A/N: Thank you to all, as always, for re-reading this story through the eyes and minds of our beloved SQ couple. I really hope you enjoy this in Regina's point of view as much as I enjoyed writing it. Next chapter will also be told by Regina. :) Happy reading, everyone!

And I'll keep repeating this until people stop asking from now on. Please leave my stories within the SQ fandom. No, you may not use them as your own or translate them to use them in another fandom. I appreciate the praise and love you feel for my work, though, but I ask that you respect it.

Chapter 31: Regina

My kiss with Emma was everything I ever wanted and so much more. It had not only stopped time around us, but the rain. And my head was spinning very much; it felt as if I hadn't yet overcome my hangover. As if I was drunk all over again, but instead of alcohol in my system, passed a current straight through my veins like I had never imagined I would ever feel in my entire life. I couldn't really explain it, other than it was like having fire and ice run through your veins at the same time. My heart wouldn't slow down, and I almost felt like my own breath could leave my body at any moment.

And what I loved more about that moment was where it happened. And how it happened. We had talked all night, coming clean about our feelings toward one another. Yes, it was wrong, and us kissing was possibly much worse. Which is why Emma and I agreed that what happened at the Orchard would remain there. Only known and lived by the two of us.

For that short moment, we were as Emma had said. She was Emma and I was Regina. Two individuals who felt a strong mutual attraction and allowed themselves to live it, if only for a little while. And it was a moment that would live in my heart for the rest of my life. I would always remember how Emma's hand remained where it had positioned itself and never dared to move. Respectfully keeping me in place. Something I had never experienced before. How gentle and careful her lips had guided mine into our kiss, having it become the best one yet.

Eventually as the rain dissipated, Emma and I were heading back to the house. Where Audrey was surely waiting for our arrival. Emma had sent a message out to Audrey that we would be arriving shortly, keeping her up to speed on our status and that we were doing just fine on our drive. I tried not to dwell on the thought of arriving so much. Because I knew that once we arrived, Emma and I would go back to being just friends. That's what we were after all, wasn't it? Friends. Nothing more.

I had lived my small moment with Emma, and it proved to ache my heart far more than I could've imagined now that it was over. But I knew Emma and I could never be. No matter how much we mutually wanted it.

I look over to find Emma wanting to smirk, obviously happy and thinking about our mutual kiss. But she holds back. As do I. Although somewhere along the drive we do share a mutual little smile, even if there was a sadness behind both of our eyes.

Something changed tonight when Emma and I kissed. And it had been everything a kiss should be.

My first real kiss from my first real crush.

A kiss that possibly would never happen anymore. And I had to learn to be okay with that.

As we arrive at the house, and exit the car, Audrey comes rushing out of the house and embracing me in a hug. "You're back!" I embrace my daughter with all the love in the world, but my eyes embrace Emma from afar.

Suddenly, I can see it in Emma's eyes that she felt like I did. As if a heavy weight began pressing along both of our chests.

"I became so worried for you two!" Audrey rushes to Emma next, pulling her into such a strong hug that I could hear Emma grunt a little.

Emma's eyes are on mine. "Audrey," her hands landed along Audrey's waist and they slowly pushed her away from their embrace. But as Audrey pulled back, that only made her kiss Emma. Despite the jealousy that takes over me like a tidal wave, I give Emma a sad smile once our eyes meet again.

"I thought you weren't coming home at all. I was about to go fetch you myself." Audrey's hands cradle Emma's face before her lips are pressed to hers again. "Are you okay?" She asks.

"I'm fine. We're fine. We're here." Emma nods, smiling gently at Audrey.

Audrey looks at me, then back at Emma before she notices my shirt on her. "Is that a new shirt? She asks.

Emma's eyes look over to me. "No, um-"

"It's mine, dear." I quickly cut in, smiling at Audrey. "Emma was brave enough to help me with the birth of Daisy's new addition."

"Really?" Audrey grinned, her arm liking along with Emma's. "That's wonderful!"

"Yeah, something I rather not do again, thank you." Emma said sarcastically, which made me smile and it made Audrey laugh.

"Let's get inside. You two must be starving." Said Audrey.

"Actually, we were held up in the house for a while so we had a little of what Daniel kept in the fridge." I said, walking alongside Audrey as we headed into the house. My eyes look down to Emma and Audrey's joined hands and I don't hide the frown that takes over me.

"Oh, well, that's good." Audrey smiles.

"How are you feeling?" Emma asked Audrey, putting on her best smile.

I had no right to feel jealous of my own daughter and of Emma. But I did. Suddenly I was regretting driving back and wishing it wouldn't have stopped raining so that Emma and I could remain back at the Orchard. But, no matter how much we liked each other; Emma wasn't mine and I had to remember that.

"Ugh, a lot better. Thank God." Said Audrey.

I took in Emma's appearance one last time, wearing my shirt, before we entered the house. I force a smile as Audrey turns my way with Emma linked to her arm. "Well, Emma, I think you should get some rest. Today was a… An unexpected day." I said.

"That's a good idea. You should both get some rest." Audrey's hand plays with a strand of Emma's hair and I frown.

"You two go on ahead. I think I'll stay up a while longer." I nod, putting on my best smile once again.

"Alone?" Emma frowned. Her eyes locked into mine. "You don't need some company?" She asks, and I frown. My heart flutters to the thought that Emma wanted to spend more time with me, but now that we were back- that was impossible.

"Aw, that's so nice, you two bonding!" Audrey smirks, her arm wrapping along Emma's back, holding her closer.

I chuckle to fight back another string of jealousy this time. "Thank you, but I'll be fine. I think I'll just read a little. I'm still a little overwhelmed by everything tonight. But, you go ahead." My eyes lock onto Emma's. "Really. I'll be fine."

Even I didn't believe myself. I wasn't fine. I wanted to be with Emma. Especially after our talk tonight, which I suspected we still had a lot to talk about that we couldn't talk about tonight. But she wasn't mine. And she probably would never be mine, no matter how much Emma did like me. Her place was by Audrey. My daughter. Her girlfriend.

"Well, have a good night, mom." Audrey leans in to place a kiss along my cheek, and I place another in return along hers.

"Good night, dear." I said, my eyes remained on Emma who continuously looked back at me over her shoulder as she was guided up the stairs.

"You look better." Emma says to Audrey.

"Yeah, I have no idea what Sidney puts in that tea of his, but I drank it, took a nap after I talked to you and I feel like a new woman." I can hear Audrey's reply.

"That's great." I hear Emma chuckle. I stand there until I no longer see them along the second floor.

That's when I released the breath I had been holding in a heavy sigh. My eyes closed for a moment as I lightly touched my lips. I couldn't get rid of the feel of Emma's lips on mine as we kissed. They had felt so tender, so soft and gentle. They had been so much better than I had imagined them to be in my dream.

That's when I realized that kissing Emma again, allowing my impulse to take over had probably been the biggest mistake I could ever make. Because this was going to be harder than I thought. Seeing Audrey with Emma would constantly kill me, proving to me that I had to be stronger.

My mind was too troubled to read tonight. Truth, Emma's lips still burned in my mind, and I feared they had been engraved there permanently. I released another sigh as I stood up from my usual spot in the library and headed straight into the kitchen. I didn't bother turning on the lights. I had become quite fond of the dark after tonight, and things were always more quiet when it was dark. I reach for a glass out of one of the kitchen cupboards, followed by the pitcher of water and serve myself about half a glass, only to take a small sip.

Honestly, I merely needed something to wet my lips as they were beginning to feel dry from the withdrawal of the warmth Emma's lips created against my own. I place my head in my hand, my elbow propped along the glass table. I liked Emma. A lot. And she liked me. I couldn't stop thinking about our mutual feelings or one another. Or about our conversation.

I couldn't turn my mind off, even if I wanted to. I could try sleeping, but lying down would only make me think about what we had discussed all the more. What would happen if we kissed again? I shake my head, no. It couldn't happen again. Absolutely couldn't happen again. What would Audrey say if she ever found out about this? More than anything- the main reason why I had to hold back against my feelings for Emma- was my daughter. Above all, I couldn't hurt Audrey. No matter how much Emma and I liked each other.

I look up and am surprised to see Emma, reaching for a glass from the cupboard I had gotten mine, and helping herself to a glass of water of her own. She wore her pajama bottoms and black tank top that she originally wore to bed every night since she's been here.

"Trouble sleeping?" I said as softly as possible.

Emma's eyes are wide as she turns in my direction, obviously surprised to find me sitting here in the dark. "You can say that." She said, taking the liberty to join me by taking a seat at the table, right beside me this time.

I take a sip of my water, attempting to avoid Emma's gaze which I could feel was focused on me. We were surrounded by awkward silence for a moment, which I noticed was beginning to happen more often than not.

It's not until my eyes look over that they lock with Emma's, even in the darkness of the kitchen. Even in the darkness, Emma's eyes were the most beautiful sea green eyes I had ever seen.

"Emma-"

"Gina-"

We share a light chuckle between us as we speak in unison again.

"Go ahead," I nod, taking another sip of my water.

Emma takes an equal sip and wets her lips. "I just," she sighs. A moment passes before her eyes lock into mine and she says, "I really liked kissing you tonight." There's honesty in her voice. Her confession made my heart flutter.

I hesitated, but I couldn't hide my own truth regarding tonight. I smile quite shyly, "I really liked kissing you as well." I kept my voice down to a whisper and glanced around the kitchen for any sign of Audrey or Sidney. Until I felt Emma's hand land on top of mine. "Emma, don't," I pull my hand back from underneath hers and it pains me to see the disappointment behind Emma's own eyes. "We can't."

"Regina-"

"Emma-" I scoff, knowing well this conversation was going to happen. "We kissed. And as wonderful as it felt, it can never happen again." I swallow down a hard lump in the back of my throat and tears threaten to come out of me. "It is true, I really like you, and that is a guilt I'll have to carry with me for the rest of my life. But we talked about this back at the Orchard. Whatever you think can happen between us, can't happen."

"I'm not expecting anything to happen, Regina." I glare at Emma upon hearing this, not believing a word of it. "Okay, maybe, I am after that kiss, and knowing that whatever is happening between us is very mutual, but…" She sighs and reaches for my other hand, not allowing me to pull away from the contact this time. "Regina, I could talk to Audrey."

"No!" I shake my head in panic, my eyes wide. Absolutely not! Audrey could never find out about this. Not when it wasn't going to progress any further.

Emma however, seemed determined. "I don't even have to mention it's you I like-"

"Emma-"

"Regina, I can't go on pretending like that kiss didn't mean anything when it meant everything to me." Emma whispers, and her words pull at my heartstrings until they snap.

Our kiss meant everything to her? I fought back tears, ready to spring free.

"Emma," I whisper, this time helping myself to cupping Emma's cheek, my touch soft. "Believe me. It meant everything and more to me as well. But, we absolutely can't take whatever is happening between us any further than tonight. I need you to understand that. And respect it. Please."

Seeing Emma's eyes tear up before me broke my heart, I didn't think it was possible it could ever mend. Abruptly I stood up from the table, neglecting the glass of water and began to exit. Emma stood but I didn't turn back.

"So, you want me to just go on with my life, with Audrey as if I don't have any type of feelings or you at all?" Emma asks.

I closed my eyes as a single tear rolled past my cheek. I could hear her voice breaking, just like I imagined her heart was breaking in the moment. I couldn't dare to turn around and look in her eyes, because if I did I would want to kiss her, to hold her. And if I turned, I wouldn't care that Audrey was just above us in her bedroom waiting for Emma to return. "It's for the best, Emma. I can't be held responsible for breaking my daughter's heart and shattering her dreams with the person she loves the most in this world."

"Is that really the reason? Or are you just too afraid to give yourself a chance with someone who can actually make you happy?"

Both. More than anything I wanted that chance. I close my eyes and my jaw clenches so hard it hurts my teeth. "Emma," I turn then, so abruptly it startles Emma. "You and I will never happen. As much as I like you, because I do, I can't allow myself to feel anything more for someone who is forbidden to me." My voice breaks this time. "My daughter means the world to me, and I would do anything to make sure she's happy. Because she deserves everything that's good in this world. Including you."

"On that we agree." Emma replies, blinking rapidly to fight tears of her own. "Audrey does deserve everything that's good." She takes a few steps toward me, and as she does, her eyes never leave mine. She is so close to me, she brings the back of her knuckles to rest along my cheek in a gentle caress. "But, so do you." She said.

If only I could believe the clarity in Emma's words that I- Regina- actually deserved something good in my life.

I reached up until I grabbed onto Emma's own hand, removing it from my cheek. "If only that were true." I replied.

"It is." Emma whispers as she dips her head a little closer. I can't look away or move. I am rooted to the ground, like only Emma can make me be. "Regina, you deserve more good than anyone in this world. But if you want me to go on pretending like we never kissed, like something growing between us doesn't happen every single time we're in a room together- I'm sorry, but I can't do that."

"Emma, please-" My voice breaks again, so much I feel my chin wobble. I gasp as I feel Emma's hand land against my cheek again. Her thumb stroked along my bottom lip ever-so-softly.

It was then that Emma leaned in, slowly and ever so gently, her lips brushed against mine. My breath caught in the back of my throat, I had forgotten how to breathe. My eyes closed as I couldn't force myself to pull away, but that only lasted two seconds. I couldn't do this! I pull away and attempt to walk away, only to feel Emma's hand grab onto my wrist, causing me to abruptly turn once more.

"Gina," Emma's voice was so pleading, her eyes glossed over, it turned my heart to dust.

"Emma," my voice broke again and this time my vision blurred from my tears. "What we shared back at the Orchard will always remain in my heart. And there won't be a day where I won't wish I could go back in time and relive it."

I abruptly exit the kitchen, but I don't get far. I stop once I reach the bottom of the stairs and sob quietly to myself. Emma's red, teary eyes engraved in my mind.

I was sure that with some sleep, after crying my eyes out, I would feel a great deal better the following morning. I was wrong. There was no turning back from this. There was no feeling better. Especially when I hurt Emma, deeper than I ever could. And I hated myself for that. But we could never happen. I had to remind myself of that for Audrey's sake.

As I take a sip of my coffee, my eyes look up to see Audrey entering the dining room with a smile that reached from ear to ear. "Gooood mooooorning!" She greeted me.

"Good morning, dear. Sleep well?" I asked.

"With Emma by my side, I always sleep well." Audrey smirks, and I don't hide my frown at all. My stomach in knots as I attempt not to picture them in bed together. Audrey in Emma's arms.

"Where is Emma this morning?" I look around for any sign of Emma, hoping to see her.

"She went on a run, said she needed to clear her head. I don't know what's been going on with her." Audrey begins serving herself breakfast.

"Whatever do you mean?" My heart stops for a moment.

"Well," Audrey sighs and her cheeks take on the color shade of pink. "It's stupid, really, because it really shouldn't bother me as much as it is."

"What is it?" I hold my breath.

"Well… Last night, we were in bed, and I tried to… You know…" Audrey nods her head, her cheeks turned crimson and suddenly I know what she tried to do last night.

"Oh. I see." I swallow down another ping of jealousy, it hurts my throat as it travels along, all the way down to the pit of my stomach.

"Anyway, she rejected me."

My heart came to life- jealousy gone. Emma rejected Audrey? "Did she?" I hated myself for almost smiling, feeling a bit of happiness take over me. When in the hell had I become such a jealous person over someone?

"Am I being silly? I'm being silly, aren't I?" Audrey's face scrunches up. "Tell me, I'm being silly, mom."

I feel relieved to chuckle, "You are being silly. Emma loves you. You do know that, don't you?"

"Well, of course I know that. I trust her, it's just… It was a shock, you know?" Audrey's shoulders slump and as happy as I feel to know that Emma didn't sleep with her, I also feel guilty for feeling happy about it. Especially when my daughter was hurting because of that rejection. "I mean, ever since we started seeing each other, Emma has never turned me down before. You can understand my surprise, right? See my side of things?"

Surprisingly, I could. I clear my throat and adjust myself in my chair. "Well, dear, we did have an overwhelming day yesterday, and… Maybe Emma was just tired." I shrug, taking a sip of my coffee to hide the blush that threatens to sneak up on me as I remember my kiss with Emma.

"Who was tired?" Emma's voice startles us both as she comes waltzing into the dining room, reaching for a piece of bacon and popping into her mouth. She looked relaxed and collected despite the cross she was helping me carry along our backs.

I take another sip of my coffee to hide another blush as I can't look away from Emma. She was glossy with sweat, her clothes bearing darker spots along her neckline. Good God. Even after a morning run Emma always managed to look attractive.

"Nobody. Are you showering first or having breakfast?" Audrey smiled up at Emma.

"I think I'll shower first." Said Emma.

"Okay, hurry up. I want to get to the store before it gets really crowded." Said Audrey.

Emma salutes in a playful manner as she races out of the dining room and up the stairs. They were leaving… I somehow, knowing this, feel that giant cross lift off my back for a minute. They were going out… Together. Minute gone, replaced instantly by jealousy.

"Going out today?" I ask Audrey, putting on my best smile.

Audrey nods, her eyes lighting up as she gulps down her orange juice. "I told Emma I need new shoes, but really, I want to look at party decorations."

"Party decorations? Whatever for, dear?" I chuckle.

"Well, Emma's birthday is in three days, and I'm actually glad we're alone, because I wanted to ask for your permission if I could have a party for her here." Audrey chews on her bottom lip, awaiting my reply.

A birthday party for Emma? Here? "Here?" My eyes grow wide. "Oh, Audrey, I don't know." I shake my head.

"Please, mom!" Audrey pleads. "It'll be just a small party."

"Sweetheart, I'd say yes, in a heartbeat, but you know how your father hates having parties without him here." I remind her. Of course, Leopold was across the globe and would be none the wiser. But I promise you, the man had the nose of a bloodhound sometimes. It was frightening.

"I knew you would say that, so I already talked to dad." Audrey grins, and I couldn't be more surprised. "I called him this morning, and he said as long as we keep the party small, it was fine with him."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Then again, Leopold couldn't deny Audrey of anything. The bastard might be a savage with me, but even I knew he truly loved his daughter.

"Did he now?" I can't hide the shock that takes over my voice.

"He did. And I know that if anyone can throw a great party, it's you." Audrey gives me her best pleading look. "Come on, please?"

"Well, sweetheart, is this what Emma wants?" I ask, recalling that Emma didn't like to have her birthday turned into a huge deal.

"I know," Audrey rolls her eyes. "Emma hates having her birthday turned into a big deal, but that's also why I am keeping it small. Private. Come on, please?" She begs again. "Pretty please, mom? This is important to me. It really is."

I could see the love Audrey felt for Emma oozing out of her sparkling eyes at the idea to throw her a surprise birthday party. I was once again caught between a rock and a hard place. The ping of guilt coming right back to me for having kissed Emma.

"You really do love her, don't you?" I ask, feeling a wave of pain settle along my chest.

"Very much." To make matters worse, Audrey reaches for my hand across the table and gives it a firm squeeze. "So, will you help me surprise her?"

How could I possibly say no?

"Of course, dear." I nod in defeat, putting on my best smile yet again.

"Yay!" Audrey claps her hands in excitement, reaching for my hand one more time. "Great! Then, you can come along with us."

"What?" I blink.

"Yeah! We can discreetly look around for whatever we'll need for the party, Emma will never know. We can have a mother/daughter day out of it, with Emma included, of course." She chuckles with a twinkle in her eye.

"Oh, I don't know, sweetheart- I have a lot of things to do here at the house-" It was something entirely different to agree to help do this for Emma, and come along with them and agree to be tortured by seeing them together as a couple.

Audrey, of course, wasn't taking no for an answer. She was like her father that way. Once she set her mind on something, she wouldn't stop until she achieved it. "Mom, please," her shoulders slump. "I'm sure Sidney can take care of whatever you need to do. Come on."

What I needed and wanted was to get away from spending so much time with Emma, to prevent me from liking her more than I already did. From feeding this feeling boiling inside of me like hot lava. But that obviously wasn't happening. Leave it to my luck to have a cruel sense of humor.

"Very well." I smile, putting in my best effort. Already dreading today.