Author's Note: I wrote this and then re-wrote and then re-wrote it again… and then so on. Still not completely happy with it, but I hope it's at least coherent. Also did a few little fixes in the first few chapters, nothing major!
Disclaimer: I don't own the Hunger Games and I never will. However, I do own this story and it's original thoughts/plots/OCs, so I make do.
XXXXX
Chapter Six: Bitter Resignation
The flowers seem much livelier than the day previous. Although it's only the start to the summer, most of them are happily in full bloom and on proud display for our upcoming visitors.
Gale only just began, but he already seems to be doing an expert job keeping up with the skill of the worker before him. It's clear to see that sometime yesterday all of the hedges were pruned, the grass trimmed, and mulch relaid in the flower beds by the front entrance.
I reach for a bundle of hydrangea, dripping off from a carefully trimmed bush. The tiny, lavender colored flowers brush my fingers and I can't help but selfishly hope my future husband's home will have a garden just like this.
I move over to some bright pink azalea that are planted closer to the back porch. Their petals push forward against their center, urging their insects and bees to partake in their swollen pollen.
A hushed whisper - urgent - breaks the silence of the midday.
"You will not speak with or look at any of the guests in this house. Should they address you, you may respond accordingly, but keep the conversation short. If they ask you for anything at all, immediately see to me for further instruction."
I follow the voice, coming to cement steps that lead to the back porch. This door serves as the servant's entrance or to receive deliveries. It is perched open and I see Ava and Gale standing very close to one another in the kitchen. She has a stern look on her face. "It is crucial to Mayor Undersee that this visit goes exceptionally well. You mustn't do anything to cause attention to yourself. Tend to your duties and then leave at four, just as you normally would," Ava instructs briskly. Gale's back is to me. I notice as his shoulders tense.
"How long will they be here?"
They - the Capitol guests.
I notice the question sounds particularly sour.
"They will stay four days, if everything goes accordingly. You must be here each day to ensure the garden is just as it should be and you will be compensated for the extra labor accordingly. Now, don't ask me anything else," The maid's tone is sharp - a warning.
There is a snort. "So, I'm supposed to play the perfect servant to a perfect family, huh?"
Gale's voice sounds sarcastic, dangerously so.
Ava gasps, then looks around as if waiting for someone from the Capitol to jump out and go, "Aha, got you!"
She clears her throat. "Well-"
The eldest Hawthorne continues, his voice growing in volume. "Why should I have to act like everything is perfect, when it's not?" He splays a hand out angrily. "Do you want me to pretend that the people in our District aren't starving and dying because of them?"
I step into the kitchen.
"Gale," I interrupt immediately.
Somehow he hasn't yet noticed me - probably because of how angry he is. He turns around and the expression on his face is hateful - a hate that is currently all consuming. I feel as it is directed towards me, the only worthy target within the vicinity.
"Miss Undersee," he says, his voice borderline disrespectful. I bristle at the honorifics attached, but know that in the days to come it will be better he address me as such, if he addresses me at all. "Did you needsomething?"
He is a servant; I am one of the people he serves. As much as I dislike what Gale is to me, I know he despises what I am to him even more so.
"You're doing a great job in the garden," I state casually. I give him an earnest smile. "Why not take a walk with me to admire the flowers?"
It is easy to see he wants to say no. "I have to work-"
Ava pinches the skin of his exposed forearm, scrunching up her nose in irritation. "Do not refuse a request from your Mistress," she scolds, then pushes him a few steps forward.
Our maid gives me a pleading look, then marches out of the kitchen.
Gale spares her retreating form a half-hearted glare. It is instantly turned on me at full force.
He doesn't move any closer; we are both still.
Finally, he yields and stiffly walks to my side. I breathe a sigh of relief.
I fall in step beside him, keeping a respectable distance. We circle around the garden, past the eager blooms and vines attached to the side of the house.
"The flowers look very healthy," I comment easily, as if I don't feel like curling up and dying at this very moment. I know that each step we take together is only furthering Gale's hatred.
This is a conversation that needs to be had - even if I don't want to be the one having it. I can stomach his hatred, as long as it means that everyone will be safe.
"Thanks," he says, the interaction forced.
We walk down a path that wanders farther away, into the middle of the garden, passing by an extravagant, stone water fountain.
Once our bodies are obscured by boxwood bushes, nearly five feet tall, I stop.
He does the same and when I turn to look at him, I notice his gray eyes are already trained on me. There is a look in them that makes me feel guilty - as if I am the sole reason for his misfortune.
"Gale, I hope you're smart enough to realize I might not have been the only one listening in on that conversation," I tell him, speaking lowly. I gesture back towards the tall mansion looming over the garden. "If you have something to say, I can assure you that this isn't the place to say it."
My whispered words garner his attention immediately. His silver eyes are cold and calculating as he stares at me. The lines of his face speak of scrutiny and suspicion.
We all have our roles to play. We all have our masks to wear, even Gale Hawthorne.
I don't wait to hear what he has to say in return, grabbing his arm and pulling him close. I feel as he balks at my touch. My heart pounds at his proximity and the feeling of warm flesh underneath my palm. Before he can move away, I whisper in his ear, my voice barely audible, "I don't care how much you hate me or my family - or how much you hate them - but please get better at hiding it."
It is clear who I am referencing - those in power, those with wealth, the Capitol, the government, President Snow.
"I don't care about hiding it," he growls, pushing me off of him. I stumble back. The dangerous flash in his eyes keeps me from daring to bridge the gap between us. "And I don't hate you." He shakes his head, lip curling up. "I can't hate someone that I don't give a damn about."
His words sting, but the sting leaves behind no pain. It is far too familiar.
"Do you care about Ava?" I ask. Gale doesn't answer; he stands motionless. "Who do you care about? Your family? Your friends?" I smooth out imaginary wrinkles in my dress. My hands betray the calm of my voice with a tremble.
The sound filling the silence between us seems unburdened, innocent. There is the chatter of birds and the wind whispering through the flowers around us.
Gale eventually speaks. "I don't need you to tell me something I already know." Some of the fire dies in him and he shakes his head. "I understand, alright? I'm not going to do anything stupid."
His expression is one of resignation - bitter and unwilling.
"That's good," I murmur, my fluttering heart finally steadying.
His expression hardens over once more. He snorts and shakes his head. "Just because I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth doesn't mean I'm ignorant. I can see how things are." I furrow my brow, wondering if that's really how he thinks of me - of how he thinks I see him. "The next time you feel the need to tell me how the world works - don't. I get it. I get it more than you ever could. So let me do my job and stay away from me, Undersee."
I stand for a moment, listening to his declaration with ears that hear each resentful word far too well. A part of me is hurt, but I'm not sure why. It's not like I expected anything else coming from Gale Hawthorne. He's not telling me this out of hate.
He's telling me this because it's the truth.
I take a deep breath, brushing my hair behind my ears. "Understood. I am truly sorry for taking up your time. I'll let you get back to your duties."
With that, I turn and walk away.
I don't look back.
The wrong ears listening to any of Gale's treasonous proclamations could mean an order handed down to the Mayor for his execution - for his family's executions as well. My father wouldn't have a choice but to obey, not without risking a repeat of the incident that happened with District Thirteen.
As harsh as Gale is towards me, and as uncomfortable as it makes me feel, I don't want anything bad to happen to him. I want to see him grow old and happy, with Katniss right by his side. I want to see their families' bellies full and their faces happy. I want to see them live.
In only a few short hours, the representatives will arrive. My father's words from seven years ago are as prominent a reminder as ever.
"Your actions reflect upon our household. And as of now, they reflect rather poorly."
I will be the representative of our household. I will be thrust directly into the spotlight, eyes on my every move and ears listening to my every word. I have to be welcoming, sparing no effort in keeping our visitors entertained and charmed. The impression made upon them, reflecting not only on me, but on our home and District, needs to be an overwhelmingly positive one.
I will convince them that the mask I wear is indeed the girl that is underneath. I will do those things even if I don't want to do any of those things. I don't want to move away. I don't want to marry a stranger.
Fear is heavy in my chest at the thought of what might come next. My bravado has been shaken. I'm no longer certain that I can do what is asked of me - what is asked of me to simply survive. The reality has become much harder to stomach since yesterday's news. The worst outcome possible now has a very good chance of becoming reality.
The man, who might one day be my husband, could be from the Capitol.
How can I be accepting of something that I don't want - something that I don't have the choice to reject? How am I supposed to act like I'm okay with all of this?
I feel guilty for asking Gale to do something that I myself am struggling with.
I don't want to act like the perfect daughter with the perfect life - not when everything in my life feels as if it is slowly falling apart. The hard exterior of my masks feels cracked more than ever. I don't know how long it can remain intact. I don't know how I can be expected to wear it for the rest of my life.
I think of the frivolous Capitol guests that have stayed in our home throughout the years. Their vanity and their greed are prominent characteristics that stand out to me. They see with eyes of gold, only searching for things of similar value and interest.
I can only assume my suitor is someone from a high class family, one who is born to marry someone of a similar position in life.
It is common to hear the officials of other Districts, specifically Capitol guests, complaining about how drab and unappealing our land seems compared to everywhere else in Panem. Our buildings and residents are the poorest of the poor, rundown and bare bone. Those are the words of foreigners that have only ever seen and set foot in the Town side of the District. If they actually bore witness to any part of the Seam, their opinions would be even more foul.
I use this thinking to settle my worries.
I only need to keep my mask intact for the duration of their stay. Whoever is interested in courting and securing my hand in marriage will likely turn tail and run after hearing, and seeing, the wasteland that is all of District Twelve. After that, I will never see them again.
I feel a little better, but not much.
Ava calls for tea. My heart still feels heavy in my chest, but I generously thank the maid for her bite. She smiles graciously, offering me a cup of the steaming liquid.
The tea tastes bitter, but it is familiar. I drink the whole thing, even requesting a second cup. It is bitter, but I find solace in it.
Even bitterness becomes tolerable, once it is familiar.
XXXXX
This chapter is a bit shorter than the rest, but I still hope you enjoyed it. Let me know what you think! I'm sorry for the delay, I've just graduated college recently so I had a lot going on in that respect! I promise I won't abandon my stories that I have going. (If in the horrible event that I do, I wouldn't just leave you guys without a clue. I would let you know, but that shouldn't happen!)
If you enjoyed this story, please follow, favorite, and/or review!