18th April

Tonks knocked over Maura's coat stand on entering the office, causing her to then fling her arms out to try and recover herself, so she knocked the plant pot over as well.

"Sorry." She grimaced, flicking her wand to have everything put back into place again, "I brought cake!" she carelessly swung the bag, narrowly missing a number of objects, before placing it onto the table to display a Victoria Sponge, "You see, Kat and I, we do cake."

Maura smiled, "I'll get the coffee."

The three of us sat on separate seats. I was in the bucket chair, with my legs crossed and a cushion resting on my knee. My cake remained on the table as I clutched at my coffee cup for warmth and comfort. Coffee had always been a great comfort to me, and the truth is, today I felt uncomfortable in Tonks' presence, a feeling I was not altogether familiar with. There was so much that had happened from the last time we spoke. She talked to me about killing herself, about a double suicide – the two of us, together, making a point to wizard kind. But I knew how detrimental that would be; that's the notion I'd clung to all this time: there are people in this world who depend on me, who love me, who would suffer if I died. Same goes for her. My meeting in here a few days back with George was the real turning point. He was in floods of tears at the thought of losing me, begging me to fight to save myself, to think of a brighter future, where we're together with our own home and kids and blissful happiness. He wasn't angry at Tonks, how could he, when she's battling her own demons? He just wished that she would talk to someone who could help. Today he got that wish, as Tonks said that she would take the first steps if I was here, too.

I had no doubt that she was nervous. Her booted foot was bobbing up and down and she was shovelling cake into her mouth like it was going out of fashion. Then she proceeded to spill a tablespoon worth of coffee out of her cup as she nudged it setting her plate down, sending her fork flying and clanging on the floor.

Maura broke the ice, and the healing began.

"Kathryn, in preparation for this session today, I asked you to write a letter to Tonks, would you mind reading that now?" Maura asked, "Tonks, it is important that as Kathryn reads that you listen carefully to what she has to say."

Tonks and I both nodded. Nervously, I began reading,

Hey T,

It's been a while since I've written you a letter. I've missed it. I've missed you. When we met, we instantly clicked and I knew that I'd be able to trust you with anything and I think you felt the same way. I know that things have been tough for you lately - I've been through the pain and the suffering with you. I felt it like it was my own. That afternoon, after you met Draco, and you confessed to me that you'd thought about ending your life, that broke me into a million pieces. You had me losing hope in myself, for my future, for everything. You brought me down and unleased and re-surfaced all of my anxieties, worries and concerns that I had been ignoring for so long in a bid to cope. I felt like I was surrounded by Dementors and all the joy was sucked out of my life. I could see no end to either of our suffering.

A few days back, I had, what I can only describe as, a massive panic attack when I was trying to confront my fears. I was hallucinating, on top of my usual symptoms and I wasn't aware of what my body was doing. For my own health and wellbeing, I was put to sleep, to rest and regenerate. When I woke I heard your voice. I heard your concern and placing blame on yourself. Please know that I don't blame you. I love you and I want the best for you. But you've really got to start caring for yourself, self-love is the best love and being kind to yourself is the best gift you can give. You're stuck in a rut right now, but it's time for you to get out of it. You've got to make a decision here, to fight for your man this one last time or pack up and move on. You can't live in limbo any longer, it's not healthy. There is help out there, you just need to ask for it. There are people who love you and care for you; talk to them, be honest with them about how you're feeling and don't be afraid to open up and show your vulnerabilities. You are the one person who can change how you feel. Choose yourself for once. Don't fall into the chasm I stumbled into; the climb back out hurts a lot more than if I just dodged the thing in the first place. I believe in you, I always have.

Know that I love you and I'm just trying to help.

Your little sis, Kathryn.

How I managed to get through the letter and hold it together, I will never know. But I think I got through to Tonks. She got up and held me tight. She thanked me and we, with the help of Maura, talked about the future and what we could do to help ourselves. There really is no care like self-care.

21st April

"Morning!" I said at breakfast when I sat down beside Hermione, opposite Harry and Ron, "Miss me?"

Hermione dropped her knife and fork, "When did you get back?"

"Just there now," I explained, "I got cleared to return to Hogwarts yesterday afternoon, had Molly make a fuss over me yesterday evening followed by a quiet night in with the boys and well… here I am."

"Do you feel -?" Ron stopped midsentence.

I leaned forwards, encouraging him, "It's okay, you can ask."

He looked a little sheepish before asking, "Do you feel ready to be back here?"

I smiled, "I feel so much better than I did, but no matter how much I'd love to stay at home, it's important for my recovery that I do get on with normal life again. It's going to be weird not seeing Maura every day." I shrugged my shoulders, "But one thing I'm anxious about is DADA with Snape this morning. I hope he goes easy on me."

"We'll be with you," Harry said, "besides, his favourite person to mock is me. Are you ready for this afternoon?"

"I haven't performed much magic in a few weeks…" I scratched my head, "But I'll give it a go. I'll be able to retake it with you when you turn 17, right?"

Harry smiled, "Of course. Hey – I was wondering… Have you spoken to Malfoy?"

There was a sudden tenseness in the air between the four of us. Hermione was annoyed at Harry for asking and both Ron and Harry looked hesitantly in my direction awaiting my response, "No, I haven't… That's probably another reason I'm feeling a little…" I held my hand up across the table and moved it from side to side, "about DADA. But I've spent a lot of time talking about him but haven't actually talked to him." I looked down at my watch, "I've got to go, I've another meeting about work I've to catch up on. I'll see you lot later."

"Miss Pink," Snape said as I entered his classroom, "I was wondering when you'd show up to my class again." The rest of the class were still arriving, but I did catch eyes with Draco, who was seemingly unable to keep his surprised yet forlorn gaze off me.

I nodded courtly and took my seat beside Hermione, trying my very best to become a beige person.

"So I see the nut-job has returned." Pansy Parkinson remarked upon entering the classroom, proudly taking her seat next to Draco, who gave her the dirtiest of looks before ignoring her further pleads for his attention.

"Don't pay her any notice." Hermione scoffed, placing a few leaves of parchment on the desk in front of me, "You can borrow my notes. Snape collected our second essay on Dementors last class."

"Miss Granger, I will instruct my student." Snape snapped, interrupting Hermione's hurried whispers, "When is your appointment to review your studies, Miss Pink?"

I grabbed my diary and looked for Snape's name, "This afternoon, whenever I get back from taking my Apparition Test."

"Very well." He said, "In the meantime, you are to take notes from the second half of the chapter on Dementors in silence as I teach the rest of your classmates. You can do so without talking or interrupting, I assume?"

I nodded, taking out my quill and getting started on the mound of catch-up work which was only beginning to pile up. I had already met with Professors Burbage and Flitwick this morning, thankfully they had been kind enough to give me long extensions to get the work completed and submitted. I knew from the words they said like 'conscientious' and 'self-aware' that they had been in contact with Maura. I really can't afford to stress myself out at the minute. In fact, I'm trying to be so laid back that I'm horizontal! Me being here is the first step, though I'm not particularly sure I wish to be here. I wish that the work was the thing that caused me anguish, but it wasn't, it was those who surround me.

Keep your head down, Kathryn. Keep it down.

"Hey you three," I said, holding my cloak over my arm, the sun was out and blue skies were emerging overhead, "beautiful weather, don't you think?" I sat up on one of the segments of wall, reaching my legs up to rest my feet against the ascending archway, "McGonagall and I had lunch, since our meeting ran on."

Hermione rolled her eyes at Ron, "It's not Lavender." She said wearily as he stood out from behind her. This was new.

"Harry Potter?" the blonde girl whom Ron had been hiding from, held out a letter for Harry, "I was asked to give you this." She said before quickly taking her leave.

"Thanks…" he said, though I doubt she heard, "Dumbledore said we wouldn't be having any more lessons until I got the memory –" he looked to me, "there have been no new developments."

The frustration in Hermione's face said it all, "Maybe he wants to check on how you're doing?" she suggested.

But Harry's face whenever he unrolled the parchment showed surprise, followed by a mild concern, "Look at this," he handed the letter over.

It was from Hagrid. Aragog, the spider that almost murdered Harry, Ron and me back in our second year was dead. He's going to be buried this evening and Hagrid was wondering if we'd nip down, because he can't face it alone.

"I -"

"Oh for heaven's sake," Hermione handed the letter to Ron.

Ron's eyes widened, "He's mental!" he said furiously, "That thing told his mates to eat the three of us," Ron pointed to Harry and me, before pointing a shaky finger at himself, "Told them to help themselves! And now Hagrid expects us to go down there and cry over its horrible hairy body!"

"It's not just that," Hermione said, "He's asking us to leave the castle at night, and he knows security's a million times tighter and how much trouble we'd be in if we were caught."

"We've been down to see him at night before," Harry reasoned.

"Yes, but for something like this?" Hermione said, "We've risked a lot to help Hagrid out, but after all – Aragog's dead. If it were a question of saving him -"

Ron scoffed, "I'd want to go even less." He spoke firmly, "You didn't meet him, Hermione. Believe me, being dead will have improved him a lot. We should be celebrating, rather than mourning!"

Harry took the letter back from Ron and stared at it before looking at me.

"Harry -" I bit my lower lip, "I'm already being watched like a hawk. You'd be asking to get caught if I came along." Hermione opened her mouth to reject, "Not that I would go anyway, I'm with Ron and 'Mione on this one."

"It's such a pointless thing to get detention for." Hermione added.

Harry nodded, "Yeah I know… I s'pose Hagrid'll have to bury Aragog without us."

"And don't forget, Harry," Hermione said, looking relieved, "Potions will be nearly empty this afternoon, with all of us doing our tests … try and soften Slughorn up a bit then!"

"Fifty-seventh time lucky, you think?" Harry asked bitterly.

I smiled, "Only if you're lucky!"

"That's it!" Ron exclaimed, "Harry – get lucky!"

"What d'you mean?"

"Use your lucky potion!"

Hermione gasped, "Of course, Ron! That's it! Why didn't I think of that?"

"Felix Felicis?" Harry looked dumfounded, "I dunno… I was sort of saving it…"

Harry glanced at me and I knew what he was thinking, as he was a million miles away, in dream land. Completely oblivious to Ron's questioning.

"What could be more important than getting this memory, Harry?" Hermione asked.

"She's right, you know." I told him, as he snapped out of it, "Dumbledore knew you were the only person capable of getting this memory, and it must be important. We've got to get as much information on Voldemort as possible if we have any chance against him."

He nodded, "You're right."

"Hours of therapy, darling, hours of therapy."

Too soon? It was definitely too soon.

"Destination… determination… deliberation…" Hermione murmured.

"Oh stop that!" Ron begged her, "I feel sick enough as it is – quick, hide me!"

Hermione grumbled, as Ron dived behind her, "It isn't Lavender!"

"Cool."

"I'm sorry – what's happened?"

Hermione glanced at Ron before answering, "It's what hasn't happened."

"Wimp." I jested.

The bell rang overhead in the castle and both Ron and Hermione jumped to their feet, appearing pale as they apprehensively pulled me to my feet to join them, "You'll do fine," Harry told us, as we walked towards the Entrance Hall together, "Good luck."

"And you too," Hermione said knowingly as she linked our arms together, to walk down to Hogsmeade, waving to Harry as the three of us left.

It was a tense walk. The silence was only interrupted by Hermione's muttering and Ron's nervous whimpers. I instead consumed myself with the beauty of nature; the blackbirds and starlings soaring back and forth overhead with twigs in their beaks, building their nests in preparation for chicks, a peach blossom was beginning to bloom and a patch of radiant forget-me-nots formed a section of our journey. When we arrived at Hogsmeade, we all stood in a huddle, like we had during our practice session a few weeks back. It's funny how we all stood in the same circles, the Gryffindors separated from the Slytherins by the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws.

"It's really good to see you, Kathryn." Came the voice of Theodore Nott, who had managed to catch me unawares when Ron and Hermione were making each other more nervous by being in the other's presence, "Are you coming back to Alchemy classes yet?"

"Yeah, sorry, McGonagall had me in a meeting that ran on, Junis was made aware." I said.

He stood awkwardly, "It's just that I'm partnered with you this week and -"

"You're scared that Pinky is going to go Loony again?"

"Hey!" Ron charged in to my defence.

I looked Pansy Parkinson up and down. I didn't need to utter a word to portray my utter distaste at laying my eyes on her.

My lack of a retort disappointed her.

"Cat got your tongue, or are you too scared? Going to end up in the Hospital again?" she teased, "Go on, entertain me."

I smirked.

"They're here!" Hermione squeaked, grabbing a hold of my hand.

Upon seeing them, I could identify that there was definitely something swimming around in my stomach and I regretted eating the second bun at lunch. The two examiners were much like Twycross in appearance, the female had wispy greying hair and the male sported a receding hairline and together they wore very official uninviting expressions.

The male examiner apparated to outside Madam Puddifoot's at the other end of the village, and the female spoke, "You will each be assessed one by one, in alphabetical order. When you are called, you will stand in front of me here and you will wholly apparate to beside my colleague outside the teashop. You will receive one opportunity to complete the apparition, when this is completed, you will stand behind my colleague and wait until all the tests are completed." She pointed, "Okay, first up is Bones, Susan."

Susan stepped forwards, her face green as though she was holding back vomit. What we know for sure, is that Susan disappeared, if she reappeared in the right place, we couldn't tell.

"Boot, Terry."

The names were called one by one and the group of students at this end of the test was growing ever-smaller. When the time came, I had no doubt that Hermione aced it, like she aced everything, despite her qualms. Now, more than half of us have taken the test and I knew I was soon when Morag was called forward.

"I wouldn't be surprised if you got yourself splinched, Pink." Pansy Parkinson sidled up beside me, looking for another reaction, "too many chemicals in your system, you might explode!" she cackled evilly, her eyes wild with excitement at the thought.

"Parkinson, Pansy." Shouted the voice of the examiner.

"Break a leg." I smiled.

She looked horrified as she approached the formidable woman. I gave her a wave as she turned on the spot and disapparated. Ron chuckled beside me, "I hope I don't break a leg!"

"Patil, Padma!"

"In showbiz, saying 'Break a Leg' is actually a way of saying 'good luck' but she didn't need to know that." I shrugged my shoulders in response to Ron's smile of approval.

The woman's voice sounded once again, "Pink, Kathryn."

My heart lurched in my chest, and I widened my eyes as I looked to Ron. My lack of experience in apparition from missing so many lessons and my lack of performing advanced magic in the last number of weeks filled me with apprehension. Ron must have seen this on my face as I took a few deep breaths to steady myself.

"You'll be fine." He said comfortingly, patting me on the back.

"As will you." I nodded as I walked towards the examiner.

With my wand in hand, I thought with all my might about Madam Puddifoot's and the wispy man as I turned on the spot. The familiar feeling of being forced through a very tight tube filled my body as I disapparated and all of a sudden my feet were firmly back on solid ground again. I opened my eyes one by one and looked at the examiner who was standing right next to me, ogling me closely.

"Congratulations, Miss Pink, you have passed your apparition test." He wrote something on his parchment, "Move along."

I quickly scarpered for the fear of being landed upon by the next test victim. My eyes found Hermione's and I gave her a quick nod. She beamed at me, pushing through a tear-faced Pansy's posse to get to me, "Well done!"

"I'm assuming you passed too?"

"Yeah, but guess who didn't?" she looked over her shoulder before stating proudly, "Pansy."

Upon seeing us both staring at her, Pansy approached me, "You bitch." She started throwing her weight around, "What did you do to me?"

"Nothing." I said calmly.

"You – you -" she pointed her finger in accusation.

"You can't go blaming me for your own incompetence."

Her face was red and her eyes were no longer streaming with tears. She was angry, "Araghhhh!" she leapt at me.

I quickly imagined a hoop a few metres to my right and turned on the spot. In less than a second, I was looking at Pansy Parkinson, who had just fallen to the ground, "Careful." I said in a warning tone.

Hermione watched me, gobsmacked as I stepped around Pansy, Daphne and Millicent, "Ron should be next." She whispered anxiously as she linked her arm into mine, pulling me close.

As predicted, Ron soon appeared. From afar he was chuffed with himself. "Did he do that to you?" I asked as the examiner leaned in extra close to Ron's face.

"No…" she said as Ron touched his face.

"Oh crap…" his head dropped. "That can't be good…"

Ron was pale-faced and in shock, "Half an eyebrow." He said weakly as he approached us, "I left behind half an eyebrow."

"That is the end of your assessment. For those of you who failed, please contact the Ministry for further test dates should you wish to repeat." The wispy man spoke before turning on the spot and disapparating.

"They failed me." Ron said quietly.

I placed a hand on his shoulder and gave a gentle squeeze, "Next time."

"You passed, didn't you?"

"Yeah." I grit my teeth, "It was definitely a fluke. Can't believe you were failed because of half an eyebrow…"

Ron nodded before animatedly retelling the story of how he lost his eyebrow and got it back again as the group of sixth years began the walk back up to school again. It became apparent that there were a number of people who had failed the test – Pansy, Ron, Lavender, Crabbe, Goyleand Mandy – were the few I knew of. Thankfully Pansy was too embarrassed to take another stab at me, though she did make her dislike of me quite apparent as we walked, not wanting to rub our new license to apparate into the faces of those who had failed. I had been through too much lately to care.

By the time we reached the Common Room, Ron was most morose, but upon a session of slagging off the Examiners to Harry over dinner, when I re-joined after my short meeting with Snape, he seemed a little happier. We had all come to the conclusion that the examiner was being rather harsh, unlike with Lavender who apparently landed a shop too far and Pansy who landed on top of the examiner, making him fall to the ground! That news certainly made us smile, leading to Ron slagging off Pansy on my behalf.

"So, Harry – you going to use the Felix Felicis or what?" Ron demanded.

"Yeah, s'pose I'd better," Harry shrugged his shoulders, "I don't reckon I'll need all of it, not twelve hours' worth, it can't take all night… I'll just take a mouthful. Two or three hours should do it."

"It's a great feeling when you take it," Ron said reminiscently, "Like you can't do anything wrong."

Hermione and I frowned, "What are you talking about?" Hermione laughed, "You've never taken any!"

"Yeah, but I thought I had, didn't I?" Ron said, as though explaining the obvious, "Same difference, really."

Hermione and I shared a glance as I said, "Right…"

"Dean, Seamus and Neville aren't in the dormitory," Harry said waving as he stood to open the door for us, "Come on you three."

The four of us sneaked up to the boys' dormitory and closed the door shut tight behind us. Harry took out a pair of old rolled-up socks from the bottom of his trunk and extracted a tiny, gleaming bottle. He looked at me, "Are you definitely okay for me to do this?"

I smiled, "Get it in you."

"Well, here goes," he pulled out the stopper, raised the bottle and took a carefully measured gulp.

"How do you feel?" I asked, leaning against one of the posters of his bed.

Harry beamed, brimming with confidence, "Excellent." He said in an uncharacteristically positive manner, "Really excellent. Right, I'm going down to Hagrid's."

"What?" the three of us uttered simultaneously.

"No, Harry – you've got to go and see Slughorn, remember?" Hermione spoke.

Harry was so confident in his decision, he swaggered towards the door, "No, I've got a good feeling about going down to Hagrid's. I feel like it's the place to be tonight. Do you know what I mean?"

"No." the three of us said simultaneously, once again.

"How can you feel good about burying a giant spider?" Ron gulped.

I crossed the room and looked at Harry straight in the eyes, he was bright, alert and appeared wildly happy. It was unsettling. If I hadn't known he'd taken the Felix Felicis, I'd have sworn he was high on drugs.

Hermione held up the tiny glass bottle, "Unless Harry's had another bottle of – I don't know -"

"Essence of Insanity?" Ron suggested.

Harry laughed heartily.

This did not settle our nerves.

"Trust me," Harry said, "I know what I'm doing… or at least…" Harry wrapped the Invisibility Cloak around his shoulders, "Felix does." He covered his head and opened the door, and by the sound of him, started walking down the stairs.

I glanced back at Ron and Hermione and nodded, making myself invisible as I followed. I felt drained as I made the switch, I hadn't been invisible for such a long time, it made me feel fuzzy, the closer I got to the opening door into the Common Room.

"What are you doing up there with her?" Lavender was staring right through Harry and me, up towards Hermione and Ron coming down the boys' dormitory, seemingly alone. Ron started spluttering behind me and I was certain that Harry had gone through the gap and was now heading though the portrait hole that Ginny and Dean were now climbing through.

"Don't push me, please, Dean," Ginny sounded annoyed, "You're always doing that, I can get through perfectly well on my own…" she said as the portrait door slammed shut.

Harry had to be gone. I didn't know how much longer I could maintain my own invisibility, despite the brewing argument between Ginny and Dean and the already occurring argument between Ron and Lavender going on behind me.

"I didn't touch you!" Dean retorted angrily.

"Don't lie to me, Dean! I felt it!" Ginny snapped back, "I've asked you time and time again to respect me! I am a capable of climbing through the portrait hole by myself! Just the same as I can carry my own things and maybe I don't want you touching me all the time. I just wish you would treat me like your equal and -"

"Stop being such a whiney -"

Even my chin dropped.

"Excuse me?" Ginny was now red-faced in anger.

"I told you to stop whining about me helping you through the portrait hole when I didn't."

"That's it!" Ginny crossed her arms angrily, he was in for it now, "I can't take this anymore. We're done."

Dean looked like he was about to choke, "What?"

"I'm breaking up with you, Dean." Ginny said, "Goodbye." She turned on her heels and walked towards the dorms where Ron was standing looking rather pleased with himself, Lavender was crying (again) and Hermione was nowhere to be seen.

"Hey!" I let myself into Ginny's dorm, "Chin up, girl, he's not worth your tears."

Ginny looked up at me with red eyes and a running nose, "Were you there, did you hear what he was about -?"

"Yeah," I sat on the bed beside her and pulled her in close, "I think you did the right thing."

"You do?" she asked, snuggling into me, "Look at me, crying over a boy when you -"

I gently stroked her silky smooth hair, "Shhhhhh!"

"How did you do on the test?"

"Oh," I was surprised by her sudden change of topic, "I passed! Still haven't told George yet, there's been so much going on today."

Ginny shook her head, "It's been a busy first day back?"

"You have no idea." I smiled, "I've work to catch up on piled up to my eyeballs, Pansy Parkinson is doing her best to bully me and I think Draco might be avoiding me, but I'm good."

"I lay my problems on you, you lay yours on me?" Ginny wiped her eyes with a tissue.

"Deal."

G: Dare I ask?
K: Sorry – busy day! I PASSED!
G: Congratulations baby! I knew you could do it! How was the rest of your day?
K: It's been alright – Ginny has just broken up with Dean and Lavender and Ron are finally no longer a thing!
G: Double whammy! So Bill and I are the only taken Weasleys?
K: God help you! Anything weird or wonderful with you?
G: God help me? God help you! Nothing strange or startling here, Verity was asking for you. Fred ate the last of your chocolate chip cookies. Mum popped by after dinner and was shocked you weren't here.
K: You two ate 20 cookies in one day?!
G: Maybe…? So all in all, you're doing okay? Current anxiety level out of ten?
K: Yeah, sitting at a 2?
G: Want to talk about anything before I head to bed?
K: Watch this space tomorrow if Pansy Parkinson doesn't get off my back about being off. She's clutching at straws and trying to get a reaction – I don't think she knows why I was back home, she mentioned me going mad, being back in hospital, being on loads of medications… She thinks I prevented her from passing her Apparition test, but that was all on her – Hermione said she landed on top of the examiner!
G: NO WAY! Want me to send her some dragon dung in the mail? Well, you know not to let her get you down, rise above, keep you cool, and if you need to, walk away and take 5. Promise me something - don't lose the sass. I'd miss your sassy remarks!
K: No need for nasty surprises yet. But they are definitely under consideration. I wouldn't be me if I wasn't even a little bit sassy! Night night! Sleep well. Love you! x
G: I'll get some on special order from Charlie, just in case! I'll keep the parchment beside me if you need anything. Goodnight and I hope you sleep well. Send me a message when you wake up. Love you too x