Gamer4 in, and realizing just how bipolar the weather around here is- one day, there's ice everywhere, freaking Tropical Freeze going on over here, the next, the sun's out and scalding everyone not wearing SPF 9001. Goes from a tundra to a desert over the course of one night- makes a whole lot of sense. *sigh.* Anyways, enough about that, we've got a chapter to get to!
Disclaimer: Though my eyes could see, I still was a blind man! Though my mind could think, I still was a madman! I hear the voices when I'm dreaming- I can hear them say...
Chapter IV
The House on Silent Hill
"There's an organization called-"
"Yes, there is, boy, and if you intend on ever seeing it, you should shut up!" Simon hissed. "We can talk all you want once we're in, but not before! Now burn that paper! Burn it, I say! Burn it to the ground!"
"Ummm..." Mario glanced uncertainly at Fox.
"Just burn it," Fox pinched the bridge of his snout. "Security reasons, you know..."
Mario shrugged, enclosed his fist, and a second later, curling ashes were coming from between his fingers. "Now, where's this building it was talking about?"
"Think about what it said," Fox answered quietly. "Concentrate..."
Mario ran it through his mind again- 774, Crichton Street, Silent Hill...
Abruptly, the houses in front of him seemed to leap to the side, accommodating an odd, vacant lot between them. Abruptly, in the center of said lot appeared a strange object resembling a large sprout twisting up from the ground. It grew faster and faster, stretching out, branching off, taking on the appearance and texture of brick, plaster, and mortar, all tangling together to ultimately form an ordinary-looking house labeled 774.
"Za?" Mario made a questioning noise, but Simon shook his head agitatedly. "Inside, quick!"
Mario found his arm taken and his body being led into the building, only having the time to notice a knocker in the shape of an absolutely furious-looking turtle before he was thrust into a pitch-black hallway.
Before his eyes even had the chance to adjust to the gloom of this new building, the first thing that hit him was the smell of the place- foetid, cloying, rotting... all words that fit the bill, though perhaps not quite powerful enough for what was assailing Mario's nostrils at that moment. The second everyone in Mario's escort had crossed the threshold into the building, Simon turned and began locking an obscene number of locks attached to the door.
"Here," came Li Kuugo's voice from nearby. "I'll switch on the lights."
Mario was expecting to be blinded by such light after being in this dark hallway long enough for his eyes to adjust, but not quite- the lights the martial artist flicked on were remarkably dim- not that everything was in silhouette, but it had still been brighter out under the streetlights.
The house was remarkably foreboding, with very little sense of homeliness. Both the building itself and the way the people around him were acting gave the place an ominous feeling, almost... forbidden. It was the kind of house he'd expect Michael Myers or Jason Voorhees to inhabit, not the organization dedicated to finding and stopping Tabuu.
There was the sound of hurried footsteps, and Mario breathed a sigh of relief as another familiar face made itself seen at last- Uli Faron, mother of Link Faron, Mario's closest friend, and almost a surrogate mother to himself. "Mario!" she smiled despite a newfound gauntness around her face. "Wonderful to see you- I'd love to get you fed now, but we're still wrapping up a meeting- afraid dinner will have to wait until we're finished."
"And by 'wrapping it up,' you mean..." Li guessed, looking in the room behind Uli.
"We just started, yeah," came a new voice- the voice of a bespectacled young woman with long black hair- in fact, looking at her, Mario found it difficult to tell where her hair ended and her equally-black clothing began.
Li sighed. "And how did you like the security in my phone, Bayonetta?"
"I think it would be a wonderful idea, Cheshire," the woman smirked, speaking with a British accent.
Li was grinding her teeth. "I told you not to call me Cheshire!"
Bayonetta smirked as she turned and headed back into the room, followed by a still-raging Li ("What, you think this is over?! Come back and face me like a real woman!") and, slowly but steadily, the rest of Mario's escort, ending with Fox. Mario was on the point of following him in when Uli reached out and stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.
"Sorry, Mario, but only people inducted into Philanthropy are allowed in on the meetings. Link and Zelda are upstairs, though- why not go say hi? They've missed you quite a bit, and I'm sure you've missed them."
Mario was not about to even attempt to deny this, so he turned and began heading up the stairs, only for Uli to call gently after him- "Oh, but... try to be quiet on the stairs, okay?"
"Why, is something up?"
"We just... like the peace and quiet around here," Uli shrugged. Mario sensed that there was another explanation, but it was too long to elaborate on now. He nodded and turned back up the stairs, taking care to tread as lightly as possible.
Mario had to blink as he climbed, checking each subsequent room for signs of his friends. The amount of dark paraphernalia in this house was... staggering. Shelves and shelves of books Mario doubted even Zelda would be keen on, including what he was fairly certain was a copy of the Necronomicon, (or, to those familiar with Lovecraft, 'the abhorred Necronomicon of the Mad Arab, Abdul Alhazred'- seriously, read through his stories and take a shot every time he refers to it with that exact wording- liver failure will be imminent), portraits and sketches of extremely dark creatures, from koopas to creepers to things Mario couldn't identify- a rather frightening portrait of a man who appeared to have a large, stone pyramid for a head, dragging an extremely large knife behind him... and all that was before he got to a particular landing lined with what appeared to be taxidermied yoshi tails, cut off and hung up on the wall in ornate glass frames... Holy Wave Existence, whose house was this?
Finally, he opened one door in particular, and was promptly knocked to the ground, his vision obscured by hair of blinding blond. "Oof!" he gasped as he felt his back smack into the ground.
"MARIO!" came an extremely excited-sounding voice. "Link, he's here, he's here, he's finally here! Heard you all pulling in, couldn't wait to see you again- are you okay? What happened with those floows? Are you angry at us? I know I'd be, our letters were about as useful as reading glasses for the blind- and the government! How could they- any idiot could see you were acting in self-defense, I've even studied up, and there's no way they can-"
"Holy Farore, Zelda, let the man breath!" Link called out, pulling her off him with a large grin. He'd grown since Mario had seen him last- he'd always been the taller of the two, but now he was starting to tower over his two friends. "Good to finally see you again- hope those stupid muggles didn't get you down too much-"
There was a caw (or whatever sounds albatrosses make, I obviously didn't do the research), and a flutter of wings, and Mario found a new weight on him to replace Zelda- the sleek form of Parakarry.
"Yeah, he got here a couple days back," Link nodded upon seeing Mario looking at his bird. "Went freaking psycho on us, too- never knew albatrosses could inflict so much pain..."
Mario cringed, recalling the order he'd issued to his albatross- in hindsight, it seemed remarkably rash. "Sorry about that- I just wanted to know what was going on..."
"Ah, don't worry about it," Link waved the apology aside. "A lot of the humor in this story is slapstick anyways- we've dealt with worse. Believe me, though- we wanted to tell you everything, it was driving Zelda up the wall, she was going on and on about isolation and PTSD, and all that not-so-good stuff- before all this stuff happened, she was talking about writing a message to you in code or something."
"Then why didn't you?" Mario asked, struggling to keep a cork in the large bottle of bitterness that had been building up inside him all summer.
"Well, the Master Hand told us not to- he made us swear we wouldn't tell you anything," Zelda spoke softly.
"I still say he was crazy, making you go back to those winnicotts, but he's the boss, you know?" Link rubbed the back of his head uncomfortably. "He says 'jump,' we say, 'how high?' He says 'don't tell Mario anything,' we say... well, honestly, we were always pestering him about why we couldn't, but he's hardly around to begin with, and when he is with us... dang, I never realized how good he is at dodging questions... but he seemed to think it would keep you safe or something..."
"Yeah, really safe, dodging fires in restaurants and getting attacked by floows," Mario resorted to snarking in the hopes of letting off a bit of the steam building up rapidly inside him.
"Well, that's why he had people following you, isn't it?" Link pointed out. "He thought something might happen-"
"Did everyone know I was being followed except me?" Mario asked, furrowing his brow in frustration. "Though I have to admit, they did a really good job- such a good job that I ended up having to fight off two floows single-handedly!"
"The Master Hand flipped when he found out," Zelda cringed at the memory. "We could hear it from upstairs- and then he gave Bayonetta permission to go to town on him, and... well, that's not something you want to hear about."
"Well, they might be angry," Mario shrugged, "but guess who isn't? Me. If he'd leapt in to protect me, I'd still be stuck with the Smiths, foraging for news from the Young flipping Turks!"
Link and Zelda cringed. "That... that desperate?"
"Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a little," Mario admitted, "but you get the point! Why? Why was the Master Hand so insistent that I know nothing? Nothing?! Why is he so determined that I not hear the slightest bit of information about what's going on?"
There was a clear look on his friends' faces- they'd expected this. Maybe they even thought they deserved it- though the idea didn't make him feel any better.
"We don't know," Link repeated. "Like I said, we tried asking him, but he dodges those questions like a pro- something about the letters falling into the wrong hands-"
"This is the Master Hand we're talking about, he don't need no stinking albatrosses," Mario snarked.
"Well, yes, that's definitely true," Zelda cringed again, "but..."
"What, he didn't want me to know anything?" Mario asked. "He thinks I can't be trusted, or something? That I can't take care of myself?"
"I'd sure hope he doesn't think that, after the last four years," Zelda pointed out.
*"Then why?" Mario asked, the steam building up to the danger zone- he could hear the teapot whistle he usually associated with Link coming from himself. "Why- why did I have to stay at the Smiths while you two got to stand in on everything that was going on here?"
"We honestly don't know much more than you do," Zelda shook her head.
Mario waved his hand dismissively. "You've still been here, though, haven't you? You've been allowed into the group-"
"Mario..." Zelda interrupted, looking like she was bracing herself for a storm. "We..."
"We weren't actually allowed in on any of the meetings," Link continued. "Mom kept saying we're too young."
Mario flinched back as though he was being punched in the stomach. Slowly, he reached a trembling hand up to his face as though he was removing an invisible pair of glasses. "Anyone... who thought that keeping me in the dark all this time... was a good idea... leave the room now."
"Who are you talking to?" Link asked nervously, but Mario raised his hand for silence, turning and apparently watching a series of invisible people file out the door. He then crossed to it and shut it gently. Slowly, he turned back to them, and, heedless of the author's desire to prolong the inevitable, burst like a time bomb.
"BIG, FAT, WAVE-EXISTENCE-LOVING DEAL! YOU WEREN'T IN ANY OF THE FREAKING MEETINGS! CRY ME A FREAKING RIVER, WHY DON'T YOU?! AT LEAST YOU'VE BEEN HERE- AT LEAST YOU'VE BEEN TOGETHER! ME, I'VE BEEN STUCK AT THAT MISERABLE DUNG HEAP MASQUERADING AS A HOUSE WITH THOSE MISERABLE FLOOWS MASQUERADING AS HUMAN BEINGS FOR A SOLID MONTH! I'M NOT ASKING FOR A MEDAL OR ANYTHING, BUT AM I NOT THE ONE WHO KEPT MEWTWO'S GRIMY HANDS OFF THE HYLIAN STONE?! AM I NOT THE ONE WHO KILLED THE GIGA KOOPA AND DESTROYED THE MEMORY OF GEORGE LOCKE?! AM I NOT THE ONE WHO WENT THROUGH FLOOWS, META DRAGONS, ZORAS, ULTIMATE CHIMAERAS, AND ALL SORTS OF OTHER CRUD?!"
XXXX
"True, but the point I'm trying to make is-" Gordon started addressing the group assembled around him, only to look up as a vague shouting met his ears. "What is that?"
XXXX
Peach was reading in her room when she heard shouting going on below. Heading out to the landing, she found Kirby and Meta Knight listening in as well. Recognizing the voice and the words, she couldn't help but allow a tear to form in her eye.
XXXX
Vanessa Paisley was on the point of dialing Jack's number to ask about the kitchen floor when a shouting met her ears, coming from the distant north of Los Juicio. "What the hell...?" she asked, glancing out the apartment's window.
XXXX
"Ah... phone lines are down," Shinji Ikari muttered as he hung up the phone and turned to gaze around the post-second-impact world. Abruptly, a loud, yelling voice met his ears, very faintly, almost as though penetrating the barrier of time itself. Gazing around, he wondered out loud, "Daddy?"
XXXX
In another dimension, Luigi looked up from his bed in Frankly's Pizzeria. He'd just been wondering when the next chapter of his story would be posted when a strange shouting met his ears. "That voice sounds so familiar... but who...?"**
XXXX
Mario couldn't help it- the cork had popped off, and every dark and bitter thought he'd had over the past month was gushing out, all at once. He couldn't have stopped himself even if he'd wanted to. "AM I NOT THE ONE WHO HAD TO WATCH DONKEY KONG DIE?! AM I NOT THE ONE WHO HAD TO FIGHT TABUU SINGLE-HANDEDLY AFTER WATCHING THAT RITUAL HE DID TO BRING HIM BACK?! AM I FREAKING NOT?!"
Link looked heavily taken aback, while Zelda seemed to be on the verge of tears, but neither was speaking, allowing Mario to plow right on ahead. "BUT OF COURSE, I DON'T EVEN GET AN AFTERTHOUGHT IN YOUR HEADS! I DON'T NEED TO BE TOLD JACK DIDDLY SQUAT!"
Link finally spoke up, speaking quickly as though determined to get it all out before Mario continued raging. "Mario, we wanted to tell you everything we found out- we wanted to tell you, we honestly did, but-"
"'BUT' NOTHING!" Mario continued raging. "IF YOU'D REALLY WANTED TO GET A MESSAGE TO ME, YOU COULD HAVE FOUND A WAY, BUT OF COURSE, THE MASTER HAND IS THE BE-ALL END-ALL OF FREAKING EVERYTHING-"
"Well, honestly, he kind of is," Zelda noted, only to cringe as Mario continued raving.
"A WHOLE MONTH, I'M STUCK THERE, IN PEACH FREAKING CREEK, HEARING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT WHAT'S GOING ON! ALL THAT SMEG AT THE END OF LAST YEAR, THEN SO LONG, GOODBYE, WE WON'T DROP YOU SO MUCH AS A HINT ABOUT WHAT'S GOING ON FOR A FREAKING MONTH!" As he said this last, he made a motion as though he were throwing something to the ground.
XXXX
Kirby and Meta looked up to see Peach crying. "It's alright," they smirked as they leapt to her side. "We just need to pour some water over that fire..."
XXXX
Mario sat down on the bed. "All that... everything we've been through... and you guys just bend me over and FIND ME IN THE ALPS!" Taking multiple deep breaths, he tried to steady himself. "It was a tad aggravating, that's all I'm saying. That's all I'm really trying to say, that's all I'm driving at, really, if you think about it. That's all. That's... all."*
A ringing silence fell. Mario was breathing deeply- that was more white-hot furious than he'd been... ever. Seriously, he could never recall being that furious before, even with Aunt Megan- though he'd at least refrained from blowing anyone up this time.
Zelda spoke gently. "Mario... we really are... sorry. You're right- it was thoughtless... cruel... if it had been me, I'd probably be shouting too..."
Mario kept up with the deep breathing until his heart rate finally returned to normal. He had more important things to be doing than raging right now- like finally getting some answers. "Okay, you want to make amends?" Both his friends nodded fervently. "Alright, easy fix- tell me everything. To begin with- where are we?"
"This is the headquarters of Philanthropy," Link answered immediately.
"And Philanthropy is...?"
"A secret, grassrootsorganization dedicated to finding and eliminating the Great Darkness," Zelda answered this time around, sounding like a sentient encyclopedia.
"And who's in it?"
"It's a fairly sizable movement," Link mused. "We've met plenty in person, and there are probably more..."
"And what about Tabuu?" Mario asked, finally getting to the point that had been eating at him all summer. He had no time to spare for Link and Zelda flinching at that name- he needed answers. "Where is he? What's he doing? What are we doing? I want the who, the what, the where, the when, the why, and the how- actually, forget the who, I think we've got that all established."
"That was a mouthful," Zelda couldn't help pointing out, only to backpedal rapidly when she noticed Mario's glare. "Well, we don't know as much as we could- like we said, they don't let us in on the meetings- that said!" she added quickly at the sight of the anger on Mario's face. "That said- Kirby and Meta have helped us figure out quite a bit that they've been talking about."
"How so?"
"Bugs," Link shrugged. Under Mario's questioning stare, he amended- "They invented actual bugs- you know, like hidden microphones, except they're soup cans- you know what they're like. Went ahead and stuck those suckers inside the cupboards in the meeting hall- i.e., dining room- and we listened in on their conversations. Until Bayonetta found one, one thing led to another, and Mom got involved, which... I really don't want to talk about..." Mario couldn't help but notice both Link and Zelda rubbing their rear ends as the apparent memory came to mind. "They all have different jobs- some of them are keeping an eye on known starmen."
"Some are on recruitment duty- getting the word out, which is a pretty dangerous job in itself, given what the Tribune's doing," Zelda added. Mario was on the point of asking for clarification when Link picked up the torch.
"But from the sound of it, the most important duty is guard duty- though we never worked out what, exactly, they're guarding."
"Me, perchance?"
"Nah, we thought of that," Link shook his head. "But then there was that meeting where they mentioned guarding you and guarding... whatever else as two separate things."
Mario raised his hands to his face, finally resting his head on the webbing between forefinger and thumb. "So... you haven't been involved with the meetings. Then what's the work you were talking about in those letters?"
"Oh, that," Zelda gazed down at the floor. "Yeah, about that..."
"Cleaning the house," Link explained. "We've been cleaning almost nonstop since we got here- I mean, look at the place."
"And you couldn't say that in your letters?"
"Well, we thought, without context, that- WHAT THE SMEG?!"
Link leapt back as a pair of star-shaped objects appeared in midair and crashed into their beds, producing from within two smiling pink puffballs.
"Hello, Mario!" Kirby began his greeting. "We thought we heard the gentle, quiet cries of a pyro in distress down here!"
"Mario, don't you know that it's unhealthy to keep your emotions in a bottle like that? Haven't you ever seen Evangelion?" Meta stepped in. "You need to let it all out, man, or a giant naked Peach is gonna destroy the whole world!"
"Hey, if you need a shoulder to cry on, we're here for you, brah," Kirby smiled, nuzzling up against Mario's shoulder.
"Get off me," Mario sighed, shoving the puffball away roughly- he landed on the ground and bounced up onto his brother's head. "So, it looks like a certain pair of marshmallows got their teleportation licenses."
"Dang skippy!" Meta nodded brightly. "Of course, there was that incident where Kirby turned yellow and appeared in the middle of that arcade. They managed to convince everyone he was a Pac-Man cosplayer, but people are still starting up those Polybius conspiracy theories again."
"They haven't used the halls hardly at all since they got those licenses," Link muttered darkly.
"Hallways are for squares," Kirby brushed him aside.
"Like pants!" Meta added as an afterthought. "Anyways, we just wanted to see if you'd quiet down a bit- interfering with our master plan, you know?" Here, he brandished what appeared to be an empty can of Campbell's chicken noodle soup. "How're we supposed to listen in on the meeting with all the noise down here, youngns?"
"Seriously?" Link asked dubiously. "After what happened last time?"
"Better to live for an hour as a tiger than a lifetime as a worm!" Kirby answered brightly. "Besides, from the looks of things, there's serious business going on today!"
A click, and the door behind them opened, revealing Peach on the other side. "Oh, Mario," she greeted him. "Thought... thought I heard you. Kirby, Meta- might as well not bother with the soup cans- they've started sweeping for them before all the meetings."
"Ah, they always swept for bugs before," Meta brushed aside.
"Yeah, but now they're specifically looking for any out-of-place soup cans, too," Peach shook her head.
Kirby slumped slightly. "Why didn't we hear about this?"
"Probably because Mom didn't want you to start trying to out-predict her," Peach shrugged. "I saw them tossing out a bunch of empty ones earlier- Simba started going through them, trying to find any last morsels."
"Hmmm... I did wonder why were getting nothing but static," Meta muttered. "And just when things were getting interesting- always is when old Wolf O'Donnell comes to call."
"Wait, Wolf?" Mario spoke up. "Wolf is with Philanthropy?"
"Yeah, the little winnicott comes in, gives a quick report, and then back out into whatever fray the Master Hand has him diving into," Kirby nodded.
"You shouldn't call him a winnicott- he's on our side!" Zelda objected.
"Good guy, bad guy, anything in between- he's still a winnicott," Meta shook his head.
"And, of course, Linebeck and Midna don't like him either," Peach agreed.
"And those two are the be-all, end-all of who does or doesn't deserve to be in Philanthropy?"
Before Peach could answer, Mario spoke up again- "Linebeck and Midna are involved, too?"
"Well, more Midna than Linebeck," Kirby admitted. "Linebeck is out over the oceans blue, trying to get as many foreigners into the fold as he can. Midna, though- she's come back home, took a job with the government involving boss legislation- you know, drawing up laws about bosses. Much more boring, but that's not to say there are no benefits..."
Mario glanced around in confusion at the smirk being exchanged around the room. "And whatd'ya mean by that?"
"Well, you remember Solid Snake, right?" Meta gave a shifty, mischievous smile. "He's started studying bosses, too, and who better than one of the best boss wranglers in the business to show him all the ropes?"
"And what about Rob? Can we expect to see him around?" Mario asked.
As one, the smiles slid off of every face in the room, replaced with a shadow over their eyes. Link was the first to speak- "Pro-tip, Mario... don't talk about him around here. Mom'll break down crying, Dad'll break whatever's in his hands."
"That was... awful," Peach shook her head, speaking very softly.
"He's out of here- and probably not coming back," Kirby muttered, looking uncharacteristically serious.
"Wh-what happened?" Mario asked, taken aback.
"A fight- a family feud between Dad and Rob," Meta began heavily. "Before this, I'd seen Dad angry precisely one time- he's usually a really easygoing guy, but that night... that night..."
"It was just a few days after we got back home," Link recalled. "We were all packing up to come over here for Philanthropy, when Rob comes in, turned up his pride knobs, and told us he'd been promoted."
"Really?" Mario raised his eyebrows- last he'd heard, Rob the robot had been in particularly hot water with the Government for which he worked- his failure to report the disappearance of his superior, Manfred von Karma, had had some very serious consequences for everyone, and while the Government hadn't believed the truth (that von Karma was kidnapped by Tabuu,) they still believed that Rob had failed to recognize the old man's slow descent into madness. Why, then, the hasty promotion?
"Yup- threw all of us for a loop, too," Kirby nodded. "They really put his robotic butt through the fire for what happened with Manny..."
"But then, one day," Link continued his story, "he comes home, bouncing around like someone pumped him full of helium. One year out of school- just one year- and he's been promoted to President Ryan's personal council. As you can imagine, for someone who only graduated a year ago, that's... that's pretty good. But Dad... he didn't quite meet Rob's expectations..."
"How so?"
Meta took a deep breath. "Dad wasn't particularly impressed by it- you see, Andrew Ryan's getting pretty paranoid about the Master Hand ever since the Games. He's kind of started this witch hunt in the government, hunting down and browbeating anyone he thinks has contact with the Master Hand."
Kirby nodded grimly. "And Dad already had... not the best reputation with Mr. Ryan... he always thought Dad wasn't a true smasher, because of how interested he is in muggle culture..."
"And Rob?"
"Keep your overalls on," Link raised his hands. "Look, it was Dad's theory- and I honestly think he's on to something- that Rob got promoted so quickly so Andrew Ryan could spy on someone he thinks is in league with the Master Hand."
Mario lowered his hands into his face. "And Rob reacted...?"
"By flipping his smeg," Link shook his head. "You think your freakout here was bad? It was nothing compared to that- he was coming up with all sorts of terrible things and throwing them out- he wanted to hurt Dad as bad as he could. Stuff about how he's always had to struggle against Dad's lousy reputation, how Dad is committing a crime of cultural appropriation of the muggles... and if Dad would put that on the shelf, maybe we'd... maybe we'd have a little more money..."
"He said what?!" Mario asked, now genuinely outraged- an outrage he saw mirrored on Peach's face. Of the Farons, Rob had always been his least favorite, but never had he imagined the robot standing so clearly out of line.
"And then, if you can believe it, it got worse," Link sighed. "He said the Master Hand was going down- just like the Titanic. If Dad wanted to stay on board and get dragged down, he was welcome to it, but he was taking a lifeboat while he could."
"More like a rat abandoning ship," Kirby hissed.
"As far as Rob's concerned, he's not a Faron anymore," Link shook his head. "He's gone now- living in Fourside, where the Government headquarters is. Mom and Dad didn't take it well- Mom's tried to talk to him a few times, but she might as well be talking to an AFOSB- she gets just as much reasonable response. As far as Dad goes..."
"But what about Tabuu?" Mario interjected. "He's got to know- doesn't he trust his parents to not get into something like this unless they were certain?"
"Well, your name did come up, as a matter of fact," Link started to speak quietly. "He said the only evidence we had was your word, and... well... let's just say he's a staunch supporter of the Fourside Tribune."
"What does the Tribune have to do with this?" Mario asked confusedly.
A cold front washed over the room. "Didn't you say you'd be getting it on the way back home?" Zelda asked tentatively.
"Well, yeah, and I have," Mario nodded.
"And have you been reading it?"
"I glance at the headlines- if there's nothing about Tabuu, it's no good to me," Mario shrugged.
"Well, you'd need to read it a little more thoroughly if you wanted to actually pick up on it, but... they bring you up every now and again, once, typically twice a week," Zelda was on the point of cringing again.
"Wouldn't I have seen-"
"No, no you wouldn't," Zelda shook her head. "We're not talking big articles, here, no big headliners- just a quiet, little smear campaign. A slight here, a one-to-two panel comic there... Kind of picking up where Glados left off."
"Isn't she... on a sabbatical?" Mario asked, recalling the final chapter of the previous story.
"Oh, yeah, she hasn't written anything since then- lest she be tarnished by her own brush," Zelda gave a sadistic smirk. "She's not making it happen anymore... but it probably wouldn't be happening without her."
"And what is it?" Mario asked. "Enough beating around the bush!"
"They're writing about you like you're the next Tingle Limpah, okay?" Link burst out. "This big ol' attention whore who thinks the world owes him everything because of what happened when you were a baby. If some tabloid-style story appears, they'll mention, 'Who does this guy think he is, Mario Mario?' They'll compare someone to you unfavorably, like 'This guy is almost as delusional as Mario Mario,' or there'll be those comics- panel 1, there's a stick figure of you running up to someone else, crying, 'The Great Darkness is back!' Panel 2, they respond, 'But didn't he die, like, fifteen years ago?' and then you go, 'Well, yeah, but now he's back, guys, seriously, and I'm the only one who can save you, you have to believe me!' Panel 3, they say, 'Yeah, we've got to go now,' and as they're walking away, they say, 'What a lunatic- he's just out of his mind,' and fist-bump each other like they just told the funniest joke in the world."
"What," Mario couldn't help saying, his brow beginning to knit.
"It's a terrible thing," Zelda agreed. "And it's so obvious what they're doing- they're trying to turn you into a joke, to stop anyone from believing what you're saying about the Great Darkness! If you're just the butt of jokes, nobody has to take you seriously or offer any sort of arguments against what you say- it'll be cool to just say, 'oh, you're Mario Mario, your opinion is invalid!"
"Where are these people from, Tumblr?" Mario asked scathingly, fingering his 'hypocritical humor' badge. "But for crying out loud, haven't they looked at the facts? Do they really think I'd want Tabuu to do what he did to me, just to earn some fame down the line?!"
"We're on your side, Mario, believe me," Peach nodded, laying a hand comfortingly on his shoulder.
"They haven't even reported on the floows yet," Zelda muttered. "You'd think they would have, but if you want my opinion, they're waiting for a Guilty verdict before they really go to town- though, unless you're in one of the most biased kangaroo courts in the world, there's not any case against you at all."
Another silence fell, eventually broken by footsteps outside. "Ah, crud," Kirby muttered.
"We were never here," Meta spoke quickly as he and his brother stood together- a second later, a pair of stars had appeared and whisked them away.
The door opened up, and Uli Faron appeared there. "Dinnertime!" she greeted them jovially. "It'll be great to finally have you here, finally."
She smiled and turned back out of the door, Peach not long behind her. Mario turned to his friends, and the last of the fire within him was doused when he saw them flinch. "I'm calm," he assured them. "It was... it was just frustrating, you know?"
"We deserved it," Link waved him aside. "We really did, we don't blame you. Besides, I have it on good authority that I can be something of an assbutt..."
Mario couldn't help but crack a smile at that. "Come on, let's head down- I'm starving."
As they headed down, Mario wondered out loud- "So, Wolf's here?"
"He should be gone by the time we get down there," Link shook his head. "He never stays for too long- thank the Wave Existence."
"Voices down in the hall," Zelda whispered.
They were finally on the ground floor and making for the dining room, Uli beckoning them in eagerly, when the door crashed open and two figures came out, knocking the Faron mother to the ground.
"You are going to stop texting me, and that's final!"
"And who's going to make me, Cheshire?"
Sure enough, it was Li Kuggo and Bayonetta, fighting furiously, fist-to-fist- well, Li looked furious, Bayonetta looked more like she was enjoying herself. "Do not call me Cheshire!" Li shouted as she aimed a kick between Bayonetta's eyes- but the blink of an eye later, and Bayonetta was suddenly on the opposite end of the room, watching with amusement as Li's foot passed through thin air and slammed into a set of curtains just beneath the stairs. As she did, they suddenly swung wide open, revealing what lay beneath.
Mario flinched at first, thinking the curtains had revealed a window behind which sat the Grudge, glaring in, but then he realized it was simply a painting- a horribly vivid, lifelike painting depicting a woman looking almost as haggard as the Grudge, yelling and shouting at everyone within view of the oils.
A second later, Fox was out and working together with Uli, attempting to force the curtains back down- not much luck there.
The woman behind it would be pretty- if not for her obvious wild insanity. She wore a black dress that left little to the imagination, and had well-kept blue hair that came down her back, but on her face was a look of pure rage. "YOU MISERABLE, LOATHSOME PIECES OF FILTH! HOW DARE YOU INTRUDE UPON THE REALM OF MY FOREFATHERS-"
"Dangit, you two, look what you did!" Fox called out, glaring in Li and Bayonetta's direction- only to realize that they'd both skulked back into the dining room a while back. Meanwhile, from the dining room came a blaze of red and blue, grabbing the curtains on Fox's side and beginning to pull.
"Why not shut the smeg up, you pathetic waste of oils?!" the newcomer struggled to make his voice heard.
A momentary silence fell as the woman gazed at him, before kicking it up even more than before- "YOU... YOU... YOU TRAITOR! YOU ABOMINATION, YOU CREATURE OF THE NETHERWORLD! HOW COULD I PRODUCE SUCH A FILTHY THING WITH MY OWN-"
"Hard telling, maybe you could ask the doctor- if you hadn't killed her!" the man snarled, finally giving the final tug to bring those curtains down. The instant they were, a ringing silence fell- we're having a lot of those this time around. The man, breathing deeply, turned to flash a smile at Mario, who, at long last, smiled back at his godfather, Roy Alluvia. "Not the most normal family in the world, but what ya gonna do, right, Mario?"
XXXX
*I know I said I'd ease up on Mario a bit in regards to the angst, but this was kind of unavoidable, so I thought I'd lighten things up a bit by modeling this scene after a meme that was pretty popular a few years back- props to anyone who can guess it! Also,
**Sorry, I couldn't resist. Quick shout-out to Spidershadow's Incredible Kong- still waiting for an update on that one.
Alright, wrapping things up here. Before we end off, a few quick questions, starting with a couple from... Spidershadow!
Q: Who in their right mind sets up headquarters in Silent Hill? A: Nobody. The Master Hand isn't in his right mind.
Q: Is there a reason behind Crichton Street? A: I recalled it being a street name from Silent Hill, and included it here- and yes, it was because of my fondness for Crichton's work, primarily Jurassic Park.
We also have a question from someone else- well, more of a request. Y'see, ever since early last story, more or less in response to the running gag that nobody ever outright confirms what country this series takes place in, this idea seems to be going around that it's Poland. Honestly, the whole point of the gag is that there really is no set country that this series takes place in- if there was, it would ruin the gag. I guess, if one absolutely had to pin a country on it, then most of the telltale clues in the series, (slang, speaking styles, the few landmarks I have named,) would actually point to America, (blame that one on me being American- write what you know, and all that,) but at the end of the day, I don't write this series with any one country in mind- it's supposed to be the kind of story that could be anywhere- and thus, the absurd, exaggerated lengths the universe itself goes to to conceal the true location. It's not terribly important, but it was something I felt I should address.
At any rate, we've had some long endnotes this time around, and I've got stuff to do tomorrow- hopefully, Gandora will be coming back soon. Hate to say it, but I wouldn't put too much hope in for another chapter this week, but I'll definitely do my best- one of the things I've been looking forward to most is the revelation of Luna Lovegood, which has six chapters to go yet! Anyways, see you all next time, until then, please R&R, constructive criticism embraced, flames, not so much, Gamer4 out!