Change The Fate: The Fallen Angel Arise

By TheUndefeatable

Disclaimer: (noun) a denial or disavowal of legal claim:relinquishment of or formal refusal to accept an interest or estate.

Rate: Rated T just to be safe
Summary: There is always a light in the middle of darkness, you just must be brave enough to see it and to embrace it! Then, you will see that you don't need to take the burden all by yourself; you see that you are not alone. A sequel to 'Face The World Alone: Tale Of A Fallen Angel'
Warning: Mention of child abuse and attempted suicide, some violence and bloodshed in later chapters, but not any thing explicit! Don't like it, don't read it!
A/N: This chapter is unbeta-ed, but I have some intense time ahead of me, so I decided to post this chapter now! Consider this as an early Christmas gift, everyone have a good holiday season! Have fun reading and let me know what you think!

Chapter 14: Reunion

The next morning, Severus woke up when the door to his room was opened. He saw Dumbledore step in holding a chest, with his trunk floating behind him; his blackened trunk, to be exact. At that moment, he was happy that he had charmed his trunk to be resistant to muggle fire.

"Good morning." Dumbledore said. Severus observed his expression. His usual smile was absent, but his face was not grim, angry, or unhappy. It was...neutral.

"G'od 'orning." Severus said his voice sleepy.

"How are you feeling today?"

A shrug. "Fine. Are these my stuffs?"

"Yes." Dumbledore put the chest on the bureau near the door. The trunk floated at the foot of the bed. "Professor McGonagall and I went last night and collected your stuff. Here is your wand." He took the wand out of his pocket and put it on the nightstand. "The chest contains all the other stuff under the floor board, as well as, most of the books."

"Most of the books?" Severus asked confused.

"Yes, all except the dark arts books, which will remain in my possession for now."

Severus woke up completely, as his anger flared up. "They are my books. You have no right to take them!"

"I will return them when you are older and have a better understanding of what Dark Arts is." Dumbledore said evenly.

"I am almost of age! You cannot tell me what to do!" Severus said angrily.

"Yes, almost of age, but you are not of age. Not yet. And as your guardian, I can keep them from you. I might return them, after we had a conversation about the reasons and consequences of dealing with Dark Arts. That is final!" Dumbledore said firmly.

Severus glared at Dumbledore and grumbled under his breath, but didn't continue. Seeing this, Dumbledore moved on to the next topic. A look at the trunk at the foot of the bed and his eyes softened.

"There is another matter, as well. As you can see your father tried to burn your trunk."

"But it is charmed against fire." Severus said confidently.

"Yes, but the charm does not prevent it from heating up, which we suspect is what has happened." Severus' expression dropped as dread filled him.

Dumbledore continued his tone grave. "It looks like that something in your potion kit has caught fire and damaged a lot of the stuff in the trunk. I'm sorry."

Tears welled up in Severus' eyes. Maybe he was overreacting, considering everything that has happened to him recently, but he could not stop thinking about his mother's diary, which she had gifted to him on his eleventh birthday. The last piece of her which he had.

Dumbledore put his hand on Severus's shoulder and squeezed gently to comfort him. Instead it only made Severus cry harder as a sob tore from his throat. Wanting to console his young charge, Dumbledore sat down beside him on the bed and embraced Severus. The teenager continued to cry for some time, but little by little, he started to calm down.

Wanting to cheer up his ward, he thought about his conversation with Minerva and thought it might be a good idea to mention Miss. Evans request to visit Severus. So when Severus was completely calm, he cleared his throat and said.

"By the way, Severus, when do you think you would feel up to having visitors?"

"Visitors?" Severus asked his voice thick from crying.

"Yes, a certain Miss. Evans wants to visit you."

"What? Why….why would….how...how does she knows I'm here?" Severus asked incredulously.

Dumbledore knew that he needs to choose his words carefully, as Severus and Lily's friendship might completely depend on his words. "The night we brought you to Hogwarts, she accidentally found out about you. She came to my office, insisting to know what happened to you. I did not want to violate your privacy, but seeing her desperation, I told her that it was your father. But nothing more than that. I thought you wouldn't mind her knowing that much, since she is your friend.

When she found out you have woke up. She told Min-I mean Professor McGonagall about her interest to visit you. We told her that she needs to wait until you are feeling better and ready to accept visitors, but I was thinking that if you want, we can arrange for her to visit you this week."

Dumbledore who expected Severus to be elated was surprised when instead he said. "No."

"No?"

Severus averted his eyes and said. "No, I don't want to see her now."

"But why?"

"Why?" Severus repeated like his answer was obvious and he was confused about Dumbledore's question. "Why would I want to see her….for her to see me, when I'm like this? I can't even hold a book with my hands."

"Ah, well then, we will schedule it for next week. By then I'm sure your condition has improved greatly."

"That's not…" Severus started his objection, but trailed off when he looked into Dumbledore's twinkling eyes. He got the feeling that Dumbledore already knew that was not what Severus meant and was just playing ignorant.

At that thought, Severus closed his mouth. He should not forget that now his life was in Dumbledore's hands, literary and figuratively. While the headmaster had decided, out of pity, to help him, he should not forget that he is the same person who easily discarded his life, last year. Now Severus' very future was dependent on Dumbledore's every whim.

Taking Severus' silence as agreement, Dumbledore said. "Excellent." Then glancing at the clock, he continued. "Now let's get you cleaned up and get you some breakfast, as well. Because Poppy is going to be here with your potions soon. I will let Professor McGonagall know about Miss. Evans' visit next week."

~~oOo~~

It was four days since Dumbledore told him about Lily's visit and Severus spend the whole time dreading the event. Something that was strange, even for himself. If something like this happened at the end of last year, he would have been ecstatic, but now, he could not help but expecting the worst. He kept thinking that Lily was going to come to just tell him how much he deserved it,….or worse: she had seen his condition and pitied him and wanted to be friends with him out of pity. Not because she actually wanted, but because he was such a pathetic creature that her kindness out-weighted her resentment of him.

A voice in his mind told him that the fact that she went to Dumbledore's office to find out what happened, meant that she cared. She cared enough in the first place to try find out what happened. But Severus pushed that aside. He shouldn't let his hope up. It would lead to complete disappointment. It always does, if the events in his life were any indication.

Three days remained until Lily's visit and Severus was tired and ready to get the whole ordeal over with. Madam Pomfrey was reducing his intake of Dreamless Sleep potion. So, he was sure that if he was not still recovering – and thus so lethargic – then he would not have gotten even a wink of sleep.

The only positive thing during the last four days was that Severus has gotten stronger, to the point that he could sit up in his bed by himself. His hands had became stronger, as well and now he could feed himself. Also, he stayed awake for a longer period, as well.

But he could not enjoy that accomplishment, because he could not stop thinking about Lily's visit. It was going to happen in three days time, in the morning; when, according to Professor McGonagall, Lily had a free period. Severus could not stop thinking about how it would go. What she would think, seeing him like this….knowing about his father. And every question came back to just this: Why Lily wanted to see him? What made her want to do it? From what he remembers, she didn't want to do anything with him. So why? What changed? Why now? The questions keep going round and round in his mind, not giving him any reprieve.

It was near noon and Severus felt he was going mad with nothing to do. Alone with only his thoughts for company. Desperate to find something to distract himself, he sat up in bed and looked around his room. The room was barely furnished – Dumbledore said that Severus was supposed to decorate it when he felt better. There was nothing personal about them. One of the two personal items that showed someone was living here, was the small chest on the bureau that contained his stuff. The second item was his blackened trunk. Looking at it, brought tears to Severus' eyes, again, as he was again reminded of his mother's diary. Gathering his courage, he decided to finally open his trunk and see the extend of the damage.

His legs were not strong enough, yet, but he thought since his trunk was at the foot of his bed, he could make the two steps needed to reach it. Also, it was the only distraction he had, so he pushed away his blanket slowly and made his way to the edge of bed. The moment his feet touched the floor, he knew that trying to stand was a mistake. His knees buckled immediately and he fell to the floor. The floor was cold and uncomfortable and Severus didn't know how he was supposed to get back in bed, again. A minute later, the door opened and Dumbledore walked in. Seeing Severus on the floor, he quickly came to his aid and helped him back in bed.

"Severus! What were you doing out of bed?"

Severus flushed from embarrassment. Not wanting to discuss his mother's diary or his trunk in general, he chose the first thing that came to his mind.

"I was bored and I wanted to get one of my school books from the chest, to read."

"You should have waited for me or called for a house elf. You could have hurt yourself and it could have activated your bracelet. Until your hearing is held and everything is finalized, you should be more careful. It would waste all of our efforts."

Feeling embarrassed and stupid, Severus dropped his head and hided behind his hairs. Seeing this, Dumbledore moved on from the topic.

"But it is a good thing that you feel up to do some readings. I was planning to have a talk with you about your education, when you were feeling better. But if you feel up to it, we can talk about it now."

That got Severus's attention and he nodded his head.

"Well, now you are in your NEWT years, so before talking about your courses, I would like to know about your meeting last year with your head of house."

"What meeting" A confused Severus asked.

"Didn't Horace meet you for giving a career advice?"

"No" Severus said dryly. 'Oh, Horace' Dumbledore thought.

"Though I didn't need it anyway." At Dumbledore's surprised look, he continued. "My best bet was to find a benefactor who would support me and recommend me to a potion master." And Dumbledore knew exactly how he was going to achieve it. Something that he planned to change.

"Well, I think that you do not give yourself enough credit. Now….I know that you are good at potion." an understatement "But if you just wanted to choose a career based on your liking, would you still choose to become a potion master?"

Severus looked at him, his face screwed in a frown, like he was trying to figure out what was the catch. After a few moments of silence, he finally relented and said with a shrug. "I like potions, but for my career, I would like to work on an interdisciplinary field. Something that poses more challenges. I was hoping that after I got my potion mastery, I would get to work on mixing potions and spells or work on potions that would affect wards." After seeing the intense look Dumbledore was giving him, Severus regretted adding the last sentence.

Truth was that, he never told anyone about his ideas. When they were children, he had talked with Lily about his dream career, but that was before he realized that creating new potions, while fascinating, will not satisfy him. Other than that, this was the first time someone was actually interested in what he wanted and for a moment he forgot who he was talking to. He forgot that he shouldn't trust Dumbledore. Dumbledore already knew too much about him and had too much power over him. Sharing something so personal would give him even more power. Severus promised himself that from that point, he would be more careful about what he told Dumbledore.

Unbeknownst to what was going in Severus's mind, Dumbledore's head was reeling from the ingenuity of the ideas. While the idea of potion-spells were not exactly new, creating potions that would affect wards, was. And what was even more important, was that this idea was exactly the type of things that could give them an edge in the war.

At that moment, he knew that he made the right decision to support Severus. Severus, with his level of intelligence and skill, was exactly the type of person that the side of light needed. And as Severus's guardian, he was in the perfect position to influence Severus and bring him to the right side. Thinking like that, Albus' every effort was like an investment. With that in mind, he said.

"Those are very interesting ideas, but if you want, instead of apprenticing in potions, you can apprentice in a more specific field that you like, such as potion-spell mastery, mage magic mastery, or even alchemy." With every option, Severus' eyes widened a little more. Dumbledore ignored Severus' reaction and continued. "I know some of the people that work in these areas and I can recommend you. So, you only need to think about which field you like." He stopped for a few moments to let his words sink in, before continuing. "But since all of these fields require similar NEWTs, I think we can skip it for now. So that you have more time to think about which field you would like to apprentice in. For all these fields you need a NEWT in Transfigurations, Potions, Herbology, Ancient Runes, Advanced Arithmancy Studies, Care of Magical Creatures, Astronomy, Charms, and Defense against Dark Arts. There was no demand for an Alchemy class, so that is not an option…..But if you are interested, I can give you some private tutoring in your free time."

Severus was not sure what was happening. For a moment he thought he must be dreaming. There was no way Dumbledore actually meant that, because it was one thing to take Severus's guardianship out of pity. It was a completely different matter to offer to instruct him in Alchemy. There was no reason for Dumbledore's sudden generosity and it meant that either he was dreaming or if he was awake, some trick was going on. But before he could think more on that and try to figure out where the trick was, Dumbledore continued. "So, when you are feeling up to it, you should start studying, in order to catch up with your classes. I can talk to your professors to see if they can tutor you privately to help you catch up. Minerva – I mean Professor McGonagall has already volunteered to help you with your Transfigurations class. We will see about other professors. I will order your textbooks, so you can start on the theoretical part as soon as you can. For the practicals, we need to wait for Po– Madam Pomfrey to give you a clean bill of health." Here Dumbledore stopped, clearly waiting for a reaction from Severus.

Severus was not sure how he was supposed to feel, let alone how to react. He felt like he had walked into an alternative universe or something. Last year Dumbledore treated him like he was less than the dirt under his feet. Other professors were indifferent to his existence. Now, Dumbledore acted like he was his long lost child and McGonagall volunteered to help him with Transfigurations. 'It is possibly because they pity him. The gallant Gryfindors saving and helping the poor pathetic Slytherin.' He thought bitterly. While it made sense for McGonagall to act thusly on pity, Dumbledore's behavior did not made sense. 'Anyway, it is not like you can change it' another part of his mind popped up. 'So you might as well make the best of it, until it lasts. It is not that different from your situation with the other Slytherins.'

But that was not actually true. It was different with his housemates. With them, he knew that as long as he showed his talents and made himself useful – like helping them with the homework (or writing it for them), or brewed and sold potions to them, then he would be left alone or in Lucius' case, have their support to build a future for himself. The problem with dealing with Dumbledore and McGonagall was that he didn't know where he stood with them. He didn't know when their well of pity would dry off and leave him to fend for himself. But the voice in his mind was right about one thing: He could not change anything about it, so he might as well make the best of it while it lasts. Having made up his mind, he said in a respectful tone. "I would appreciate that, Sir."

"Excellent!" Dumbledore exclaimed happily. "So that's settled. Now let's get you something to eat for lunch."

~~oOo~~

Too soon for Severus's comfort, the day of Lily's visit arrived. He didn't sleep well last night. He had this strange dream about a hooded figure – which turned to his father, then to Lucius, Dumbledore, and Lily – belittling and humiliating him and telling him what a worthless pathetic creature he was. All the while Potter and Black were dancing with a transformed Werewolf-Lupin in the background, while Pettigrew and some of his Slytherin's housemates were singing out of tune, a song about the full moon. Afterwards, no matter how tired he was or how much he tried, he could not go back to sleep. It was with trepidation that he ate his breakfast and made himself comfortable to wait for McGonagall to show up with Lily.

~~oOo~~

Lily was sitting at the breakfast table with her friends. She was done eating, but since she had a free period next, she was in no hurry to go. It was just the middle of October, but she was totally exhausted from the school work. The situation with Severus was making things worse for her. Patience was never her strong suit and now she was left with only a promise that she would be able to visit Severus when he was better.

Shaking her head, she came back to the present and listened to Alice who was talking, yet again, about how she received a letter from the 'now Headboy' Frank Longbottom over the summer. Lily did not know Frank very well, but she saw how he was looking at her friend since their third year. Also, she knew that Alice had a crush on Frank since last year, when he stood up to some Slytherins and defended two first year Hufflepuff students. So it was nice to see that he finally gathered enough courage to make a move. True, he had not asked her out,...yet, but sending that letter was a step in the right direction.

Speaking about the right direction, tomorrow was the first Hogsmead trip and James has asked her to go out with him. Out of corner of her eyes, she could see him and his friends who were also sitting and chatting with each other. She had not answered him yet, but her friends were pushing her to give him a chance. She was thinking that it would not hurt to go out once with him. Her thought were interrupted as she heard someone clearing their throats behind her. Turning around, she looked up into the stern face of her head of house.

"Miss. Evans, please come with me."

Lily who was surprised and confused, blurted out. "Professor, what is this about?" The Gryffindors table went silent, every one trying to see what was going on.

"This is about our talk a few days ago." McGonagall said pointedly.

When Lily understood the meaning of the professors' words, her breath caught in her throat. It was too early. She was not ready. She still had not figured out what she was going to say to him. Seeing that the professor was clearly waiting for her response, she nodded with a mumbled "yes, ma'am", picked up her bag, and with a promise to her friends that she would catch up with them later, followed McGonagall out of the Great Hall. She did not see the concerned hazel eyes which were trailed on her back.

~~oOo~~

Five minutes after making himself comfortable, Severus felt like the wait will kill him. So, he called one of the house elves that Dumbledore usually calls, Tipsy, and asked him to give him one of the book in the chest on the bureau. He gave Severus what looked like his mother's seventh year potion textbook. Severus opened the book and tried to read, knowing full well that he was not going to understand even one word of it.

~~oOo~~

Lily did not know what she expected, but going to Headmaster's office and through there to Headmaster's quarters was not it. Before she could take more than a glance at the living area, Professor McGonagall took her to a closed door and told her it was Severus's room. Lily stood there for a few moments hesitating, fully aware of the stare of her head of house, before she gathered her Gryffindor courage and knocked.

She heard Severus' voice from the other side and her heart leapt. The last time she heard Severus's voice, was when he was apologizing to her, more then four months ago. At that time, she never thought that she was going to almost loose Severus to death. Shaking the thought away, she opened the door and went inside, not noticing her head of house departing. Severus was looking better than he did when she last saw him in Hospital Wing. He was still thinner than last year. His hair was also longer than how he kept it, but it was shiny and had a slight curl at the end. He was leaning against the headboard and was wearing black silk pajamas. There was a book open in his lap. In total, he looked different and at the same time, so Severus that it made her smile. She wanted to hug him. Then she finally made eye contact with her old friend and it wiped the smile of her face. The eyes that met hers were tired – 'like he was tired of living' a voice said at the back of her mind which she pushed away – and wary. She did not know why Severus would be wary of her and was not sure what she should do, so she cleared her throat and said simply. "Hi"

"Hi" Severus replied rather quietly.

They stared at each other for a few moments in silence, before Lily composed herself, closed the door, and sat down on the single chair beside the bed. But she still did not know to what to say. So there was another few moments of awkward silence. The awkwardness did not sit well with Lily. Severus was her friend for six years. While they had a falling out and had not seen each other for a few months, their interactions should not be this awkward. Wanting to get rid of this awkwardness, she squared her shoulders, met Severus's eyes, and asked "How are you?"

She got just a shrug as answer, but did not let that deter her. "I'm really glad that you are awake, I was really worried." A part of Severus was happy. 'She was worried! She still cares!' Severus opened his mouth to reassure her, but instead what came out was:

"Why?"

"What?"

"Why were you worried? Why have you came today? Last I remember, you did not want to do anything with me." It seemed that after that first question, he could not stop himself anymore.

"I was angry then!" Lily said. The conversation was going in a direction that she never thought of.

"What changed now?"

"Well, after I saw you in Hospital wing on the first night you were brought in, the headmaster sought me out and we had a talk in his office –" Severus's heart sank. Dumbledore lied. Lily did not want anything to do with him and was here solely because Dumbledore put her up to it.

"So you have not came because you cared, you came because Dumbledore told you to!" Severus said accusingly.

"That is not true!" Lily said, frustrated that Severus did not let her finish what she was saying.

"So what? You took pity on me because I'm like this?" Lily opened her mouth to object, but her eyes flicked and she hesitated for a moment. Taking that as an affirmation, Severus said. "That's it! You took pity on me, because now I'm like this! Well, I don't want your pity, so you can leave!" Severus said in anger. Just the thought that Lily found him to be this pathetic made him want to shrivel up and die.

"That's not it, Severus! I really care about you!" Lily said heatedly, her temper rising, as well.

"Oh? If you care so much, then why you ended our friendship?" Severus said the word 'care' with a sneer.

"I ended it, because you didn't care! Because you were befriending those Slytherin boys!"

"How is it that you can be friends with girls and boys of your house, but I can't?"

"Because those Slytherins are evil! They are Death Eater wannabes! They –" Severus cut her off.

"I don't think they would talk with you about their future plans, so I don't see how you would know." Severus said coldly. "And even if that is so, I don't see –" Lily cut him off, this time.

"Severus, how can you say that?! They are practicing dark spells on the students. Have you forgotten what Mulciber did to Mary? He used a dark spell on her!"

"Do you or your friend, Mary, practice dark arts?" Severus said, trying to build up his argument.

"What? No! Of course not!" Lily denied strongly. At her response, Severus continued

"Then how do you know it was a dark spell? Has anyone with the knowledge of dark arts, ever confirm that a dark spell was used?"

"There is no need for that! It was obvious! A nasty spell like that can only be a dark spell!" Lily said like she was stating an obvious fact.

"So if every spell with a nasty effect is a dark spell, then how is it that what Potter and his gang do is not considered dark?" Severus said angrily.

"They won't use nasty or dark spells!" Lily defended.

"So dumping me on my head is not nasty! Tripping me down three flight of stairs or making me chock to death on soapsuds wasn't nasty! Of course, it wasn't! Anything the Griffindor golden boys do to me is harmless schoolyard prank and whatever me or my housemates do is called nasty and dark!" Severus said bitterly.

"I did not say that!"

"No, you didn't but your dear headmaster did! He even didn't care whether I lived or died!" Severus replied.

"That is not true! He surely cares. McGonagall told me he had taken your guardianship. If he didn't care why would he do that?" Lily tried to reason with Severus.

Severus snorted. "Maybe to keep an eye on a dark wizard in training… or maybe I'm of some use to him!"

"Stop it, Severus! Since you became friends with these Slytherin boys, you think everyone is against you!" Lily said angrily.

"But aren't they?" Severus retorted.

"What?" Lily faltered for a moment, but then found her voice again. "No, they wouldn't be if you were not like this! If you stopped using dark arts, stopped being friends with those boys,...if….if you tried to be more approachable, then you would see!"

"In other words, if I change myself and become what they want me to, then they would give me a chance?" Severus concluded coldly. "Is that what you did? Behaved how they wanted, so they would give you a chance?"

"What? No, don't you twist my words! And it is not like I said anything unreasonable! I only said to not use dark spells. I don't understand why you would want to learn something that is only for hurting people!"

"How would you know that, when you hadn't read one single book about dark arts?" Severus challenged.

"Everyone knows it! Professor Cuddmome explicitly said that last year!" Lily said frustrated. She did not understand why Severus was trying to be difficult on purpose. He was acting like he was ignorant of how awful dark arts were.

"Cuddmome is an imbecile who also said that even looking at a dark arts book on the shelf can make you loose your soul! How would he know anything about the dark arts, when he is even scared of looking at a dark arts book on the shelf!"

"Even if we don't consider that, it is obvious. Take Killing Curse for example, how it can be anything other than evil?" Lily asked.

"It can be used for mercy killing, as well as, murder, but I didn't say everything in the dark arts is good. However, why should I put the whole thing away just because it has some bad sides? After all, one can murder with a knife, as well, but I don't see you putting aside using knives completely." Severus said haughtily.

"That's different!" Lily said indignantly.

"What is so different? Magic, light or dark, is like a knife, you can use it for good or bad. You can use a dark spell to protect others and at the same time, use a light spell to hurt innocent people." Severus explained.

"No, that is not true! Light spells are not like that!" Lily argued.

"No? Do you know what happens if you summon something heavy when someone is standing on its path? Or what happens if you use Petrificus Totalus, tripping jinx, Mobilicorpus, Obscuro, or Stupify spell on someone on the edge of a high place or water edge? Or if you cast Jelly-leg curse on someone standing on top of stairs? Or if you cast Lumus Maxima directly in someone's eyes or cast drying charm on their eyes?… Do you know what happens if you keep Scougrifying someone's airway for too long or Augmantee charm for that matter!" With each words, Lily's eyes grew wider. "And these are just some of the light spells that their purpose is not to hurt, but can be used for hurting people! There are other spells like Furnunculus which covers the victim in boils!" Severus said frustrated.

"Did James use all of those spells on you?" Lily asked, because she could not even imagine how would some of them would occur to Severus. Also, James has already used Scougrify on Severus, before Severus said that nasty word to her.

"That is not the point!" Severus said frustrated. "I'm saying that not all dark spells are nasty and meant to hurt! There are even dark healing spells! But even if all of dark spells were nasty, not studying them isn't the answer! How are you supposed to fight something you don't know? How can you know what to use against a dark spell, when you don't know whether a shield spell can stop it or not? Or whether it can make any dangerous combination like exploding effect with simple spells like the disarming spell? If you don't study the background of the making of the spell, its incantation, its structure, or its effect, how can you know how to fight it?" Severus tried to make Lily understand.

He didn't mention that dark arts could be much more powerful than any light spells. That learning it makes him feel less helpless, it gave him the courage and confidence to fight Maraudars four to one. It made his housemates respect him a little and also more hesitant to harass him. It helped him feel powerful….less pathetic. During summers, it helped him to forget about his drunk father moving around the house, drinking and shouting. Learning the theories and mastering dark spells helped him believe in his intelligence, his skill. Because, unlike potions, Severus was not good at Dark Arts because he was a Prince – his mother always compared him to his grandfather when it came to potions –, no, he was good at dark arts, because of his efforts, not his genes. When learning dark arts, he passed challenge after challenge with hard work. It was the one thing where it was about only Severus. It had nothing to do with him being the boy from the wrong side of town, him being a Slytherin, being a Half-blood, being a Prince. So, no, dark arts was not about hurting people, it was about a lot more than that, specially to Severus. But he didn't mention any of that, because after five years, he knew Lily would not understand. So he tried to put it in a way that would make sense to Lily.

"Fine, the study of the theoretical aspects of it might be useful, but it does not mean that you and your housemates should practice them!" Lily said spitefully.

"Ha! As if Dumbledore would let any Slytherin use dark arts in the school without punishing or expelling them! He, who is waiting to find any excuse to punish Slytherins!" They looked at each other for a few moments. Then suddenly Severus felt completely exhausted. It was like he had spent all his energy in this conversation, trying to make Lily understand, and all of that for what? Lily would never understand. Would never accept him as he is. His head dropped and his shoulders' slumped at that thought. He sighed and said. "Well, maybe he does allow them, because apparently the only one who everyone have a problem with is me. Most probably because, as Potter and Black so aptly put it, I exist!" He chuckled humorlessly.

"That's not true! I care for you, Severus" Lily said softly.

"Yes, that's why you forgave Potter for threatening to hex you, but you didn't forgave me for slip of a word!" Severus said mockingly.

"I didn't forgave him!"

"Then why the very next day you were all seating together at the lake?" At Lily's shocked face, he continued. "Yes, I saw you!"

"I didn't forgave him! I only went there because Alice and Mary insisted I sit with them for a little bit. And then James and his friends came over. But that doesn't matter! Because you were supposed to be my best friend and yet, you said that to me! Do you know how much it hurt?" Lily said, hurt clear in her voice.

"And you were supposed to be my best friend, yet you didn't help me that day!" Severus retorted.

"Didn't help you? Didn't help you? I came to your help, you…..you….you ungrateful…" She trailed off, unable to find the appropriate word to describe him.

"Yes, you didn't help me! You just came and started flirting with Potter." Severus said angrily.

"Flirting with potter? Are you deaf? Didn't you hear what I said to him?" Lily was fuming. After all she had done. All the time she defended Severus to her friends. All the time she helped him. He was accusing her of being a bad friend, of not helping him! The nerve of him!

"Yes, flirting with him! Why did you just stood there and asked him to free me, when you could have disarmed them, freed me, and reported them! Aren't you a witch and a perfect?" Severus said spitefully.

Lily faltered for a moment, before gathering herself and answering. "That does not justify what you did! You called me a mudblood!" At this point, they both were shouting.

"Because you smiled!" At that admission, Severus' eyes widened, as if that part was not meant to slip out. Then he sighed like all fight has left him. He averted his eyes and continued, his quivering voice gave away how hard he was trying to not cry. "When I was being humiliated by those goons, you smiled! You thought my humiliation was funny!" Lily's eye widened and her eyes started to tear up. It seemed that a dam had broken and Severus kept talking. "You called me 'Snivilious' and said 'I should wash my pants', as if it is my fault they are like that – you knew it was not my fault they were like that!" The last part was whispered so quietly that Lily was not sure she heard right. "But that's not all. You have been avoiding me the whole last year, don't think I have not noticed! You would tell me you will not go to Hogsmead since you were behind in some course and then, the next day you were there spending the whole day with your friends. When we were supposed to meet, suddenly, you remembered you had to meet your friends and help them with homework, or you were supposed to meet with the Hufflepuff you were tutoring, or something came up and its girls related, so you can't tell me. And all of those needed to happen at the exact time we usually met. You ditched me again and again for meeting your housemates!" At this point Severus was shaking from the efforts of controlling his emotions. Lily's tears started to fall. She had never seen Severus like this. Last year, each time Lily told Severus, she needed to go, Severus calmly accepted. He never complained. Lily thought that Severus preferred to spend time with his housemates rather than her and just didn't tell her outright to not hurt her feelings. So, instead she did it, because she didn't want to cling to someone who didn't want to be friends with her. And it was not easy either, it hurt! But all those times, she never thought she was hurting Severus. Hurting both Severus and herself. Severus voice brought her out of her thoughts.

"Leave" Severus said quietly.

Lily took one step toward bed and said "Sev–", but Severus cut her off and said louder.

"I said leave! You are just like everyone else!" His voice was shaking.

"Severus–" Lily tried again.

"Get out! Get out!" Severus shouted and Lily who did not want to upset him more, ran to the door and exited the room.

Severus closed his eyes and let his tears fall. In less than a minute, he was sobbing openly.

A/N: *sigh* teenagers. In my plot table, I had Lily and Severus talk and it was supposed to be something not long, then they started to argue and suddenly the chapter changed from ~4500 words chapter to a ~6800 words chapter!

Just a note, Severus and Lily are arguing about Dark Arts, not having a philosophical debate, so some of the stuff they say must be taken with a grain of salt! *shrug*