6th August

Anxiety passed through my body continuously from the moment that letter was carried away by the owl. I feel like I've made a massive mistake. My nervousness is showing, through repetitive movements of my head, hands and feet. George literally brought me to Maura's this morning because he wondered what was going on with me.

Maura allowed him into our meeting in the promise that he would say nothing, and if I was distracted by his presence, then he would have to leave. But in these new CBT meetings, Maura put me in 'the zone' and I used meditation to relax and free myself from external stresses. It was then that I was able to begin the process of deconstructing my problems.

"I've gone from fearing one set of parents to fearing another." I told her, "I don't know what she wants to do with me and we're going to end up playing each other and either way, I'm going to end up hurt."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because all I've ever wanted is a mother, but I also want her out of my life, because what she represents is everything I'm against." I paused, "I feel like my life was simpler before I knew she was my real mother. Now life just feels even more complicated."

"How is your life even more complicated?"

I sighed, "Because I feel like I have obligations, I feel like I have to prove that I'm not like her, that I'm not a mad psycho-bitch, but sometimes I feel like I am. I had to stop myself from flying off the handle the other day, I mean, I held it in, I felt the other surrounding emotions – the anxiety, the hurt, the feeling of betrayal as Molly kept my mail from me. She told me that she didn't want to hurt me, that all she wanted to do was protect me, but I feel – I can't help but wonder – what else is being kept from me?"

Maura's soothing voice sounded, "And how do you think it is best to deal with the situation?"

"I don't know…"

"Would you consider approaching Molly or another trusted adult?"

I opened my eyes, but Maura encouraged me to close them again, "I don't know who I can trust…"

And so the conversation went on. A series of discussions on issues and finding solutions. The point I was trying to make is I keep losing my shit. Truth is, my head is all over the place. I'm so anxious and frustrated by so many things, but Maura is right, I have been through a lot, and it's only natural to need time to recover. I think George got a bit of a shocking insight during that session because I was brutally honest. I really don't know who I can trust anymore. Maura has recommended that I try to let people back in, instead of pushing them away.

George and I went shopping in London afterwards, claiming that he needed help choosing some summer clothes and, of course, a present for Ginny. "Do you feel better after your meetings with Maura?" George asked me as we walked hand-in-hand.

"Yeah, why?"

George exhaled, "That was intense."

I pushed open a department store door and stepped in, "They have been intense lately because I know how badly I need to get myself sorted. I want to feel like myself again. I want to be the girl who danced with you at the Yule Ball, the girl who gets up on top of a table and sings to a song on the radio in front of everyone, the girl who pranked you. I miss her. I felt so -" I sighed, able to describe how free I felt, the exhilaration of being my true self, knowing that I wasn't being judged.

"You were on cloud nine!"

I nodded, picking up a shirt for him to try on, "Yeah, I was."

"So how do we get you back up there?"

"Therapy, therapy and… more therapy."

"And a bit of sweet lovin'?" he lifted a pair of boxers covered in lip designs.

I smiled, "Yeah, that sounds nice!"

He placed them up to himself, "You're not going to make me wear these, though?"

I smirked, "No… definitely not… Besides, isn't the whole point that you have nothing on?"

I watched him as he tried to hide a smirk, taking great interest in a pile of shorts.

"Why are we buying summery clothes, anyway?"

"Because it's summer time?"

"Summer happened a few weeks back… you do recall we live in the UK? It's cold and wet 350 days in a year. Our good weather has already happened!"

He shrugged his shoulders and went into the changing rooms to try everything on, "You coming?"

I looked to the shop assistant and she shrugged her shoulders.

"This would look nice on you." George lifted up a red dress, and handed it to me, "Try it on."

I blinked at him, "Red?"

"Red." He encouraged.

So the two of us went into separate cubicles and I nervously tried on the red dress. I had never been this daring before. "Can I get a hand with this zip?" I called out.

"Of course." The shop assistant pulled open the curtain slightly and helped me, fastening the little button at the top, "This looks incredible."

"You're just saying that." I pursed my lips.

"Let me see you." George said from outside, "You'll find my outfit quite acceptable."

The shop assistant opened the curtain and I had a good look at George, "Very sexy." I joked, he had on a pair of navy chino shorts and a blue and white checked shirt, "Surprised you didn't decide to show me the bright orange Hawaiian shirt that would have clashed with your hair."

George looked me up and down, bit his lower lip and said, "I'm buying you that dress."

"Don't be ridiculous! Where on earth would I wear a dress like this?" I questioned.

"I will find a reason." He placed his hands on my hips and directed me to look in the mirror, "Look at how gorgeous you are."

I glanced up at him, "Wise up."

"Look, Katy."

I allowed my eyes to rise from the floor and consider the dress. It was a form-fitting dress that showed off my curvy hips. I turned to the side and smoothed the fabric across my stomach and no lumps or bumps were visible. I turned around and had a look at my bum, which, I must admit, did look rather peachy.

"You see what I mean?"

I swallowed before responding, "Alright, the dress is nice."

He cleared this throat.

"You're gonna make me sound big-headed if I say I look good, George."

"But you do."

"I look great." I giggled, giving a twirl, "Look, perfect outfit." I put on the combat boots Tonks bought me.

George literally laughed, "You and those boots."

Gentle teasing went on for the rest of the morning and into the early afternoon. We went from shop to shop, where I helped George spend his money. It was surprisingly easy! His claim was that he needed a new wardrobe after seeing all my new clothes. There were a few items along the way I couldn't resist and picked up for myself. He also happened to buy me a lot of clothes, and perfume and a pair of really pretty shoes, which he didn't need to do, but insisted. A girl cannot argue when it comes to shoes. We bought Ginny a present, which I know she'll love. We had lunch in a quaint little café before buying school supplies, I decided to study DADA, charms, potions, transfiguration, Herbology and Muggle Studies next year. I chose Muggle Studies, because the rebel in me wanted to show a little resistance. That, and I loved our class.

I wrote a letter to Hannah Abbott that evening as we returned from our shopping, asking how she was and if she fancied a NEWT in Muggle Studies. I did recall telling her I'd write when we were on the train home. The shock of the day was when I walked upstairs to the flat; Fred had invited Angelina over for dinner. I wasn't expecting to see her, I'll be honest. The other surprise was that Fred cooked. And it wasn't awful. Well done him!

This time, at least, Angelina was respectfully dressed in my presence with a chunky cardigan, high-necked t-shirt and jeans. The nervous look Fred gave me when I walked in told me that he wanted this to work so badly. And the look George gave me told me that he hadn't a clue this was happening. I think Ange was nervous, that made me feel so much better. I was an absolute delight to her. I am an absolute delight.

Look, the issue between us was not her relationship with Fred or the fact that they went back to hers, or the way they were touchy-feely. It was the way she presented herself and the tactless comments she made. I've made my peace with that night and it was time to move on. So I did. I have.

"I love your boots!" was the first thing she said to me.

I gave the 'knowing' look to Fred and George, who both laughed. "Thank you!" I said to Ange.

"What have you two been up to?" she asked, eager to keep up conversation. And so the evening went on… we had dinner, played questionable games and got caught up on what is going on in each other's lives. I knew I had to give her a chance, for Fred's sake more than anything. But it was a lot easier than I thought, she was my friend before everything happened, and we had a lot of fun in school. I got to know her as part of Rogues and I kind of wished the whole group was together again, but perhaps it might have been a bit much to handle! Perhaps another time…?

7th August

Angelina stayed over. I'm cool with that. By the end of the night it was like old times, where the two of us talked about the twins and reminisced about our own mischievous times. I wasn't made to feel uncomfortable and it felt like Ange and I were now on good terms again.

The four of us had a sleepy start, eating breakfast together before the shop opened. We went to bed at stupid o'clock, and coffee was being consumed on tap. Ange was starting her job at the Ministry around lunchtime, claiming it was called the 'late shift'. So the two of us got washed and dressed in the hope that we may have some time to spend together. I wanted to ask her about the ongoing status of her relationship with Fred, because he really wasn't giving much away. But she slipped off soon after breakfast, claiming that she had forgotten to finish off a report, or something.

11th August

"Mum, can we have dinner in the garden?" Ginny asked, "It's such a lovely day!"

"Of course dear, ask Bill and your Father to sort out the seating arrangements." Ginny scurried off happily as Molly busied herself around the kitchen making all of Ginny's favourite foods.

I had arrived minutes before, armed with the cake I had spent most of the day baking. Chequerboard cake takes time, especially when the ganache takes forever in a day to set. George had returned from his parents' the evening before, sending a request from Ginny to bake her a cake. He said that his mum was giving me space, which is why she hadn't put in the request herself, even though it would have been nice to have more than 18 hours notice. Thing is, Molly and I haven't had a proper conversation from the incident with the letters, so she was never going to ask me herself. I was civil, but things like that take time to recover from. So I set down the cakes and got myself out of the way before handing Ginny her present.

"Where's your pyjamas?" she enquired, looking for my extra luggage, "Oh, please tell me you're still staying! You promised!"

"I couldn't carry your present and your cake and all my luggage, George will bring it when he finishes work!" I commented, implying that she should chill out, "Besides, I couldn't leave this little guy lying just anywhere…"

She looked into the bag containing her gift and a smile spread across her face, "You. Are. Amazing."

"Family discount." I winked as she lifted the Pigmy Puff out of the bag and placed the purple ball of fur on her shoulder.

She was taken by the creature, stroking its soft fur when Hermione came into the bedroom, "'Mione, meet Arnold."

"Arnold?" the two of us questioned.

"Yes, Arnold." She looked proudly at her new pet, "And how come you're only getting here now?" she asked conversationally, "I hoped you would have been here to join Hermione and me for scones earlier."

"I was baking your cake all afternoon." I said, but she didn't seem convinced, "And I was with Maura this morning. You didn't want to see me after today's meeting, Gin, trust me."

She focused on me, "Why not, what's bothering you?"

"My family. Both sides." I rolled my eyes, "One side giving off that I'm getting money that they don't think I deserve, which, may I add, I don't even want. I got a letter from Mr Snow postponing my meeting. And the other side are causing me bother, too."

"In what way?" Hermione sat me down on Ginny's bed.

I sighed, "Tonks is pretty much ignoring me. I haven't heard from her since the 'I'll send you a letter when I'm feeling better', and Narcissa Malfoy showing up that day in Diagon Alley to politely make my life worse by telling me shite about my mother. All in all, life is good. Happy birthday, Gin."

"Tonks is ignoring you?" Ginny questioned.

I pursed my lips, "Yeah…"

"Have you attempted to contact her again?" Hermione enquired.

"I've given her the space to reply to me, she said she'd be in contact when she felt better." I reasoned.

"Well, maybe you should send her a message, asking how she is? Maybe she's been busy and forgotten? And you didn't reply to her message, either, remember." Ginny suggested.

I shrugged my shoulders, "Maybe I will. I just don't want to be overbearing, or needy."

"She's your cousin, she won't mind!" my two friends assured me.

I wasn't entirely convinced, but I carried the conversation into another direction, it was Ginny's birthday, after all, "You didn't open your second present."

"There's more?"

"Well, it is coming from me, Fred and George!"

She smirked, "I'm not complaining, considering you're all loaded." I decided not to reply to that, as she ripped open the brown paper, "Muggle Pyjamas, eye mask, hot water bottle and mug with hot chocolate set. Wow, Kit-Kat!" she wrapped her arms around me.

"Gotta look after my nearest and dearest!" I smiled, "I even got you a little something, 'Mione, I saw it in a wee shop and thought you'd appreciate it."

Ginny took it from me and gave it a shake, "My guess is it's a book."

Hermione opened it and smiled, "Better than a book, it's a Muggle Classic! Sense and Sensibility – how'd you know?"

I gave a wry smile, "And here's me thinking we were friends!" I turned my head to the side, "Where're the boys?"

Ginny shrugged her shoulders, as though she wasn't bothered. She showed me the charm bracelet Hermione bought her, and the new clothes her mother bought her. "It's so annoying how we can't go out. I mean, I understand, but I wish I could just walk to Stoatshead Hill and back, or something."

"Don't look at me!" I held my hands up, "I'm not taking responsibility for the only Weasley daughter!"

"But they wouldn't even see us leave." She clasped her hands together, "Please Kit Kat, it's my birthday!"

I rolled my eyes, "You're going to get me into so much trouble."

So grand was Ginny's elaborate plan that there was little chance for discussion. She was fiery like that. I wasn't all too happy with her forcefulness, but I reckoned Molly owed me one if we got caught.

The Weasley family, plus Hermione, Harry, Fleur and I all sat outside in the evening sunshine eating a roast fit for a royal feast. Fred and George arrived just before serving, having had yet another busy day of trading. George slumped into the seat beside me in pure exhaustion. After we finished eating, I sat gently stroking his hair, his eyes closing. Fred was struggling too, and we communicated across the table that it was time to bring him home.

It was after Fred left with George that things kicked off. Just as I was about to reveal the absolute masterpiece that was the chess cake I made, Tonks arrived, looking pale and dishevelled, "I'm not late, am I?"

"Not at all!" Molly stood and wrapped her arms around Tonks, offering her a seat, "It's good to see you, dear." She started fussing over Tonks, offering her food and Tonks politely declined.

I was standing in the doorway of The Burrow for a good few minutes, watching, waiting, glad I hadn't decided to light any candles. After failing to grab anyone's attention to present the cake, I set it back down in the kitchen and sat at the table outside, arms folded and what I reckoned was with a face like thunder. I actually had to check if I was invisible. I flickered my appearance, kind of like Tinkerbell from Peter Pan, (when she doesn't get attention she flickers and dies). I know I was being an overdramatic attention seeker, but I was just a bit hurt. And I don't deal with being ignored too well, even though I'm far too well accustomed to it. And I spent hours making that cake. So sometimes you just gotta speak your mind.

So I got up, went into the kitchen, grabbed the cake and set it down in front of Ginny, "Happy birthday." I didn't hold back on showing my annoyance, either.

"Aw Kit Kat, this looks amazing!" Ginny, who had been too absorbed into other conversation missed my tone. Hermione on the other hand looked taken aback, and Ron was doing his best to shrink down into his seat. He knew well enough that I was dangerous when angry.

It's not like I flicked a switch or anything, this had been brewing for a while. But it was Ginny's birthday, and I had to show some restraint. So I took a deep breath and said, "You haven't even cut into it yet."

I had my fingers and toes crossed when Ginny cut out the first slice of cake. A sigh of relief was breathed as the checkerboard effect worked. Molly summoned side plates for the cake and Ginny nominated me, the only person standing, to make sure everyone got a slice. So I made my way around the table and when I got to Tonks I said, "Well, I suppose I told you I'd make cake for the next time I saw you." And I set it down a little more forcefully than intended.

"What's gotten into you?" Tonks questioned me.

I stayed rather calm and collected when I responded, "Where have you been?"

"You answer first." She said, it was though we were having a normal conversation by the way we were talking to one another, but there was a lot of hidden aggression in her expression.

"You know, I feel like I've had more correspondence with my mother than I have with you, lately." I told her, and when her jaw dropped in a how-dare-you-write-to-her sort of way, I knew I'd hit a nerve, "I wrote to you, asking for your help, and you fobbed me off."

"I had the flu."

"You said you'd arrange something when you were feeling better."

"I've been busy."

"Too busy to meet up for an hour?" I shivered, "I needed you, and you ignored me. I don't ask people for help, so when I do, I thought you'd make more of an effort, or do you not give a shit about me anymore?" it felt good to get my feelings off my chest, "Do you remember the last time you saw me?" I questioned in a very polite way, but my hands were struggling to be still, as she shook her head, "It's been three weeks."

She looked at me, all offended, opening her mouth and closing it again. She had nothing to say.

"'Preciate it." I nodded, bowing my head, closing my eyes, before regaining myself, "Don't you have anything to say for yourself?"

She scratched her dull mousey-brown hair. I watched her as she sat there, hands around a mug of tea Molly had just passed down the table to her. She was a shell of her former self. Tonks was usually the life of the party, but today, things were a lot different, "I've been struggling, too." She whispered.

I sat down in the chair, and leaned across the table to her, "And you know you can come chat with me. I care about you and I don't want you to be struggling with this on your own. I'd do anything in my power to help, you know that? Just as I thought you'd do anything for me, or was that all one big lie to you?"

She was visibly affronted by my honesty. Yet she said nothing to make me think otherwise, nothing to defend herself. I hoped the situation with Remus hadn't escalated. She appeared pale and exhausted as she dug into the cake.

Still she remained silent.

"Talk to me." I said.

She shook her head, "I can't."

"Have I done something to hurt you?"

She gave the tiniest shakes of the head. The timid mouse that was now Tonks finished her cake and sighed, standing up, leaving half a cup of tea behind. She walked directly past me, towards Ginny and Hermione, giving them both massive hugs, passing Ginny over a present. Then she waved to Molly, and the boys, excusing herself to go home.

"I just don't want to talk to you." She whispered as she walked past. The sting of her words leaving a lasting imprint on my mind.

"You need to give her a break, Kathryn." Hermione said.

Ginny added, "She's been here most nights crying to mum."

"And how does that warrant me needing to give her a break?" I asked as we reached Stoatshead Hill, the sun was setting in the sky, looking beautiful and peaceful.

Hermione sat down, pulling me down with her, "It's not a criticism or anything, because when something is bothering you, you try and sort it, like when you don't understand something we learnt in class, but none of us know what's going on with Tonks -"

"Hermione, you're rambling."

"Sorry."

"I think what Hermione is trying to say, Kat, is that she's struggling with Sirius' death or something and she's not talking to anyone about it, except, maybe mum. She'll talk to us when she's ready."

"And maybe you were being a little harsh, saying that she didn't care."

"I was trying to get a reaction, to see a little bit of the Tonks that we know, but she didn't fight back. There was no fire in her eyes, no spirit. It's like she just couldn't stand to be in my presence for some reason."

Hermione and Ginny glanced at each other and laughed, "You two are inseparable!" Hermione commented, "Just give her time."

"I just really hope I haven't been the one to hurt her." I said honestly, "I hate going to bed on an argument – George and I learnt that one the hard way, and it's not good for me, or anyone to hold in all that emotion."

"She was just asking for space, everything will be back to normal again in a few weeks, just you wait and see!" Hermione consoled, "Now, I don't want to be the breaker of bad news, but… I think we ought to get back now before dark."

Ginny stood up, "You're right."

So the three of us invisibly walked back to the Burrow, chatting about everything girly from Dean to, Ginny's insecurities and feeling like she needs makeup, to acne and hormones. It was so refreshing to chat openly with girls. I was completely open with George, but he never completely understood, but bless him, he tried. As the sun was about to set, the three of us walked through the door and climbed the stairs, sneaking into Ginny's room, getting into our pyjamas like we had been there the whole time. I needed a lie down, my energy zapped from keeping the three of us invisible for so long.

There was a tap tap tap on the door and Molly popped her head in. Her eyes met mine before falling to the floor, "Would you ladies like some hot cocoa before bed?"

"That would be lovely, mum!" Ginny answered and Molly closed the door quietly behind her, "She still feels awful about what she did to you."

"You know, if she wasn't so awkward about it, and not cowering away every time we're in a room together, I'd find it easier to move on, but she's making it difficult for herself!" I said, "She did what she did and she probably had her reasons… Doesn't stop me from getting annoyed, but people have done a lot worse to me."

"That's true." Hermione said under her breath, "And the therapy is helping you with everything?"

I nodded, "Molly was only trying to protect me, Bellatrix is only interested in one thing, so don't go near her, George is someone I should trust more, I should confide in friends more, expressing emotions will aid my recovery." I listed the thing Maura and I had discussed this morning.

"I'm glad you learnt what your mother is really like before going back to Hogwarts again." Ginny said, "She could have really hurt you if you stayed in Malfoy Manor."