31st July

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HARRY!" I wrapped my arms around him, and squeezed him tight, rocking him from side to side just as I imagined an embarrassing mother or Auntie would do. I had arrived at The Burrow just before lunchtime. I had on a navy blue knee-length dress with buttons all down the front and the black leather combat boots Tonks bought me. I was pushing the boat out, trying to be more comfortable in my own skin.

"You really do have a style of your own, Kathryn." Hermione commented as she descended the last few stairs.

I smirked, "It's a party, thought it'd be more formal to not wear the converse."

Molly felt the material of the butterfly sleeves, "Your dress is so feminine and refreshing, and your choice of footwear is rather…"

"Tonks bought me them."

"Of course she did." Ginny snorted, "It's good to see you, Kit-Kat."

Harry cleared his throat, "This is supposed to be a day all about me." he joked, "Are you going to give me my present?" he winked, "Or are you going to stand there all day as women talk about the fact you're dressing like a girl?"

"Oh Harry, you noticed." I said sarcastically.

"I happened to have noticed long ago." he reached out, "My present?"

I took it out of his grasp, "Oh, this? You probably won't like it. Fred and George helped me choose everything from -" I could see the excitement growing, his patience wavering, "But I suppose you'd better open it and see."

He ripped through the brown paper and opened the box and his chin dropped in shock, his eyes met mine and then he looked down at the box, his hands plunging into the packaging, "Extendable ears, a decoy detonator, a pair of shield gloves and dung bombs!"

"Fred insisted on the dung bombs." I smirked, "I hope you find use for the stuff, I thought carefully about it."

"Thank you," He said sincerely.

"I hope I get as amazing a present for my birthday!" Ron exclaimed, jealousy showing in his cheeks.

I nodded, "Nothing less than amazing will do."

"– And I hope we get a chance to go to the shop, mum's still in a mood. You'll have to work your magic with her."

I turned my head to the side and grinned, "I'm still the angel child, am I?"

"Yes." Ron, Ginny and Hermione agreed.

"We haven't missed dinner, have we?" Fred and George arrived at the Burrow a little after 6pm, carrying a clatter of boxes, "Happy Birthday, mate." Fred set down a box onto the kitchen counter and George was directed by his mother to put the rest in their old room.

Harry turned to me, "Please tell me that box contains cake that you baked."

"What would give you that impression?" I asked.

"Kathryn dear, does this box need to be kept in a cool area?"

Ron sniggered, "I can't imagine there have been any clues…"

"Ah, Remus dear, come on in!" Molly welcomed the next guest of the evening, "Was Tonks not to join you?" she enquired.

Lupin shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other, "She isn't able to make it."

"Shame." Molly said, eyeing him up as if she also knew what the situation was between them, "Girls, would you mind setting the table? Dinner should be ready for half past."

"Actually, Molly, could you excuse me for a few minutes, there's something I've forgotten to do back home -"

She sized me up, "Everything alright?"

"Yeah!" I nodded convincingly as I donned a travelling cloak and George took hold of my arm, concern etched across his face, but I shook my head, "I'll be right back. Keep a seat for me."

I stepped into the flat and went straight out the door with a quill and parchment in hand. I quickly scooted down a flight of stairs and found myself into the store room where I jotted down the words:

'Hey Tonks!

How come you're not at Harry's party? Remus is looking awkward, you know I'm going to pry, but at least I'm writing to you before I do it. I also think we're overdue a get-together, let me know what suits you, I'm happy to cook if you want to come here? There's a few things I'd like to chat to you about, in person. P.s. I'll bake you a cake if you give me enough warning before arriving.

Love you,
Kathryn x'

I knew it was a bit forward, but I didn't really care. I borrowed one of Fred and George's owls and sent the message. I felt on edge and I didn't like it. I baked all day yesterday to distract myself and today I spent it at the Burrow, I went a lot earlier than expected, but I really couldn't bear to be in my own space any longer. The door opened behind me and I felt my heart in my throat.

"Oh, Kathryn! I didn't realise you were in here!" Verity announced herself, just as surprised to see me as I was to see her, "I was about to lock up."

"I was just borrowing an owl." I said.

She walked towards me, "Are you alright? You're shaking!"

I looked down at my hands and nodded, I hadn't realised, "Yeah, my anxiety is playing up. I'm – em – going to get back to the boys."

She put a comforting arm on my shoulder, "Look after yourself."

I nodded quickly and headed back up the stairs to the flat.

"Kathryn?" Verity called out, "I love your outfit, by the way, very chic. And those boots." She made a face like you'd make at a newborn baby, "See you soon."

"Bye!"

George gave me pleading eyes as I returned to the Burrow. Molly had sat herself in between Fred and George, in an obvious attempt to not have me hide behind the comfort and safety of the twins. The seat that was left over was between Fleur and Remus. Or, perhaps, it was because the seat beside Fleur was free. Scrap that first idea. It was definitely because no one else wanted to sit beside the French girl.

I sat down and pulled the chair in closer to the table, lifting the napkin and pressing it flat onto my lap in attempt to calm my anxious hands. Everyone was serving themselves across the table from a selection of Harry's favourite foods. Steak and kidney pie, potatoes, roasties, mixed vegetables, shepherd's pie and Yorkshire puddings.

"Would you like some of ze Shephard's pie, Kasrine?" Fleur asked, dish in hand.

"Sure." I nodded and she served me a portion.

I stared at the plate of food for a while, in a world of my own trying to calm myself, until I got a gentle nudge on my arm, "Would you like some pumpkin juice?"

"Oh, sorry, yes, that'd be lovely." I lifted my glass with a steady hand as Lupin filled it with a jug of juice, "Thank you."

He leaned close to me momentarily, "Everything okay?"

I caught eyes with him and was taken aback, "You -" I reached out and placed a hand on his gaunt cheek, his stubble now salt-and-pepper in colour, his hair, streaked liberally with grey showed just how much love, care and attention he desperately needed. I saw the pain and suffering in his green eyes, the longing for a better life. It broke my heart to see him this way as I stroked his face lovingly, perhaps too lovingly for a girl already in a relationship with another man, but George knew. He understood. "- should be asking her that, you should be with her." I finished, withdrawing my hand, proceeding to eat my dinner.

"You know I can't."

I felt my chin wobble, and I had to refrain from letting my emotions take over, "And you know as well as I do, that life is too short to say stupid shit like that, Remus."

At my remark, Lupin appeared to shut up shop with regards to me and I got full-scale silent treatment. He turned his body away from me and started engaging in conversation with Harry and Ron on his other side. I could feel George trying to get my attention from the opposite side of the table, but instead I talked to Fleur, "How is Gabrielle? Have you been writing home?"

A wide smile appeared across her face, "She eez doing very well, I 'ave told her about you and 'ow we are going to be sisters."

"That's a lot to live up to."

"And we are trying to start ze planning for ze wedding." She told me that French tradition doesn't include bridesmaids and groomsmen, but she and Bill are keen to intertwine traditions. Fleur also talked me through the little details she had in mind from champagne pyramids to the little gifts guests get. She talked the ear off me, but I suppose she never really has the opportunity with Molly, Ginny or Hermione. I didn't get much of a word in, but I didn't mind.

When everyone had finished eating, including Harry having devoured his third helping of dinner, Molly gave me the nod. I escaped up the stairs and grabbed the boxes George had stashed up here, with Harry's favourite dessert, treacle tart. I lit an everlasting candle (at the request of Fred) and started singing as I walked down the stairs into the kitchen. Everyone joined in:

Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday dear Harry,
Happy birthday to you!

"Go on, blow out the candle, mate." Fred said after Harry gave a good puff.

Harry tried, once again, unsuccessfully.

"Come on, Harry, it's not that difficult."

Harry was now red in the face with his increased level of exertion. It was at the point where he almost had a bead of sweat on his forehead where I started laughing. Harry stopped and went rigid.

"You – You've done something to this candle."

"Come on you two, let the boy out of his misery."

Fred acted innocent, "You were the one who lit it."

I lifted the candle out from the tart and handed harry the dessert for slicing, "Fred Weasley, if you do not extinguish this candle, I will stick it up -"

"Okay, okay, I'll do it!" He acted alarmed by my sudden change of tone and implied violence, took out his wand and tapped the tip of the candle and it extinguished immediately, "Have I ever told you how terrifying you are when you're threatening someone?"

"I get it from my mother." I said without thinking about what it really meant. I stood still in the silence that ensued, feeling ashamed.

"This is delicious, Kathryn! Thanks!" Harry was sitting at the table, not appearing faltered by my statement. He had taken a fork and dug into the family-sized treacle tart by himself and was making good progress.

George put a hand on the small of my back and moved around me, "Glad you made two, so that some of us might have share!"

"Leave him alone, George, let the boy be happy."

He turned to give me his best attempt at puppy dog eyes, "Do you not want me, the main and most important person in your life, to be happy?"

I looked him up and down, "You think awful high of yourself." I tried to hide a smirk as I said, "I'll have you know that the most important person in my life is in fact -"

"Me, obviously." Fred, who was standing closest to me, put an arm around my waist and pulled me in close to him.

"Of course, Freddie." I gave him some serious side-eye, "You just keep believing that." I tapped him on the shoulder, shimmying myself out of his grip.

Ginny piped up, "Please note, Kat, he said 'person' and not 'man', so I'm going with me as a solid candidate or the other woman in Kat's life, Tonks."

"Oh, you got me."

"It's me?"

"Nah," my hand gestured passing off the idea as void, "you know my main woman is Tonks. Light of my life, the person who torments me into happiness, treats me like the Princess I am and worships the ground I walk upon, wee bit older, but everyone knows I like an older -"

Ginny cleared her throat to interrupt my overly presumptuously sarcastic monologue, "Sounds like you're talking about George, I'm not going to lie."

I caught eyes with George and winked. "I'm eating the second pie all to myself in blatant retaliation."

"You do that, honey."

"What about me?" Ron looked disgruntled, preparing himself to start in Harry's pie.

I smiled, "I'm sure I can sort something out for you."

"Haven't you been busy, Katy?" George commented, carrying the boxes downstairs, "I thought you'd made another one, not individual – what are these called? Mini pies?"

"Tartlets."

Molly, who had been busying herself in conversation with Arthur, Remus, Bill and reluctantly, Fleur took one of the boxes from George and exclaimed, "This must have taken you – hours!"

I stayed silent. I only did it to keep my anxiety at bay. I wasn't really coping at being alone, so after baking the big tart Harry was eating it was barely lunchtime, so I kept going… The fifteen tartlets had taken me all morning and afternoon, but I wasn't going to tell them that.

"Everything alright, Kathryn?"

I looked up from the space I was staring into, "Yes! Come on, let's focus on Harry and forget how long it takes to bake a few tarts."

"I'm sorry, Lupin, what exactly did you just say?" Hermione interrupted the 'adult' conversation going on where Molly was now occupying my seat.

"There have been another couple of Dementor attacks, and they've found Igor Karkaroff's body in a shack up north. The Dark Mark had been set over it – well, frankly, I'm surprised he stayed alive for even a year after deserting the Death Eaters; Sirius's brother Regulus only managed a few days as far as I can remember."

I felt my knees give way from underneath me and a strong arm wrapped around my waist and I found myself sitting on George's knee. He wrapped his arms around me tight, setting down his fork, I could feel his warmth through the dress. I was already feeling anxious, now I felt like I was going to be marked for death in just over a month. I wanted to live. I wanted to finish school, I wanted to get married, I wanted to have children, I wanted to spend the rest of my days sharing a bed, my life with the man I love, watching as my friends grow old with me, experiencing new things, exploring the world at our fingertips. Yet the longer I spend on this earth, the likelihood of this happening felt further and further from reach. I shivered.

I felt George rubbing his hands up and down my arms, generating heat, bringing comfort. He was ensuring my mind didn't drift to a bad place. A fork was then place into my hands and I took that as encouragement to eat some of his pie. I didn't feel like eating much anyway. I set down the fork and took George's free hand, tracing his fingers with mine, stroking his soft skin, drawing circles on his palm, listening to the endless lists of missing persons until there was a tap on the window.

It was the Hogwarts Owl, delivering the booklists for the following academic year. Harry opened his letter first and a badge fell out. "I've been made Quidditch Captain!" he smiled brightly, the happiest I've seen him all day.

"That gives you equal status with prefects!" Hermione cried happily, "You can use our special bathroom now, and everything!"

A surge of resentment rolled over in my body like a wave, as I looked at my three best friends and my letter that welcomed no extra authorities or duties. I had only gotten 7O's and two OO's, that really must count for nothing…

"Wow, I remember when Charlie wore one of these," Ron examined the badge with glee, "Harry this is so cool, you're my captain – if you let me back on the team, I suppose, ha ha…"

"What subjects are you thinking of taking?" George whispered in my ear, "We can grab the books together when I'm next off." He took the letter out of my hand and read it, "You can take as many subjects as you like, by the sounds of this – what about Muggle Studies? You were always great at it. And then you've got the core -"

"I don't want to talk about it right now." I whispered. Molly was suggesting a trip to Diagon Alley with Harry, Ron, Ginny and Hermione on Saturday if Arthur was off work. Then an argument brewed about Molly's fears about what could be lurking in the street. Even I knew it wasn't safe to walk along there on my own since that night Fortescue was murdered and Ollivander was taken. They didn't seem to take it seriously when Molly said just how dangerous it can become.

George took another mouthful of treacle tart. I felt myself getting restless; discontent brewing, I started bobbing my foot up and down, repeatedly tapping on my leg in rhythm to the increasing rate of my heart.

"I've got to get out of here." I breathed to George, feeling shortness of breath onset, I was about to have a panic attack. I hopped off his knee announcing, "I'll see you all on Saturday." And made a run for the fireplace, and from the fireplace to the bathroom where I locked the door and threw my dress and boots onto the floor as sweat was now dripping off me. I sat on the bathmat and waited for my sense of impending doom to pass.

I heard George knocking at the door, pleading for me to let him in, to help, but I didn't have the strength to move. I was gasping for breath, back in the swimming pool with my father as he pushed my head underwater and held me there. I felt like I was going to die and there was nothing I could do as I used every weapon in my artillery to fight back.

It could have been minutes, hours or days before I rose to my feet again, but I managed it. George was leaning against the bathroom door and jolted whenever he saw me. It was pitch black outside and he had clearly been half asleep. He jumped to his feet and wrapped his arms around me.

"I love you, you know that?" he said, kissing me tenderly.

I was exhausted, barely capable of keeping myself upright, but I managed to say, "You know I love you, too. Can you help me get into bed?" I asked.

As soon as he had manoeuvred me into bed and got in beside me, I couldn't help the rush of emotion that came upon me. I felt awful. I felt stupid, useless, heavy. A burden. Tomorrow must be a better day.

3rd August

I had to wait a few days until my appointment with Maura. In that meeting she re-diagnosed me with panic disorder, because they were now what the 'National Institute of Mental Health' defines as sudden and repeated attacks of fear that last for several minutes or longer. I loved it when Maura went nerdy with definitions and explanations – she was in her element!I knew I needed help, the current schedule of meetings with Maura alone weren't enough. I was living a life of fear, living the 'fear cycle' being fearful of fear. A person can only cope with so much, but when you notice your heart racing when a door closes and you can't be alone in a quiet place, it's bad.

So today we discussed starting on some medication. Maura told me that it is nothing to be ashamed of, but I didn't want any, not yet. Instead, she was going to set me up with bi-weekly sessions of CBT which is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, which is a more formal process of making sense of my emotions and learning to deal with them. It was what worked last time. That, and meditative relaxation. But a lot has happened from then, my life has changed drastically. I didn't think I needed help, but now I do. I wanted not just to be myself again, but my best self.

4th August

Maura challenged me to do a number of things this week to tackle my anxiety head on. So today I asked Fred and George if I could work with them, if it meant stacking shelves, tidying, directing customers to the products they were searching for, I needed to be doing something. I wanted to be close to George.

"And when mum comes with everyone, do you want to go shopping with them?" George suggested.

"I thought we were going to go together on Monday afternoon?"

George nodded, "Of course, if that's what you'd prefer?"

I took a hold of his hand and squeezed tight, feeling completely pathetic that I was shaking. He lifted my chin and stared into my eyes, he was debating what to do, "Are you sure you want to do this?"

I closed my eyes and said, "I need to."

"I'm worried about you."

"I'm worried for me, too." I said as we descended the stairs into the shop, "Look, I'll make that display a little more… appealing and I'll tidy away your order, bring out new Pigmy Puffs and help send the Shield Hats order when they arrive, yeah?" I had been reading the shop's paperwork, so I was up to date on what was happening, "If it gets too much, I'll just stop, okay?"

He nodded and I got started. Customers piled into the shop shortly after opening and the day of trading had well and truly begun. I finished displays, using my creativity to help things sell better, I tidied, I directed and I advised. Seeing me in magenta robes, I had a number of individuals approach me and ask for items, so I ended up on 'ordering duty' where customers could place orders of items they desired but were out of stock and they would be delivered via owl when next available. I was actually pretty good at it, interacting on a one-to-one basis, selling extra products as I talked about them. I had someone spend over 100 Galleons, when he only intended to buy 15 Galleons worth of products to begin with. I saw the customer have a chat with Fred when he was leaving, and Fred pulled me a you just got a compliment face.

At lunch, Verity, who was helping me with the exchanging of money (as I didn't have access to the cash register) said I was a great saleswoman, and you know, that made me soar with happiness. Maura was right, I just needed to integrate myself into a busy environment and I would thrive. Her words, not mine.

The twins were busy, so they said it was alright if I brought Verity up to the flat to have lunch with me. She seemed nice, not judgemental and I need that in my life right now. In the half hour we spent together I learned that she is 22, a Hufflepuff, knows Tonks and has a 3-year-old son called Jackson. I liked her. There's no mess or fuss when it comes to Verity, with her what you see is exactly what you get. It was a relief to have someone want to talk to me, and not treat me like the boss' girlfriend. Most of the other staff members tip-toe around me, at first it was funny, but now it's getting boring.

There was a knock at the apartment door and my brain was in turmoil until I heard George's voice, "Katy, it's me, I forgot my keys…"

I took a deep breath, clenching my fists to stop myself from shaking before opening the door, "I've asked you not to do that."

"Sorry…" he took a hold of my hands and soothed me.

"I made you some lunch, it's in the fridge."

"Thanks -" he said, but put a hand on my shoulder to stop me from trying to get past him, "The reason I came up was to let you know that they're here."

I looked up at him and grimaced, "Yay."

"Oh, come on, you've got to have a little more enthusiasm than that!" he joked, "That's our family you're scowling over."

I showed him my teeth, "Happy now?"

He chuckled, "Immensely." He tucked a bit of my hair behind my ear and offered his arm for me to link onto, "Shall we?"

I sighed jokingly, shaking my head, closing the door. "First of all, you need to put some nutrition in that stomach of yours, I don't want you disappearing on me." I poked him in the stomach.

George gave me a look, telling me not to preach at him what he tells me.

"And I need to tidy up after my lunch, AND we have a guest, dear, so it would be awfully rude for me to lock poor Verity up here, borderline dodgy, certainly not advised."

"Definitely not advised." she agreed.

"See?" I smirked.

George grabbed the plate and poured out a glass of juice, "Remember the family rules?"

"Harry gets what he wants for free, Hermione, Ginny and your mum get everything at normal price and Ron pays double." I rhymed off, "And I have to make sure Ron doesn't pocket anything."

"Exactly." George took a bite out of the sandwich I made him and his eyes met mine, hungry eyes and I'm not talking about food, here. He was undressing me with his eyes. There is no doubt that in that moment I blushed. Then I coughed to cover it up and said, "If you're ready -?"

"Yes, of course, I'm due back downstairs now anyway," Verity looked between George and me, "Thank you for inviting me to spend lunch with you."

"No problem, it was my pleasure getting to know you." I said, opening the door, "Don't forget your key, George." I called as we left.

When the door closed Verity turned to me, "You two have such a connection, I mean -"

"What?"

"I don't want to be inappropriate about -"

"Spit it out." I encouraged.

She smirked, "George talked a lot about you before the summer, a lot, a lot, I was expecting a girl who was going to walk around here with her nose in the air, work-shy, a bit 'entitled' you know the type?"

"I have a type in mind, yes." I thought of Lucius Malfoy.

"But you're not." She smiled, "You're just so down to earth, and the way he looks at you – I mean, if Rupe looked at me like that -" she bit her lower lip.

I smirked, "We've been through a thing or two together, he knows me better than anyone, dear help him!"

"Is that – Harry Potter?"

"Yes, but you can't go parading around telling everyone!" I stated very seriously, "I'll introduce you, if you like?"

Verity looked at me as though I was introducing her to the Weird Sisters.

"Kit Kat!" Ginny wrapped her arms around me, from literally nowhere, "Loving the red robes!"

"Didn't know you worked here." Ron commented.

I looked at Verity, "I don't, not officially anyway. Just keeping myself out of trouble upstairs. Guys, this is my friend Verity… Verity this is Ginny, Ron, Hermione and Harry."

When shaking Harry's hand enthusiastically she whispered something into his ear and he nodded. Then Verity said, "I'll see you around." Before walking to the cash register to serve the next customer.

"Wasn't George with you?" Fred placed a hand on my shoulder.

I nodded, "He's eating, I made sandwiches, there's some upstairs when you get a minute."

"You know," Hermione said to Harry, looking at the patented dream potion, "that really is extraordinary magic!"

"For that, Hermione," Fred said, "You can have one for free."

Hermione properly looked in mine and Fred's direction for the first time, "What's happened to your eye?" Fred asked her as he shook Harry's hand, following asking him how he's doing.

"Your punching telescope." She said ruefully.

"Oh, blimey, I forgot about those," Fred went into his pocket and pulled out of tub and handed it to her, "Here – just dab it on, that bruise'll be gone within the hour."

I looked up at him and raised an eyebrow, "That explains a lot."

"It is safe, isn't it?"

"Course it is," Fred said bracingly, "Come on, Harry, I'll give you a tour." And directed everyone towards the back of the shop, pointing out the Muggle Magic Tricks section where we saw George, who shook Harry's hand enthusiastically.

Hermione and Ron, who were standing back from Harry and Fred's deep conversation told me, "We saw your Aunt and cousin today."

"Which ones?"

"Draco and Mummy -"

"Giving him the tour? Come through the back, Harry, that's where we're making the real money – pocket anything, you, and you'll pay in more than Galleons!" George warned a boy who hastily whipped his hand out of the Edible Dark Marks tub before opening the curtain to the room with all the protective gear.

Someone approached me as I was about to ask about Draco and Narcissa. Were they in Diagon Alley? But the lady asked, "Excuse me, would you be able to get me these in a size 6?"

George was about to do it, but I interrupted his thought process, I thought I owed him the opportunity to show off his Empire to Harry, "Of course, just give me a minute to find them?" And I stalked off from the group, with the young mother in two, to the storeroom where I saw Johnny, "Hey, you wouldn't mind getting me a pair of sticky trainers in a 6?"

"No problem, M'boss's lady," he joked and swished his wand and they flew in my direction.

I helped the lady buy a few more items, apparently it was her son's birthday and she wanted to get him something special and I was closer to his age, so I was obviously going to be better at choosing. She was terrible at decision making. She had twenty Galleons in her purse and deliberated for ages between products. I ended up making the decision for her after listening to her. I was an absolute delight, even though she was all-consuming of my attention and very needy. She literally gushed about her son as I was directing her to the checkouts to pay for everything. He was nine, and by the sounds of it, loved. It was a relief to escape, for more reasons than one.

I turned on the spot and couldn't see any of the group, Fred and George included. I then felt a delicate tap on the shoulder, "Kathryn?"

"Yes?" Upon turning around, I was met by a flash of long, strikingly blonde hair. I was completely taken aback; Narcissa Malfoy was the last person I was expecting to see inside Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, "What're you doing here?"

"I needed to talk to you… I need to know you're okay. You weren't replying to my letters…"

I met her eyes, "What letters?"

"I've written at least three letters to you, Draco has written and so has your mother." Narcissa filled me in.

Confusion filled my brain, "I got a letter from Bella in response to the letter I sent. I -" I wasn't going to tell her that I didn't reply, "I didn't receive anything else…"

"I sent them to the Burrow. I assumed that's where you'd be. Then I thought I might see a red-headed buffoon around here who might know where you are -"

"Don't!" I was now on the defensive, "What do you want, Narcissa?"

"You've lost more weight," She looked me up and down, and then around the shop, "Are you working here? If you need money, just ask."

I tried to slow down my breathing, "What do you want?"

"Is there somewhere we can go?"

"No." I said, rather sharply, "As you can see, Diagon Alley isn't its usual vibrant self, now it's covered in wanted posters and crooks selling crap at every turn. Here is as good as you're going to get."

Narcissa directed me into a corner where we could talk and not be blocking stands or displays, "I've tried to warn you, it's not safe out there for you."

"I worked that one out for myself, thanks." I said rather cheekily.

"I don't think you understand how serious this is." Narcissa dropped the tone of her voice, "Bella has told him about you."

My eyes locked onto Narcissa's, "Why?"

"You're supposed to be joining up ranks in September, remember?"

"If that's true, I'm as good as dead." I felt myself shiver in the warmth of the shop.

Narcissa put a hand on my upper arm and turned the two of us away from a customer trying to pass by, "Listen to me," her eyes searched mine, "I'm going to do everything I can to stop that from happening." She thrusted something into my hand, "You're going to have to put that brilliant mind of yours to work and figure out how to protect yourself – lie."

"You mean join up?"

"You'll be at Hogwarts all year, you'll be protected, next summer you can do undercover work."

"Undercover work? You're just trying to get me to do your dirty work! No! No way!" I said a little louder than Narcissa was content with, "I'm not betraying my friends, not happening." I tried to push her aside.

Narcissa held me by the shoulders tightly, "Please, Kathryn!"

I struggled against her, "You're hurting me."

"I need you to listen to me." she pleaded, fear in her eyes, the same fear when she found out the Death Eaters were coming to Malfoy Manor when I was staying, "You need to write to her, please, Kathryn, I'm not asking you to stop fighting against him, if anything I want you to put everything you have into killing him, for what he's done to our family. I want you to protect yourself! I want for us, at the end of this, to be alive and together as a family! I need you to do what you need to do to survive."

"And what has you so concerned about prolonging my life?"

Narcissa made to walk away. I took her hand and tried to pull her back, but she shrugged me off.

"Cissa?" I called after her.

"I owe it to you, after all I've done." And she disappeared into the streets of Diagon Alley. I was left staring at the ring she shoved into my hand. It was a band ring, with a gothic design decorated with interlocking snakes, skulls and ravens. I had no desire to wear it whatsoever. I slipped it into my pocket and tried to forget about it.

"There you are!" George exclaimed as he entered the flat, then he stopped on the spot and dropped whatever he was carrying onto the table, "Oh Merlin. You're wearing my jumper again."

"I need to tell you something." I crossed my legs and faced him, leaning forwards.

He sat down beside me on the sofa, "I'm all ears."

"Narcissa came into the shop this afternoon…"

"Go on…"

I told him everything. I couldn't let it go. I had spent time alone, which meant I had a lot of time to (over) think about things. I didn't know what to believe, who to believe or why I should even trust her. "George, what if your mother kept those letters from me?"

"She wouldn't!" he seemed awfully convinced.

"Are you certain about that?" I grabbed his hand, "I mean, are you absolutely sure?" I didn't want to believe it, but I had to make sure Narcissa wasn't lying, and the only person in that household that would purposely hide my mail would be Molly.

"Let's go ask her, then." He got up off the sofa, pulling me up with him, "Together."

The two of us arrived at the Burrow. Molly, Arthur, Bill and Fleur were all sitting at the kitchen table. George gracefully walked across the room and sat on the table in front of his mother. "Mum?" he asked.

I meanwhile had never felt quite so awkward in my life.

"Everything alright, dear?" she asked her son, head tilted to the side, interest brewing for the impeding conversation. She shot a glance in my direction, as I twiddled my fingers around a loose thread in George's jumper.

"Have you, or have you not, been harbouring Katy's mail?" he went there, he just asked, straight out, no niceties, no allowing her to hand over the mail before accusation.

I took a step forwards and held onto the top of the end chair as Molly flushed.

"I knew it." I breathed.

"Where are they?" he demanded, "Where are all her letters, mum?"

Molly summoned a pile of letters from somewhere outside of the kitchen. The pile was thick and saturated with information unread by my eyes. She looked utterly ashamed as her husband's chin dropped. She looked like a child who had been caught out.

"I – I can't believe it!" George was outraged. "This is Katy's mail; it belongs to her! You had no right! None at all!" he had the mail in his hands and was flopping it about in the air. His expression was overdramatic and his voice was taut. Discomfort spread through my body like wildfire.

"How did you find out about this?" Molly asked calmly.

"Don't you think she's been through enough?" he yelled, "She's already seeing a therapist twice a week, mum!" he was so agitated, "And you know as well as I do, a couple of weeks ago she was having suicidal thoughts! So you tell me when you thought that this was a good idea?" anger was tensing through his body, "In what world is keeping information from her a good idea? Haven't you learnt anything?"

I swallowed hard. My teeth chattered together in my mouth as I stood there. The kitchen door opened and Harry, Ron, Ginny and Hermione showed their faces. "Is everything okay?" Ginny asked, looking between her mother, brother and me.

This was the first time I had seen George's face. He was red with anger. I caught a glance of myself in the mirror, and I was white as a sheet. I was experiencing a new form of betrayal. George's expression softened, the longer he stared at me. I reached out and he handed me the letters. I retreated, alone, into the lounge where I sat on the floor and unravelled the string, holding the letters together.

The first letter was from Narcissa, checking up on me. She wanted to know how I was, if I had managed to make things up with the Weasleys. The second letter was also from Narcissa, asking me to give her a response to if I'm alright. She sounded worried and asked if I could arrange a time and a place to meet. The third letter from Narcissa, I found further down the pile, tells me that Bella was planning on telling Voldemort about me and that I should write to her to stop it from happening.

And now it has happened. Thanks Molly. 'Preciate it.

I took a deep breath and carried on. There was indeed a letter from Draco, I recognised his handwriting immediately. But it was far too chatty to have been a letter of Draco's own construction, he was never this forthcoming with personal information. But I suppose things have changed between us. He told me his grades which were mostly O's and a couple of E's. He told me his plans to take Potions, Transfiguration, Herbology, Charms, Runes and/ or Arithmancy. He had been up north on a group trip and had a lot of similar duties working as head of the family. He wanted to know about me and my plans.

The next letter was from Mr Snow, asking for me to confirm that I can attend the final resolution of my Grandmother's will. The date given was yesterday. The date marked on the letter was a week ago. Again, thanks a bunch, Mol.

There was even a letter from Tonks telling me that she had the flu, but when she felt better that she would be happy to meet up. She also said I could write to her if it was something I urgently needed to talk about. And I thought she was ignoring me.

I knew who the last letter was from and I wasn't sure if I wanted to read it. I already wanted to bang my head against the wall or the table. Or anywhere solid. I'm not that fussy.

My beautiful Katy,

I haven't received a reply from you, so I hope this letter reaches you in good faith. I understand that you are travelling, so perhaps the message has gotten lost somewhere along the way.

I wanted to write to let you know of my plans to introduce you to the Dark Lord. It would be prudent to pledge before the end of the summer, as when you return to school it would be more difficult. With your connections at Hogwarts, I believe you will be of great use and worth to our cause. The Dark Lord will reward us heavily. Anything you need, just ask and you will receive.

If you should wish to schedule a meeting with myself to discuss these commitments further, I can arrange a time with you.

I avidly await your response,
Your loving Mother,
Bellatrix Lestrange

I ran my fingers through my hair and let out a deep breath. I tried to think about what Maura would get me to do. Present my thoughts and feelings in a calm and controlled manner. Consider Molly's point of view. Determine my next move.

The next move I wanted to do was cry. I wanted to scream and shout and let out all the anger that is inside me. I wanted to eat an entire tub of ice cream. But I wasn't allowed to do that, because, so far this summer, that has gotten me exactly nowhere. Instead, I have got to get up and accept my impending death, and perhaps reply to letters and write a will. Gosh, how sad, yet logical? So I got up, lifted my letters and entered the kitchen.

"Kathryn dear, I can't apologise enough…" Molly had a hint of desperation in her eyes.

"Don't waste your breath, I have to sort a few things. George?" I pointed to the fireplace and left without another word.

On arriving back to the flat, I set down the letters on the table, "Read them, in that order." I told him, "I have to try and sort out this mess."

Fred carefully indicated that he would also like to help, not that he quite knew how to, but George filled him in as I went into the bedroom to get some writing utensils. I quickly scribbled an apologetic letter to Mr Snow, stating that there was an issue with the receiving of my mail and asked for the next available appointment.

I then started to pen a letter to Bellatrix. And by pen, I meant quill. I don't know how well she'd take to a pen-written letter. I just decided to write from the heart, add a little bending of the truth, a sprinkle of some solid (yet believable) lies and a hint of truth, because otherwise I really didn't have much else to go on…

Hi,

I don't know if I should refer to you as 'Mum' or 'Bella' or what would you prefer… Let me know?
I feel I should begin by explaining that there has been an issue with my receiving of mail. I'm sorry I haven't replied sooner.

I must admit I am feeling rather nervous about this whole situation. The Dark Lord doesn't know me; he only knows of the blood that runs through my veins. If there was an issue sixteen years ago of me being kept within the circle, as so to speak, how is it ideal for me to join now? I understand how much this means to you but I fear I might fail you. I only made your life difficult before, and by publicly stepping up as your daughter… I worry it might dig up the past. Would my life, or yours, not be on the line by admitting this fact after lying for so long? And don't you feel we should, at the very least, get to know each other, before? I'm just trying to make sense of everything still.

I'm not going to be near you all summer, I have to tie up loose ends from Helen and Richard here in Northern Ireland. I have to attend meetings about my grandmother as there is an ongoing inquest into her death. I am also flying to New York to see my cousin, as she is a lawyer and we have a few family issues to resolve, like the legitimacy of my adoption, my rights and entitlements.

This is probably boring you, but I barely have enough time to sort everything out before heading to Hogwarts in September. I know you asked about my grades, I did well, don't tell Draco I beat him, he'll be most disappointed. I haven't decided on subjects yet; I haven't had much time to think about it. Perhaps you have some advice? Also, I would be very glad of some material on the training required and what would be expected of me come September or when I leave school.

I'll reply to you when I can,

KBL x

I felt so dirty as I wrote it. Imaginary creepy crawlies made me feel so uncomfortable. Like I actually intended to join up ranks and become a Death Eater.

"You don't need to do this." George saw how I was struggling.

"Yeah, we can protect you." Fred added.

I clenched my jaw before saying, "If I don't do this, I'm dead, if I do this, I'm dead. But I'm hoping that by writing this, I might prolong my sad, miserable, disaster of a life just a little bit longer, in the hope that I might have more time to spend with you guys."

Fred clutched his heart, "You're killing me, the emotion, it's too much."

I glared at him, "I'm being serious." I took a deep breath, "She's dangerous, and I'm buying myself time. I'm playing the long game. I'm not available all summer? Shame. I'm in Hogwarts until Christmas? Shucks. I pretend I'm in Hogwarts gathering intel over Christmas? Helpful. I try to make it out alive at the end of sixth year? Goals." I looked down at my hands, "I'm going to start praying, daily, that Voldy is cool with me – f*ck."

"What?" Fred and George said in unison.

"He knows exactly who I am. I was with Harry when he was possessed, Voldemort would have heard me at Harry's side, would have seen me…" I let out a whimper, "Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Wh-"

"Katy! Katy! Stop -" George grabbed my hands from the rapid, stiff movements they were making, "What is done is done. Let's draw a line under that."

I closed my eyes, "I can't change the past but you can help shape your future." I droned.

"Exactly."

"Seems that therapy is paying for itself in advice." I murmured, then I put my hands on my legs and pushed myself, "Best get these bad boys sent before I overthink this, too." I lifted the letters and went to find two owls. I knew as I sent the letter to Bellatrix, I'm as good as dead either way.