16th July

It was the morning after the night before. After my third nightmare I decided that sleep was no longer an option. The nightmares were stupid, about what happened the night before, the things that were said and done. I sat up to read for an hour or so and when George had to get up I quickly got out of his way.

"Do you not fancy coming down to give me a hand since Fred isn't back from Angelina's yet?" George asked me as he sat down to some breakfast. I was sitting on the sofa, continuing to read.

I didn't even look up at him as I said, "Not today."

"Okay," he said, and ten minutes later he was away without the box of cupcakes for all the staff.

The thing about last night is… it didn't go too well. There were no arguments, no cross words yet there was now an awkwardness between George and me. And Fred… well I didn't blame him. He did what any man would do in that situation. One thing I was very glad of was the chance to meet up with Maura for a chat. She gave me an appointment where she had an opening and today's couldn't have come at a better time.

"Hello, Kathryn!" she smiled, "Take a seat wherever you like." She said, pouring me out a cup of tea. She would tend to eat a midmorning snack when we had our meetings together, knowing that I felt like I was talking to a friend, rather than a therapist. Maura really did go out of her way to make me feel at ease. As she set the cup and todays pastry of choice, the pain au chocolat, in front of me she said, "From the last time we met, I have read a very interesting book called 'Spirits of the Soul' which looks at the mind and the body and how our spirits and our souls can often interlink with how we think and feel."

"Interesting." I commented, "From the last time we met, I found out that both my parents are dead in mysterious circumstances and I'm pretty sure it was my birth mother who did it. There's other stuff that I want to talk about, cause I'm actually alright with fake mother and father being dead."

Maura sat, taking a sip of coffee and her quick quotes quill wrote a short note, "So you feel you are coping with the news?"

"Yeah."

"What is it you would like to discuss today?"

"Sex." I told her, I had to just say it, get over my embarrassment.

Maura looked taken aback, "Under which context?"

I took a deep breath, and repositioned myself on the bucket chair, crossing my leg over the other way, "I'm living with Fred and George and sleeping in the same bed as George and recently, perhaps more and more often the topic of sex has arisen between us."

"I understand."

"There are so many of my friends who just assume that George and I have had sex, but we haven't. I guess I haven't been ready. He has been for ages and he said that there wasn't any pressure, because at the time I thought I was only fifteen and he understands that I'm younger. Yet at the beginning of September I'm turning seventeen." I paused, "I don't think he expects anything, he just wants to know if there's interest, which there is, don't get me wrong, but… I just…" I sighed, "I don't know. I can't work out my own brain right now."

Maura nodded, "Alright, let's break it down. When did this really start affecting you?"

"Last week?" I thought about it, "Ginny and Tonks just made comments and George was bringing it up and I told Tonks quite frankly that I don't feel like I could bear all to George. My body is not sexy. I have scars, I carry extra weight and I don't want George to look at me and feel completely repulsed. That's my worst nightmare. Maura, I look at myself in the mirror and I hate the way I look, so why on earth could George find me attractive?"

"You need to learn to love yourself before you can truly accept anyone else's love." Maura said simply.

I nodded. I sat there in silence for a minute thinking about what it was she meant. "I think last night just… scared me a bit."

"What happened?" she asked.

"Well, yesterday morning I helped out in the shop and that afternoon I was doing a spot of baking and I got my O.W.L. results, I got 7 O's and 2 OO's -"

"Kathryn that's mightily impressive!" she congratulated me, "Well done!"

I smiled a little, "Thanks." Then I got back to the story, "Fred had previously said that he would treat us to dinner as a way of thanks for helping him out, so when I told them my results, he said that the three of us could go out for dinner, or if I wanted, he could do it another night if I wanted to go out with George on my own."

"How very considerate."

"Yeah," I nodded, "But I said I'd like him and his girlfriend Ange to join us, I knew her from school, and I liked her so in my opinion it would have been a good night."

Maura noticed me pause, "But let me guess… it wasn't?"

I shook my head, I started fidgeting, "Ange showed up in a white, skin tight dress showing off her perfect body, pretty sure she has abs. I was standing there in this outfit." I showed off the nice trousers, blouse and oxford shoes.

"Very respectable," she said, "You're not one for dresses, aren't you?"

"No." I said, "I've never felt comfortable showing off that much flesh, not with the way my mother and more specifically my father treated me. Dad used to comment on the way I looked all the time, my tree trunk legs, the fat on my body that could feed a family for a month -" I felt myself get emotional and closed my eyes so that I didn't have to look at myself.

Maura sighed, "No wonder you look at yourself so unfavourably."

I forced myself to continue, "Ange said that I needed to go and get ready when she arrived. I was ready. So I freaked out and I felt like an elephant standing in front of the wardrobe and wanted to rip the skin clean off my body. I just don't -"

"I imagine she meant no harm."

I shook my head, "No, of course not. But when you're faced with a gorgeous girl like her and then you've got me standing beside her, you just feel a bit shit. George convinced me to wear my cobalt skirt and shoes with a white blouse. I felt so frumpy. She managed to catch all the eyes as we walked into the restaurant." I sighed, "I felt so self-conscious the entire time. George put his hand on my thigh under the table to calm me, but it only ended up making me jump and any affection he tried to give, I couldn't take." I paused, gathering myself, "I feel like the world's worst girlfriend, all I could do all evening was watch Ange and stare at her, green with envy as she and Fred -" I pulled a face, unable to describe the way they got on. "Ange also ate very little saying that the portions were too big and that's why people put on weight. And there's me sitting with a clean plate in front of me."

Maura nodded, "Sounds like you had quite the evening."

"Afterwards, Ange suggested going out for more drinks, bearing in mind the three of them had been drinking cause I was the only one not over eighteen in a muggle restaurant. So I told them that I would go back home and they could go out and drink some more. Ange told me I was a spoil sport and invited Fred back to hers for 'dessert', yes, dessert." I mimicked throwing up, "I was so far past it that when I got back to the flat, I just got ready for bed. When I got in, George started talking to me." I let out a huge sigh.

"Go on…" she said.

I rubbed my eyes with my hands and bowed my head as I thought back to the night before, "He said, and I mean in these words… Sometimes I've got to remember how different we are Katy… I was brought up by loving wizarding parents, you were brought up by muggle parents who treated you badly. You were adopted, I was not. My parents only ever punished me when I was really bad, and you were punished constantly for no good reason. You have scars that point to a past, I don't have any. I was allowed to be free as a kid, explore the world at my fingertips, you explored the world through a window or a book. I was never left alone and you were constantly locked in a room or ignored for days. You had a brother, and I have five and a sister. Your parents had money and mine have none. My father has a legitimate job and your parents did not. You went to a muggle Primary school and I was home-schooled by my mum. You've been in hospital many times and I've only ever been in hospital visiting you or my dad, unless you count that time I collapsed from not eating properly. I am a year and a half older, I know what I want from life and I don't think you do yet. I'm ready for the next step and you're not. I'm ready for so much more. But I have to remember just how bad you've had it, I have to remember that your adoptive parents are dead, that your other parents are bad people, that you are broken and healing and I have to remember that you and I are very different people." I nodded to conclude what he said, "He tried to see if I was awake after that. I was, but I pretended to be asleep. I didn't want him to see me cry."

"He recognises that you are struggling."

"But Maura, here's the thing. He thought I was asleep, so he continued talking! Why do they continue talking?!" I felt myself get emotional again, and this time I could hardly control it, "He started telling me how much he loves me, he told me that he is proud of me, that despite everything that has happened to me, he is amazed that I can still function. He told me that he wishes I would be more open, that I would be more outgoing and that on a night out I wouldn't be so self-conscious or paranoid and just have a good time. He wishes that he knew how to make me feel more confident. He wishes that I would be more romantic… and I think by that he wants me to be more touchy feely, because he followed that by saying 'because you can be so hot and cold'. I know he was just being honest, but I'm not the pretty, go put on a dress sort of girl. I don't want that attention, I don't want to be looked at when I go out and about, I just want to get by in life without someone trying to kill me. I'm not a romantic either, I don't know how to be, I've never seen a proper functioning relationship apart from Molly and Arthur. All I've seen is fighting and arguing and spite and violence. I would love nothing more than to feel confident in myself, to wear something stupidly skimpy for George and to have a bloody good time with him. But the truth is I hate myself. I look in the mirror and I hate myself. I hate the way I look. I look like my mother for a start, which is something that is going to follow me for the rest of my life. I carry weight which I can't shift because sometimes I just need to sit there and eat the entire carton of ice-cream, or have that slice of cake or eat the entire block of chocolate because I eat my feelings. I hate myself, Maura. I hate the fat, I hate the scars, I hate my own mind. I hate the way I feel when I look at other girls. Ange has the perfect body, Hermione is smart and beautiful, Ginny is just breathtakingly gorgeous and has a beautiful mind, Fleur is a f*cking veela, and Tonks is brilliant in so many ways. I look at all these women in my life and then I compare myself to them and I think just how much better they are, how George would be far better off without me. Sometimes I feel I'm only in his life because he feels sorry for me and my stupid little miserable life. I hate that thought but the longer I stay in his life the more I realise it. He should have broken up with me ages ago! For all the shit I've put him through, I've argued with him, I'm not affectionate enough for him, I won't have sex with him, I'm not what he wants."

"But you are what he wants, he's just told you that he loves you and he thinks you're amazing and strong and the most beautiful girl. He doesn't want someone like Angelina, he doesn't want Hermione, or Ginny, or Tonks, or Fleur. He wants you. He's chosen you."

I grabbed a tissue, "But he shouldn't want me. He'd be better off without me. The whole world would."

"Now, Kathryn… You are in a bad place right now, but you cannot be thinking like that." Maura said strongly.

"But you don't get it. My head is f*cked up. I have f*cking nightmares constantly about the stupidest things I'm worried about. George deserves a girl who is whole and pretty and will treat him the way he deserves. He needs someone who will treasure him -"

"You treasure him."

I raised my voice, "But I won't give him what he wants!"

I sat there, shaking. My fingernails were digging into my legs; I was causing myself pain. I was rocking back and forth, desperately wanting everything to be black. I was done. I was so done with how I was feeling.

"I HATE myself." My voice was still raised, "I hate everything! I hate my body, I hate my scars, I hate the person in my head who tells me I'm not good enough, I hate what my parents have done to me. I will never be good enough for anyone, so why bother trying anymore? I should just give up." I told her in anger, "I have no one. No one. I have George and because I have George, I have the Weasleys. My own family don't want me. Hermione will choose Ron. Harry can't help me. Tonks has enough of her own problems so I should just make myself disappear." I grabbed onto a pillow and screamed into it, "Maura sometimes I wonder if it would have been better if I had just died. Bellatrix could have murdered me, the Death Eaters could have, my parents tried often enough. What if they succeeded? I could be lying dead in that house, still covered in my own blood, rotting. I should be dead. Sometimes I wish I was. It would be easier."

"Okay…" Maura said quietly, "I think it's time we took a breather."

She stood and walked over to her desk where she sat down. I could see her scribbling on a piece of paper, I could hear the scratching sound and it went through me. I stood abruptly and walked over to the window where I had a good look out into muggle London. I watched people walking by, a few floors below. I saw a couple holding hands, a woman with her baby, a man in a suit walking with a newspaper under his arm.

"Are you currently experiencing suicidal thoughts?" Maura asked after a while.

I continued looking out of the window, watching someone badly parallel parking in the street below, "No."

"Have you thought about ways in which you could end your life?" she asked slowly and calmly.

I took a little longer to answer this time. I knew a very stupid way to get myself killed, yes. Had I thought about it in that way, with the actual intention of ending my life, no. "No." was my answer.

"But you just thought about it?"

"Yes."

She wrote something before asking, "How would you do it?"

"I'd do something crazy. I'd fight my mother or take on Voldemort. I'd live life like nothing mattered. I'd risk it all." I told her.

She wrote something else, "How is your sleep?"

"I didn't sleep last night, but for the last few weeks it's been relatively good." I answered honestly.

"If you were to leave this office now, where would you go and what would you do?" she asked, turning a page over in the book she was writing in.

I shrugged my shoulders, "I dunno… Maybe go back to the flat and go to bed or something?"

"Do you feel that there is anyone you would like to talk to?"

"Well, I'm talking to you?"

"Other than me."

"No." I said, "Once we're finished here, I'd quite like to be on my own."

Maura was standing beside me and I don't know when she got there. Her eyes were on me as I stared at the young girl getting advice on how to park her car properly, "Do you think that's good for you? Being on your own?"

"I don't know."

"Would you like to have George come here and we can talk about this as a three?" she asked.

"No."

"Do you still want to be with him?"

I looked at her, "Yes, but that's very selfish of me."

"No it isn't, Kathryn." Maura said, "The selfish thing would be for you to walk away from him when you have something good. I firmly believe George is good for you. You would miss him and he would miss you. Think back to the things he said, he loves you, he thinks you're the most beautiful person in the world, he wants to be with you, he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. George knows and understands what you have been through, he was just talking them through, so that he could walk in your shoes, understand why you're not ready. He even got it right… He wishes you could be more confident, he wants you to believe in yourself, to feel good about yourself, to realise that you don't need to be thin, you don't need to have a bigger brain capacity, because let's be honest you are incredibly smart, and you don't need to be anyone else because you are you and he thinks you are perfect. Chances are he's thinking about you right now, wondering how you are."

My eyes were now fixed on a dirty spot on the window, "How come I don't feel perfect?"

"I don't think anyone truly does," Maura began, "but I think this is more about respecting yourself, knowing that your body is your temple. Knowing that everyone in this world is different, and that's a good thing. Some people are tall, short, fat, thin, curvy, red-heads, blonde, brunette, black, white… If everyone was the same the world would be a boring place. And those ladies that you mentioned and compared yourself to, probably look at you and wish they had your beautiful brown eyes, your curls, your curves, your determination, your brilliance, your smarts, your smile, the way that people feel like they can talk to you. That is a gift. You have been given many gifts, you just haven't realised them yet." She paused, "You have so much to live for."

"Yeah." I said quietly, looking down at the windowsill.

Maura moved over to the sofas, "We have some time left, why don't you come and sit over here?"

I sat back down in the bucket chair, my eyes meeting Maura's. I didn't have anything more to say. I felt like shit, I wasn't planning on killing myself, I really just wanted to be on my own. But she kept looking at me. Not in an expectant way, her eyes were kind, warm, welcoming… a shade of light brown, maybe hazel. Her grey paid pant suit was undoubtedly tailored, bearing in mind just how much you have to pay for an hour of her time, she can afford it. She was a naturally beautiful woman and I suddenly felt bad for her, having to listen to people's problems day in, day out.

I stood, "I've already wasted enough of your time being over-emotional… I'll see you at the next appointment." I walked out of the office towards the fireplace and threw some Floo Powder into the flames.

"Take care of yourself, Kathryn." Maura said as I was about to step in.

Then I disappeared.

"Kit-Kat?" Ginny called out some time later, pushing the bedroom door open, "Oh, sorry I woke you…"

I was lying in my comfies on top of the bed, hair on top of my head, messy bun style. I had completely conked out and there was an impressive amount of drool on the bedsheets. I sat up and yawned, "Everything okay?"

"Yeah!" she said in her usual bubbly manner, "Late night last night?" she winked.

I glared at her. I knew exactly what she was insinuating. I laid back down on the bed again.

"Okay, that was mean of me…" she admitted, "Mum wants to know if you'd like to come over for lunch?"

"No, I'm alright."

"Have you already eaten?"

I sighed, "I'm not hungry."

"Don't let mum hear you say that." She joked, "Come on, let's do something."

"Ginny, no offence, but you're really doing my head in." I told her frankly, "Maybe another day."

I heard Ginny tut, "I'm not going back there! Phlegm's doing my head in!"

"Sometimes you are just impossible." I spoke with my eyes closed, hoping she would disappear.

She took her shoes off and got into George's side of the bed, "I've got six brothers, how do you think I've survived this long? I'm not going back there, Kit-Kat. I'm going to read this magazine until you finish your nap."

There was just no arguing with her. I got into bed and fell asleep.

I heard Ginny talking to someone outside the bedroom when I woke. I was gasping for a drink, so went to get one.

"I made myself some food, I hope you don't mind." She told me, "I made you a sandwich, too." She lifted it out of the fridge and handed it to me, "I'll put the kettle on?"

"I could do with a cup of coffee, the extravagant almost-able-to-stand-a-spoon-up-in-it-strong type." I yawned and sat down in the sofa, feeling marginally better than what I had this morning.

"I've got news," she said excitedly as she sat down beside me on the sofa, handing me the almost-able-to-stand-a-spoon-up-in-it-strong-coffee and the sandwich, which I sat on the coffee table, she looked happy, enthusiastic even, "Dean wrote to me again! He said he was going to Brazil for a couple of weeks to meet up with his mother's family. But I think what you'll be most interested in is this…"

She handed me a sealed letter and when I opened it, a bunch newspaper cuttings fell out of it,

Hello Kathryn,

I hope this letter reaches you. Ginny has told me that you are staying with her family this summer. My parents thought you'd like to have the newspaper cuttings I've added to your letter. It's about your parents. I don't know how you'll be feeling about it all, but the article mentions you specifically. I know stuff happened at the end of last year but I don't know what and Ginny has said that it isn't her place to tell, so I hope that everything is alright.
I'll write again if I see anything else in the news.

Dean.

"Blimey," I said, "I wonder what the great British Press have said about me this time?" I scanned my eyes through the newspaper cutting and saw my name mentioned, not once, not twice, but three times in one article.

'The whereabouts of Miss Kathryn Pink is currently unknown.'

'I wonder how their abused daughter is coping with the news?"

'The abused daughter Miss Kathryn Pink, did not turn up to the funeral.'

'Is the unexpected and unexplained murder of both Mr and Mrs Pink a homage to Kathryn by a vigilante? Did someone feel sorry for the abused daughter? Has this been arranged?'

'Was this organised by Miss Pink? Her outburst after her parents rather lenient sentences has been well documented, she has rallied up a number of supporters…'

I let out a huge sigh and Ginny took the pages off me, "I didn't think they would be trying to blame you. Don't take any notice of it." She told me, "They're dead. For that I am glad. You don't need to worry about them anymore, Kit-Kat. I can't believe he sent you this, all it's going to do is worry you."

I took a sip of coffee and said nothing. She let me sit in silence. Muggles were not my concern any longer.

"Aren't you going to eat your sandwich?" Ginny asked when my coffee cup was empty.

"Not now…"

She sat on her knees on the sofa beside me, "Kit-Kat, what's going on? I thought you were tired earlier, but I'm sensing something else… Have you and George had a fight or something?"

"No, we haven't."

"Are you having some form of existential crisis?"

"You sound like Hermione."

She leaned forwards, "Are you?"

I shrugged my shoulders.

"How was last night? Harry was just commenting on how well you looked, and that's coming from Harry, so that's high praise." When I said nothing she continued, "Think he may have a teeny little crush on you, Kit-Kat. What did you spend all that time talking about?"

My eyes met hers, they were already on me, searching. I shrugged my shoulders. After we talked about our impending deaths, we didn't really talk about anything.

"I tell you that I think Harry has a crush on you and you brush it off." She commented.

"That's cause you saying Harry fancies me, is like me saying Ron fancies you."

She looked taken aback, "Ew."

"Exactly."

"He seemed a little restless but when he came back from seeing you, a weight had been lifted off his shoulders."

I got up and poured us a glass of juice each, "Probably cause he reckons I'm all 'fixed' again."

"And are you?"

I sat the glass down in front of her, "Far from it."

She nodded like she understood before changing the subject, "Tonks has been over a lot, chatting to mum mostly. She seems a bit… down or something. Mum is trying to set her and Bill up, having her as a sister would be better than Fleur… You wouldn't happen to know anything about it?"

"I should be seeing her tomorrow. Meeting the decent side of my family. Hopefully." I had said hopefully after a few seconds. I hadn't really spoken to Tonks. I guess things are kind of shit for both of us right now. It's for the fact that it isn't unrequited love. It's worse, it's a man not admitting his feelings. Gosh, I knew George was like that before we got together but I wasn't much better to be fair. Now he tells me he loves me all the time and I'm the one too over-sensitive to take it, or when I feel like I did this morning, believe it.

"What're you thinking about Kat?"

I looked up at her, "George."

"Have you fallen out with him?" she asked cautiously, "Are you two okay?"

"I think so…" I said, "Things just got a bit awkward last night… I'm by no means a tactile person when it comes to being in the presence of others… I mean, George will put his hand on my leg, and it's comforting most of the time, but, for example, when you are out on a date, I do not want George to be -"

"Was George trying to turn up the heat?" she asked all excited, she sat up close beside me and I made a gap form between us, "Stop being such a prude, Kit-Kat and go enjoy yourself. Go wild. Let George's hands get -"

I glared at her, "We are no longer having this conversation."

"Kit-Kat…" Ginny sighed forcefully, "Come on… You know I was only -"

"Hurting my feelings, yeah." I told her, "Got it."

She blinked at me curiously, "You're very touchy today…" and she drew herself up in a way that made her look a little less goofy and a little more trustworthy, "What's going on?"

I scrunched up my nose and shrugged my shoulders, "Pass."

She knew she had crossed the line. She sat there beating herself up. I knew I was being too harsh on her, she was just looking out for me after all. I got up and lifted a cupcake out of the box and handed her one as a peace offering. I even ate half of the sandwich, she'd worry otherwise. I was anxious now to talk to George, to clear the air, to tell him how I'm feeling. He's right, I do blow hot and cold. I don't mean to; it is genuinely what I saw my parents do when I was growing up. Gosh, I'm turning into the woman who raised me.

"You know; Phlegm really is a pain in the ass." Ginny said having polished off the cupcake, "She talks to me as though I'm about three. Ron and Harry are completely taken by her, reckon Bill's a lucky guy, but Hermione and I see right through her. And the way she talked to you; you didn't deserve any of that, then she is forced to apologise. That was definitely a highlight."

"Have you ever considered that she may actually be in love with Bill?" I questioned.

Ginny grimaced, "Don't say things like that!"

"I guess I don't live with her, but if you're ever in need of an hour or so, just send her my direction and I'll keep her entertained."

"You'd do that for me?" Ginny's chin dropped.

"The things I do for my little sis." I rolled my eyes sarcastically, "Chances are, I'll be related to her, too, so I'll suss her out and send her back."

Ginny beamed at me, "Words cannot describe how much I love you."

I snorted.

"What?" she said seriously, "I'm really lucky to have a sister like you. At least in future I know I'll have you around."

I smiled, "You'll always have me around as your over-emotional, sarcastic, big-gub-of-a-big-sister."

There was a scuffle at the door as Fred or George were searching for their wand or keys to open the door. Ginny jumped off the seat and greeted Fred and begged him to show her around the shop. She closed the door and could hear her trying to persuade him some more.

"Ugh…" I heard her sigh as she closed the door behind herself, "He is so mean… all I wanted to do was have a look around and he said 'no'. Then he goes off to do something he forgot." She didn't look a bit amused, "I can stay for dinner, right?"

"You really don't want to go back, huh?" I asked.

Her look told me that was a very stupid question.

"Fine by me." I said, "You'll have to help me make something, though."

She stood and rubbed her hands together and started looking in the kitchen for ingredients. That was when Fred came back into the flat and asked if he could talk to me in his room. I felt a little taken aback, he had never done anything like that before. It must be something Ginny couldn't hear.

"I just wanted to say sorry for last night…" he began, "it really wasn't fair on you and Ange…. well, I know she made you feel uncomfortable. It was supposed to be about you and it turned into a – a –"

"Song and dance all about Angelina Johnson?" I filled in the words, "Yeah."

Fred stood there, I could see the remorse in his face without him verbalising it. He was tired, he had a late night last night. "I like her," he told me, "She just can be a bit… full on at times. I had a talk with her this morning, she wants to make it up to you."

My eyes met his and he pleaded with me, knowing that I didn't think it was a good idea, "Just because you want me to, I'll do it. Tell her, I swear if she wears skin tight clothes and shows off I'll walk." Fred's eyes widened, "Don't." I said quickly, "Let me know when suits."

"You're the best." He hugged me.

"Just remember that." I told him.

I heard George talking to Ginny and excused myself from Fred's room, he was going to have a shower before dinner anyway. I took a deep breath and my eyes locked onto his, "Hi." I said.

He beckoned me over and I immediately put my arms around him, his embrace made me feel warm and happier than I had felt all day, "Can you give us a sec, Gin? If you start preparing the chicken, I'll be right back."

She smiled and nodded.

"You weren't asleep last night, were you?" George asked me as soon as I closed the bedroom door. I sat down on the bed and he got onto his knees on the floor and sat in front of me, holding my hands.

I shook my head, "It was hard to hear." I told him, "Something Ginny said to me this afternoon reminded me of something your Dad told me last Christmas. He told me that I was likely to get some news that was hard to take. He knew I was going to find out about my real family and he told me that I needed to trust you and talk to you when I feel like I do right now." I paused and squeezed his hands, "He said that it would be really important, especially when we get married to have this line of communication, even when I don't want to talk to you." I swallowed, "And I promise it's nothing on you, but it's all in my head. I felt like shit last night. And when I get a blow like Angelina walking in bloody gorgeous as she is, it sent me spiralling, I guess."

George nodded.

"You're right, it is a confidence thing. It has always been a confidence thing." I told him straight, "And I'd very much like to take the next step with you, but I can't look at myself in the mirror never mind have you look at me like that."

George kissed my hand and his eyes locked onto mine, "I don't want you feeling like this…"

"But I want to be what you want. I want for you to look at me and not have scars or -"

"I've already told you I think you are perfect exactly as you are."

I whispered, "But you haven't seen me naked."

He raised a cheeky eyebrow, "Well…"

"Oi." I gave his shoulder a shove.

"I've seen enough," he smirked, "Look, I know you're dealing with a lot right now and you don't need to be worrying about things like that. It was only a suggestion, me putting out a feeler to see how you were feeling. I don't want you getting worked up about it. I have insecurities, too. I'm not muscular like other guys, I'm by no means a good looking guy, I'm not able to have incredibly intelligent conversations with you and I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing half the time. I just look at you and hope that I'm enough, that I'm what you need and that I can help you."

I was in shock. I had to shut my mouth before I started catching flies. I couldn't believe my ears, "You – but you're – I – how?" I stopped myself, cleared my throat and prepared myself to make understandable sentences, "I don't want a guy with huge muscles. I want a guy like you, and I happen to find you very attractive." I could see him smile, "I don't know what you mean by 'intelligent conversations' because half the time you're talking business and you completely lose me and that's fine. We have our own areas of strength and weakness. And you are the one person who gets me, I know that I can have a conversation like this with you and you will try your best to understand how I'm feeling. Last night just proved how hard you try to get me. I'm the one who feels bad for not being what you need."

"Forget about that." He said, "You are everything I need and more. Time will show that all this worry and over-analysing will be silly." He smiled, "I do have a teensy request for you to try, though…"

"Shoot."

"Let me hold your hand in public." he said, "You need to work on PDAs, you left me hanging last night."

I screwed up my face, and made myself look all awkward, like a stiff robot, "But it's Just. So. Difficult."

"Try," he spoke softly, "for me."

"Okay," I said, directing him towards the door into the kitchen. Ginny looked up at us and saw that I was smiling, so smiled back. I looked up at George and shook my head before putting an arm around his waist, reaching up and kissing his cheek.

"Ooooh, boy must have done good."

I let out a huge groan, shook my head and George just smiled. I rolled up my sleeves, turning on the radio. It looked like Ginny was preparing to make chicken pasta bake. "George." I scolded, "You are not eating a cupcake before your dinner."

Ginny giggled, "You sound like mum."

"Good." I said, "Perhaps then you'll do what you're told."