3rd February

I felt anxious walking to Muggle Studies this morning. I was painfully aware of the changes in my life and how they were affecting me. I had missed weeks of lessons and yes, I'd caught up on nearly all of my theory, but when I walked into Professor Burbage's classroom, it felt like the first day of school all over again.

"Welcome back." She said.

"I did the essays you asked me to do on the Kornilov affair and how it weakened the power of the Provisional Government and I've also finished the overview of the Russian Civil War of 1918." I told her, placing a pile of parchment on her desk, "I think I've completed all the notes on the Russian module. You can let me know if there's anything I've missed."

Professor Burbage simply stared at me, "I don't know how -"

"I was bored." I told her simply. I didn't wish to go into the ins and outs of what happened when I was in the hospital ward with five other seemingly permanently sleeping patients. Or how I was alone for the majority of the day, or how, even though this stuff was dry material, I was bored enough to do it to distract myself from the intense pain that came with surviving.

"Thank you." was her response as she flicked through my notes. This allotted class time was reserved for catching up on work and asking Burbage questions, not that I ever used this time to actually see her. But today I sat down at one of the desks and started looking at February's work on the French Revolution trying to forget the constant niggling pain in my left hand.

"There you are!" Ernie exclaimed as he walked into the classroom with Justin ten minutes later.

I glanced up at the two of them from the books spread around me, "Well, I did tell you that I'd be here… Why are you so shocked?" Upon viewing the looks on both their faces I said, "On second thoughts, don't answer that."

"We were just wondering…" Justin began, taking a seat opposite me.

Ernie continued, joining him, "… what happened?"

Of course that's how they lead the conversation…

"Tell me what you've heard and I'll tell you if it's the truth or a lie." I set down my quill, pushed back my parchment and clasped my hands together and rested them on the table, regarding the two of them with my full attention.

They looked at each other and Ernie took the plunge and went first, "There was a rumour going around that Bellatrix Lestrange murdered you."

"Half true, based on the fact that I'm sitting here, talking, living, breathing, not a ghost." I pursed my lips.

"Why didn't she succeed? I mean, she's quite proficient in unforgivable curses?" Justin mused.

"That isn't something I can say true or false to… You're dithering in the land of the unknown."

I watched as Justin formulated his next musing and made it a question, "There was a rumour that You-Know-Who was there and you fought him?"

"False. I didn't fight him."

"But you saw him?"

"True."

The two boys looked at each other, both pale and gobsmacked, "Did he order your death?"

"No." I said before adding, "As far as I'm aware."

"How are you still alive?"

I raised an eyebrow.

"Were you in St Mungo's?"

"Yes." I said, "This hasn't been a very good game of true or false… And it hasn't been very fun. I was hoping there was a rumour going around that I did something completely outrageous, like killing a bunch of Death Eaters or I blew up something in the Ministry or it was actually Draco who tried to kill me or something stupid."

Justin grabbed onto a sizeable amount of Ernie's robes and gave a tug, "I don't think she's interested in talking about it."

"True." I said, "Just the same as I love to talk about the years of abuse I suffered before I got my adoptive parents sent to muggle prison." I grabbed my quill and returned to the French Revolution, "I thought you guys would be a little more supportive."

"You're right, we're sorry…" Ernie said as he and Justin backed away slowly, "I'll em… see you later."

"Good of you to finally show your face at one of my lessons, Miss Pink."

"I couldn't die without seeing your beautiful face one last time, Professor." I sat down beside Hermione, feeling exhausted after the walk from Muggle Studies.

"I wish to speak to you after class regarding the extensive amount of extra work I wish for you to complete as part of your return to study plan." Snape sneered from the front of the classroom, making sure that everyone was paying attention to his attempt to humiliate me, "Almost dying isn't good enough to excuse you from your academic work."

I found myself massaging the pain which was now radiating from my left hand, "I look forward to it, Sir."

It was only then that he began to teach. But that didn't mean that he left me alone. Oh no, why would he do that?

"Turn to page two-hundred-and-sixty-five."

I opened the textbook to the beginning of the chapter on defensive spells.

"Miss Pink," he began, taking out his wand, so I did the same, under the table, "would you say you are familiar with the Shield Charm?" He shot a red light in my direction.

In my mind I yelled, 'Protego!' which wordlessly blocked his spell, "I wouldn't be alive if I wasn't."

He turned to Harry and smirked, sending the same red light in his direction. Harry had now managed to cast a shield charm soundlessly. He had certainly been practicing and had expected Snape's attempt at humiliating him, too. I think we were all getting far too used to it.

"It has come to my attention that many individuals working for the Ministry for Magic are unable to cast a simple shield charm," Snape began, speaking as though he was disgusted at the words escaping his mouth, "and I do not wish for all you dunderheads to join in their numbers." He looked around the room ensuring that he had the attention of every single student, not that anyone would have dared have a lapse in concentration, "Miss Pink." his eyes stopped on me, "Stand."

I followed his order. Even though my body was telling me otherwise.

"Inform your classmates of the various categories of the shield charm."

"The Shield Charm protects the caster with an invisible shield that reflects spells and blocks physical entities. Conjurations may sometimes rebound directly off it back towards the caster, or in other cases, may ricochet off in other directions or dissipate as soon as they hit the shield." I recited word for word from the textbook, I winked down at Hermione before continuing, "Protego duo, is a more powerful shield; it deflects spells. Next up is Protego horribilis which is considered the most powerful of the Shield Charms, it is used as a protective enchantment against anything approaching the protected area, and against any Dark magic, except the Killing Curse, which is unblockable with any Shield Charm as it passes through, leaving holes in the shield. By extended use of the shield penetration spell, the magical shield can eventually be broken down. Then you've got Protego Maxima, which when cast with Fianto Duri and Repello Inimicum conjures up an almost impregnable magical protection barrier. People who are out of the shield can't see and hear the wizards or witches that are protected." I felt a pain shoot up my leg, which I had to shake off inconspicuously as I spoke, but it was hard to miss the jolt I made.

Snape sneered, "What about Protego totalum?"

"It's a protective enchantment, used to shield a certain area or building for an extended period of time. It's used to stop and repel any intruder and/or spell from the protected area, except the most powerful curses, including the Unforgivable Curses. Sir-?" I tried excusing myself from class.

"I'll excuse whatever it is that you were doing with your leg, because now you're going to stop," Snape stared at me until I placed my foot firmly on the ground, even though the pain was growing progressively stronger, "And now you're going to explain Protego Diabolica."

I stood still for a second, pain shooting through my body, but I had to control it to think. Hermione's hand shot up in the air beside me and I held onto the desk, digging my fingers into the wood to steady myself, "It's a dark charm that allows the caster to create a protective ring of black fire around themselves. It incinerates their enemies if they come into contact with it and leaves their allies unharmed."

"Sir, I think -" Hermione's hand was still waving uncontrollably in the air.

"Hospital Wing, Miss Pink."

"All due respect Sir," I said, "I don't think I'd make it to the Hospital Wing now and there is absolutely nothing Madam Pomfrey can do – aghhh – for the pain," I was seeing spots in my vision, I took a seat and massaged my leg, "I'll be fine, carry on."

Hermione gave me a gentle nudge, which sent another wave of pain from my upper left arm, "You're really pale and you're shaking… Can I get you anything?"

I ignored her. It took everything I had to remain conscious; the intensity of this pain came on suddenly and when I tried to get out of class, my request was interrupted. It took Snape too long to get his head out of his arse to recognise my needs. I just sat there with my eyes closed, bringing myself out of the DADA classroom to my 'happy place' as I ferociously massaged my leg. It was worse than cramp, but it was getting better the more I rubbed. Or I at least convinced myself it was.

When I opened my eyes again, I noticed a number of faces lurking at me. One of them was Madam Pomfrey, who was angrily telling everyone to give me space.

"Your blood pressure was dangerously low," she said.

"I know." Was my response, "I was never going to risk standing up, I've already fainted in Professor Snape's presence before, I don't think I could deal with him getting another reward in the staff room." I focused my vision to find Snape's face and smirked, covering my mouth innocently with my shaking hand, "Oops, I wasn't meant to tell people that. Suppose that's what you get for picking on me."

"You've just earned yourself a week of detention, Miss Pink." he barked, "You vindictive little girl."

Madam Pomfrey had me poked and prodded by this stage, glaring at Snape for his retaliation to my comment, "You are not well enough to be here." She said, "Hospital. Now." She lifted my bag, packing away my books, before turning to face the front of the room, "As for you, Professor, Miss Pink will not be attending the detentions as her health is my responsibility and you were given strict instructions and you couldn't resist, could you?"

I sighed, holding up my hands. "Don't worry, Professor. I'll see you at my soonest convenience." I said, pushing myself up from the seat, feeling a little wobbly, "Or you know where to find me. Either works." I put weight on my sore leg and turned, not even the slightest bit annoyed to be leaving twenty minutes into the lesson.

"I heard you were back! I hope you don't mind me visiting?" Mr Junis entered the Hospital Wing towards the end of lunchtime, and when I didn't immediately reject his presence he continued, "You're looking remarkably well for someone to have had that poison running through their veins. That nerve agent is designed to kill, by a very slow and painful death."

I nodded, pressing my lips together in a very forced smile, "I'm a medical miracle."

"It was my team that took on your case," he said rather proudly, "I didn't know it was you, until after you had been discharged and Jensen came down to congratulate us."

"Madam Pomfrey?" I called out, "my left hand is doing that thing again."

"Do you mind?" Junis reached out and took my hand, performing spells on it, I could see a hologram of sorts appear above showing the insides of my hand – blood flow, tendons, muscles, bones you name it. The most important thing he was looking at was the pulsing nerve, "That nerve," he pointed to the affected area that had caught my attention with his wand, "it's inflamed." He told Madam Pomfrey, who wasn't hiding her irritation, "You've got an inflamed nerve." He told me as though I hadn't already heard his revelation.

Madam Pomfrey snapped at him, "Yes, Mr Junis we are both aware of the acute problems Miss Pink has with inflamed nerves." She gave him some serious side eye before continuing, "Would you mind stepping outside the perimeter of the curtain so that I may treat my patient?"

That was him told.

She rolled her eyes at me, "Men who think they can take over… Sorry, I got him out so I could look at your arm."

"Fine." I held out my arm for her to do with as she pleased as I looked in the other direction. She numbed it and did a small procedure to reduce the pain and general discomfort. Safe to say I wasn't going to Alchemy today.

"Are you able to tell me Golpalott's Third Law, Miss Pink?" Slughorn asked me after he commanded quietness in his classroom. I had arrived a few minutes late, probably looking a lot paler than he was comfortable with and I told him explicitly that I wasn't allowed to do any practical work today. My left arm was slowly regaining feeling and right now it was just pins and needles, "I was informed that you completed the work I set for you?"

"Yes, Sir," I said, "Golpalott's Third Law is a law for making antidotes, suggesting that the antidote for a blended poison – that is a poison created by mixing several other poisons together – cannot simply be created by finding the antidotes to each separate poison in the blended whole and mixing them together."

He nodded, "Well done, take ten points for Gryffindor."

"Thank you, Sir."

"So in the last number of weeks, we have been identifying a potion's ingredients by Scarpin's Revelaspell, not selecting the antidotes to those ingredients individually, but finding the added component which will, by an almost alchemical process, transform the different elements. I will oversee you after classes to catch you up when we both find a time that suits. For today, you may work with Miss Granger on a purely observational basis."

I nodded.

"Everyone else – pick your poison!" Slughorn announced giddily, holding several vials in the air.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, feeling my forehead with her hand upon her return, "You don't look great."

"I don't feel great, but a third year Puff came into the wing vomiting and I couldn't listen to it anymore, so I'm under strict instructions to sit and listen and observe."

Hermione squirmed at the thought, "Well…" she tried to clear the thought of vomit from her mind by changing the topic, "We've had poisons in vials to find cures for," she held up her chosen vial with a clear liquid inside, "I guess I'll just show you what I do."

Hermione soundlessly separated the components of the poison and identified them one by one, writing them down for me for me to see her working out and how she linked elements together and found a combined antidote – tackling three in one.

"Do you see the amount of potassium in this poison?" Hermione whispered excitedly to me, "this one would be enough to give someone heart failure, I'm almost certain. So if we counteract the potassium-containing elements with a potassium blocker, we should be able to prevent the heart problems."

"Right." I said, staring at the elements in the air, seeing double. I clutched my left arm and gasped. I was really sweaty. This is what I was warned about.

"Are you sure you're alright?"

Draco placed an arm under mine to prop me up, "Come on, I'm taking you back to the Hospital Wing." He gave me a gentle shake, "Hold onto me, Kathryn."

"My left arm," I told him, desperately trying to flex my fingers to regain feeling, but there was no movement at all, it was too painful, "I need to go to Madam Pomfrey -"

"I know," he said, trying not to panic, switching to the other side he pulled me up to my feet, "if you get any paler, we'll have a repeat of our first year…"

"Draco, I can't – I – it's happening again, isn't it?" I couldn't get a breath in as I panicked, my legs were like lead.

Someone touched my left arm, taking my weight and I felt the world quickly blacken; the pain was awful and I felt like I had no control over my body.

5th February

"I don't know what I'm going to do with you." I heard George's voice within the darkness, "I know you're awake, so you just need to open your eyes and stop pretending to sleep in the hope that you hear some gossip."

"I gave her a powerful sedative; it might take her a while to wake up."

I groaned, knowing the sound of Jensen's voice all too well, "Oh f*ck off, I'm not back in St Mungo's again, am I?"

"I told you she could hear us."

"Have you amputated my arm?" I asked.

"Open up your eyes Katy and have a look, baby."

I took a deep breath, "I can't. Not yet. I have a terrible headache, it's too bright."

I felt a warm hand slip into mine, "Kathryn?"

"Yes, Jensen?"

"I'm going to give you something for the headache. We've closed the curtains, can you open your eyes for me, I need to see your eyes for my examination, make sure there weren't any post-operative complications."

I gave his hand a squeeze, pulling myself up into a seated position, opening my eyes, "Hold up. Post-op? What have you done to me?" It took a while for my eyes to adjust to the world around me, to the hospital ward, despite the light being minimal. I saw a new clean bandage on my left arm.

"I had to re-work the nerves in your arm so that they would function properly without giving you constant pains in your left hand." he answered.

"But I can't feel my arm or my hand!"

He nodded, "I'm hopeful your arm function will return in time, so long as you keep taking your nerve regeneration potion."

I glared at him, "You took my nerves out, didn't you? I'm going to have to go through hell again to get feeling back in my arm, haven't I?"

Jensen nodded. He tentatively raised his wand with the Lumos spell to look at the backs of my eyes, "You no longer have increased intra-cranial pressure, which is a relief."

"Look, I promise I didn't overdo it. I went to class and I got this pain and I couldn't shift it." I pleaded for him to understand, "I knew it would be stupid for me to try and get to Madam Pomfrey because I was too far gone and needed to ride it out. It wasn't time for analgesia so there wasn't anything she could do for me…"

"I believe you." he said, "I've increased your prescribed dosage of analgesia again."

I turned to look at George, "They must have you on speed dial or something."

"Speed dial?"

"It's a muggle thing." I shrugged my shoulders, "Thanks for always being here when I wake up."

He smiled, "Thankfully you weren't on death's door this time, so I was able to get some sleep last night. So that doesn't give you the excuse to tell me I look like shit."

"It's nice to see your face." I sat up, unable to feel my left arm at all, and reached over to him with my right, running my fingers through his hair. I kissed him.

Jensen cleared his throat.

"We're not Bill and Fleur, I was merely showing George my ongoing appreciation for his presence in my life." I told him.

Jensen shook his head, "I hope you're nicer to me when it comes to you getting a job in here as a Healer. And it would also be helpful for you to be nice to your patients, too."

I lifted up my left arm with my right and dropped it like a dead weight onto the bed again, "Forgive me for not being very amused at having to regrow my nerves again. Last time was bad enough. And I get to spend more time here, spending the majority of my time alone, missing school work, which means that there is less chance of me actually getting the grades to become a Healer, which is probably your intention, so you don't have to see me every day. But you should know, deep down, I'm really not a bitch."

He smirked, "I know. After dinner I'm discharging you back to the care of Madam Pomfrey, returning you back to your classes tomorrow morning with specific terms and agreements."

I raised an eyebrow, "You have my attention."

He handed me a list, which said, very specifically 'no caffeine' at the top. This was followed by 'at least one hour of sleep in the middle of each day' and 'medications to be taken at strict times, no exceptions'.

"Fine." I said, "And the self-administered medication?"

"Will be given to you before discharge." He sat down, "And there is something else we need to talk about before you leave. Do you remember what happened when you were in potions class?"

"I haven't had a panic attack in a long time."

He leaned back in the seat, "There is no need for you to get defensive with me, Kathryn, I merely want to assess you and facilitate you with more time with Maura if you need it."

"What happened?" George asked me.

"I freaked out. We were working with poisons in Potions and how to find antidotes and Junis was all too keen to talk about my poison before that and I felt like I was going to die again. I felt like when my arm started to hurt that I was dead because you told me -" I took a steadying breath, "too many stimuli all at once… Everything happened all at once…"

Jensen took my left arm and took off the plaster – my arm was black and blue with a bright red scar down the centre. I had to look at it, he wouldn't let me go back to Hogwarts without looking at it. It was oozing and therefore I was at serious risk of infection, "You need to get this re-dressed regularly."

"It was on the list." I tapped my pyjama pocket, "Are you going to give me a sling so that my arm doesn't just hang there?"

"If that's what you wish? Or would you prefer I use a sticking charm?"

"Sling, it'll be easier for me to work with, to keep dry and protect it."

He nodded, "I'm glad you're taking this seriously. I'll come back later for your final check-up and medications."

When Jensen disappeared I looked to George. I told him that I was sorry. He told me that I didn't need to apologise and that he was glad of an excuse to get away from Fred who hadn't stopped talking about Angelina since they went on a date on Monday.

"You know the way you always ask me for inspiration?"

"You have a product idea?"

"I need you to make me something where I can block out the pain, like music or something so that only I can hear it, without me having to use my ability, obviously."

"Oh my goodness, what happened to your arm? Are you okay?" Hermione looked me up and down and tried to hold back on the further questions that were popping into her head as she stood in front of me.

I rolled my eyes, "I am the definition of just fine."

George put an arm around me, "Stop it, Katy! You wonder why I felt the need to come here with you?"

"The only reason I'm acting like this is because you're here, babysitting me." I turned to face him, "I love you, you know I love you, but I don't need you to carry everything for me."

"And you know that I love you, but you don't have any function in your left arm and you won't for quite some time, so I'm giving you the support that you don't want but you do need." He helped me with undoing the clasp of my travelling cloak.

"Oh gosh I'm useless." I gaped at him, "How in the name of the wee man am I meant to get dressed like this?" I placed my right hand on my face and sighed. George tried not to laugh, no doubt imagining something like undressing me as I am unable to redress myself, and I gave him a good shove with my left shoulder, "Go home. I'll see you tomorrow."

He pouted, "Aw come on, Katy…" he sat down and got serious for a minute, "I know this is a shock for you, but honestly, Jensen said it was best for you and will give you the best chance to be able to operate your hand normally in future. I was just thinking about you and what you'd want when I made the decision. You did make me your proxy, remember?"

I closed my eyes. I was annoyed by this whole situation, but I couldn't be annoyed at George, especially when he drops everything for me and looks at me like that, "I know, I'm sorry…" I spoke quietly in submission.

He kissed my forehead, "You'll work it out, you always do. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" he turned to leave.

"Wait!" I said in a slightly panicked voice.

"What's wrong?"

I closed the gap between us, placing my head on his chest, wrapping my right arm around him as best I could. He held me tight, doing that thing that only he can do, making me feel safe and secure. I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him softly, "See you tomorrow."

It was just before curfew when I clambered awkwardly into the Gryffindor Common Room with Hermione. I was quickly coming to terms with the idea of having one non-functioning arm, navigating my way through the mass of second years practicing for a transfiguration test, towards the clump of sixth years.

"Right, listen up, cause I'm only saying this once," I spoke loud and clear, my right hand on my hip, "I'm just back from St Mungo's. I've lost function in my left arm for the time being. I am on a regime of medications to help the feeling return. Yes, it was Bellatrix who did this to me and no, I'm not alright but I'm here because I'm pretty sure being with you lot is better than being left on my own."

There were a few nods.

Neville placed a hand on my shoulder, before heading up to bed, "I'm glad you're back."

Harry approached me, "I'm glad you weren't here for DADA today, Snape was on a rampage."

"I can still use a wand and have use of this fist, if necessary." I told him and Hermione, "Apparently there was a problem with the regrowth of the nerves, which is why I was having issues with – well, basic functioning – Jensen has removed all the nerves and I get to regrow them all over again over the next few weeks." I handed over the list of explicit instructions, "I also realise I'm going to be a nightmare to be around, so I thank you both for your ongoing and unceasing friendship as I recover enough to murder that woman once and for all."

Harry smirked, "I'll stand back and throw chocolate at you at regular intervals?"

"Perfect." I smiled back, "I'll also try and keep you both up to date on all my appointments and -"

"Nap times and drug times?" Harry joked.

"You're going to miss so much class…" Hermione examined my schedule for the next week, her hand on her cheek. I may have seen a bead of sweat forming on her brow. Hermione would not cope if she were in my shoes.

I nodded, "At least I'm not stuck in St Mungo's again. Or with Fleur."

"No one would want to be stuck with Phlegm," Ginny joined the conversation, "Unless you're demented like Ron. Nice speech, by the way. I would have started the conversation with 'Right bitches, listen up', but I think the message got through either way."

7th February

I was only in Transfiguration class for one of the two periods allotted for this morning before going to see Maura. Our therapy sessions were more frequent now, considering everything I'm dealing with, between almost dying, my panic attack, my current injuries and the stress of catching up on school work. (Not to mention the ongoing issues within my friendship group…) When I came back I had my catch-up lesson with Professor Sprout where I pretended to be interested in the greenery. Following that was a quick lunch and my hour long nap, charms class, my check-up with Jensen, dinner, work and finally, bed.

10th February

I have been summoned to Snape's office this evening. No warning, just a letter handed to me by a shaky first year who hadn't handed in their homework. I pondered to myself as I plodded down the many staircases towards the dungeons where Snape's dingy office was. I was in no particular hurry to be accused of whatever he was going to accuse me of. Or he was going to actually give me those detentions he threatened when I nearly passed out in his class this day last week.

"Why have you not been in my classes?" he asked as soon as I entered the small, dark, grimy room.

"My health has had to take precedence lately," I explained, "I'm under strict instructions from my Healer, which have resulted in me missing your lesson. Last Wednesday I was in St Mungo's during your class, waking up from the procedure undertaken on my arm. No matter how much I'd love to attend your classes, I'd much rather I didn't have another stay in hospital."

"The Dark Lord and Bellatrix are unaware of your surviving. It has been agreed that we should keep your recovery a secret for as long as possible."

I nodded, "I don't fancy having to go through that again any time soon." I indicated my limp arm, "she already maimed me."

"Is it true…" Snape began speaking slowly, as though trying not to mince his words, "That you caused Bellatrix's injuries prior to you receiving yours?"

"Yeah?"

There was a flicker of surprise in his otherwise unreadable facial features, "She is not without complications in her own recovery. You are a far more powerful witch than has been anticipated." He paused.

"What? Just say it."

"I have reason to believe that she was jealous," Snape continued speaking painfully slow, as though he didn't want to tell me this, but had been ordered to, "I do not wish for you to become arrogant, but I do think it would be within your best interests to know that I believe Bellatrix to have considered introducing you to the Dark Lord to have been a mistake. The significance of where you were seated, the offer of being branded -"

I swallowed, "Do you think I would have been better off? Having the Dark Mark?"

"I think Bellatrix would have tried to have killed you either way. Your young blood, closeness to Harry Potter and despite how much this pains me to admit, but your knack for Occlumency and communicating under pressure were all threats to her position and power. When she finds out of your existence, which you know is only a matter of time, she will hunt you down."

"I know."

"So you know how important it is for you to attend my lessons."

I let out a deep breath, "Look, I know, I really do, but I can't go if it'll kill me and you seem hell bent on making my life a misery in your classroom -"

"You need to learn," anger was in his voice now, "you need to be ready for anything."

I tapped my arm which was in the sling, "I also need to be able to fight when the time comes and I'd quite like the use of both my arms, which requires therapy of differing kinds. And you know I'm doing the work, it's just not in your presence."

"Is what you said about Dumbledore's Army true?"

I looked at him with an unreadable face and said, "You already know the answer to that."

"You should consider restarting some form of training." He said shortly, "You are dismissed."

22nd February

Despite the pain of re-growing nerves, the constant trips to the Hospital Wing and appointments with Jensen or Maura, life was slowly giving me a sense of being 'normal'. My arm was slowly regaining feeling, and I was learning to grip big things like a glass of juice. I attended and participated in my first apparition lesson this morning, which really was a lot of forced staring into a hoop, feeling like an idiot.

I didn't have anything medical planned for today so I dedicated myself to my friends. I know I've been so distant lately with everything, so an effort had to be made. I entered the Great Hall and spied Harry and Hermione eating lunch after getting my dose of medication for the afternoon.

"Hey you two!" I approached them cautiously.

"Don't you usually eat with Madam Pomfrey?" Hermione enquired, there was nothing malicious about her statement, but it was rather said out of concern.

I nodded, "I really just fancied spending some time with you both. I feel like I haven't actually had the chance to talk to either of you with everything going on, so if you can ignore the pulses of pain I'm getting up my arm, can I please have lunch with you?"

"Of course!" Harry tapped the seat beside him, "I've actually been wanting to talk to you."

"Shoot."

"Do you know what Malfoy's been doing?" he asked me, "I can never find him on the Marauder's Map and he, Crabbe and Goyle seem to be spending more time apart."

I shook my head, "I don't have a clue."

He explained, "Don't you think it's weird? He's always with Crabbe and Goyle! D'you think he's leaving school like you are?"

I shook my head, "I have extenuating circumstances… Draco's had plenty of opportunities to talk to me if he wanted to. I'm not going to ask him about it."

"Do you think he's up to something? Is he acting weird in your classes? Or is he -?"

"Harry." I said sternly, "You already know the answer I'm going to give you."

"You don't know and you're not going to ask?" he grumbled.

Hermione nodded to me before giving Harry a smug look, "I told you she wouldn't ask. You have to remember, Malfoy helped save her life. I don't know why you're so obsessed with him."

I regarded my two friends. There was a lot more going on in my friendship group than I'm aware of. And not in a good way, either. They started bickering. It didn't stop for quite some time, so I excused myself.

I went to Slughorn's office to catch up on some work I missed and he offered to go through the poison potions with me in his classroom. It was a very important part of our teachings and I could never fully focus during his classes to learn because my mind always drifted to my own experience of being poisoned. That then resulted in trying to suppress a panic attack, being in a lot of pain or having to make another appointment with Maura. I think Slughorn could sense this as he explained how there were similar properties between Loligne, Hellipot and Junnifew.

"I don't want to offend you or anything, Professor, but… did you teach my mother? Bellatrix?" I asked, out of the blue. This question had been on my mind and I needed to get it off my chest.

He suddenly drew himself up to full height and looked like he was clenching, "Did Dumbledore put you up to this?"

"What? No!" I shook my head quickly, "I just want to know."

"I did."

"What was she like?" I swallowed, not wanting the same reaction as before. I just had this desire to know that I'm not like her. That I'm not going to turn into her. That I'm not going to poison people or use the Killing Curse for the fun of it.

"I don't think we should be having this conversation…"

"I guess not…" I said, resigning myself to not knowing, "She tried to kill me and she chose poison and I wish I knew why... I haven't been able to concentrates in these classes... It feels too close to home."

Slughorn sat down on the stool beside me sympathetically, his huge body reverberating like an echo, I could see his chin fat wobble with the force with which he sat, "It was actually your father and grandfather who were gifted potioneers. I knew them rather well. I cannot pretend to know you or hazard a guess as to why Bellatrix chose poison, but what I do know is that you lack a certain quality your parents and family members before them possessed." Then he went back to teaching as though I hadn't interrupted him. He didn't wish to speak about my parents, nor did he wish to surmise, his job was to teach me and that is what he did.

"Ginny, save me from -" I looked in the direction of Harry and Hermione who were arguing and scanned my eyes across to Ron and Lavender's latest flirtations, "that."

"I got you." she linked her arm into mine, "See you later, Dean. Sister time."

I nodded to Dean and he saluted me. He has now learnt that sister time is very important and cannot be interrupted. I don't mind him now, of course I'd rather have Harry as my actual brother, but Dean isn't a bad lad. Ginny just isn't used to chivalry with her six brothers!

The two of us walked the corridors for a while. Ginny talked for the majority of the time or should I say ranted. So much is going on in both our lives, with her it's OWLs and boys and Quidditch and her best friend almost dying. (I did get the chance to apologise for that.) It transpired she needed this time as much, if not more, than I did. She just didn't seem content, there was something subconsciously bugging her that she didn't realise. I'll have to keep an eye on her.

1st March

"Kit-Kat! Hermione! Come quick! It's Ron!"

I set down my piece of buttery toast, grabbed my bag and ran after a breathless Ginny towards the Hospital Wing. Ron was lying unconscious on one of the beds. Madam Pomfrey hurried around the him, performing spells. Harry was standing a few paces back with McGonagall and a bumbling Slughorn, all three white as a sheet.

I dropped my stuff on the bed beside his, rolling my sleeves up, "What can I do?"

"He's been poisoned…" Madam Pomfrey looked a lot paler closer up, "Can you help him drink this?" she handed me a medicine cup, "I'm waking him up, he's going to be in a lot of pain and frightened."

I sat on the edge of the bed and placed my left hand behind Ron's neck to lift it up, "Hey you." I said as his eyes flickered in panic, waking up from his induced sleep. I could feel his rapid pulse in my fingers touching his ashen, clammy skin, "It's okay we've got you! I need you to drink this for me, it'll make you feel better."

Ron shakily grabbed my left arm and held on tight as he desperately tried to communicate, but couldn't. His breathing was erratic. I could see that that terrified him as he sat himself up.

I stroked his hair, "Ron I need you to drink this for me, it's a potion to make you feel better. Trust me. You've been poisoned."

Behind me Hermione was whimpering loudly.

"Out." Madam Pomfrey pointed to the door, "All of you, out."

I didn't watch as Harry, Hermione, Ginny and McGonagall all left the Hospital Wing. Ron's eyes had locked onto mine in a moment of realisation; he was looking into the eyes of someone who had been through this before. I tipped the liquid down his throat, pressing the cup to his cyanosed lips. His grip on my left arm was still tight as he grunted.

"Where does it hurt?" I asked him, but I don't think he understood, "We're going to do everything we can to help you, okay? Madam Pomfrey is going to put you back to sleep now and you won't feel a thing." He gave my arm a squeeze and I took the next medicine cup from Madam Pomfrey and smiled at him, stroking the back of his head gently as I helped him sit forward, "I'll see you when you wake up."

For the next couple of hours, I sat with Ron helping to monitor him, practicing my scanning spells. I could see that the poison attacked his lungs, causing a rapid build-up of fluid in his alveoli, where air exchange happens. He essentially couldn't get a breath in and was choking to death or suffocating, depending on what way you look at it. I had minutes before death, Bellatrix ensured I suffered. This person wanted a quick death for the intended victim.

"He's definitely out of immediate danger, but he's got a long road to recovery. We just have to hope he wakes up without neurological deficits, but by the sounds of it, Potter got the Bezoar into his mouth promptly and saved his life." Madam Pomfrey remarked, placing a hand on my shoulder, "Thank you for your help. But now I've got to see that you get all of your medications and some rest. I can't expect sleep from you this afternoon…"

I reached over and stroked Ron's cheek, "I'd better chat to Harry, 'Mione and Gin. And Molly -"

"Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall will speak to Mr and Mrs Weasley, you don't need to concern yourself with that – and George would want you to take your medications on time." Madam Pomfrey laid out my potions and capsules with a drink and sandwiches, taking a seat beside me, "Don't look at me like that, you know I'm right."

I did as I was told. After, I stepped outside the ward and quickly spoke to my three worried friends, explaining what was happening in his body and that Madam Pomfrey was hopeful. As my adrenaline levels lowered and the potions kicked in, I felt myself getting very drowsy. Hermione didn't say a thing as she sat on the ground, pale and unmoving. Ginny hugged me tight and Harry explained that the poison was in a bottle of mead that Slughorn had intended to give Dumbledore for Christmas.

"Why would Slughorn want to harm Ron? Surely no one wanted to kill Dumbledore? Was Slughorn the actual target, we do know that he's being recruited by Death Eaters and I told you about that memory -" he spoke vaguely as Ginny was listening intently, "Why?"

"I don't know…" I said feeling my eyes closing, "I just came out to give you an update before I conk out for the next hour. You should probably try and eat something, it's going to be a long day…"