31st August

"I promise I'm all yours this afternoon." George clasped his hands together, pleading for forgiveness, "I can't believe I was such an idiot and didn't get the rota right, I –"

I reached up on my tiptoes and kissed him, "It's fine."

"Oh no…" he groaned, "That's girl speak for it's not fine and you're in massive trouble."

"No," I told him, "It's Kathryn speak for it's fine, it's not great, but it's fine. I think I'll find ways to amuse myself for a few hours. If you aren't upstairs by midday, I'm dragging you up here at a risk to my own personal safety."

George tried his very best to stop the smirk that was developing on his lips, "You're the best."

"I know." I told him as he kissed me multiple times before escaping downstairs to the shop.

So now I had a few choices of what I could get up to. I could pack my trunk, which is the most logical thing to do, but I don't want to. I'm avoiding the idea that I'm leaving tomorrow for as long as possible. I could visit the Burrow, but that would only mean Molly fussing and I can't be arsed with that, either. I could start making some nice food, but I'm letting George buy me lunch, because that's the very least I deserve. After being up so late last night, all I wanted to do was sleep.

And that turned out to be the worst decision of all.

Why? You might ask. Because I didn't realise how much I was suffering with the idea of going back to Hogwarts without George, or suffering with the news Narcissa came to tell me, or suffering as a result of the hate mail, or suffering as a result of being kidnapped by a bunch of Death Eaters for a few days before making my escape. Being tired made all my anxiety rise to the surface. It all came flooding back into my lack-of-sleep-induced-vulnerable brain. Images flicked like a TV remote changing channels. It all started in a mixture of the rooms I'd been tortured in…

I was tied up in a chair, suspended in the air, I had the feeling I'd been there a while and the gag had just been taken out of my mouth.

"So are you going to tell me what you want, so that I can go and find out the information, then feed it back to you?" I asked the masked figure, "Or are we going to go back in circles until one of us dies of boredom?"

"Thems not the rules, missy."

"Are you going to enlighten me as to what the rules are?"

"Do you want me to hurt you? Because if you don't shut it, I'm going to hurt you." A knife was brandished.

"Oh, okay." I said, staying silent for no more than a minute before saying, "So who is in charge here?"

He let out an angry string of swear words, "Merlin, you are so annoying."

"I can only apologise." I smiled, not threatened by him, or at least hiding it, very well. Why was I being so careless with my life? What had happened to make me risk it all?

The knife plunged into my stomach and I found myself arguing with Tonks.

"Why are you being like this with me?" I said, "There are so many flavours of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans and you choose to be salty?" I questioned, "This is not you, T."

She screamed in anger, "You're lying! You've never spoken a word of truth to me, you're going to take him from me. You may as well kill me, that's how much this is hurting."

But it turns out Tonks wasn't Tonks, or at least I didn't think it was her. I was convinced it was my mum under the influence of Polyjuice potion. She wanted me to want to kill Tonks. Bellatrix knew that I was close enough to her. I was and am Bellatrix's puppet, she knew I would do it for her. I stabbed the knife that appeared in my hand into the impersonators heart. That was when Bellatrix Lestrange walked into the room, clapping, congratulating me on finally being the one to kill her niece.

I found myself lifted off my feet, taken by Dementors to Azkaban, wracked with guilt. This was where I met two creepy men who wanted nothing more than to see what's hiding under my skirt. I started kicking and punching and screaming. That was when Lucius Malfoy sauntered in with the same swagger his son wears so well. I thought he would help me, but I was wrong. He wanted me dead, he wanted me to suffer.

"Let me have a go too, Rodolphus." He told the two men, "See what good your loins have produced."

I fell unconscious after a while, the three men were that rough with my body. I was then transported to a dark room, very dark and eerily quiet. I knew there had to be something in there with me, but what? A bright white light flashed on and off, like a camera flash, imprinting on my retinas. As my eyes adjusted, I began to see objects. I began to see writing on the wall. I noticed the Death Eater tattoo on my arm. The more the lights flashed on and off, the more the room began to fill, the more the walls began to fill with writing. Then something cold and stiff touched me, it had a fleshy feel.

It was a dead body. I was surrounded by dead bodies. The writing on the walls told me: THESE PEOPLE DIED BECAUSE OF YOU. The room filled and filled, until there was no room to move, and ultimately no room to breathe. I died alongside the people I was responsible for murdering. The death toll for me becoming a Death Eater, I just became one of the number.

Somehow regenerated, I was walking by myself on platform 9 and ¾. There was no one around me, or at least, I couldn't see them. My head was fuzzy, my eyesight blurred, my body not feeling like my own. I swayed on the spot, my mouth like sandpaper, my shaking hand reached into my bag for a drink.

"You didn't think I'd let you get on that train, did you?" sounded the voice of Bellatrix Lestrange from afar, I could discern a figure in the distance wearing black, "Not after you defying me all summer."

I spilt the contents of the drink on the ground, the whoosh of liquid filling the room. My hand naturally reached for my wand.

"Expelliarmus." She said, as though bored.

I reached in front of me, grasping the air for the wand that had slipped through my fingers.

"Lowered inhibitions?" she asked, listing the symptoms I was experiencing, "Head spinning? Mouth dry? Uncontrollable shaking?" she let out a booming laugh, as I looked around me for anyone else, slipping and falling onto my backside, "Do you think your Order friends are going to save you now? You're so pathetic."

"What have you done to me?" I asked, speech slurred significantly.

Bellatrix Lestrange spat on the floor as she approached me, "Me? What have I done to you?" she retorted, "You did this to yourself." She grabbed me by the hair, my head feeling like it was underwater, I lost my balance and banged my head off the cold, hard tiles, "You see, Katy, when you were a baby, I made some lasting promises to the Dark Lord."

I managed to force my over encumbered body into a seated position again, too weak for anything else, "What?" I blubbered.

"I offered you into the Dark Lord's service when you were a baby. If you defy him after your seventeenth birthday, you will die. You've probably noticed the more you defy him, the weaker you become. Do you see, Katy, do you understand?" she stood in front of me, dangling something in front of my face, "If you choose to accept the Dark Lord and become a Death Eater, you will live. I'll even give you the antidote to the poison currently running through your veins if you accept him now. Otherwise, you'll be dead in... three minutes?"

I hadn't realised that the tingling in my legs was the effects of poison, for now I couldn't feel them at all. I fell back, this time unable to move below my navel. The poison was working quickly; I could sense the loss of control. As my lungs began to become affected, a bright light appeared in the distance. I couldn't feel anything or hear anything, my vision was blind to the bright white light I so desperately wanted to reach for. A warm liquid poured down my throat, the taste was revolting, I couldn't swallow, so I choked, coughing the liquid everywhere, I said in my dying breath, "F*ck you, mum."

I woke up tangled in the duvet on the floor. I was completely alone. My heavy breathing was the sound that filled the room. I pulled myself up and sat on the edge of the bed, gently checking my body for the things I had been so accustomed to looking for: cuts, bumps and bruises.

Droplets of sweat ran down my brow as my shaking hands removed the sopping wet clothing from my body and dropped it on the floor. I had gone for so long without a single nightmare. My defences were down. I was lapsing again.

Half an hour in the shower sorted me out. The flow of warm water gives the mind something to focus on. Yet, this time, it didn't feel like it was enough.

"I thought you showered this morning?" George asked as I left the bathroom.

"Where's Fred?" I asked.

A look of surprise registered on his face, "He's eating downstairs, he didn't want to disturb -"

"Take off your clothes." because passionate sex is one sure fire way to get rid of the bad feelings.

"Wow." George uttered, "That was – incredible!" he could hardly speak after I was done with him, "I mean, we need to do that more often."

I lay on the bed beside him, staring at the ceiling, reminded of what happened in my nightmares, how my body was defiled. My nightmares appeared when I closed my eyes, they were there in a flash, disappearing as soon as they arrived.

"You okay?" he asked, "Did I hurt you?"

I turned to look at him and shook my head, getting redressed.

George touched my left shoulder, "Katy, you've got a bruise here…" he remarked, tracing his fingers along the dark bruise, all the way around to my clavicle, tracing the scar I received almost ten years ago.

"Oh, that's nothing." I told him; it was true, I've had much worse, "Come on, get dressed, I'm starving."

I opened the bedroom door to smell lunch cooking.

"I heard you were in the shower, so I… started making us something nice."

"Lucky me," I gave him a small smile.

"Ah, Kathryn!" Molly said loudly, cutting across Fleur. I could see something bubbling in a pot in the kitchen, Fleur was seemingly mid-sentence and no one appeared to be listening to her. The house was far from the tranquillity of my own space I had come from.

"You wanted to see me?" I asked, feeling a little worse for wear, "Is everything alright?"

"Harry!" Molly called him over, "I just wanted to let you both know about the arrangements for tomorrow morning. We've got Ministry cars again, and there will be Aurors waiting at the station -"

Harry interjected, "Is Tonks going to be there?"

"No," both Molly and I answered simultaneously.

"She 'as let 'erself go, zat Tonks," Fleur mused, examining her own reflection in that back of a teaspoon, "A big mistake if you ask -"

I cleared my throat loudly, "I'd appreciate it if you were to shut it." I always manage to sound threatening when my very broad Northern Irish accent escaped my mouth.

"Yes." Molly agreed, and Fleur looked thoroughly put out, having thought that I was her one ally in this house, "If you could be here for -"

"Actually, Molly…" I said quietly, so that Harry and Molly could hear, "I've spoken with George, and he's going to take me to the station in the morning. We're already in London, and I'd like to get onto that train with minimal fuss."

She knew I had made up my mind, "Make sure you pack everything tonight, we don't need to have last minute scrambles in the morning. It is now your responsibility to get to King's Cross on time."

"I know, I understand that." I nodded, "The Aurors should focus on keeping Harry safe, not me. I'll deal with any trouble the only way I know how. See you on the platform." I nodded and left the Burrow as quickly as I had entered it.

"What did Mum want?" Fred asked, piling copious amounts of jelly worms into his mouth at once.

"Tomorrow's plans." I sat beside him on the sofa and groaned, cuddling a cushion, twirling my ring with my fingers, "I know at least one of you will safely return me to the train."

Fred looked between George and me, "Look, I'm happy to make myself scarce for a few hours if you two want some alone time."

George lifted his mug of coffee and raised it in the air, "You being here hasn't stopped us before, Freddie, so I wouldn't worry about it."

Fred and I shared that look, the one we always had when George said a little bit too much. There are some things that are supposed to remain unsaid, but Fred and I are close enough to not even be embarrassed by it anymore. It was only after we had finished our dinner that Freddie asked me, "Do you think I should buy some lingerie?"

I laughed. Laughing was unavoidable.

"Do you think I should by some lingerie for Angie?" he rephrased.

"You could do?" I shrugged my shoulders, "Anything particular in mind?"

Fred summoned a magazine, "I knew I could rely on you." He smirked, "I was thinking this design." He pointed at a black outfit, including G-string, suspenders and a bra that offered nothing resembling support. Upon looking at my reaction, he said, "I'll take that as a 'no', then?"

I took the magazine in hand and flicked through, "Now." I stopped on a more sensible range, where the women looked less like prostitutes and more like women who just wanted to wear something that made them feel good, "If it were me, I'd choose something like this…" I told him, pointing at a lacy number, "But I imagine Angelina Johnson would be a little more comfortable wearing this…" I pointed to an item.

He tried to hide the smile and to clear his imagination from running wild, "Perfect, thanks."

"What are you two whispering about over there?" George asked from the kitchen.

"Underwear."

"Uh-huh." He rolled his eyes.

"I'm too tired… You can finish in the morning." George said sleepily, "Let's go to bed."

I was satisfied that I had, at least, got everything ironed, folded and ready to put in, it was a matter of clearing out the rest of my clothes from George's wardrobe and chest of drawers. And the shoes, I somehow had to fit those in, too.

In bed, George had his arms around me, in a tight embrace, just like he always did. A kiss on the neck and a soft 'goodnight' whispered into my ear told me he was exhausted. It didn't take him long to drift over to the land of the sleeping, it never did. His embrace loosened and his arms became heavy. It was only a matter of time before his sleep deepened and he rolled over, too warm to cuddle any longer.

I tossed and turned, too warm to sleep, too awake to force myself any longer. The longer I lay there, the more vivid my imagination got and the worse my anxiety about the following days became. There was nothing for it, but to get up and continue packing.

George was a deep enough sleeper that me walking around in our room didn't disturb him. It would take him to be a deep sleeper with my tossing, turning, talking in my sleep and the occasional snore. I hauled the trunk into the open-plan living space and started emptying it, not that it particularly needed tidying, but one of the techniques Maura offered was to do monotonous tasks like folding socks to help you get off to sleep. So I had my roles of parchment, new textbooks, potions ingredients, followed by all my new bottles of ink and then my good quills George bought me for sitting my O.W.L.s and a few spares, all on the kitchen table.

For the fear of someone getting their hands onto one of my old diaries, I layered them at the bottom, hiding them, along with the necklace Narcissa gifted me, unbeknownst to me that it was a family heirloom. I also put in the snake-skull-raven gothic ring in there, too, I didn't know what it meant, but I knew it had to represent dark magic.

"Wha'cha doing?"

It took all I had not to scream, "Freddie!" I gave him a playful shove, he got that close to me without me noticing, "You're going to give me a heart attack!"

"You seriously didn't hear me?" he questioned, "You must have been in a world of your own."

"I was." I admitted, covering up the diaries with the false bottom, "Why are you up?"

He walked over to the sink, "I needed a drink, it's far too warm to sleep tonight. I'm guessing George is -"

"Out for the count?" I questioned, "Oh yeah."

"It's just so natural with the two of you." He said, after taking a long drink of water, "Your relationship has certainly changed over the last few weeks, it's been lovely to see you blossom, as so to speak."

I turned my head to the side and gave a small smile, "Aw, thanks Freddie."

As I tightly packed in my stationary, so as not to have any leaking ink or crushed parchment, Freddie hovered, watching me. It wasn't creepy or anything, I've gotten quite used to his presence, and he's seen me at my best and my worst in these last 62 days.

"Thank you." He said after a while.

"What for?" I stopped what I was doing momentarily.

"So many things…" he began, then cleared his throat, "You're here, that's a start, and you make George so happy, you care, I love our chats and that I can ask you deep or personal stuff and you give me an honest answer."

I sat down on the sofa beside him, abandoning my packing, "Of course I do! You're not just some random bloke who lives with George, you're my bro! We've become good friends, I'm glad that you're comfortable sharing things with me! I only want to help."

Fred grinned, "It's actually very advantageous having you around, George just doesn't have the sort of girl knowledge I need!"

I smirked, "You know Freddie, anytime you need advice, you just send me an owl, okay?"

"Underwear pictures included?" he giggled.

"Underwear pictures included." I gave a courteous nod, "Gotta give my fellow students something to talk about, other than who my mother is and if I'm becoming a Death Eater or the truth in the article or whatever else they find of interest, there's bound to be something."

"You're dreading going back tomorrow."

I put my hand on my chest, "What on earth would give you that impression?" I cleared my throat, "Last time I went outside I nearly died, last time I left Hogwarts I was an absolute mess, why wouldn't I want to reconcile with those feelings?"

Fred sighed, "Which is why you can't sleep."

"Amongst other things." I admitted, then paused before saying, "You've got to promise me something, Freddie."

"What?"

"If I die -"

He laughed feebly, "You're not going to die!"

"IF," I emphasised, "I die… I need you to look after him, I need you to hold him and remind him that I love him and that I didn't choose to go. Don't let him suffer, get him back up on his feet and let him move on. Just make sure she's quite as amazing as me, that she makes him happy." I felt my lower lip quiver and my eyes moisten, so I stopped and cleared my throat again.

"You're not going to die, Kathryn." He repeated, more seriously this time, "You're too strong for all that. You'll figure it out, you always do."

I gave him the tiniest of smiles, "You mean coming back just to spite everyone?"

"Exactly." He grinned, "Give old Mouldy pants and crazy lady something to despair over."

"But you will, won't you?"

He nodded, "Of course." He leaned forwards, "Do you know something I don't, Kathryn?"

"I always do."

He shifted uncomfortably on the sofa.

"Don't worry, I don't plan on dying any time soon." I said in a matter-of-fact manner, "I'm just covering the eventualities. I don't have any property, I don't have family, per sé, my money will go to you lot, cause those are my wishes, make sure Ginny gets the Princess ring and George gets this one," I showed him the promise ring on the ring finger of my left hand, "And you can have my diaries, because at least, of all people, I don't think you'd break if you read them."

"You're freaking me out now." He said, "And that doesn't happen that often."

"Hermione can take my books, give Tonks the comb I wore in my hair on the night of the Yule Ball, I want her to wear it when she gets married -"

Fred reached forwards and took a hold of my cold hands, "Kathryn, stop." I looked up at him with tired eyes, and in his I saw fear, "You're not going to do anything stupid, are you?"

I shook my head, "I love him too much to do anything that stupid." I glanced around the room I had been confined to for the last while, the soft warm glow of the dwindling fire lit up the major entities of the room, the things my mind would drift off to when I think of the place I call home, "I'm going to miss you." I said, "Both of you."

Fred seemed taken aback by my statement, "I'll miss you too."

I stood, lifting the jumper from the top of the pile, packing it into my trunk.

"You get very serious and sentimental when you're tired."

"Why do you think George likes to tire me out so much?" I winked.

Fred tried and failed to stop himself from imagining exactly what I meant. His lips curled and he let out the most refrained of laughs. I really am going to miss him. I haven't written enough about him and our little chats. They seemed so insignificant until today. He has done so much for me that I hadn't realised, he gave up his claim to his brother, his home, his time for me, the girl with a seriously unfortunate life and a magical reality. He accepted me into his life, his inner circle and I have done the same.

"You'll be alright?"

"Course I will." I smiled as he went to bed.

I quietly opened the door to my bedroom where George was still soundly asleep. I moved all my shoes into the kitchen and laid them all out onto the floor, then rearranged them into order of preference to bring. It was only then that I realised just how much 'stuff' I had acquired over the summer. Until now, I could fit my entire life into that trunk. Now I'm making roots. Hopefully George wouldn't mind me leaving a few things behind…! I wonder if he could fit in…? NO. You cannot think that way, Kathryn.

I climbed into bed, snuggling myself into George, lifting his arm and putting it around me. I let out a deep breath, moved into the fetal position and closed my eyes.

"You're cold…" George mumbled sleepily, "Did you get up?"

"Yeah," I whispered back, "Go back to sleep." I kissed his arm that was around me.

"I'm sorry I fell asleep earlier, I feel bad with it being your last night that we didn't -"

I turned to face him, "Don't worry about it, you were exhausted, you are exhausted." I kissed his nose gently, "Go back to sleep."

He kissed me back, except on the lips, "Why were you up?"

I snuggled into him, "I couldn't sleep… last night jitters."

He lifted my chin, looking into my eyes, "I know you had a nightmare yesterday. What I don't understand is why you felt you had to hide it from me."

I momentarily couldn't meet his eyes as I swallowed, hard, "You know me better than anyone."

"Don't avoid my question."

His strong hands remained so, he wasn't annoyed at me, he just cares, "It was awful, George. But you know I've had worse. I just -"

"What happened?" he asked, he was fully awake now, focused on me.

"It's all a bit of a blur… I was talking to Tonks and I was somehow convinced that it was my mum under polyjuice potion. She was trying to put us against each other, so I killed Tonks. Then I was taken to Azkaban where I met my dad and my two uncles, who looked at me like I was a piece of meat -"

"Oh please no." I felt George cringe.

I nodded, grimacing, "It was awful. The other bit was when I turned up to Kings Cross and no one else was there, except I was groggy, fuzzy-eyed, shaky… Then Bellatrix Lestrange tells me that she's poisoned me and says that she'll give me the antidote if I become a Death Eater, or I have three minutes to live. I was slowly paralysed and when she tried to save my life, I choked on it and spat it out. Last thing I said to her before dying was a massive 'f*ck you'. But you know, I died, 11am, on my return to Hogwarts. And after everything Narcissa said, I think I've gotten myself into a state and it's taken over and I -"

"Got yourself into a tizzy and even though you're very good at hiding it, went all dark and twisty on me." he said.

"I'm sorry…" I felt so ashamed for trying to hide it, "I've ruined our last day together."

He pulled me in tight, "No, you haven't. You told your mum to f*ck off. I consider that a triumph."

"I died, George."

He tickled me, "You seem pretty alive to me."

"And long may I stay alive." I joked, "Just to spite the lot of you."

"Katy…?" he got all serious again, "I need you to understand something before you go tomorrow. You can't hide things from me, I can only read you when I see you, so I need you to tell me if something is wrong, I need to know what's bothering you so that I can try and help you. If you're struggling, I'd rather you tell me, okay?"

"Yeah." I said, "I'm sorry, I trust you, I just didn't want to ruin everything by having a stupid nightmare whenever I shouldn't have been sleeping anyway!"

He smirked, "Come here, you!" he pulled me in tight embrace and kissed the top of my head, "I'm going to miss this."

"If you start talking like that, I'm going to start crying." I said, "But on that note, can I ask you to do something for me?"

"Anything."

I smiled, "Will you promise to write to me every day? At least one message, even if it's just a 'hi' or 'was really busy today, night' or anything?"

He nodded, "Of course I will."

"Cause if you don't, I'll start panicking and I won't rest until I know you're alright." I told him, "It's a really shitty world out there, and we're going to be miles apart."

"Katy," He said calmly, touching my lips with his finger, "I promise." He resolved all my worries and fears, "We've to get up in a little over five hours time, let's try to get some sleep? Or I can stay awake if you need me to?"

I reached forward and kissed him gently, "You are perfect, George Weasley." I told him, "Let's go to sleep." I forced the fear out of my mind, the fear of what the next months held.