Chapter 13 - Motherly Love

Water dripped from his face, blood oozed out of his body, his consciousness faded in and out, and his will was destroyed.

This is the current state of Natsuki Subaru.

"Orphe…" His name echoed throughout Subaru's mind as his body suffered. Waterboarding, cutting, punches, burning, and all the other torture methods Subaru could think of. They all happened to him.

It's been 3 days since he's been stuck in this damn chair. He remembered everything that happened in detail. Every word that monster spoke, he'll remember forever. Subaru Natsuki never forgets.

Even with all of his effort, Subaru st..ill fade..d in and of c..onsciousn..ess…

"I never would've guessed you'd be a witch cultist brother. Russell will be pleased, another fool destroyed by the hands of the Six Tongues." Orphe gave Subaru a thumbs up. "It seems our client was right to add those wristbands." His face burst into a smile as he saw Subaru's sorrowful state.

Client? Witch Cultist? Russell? Who were those people? All of their names were foreign to Subaru. It was a puzzle he could crack… given the correct circumstances. The shine of the steel waiting to be used on the table next to him, or the dreadful smell that lingered in the air. Nothing here was correct, nothing here even felt alive.

"Ah," Subaru muttered, barely audible to his own ears. He could never get much rest, sleep was off the table, but his fading consciousness was the only thing that allowed him to get even a sliver of rest.

Felt… She has once again died in this loop. He didn't know when she was struck, and how she was controlled, but he knew one thing for sure, she was no more. He didn't know if his next checkpoint would even allow him to save her. Hell, he didn't even know if he'd have a next time when he died. Return by death is an ability that was never explained to him, so you can't blame a man for guessing.

"I wonder where you went, Scarlet." He would've believed them to be dead if he couldn't feel the faint, but miraculously still working contract between him, and Scarlet.

"What am I doing with myself? I can't die, I can't even save everyone. Felt died to my ignorance, the knights died to my spell, and my spirit is nowhere to be found. The spirit that carried me this far. I wish I would've been a better contractor. I'm pathetic aren't I? Wishing to have been better now that it's too late… but it's true, I only ever used it when I needed something. It helped me many times before, but I could never understand it without the help of another. I can't save anyone, not even a little spirit

"Hmmm, I didn't know Witch Cultists could use spirits! I'm glad our client didn't let us kill you brother. I would've missed out on a ton of information, don't you think?" Orphe said, energic as ever. He wouldn't stop asking questions. Every smile was meant to elicit a response, and then he used that response to ask more questions. It was a never-ending spiral.

"I'll tell you one hundred times, I'm not a…witch cultist, and I don't know what…that is." Subaru stammered between breaths, as he denied the title he was given.

"Brother, facts are facts. The world doesn't always give you a wonderful hand to play." Orphe said as he was preparing another tool.

"I don't give a shit about what kind of facts you believe. I just want to get out of this chair with Scarlet in tow." Subaru yelled as he pulled back against his restraints.

"Awww, the Witch Cultist cares about his Spirit because he can't take over Lugnica without it." Orphe's face suddenly turned serious "Not going to work here."

He had very little time without Orphe at least being near him. So right now he was blessed for Orphe to have needed to take care of something, as it gave him the thing he needed the most right now. Time to think.

Without knowing it, Orphe destroyed what Subaru could do best. Die. He was given plenty of food and water. Orphe always forcefully made him drink some blood which healed any damages he may have sustained from the torture. It was truly hell as he was also completely chained in a way where he couldn't move. He tried biting his tongue off, but he'd always fail.

So, all he could do here is wait for a chance that would never come.

Subaru was never one for religion. His parents just never taught him anything about it, so he never understood it like everyone else, but now he finally understands religion. When people are in situations that are out of their control. When all they can do is despair. That's what religion is for, at least to Subaru. As such, it felt like he prayed to every god there is before anything happened.

"Zeus? That's it… That's the last one I can remember." Subaru thought. He finally had nothing more to say, as he was done with every god he could think of. Nothing changed, but it staved off giving up.

"What's this feeling…" Subaru muttered. A form of warmth spread through his body. Unlike everything else in this god-forbidden place, the warmth felt comforting. He felt it once before, but he couldn't pinpoint where he felt this warmth.

A foreign thought entered his head. He was spooked by the sudden thought until he realized who it was from. "Contractor…you…are…here."

The words of the spirit he long thought gone reappeared within him. Scarlet materialized in front of him, ready for action.

"Scarlet… is that you?" Subaru let out his pathetic question, but even with his disgusting actions towards his Spirit, Scarlet gave Subaru a spin around his head. He always enjoyed when it did that.

Subaru put on his fake smile and began to advance his goal. "Hahahahahaha, I can't believe you came for me." His urge to laugh caught both himself and Scarlet off guard. "Well, at least you came at the right time…" Subaru flashed a weak smile before continuing with his sentence.

"Hey… Scarlet. Would you mind…killing me? Preferably in a painless way." His eyes reared towards the ground as he could no longer bare to look at his spirit. Resorting to assisted suicide, he truly was useless. He couldn't even kill himself, that's how much of a burden he was to everyone around him. Just a boy that leeches off of others' kindness.

He couldn't tell what the spirit was thinking. If only Scarlet had a body to move, a mouth to speak, and a face to show. Even with these limitations, Subaru could imagine the face that it would make. A scorn, and a glare. Those were the only things he deserved.

"Kill…you?" Scarlet's hesitant voice entered Subaru's mind. When Scarlet spoke in the past, it always had a neutral tone. Never any fear, pain, happiness, or any other emotion he could think of. He assumed that spirits couldn't have emotions, but he finally heard it… or thought it? Whatever, he felt the emotions. Fear, nervousness, hesitation. Subaru didn't know why Scarlet was emotionless before, but it was now. All due to his nature of being a shut-in. A failure.

"Look, I know it's sudden, but I need you to do this. I want to save everyone, no, I NEED to save everyone." Subaru said.

Even at his worst, he could put on a persona. Did he really want to save everyone, or did he just want to escape from this hell hole? Not even he knows the reason. He forgot the last time he was himself. With his classmates? Nope, Parents? Nope, Friends? Nope… with himself? No. He is the only person he could be himself around. If he isn't even true to himself, then what was he? Was he the clown hiding behind the mask, or was he the mask himself?

"Contractor… good… live…death…wrong." The spirits said the words any half-decent person would say. Well, it wasn't perfect English, but the message came across. Killing himself wasn't worth it.

They don't understand. His death is the only use he could bring. The only thing keeping his connections alive. He is useless without this ability. The power granted to him by a witch he has no connection to. If only he was allowed to talk about it, if only he could speak his mind.

"You just don't get it. You never will! Just… do what you're supposed to. Kill me. I'm expendable." If they can't understand, then they should just follow him. He knows what to do. Why don't they just follow him? Allow him to do his only job. He doesn't deserve much more.

"I can't…mother told me…no."

Mother? Who the hell was mother!? Subaru's the contractor, the partner. Why is there someone else involved? Why couldn't it just do what it's supposed to? Like a good spirit. This thing has got to be a bad one.

"I'm good, huh? Your mother told you no? Just who do you think I am? I'll tell you again, you know nothing about me. I'm the worst type of failure. The failure that never gives up, and just keeps on failing. They put a burden on their family, friends, and everyone they meet. Everything I do will just cause more corpses to pile up. Even when I get lucky, and finally get it right, I'll just fumble my way into another mess. People have lived without me for hundreds, no, thousands of years! I'm not worth saving, I'm not even worth being cared about, not by you, or your mother. Broken, that's the only word to describe me."

Even with all of those words, Subaru knew he was being a hypocrite. This was a vast world, and he could disappear from it within seconds. If he believed what he was spouted out deep down, then he wouldn't be trying to kill himself. He'd take the chance he had right now to escape, but he was a coward. It was incomprehensible even to himself, but he just couldn't give up. He was too scared to give up. Not yet at least.

Scarlet was the only constant in his life. Every other person changed and morphed in each loop, but Scarlet always stayed the same. Always trying to help him. Always being there. So, it would only make sense for it to kill him.

"Look at me. I'm a mess. Even if I lived, what would be the point? Scarlet, please end my suffering and be the one to kill me." Subaru placed his gamble. This was his chance to restart.

A warmth resonated within Subaru's body, but it wasn't the comfortable warmth of before, this time he felt a flame. It was finally time for him to die. It would've been nice if he got more information on Scarlet's mother, but that's something he could handle later.

Bang!

A sound resonated throughout his cell, as the warmth escaped Subaru. Why didn't Scarlet kill him? What happened? Just let him die!

In his fury, he tried to move his body, expecting to be restrained, but then he noticed he had free movement. The restraints placed on him by Orphe were now destroyed by Scarlet's fire magic.

Subaru took a moment to process that he could stand. He looked around the room with fresh eyes, as he rigidly used the arms on his chair to assist him in standing up. His eyes lingered when they reached the table of torture devices. He could kill himself with any of those if he wanted to.

"Guess I have options now." Subaru thought.

He stumbled his way to the table and took a bloodied knife. The one Orphe had used to cut him many times these past few days. With time, he knew all the places that wouldn't kill him, and more importantly, he realized where all his vitals were. That information won't be necessary though, as Subaru put the knife to his neck.

"Scarlet's not doing anything… it seems like it finally realized how worthless I am. Now I just have to… finish it." Subaru waited a few seconds, then he waited for a few more. His heartbeat sped up, and his breathing slowed.

"If I close my eyes, and plunge the knife into my neck, I'll die. What will happen if I die again? What if this is my last try." His body started to shake as fear embedded its nasty claws into his heart.

After a few more seconds, he dropped the knife and fell to the ground. Sweat kept rolling down his face as he saw the knife he just held in front of him. The floor was soaked with his blood.

"I just needed to move my hand a little bit… I can't even… I can't even do something so simple…"

Subaru didn't have the courage to do it. It was funny how weak his resolve was; all that was left for him was to cry as his spirit watched from above.

"Contractor...good…that is why…you…live," A voice was heard within him, even above his tears of sorrow. Scarlet.

Subaru slowly regained his balance and stood up. He eerily turned to look at the floating spirit. Was it trying to taunt him? He was a good-for-nothing person. All he could do was let Felt die in his hands, and kill innocent guards trying to do their job.

"I wish I never contracted you." Subaru was surprised by the words he just spouted. Was it the torture? Was it Scarlet's fault? or was he always like this? Who knows, but right now, even Subaru knows he is about to say something he'll regret.

"You had one job, and that was to be my partner. Partners should see when the other is too much of a failure, and disconnect with them. But no, you're just BLIND to what I am. I'll spell it out for you. I'm a failure. I fight but I have no strength. I want to protect when I run away. I pretend I'm good enough to be of use to Crusch when I wouldn't even be of use to a pig. I don't think, and that burdens others. I'm useless but I try to find a use. I'm destined to have no friends, but I struggle to have just one…"

"I hate you" Felt's words ran through his mind.

"I-i…" Subaru faltered as memories of his failures surged.

"Here is a piece of advice for you, think about what others say, and most importantly, think about what you say before you speak" The words spoken to him by his now friend, Felix. He still remembered when he sat in that prison cell. Alone and cold.

"Love and Suffering… are the same person with a different mask." The last words he heard on his first death. The thing to start it all. Back then he didn't understand the meanings of those words, but now he realized how profound they are.

"I'll just end up killing everyone around us. Hell, knowing me, it'll be the worst death you could imagine. Being a spirit, you must not understand pain. You must not understand how I feel. Nobody can. So, cut the mother crap. Just do you're job or leave." Subaru swung his arm out at nothing to make his final point clear.

Demanding that a celestial being leave because it won't satisfy his whims. Ha, it's not even funny anymore. Why was he like this?

Too bad he won't get the answer.

A pair of hands gripped the wall of his room, as the voice of his nightmare spoke.

"Leave? We're just getting started, Cultist-bro." Orphe's disgusting body reared out the corner as he made his way into the room. This was the worst time for him to show up. He is the last person who Subaru wanted to die from.

"Orphe…" Subaru growled out. He couldn't do much more than stare at him with the most amount of hatred he could muster for a single individual. Subaru would feel no pity if this monster died.

"That isn't a very nice reaction. We should talk about it, but first, you need to stay still." Orphe made his move as he threw a group of high-speed needles at Subaru. He wasn't fast enough to dodge them.

"Damn it!" Subaru thought as his muscles tensed up, ready to get pierced. Alas, nothing happened as he felt an inferno erupt in front of him. Debris spread across the room as the fight began. Scarlet used a few goa's allowing a distance between it and Orphe.

"Ah, you're finally putting on a good show. Wonderful, truly wonderful." A wry smile emerged as Orphe raised his hand and began his attack. "El Minya." 40 purple crystals materialized and flung at Subaru, and the spirit.

A wall of fire was birthed from the ground to protect Subaru from the upcoming attacks. More crystals were shot out as Scarlet held its ground. Each time it used a fire attack, more and more of its body become translucent. Almost as if its life force was being drained away.

"Run…leave…" Scarlet voiced out. Even though Subaru wanted to stay and help, his cowardice didn't allow him to.

"I'm sorry Scarlet," Subaru muttered as he ran out of the room, and into the dark eerie hallway. The music of battle slowly faded into the background as Subaru sprinted with all his might. He felt like his legs would give out any second now, but he couldn't stop. His body didn't let him.

"I can't help anyone! Nobody! I'm useless, Orphe was right, nobody wants someone like me. NOBODY!" Subaru thought to himself as he looked at the cells around him. His cell was at the end of the hallway, but he never realized there were more like him. Most of them looked dead, but some showed signs of life. He wasn't in the mental state to check.

As he reached the end of the hallway, a glaring realization hit him. The end of the hallway was just another cell. He didn't know where to escape from. Once this realization hit him, his legs finally gave in, and he once more fell to the ground.

"Huh? Are you here to save me?" A man asked. Subaru was too tired to give him much more than a passing glance, but he observed some gray hair and green clothes on the man.

"Save you? I can't even save myself." Subaru used his hands to push himself off the ground, but he couldn't muster much more. It almost looked like he was praying as he gave the man a wry smile.

"Ah, you're just like me then." The man muttered to himself. Subaru could have sworn he added something about oil, but not much more was said after that as the roars of battle started to be heard once again. Signaling that the fight was heading closer to them.

"Give yourself a break, I'm worse than you could ever imagine," Subaru said.

"Well, you don't seem so b-" The man promptly stopped his sentence mid-way through. Subaru was unnerved by this behavior, before noticing he felt something on his back. He tried to move, but it felt like his entire body was turned to stone.

"I haven't fought that hard in a while. You have a decent Spirit Witch Cultist Bro." Orphe's steps could be heard as he walked towards Subaru and the man. Scarlet had lost.

Subaru could feel the burnt hands touch his shoulders as Orphe's mouth was near his ears. Subaru could even feel his breathing.

"You'll earn my favorite award for this…" Orphe gave a pause, allowing Subaru to run through the possibilities of what he was about to say. "The worst death you could imagine."

As soon as Subaru processed his words, a surge of pain went through his body. It was as if a fire was burning his skin, muscles, and even heart out. He wanted to squeeze his body so tight that he'd bleed. Anything to let out some of the pain he was feeling. All of this while not being able to move.

"Ah, you're probably feeling it right? It's always so awkward because they look fine." Orphe off-handedly commented.

Orphe was suddenly pulled away from Subaru by two whips made of flame. Orphe's body was pulled so suddenly that he slammed into the wall. Subaru didn't notice a thing as his vision started to blur.

"Ah, you're still alive, eh? Better than I thought." Was the last thing Subaru heard before the room was engulfed in flames. It seems like Scarlet was the one to kill him after all.

While his skin was being torn off, and his flesh was now see-through, he had to comment on the comfort of it all. The pain that Orphe had given to him was no more; all he could feel was a comforting warmth. He was reminded of the warmth in his hand while he tried to sleep. Why did he enjoy it so much anyways? Oh yeah… " A flashback to a face he once saw every day appeared.

It reminded him of the motherly love he once felt.

"Save everyone next time." A female voice said. He didn't know why, but those last words felt a little bit odd.

"I'm sorry."

The words he never thought of hearing again. Looking at the blonde-haired girl in front of him felt more like looking at a painting than anything. He noticed details of her body that he never once thought of. Her eyes looked bigger, her hair was more golden, and her face was calmer. At least to his eyes, she looked different. It was all too overwhelming.

Subaru pulled Felt into a hug without much thought. He had checked to make sure there was no needle on her neck before continuing the hug. All the pain, all the suffering, all the disgusting words he said, it was all worth it. He finally got to see Felt again. He had a chance to see Felix, Wilhelm, Crusch, hell, even Julius. He had gotten another chance at life.

Save everyone next time.

Subaru wanted to scream, he wanted to cry, but he knew Felt wouldn't like it. So, he did what he did best, and hid it deep within his heart.

Subaru Natsuki will forget what happened. Happily ever after.

Yeah right.

"Felt…" Subaru whispered. Felt blushed at his sudden action.

"Get it together, Get it together, Get it together." Subaru thought. Even with his best effort, this front won't hold up much longer, so he had to act fast before he broke. As if he was drinking all the milk before it goes rotten.

Subaru let Felt go from his embrace, and turned around. Without hesitation, Subaru punched himself in the face.

"AH! That hurts way more than I thought it did." A wry smile was plastered on Subaru's face.

"What the hell was that for!? I would've punched you myself if you didn't do it for me." Felt reverted to her normal, non-huggable state. "You gotta tell me before you go ahead and start doing random stuff!"

Felt then glanced down at the ground and mumbled something about being ok. It seemed like he was making her worried. Another failure on his part.

"She is getting worried… I need to fix myself for now. I'll deal with it later."

"Sorry, don't worry about me!" Subaru put his hands behind his neck as he gave his fake response. Time was limited, so he had to act fast. He was going to have a lot of explaining to do later. "Felt, if I told you our lives were at risk right now, would you believe me?"

The question was sudden to Felt, but her face became much more serious. "Ya know something I don't?"

"I guess I do," Subaru said.

Felt huffed as she started rubbing her finger on her forehead. "I knew you were a weirdo."

Subaru's face looked downcast with Felt's response, but then she continued. "I believe you, what do I need to do?"

"She… believed me?" Subaru was astonished at the outcome.

"Well…" Subaru grabbed onto his wristband and ripped it off him. "We need to get out of here." Felt's eyes widened, but before she could say anything, he grabbed her wrist and made a mad dash for the exit. The customers were disturbed by his panic, but they did not attempt to do anything.

It didn't take long for them to make their way towards the exit and onto the streets. The people around them looked worried but still ignored them either way. He didn't care as he kept running.

"Running out of a casino feels way shorter when you're not getting chased by guards." Subaru thought to himself. Since he was too busy thinking, and not focusing on his surroundings, he eventually bumped into a sturdy man and fell to the ground.

"Subaru? You seem to be in a panic. Are you hurt?" The man asked.

Subaru looked up at the person he bumped into. Of course, he had to burden another person. He had expected a normal person when he faced upwards, but what he wasn't expecting was hope in the form of purple hair and a sword. The finest knight looked down on Subaru, unknowing that he may have changed Subaru's fate forever.

There was only one thing that Subaru could think of once he saw Julius for the second time.

"Hero."

It's crazy to see how Subaru thinks of Julius now vs in canon. I wonder if you guys like it. This chapter was very experimental since it focused on two "minor" characters, Scarlet, and Orphe. Emphasis on quotation marks. I would love any feedback on it!

Here are some questions to think about. What did the words mean before Subaru died? Why couldn't Subaru move? What was the blood Subaru had drunk? Who was Orphe's client? What will Subaru tell Julius next Chapter :)

Those are the easier ones. I wonder if anyone found the other questions.

Shoutouts to Mojoblack4, and Memorysoul on AO3. Thanks for commenting! Those were the only comments on the last chapter for ao3. For FFN, shoutout to Deathenglegamers1144 for keeping a lot of fanfic review sections alive!

Lastly, work hard in school and at your jobs! Things seem to be picking up! Crusch says bye :)

-TonkaDev