobbled, "That's why you didn't like me when we first met. You look at me and you see her."

My whole body shuddered as I cried.

Molly wrapped her arms around me and held me tight, "We don't see Bellatrix Lestrange, we see you, Kathryn, the beautiful, talented and intelligent young woman…" Molly had tears in her eyes as she looked up at me.

"That wasn't good enough." I finished.

George took over from his mum and held me close, "You are good enough." he lifted my chin, "Look at me," he told me, "You will always be good enough."

After a few minutes I managed, somehow, to pull myself together.

"D'you want to come up to bed?" Ginny asked.

I nodded.

I looked up at George, no doubt with red, swollen eyes, "See you in the morning." I stood on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek gently.

Fred stood up at this point and George put his hand on his neck; one sure sign he was going to tell me something I didn't like. "Katy…" he said slowly, "Fred and I – we don't live here anymore… We live in the flat above the shop. We'll come visit tomorrow evening."

My chest felt very tight all of a sudden, "Oh. Okay."

"I promise I'll come see you as much as I can."

I nodded.

George cupped my cheek and stroked it before kissing me on the head, "Night." He said.

I stood on the spot for a minute or two after Fred and George stood out the back door and disapparated. The house was so quiet and I felt empty inside. What took me out of the cold world I had momentarily visited was Ginny's warm hand linking into mine.

"C'mon." she said, grabbing two cups of tea off the table and handing me one. I followed her upstairs and into her room.

"I imagine I am going to be the worst company you could ask for."

"Don't be silly, Kit-Kat!" she smiled, "We're here for each other. We talk, we cry and we laugh together and you know I've always got gossip."

I glanced up at her from my trunk.

"Dean has promised to write to me, we'll see how that goes!" she said sceptically.

"Dean?" I questioned.

Ginny nodded, "Yeah, Dean – Dean Thomas?"

"What about him?"

Ginny shook her head, "I told you -" she looked taken aback, "You really weren't listening, were you?"

"Ginny, what are you talking about?"

"I started dating Dean Thomas." She told me, "A few days after I got out of the hospital wing. Michael is now dating Cho."

"Oh." I stood on the spot, holding my pyjamas, feeling, if possible slightly worse than I had done, "I'm so sorry… I – Once again I -"

Ginny, who had one leg in her pyjama bottoms, nearly fell over trying to reach me, "It's okay, I probably told you when you were asleep…" she reasoned, "I'm glad you haven't the chance to take a swing at him, though." She chuckled to herself.

I didn't find it particularly funny. I felt myself spiralling again, into the black hole. Ginny has another boyfriend that I didn't listen to her tell me about. George isn't here, he's off living somewhere else. Narcissa Malfoy took one look at me and disapparated. My birth mother chucked me when she realised I wasn't good enough for her. Narcissa has probably told Bellatrix that I'm not worth getting to know. She was the one who killed Sirius, who tortured Frank and Alice Longbottom, who is Voldemort's greatest supporter. I was partly the cause of Lucius being sent to Azkaban, so they all probably hate me. My adoptive family hate me. Peter took a swing at me. Helen and Richard tried to kill me. Granny's dead… I can't eat. All I do is cry and sleep. That's all I'm good for.

"Breathe, Kit-Kat, breathe." Ginny walked me over to the bedside and sat me down, "It's okay, it's my fault, I – please don't cry…"

"It's not you – it's me – I'm a terrible person –" my hands pulled at my hair as I shuddered and broke down again, unable to control a thing. I was a mess. I cried out every tear I had left and then stared at the ceiling for the next few hours, contemplating life.

1st July

The next morning when Ginny was getting out of bed, I pretended to be asleep. I felt like I had been reliving the worst day of my life every single day. Every time I think I'm having the worst day, life always manages to get one up on me. The more time I had to think about my past, the more I felt like everything was falling apart. The voice in my head was telling me that I'm a waste of space. I felt worthless.

"Hey, Kit-Kat," Ginny got into bed beside me late that afternoon and wrapped an arm around me, "You know how mum is about making sure everyone's fed…" she waited for a response from me, but I remained silent, "we've just baked a batch of brownies, if you'd like to come down and test one?" her voice was bubbly and brimming with forced positivity, "I recall you saying your secret ingredients were chocolate chips and fudge, so we added some."

She sighed, got up off the bed and threw her curtains open, flooding the room with light, "Mum says that if you don't get out of bed in the next ten minutes, she's going to come up here herself and – well, I don't know what she'll do…"

And as sure as Ginny's word, Molly Weasley showed her face, "Leave us, a minute, Ginny dear. If you could make a pot of tea?"

When the door snapped shut, Molly sat on the edge of the bed and stroked my hair gently, "I knew you were hurting, but I didn't realise you were suffering this badly…" she spoke slowly and calmly, "Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall were worried enough to write, so I probably should have suspected this…" she sighed, "you can talk to me about anything, you know that, don't you?"

"Yeah," my voice was barely a whisper.

"I can understand that you are in shock, and I can sympathise that you are conflicted right now, and I think I know you well enough to know that you're not very amused at George either…" she told me, "but I must take blame for George… I told him that you couldn't stay with him. I thought it would be better if I could keep an eye on you myself." She paused, "But I think – I think I was wrong." I watched as she stared at Ginny's jewellery box on the bedside table, it was pink and had a ballerina design on it, "He's told me he plans on marrying you, that despite who your parents are, he loves you." She smiled to herself, "He's really grown up since you two have been together, matured even. You're good for each other." We sat for a while in complete silence, listening to others move about the house, or the quiet chirping of birds outside. Molly then clapped her hands onto her thighs and pushed herself up, "There's a cuppa and a brownie downstairs with your name on it." She said before leaving.

I lay there for a while longer. I had to coax my brain to make it tell the rest of my body what to do. I knew what I had to do – roll out of bed, put on clothes, freshen up, go downstairs. But it was just so difficult.

Instead it was sit up in bed – one foot on the floor then the other foot – use your hands to push yourself up into standing position – steady yourself – and I had to take every other step and action one at a time. It was slow, laborious and painstakingly self-demoralising. Then I hit the top of the stairs; it was only the one flight. I could hear footsteps above me, clumping down the steps, no fear of falling, no hesitation.

"You go first…" I whispered and gestured for Ron to overtake me.

Ron shook his head, "It's alright." he gestured for me to continue, "Mum won't bite your head off, promise."

"It's not that…" I sighed, "Why does it have to be so difficult?"

"Why does what have to be so difficult?" Ron repeated.

"Getting out of bed?" I told him, "Walking down a single set of stairs?"

His eyebrows furrowed, "What d'you mean?"

"I feel so ill just standing here."

Ron stared at me, "You do look a little pale, but no wonder," he paused, standing beside me, "D'you – em – want to – er – lean on me?"

"I'm good!" I pointed my head to the bottom of the stairs, "I'll be right behind you."

Ron nodded and went ahead as I gripped onto the bannister and took the first step. Right. I thought to myself. I can do this. I took the next stair and the next and the next. I was halfway there.

"Mum these are lovely!" I heard Ron say from the ajar kitchen door.

I braved the last few steps and stood in the doorway and took a deep breath as I pressed on the handle and walked into the room. Molly smiled and pointed her wand at a mug on the table and it filled with tea.

"Thanks." I said quietly, taking a seat.

"What's for dinner this evening, mum?" Ron asked as I wrapped my cold hands around the mug.

"You are always thinking about your stomach." Ginny commented.

Molly nodded in agreement, "I was thinking Fish Pie."

Ron seemed content with this answer. I, for one, was far more interested in the plate of brownies in the centre of the table. I must have been staring, as Ginny placed one in front of me and said, "You really ought not to be shy around here."

I didn't join in on the conversation as Molly chatted to her youngest children. The taste of chocolate was enough for me as I ate my brownie and drank my tea. It was strangely quiet in The Burrow without everyone else, without Fred and George. Molly stood and started folding a pile of clothing into a basket. I noticed that the clock that usually hung on the Weasleys' sitting-room wall was lain on the table beside Molly, who kept a close eye on it. Every single one of its nine hands were now pointing at mortal peril.

Lovely.

"Want to give me a hand, Kit-Kat?" Ginny placed a hand on my arm.

"Huh?" I turned to look at her.

She smiled, "Can you help me chop veg for dinner if I peel the potatoes?"

"Oh, yeah." I stood and went over to the sink and washed my mug, and got started on cutting up onions, carrots, leeks and I then chopped the potatoes and had them all boiling as Ginny saw to the fish.

I had a look about in the cupboards for ingredients to make a decent sauce. Molly entered the kitchen at this stage and happily stood and did more washing as I, according to her, seemingly had everything under control. I mixed a load of flour and milk in a saucepan with handfuls of other ingredients together.

Not so long later, Ginny and I had assembled everything, now for Molly to use magic to heat it all though, "I should definitely leave you two to cook more often, it smells delicious."

"I'm just the understudy to the brilliant -" Ginny began but stopped, "Where're you going Kit-Kat?"

I paused as I was about to turn the handle, "To pee." I said.

"Oh." Ginny said, her cheeks now pink.

"Food will be served in five minutes." Molly reminded, exchanging looks with Ron and Ginny. I knew as soon as I shut the door that they would talk about me. Worst thing was, I could hear them.

"I'm really worried about her…" Molly said.

"She's just miserable, mum." Ron commented, "I mean, I've seen her sad, but she's bounced back before. I thought that almost being murdered would have been worse than this, but -"

Ginny interrupted, "When we were at school, before she told us, I was in her dormitory and she looked in the mirror at herself and… I think she sees her mother. You can't deny, now that the connection has been made that she does look a lot like Bellatrix. A lot, a lot."

"I knew the first time I saw her." She told her children, "A lot of people had an idea of who she was before she did. Thank goodness she acts nothing like them. But I suppose I don't actually know them."

"What're we going to do mum?" Ginny asked.

"We're going to hope she can get through this and pray that she doesn't do anything stupid." I heard Molly sigh, "If she mentions anything, and I mean anything about going to find her mother, you tell her no. Do you hear me? If Dumbledore is right, and when is he ever wrong, if Kathryn finds her mother and has the opportunity to speak to her, she will never return to us."

Ginny replied, "You've already told us, mum!"

Ron asked, "So what if Bellatrix finds Kathryn?"

"We are not going to allow that to happen, alright?" Molly said firmly, "I've already warned Fred and George. If she mentions it, you bring her to me, your father or any member of the Order, alright? Do you hear me? She cannot be in contact with either of her parents."

"Yes." said both Ron and Ginny together.

I decided at that point to go upstairs and do what I said I was going to do in the first place. As I was in the bathroom, I splashed my face with some cold water and caught my reflection in the mirror and groaned. It's true; now that I know I'm related to her, it's all I can see.

There was a knock at the door, "Are you alright in there?"

"Yeah," I said as I wiped the stray tear from my watery eyes, "sorry… I'll be down in a minute."

When I opened the door, Ginny was standing with her back leaning against the wall. She was forcing herself to act natural, as though she was sent up to talk to me. She grabbed a chunk of her hair and started playing with it gently, "You know, Kit-Kat…" she began, "you don't have to do this on your own."

"I know." I responded, walking down the stairs, I heard the door open and I hoped Fred and George had arrived.

It wasn't them. It was Arthur, "Can't stay long, I'm just here to grab a bite and I'll be on – ah, Kathryn, good to see you."

"And you." I said out of politeness rather than anything else as Molly dished out for everyone.

"Dinner smells delicious, Molly!" Arthur smiled, it was then that the lines on his face became a little more pronounced; he was exhausted. Arthur Weasley is one of the hardest working men I know and the Ministry is probably exploiting him for his kind, good willed nature.

Molly kissed her husband's cheek after she plated his meal, "The two girls made dinner this evening," she commented, "how was work today?"

"Busy as usual," Arthur yawned as he finished what was in his mouth, "You know, Molly, I don't think the Ministry has ever been so united, I think Fudge will be sacked any day now."

"And who do you think the frontrunners are for Minister, Dad?" Ron asked, tucking into his large portion of dinner.

Arthur removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes, "I think it'll go to Scrimgeour, he's head of the Auror office, so it would be the natural choice, after Albus Dumbledore of course. But Dumbledore has declined, as we all knew he would."

"Kit-Kat, I watched you make the sauce, yet I have no idea how you make it taste so good." Ginny said, probably noticing that I was yet to take a bite, "what's your secret?"

"I added a teaspoon of mustard." I answered. I had all four pairs of Weasley eyes on me as I sat there, so I lifted my fork, got a lump of cheesy, mustardy potato and ate with a smile. That seemed to make them less unsettled. One thing I didn't have the heart to say is that I really do not like salmon. I picked through the food on my plate, eating the potato and vegetables.

Fred and George still hadn't made their grand appearance by 9pm and I was losing hope of them showing. Ron and Ginny were playing a game of exploding snap, Arthur was half asleep reading the newspaper having returned after yet another raid, Molly was knitting and I wrote here, in my diary.

The sun was setting quickly and it was increasingly difficult to see what I was writing. I really wanted to go up to bed, but no-one else made any signs of wanting to move. Instead, as I sat, my head filled with negative feelings and memories. I started to think about the prospect of meeting Bellatrix Lestrange. What would happen if we were to meet? Would she try and kill me? Does she think I'm dead? Would she welcome me with open arms? I doubted the latter. Perhaps Molly is right, maybe Bellatrix would murder me on the spot if we came face to face.

The door to the sitting room swung open and George walked in, "Sorry I'm late…" he smiled at me.

"Hi," I smiled back.

George frowned at me, "Am I not going to get a hug?" he held open his arms.

"Sorry…" I said quietly before standing and wrapping my arms around his middle and breathing him in. I felt myself relax for the first time today.

When I pulled away I saw Molly and Arthur nod to each other and Molly asked, "Did you get my letter earlier?"

"Yes," George said with a grin, "Fred's more than happy, that's actually why I was a bit late, we were preparing."

"Picking up all your dirty underwear and making the place presentable, not that I've seen past the -"

George shrugged his shoulders, "You're all very welcome to have a look at the place." then his hands fell upon mine and he smiled, "How would you like to come stay with us for the summer? At the shop?"

I felt my eyes widen, "Seriously?"

"Seriously." George nodded, smiling.

I let out a little squeal.

"If you don't like it there, mum's happy to have you back here." He said cautiously, "You can have my room, I'll move into Fred's."

I was beyond excited. "YES! YES! YES!" I wrapped my arms around him again, "It's just like we talked about!" I shook my head incredulously, as I remembered the conversations we had over the last few weeks as George talked about us moving in together and if I'd like to sometime, "You – you had this all planned. Very cunning, George Weasley, very cunning."

"Do you want to get your stuff?" he asked me.

I smirked, then turned to Molly and leaned down and hugged her, "Thank you!" I said sincerely, before running up the stairs to throw my pyjamas, toothbrush and toothpaste back in. I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

There was a tap at the door, "Need a hand?" Ginny asked.

"I think I've got everything, actually. Apart from -"

"This?" she asked, handing me my diary, quill and ink, "I can't believe Mum is letting you and George move in together. Or maybe I should word it, let you move in with Fred and George." She lifted a travelling cloak for me to borrow, "I'll miss having you here…"

"At least you get your room back," I told her, "and I'm only a Floo away! I'm sure Fred and George would be happy for you to come!"

Ginny still looked disappointed.

"Look," I said, "You've been an absolute rock to me over these past two weeks and I really appreciate it, but I've got to do this -"

"I know, your face lit up when you saw him."

After a lot of do's and don'ts from Molly and a lot of promises from George and me, I was allowed to leave via the Floo Network, which had a permanent connection between the two places of residence should I ever need to use it. She told us multiple times about being sensible and not creating any little-

"ALRIGHT MUM," George said loudly, "we get it."

"Oh and Kathryn dear -"

"No little Weasley's, got it. If I need anything, I'll come to you. I'm always welcome to visit. If either of them piss me off, I have permission to hit them as magic is not permitted. Got it."

"Oi." George said.

I smirked, "You gotta be nice to me."

Ginny folded her arms, "Actually, you've to be more than nice to her, because she's my Princess."

"Too right." I winked.

George blinked, "Can we go now?" but before getting a response he said, "Excellent. Let's go Katy. You go first, just say Weasleys Wizard Wheezes."

"I'd never have guessed." I smirked as I made the flames green and Floo'd with my trunk. I landed, moments later in the fireplace of Fred and George's flat. I walked into a large open space. To my immediate right was the kitchen with a small table and chairs. In front of me was a sofa with two armchairs and a few big cushions. To the left was a lot of business-looking-like-stuff and there was a door in front, one to the left and another to the right.

"Kathryn!" Fred exclaimed, and took my trunk; it zoomed through a door in front to the right, "I was wondering when the two of you were going to show up! I've been waiting ages." He then shook his head, "It was mum, wasn't it, even though it was her idea, she still couldn't let you go, could she?"

"Right and right." I smiled and George appeared behind me.

He sighed, "I thought I'd never get you out of there!" he smiled, "But you're here now and that's what matters with a list of things you and I are not allowed to do, how delightful to discuss that with your parents."

"Can I just make a teensie -" Fred held his thumb and forefinger close together, almost touching, "- little suggestion that you two don't get – you know – like that – in front of me."

I glared at him. He knows fine right I'm not like that.

He smirked, "Want a slice of pizza?"

"You've got pizza?"

"Somebody's changed her tune." Fred joked.

"Shut up," I said, grabbing a slice and devouring it on the spot, "You have no idea how long I have craved comfort food like this. Oh it's delicious."

George picked up a slice and sat down on the sofa, "Is it as good as the pizza we had that night in the hotel?"

"Oooooh," I thought back, "Nah, this is so much better. Where'd you get it?"

"Muggle pizza place near the Leaky Cauldron."

"Good to know." I stored a mental note, "Oi." I said as Fred's hand reached into another disguised box, "You got chicken goujons?"

George laughed, "I told you we needed to buy more! We got goujons, garlic bread, curly fries and hot wings." George nudged Fred as he lifted a slice of garlic bread, "Look at the excitement on Katy's face. I remember what we were like celebrating our opening day."

"It must have been incredible." I said, "I mean the buzz of opening day! I felt the excitement leap of the parchment as I wrote to you!" I grinned, "I must admit, a teensie bit of me was jealous, I wish I could have been here." I watched as the twins quickly ate their way through the rest of the pizza.

"It was something else." Fred said, polishing off the last slice.

George continued, "I don't think we've really stopped these last few weeks." he then saw the lack of food in my hands, or being chewed, "have a few goujons or something!" he told me, handing the box over.

"I'm not taking away from your dinner."

"I'm not having you disappear completely." He raised his eyebrows at me.

Fred smirked, "We really don't mind," he handed George a piece of garlic bread pizza and it was shoved into my mouth.

The three of us were in stitches as I had to cover my mouth as I chewed, "Stob ib!" I said, mouth half-full, "I'm not supposed to eat an entire slice all at once!" I said after swallowing.

"Well, your mouth is certainly big enough." Fred joked.

I scoffed.

"You can't deny you've missed us." George put rubbish into a bag.

"Inexplicably so." I tried to hide a grin.

"And just when Fred and I were thinking about giving you the grand tour…?" George poked fun at me.

I put a hand on my hip, "And here's me thinking I'd have to ask."

George rolled his eyes and said, "Stand up and close your eyes."

I stood and glared up at him, folding my arms, sizing him up.

"Trust me." he said.

"Okay," I closed my eyes and a blindfold was placed over. George took one arm whilst Fred took the other and walked me out the door and down a set of steps. I'm almost certain that I experienced a lot of near misses as Fred and George tugged me out of the way of certain displays and boxes, both giggling to each other. I nearly fell down a set of stairs, but Fred managed to get his arms around me in time, it was his fault, after all, he did let go. I jokingly hit him as we got to the bottom of the stairs and they turned me around, to get the best positioning to view their 'Empire'.

"You can open your eyes now…"

The blindfold was loosened and I was greeted by an amazing array of colours. There were Skiving Snackboxes piled up to the ceiling beside me. I walked towards the bins of their trick wands, the cheapest turning into a squeaky chicken and the more expensive apparently beats the unwary user around the head and neck. (I was careful not to touch them.) Opposite were boxes of quills, Self-inking, Spell-checking and Smart answers varieties.

"I remember talking about these -"

"And we made them." Fred said.

I walked on and saw a tiny little wooden man and the box beside told me he is used in a game of Hangman. A large display behind that was dedicated to the Patented Daydream Charms. George had gifted me a bottle of the charmed potion and it was lying somewhere in my trunk as I was too afraid to try it, thinking it was a joke. Well, of course it's a joke, this is a JOKE SHOP!

"Come in here!" George guided me into a corner and said, "You were the inspiration for this section, too. You gave me a present a few years back –"

"The Muggle Magic tricks." I gasped, having a look at the cards and ropes and the multi-coloured tissues. There was a box of items to teach sleight of hand, rubik cubes and a box that had all the ingredients to concoct bogies.

"This stuff is, it's truly -" I couldn't find the words, "Oh look!" I hurried over to hold up the newly packaged game of "You choose" which Fred and George had gifted me the prototype to test, "I can't believe – you guys! This is incredible!"

George took my hand and lead be up the staircase, which had a puppet of Umbridge on a unicycle, precariously balanced, carrying a heavy load on her shoulders. First thing at the top of the stairs that caught my eye were a collection of 'Edible Dark Marks' and in small print below, 'guaranteed to make anyone sick'. Charming. I walked past a shelf of screaming yo-yos, boxes containing a 'broom-broom kit', sneaking spiders and dung bombs.

"Are these what I think they are?" I pointed carefully at the stand containing spider-like creatures. The first time I was in The Burrow, the night I had packed my things ready to leave Hogwarts, George had brought me to his room to chat and I was bitten by a spider-like thing that made my arm go completely numb.

George tried to stifle a laugh, "Yes."

"Do you see the sticking trainers in the far corner?" Fred asked, placing a hand on my shoulder, leaning down to my eye level, pointing at a pair of very normal looking trainers climbing up and down the wall as though sticking by suckers or suction cups.

"Awesome!"

"And the portable swamp?"

"Yeah!" I answered as I wondered what happened to the one in Hogwarts.

George pulled back a curtain proudly, directing me into a darker room. The products lining the walls in this small room were more subdued, and then I realised just how serious they were: there were shield hats, for those who cannot perform a shield charm. I picked one up, "The Ministry has placed an order for five hundred of these for its support staff!"

"And we just got another massive order in today!" Fred added.

I picked up a cloak and wrapped it around my shoulders, "Stun me," I joked, holding up my hands limply, placing one of the hats on my head and the gloves, too.

"You mean you're not already stunned by this place?" George joked.

"Well…!" I took off the tester clothing and put on a product I was familiar with, the Headless Hat, which makes only your head disappear along with the hat, "I suppose these will be useful for people who can't do this…" I said, making myself completely invisible, taking off the hat and placing it back on the shelf.

Fred stared at me as I reappeared, "It amazes me every time how you can just… disappear."

"Comes in handy sometimes." I said, viewing the Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder, Decoy Detonators, Sneakoscopes and Extendable Ears all within the more serious 'Defence Against the Dark Arts' section, "You have both been very busy." I remarked.

"Take anything you want." Fred said.

I turned to look at him, "I can't do that!"

"If it wasn't for you, we wouldn't have this place!" George said.

Fred continued, "We haven't forgotten what you've done for us, both of us, even when we probably didn't deserve it."

George nodded, "Honestly, whatever takes your fancy, it's yours."

"Thanks." I said in a small voice.

"Oh!" George said suddenly, "I almost forgot to show you the WonderWitch section, with you being a girl and all that."

I turned very slowly and stared at him, blinking at him in a very pronounced way.

He smirked, "I always knew you were a girl, don't worry. I'm not as blind as Ronnie-kins."

Fred chuckled, "Before the two of you have a domestic…" Fred closed the curtain to the Defence Against the Dark Arts section, and brought me to the back of the second floor towards the window with a violently pink and purple product area that was indeed the WonderWitch section, "Best range of Love Potions you'll find anywhere." He said.

"Are you insinuating I need a Love Potion, Freddie?" I pulled a stern look, desperately trying to hold back laughter.

"I suppose I shouldn't mention the Guaranteed Ten-Second Pimple Vanisher or the Flirting Fancies, then?" he joked back.

I noticed a bunch of fluff-balls in shades of pink and purple at the bottom of a cage, "Oooooh, what are these?" I asked, choosing not to answer Fred.

George lifted one out, "Here!" he said and I grudgingly took one and it emitted a high-pitched squeak, "Pigmy Puffs," he explained as I stroked the little animal, "Miniature puffskeins, we can't breed them fast enough!"

"OH!" I said, "Aren't you cute?"

"Why, thank you." George jumped about on the spot, pretending to blush, acting his impression of the word 'coy'.

Fred yawned, and naturally, so did George. "I don't know about you two," Fred said, "But I am exhausted."

George nodded, "Me too mate."

I wasn't overly tired, but I knew they were only awake for my benefit. I looked over at the clock and saw that it was past midnight, "Ditto." I placed the Pigmy Puff back into the cage with his or her friends and it ran about happily, emitting some more high-pitched squeaks before settling into a corner, wedged between two other Puffs. I couldn't help but feel a little emotional for no apparent reason, but I held it in.

George had waited for me as I watched them and he directed me up the stairs and into his room, where I would be sleeping. "I've cleared some space for you to hang stuff up and there's drawers for you, too." He showed me, "And the bathroom in there is yours. Mum gave me a box of stuff for you to use."

"Thanks!"

"If you need anything, just let me know." He nodded, "Anything at all." Then he grabbed his pyjamas and said, "Can I get you a cup of tea?"

"Yeah."

"And you know you can just help yourself in here?" George called out from the kitchen, which was directly in front of the doorway were I was standing, "Fred and I open up at 9, so we usually are downstairs from half 8 getting ready and letting the rest of the staff in." he glanced over at his brother and nodded.

"We wanted to give you this." Fred, who was now in his pyjamas, handed me a rectangular box.

I opened it to reveal a set of keys, "Is this -?" my voice failed me.

Fred smiled widely, "This key is for the flat and that one is for the front door, on the off-chance you can't get in. We want you to feel at home here. And you know I'm here if you need anything as well."

I couldn't help myself but wrap my arms around Fred, "Thank you."

George handed me the cup of steaming hot tea and I set it down beside the box with the keys and smiled. I put my arms around him, too, "I'll probably unpack a bit before going to sleep," I told them, "Night!"

George kissed my forehead and closed the door, "Night, Katy!" I listened to George's footsteps as he walked softly and there was a snap of the twins' bedroom door as it closed. Now there was silence, too. Silence and I are not good friends. I couldn't hold it in any longer.

Tears streamed down my face as I reached into my trunk and pulled out my pyjamas, toothbrush, toothpaste and dressing gown. I got ready for bed and sat drinking the tea, constantly wiping my face with a tissue as I looked through the box of things Molly left me including shampoo, conditioner, a lovely smelling shower gel, pads, makeup wipes and a bar of chocolate. That didn't help either with the tears. My own mother wouldn't do something as kind as this for me. I lifted everything out and noticed a book at the bottom entitled, 'So Now You've Found Out You're Adopted…'.

I read the blurb, "My name is Paula Neilson and I found out I was adopted on my eighteenth birthday. It tore me apart; I didn't know who I was or where I came from. My parents, the people who raised me, took part in a closed adoption and know very little of my biological parents. In this book, I have written ways I have used to cope and discover things about myself. I hope this can help you understand your own feelings or the feelings of your loved one as they undergo the most challenging time of their life."

From inside the front cover fell out a note which simply said,

I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive me.

It was Molly's handwriting. My body shuddered as I wept on the bathroom floor, shedding tears on a book she believed could help me. I somehow gathered strength to place the book on the bedside table closest to me and got into bed and wrote in my diary.

So here I am.

Alone,

In unfamiliar surroundings,

Scared,

Unsure of what is to come,

Curious,

Blind to what has been,

Apprehensive,

I was created by a monster,

Crying,

My eyes red and sore,

Exhausted,

Unable to find the comfort of sleep.